The podcast explores the comedic chaos that ensues around holiday celebrations, parenting, and the absurdities of life. A major highlight includes a hilarious discussion about the mishaps of celebrating Christmas, including a memorable story involving a mother-in-law's accidental Facebook post about adult content. The hosts delve into their own holiday experiences, from gift-giving blunders to the realities of raising children who are more interested in wrapping paper than presents. As they share their personal anecdotes, the conversation takes unexpected turns, revealing the challenges and joys of adulting. With wit and humor, they remind listeners that parenting is often a mix of heartfelt moments and laughable disasters.

Links referenced in this episode:

• nonewfriendspodcast.com
• sandpipervacations.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Disney
• Sandpiper Vacations
• Bath and Body Works
• Meta
• Kobe Steakhouse

Disney vacations.

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Welcome to Parents Night out with no new Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

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My name is Scott.

I'm the host.

With me as always, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris.

Happy holidays.

The Jewish American princess, Sarah.

Hello.

Our emotional sport, gay Nick.

Happy new queer.

And our producer, Alex.

It's spoiler alert.

It's me.

Well, happy holidays.

It's.

It's been a minute.

I think the last episode we did was right before Christmas.

So we've got Christmas, we've had New Year's, and then there's a bunch of amazing holidays in the month of January.

February.

Oh yeah.

Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, all those other.

What?

No, you said that today we're recording on Christmas.

No, the last time we recorded was.

Your exact words were you text me this morning like, I can't believe we get to record on my Christmas.

I didn't know what my meant, but.

Oh yeah, well, you know, it's the, the.

The.

The premiere of Netflix.

There you go, there you go.

It's talking about that, that and the Three Kings Day.

Yeah, it is Three Kings Day.

Yes, the epiphany, I think which Is also Three Kings.

Also Three Kings day holiday from Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Oh yes, the genocide.

Is that what it is?

Pretty sure.

I haven't seen it in a while, so maybe not.

Don't know.

There.

There's something like that in there maybe.

Oh, okay.

And then of course the feast of the insurrection.

So there's a lot of great things happening today.

Oh, today's boxing Day, apparently.

I thought that was the day after Thanksgiving.

In Canada.

When is Boxing Day?

Yeah, that's in Canada.

Because they do that instead of Black Friday, don't they?

Yeah.

So obviously I'm not good at my Jewish or Canadian holiday.

That's the day after Christmas.

So today is not Boxing Day.

Remy.

Very close, very close.

But how was everybody's Christmas slash Hanukkah?

I didn't celebrate Hanukkah, Scott.

Why not?

I did.

I'm Catholic.

Well, that's.

I'm anti Semitic.

Okay.

You want me to say it?

Thanks.

Joke.

Just for all those listening to them.

I definitely celebrated Hanukkah.

We had.

We had brisket and latkes and a lot of Bud Light.

A lot of Bud Light.

You celebrated it better than I did.

Yeah, yeah.

We had the plates with the menorah on it.

My.

My brother in law and.

And niece lit.

Lit the menorah and did the rokotoy and the, the.

The prayer.

I.

I only know the first part.

It was well said.

Thank you.

I mean we like.

We like candles for Hanukkah, but I mean they were just Bath and Body Work scented candles.

You put them in a row.

8.

8 bath and body works candles in a row.

I mean I almost burnt the house down.

So kind of.

Well, well, wait a second.

Were they three wick candles?

Because I feel like that should count for something.

Oh, it's a good point because then.

You multiply the number of wicks.

I think that's.

I don't know.

I lost.

I think that counts, honestly.

So happy Hanukkah.

At least not be done.

But Nick, how was.

How was your.

Your Christmas?

Christmas was good question mark.

Oh, okay.

So my mother in law was supposed to come she.

To the Christmas in front of everyone.

So that's.

That's another story.

I think we should lead with that story.

I forgot about this.

So nobody else did.

We.

So Nick smoked a lot of weed to block that one out.

I've been trying to forget about her.

So she.

She canceled on Christmas.

She didn't come because.

What a shame.

Just couldn't get there.

Her Knee hurt or something.

I don't know.

She happens to me a lot too.

My Achilles tendon.

She made up a random excuse which I've talked about her on the podcast previously.

She has some very short term memory loss to the point that Facebook.

Her Facebook post anymore.

Just.

She's sharing like everything.

She's one of those people that just shares random pages.

She sees like any reason or.

Remy.

Well, you guys wouldn't know since you're not friends.

We're not friends anymore.

So she posted on there.

Adults, adult sex or something like that on her Facebook.

On her Facebook.

I forget.

I forget exactly what it says because I'm trying to tune it out.

She posts that and then she posted something else after that too and just kept going with the night.

And we're like, yeah, she just.

You sent it to us.

I remember this now.

She posted like adult films or adult.

It was something so random.

Should I pull it up?

Should I pull it out?

Pull it up.

It was like adult film star or something, but just random words.

It wasn't anything.

Adult sex videos.

That's it.

Adult sex videos.

So it was.

It was the witching hour.

So it was a late night.

But like, she had gotten hacked recently too, somehow her phone got hacked.

Don't know how that happens, but it got hacked.

So we're like, oh, maybe her Facebook got hacked.

So we both text her like, hey, like, you might want to go on your Facebook, take that last post down that you posted.

Didn't tell her what she posted.

And she's like, no, I was.

That was supposed to be for my.

My Google search.

Yeah.

So that happened.

Apparently she still flicks the bean.

No judgment there.

I mean, congrats, I guess.

I don't.

I don't know what to say.

She's.

She's old.

She's up during age.

She's probably almost 80, I think.

