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December 2021 Horoscopes: The House of Joy
Episode 1615th December 2021 • Astrology Zoned: A Susan Miller Fan Podcast • Laura von Holt, Alex Gershuny
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Not only did Susan predict a great month for you filled with money, real estate, and a Christmas miracle, but we learned that lucky Sagittarius shares its sign with Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone! December 14, 2021, marks 26 years since Susan Miller invented the astrological internet (or at least that’s how Laura and Alex feel about it). And that’s not the only anniversary this month: Laura and Alex are celebrating one year of podcasting about Susan Miller! 

As always, the episode begins with a discussion of the Note from Susan Miller, and it’s no surprise to anyone that the businesswoman continues to be the focus. Susan gives us more info on her beauty box collaboration, and thanks to an intervention from Jimmy (whoever that is), she even changes her position on whether or not men enjoy skincare. Susan also teases an expensive yoga retreat that Laura and Alex do not plan to attend, as well as a new feature of her app, which makes the gals wonder if Susan is tuning into this podcast! Then Laura and Alex dive into December’s horoscopes, which, as promised, are much better than November’s terrifying forecasts. They start by discussing the exciting month ahead for Sagittarius and their connections to the Sagittarrians in their lives. Then Laura’s discussion of Taurus includes not only exciting predictions for the month, but also valuable information on Ancient Greece, Shakespeare, and her writing in high school. To end, Alex relays lots of positive news to the Scorpios, who have gift cards coming their way in December, and fleets of Cupids in 2022.

Laura and Alex discuss the following at these timestamps: 

Note from Susan Miller: 01:48

Sagittarius: 10:44

Taurus: 19:00

Scorpio: 27:49

Share your own thoughts on Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone with us by emailing


Note: Internet research into Marc Antony’s and Cleopatra’s astrological signs is inconclusive. However, Marc Antony was likely a Capricorn, while Cleopatra may have been an Aquarius, Gemini, or Scorpio.


Laura: Hello, Alex!

Alex: Hi, Laura!

Laura: Happy holidays! Happy December! Ae survived November.

Alex: We did. What a month.

Laura: What a month, which I have to say though it actually ended up being better than her horoscopes, and just so everyone knows, I had to like very exciting end of November, and I ended up texting Alex and being like oh if I had read deeper into the summary, I would not have been so scared.

Alex: Yeah, but it was impossible to, like, get any nuance, out of that forecast because it was so terrifying.

Laura: It was so terrifying, but I did have a very exciting time on November 19, and she had said something like, you might travel November 30. At the time I was like, no, I won't. Then I did travel on November 30.

Alex: I don't know why we ever doubt her.

Laura: I don't know why. Also, maybe one time just for an exercise I'll only circle the nice things.

Alex: I feel that could either be, like, a really encouraging exercise or yeah get to the end and just cry when nothing is circled.

Laura: Yeah, I'll just pick a month when I really need an emotional challenge and do that.

Alex: Maybe do it when it starts getting lighter out.

rom Susan Miller for December:

Alex: Yeah, a lot of exciting things. As usual in the past, the notes this year have been, like, just new thing after new thing.

Laura: I know. Susan Miller businesswoman, she is full force. Nothing’s stopping her. No.

Alex: Yeah. Well, she starts out telling us quickly how much better this month is going to be than last month, sort of reassuring us right from the get-go before she launches into telling us again about her Celestial Collection Beauty Boxes from InStyle and Brandshare.

Laura: Yeah, and it's 58 pages and seven inches by six and a half inches in size. I just thought people should know.

Alex: Yeah, you may recall she gave the stats last month but apparently, we needed them again.

ah. And also, it includes her:

Alex: Yes, and she says it's a great gift. She thinks if you order it now, it should arrive in two weeks. And she also sort of corrects something she had said before, where she thought that maybe it really was only appealing to women as a beauty box. She doesn't address the fact that she said that, but she says, my guy friends like it, too, as Jimmy said to me: Hey, we guys have to take care of our skin too, to which I put a note in the margin that said, who is Jimmy?

Laura: Who is Jimmy? But also, everybody has skin and I'm glad that we could come together around skin care.

Alex: Me too. Men have skin, too!

Laura: Men have skin, too! Who knew?!

Alex: So, Jimmy, I'm glad that you're enjoying it.

