On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about something that really lit my heart up.

​It’s all about how a simple question like, “Are you OK?” - can make a world of difference.

Inspired by Australia’s “R U OK? Day,” I share why checking in on our friends, family, and even ourselves is wicked important, especially with all the heavy stuff going on in the world. 

I open up about my own experience and how sometimes, just being asked a sincere, “How are you really?” - can be a game changer.

It’s not just about asking the question, but about being present, paying attention, and noticing when someone might be struggling - even if they’re the “strong” one in your circle.

I discuss why people sometimes don’t reach out for help, and how we can be the ones to go first and offer a listening ear.

I also break down the “R U OK?” four-step “ALEC” framework: Ask, Listen, Encourage Action, and Check-In.

I talk about how to prepare yourself before having these kind of conversations - making sure that you’re ready, in the right headspace, and have consciously picked the right moment.

I also share some tips on how to really listen without judgment, encourage small steps forward, and follow-up so people know you truly care.

My hope is that you’ll take this episode as a little nudge to check in on someone you care about - or even yourself.

We all need each other to get through the madness of life, and sometimes the smallest act of kindness can be the biggest blessing.

So, are you OK?

And if you’re not, I hope you know you matter and there’s always someone out there who cares! ❤️

KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:

•​ Asking “Are you OK?” can make a real difference in someone’s life.

• The annual “R U OK? Day” in Australia encourages everyone to check in on the people around them.

•​ Pay attention and noticing changes in someone’s mood or behavior is a sign to reach out.

•​ Before starting a meaningful conversation, make sure you’re ready, prepared, and have picked the right moment.

• The 4-step “ALEC” framework - Ask, Listen, Encourage Action, and Check-in - offers a simple way to support others.

•​ Listening without judgment and being fully present helps people feel seen and cared for.

• Encouraging small steps or connecting someone to resources can be more helpful than trying to “fix” everything.

• Following up after the initial conversation shows you genuinely care and builds trust.

• Even strong or independent people need to be checked on, as they may not ask for help.

• Practicing kindness and compassion, even in small ways, can have a wicked big impact! 

BIO:

Spiritual Mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses humor and dynamic storytelling to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to self-development. 

Bringing together tools that coach the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen helps clients deepen their connections with Self, and discover their unique understandings of spirituality. 

Her practice combines neuroscience, subconscious reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, somatic work, spiritual mentoring, and other holistic modalities to help regulate the nervous system, examine internal narratives, remove blocks, and reimagine what’s possible. 

A passionate yoga teacher, long-time student of A Course in Miracles, and Gateless Writing instructor, Karen is a frequent speaker and retreat leader. Via her programs The Quest and The Nest, she coaches both individuals and groups. 

With The Karen Kenney Podcast, she encourages listeners to shift from a thought system of fear to one of love, compassion, and personal responsibility.  

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm really

happy to be here with you, and mostly I'm happy for the

opportunity to connect with you. You know, I never take that for

granted, that there are actual humans out there who decide to

spend part of their day with me, and whether I'm going with you

on a walk, like you're walking your dog or your kids in the

stroller, or you're just out there with your weighted vest

on, or whatever you're doing, or you put me on when you're in the

car, I'm surprised, like at least once a week, I'm surprised

when somebody will off handedly, say to me, yeah, that episode

where you talked about and I'll say, Wait, you listen to my

show. So I honestly super duper appreciate it. And look, there's

some heavy shit going down on the in the world. And when isn't

there, you know? And I thought about it. I thought about it

long and hard. I have plenty to say. I have plenty to say about

all the different kinds of violence that have been

happening in the world. I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of

things, and when I thought about getting into it today, I

thought, You know what? I want to do something, and I want to

share something that actually lit my hat up, and it's

something that I wanted to share with you, not that the other

conversations aren't important, because they are. And I just, I

always just say I trust, I just trust my inner in a teacher, and

I trust the divine intelligence that's trying, that tries to

come through me and my knucklehead. So this is what I

want to talk to you about today. Um, I may have mentioned on an

episode a long time ago, and I did a post about it somewhere.