So close to your age, so.

Oh, yeah, I do.

You know when they.

When they do the, like the get hard medications and they're like, ask your doctor if your heart is safe for sex or whatever.

Like, they're talking to me like that's me because I'm out of breath, just walking from here to the door.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I tried.

I tried to tune that part out, but thanks for bringing that memory back up.

Luckily, I have therapy tomorrow.

It's called a core memory.

I can talk about this with my therapist.

Yeah, she's.

Her memory has gone a little cuckoo lately, so kind of glad she didn't show up for Christmas.

So we had a nice morning to ourselves.

This.

The three of us went to my brother's house and had a really good time.

It was nice and relaxed.

Nice, Sarah, but what about you?

How was your Christmas?

You worked, right?

I did, I did.

No, wait, I didn't.

Oh, not this year.

Oh, my God.

I'm so used to working on every holiday.

I did not work this year because it landed on a Tuesday and Wednesday.

So I was lucky.

I didn't have to fight for it.

But it was full of people both Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

But we had a lot of fun.

The girls found out finally.

I can say out loud, they're going to megacon.

So, yes, they're very excited about that.

They're both very excited about who they're meeting and what they're doing, so.

And I got Legos.

Oh, nice.

So they're done already.

So I got another one in today for myself for Three Kings Day, so.

It should last me about.

About 48 hours.

But who are they going to see at Megacon?

I know you told us.

I.

I forget.

I have a terrible memory.

So Jordan loves Stranger Things.

Obsessed with it.

And she's got a countdown for season five.

So she's going to see Millie Bobby Brown.

Oh, that's cool.

She's gonna do the photo op.

And I thought you were gonna say.

Jordan love for a minute.

I'm like, they're going to a football game.

Quarterback for the.

No, sorry.

Lost there.

Green Bay Packers.

Okay, now.

Nope, sorry.

And then Sophia loves, like, anime and animation and stuff like that.

So there's a new show that she likes and she's gonna go and see one of the voice actors for that, so.

Oh, that's awesome.

Very, very excited.

And then maybe I'll sneak somebody in for myself.

I don't know yet.

The crew from.

No, he's not gonna be there, but Molly Ringwald is like, the whole Breakfast Club's gonna be.

Oh, wow, Chris.

The Breakfast Club is a show, a movie that came out in the 80s.

It was directed by John Hughes.

It had the Brat Pack in it.

Emilio Estevez bright pack, like Charlie D'Amelio or Charlie XCX.

The millennials and Zoomers will get that reference.

Moving on.

So Molly Ringwald.

So I might sneak that in there for myself.

We'll see.

But it was a very successful holiday.

Very cool.

Very cool.

Chris, I'll come back to you because I know we're going to spend some time talking about Ellie's first Christmas.

Mine was great.

Thanks for asking.

Mine was great.

Thank you, Nick.

So a couple cool things.

You know, I talked about this record player that I got for Rachel and it was super fun to put it together.

And we opened up.

We have two boxes of records.

You know, she's got a box and I've got a box.

And just taking those out and looking through what we have, like, I've got the.

The original soundtrack from Epcot.

So I was playing that.

And then like, I have one that's Disneyland's Main Street Electrical Parade and some other rides.

And like, you can't find Main Street Electrical Parade streaming.

Like, Disney had it taken down.

So to have that and.

And just to kind of unlock some of these core memories of records that I played as a kid and then.

Did you get the Wicked record?

What's that?

Did you get the Wicked record?

Not yet.

Not yet.

I got.

Sean got it for me for Christmas.

It was amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to get that.

But it's been exciting too, like explaining to Abby what a record player is because we.

Darren got her a Taylor Swift album.

It's a two.

Two disc or two.

Two record album.

But it's just been kind of fun to play it and all that and then stream the Wicked soundtrack to the record player because it's a.

It's like an 8 and 1.

It's got a tape deck.

And the only thing it doesn't have is an eight track player.

But that was super cool.

Now my wife's big gift to me.

So first of all, I don't know.

Yeah, we don't know this.

Yeah.

So she grew up in Germany for a while.

She was a military brat and spent a lot of time.

Grew up in Germany.

Don't worry, Sarah.

She's like ultra liberal and into human rights, so she's an ally to the Jews.

I still like her.

Okay, good.

But she is.

During the.

During the Olympics, I was obsessed with the.

With the German Olympic team because it had two magic players on it.

Mo and Franz Wagner.

So I'm telling her about Franz Wagner, who's my favorite magic player.

And she just loves the name Wagner.

She's like, Franz Wagner.

So she got me a Franz Wagner magic jersey.

Oh, that's really cool.

Wow.

Yeah.

They sell them that big.

Son of a.

But that's how much she pays attention to detail.

That is cool.

That's awesome.

But then.

And I didn't even know I wanted this until I got it.

She got me Meta Glasses.

Oh, yeah.

It's.

It's essentially like an apple watch for your eyes.

Yeah, I.

Why aren't you wearing them, Scott?

They're sunglasses.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

So this is super cool.

First of all, the sound quality, unbelievable.

It like pumps the music directly into your skull because nobody can hear it but you.

It's incredible.

You can ask, you can say, hey, Meta, what am I looking at?

And it like snaps a picture and it tells you, like, what's around you and what you're looking at.

Or like, I looked at my mango tree and I was like, what kind of tree is this?

And, oh, I've got it set as Keegan Michael Key.

So it's in his voice, he's explaining that it's a.

It's a mango key.

Mango tree.

I did offer my wife $50 to take it into the women's locker room the next time she goes to the gym, but she slapped me and said, no, she would not because it records.