Laura: Yeah, who is Jimmy? Never heard of him but excited to know more about the people in the Susan Miller universe.

Alex: Yeah.

or their enthusiasm about the:

Alex: I agree.

Laura: Much cheaper so a much more worthy investment.

Alex: Yes, despite the fact that I’m not on TikTok, I actually saw, I know what you're talking about. So clearly, it has made it into the mainstream the fact that this Chanel advent calendar is such a giant rip off. And yes, I agree. Do not waste your money on that. Get this beauty box because you get all those products and a subscription to InStyle and the devotion of Susan Miller.

Laura: Right. So, way better I’m just gonna say. And then, I think, one of my, I had two favorite parts of the Note, this is my second favorite part, she announced a special, oh, sorry, sorry, before that, Susan Miller said, let’s just read this: one reader wrote saying she would like my app to have the capability to read the daily and monthly forecast her. She has trouble with her eyes, and I was sensitive to her request, because I have the same problem. And you know it was earlier this year that Susan Miller had the surgery and then she started putting her horoscopes out on time. And we were like, whoa, that surgery must have gone really well, but we haven't heard about her eye health for months.

Alex: No, and her eyes were something that she mentioned all the time and then she had the surgery, and we never heard another word about it.

Laura: Yeah. And then she wrote, at first I thought adding this feature will be too expensive to do but I continue to have discussions with my engineers. Long story short, you will have this capability on my app and your cell phone very soon. We are finished coding this feature and awaiting Apple and Google's approval. I feel many people love podcasts which we know because A) she tells someone every month to start a podcast, and B) Is she listening to this podcast? Are we out of a job, Alex, are we out of a job?

Alex: I think we're gonna have to wait and see what this feature is actually like.

Laura: I do feel, like, if it is like a podcast that, like, we help Susan Miller finally get there.

Alex: Me too.

Laura: Even if she doesn't listen, it’s us and Clubhouse that helped her with this audio thing.

Alex: Agreed.

Laura: Yeah, but so anyway, she said that you might like to have my daily and monthly forecast read to you while you multitask, so stay tuned, you will have this soon and thanks to the reader who wrote to us. We really do read every letter. Often a reader has a great idea to share like this one, and I'm happy about this feature because I think you will love it. So, audio coming to the Susan Miller app very soon. And, but we don't know is Susan Miller going to read it? Is it going to be like an AI or a Siri kind of voice?

Alex: I initially assumed it was going to be a robot, but maybe not.

Laura: Do you think it'll be, like a, one of Susan Miller's quote unquote, like, celebrity friends?

Alex: I hope so now.

Laura: Like, if it’s not Susan Miller, what if she’s like, oh I’ve this so and so person we’ll never have heard of them but they'll sound like they have a lot of credentials, that'll be very exciting. But I think having Susan Miller read it would make the most sense but that's a lot of extra work for her.

Alex: I mean, Susan, if you're listening, we could do it for you.

Laura: Yeah, Susan, if you need us to read your horoscopes with people, we are available and we can probably do a really quick turnaround, but it'll be late because everything's late.

Alex: Yeah, but I don’t think she’ll mind.

Laura: Yeah, but I think we can record something in the time that the editors are taking to upload it to the blog.

Alex: Yeah, that's right. We can stay in touch with the web developers.

like, reading a horoscope for:

Alex: Yes, and it's $125 to attend.

Laura: So, we're not going to go.

Alex: No. But if you do go, let us know.

Laura: Let us know. And if you know yoga celebrities, please go to Aziam’s website, As I Am’s website, and let us know if those are actual yoga influencers or just yeah attractive Californians.

Alex: Yeah, could be either way.

Laura: Yeah, let us know.

Alex: And then she ends the Note with arguably the most exciting part.

Laura: The most exciting. Alex, please.

Alex: Congratulations to Susan because on December 14 Astrology Zone will celebrate 26 years on the internet.

Laura: Wow, happy birthday!

Alex: Yes, happy birthday to Astrology Zone, who is a Sagittarius.

Laura: Sagittarius. Wow, thank you.

tarted my site on that day in:

Laura: And then she says, most of all, I'm grateful to you, dear reader, for your faithful enthusiastic support. And I was like, oh my god, happy birthday, Astrology Zone. 26 years. That is like a million years in internet years.

Alex: It is, and yet very youthful and sprightly.