Sometime I wrote about this. I know I did, but back in college,

I went to Boston University and back at BU I you know, we're

freshmen. When you first get into college, like, of course,

at that age, you think you know everything. You kind of have

your head up your ass, but you don't really know it yet. But

you know, everybody's trying to figure out, like, who they are

and their identity and what their thing is. And I had a

friend who was taking some psychology classes. I think we

all took psychology, like, our freshman year as one of the

electives, or whatever. But she was, like, really into it. And

so she would always come up to us, and she would look at us,

and she'd say, how are you like, how are you doing? And she'd be

like, especially as a little Masshole, right? I'd always be

like, fine. And she'd be like, and she would stop, and she'd

like, squint her eyes, and she'd nod her head, and she's and I'm

doing it right now. If you're watching this, you can see me

doing it. She would like, really look at you and, like, tilt your

head and squint her eyes and say, but how are you really and

it like used to drive me crazy, right? Well, fast forward. Fast

forward. Here we are today, and I can deeply, deeply, deeply

appreciate the powerful impact of that simple question. And I

was just reminded of this because I came across that that

in Australia, the second Thursday of September, there is

a day that is called i, u, O, K, day. Are you okay day? And it

always falls on the second Thursday of September. So the

date sometimes changes. This year, it fell on September 11,

and I thought, just what a perfect day for this to land on,

for so many different reasons. And the premise of this, this

organization, are you okay? The Are you okay? Kind of

foundation, or whatever, was started by a guy whose father

had taken his own life, right? He had died by suicide, and he

got inspired, of course, by that tragic loss, like something

like, I think his father took his own life in like, 2009 and

then however many years later, as an adult, you know, who now

had children and stuff like that. He decided to create this

organization. And the premise and the heartbeat of it is, you

ask people now, so they use the letter, this is a hot letter for

me to say, Ah, it's a literally think of it like this, the

letter, ah, the letter U, and then okay with the question

mark, right? Are you okay? And what I love about this

organization is that they encourage people to reach out to

others around them and ask this question, like, are you okay,

checking in with people? Right? It's encouraging people checking

in with people, and especially when, and this is one of the

parts that I love about it, because the requirement on this

pot, your pot, if you participate in this, is you have

to be awake enough and pay attention enough to recognize

that maybe somebody has been a little off lately, maybe you

notice a change in their demeanor or their mood. Food or

their energy or whatever. You know how you just know when a

person you know, or a person you work with, or a person you go to

class with, or whatever, the thing is, you just maybe get a

hit, like, I don't know, they might be struggling, they might

be suffering. So number one is you gotta be able to be aware of

your environment, like, like, get out of your own little

bubble and pay attention to the people, the animals, the things

around you, right? Enough and pay attention enough that you

can clock. Oh, yeah. So and So seems a little down. So and So

seems a little quiet. So and So seems a little off. Like,

whatever the word Your word is for that, right? And what one of

the things I loved about, first of all, I just love that they

asked this question. And also they're reminded that while

there is an i u okay day, we can ask this of each other anytime,

any day. You know what I mean. But what's beautiful is that

they recognize that some people may not feel comfortable asking

these questions, or may not feel equipped to ask these questions,

or might be afraid that, what if they get an answer of like, No,

I'm not okay, and they feel like they're not prepared, or

whatever. And one of the things that they do is they talk about

it, and, you know, one of the things that I took away from it

is the realization that a meaningful, and that's the key

word, like a meaningful, so we don't just ask it flippantly,

like, are you okay? Like, and then move on with your life,

right? It's how a meaningful conversation can really, really

make a difference. How being willing to ask the question,

even if it's awkward, even it's a little uncomfy, even if you're

a little nervous about it, that you take the time to like do

this, to pay attention and then to ask. And because they know it

can be hard for people to bring these kinds of things up, they

give you simple steps, right? And it's four simple steps of

how to do it. And these four simple steps can totally change

a life. And I know that some people, and they have, like, a