It does.

Like, you can stream.

So, like, that'll help my arm when I'm in the women's locker?

No, when I'm at the parks, you know, I just don't.

You don't.

You don't know where the gym is.

That's true, that's true.

There's an extra $50 to give him directions there, but.

But they are so badass.

And it was great because went to my brother or my sister and my brother in law's on Hanukkah, and my brother in law, we own a Dynasty football fantasy football team.

And it was the week 17, it was the day of the championship.

So, like, I'm trying to watch red zone on the television, but he doesn't have red zone.

And I was too drunk to remember my password, so I was just streaming it on my phone and just had my sunglasses on.

Listen, like, I'm sitting here at dinner, like they're doing the Orocatoya shot and I.

Whatever.

And, and.

And I'm watching the game and listening through my glasses.

It was kind of amazing, an amazing idea.

If you, if you don't like people, you can act like you like people by Right being in the same room, but you're actually watching something.

It's incredible.

Well, you can't watch it on the glass.

It's like it doesn't have any visual thing, but I could hear the game and I had the.

The game on my phone.

Interesting.

Yeah.

What's the battery life on that?

Not great.

Not great, Chris.

Not great.

You're asking the question every 30 seconds.

What's this?

What's that?

A battery?

12%.

So, so it was funny.

I, you know, we, I was adult time with my wife and I was, you know, down there and I said, hey, Meta, what am I looking at?

I'm just kidding.

Mark Zuckerberg comes in and said, wait, is it Mark Zuckerberg?

Is it?

Yes, yes.

Can you imagine like him explaining the anatomy of a woman?

And I, I don't know if I, I told you guys this.

I, I know I told you off air, I don't know if I told you on air, but you know, I was able to get really inexpensive authentic Yoda lightsabers from, from Disney and I, the, it was like 60 bucks.

So I bought two of them.

I bought one for myself and then one for my nephew.

We'll come to find out.

Like he's, he's a Marvel kid.

Like he knows everything.

Marvel loves.

Marvel has never seen anything of Star Wars.

So like I bought this like six months ago and I told my brother in law and my sister, I was like, you've got six months to get him into Star Wars.

And they didn't.

So when we all had the Polar Express sleepover, I was like, oh, you know, I grabbed my nephew, I was like, let me show you something.

And, and you know, I grabbed the lightsaber went.

I was gonna get clipped.

And he's like, oh, wow, so cool.

And I'm like, oh, you know, do you want to, do you want to hold the, hold it and play with it?

Wait, wait, I don't know.

How does he.

What's going on?

I don't know how not to do this.

I asked him if he wanted to.

I don't know how not.

I don't know how to not do this.

I asked him if he wanted to play with the Yoda lightsaber and, and see it.

He's like, oh yeah, it's so cool.

So like I hyped him up for his Christmas present.

So of course he loved it when he got, he's like, oh, it's just like yours uncle got.

Because they call me Uncle Gakot and well, because I couldn't.

Okay.

When I, Chris is giving me a weird look.

When I was younger, I couldn't.

Or when, when, when my sister and I were younger, she couldn't say my name, so she called me Got.

God.

Now that's harder to say than Scott actually.

Correct, Correct.

Well, my sister's, you know, so my kids couldn't say her name because her name is a little bit complicated.

So they called her, you know, a cute little nickname.

So we just decided that her kids would call me Got.

But anyway, I digress.

But yeah, a lot of alcohol, drank a lot, worked on New Year's, so didn't do anything fun there.

And here we are, the best holiday of the year.

The feast of the Ascension.

Epiphany.

The epiphany.

Yay.

Yeah, I wish you were.

You wore your official shaman garb tonight.

I thought about it.

I thought about wearing my Buffalo Bill hat because I love the team from New York Buffalo Bills.

Anyway, sure.

Chris.

How was your Christmas?

Good.

It's good.

Good.

All right.

You know what pisses me off about Christmas with a little one is that you get on the coolest and all they care about is the paper.

No, I could have told you.

Just save your money and just get tissue paper.

And next year, just boxes.

She likes boxes this year.

Okay.

She's just that she's in the scratchy scratchy phase.

We call it the scratchy scratchy phase where she just gives everything a scratchy scratchy and so much so where she peels stickers off of boxes and then I find stickers hanging out of her mouth, which is, but so, yeah, I mean, we got her all this cool stuff and I thought we got her a lot then.

Enter grandparents.

Oh my God.

My mom being a first time grandmother, you know, it's the woman that buy the gifts.

My mom being a first time grandmother, my dad seeing everything she bought.

Hold on real quick.

How many times, Chris, did you, did someone open something and you look at Emily and, and say, we got that for them.

I'm still finding things that we got her to this day.

So many times, so many times with family.

Like my, my, my dad would hold up something.

I was like, oh, wow, who's that from?

And he looks, he's like, from you.

And I'm like, like, oh.

And like I, I, I, you know, she got her all the cool stuff I get.

I got her a 20 year bond.

And I'll tell you what, thinking that would have been the lamest gift.

She played with the, with the piece of paper the whole time.

So Emily, Emily picked out a ball pit.

She picked out all these, this thing and that thing.

What's she playing with?

The piece of paper that says 20 year bond on it the whole time.

So I think I won Christmas.

No, it was, it was really nice.

We were isolationists on Christmas.

Everyone came to us, everyone brought food, which was really great.

We were like, hey, you know, we're doing a potluck breakfast.

Then we didn't make anything.

Right?

Because everyone's bringing Nick and Sarah.

Potluck is when everybody brings a gift.

It's not getting a free bag of weed.

Yeah, I forgot to.