Laura: Very youthful and sprightly, and, you know, obviously still relevant as we are still obsessed. So, yeah, great. So, is a Sagittarius, and it's also Sagittarius season.

Alex: Happy Birthday, Sagittarius!

Laura: Happy Birthday, Sagittarius! And one of my sisters is a Sagittarius so I feel fondly about them.

Alex: My sister is a Sagittarius, too, so happy birthday to our sisters.

Laura: We both have Sag sisters?! Oh my gosh, I didn't know.

Alex: Yes, and I actually have quite a lot of close friends who are Sagittarius, even though apparently that’s not exactly a match for Scorpio. I will tell you the reason that I think this is true, although once you hear the story you may think it's a dubious source, but one of my friends, Jaclyn, who was a Sagittarius, moved to LA a few years ago, and she's a lifelong New Yorker, so of course as one does when she moved to LA and, like, LA things started happening to her she would always text me and be like, you can get a vitamin IV drip at the mall, or like, why does this bread, like, come with crystals? You know, like that kind of stuff.

Laura: Yeah. Wow. Uh huh.

Alex: So, one day she texts me and she's like, I'm in an Uber and the driver just started talking to me about astrology. I mean, the dream, kind of.

Laura: I mean, wow, what an LA dream. Yeah, like, that's everything you want to see when you go to LA is like you want to see the Hollywood sign and you want, like, your Uber driver to talk about, like, crystals or astrology or something.

Alex: And I guess he said to her something like, oh, tell me, like, about your friends. And she said, oh, I have a close friend who's a Scorpio. And he told her that by being friends, a Scorpio and Sagittarius, we're beating the odds.

Laura: Wow.

Alex: I'm not sure I believe this because again I have very, a lot of close friends who are Sagittarius, but I like to think that we're all beating the odds.

Laura: No, I think that's great. Whenever I read Sagittarius memes, they don't remind me at all of my sisters. I've been, like, constantly confused, but I haven't really dug more into her chart to, like, really figure that out. But I also think that she's my little sister, so I have, like, special feelings about her and think are, like, exempt from like any other, like, rules.

Alex: Right. So happy birthday to all of you!

Laura: Happy birthday! And I will say it seems to be like a good month for the Sagittariuses, Sagittari?

Alex: Sagittarians? I don't know if that's right.

Laura: I don't know. Anyway. Seems like it's going to be a good month. Um, let's see. So, Susan did mention the new moon eclipse of December 3 to the fourth, and she said that this one, that it would be bringing important opportunities and news that have the power to bring you down a new path. Something may end but something may also begin. And she said the tightest aspect is the one that will color the experiences of the eclipse and this one is in Saturn, which is currently in your third house of communication about to ultimately add a feeling of security with a strong possibility for long-term gain. And then she loves to give a long list of possibilities.

You may have gained influence and followers through your writing or speeches, teaching, sales, marketing, publicity, advertising, or coding, or because of your evolving skills and sophistication in negotiation. Everything you've learned in one or more of the communication arts is about to come to play as a result of this eclipse. And she also said your third house also covers your siblings, so you may hear good news about an exciting accomplishment of your sister or brother. So, of course, I will let my sister know, I'll definitely tell you all my good news, be very happy for me.

Alex: Yeah, That's the way to handle it. Yeah.

Laura: Yeah, thank you. Of course, the Taurus is, like, yeah, Sagittarius, don't worry, your birthday month is actually about me. Thank you.

Alex: Yeah, it's in my house of fame. Or whatever Susan always tells me. Yes, and also the third house also rules travel apparently, too. So, she says, if you do take a trip, it will probably be short and within 200 miles of your base.

Laura: Okay.

Alex: Just FYI, Sagittarius.

Laura: Just FYI, Sagittariuses. Then she went on to talk about the full moon of December 18 and she said it might bring a Christmas miracle. I don't know what that means, but very exciting. It is the friendliest full moon of the year and will fall in Gemini, your seventh house of partnerships. This full moon will bring a relationship or a situation to culmination. You might get engaged or others will soon decide to hire a business partner or an agent, name a new advertising agency, or bring in an important client or other person to work with to mutual benefit. Alternatively, if you've been under pressure from an adversary this full moon will bring things to an end within five days of December 18. Not only is the seventh house the area that shows those who are with you but also those who attack you.

Alex: Uh oh.