lot of stats and a lot of resources. We're going to talk

about that, but I know that a lot of times people think that

they're like, I don't want to be nosy, I don't want to butt in. I

don't want to like, place myself, maybe where it's not my

place, blah, blah, blah. But the research shows that when you

consistently check in with people, when you consistently

ask them, like, how are you doing? I noticed this, are you

okay? These kinds of things actually help people to feel

grateful. People state that, that they feel grateful, that

they feel supported. They feel like they matter. They feel like

they've been seen. They feel like somebody actually wants to

hear them and listen to them. They feel cared for. And let me

tell you, this

my last episode. I was talking about how we are so disconnected

right now. Everybody's in their own little bubble. So many

people are just like in their own world, thinking about

themselves, not looking up from their devices, not checking out

what's going on. And there's a lot we know that there's a lot

of separation and division and shit that's going on in this

world. And for a lot of people do not feel like they belong,

that they matter, that they are seen, that anybody notices that

maybe they're off or different or whatever, and it's such a

simple thing to be able to ask somebody, you know, like, are

you okay? How are you doing? I noticed this, and, you know,

that's why there's a joke that sometimes goes around and

sometimes, like, you know, with women in people, especially who

I know that are considered like strong people or the strong ones

you know, we sometimes will jokingly say, hey, check on your

strong friends. We see we see it in memes. We sometimes see

therapists, you know, do content online, saying like, hey, check

on, check on the people that you tend not to worry about, right?

Because people are not always going to raise their hand or

shoot a text or call you or whatever and say, Hey, I'm

struggling. Hey, I'm suffering. Hey, this thing is going on, and

I feel overwhelmed and I don't know how to handle it on my own.

A lot of people kind of suck at asking for help, asking for

support, and they're not going to be the one to bring it up. I

can't tell you how many conversations I've had with

people when I ask them, Well, if you're struggling, or if you're

suffering in some way, and why, why don't you ask for help? And

some people will say asking for help makes me feel weak. It's

not what we did in our family. But one of the things I hear all

the time is, I don't want to be a burden. Life is already so

fucked. So many people are going through hard things. Everybody's

got their own problems. I don't want to be a burden. I don't

want to add on to that. It. So one of the beautiful things we

can do for each other, one of the gifts that we give to each

other is we go first. We are courageous enough to go first

and to ask the question, and I'm going to share with you, like

their four steps that they recommend, and like how they

kind of do it, which is, I think, super, super, super,

fantastic and but I'm also going to share this, this criteria,

excuse me. Hold on, excuse me. The criteria that you might want

to check in with yourself about first before you ask this

question is you have to make sure you know how they always

say, like, when you're on a plane or something like that old

saying, like, you gotta put your own mask on first, right? So I

think of it like this, like you've gotta make sure that you

are in the right place yourself to actually be available, to

actually be helpful, so that your offer to be helpful doesn't

end up becoming harmful, right? So some of the things that they

recommended this, you gotta ask yourself this, these three

questions, am I ready, right? Am I ready to have this

conversation? What's my energy level? Like? Like, what's my

headspace? What's my mindset like, you know, right now, am I

willing? Like, am I, am I open for business? Right? As I often

say, am I, am I able to genuinely listen? Am I gonna be

like, be looking at my watch the whole time or check it on my

phone the whole time? Like, what's my headspace like? Am I

available? Am I open for business? And can I give as much

time as might be needed? Because, look, somebody might,

if this conversation might wrap up pretty fast, and they'll say,

You know what, I am struggling. I am having a hard time, but I

have so much support from my sweetie or my friend, or, you

know what, I have a strong family support system, or, you

know, I just started going to therapy, whatever. So they might

really appreciate it and say, I know I have, I've been off my

game a little bit, but I promise I'm getting support and like,

that's it. That's the time, right? But somebody else might

need a little more time to kind of process things and talk about

things, and, you know, to warm up to like being open and

vulnerable, right? Vulnerability does not come wicked easy for a

lot of people. You know what I mean. So that's the first thing.