So we didn't make anything because everyone brings something.

Nobody knows what anybody else brought.

Right.

So I could have brought anything.

I could have supplied anything, right?

So that's the great thing about potlucks.

I love that.

Really a really good time.

Everyone out of the house by like three or four.

And then we just had the rest of the day, just hang out.

Which was a dream because every Christmas we're always going somewhere.

Except for this.

This year we just go up to our room and.

And we got, you know, adulting.

The adulting gifts.

Right?

We got new bedding.

We got new bedding.

Oh yeah.

Not that kind of gifts.

Not adult gifts.

Adulting gifts.

Got.

Yeah, new bedding, which was great.

Nick's mother in law got herself an adulting gift.

Yeah.

Really, really good Christmas.

The adulting gifts, like they get worse when you get older.

Because my dad this year got me a camera for the garage door, but it's for the buttons on the outside because he wants to make sure our house is extra secure.

On top of that, we also got an outlet.

The box that you put into a wall.

I'm like, who's gonna install this?

Hopefully him.

I think Sarah can one up you.

I.

I might.

When I got.

And my mother told me what it was before I got.

Before I opened it because she said this might come in handy.

But you're gonna look at it like it's stupid.

It was a fire blanket.

A fire blanket.

Because I'm prone to accidents.

And she looks at me and she's like, don't worry, I got one for your brother.

And I also got one for myself.

But.

But just, just keep it under your sink, okay?

It's.

It's for when the fire starts.

You put this.

I'm like, thanks, mom.

Thanks.

I really appreciate it.

So I got a really comfortable throw blanket as well.

And that might end up going up in flames.

I don't care about you.

It's about the house.

That's because I rent.

I understand.

Do you guys have like that goat that like every year you're gonna have this in your stocking?

Like for me, my wife gets us all new loofahs every year.

So like every year we get.

It's usually toothbrushes and deodorant.

Like just like the essential bathroom stuff, I guess.

Okay.

You guys do practical stuff.

Yeah, for stockings as well.

Like, Like I get Emily.

Ibuprofen.

Yep.

I travel ibuprofen though.

It's travel.

I've proven.

I got Rachel a bunch of the.

Like the Ollie Melatonin.

Yeah, yeah.

And then like the one for like de stress.

I'm trying to send her messages.

Condoms.

Wait, what?

You have no idea.

Nick.

Wait.

Sarah, what do you put in your stockings?

Candy.

And like fun stuff for them.

Like the girls both got their respective favorite, like face wash.

I mean, I guess that's essential, but like I got them, you know, fake nails that they could put on and nail polish and you know, like, I don't know, girly things that they do.

Essentials, I guess.

Yeah.

Yours is a combination of not like the boring essentials but like, you know, bath bombs, like the fun little essentials or the accessories to the essentials.

Right, right.

Like maybe a bedazzler for the toothbrush.

Lewis's was filled with Pokemon cards and candy, so nerd.

You know, and mine was empty.

I shade Pokemon cards in my.

Yeah, you guys can talk to him about that one.

Lewis, thought you were gonna fill up your own stocking.

No, I literally left on Christmas Eve because I wanted to go and get a last minute gift.

So I drove to a Walmart 25 minutes away in Sanford to.

I know on Christmas Eve, but guess what?

I get the best coffee ever every morning now because it was an espresso maker and it's for him.

Oh, nice.

Nice.

Those are the best gifts.

Every corner in Florida.

Why does you have to get 20 minutes?

Okay, because realistically when I looked on the GPS, it said it was like 10.7 miles to the closest one.

And it had one left in stock, which is risky.

Okay.

But the one that was 10.2 miles away, right off the highway, had exactly, it had four.

So I said I'm going to risk, you know, I'm gonna go on the highway today and hope that my chances are are better.

It makes sense.

And Chris, what you don't understand about Deltona and this is like real talk.

So Deltona is this.

It's this small little town in between Sanford, Debary and Daytona.

But it has nothing.

It has absolutely nothing.

Like the, the Walmart that she's talking about is not actually Deltona, it's Orange City.

Like if you want to go to a Taco Bell, there's nothing in Deltona.

You're going to Orange City.

We just got a Taco Bell.

We just got a Taco Bell right next to A checkers and the dollar.

Tree but that's actually in Debary.

It's right down the street from me this time I swear by it.

But do you live in the hood?

He's right.

No, I moved out of Dahood into Del Rico actually.

But, but yeah, he's right.

It's literally somebody.

There's gas stations and churches.

That's it.

It's, it's true.

And somebody explained it to me as somebody taking a handful of spaghetti and just dropping it on a map and that's what the roads are like.

Everything.

I thought the Rico was in you.

No, that's the weekend.

He'S accurate.

I mean.

Chris, we interrupted you.

Please continue.

Oh, I thought I was done.

What was I even talking about?

I say that to my wife all the time.

I thought you done.

I think that I was just talking about how it was great and getting her more paper next year.

Really nice.

Yeah, well I, I know it's like really cold for you guys but before we get into the weather because I know we, I, I know that there's some stuff with the weather.

Let's, let's check in with the 4 minute and 45 second Giles Gar.

And now it's time for the more you know.

And here's your host, Giles Garmin.

Hello there Giles Garmin here letting you know that on the next episode of into the Disney vet you can hear a censored Disney game.

That's right.

The folks on the show are going to be taking some Disney ride quotes and censored censoring words.

It's a fun game and you'll have to check it out since there's no fun facts about it.

I'm just gonna turn on my TV and see what's on.

Not dancing through death.

There's no more ice cream.

Can't build another house.

Memories gone.