Laura: I know. And I didn't know this, this area of the chart in the seventh house is called the seventh house of open enemies. And I was like, dang.

Alex: Yeah, oof. Get your guard up, Sagittarius.

Laura: Yeah. Whoa. So, um, but she says I don't think that your enemies have the stamina to keep going, and I was like, I was like, good job, and also I feel like Sagittariuses are like I can outwait anyone.

Alex: Yeah, absolutely.

Laura: So not to be alarmed. A word of caution, this is for everyone, Venus is going to go into retrograde from December 19 to January 29, and our blanket recommendation is that you don't do any Botox or, like, style improvements because Venus is in retrograde and she rules those things. So, like, wait to change your hair until after.

Alex: Yeah, she said the same thing in mine, but she specifically said in Sagittarius: don’t get your dentist to give you veneers.

Laura: Oh, it's so no veneers.

Alex: No veneers for Sagittarius. Wait until next month.

Laura: Yeah. And then also, Mercury will be going into retrograde in mid-January too so that's just something to, you know, keep your usual eye out but anyway so yeah so don't do your New Year's beauty treatments until February.

Alex: No. And in fact she says, if you want to have a party, you should do it on Saturday, December 11, and then otherwise you really just have to wait until after February 4.

Laura: Wow. Ok.

Alex: You know, if you're thinking about, like, your glam beauty treatments yeah and going out into the world, you can’t really do it anyway so just hold your horses.

quest. And the first month of:

Alex: Yeah, it sounds like 2022 is the time for you, Sagittarius, to move.

So that was a nice preview of:

Alex: That was. A lot of positivity. Yeah, so enjoy your birthday month. Susan thinks it's gonna be a great time. I hope it is.

Laura: Yeah, and if you get a new house like invite me over, sister.

Alex: That was not at all pointed.

Laura: Actually, my sister did just renovate her kitchen and it looks great, so I feel like it's only gonna get better from there.

Alex: Absolutely. She should do more.

Laura: She should do more. I should probably help her when I go home for Christmas and be the Christmas miracle.

Alex: You’ve made yourself the Christmas miracle.

Laura: I’m the Christmas miracle. Of course, the Taurus is like, don’t worry, Sagittarius, I am your Christmas miracle.

Alex: She’s gonna be so amazed to find that out.

Laura: So amazed. Yeah, you’re welcome. All right, well that's good. Happy Birthday Sagittarius.

Alex: Shall we move on to Taurus?

s your horoscope for December:

Alex: Great. So Susan really started off strong: This could be one of the best Decembers you've seen in recent years. I’m like that is a bold statement, especially for this state of the world but hey, who knows.

Alex: That’s great.

Laura: Yeah, we'll find out. She mentioned the eclipse of December 3 to the fourth and she says they again they usually signal change so maybe that you will be earning are receiving money from a new source soon and the money that we're talking about this likely a commission or a

royalty payment or may stem from a loan or mortgage or, like, maybe a surprise inheritance. Alex: Ooh!

Laura: I know. Exciting. But then I also hate when she says that because I'm like I don't want anyone to die so I get nervous. But anyway, surprise money, yay!!!! She also said the Mars will be in your partnership house which will be signaling Pluto and give you boundless energy and drive and I was like, oh, thanks. You may be enthusiastic about changes you're making your life, and Mars and Pluto will give you the energy to see your goals through to completion. Or you might be very supportive of your partner’s decisions, and I was like, ok, great.

Alex: Those are sort of different, but ok.

Alex: Yeah, they're different, but okay. Anyway, she said December 11, Mercury will be in sextile to Jupiter and it was a good day to make money and a good day to sign a contract, give a speech, go shopping, submit a written document, or launch an app into the marketplace. So, keep an eye on December 11, Tauruses. Then there was a lot about money and like money up and down, so like money is coming in but money is also going out, which I also feel just actually the constant state of things, but there seems to be an emphasis on that in December. The full moon on December 18 will emphasize your financials. You might be paying bills and clearing your accounts. It will be a glorious full moon, and so your sun in Jupiter will be in perfect communication linking your past job performance with sums of money that could come to you. So while you're paying big bills, you might also be getting all these bonus sums of money. Your career should be going great guns, and I was like, ooh I haven't heard before! Great guns!

Alex: No!