Am I ready like, Am I ready to be a good listener? Am I ready

to be present? Am I in a good head space? So I'm not doing

this, and now I'm going to feel overwhelmed and like modded

like, you're not going to matter yourself, because you're just a

people pleaser and you're codependent and you're trying

to, like, you know, like, do more than you're actually

capable of doing. Okay. Then the second question they suggest is,

am I prepared? And it's like, and these are the questions they

said, Ask yourself, Do I understand that if I ask how

someone's gonna going, how someone's doing, the answer

could be like, No, I'm not doing okay. Like, if you ask somebody,

are you okay? And they say, like, No, I'm not. Are you

prepared? Do you also go into it knowing that your job is not to

fix anybody, right? You can't. I mean, sometimes, yeah, maybe

their problem is they're hungry, and you can buy them a sandwich.

Maybe you can fix that. But it doesn't mean if they're an

unhoused person, that you can continue to like, do that,

right? We can't fix everybody's problems. Some things we can

fix. Maybe you can connect them with somebody. Maybe you have a

resource that they need. Like, yeah, but it's, it's like,

sometimes you might not be able to, and do you accept also that

just because you're ready to talk and you're ready to ask,

and you're ready to be available and present. They might not be

able to they may not be ready for it yet, or they might not

see you as you know, somebody that they trust, or a safe place

for them, for whatever reason. You know. So, number 1am, I

ready? Number 2am, I prepared for whatever could happen? You

know, as a result of asking this question, and number three, this

is really, really, really important. This is wicked

important, just in general. Did you pick your moment? You got to

pick your moment. So have you chosen a good time and a place

to actually have this conversation? Did you choose a

place that's relatively private? Is it kind of quiet, maybe,

right? Like, is it comfy, right? You don't want to be, like,

putting somebody on the spot, like, in a really public place,

especially if they're you feel like there might be tears, or

there might be emotion, or there might be, like, whatever's going

to come up, right? Have you figured out a time that would be

good for them, not just you, also you got to keep them if I

raise a good time for them to chat and again? Have you made

sure that there's enough time for the both of you to have this

conversation like these things are like, wicked important as

well. Okay, so here's just to now look some. Of you might be

listening, and you might be like, I already know how to do

this. Well, then maybe this, this episode, isn't for you, but

it might be for somebody else. It might be a good one to pass

on to your children, right? Kids these days, teenagers these

days, young ones. They are going through some stuff. I mean, all

you got to do is go online, look at the news, whatever it is, a

world of fucking violence and madness and insanity, and a lot

of people, again, are not in the habit of looking outside of

themselves and checking in on other people. It is somewhat of

a loss at form. And so you might have kids who like, want to get

better, learn how to be better friends, learn how to be better

listeners, like whatever. I think this is a really, really

powerful and fun way. I just thought it was so lovely when I

heard about this that there was an Are you okay day. I thought

it was so fantastic. I'm like, I got to share it with you. So

maybe this is something that you can share with somebody else if

you feel like you're already an expert at this. All right, okay,

so here are their four steps for how to go about asking this

question and having this kind of conversation. And they call it

Alec, a, L, E, C, easy way to remember this, right? So the

first thing is that you ask. You ask them in your own words,

don't be a weirdo, right? You ask them in your own words,

like, Hey, how you doing? Or, Hey, are you doing okay? Or,

Hey, I noticed, just wanted to check in with you, right? So

number one, you ask, are you okay? Excuse me. The second

thing is, you want to listen.

You don't want to just like, like, there's active listening,

right? There's all different kinds of words about this. In

fact, I wrote it down. I might do a whole podcast about this.

Socrates called it like, I think, reflective listening,

whether we call it conscious communication, active listening,

mirroring whatever, seeking to understand blah, blah, blah,

when we listen, we want to be really good listeners. And

you're listening without judgment, you're listening with

your presence, like you're being present. You're not acting

distracted, you're not checking your watch, like you're actively

listening. You are giving them your time. This is one of the

greatest gifts you can give to people. Is ways of showing love.