Memory Memory was all already gone.

Why think too hard?

What was I doing?

That's right.

Harami and the gentlemen are back performing your favorite Broadway tunes in honor of the depth of 39th President James Carter.

And they're singing all of your favorites.

You can hear such classic says some people mourn the Carter.

Some news he's dead.

Carter is dead.

The enemy of all of us here.

In Mar A Lago is here in Marlago.

What is this?

The Iran hostage crisis?

What is this feeling in a dungeon and it needs some fun.

Yes, I ran.

Where is Jimmy?

His farm or newsman.

Let's just say I'm in Iran.

Where are you?

Where are our hostages?

It's a terror I don't want to.

Be a martyr defying a second term.

I hope you're happy I hope you're happy Now I hope you're happy how you're more remembered than Ford I hope you like those Camp David hordes?

I hope we're happy I hope you're happy, too?

I hope you're proud of how your middle name is Earl Just a fact of what made me my stomach curl so Though I can imagine how I hope you're happy I hope you're happy Right now it's time to try to.

Find a second term.

I think I'll try to find a.

Second term and some random actor who decides to become Republican can pull me down.

I'm fine accepting election results?

Cause the electrical colors says they're so?

Some things I cannot change?

But I'll try?

I'll never know?

Too long I've been afraid of being remembered as super old?

I guess I've lost To Joe Biden?

To Joe Biden?

A word that rhymes is Pentecost and more popular.

You really weren't popular.

The economy was rough.

No one could buy stuff in adu.

Only one five states and one was Rhode Island.

Who cares about Rhode Island?

Well, clearly you weren't popular.

You had to leave office to be popular.

You did some good charity work but couldn't twerk, and I'm honestly fine with that.

But your Chrysler bailout sure wasn't a good stat.

Jimmy Carter, Was he wicked?

For only $19.99.

And if you call in the next 30 minutes, we'll add in Barack Obama in Chicago.

Got it.

On the musical.

Common Obama, why don't we paint the town?

And all that jazz?

We like the Affordable Care act and gay marriage.

And all that.

You lost your hair, but you won our hearts.

Despite being born in the Mid east by our charts, you were a cool president and should be on a scent.

And all that jazz.

Wow.

Well, after that ad, here, new episodes of into the Disney verse every Monday.

You can find it at into the Disney verse.

D I Z any Y V E R S e on all podcasting platforms.

And that's all from me, Giles Garmin.

Bravo, gentlemen.

That was unexpected.

That was very unexpected.

Very not up to tempo, but very, very good.

Well, okay.

That's a segue.

Sarah, can you give us our very last Jimmy Carter update, please?

Well, guys, Jimmy Carter's dead.

I know.

I don't Know, I.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know if you heard it just a couple seconds ago, but.

Yeah.

Jimmy Carter's dead.

Oldest living president, though.

Wow.

He's dead?

Well, he was.

Oh, okay.

He was dead, so, I mean, good for him.

Well, so he was 100, so.

No other former president has lived to 100.

Right, right, exactly.

So, you know, he broke a record before he died, and I feel like the.

The Jimmy Carter joke was like a broken record, so.

Rest in peace, Jimmy Carter.

There was no update between the last update and his death.

Honestly, a year?

Almost two years.

Two years.

Two years.

Well.

And I've read articles like, there's a bunch of male nurses who are like, you know, look, this was good for.

To create awareness for what hospice really is and that it can last for a while.

It's not just a.

You go into hospice and you die the next day.

I mean, that's been my experience, but apparently.

Did you die?

No, not anybody that I've known that's gone on a hospice.

Well, that's sad, but.

No, it's not.

He was 100, dude.

I know.

He lived a great life.

He really did a lot.

You know, his work with Habitat for Humanity.

He built a lot of houses that'll be on his tomb soon.

Jimmy Carter built a lot of houses.

The house that Jimmy built.

Hey, guys, can I interrupt you for a second?

Because I'm struggling today and I need you to move.

I'm gay.

Nick's on the mic, so it's time to take notice.

And if you don't like it, that's homophobic.

Say the hell out of his way.

So I want to talk about.

So have your kids been on spring break or Christmas break, I guess, for the past two weeks?

It seems like four months, but yes.

Yes.

Did they go back to school today?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Are they go back to.

Why?

Why did they go back on a Tuesday?

Get this, Nick, it's a teacher planning day today.

And I'm like, they had a break.

We need an adult planning jet.

No, but actually, the reality is, in Florida, we celebrate January 6th the right way.

We take the day off.

Forgot about that, too.

So Piper was supposed to go back to school today, but did she?

No.

Here's why.

So we got some snow last night.

We got a giant snowstorm that rolled through the Midwest or I don't know where it came from.

It was massive.

So there's no school because of the snow.

So they canceled school because we.

So, Sarah, when was the last time they canceled school?

Because of rain.

Never.

Never.

Hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane.

Right.

Did you have a blizzard, Nick?

Kind of.

So we were supposed to get 4 to 6 inches of snow, which is a little short for me, but I.

Was gonna say congratulations, but it was.

It was enough to cancel schools.

So in Ohio, I don't know if other states do this or not.

We're actually under a level 2 snow emergency right now.

Yeah, we have that here in Florida too.

Get them or not.

But.

So we're under level two, which means it's not super safe to drive.

It's just like, be careful.

So the buses won't drive in level two.

We're still under level two.

I hope she has school tomorrow, because I.

I work from home.

My husband has also been home a lot.

My daughter has been home.

And I.

I can't work.

I can't breathe.

I can't poop alone.

I couldn't even shower alone today.

Basically, Piper walked in as I'm showering.