Laura: Yeah! And you may see a bonus or valuable gifts for work well done. Jupiter will be in your professional sector but will leave on December 28 when it enters Pisces so seal as many deals as you can this month before Jupiter departs. Yeah, she said there's been more of a focus on money from December 13 to January 24. You might be focusing on ways to earn additional catch cash or there be balances on your credit cards might rise or you might have to write a lot of big checks but then again there's more money coming in, so yeah.

Alex: Did she tell you, like, you know, how sometimes she says, like, you're going to be spending money, but don't stress out about it?

Laura: Yeah, she didn’t say don’t stress, she just thinks there’s going to be an emphasis on, like, clearing the decks of bills and making large things but also more money's gonna come in so I don't know it just seemed that there was a lot of emphasis on financials that she said. She also wanted to remind us that again Venus is going into retrograde. Venus is one of our ruling planet so it really will affect us so like don't do Botox. No style changes. And Mercury goes retrograde in mid-January so basically do everything before December 19, or after February 3.

Alex: Yeah, I wouldn't get veneers.

Laura: Yeah, don’t get veneers, as we warned Sagittarius. But she didn't say, you will likely set off colorful fireworks in February, so be patient. So if any if everything feels a little slow because Venus is retrograde just get ready for February. She says your social life will show an uptick, which is very exciting. Okay. But then, then we went to I think my favorite part is there was an ancient Greece alert. I mean she didn't say it like that, but I was like wait hold on. We're going to Ancient Greece now. She says the Hellenistic astrologers in Greece circa 323 BC. Now pause for a second because I was like, wow it has been a hot minute since I have thought of the Hellenistic era, and I was like, it's not the Helen of Troy era, no that's different. The Hellenistic era, I went and reminded myself

Alex: Thank you.

Laura: You’re welcome. It’s when Greek history, language, and culture from the death of Alexander the Great to the defeat of Cleopatra and Marc Antony by Octavion in 31 BC, which then reminded me that my favorite Shakespeare play is Antony and Cleopatra. And that is a very Taurean play for sure. Anyway, if you guys haven't revisited that one lately I just would. But anyway, so yeah Hellenistic era.

Alex: Thank you for doing a little dive on that because I didn't know what it was. Susan usually just says ancient astrologers. She doesn't usually get this specific.

Laura: Yeah, Greece, we're talking about Greece, and we're talking about 323 BC. So anyway, the Hellenistic astrologers in Greece spoke of the 11th house being the house of joy, and that's where Jupiter is going to be for Tauruses so you can see a dream come to fruition. The 11th house brings rewards to efforts made in the 10th house of honors, awards, and achievement.

So, in other words you're about to see a bountiful harvest of some of the seeds you planted in this past year. Yeah, very excited. Also, I really remembered, like, a really good paper I wrote in high school about Antony and Cleopatra, and I think that's why it’s my favorite play because I did so well on it in class.

Alex: Well because the play spoke to you as a Taurus.

Laura: As a Taurus. I don't know Cleopatra’s sign and I don't know Marc Antony’s sign but like their whole tragic love thing was very like, I mean. Cleopatra is a lot of, like, I mean, Cleopatra has, like, a lot of Taurean, like, sensibilities, you know, but I feel like she might have been actually a Scorpio, like some of her, like, dramatic actions.

Alex: I do, too.

Laura: We’ll Google that. We’ll put in the show notes what Cleopatra’s sign is.

Alex: We will. We’ll tell you if they were beating the odds or not.

Laura: Yeah, were they beating the odds? Anyway, moving on, she wanted to assure us that Christmas and New Year's are going to be full of friends and relatives and we will be, like, delighted to connect. So, that sounds good. And then again Jupiter is moving to Pisces on December 28, and will settle into your 11th House of friends, hopes, and wishes for months.

So, this is again friendship was going to be a big thing. Many new people will arrive from various walks of life, and they will be successful types who will encourage you to reach for the stars. It would be an understatement to say that your friends new and old will be highly supportive of you and touch your heart with their care and generosity. And I was like, wow successful types. And then she said, you might even want to join a club. And I was like, ooh, yeah, I do want to join a club. Thank you.

Alex: Ok, I'm excited about this prospect of you joining a club and meeting successful types

Laura: Successful types.

Alex: Who are going to encourage you on your journey.