One is paying attention. Number two is giving them your time,

but be present. Don't be like a body lights on but nobody's

home. Active listening. Let them know that you're hearing them,

you know what I mean, and then the third step right is

encourage action, so you can ask them things like, you know,

what's the and we do this. Sometimes, I do this sometimes

when I work with clients, especially if we're doing some

sort of if people are, like, highly procrastinating or can't

take steps forward, or sabotaging, or whatever. And you

know, we might get down to what's the next smallest right

step you can take. What's the next smallest step? Like, is

there a step that you can take, a small step that you can take

that could help? Is this anything that you've dealt with

before? Have you found that you've been through this before?

And there were some things that helped and ask them to like,

maybe like, can you remember the things that were helpful now, if

they share something that is outside of your realm of ability

to handle it or to help or whatever, like, you have to

recognize, I always say, recognize what's outside of your

scope of expertise or your ability to help somebody. The

next step, and this is for me, part of being prepared is, can

you help them find some resources, right? Can you help

them to get support? If you are not the person who can do that,

right? There are times when somebody might come to you and

say, Hey, I'm struggling with this. And I'll often say to

people, well, I'm not an addictions counselor, right? We

can talk about X, Y and Z, but if you're really looking for X,

Y and Z, you know, like this particular and it could be

anything. I'm just using that as an example, you know, I tend to

try and understand where I can be helpful and where my desire

to help can actually be harmful if I don't actually have the

skill set or the tools or whatever, or the expertise,

right? Okay? And then the fourth one is to check in. So we just

don't like one and done it. We don't just like check in with

people. Have them bring up all these emotions and then just

never check in with them again. So the check in is repeating,

like circling back, right? My friend and I, my best friend,

Katie and I, we call it kangaroo. I'm going to kangaroo

with you tomorrow. We'll kangaroo tomorrow. We always

say, right? So it's like, are you going to kangaroo with them?

Are you going to check? Oh, that's so interesting. Actually,

this is Australian that this Are you okay? Organization is

Australian. The kangaroo is a spiritual team on the job. And

so it's like, you know, checking in with them, so that it's not

just like a one off or a one and done, right? So that they know

that you care, and that you're actually there, that you didn't

just ask to be polite, you actually give a shit right? To

be consistent, to follow up. This is really, really

important, and it's such a simple thing, you know? And I

was thinking about this, I'm like, What's something really

simple that we can do to spread more love in the world? And I

just thought this fits the bill. This is so powerful, and it's so

impactful, and it's, it's such a small, tiny, little thing, and

it is four simple steps that could change somebody's life,

you know, and so much about this is, what's so beautiful about it

is they offer so many resources. So this is so great again,

especially if you're a parent if you have children, but in any

area of life, I was really blown away. I was really impressed. I

can tell that this organization did their homework, and they

really, really care. So I'm going to spell out the website

for you, and it's the letter, Ah, right? Ah, like, is rabbit,

ah, U. Write the letter U, and then the letters O and k. So

this is the website. It's ah, U, O, k.org, O, I, G, dot, a, U,

and they have so many resources, like, if you want to have this

conversation for with somebody, you work with a co worker,

there's like work resources, there's educator resources,

because what else could be better than than teaching these

skill sets to little kids? So for teachers and educators as

educator resources, there's community resources. There's

ways of talking to your mates or your mob, as they sometimes say

in Australia, how to be, how to be a better friend. And it's

like hashtag, better friending. You know what I'm saying? This

is so fantastic. There's a resource for if you're part of a

sports team or a sports community, right? There's

LGBTQIA plus resources. There's neuro divergent resources like,

how do I maybe ask this questions with my friends who

are neurodivergent, right? There's resources for people who

are going through grief and experiencing grief. There's one

for relationships. There's one for people who are having

financial stress and checking in with them, right? There's one

for people who maybe live in rural areas who are out there

remotely and don't get checked on a lot. There's one for

seniors. There's one for people who speak a different language.