She's like, daddy, are you gonna fix Ariel when you get out of the shower?

I'm like, maybe.

Can I shower first?

This is the first time I've showered in like a week, so let me enjoy it.

Yeah.

So I had to sew a shell thing back on the Ariel on her little stuffed animal because they ripped off.

And I'm a good dad.

Oh, like the.

The shell.

The bra shell.

Yeah, the bras.

The cha.

Chas.

My daughter's the same thing.

They always rip.

So she ripped everything off.

So it's been.

It's been off for like three years.

And she just now asked me to sew it on.

I missed.

Was there a joke there?

Sarah was the only one who got it.

That's fine.

We can keep moving.

You're.

You're waiting for a laugh.

I think I was Sarah there.

I got it.

The audience at home was laughing.

I think so.

I'm.

I'm struggling right now just cuz I.

I want my life back.

I want my routine.

It's.

It's been a long two weeks.

Fun.

Excuse me.

They'll take a nap.

All right.

Casey Anthony.

What the.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Just.

Just the chloroform.

Not the.

Everything else.

Just the chloroform.

But those are.

Deposition, dude.

But growing up, though, we had.

We had a lot of snow days when I was a kid too, because I lived in northern Ohio, up in Lima.

I don't know if you've heard of.

Had a TV show called Glee, so.

Gran Lima.

Glee.

Yeah.

That be my favorite running thing when you explain that to us every time.

We.

We used to get a lot of snow when I was a kid, and it.

Today just brought up a memory of when I was in middle school and we were supposed to come back from Christmas break where we get two weeks off and school got canceled because of snow.

When I was a kid, we got canceled for two straight weeks in a row.

So we had an entire month off of school because we had so much snow as a kid.

Wow.

I.

Matt.

Larg.

Never mind.

I ruined the joke.

I was gonna say someone else got cancelled for much longer, but sorry, didn't work.

So it just brought back a lot of trauma, I guess.

I don't know if it's trauma.

I mean, I.

We had fun those times, but now as a parent, I'm like, I don't want her home for another two more weeks.

We went sliding down the driveway today as normal person in Ohio does.

So.

Yeah, it's.

It's here.

But you guys got snow too, Chris?

Yeah, every.

Everybody called off.

It was great.

It was great.

We got.

We got.

We got two inches of snow.

So I've been working real hard.

But you know what's funny is you guys had off or your.

Your daughter had off, and it was a day of work for you.

Emily had off from her work and it was a day off for me because she got to help watch the baby.

Listen, worst case scenario would have been.

The nightmare scenario would have been Emily going to school, me having people on the road for work, and then also my mom not being able to make it to my house because of the snow.

That would have been my nightmare scenario.

Yeah, the.

The trifecta.

Yeah.

Chris, have you had a single full day by yourself with.

With.

No, no, no, that's never existed.

No, no, she's still alive.

So the answer is no.

You show the pictures of her today.

That would.

That should be the answer enough for you.

Yeah.

Super cute pictures.

She's all cute, bundled up in, like, the huge fluffy jacket.

Oh, yeah.

If you want to see those pictures, it's @chrissyab on Instagram.

Yeah, really fun putting her in the snow for the first time.

You know what was the worst part about it, though?

Is that, like, she's almost eight months old.

She's not gonna have fun playing in the snow yet.

It was all for us.

And while she's screaming and crying with tears running down her face when we're putting this marshmallow of a snowsuit and mittens and gloves on her, I felt so bad because I was like this is not for her at all.

This is for Instagram and Facebook and all of our.

And all of our relatives.

Like, you guys, like, oh, that was so cute.

And I was just like, like, pretend like she wasn't sobbing five minutes before.

But you know what?

Chris and, and, and Nick has said this in one of Nick's very first episodes with us about, you know, taking babies to, to Disney.

Like, they're never too young because, yeah, they're not going to remember, but you as the parent is going to remember, is going to remember.

That's a really good point.

That is a really good point.

And there's pictures and, you know, it's memories that you're building.

Not.

It's not.

As a parent, you've got to take time to build the memories for yourself and life, regardless of if your child's going to remember or not.

That is really.

That's, that is a really good point.

It's Nick's point.

I don't want to steal Nick's point.

It's one of, it's one of my biggest takeaways from Nick since I've.

I've known him.

That and his.

Say Chris gets a bigger takeaway.

That is a really good point, though, because, yeah, it was something I'll never forget, especially because I tore up our lawn because I put her in a sled, just pulled her around for 20 minutes trying to make her laugh.

And finally at the end of the 20 minutes, she smiled.

I got her on video.

What's the best, though, is when you're out playing, playing in the snow with your child and you just grab a snowball and then you throw it at your spouse.

Feeling ever.

I threw, I threw.

I wanted to christen my daughter in the snowball, so I, I threw us.

I got it on videos and record this.

And I took a snowball.

I threw it at it because it wasn't gonna hurt her.

She was like seven inches of, of, of like goose feather or whatever they put in.

What do they do in China?

Because they were.

The snowsuit was super Chinese.

It was from Amazon for like $12.

I don't know.

Child hair maybe.

I don't have no idea.

But they have geese over there.

But so I threw it at her and it was really funny.

It'll show.

I'll show her in a couple years.

She just think it's hilarious.

But I.

And then, and then I wanted her to make a snow angel.

Obviously she doesn't know why.

She couldn't even move, let alone like.

And she's eight not even eight months old.

I can't, I can't instruct her to make a snow angel.

So I took her arms as a picture of me.