Laura: Yes, I was like, I love successful types. Yes, basically power pair, power friends. And then she also said something huge will happen before you reach the end of the year on December 28 when Jupiter moves into your house of friendship. It will leave your career sector that day. But if you've not had time for friends and socializing all that will start to change. Jupiter will be a great many new people to you, and then your new friends will motivate you to think bigger and broader than you have in the past. So, they're going to show you how to become more successful. And then she wrapped up with some more Greek blessings.

Alex: Susan! Unexpected.

ext year, October to December:

Alex: Hold on to your dreams.

Laura: Yeah. Uh huh, uh huh.

Alex: Wow, you got a great horoscope this month.

Laura: Yeah, great horoscope. Your deeply held desire is given wings.

Alex: Hold onto your dreams, have fun in the house of joy.

Laura: Yeah, house of joy. House of hopes and wishes. The Hellenistic era is with you.

Alex: Yeah, the ancient astrologers are weighing in.

BC and:

Alex: Ooh, that's a good one.

Laura: Yeah, really, yes.

Alex: Well, I'm very happy for that lovely report after what we went through in November. Laura: Yes, me too.

Alex: Nothing makes me happier than to hear about the house of joy.

Laura: Definitely. So how was Scorpio, Alex?

Scorpio, here's your December:

Laura: You know, you never want to, like, refuse money, like the energy of money, you always want to accept it, so like I would be grateful for the gift card, but I would also prefer, like, obviously if you got something a little more exciting. But hey, you know, a gift card is still great. Alex: Yeah, it just seemed like kind of a bummer because like, you know, yours was like, all this money, and Sagittarius was money, and then mine was like, you might get a gift card. But again, love a gift card, love to, like, hoard a gift card and never use it.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. And then remember it because you’re like, I never go to this store but now I have it.

Alex: Exactly. So she said, you're gonna spend a lot of the month spending money, like putting out a lot of money, and she said this could be because it's December and you're buying people gifts, which like, you know, I didn't really need Susan Miller to tell me that but I appreciate you know the heads up. It's true, I do spend a lot more money in December because I'm buying people presents. So again, lots of stuff for money. She says, listen if you're a Scorpio who is in a position to ask for a raise, she encourages you to do it. So, ask for that raise. She kind of goes on and on about the spending quite a lot and she says there's kind of a possible, like, lifestyle shifts and she doesn't say exactly what they are. Well, she does kind of give a list, you know, things you might expect: having a baby, going back to school, getting married, starting a business, something having to do with real estate, and this kind of lifestyle shift could be what leads to that like high-level spending. But she did say don't be too concerned about it, it'll be fine, and it'll work out.

Laura: Ok that makes me feel better and I think most people know that the holidays is just an expensive time.

Alex: Yeah, exactly. So she says the full moon is gorgeous. It’s not an eclipse but it is a grateful moon because you're going to receive golden rays from Jupiter and the giver of gifts and luck, which is when I may receive the gift card, apparently.

Laura: Okay, great. I can't wait to see which gift card you get. Also, if anyone of Alex's loved ones are listening to this, now you know a gift to get her.

Alex: Right. You can't argue with Susan. If you got me something else, take it back.

Laura: Take it back, give her a gift card.

Alex: She says, if you're looking for venture capital, those to whom you present will be interested in what you have to say and you could get funding. The place where this full moon falls is called the house of other people's money.

Laura: Oh something has traveled through the house of other people's money for me, as well.

Alex: Ok, I was sort of surprised to see that. So she said it could also be something in the form of, like, a mortgage or an insurance claim and it should be good news.

Laura: Great.

Alex: Yeah. So then she talks about Uranus. And she calls him the planet of surprise. She actually speaks about him quite favorably this month, instead of, like, blaming all the world's problems on him.

Laura: Last month was not good for him.

Alex: No, not at all. And he is going to send glittering rays to Mercury, bringing unexpected positive and exciting news about money. She really has spent, like, pages now on money and lots of money. I was thinking maybe I should play the lottery.

Laura: Ooh, that's a great idea.

Alex: Well because I'm like, I'm not going to get a raise or a bonus so maybe I should play the lottery.

Laura: So you should play the lottery. Oh, that's a fun idea. Let's do that.

Alex: Yeah.

Laura: Can people give you gift cards for the lottery?

Alex: I don't know but they could buy me tickets.