I was like, holy shit. I was so deeply impressed by this. And I

hope, if you're still listening, that you actually do this. I

hope you take me up on this opportunity. And that's what I'm

doing here today too, is I'm checking in with all of you and

asking you, are you okay, and if you're not okay, do you have

somebody you can talk to? Can you reach out to somebody? Do

you have a support system of some kind, a sibling, a friend,

a pastor, a coach, a teacher, somebody so that you, you know,

get to understand that you're not alone. And the thing is, is

that a lot of people you know, like, how do I say this? I'll,

like, talk to pretty much anybody you know what I mean.

Like, I'm not, like, weird about, like, starting

conversations with people. And because of I think of my

personality and also what I do for work and stuff. People can

go pretty deep pretty fast with me, and I'm comfortable with

that. Not everybody is right. So some people might feel like I

don't want to intrude, or it's rude to butt into people's

business or whatever. But you guys, we all need each other.

This is how we're going to get through the madness of this

human experience, the insanity that is this being a fucking

human on this planet today is we need each other, and for

somebody to really turn to you and look at you and see you, and

to put this much time and effort to picking the right time,

picking the right place, asking the question, thinking, ask,

asking those three preparatory things. You know, am I ready? Am

I prepared? And did I pick the right moment? All this is going

to like. It shows this individual that they do matter,

that what they need does matter, that what they're feeling does

matter, that they are loved, that they are cared for. You

know what I mean? It's like, what a beautiful gift to

somebody, and if nobody has done it for you, and if you feel like

you're the one who's always the one asking that question, just

know that I'm asking you right now, how you doing? Are you

okay? And you can answer me if you want to. You know what I'm

saying. People often do write to me and tell me how they're

doing, especially if they're having a tough time and again. I

just thought this was so lovely and so powerful. And I hope that

you ask somebody. And you know, sometimes we have to ask

ourselves this question. Sometimes maybe other people are

all up in their business, their own business, and they're not

paying attention to you at all. And sometimes you have to stop

and get really honest with yourself. And you ask those

younger parts of you inside too. And you say, Hey, how you guys

doing in there? You okay? Because some days we are not

okay. You know what I'm saying, some days are tougher than

others. And I just thought again that this is a beautiful little

thing. And so the four steps again are number one, ask number

two, listen. Number three, encourage action. Shin right the

E, and then number four is check in Alec, a, L, E, C, and I hope

this has been helpful to you. I know a lot of people out there

are not feeling okay right now for multiple reasons. There is

so much there is so much pain, there is so much hatred, there

is so much separation, there is so much violence, there is so

much violence, there is so much that is going on. And we are a

part of, we are part of a lot of what I would call like really,

really sick systems, really sick systems and a sick society. And

if we're not careful, we're all just going to get sicker with

it. And this is one of the ways where we can stop and choose to

do something different, choose to be an alternative to what,

what social media is like, showing up for us, right? Like

all, just all the insanity. And I just think this is a nice way

to practice kindness and compassion and care and love. So

that's what I'm going to leave you with for right now. And I

hope you're doing okay, and if you're not doing okay, I hope

that you can have a listening ear, a kind, compassionate ear,

and remember, if you're going to ask this question, the goal is

to listen without judgment, to listen with curiosity and with

deep compassion. Okay, so one more time, it's the letter i, u,

O, k.org,

dot A, U, and they have amazing resources. And even though their

their date for over September 11, we can do this anytime we

want to. So maybe your are you? Okay? Day will be when you hear

this podcast and you choose to ask this of somebody that you

care about or have been noticing might seem a little off or like

they're suffering or struggling, because we all need each other

to get through this thing called life. You know what I'm saying?

All right, you guys, thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you. I

care about you. I love you. You Do matter. You Do matter, and

you always have. You always have. And so wherever you go out

into the world, may you leave the animals, the other people,

the place, the environment, and yourself better than how you

first found it. Wherever you go, may you and your energy and your

presence and your love and your question of i, u, O, K, be a

blessing. Bye.