It looks like I'm pinning her down, but I was, I took her arms and I made a snow angel and it was the cutest thing and she obviously she didn't mind it, but the picture of it looks like I'm like pinning her down like to the ground.

It's really funny, but yeah, super fun.

Definitely will always remember that.

The, the best part about it is if you look on the Instagram pictures, the picture, my house is in the background and my dog and Ellie are in the picture and I, there's this like red orb like in front of my house and it's because I use, it's because I use the erase feature because I, me and my father in law tried to chop down a stump in front of my house and the saw died, the chainsaw died halfway through.

So there's all these big logs on my front lawn.

So I use the Apple feature to erase them.

So the best I get.

So if you zoom in, you'll see all these like creepy looking things on my house, which no one would have noticed if I didn't say that.

But yeah, overall, just such a, such a really, such a fun time.

A couple inches of, A couple inches of snow made for a couple more than a couple inches of memory.

Okay, that was, Tried to, try to try to get something there but didn't work.

You were close, you were close.

I'll just cut that.

Sarah, we've got a, we got.

Did you, you got a couple inches of rain today, right?

Definitely rained here a little bit.

I was inside.

I actually did not pay attention whatsoever.

Well, here's the thing.

My, my Alexa.

Okay, gotta say it quiet because I have so many in the house.

All right.

It will tell us.

It, you know, it makes a little chime when it's gonna rain.

Well, it always tells us after the fact.

So I was on the phone with Lewis during his work break and I heard the chime go off and he said, oh, it's going to rain.

I said, no, it must have already rained.

So it, it did in some way because the ground was a little wet, but not too bad because I didn't hear it.

That's the extent of it.

But it is going to be a.

Feels like temperature of 28 here tomorrow.

Yeah, it's getting down to like Florida 38 tonight.

Right now it's like 59.

It was a really weird day.

It got up to 71, and then it's going down to 30.

30?

Well, it says 51, so that guys.

Are making a very strong case for me to start believing the Republican Party was.

I thought global warming was a thing.

Where is this global warming?

It's climate change, Chris.

Didn't work anymore.

Now it's just climate change.

Yeah, it's going to be 38 tomorrow.

Down to 10 degrees tonight.

So that's fun.

Yeah.

You guys ready to play Jersey Man?

Florida man.

Yay.

Yes.

Where the flipping.

A fanboat, a crash in a truck.

These states are filled with people who suck.

So it's time for us to play.

New Jersey man versus Florida man.

Every week, Ryan brings us two.

Two news stories.

One is from Jersey, one is from Florida.

It is up to us to determine which one is which.

Take it away, Ryan.

Hey, guys, it's the sophisticated gentleman, your assistant in the field news reporter for the Parents Night out news team.

As you can likely tell, Ryan is not here this week.

He is taking the day off in observance of January 6, or what he referred to as Freedom Day.

Because of that, I've decided to go somewhere that Ryan would never go to an event devoted to Martin Luther King Jr.

Let's go ahead and interview this bald guy here.

Sir, what's your opinion on all of the work that Martin Luther King Jr.

Did?

It was.

It was awful.

It was terrible.

Oh, well, that's not concerning at all.

All right, now this bald guy is talking about how he finished all his Christmas shopping late.

That's probably the only time this guy hasn't finished early, though.

He's also talking about how he's really bad at rapping.

Sir, we know.

We've met, Darren.

And now he's participating in an auction for the bullet that was used to kill mlk.

That's pretty awful.

He's saying he doesn't know when to stop.

We know we've heard probably 15 too many episodes of Scott Summaries.

And now the bald guy's standing up and protesting at the event.

What a turn of events here.

Go ahead and ask this other guy his opinion.

Sir, what's your opinion on this man that's doing the protesting?

You look at this guy, you just know he's on a registry somewhere.

Not a lot near women.

You know, he's probably groped a lot of women, so.

Oh, you're probably right.

Oh, all right.

Why are you lying down?

All right, now this guy's sleeping.

And war fire trucks are going by.

All right.

I was just listening to Carline Chronicles or something like that.

There's an elf over here who's complaining about getting carded even though he has a beard.

Sir, your eyes probably didn't reach above the countertop.

They probably couldn't even see your face.

Honestly.

Friendly.

Somebody normal here.

Ma'am, what is your opinion on the man protesting mlk?

I know it's a bit shoehorned in, but I have to get that in somehow.

Which incidentally, is what Chris is often telling Nick.

He's just unfriending people on his phone.

Maybe he just finished feeding kids magnets and left during travels and tribulations and turned on pet cemetery or something, I don't know.

Oh, and now the bald man is starting to say a prayer.

And we thank you that you've raised.

Up a man, Donald J.

Trump, to.

Be a warrior for.

Well, he goes through that definitely concerning and probably sacrilegious prayer.

Let's get into this week's Jersey man or Florida Man.

In our first story, a man was arrested at a traffic stop after falsely posing as a federal agent.

And in our second story, a man killed his fiance, allegedly a day after a proposal video from him was released.

Okay, I don't know the stories.

Chris, what are your thoughts?

I'm gonna go death.

Florida.

I'm gonna go the other one.

New Jersey.

Nick.

What the.

What was the first one?

I forget that quick.

So I'm like.

I forget that was so.

I was still laughing from the second.

I was like, you're laughing.

I'm like, wait, what?

It was a guy acting as a secret Service.

That's what it was.

He was a agent.

Federal agent.

Solid valor.

That sounds like a Jersey, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, Sarah, I'm going to agree.

I think the murder was.

Was Florida.

Yeah, I think federal agent is Jersey.

All right, let's find out the answers.

And our first story was from Florida where 61 year old George Albert.

Or is it Jorge?