Laura: They can buy your tickets. That’s exciting

Alex: You know what I always think, though? Like, if someone bought you a lottery ticket as a gift, and then you won, it would be awkward.

Laura: It’s like, it’s actually theirs. Yeah.

Alex: I think you would feel bad.

Laura: You know what though? I read a great book series and the first one is called Beginner's Luck and it’s about three friends who buy a lottery ticket together and then they do win, and the three books are what they do with each of them, then what they do with their money. It’s my Kate Clayborn and it's a really fun series.

Alex: I forced two of my coworkers to go in on the lottery with me once. We won $1.

Laura: Congratulations.

Alex: I was really excited.

Laura: I won $4 once and I was thrilled.

Alex: $4 you didn't have before.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. And my first time playing, so I was like, I gotta give up now, beginner's luck is over.

Alex: Wow, did you give up?

Laura: Yeah, well, maybe I bought, like, one more ticket like another year later. I don’t know.

Alex: I was going to say, showing a lot of restraint.

Laura: Yeah, no, I was like, ugh. Alright, so play the lottery, or get a gift card.

Alex: Yes. Okay, so then she goes into Venus being in retrograde, and she says all the things she said to everyone else. It's about 18 months, so don't do anything drastic to your appearance. Do not get Botox. She also said, when Venus is in retrograde it's not considered a good time to get engaged or to have an expensive party. She said I need to do that earlier in December, or after February 4, which is after Merc retro.

Laura: Wait, Alex, you’re going to be really busy getting gift cards, playing the lottery, and maybe getting engaged, but only before December 19 or after February 3. Like, oof.

Alex: Yeah, I got a lot to do in like the next ten days.

Laura: What if, like, there are Scorpios out there and their partners are going to propose on Christmas. They're like, stop the time, Venus is in retrograde. This does not bode well for all the holiday proposals.

Alex: Wow, it really doesn't.

Laura: It really doesn't. I mean, I feel like if you’ve already planned it then like you should go forward because, like, it's before the Venus retrograde, but don't, like, get the idea on December 19 and then do it.

Alex: No, no, relax.

Laura: Wait until. Valentine's Day. Nothing will be in retrograde.

Alex: That's right.

Laura: Yeah.

Alex: So, she says, also about Venus, that Venus rules you're committed partnership sector. Your marriage partner or a serious collaborator you have at work such as a business partner, agent, publicist, lawyer, and so forth. She says if you have vacillating feelings about your partner that can happen when Venus is retrograde. Don't do anything about those feelings. Wait until February to see if things improve, they probably will. So don't do anything rash, Scorpios.

Laura: Ok, great.

Alex: And then she says Venus is in control of a lot of things but apparently Venus is also associated with fun and parties. But she says, avoid partying in January. You'll have better parties in early December, or after Merc retro. And she also says that the Scorpios are probably going to have a quiet New Year's Eve, and that we're in a mood to take it easy.

Laura: Oh, are you?

Alex: I don't know. I mean usually yes, but I don't know that I like Susan telling me what to do. Laura: Ok.

Alex: But you know she's probably right. She just said, you know, you're probably going to be thinking about the costs and things like that and maybe just keep your gathering small. But then I was wondering Is that, like, veiled like covert advice?

Laura: Right because we haven't heard from Susan Miller epidemiologists in a long time. So, now, now we have to, like, read between the lines or consult an actual epidemiologist.

Alex: Right.

Laura: Yeah.

Alex: So I don't know. I mean maybe she's just like I'm not going to mention covid but I'm also going to like covertly tell people not to attend super spreader events.

Laura: Ok. Ok, fair.

he best years of your life in:

Laura: Oh wow, I'm excited.

Alex: I am too. I have to say, I really, I feel excited, even though you know me I don't like to fall for these Susan proclamations, but how can you not fall for this? One of the best years of your life?

ike the kind of dragginess of:

Alex: Right. Now she doesn't mention fleets of Cupids by name, but she does tell me that Jupiter will fill my house of true love from December 28, 2021, to May 10, 2022. So, she all but mentions them. You know, they’re there.

Laura: Also, if there's a full house, then I feel like that's a lot of Cupids, so it's a fleet.

Alex: Yeah, yeah. And she says if you're single, you may have a fateful meet of the person for you. If you want a baby, it would be a prime time to conceive and give birth to a darling child. Yeah, so I don't know if that means if you don't do it in that time your child is going to be like a little nightmare.

Laura: Yeah, or just an undarling. An undarling sounds like a bunch of like a zombie army of babies.

Alex: Wow that would be like a really good movie, or, like, series of books.

Laura: I'm going to copy that idea right, everybody. Undarlings. It came from me, don't use it.

Alex: Yeah, so it's just kind of like, she says it's a breathtaking year to come, and my romantic dreams are fulfilled.

Laura: Wow, I can't wait.

Alex: I’ll keep you posted.

Laura: Alex, if I want anyone's romantic dreams to be fulfilled, I want them to be yours just because we spend so much time, like, hating on the fleets of Cupids. So, like, if you had a romantic dream fulfilled, I would be like, stop the podcast, we have to have a full episode on this.

Alex: I agree. I would also, I think, write to Susan because, as she says, she reads every letter. Laura: Yes, yes, you would write to Susan.

Alex: Yeah, and I think I would tell her, and I would maybe, like, include some drawings of Cupids, or at least a collage or something.

Laura: A collage of Cupids. Most definitely. Yeah.

have the time of your life in:

Laura: What great news. What great news. This makes me very curious about 2022 for real and I'm thinking that we should get the box, so we can get the calendar, so we can give people our review. Oh, not the calendar, the year ahead.

Alex: The year ahead.

Laura: Yeah, we want the year ahead. So that we can tell people what to expect.

Alex: The 58 pages.

Laura: Yes, all 58. Oh god, do we have to read 58 pages if we get it? I guess so. Ugh.

Alex: Well, we gotta order it soon because Susan is a supply chain victim.

Laura: Well, she says the boxes will sell out and it takes two weeks to get them

Alex: Right.

Laura: So, wow, ok, we've got to get on that. Somebody sent us a gift card so that we get them.

Alex: Yeah, does InStyle make gift cards?

Laura: Yeah, I mean, shouldn’t we get a press review copy? I really feel like we should.

Alex: Yeah, I think we should. I really think we should.

ws so I feel very hopeful for:

Alex: Please.

Laura: Ok, so I am going to be on another podcast. It’s called Boobies & Newbies, which reviews romance novels. That's why it's called that. It’s really charming. I read a holiday romance and reviewed it with the host, and we had a very great time so it will be coming out the end of December.

Alex: Great!

Laura: Yes, and I'll put a link to that podcast, so you guys can keep an eye on it. It's really fun. Alex: Yeah, looking forward to listening.

w, we started this podcast in:

Alex: Happy birthday! What did she, how many years?

rs! And she started in, like,:

Alex: It’s amazing.

Laura: The internet is, like, not that old. But still, that's a million years in internet time.


Laura: 1995! Wow. Wow.

Alex: Congratulations, Susan.

Laura: Congratulations, Susan.

Alex: Thank you for all these years of great reading.

Laura: Basically, Susan Miller invented the astrological part of the internet, I think.

Alex: I think that's fair.

Laura: Yeah, it's like her and Thomas Edison and Bill Gates. No, and Al Gore. Yeah.

Alex: Wow. Way to give a little shoutout to Al Gore. You just made his day.

Laura: It’s Al Gore’s internet.

Alex: Well, as Susan would say, tell a friend if you like the podcast, and always feel free to contact us.

Laura: Yeah, let us know. Let us know if you got gift cards or how your horoscope was or if you're going to read Antony and Cleopatra over the holiday just for some light Shakespearean reading, I really recommend it.

Alex: Yeah, see if it speaks to you the way it speaks to Laura.

Laura: Oh my god, I mean, that's how I learned the phrase: in my salad days. Or maybe that's from Caesar. You know what I gotta Google these things. But the fact that I remember that from being 16 is, I think, exemplary.

Alex: It's pretty good. Yeah.

Laura: Um, alright so let I'll leave you with the last one of my famous paper from sophomore-year English class. It's about Antony and Cleopatra and I remember I got an A on it for this line. It was like a how, like, they were so in love, but it was also their downfall: Their greatest virtue is also their greatest vice. And I think that is sound advice for Sagittarius.

Alex: Profound. Extremely profound. Thank you, Laura.

Laura: You’re welcome.

Alex: You’ve given us a lot to think about.

asure to hang out with you in:

Alex: Bye!

Laura: Bye!