I need to ask Lewis to help me out, somebody.

Alberto Alfonso was arrested after driving a truck, getting stopped at a traffic stop and then saying that he was a federal agent.

Trooper said the truck didn't appear to be a law enforcement vehicle because a woman was reportedly in the passenger seat waving her arms in distress.

That'll do it.

I don't know, maybe he was part of the thought Patrol or something.

That means our second story is from New Jersey, where a man was charged with the murder in the stabbing death of his supposed fiance just one day after a video was posted to Facebook showing him proposing to her.

It's actually really, really sad.

And as I was doing the segment, I realized New Jersey stories are way more depressing than Florida stories.

And in other news, the World Chess One champion, Magnus Carlsen, quit a tournament after refusing to change out of jeans.

He said that he is too old at this point to care too much.

Clearly, Scott's been the same way for a while.

Too bad Nick wasn't there.

I'm sure he would have gladly dropped his pants at the moment, and I think we all would have appreciated it.

Anyways, that's all for me this week.

Back to you.

Thank you so much, Sophisticated Joe.

That was great.

That was great.

Yeah.

So, Chris, you went out for hibachi.

Unfortunately, I did and might be.

Might turn into.

I might own the place by.

By this time next year.

Yeah.

So go to Hibachi.

The first time I've ever been there, it's.

We did a little guys guys night out with.

With two women who don't know their place yet.

And that was.

It sounded very sexist.

It did because.

Because it was.

It was intended to be.

But anyway, so we go there, just a bunch of guys being dudes.

And I think that.

I don't know if the.

I actually found out that the chef did not read the room.

This is just what the chef does.

The chef comes out and all these hibachi chef Are just, like, certified crackheads.

Like, have you ever been to a hibachi before?

I have.

Yeah.

We have Kobe steakhouse here now.

Are they crackheads down there?

Like, they just start screaming saki at you.

Saki.

You sucky me.

And they start stalking you.

They spray sake in your mouth.

They don't spray sake in your mouth down there?

No.

Oh, they spray a lot of sake in your mouth.

And.

And like, it's when you go to hibachi.

And I guess it's just in New Jersey, it's lawless.

Like, they.

They bring out.

First of all, it's byob.

They're not allowed to serve alcohol, but they're getting every.

Oh, yeah, at this.

The specific one that I went to.

Right.

So they're illegally serving you alcohol because they're spraying not just a little bit of saki.

Like, they're sakiing you the whole time.

I got saki in the face seven times.

And then he just got to the point where it's in, like.

Did you just rename your penis saki?

Then I went to the hibachi, and so they, you know.

You know those squirt bottles that, like, you spray oil on a.

On A flat top with, like the.

Yeah, so that the saki was in there.

It got to the point where he just put it in front of me and, like, he was just letting me drink the saki.

So anyway, he put his penis away and he started to cook.

So but like, a lot of these places, speaking about penises is they.

And I saw this being done.

Another table, they put saki in.

These little Japanese boys with a penis.

You ever see those?

They.

And they spray the.

They spray the little Japanese boy toy and his penis is spraying the saki in your mouth.

No.

Oh, it is insane.

Yeah, it is insane.

So anyway, so he's doing the sake.

The fried rice comes out.

He made the fried rice.

And then he goes, you guys want alcohol?

And we're all like, yeah.

And so he pours.

There's a serving dish that you put your dips in.

He pours, like, a very large serving of alcohol.

He reaches under the table, gets another squirt bottle and sprays a squirt bottle into the serving dish and puts it in front of my friend.

My one friend has his new girlfriend with him.

So of course he takes a shot and doesn't make a face because he's trying to impress his account.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yep.

He gives it to my friend next to me, who is a bonafide degenerate.

It's my.

One of my best friends, but he's a bonafide degenerate with.

When it comes to alcohol.

So byob, he brought, he brought a bar.

It was BYOB for bar.

He brought bottles of wine and beer.

And so anyway, so they serve him the shot.

He takes it, and his face looked concerning, which was concerning to me, because if, if he's drinking something and it is not good, then.

Or it's strong, then it is.

It is strong.

So then they pour one in front of me, and I'm about to take it.

I put it up to my mouth, and my friend looks at me because, dude, like, dead serious.

He goes, don't take that.

It's rubbing alcohol.

He goes, do not drink that.

And, And I, I was like, joking, and I was about to think he said, no, I'm serious.

Do you not serve that?

It is rubbing alcohol.

I guess how you get around a liquor license.

But anyway, so, so well, I, I, I put up to my eye, I smell it, and it's, it's legit.

Just straight alcohol.

Like, just straight rubbing.

Oh, my God.

So I was like, I looked like.

I said, yeah, no, I'm not, I'm not taking this.

And he takes it.

Oh, come on.

Take it.

I was like, I, I'm not.

I.

I'm not doing this.

So he took it.

He gave it to my friend, and he took it, and he was like, I've had Everclear before, and that was not ever clear.

That was.

That was rubbing alcohol.

And so when he's asked if he want.

If we wanted alcohol, I mean, I guess he wasn't lying, but.

But not only did, like, at the end, like, he cleaned the grill with it.

Like, he took out the same bottle and cleaned the grill with the.

The rubber alcohol.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, so.

And like, every, like, the people who took the shots, their throats were burning until the.

The next day.

I, I, I.

I was like, I was on chat.

Gbt.

When I'm there, I'm like, what kind of alcohol do the hibachi chefs clean?

The grill?

They said rubbing alcohol.

Yeah.

So it was legit.

Rubbing alcohol.

They're cleaning the flat top with rubbing alcohol?

Yeah.