049: Mentorship, leadership and family with Enrique Acosta Gonzalez

Artwork for podcast Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth

Episode 3 • 21st October 2020 • Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth • Jen Amos

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories for today's military spouses so they can continue to make confident and informed decisions for themselves and their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen a Moe's, a gold star daughter, veteran spouse and your host for holding down the fort by us fat wealth. Let's get started.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of holding down the fort podcast. I'm your co host, Jenn Amos. And I'm really excited because I now have a co host with me, Jenny Lynn. Genuine Stroup is an active duty military spouse of 11 years. And she also is a blogger and a big advocate for mental health. So, gentlemen, welcome to the show.

Unknown Speaker 0:56

Thanks so much. Glad to be here.

Jen Amos 0:58

Yes, yeah, I think it's been great so far. Did you like that last interview? We did? I did.

Speaker 1 1:02

I did. I love talking to people community is my jam. So being able to do it virtually is awesome.

Jen Amos 1:08

n Virginia Beach. It's like a: 2030

Unknown Speaker 1:49

Yeah, I don't I don't miss the humidity.

Jen Amos 1:53

nference at pod Fest in March: 2020

Unknown Speaker 2:27

Thank you so much for having me.

Jen Amos 2:29

Yes, really excited. And I just want to thank you for the opportunity to have been on your show. I know that that was probably months coming because we were supposed to meet in March. And then we just missed each other at pod fest. And then luckily, our friend Laurie connected us through LinkedIn. But that was months later, you know. So just how many months is that already? March, April, May, June, July was four months in the making. So I'm just really happy we had an opportunity to connect. And I thank you again for being on your show. And appreciate you coming here to join me on my show at holding down the fort.

Speaker 2 3:03

Thank you. Yeah, it was so much fun. And it's funny how that all worked out. But you know, at the right time.

Jen Amos 3:08

rved on the USS Kitty Hawk in: 1998

Speaker 2 3:37

Yeah, for about four years before then. Yeah. When you mentioned that my eyes just ended up getting wide open, because I was just like, No way. But yeah, but about four years prior.

Jen Amos 3:48

That's amazing. There's a part of me that thinks like, Wow, I wonder if my dad would be in your shoes today if he was around because you guys like just missed each other in a way. And it would be interesting to have seen what it would be like if he was a veteran today and how that would look like for him. And in a way I find you quite endearing. Because it's like, oh, this is like a father who retired from, you know, the military. And he's doing some really good work today for our community. So I feel that connection with you. And I didn't really disclose that. Yeah, I didn't disclose that before we started. I was like, I'm just gonna tell it live. And

Unknown Speaker 4:23

I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 4:25

Yeah. At least surprised and thrilled at how small the Navy actually is this probably my favorite part of being a military family is just everywhere you go. It seems like there's that at least six, probably less than six degrees of separation.

Jen Amos 4:41

d from Japan, from like, from: 1998

Speaker 2 5:55

Yeah, no, thank you. Well, I mean, life itself is exciting. I'm one that loves life. And so I start my day, you know, just full of optimism, and hope and love. And so that's how I achieved my day. But yeah, pretty busy. Even in the midst of this crisis, mentorship, and coaching and giving advice does never end, right. So even if it were just two people, even about just you on earth, you had to give yourself advice. That's the one next step to take. So that will never end and those words never ends, what has happened with the pandemic, and the whole thing going on on the world is that you get to be selected, right. So not everybody's reaching out, as I thought, because everybody's got their own cares right there. So on top of being mandated to seclude, yourself, there are those that have just secluded and I'm one of them, they have just secluded just for the sake of the safety of the family. And so that kind of puts a wedge there. But what's great is that we have platforms like LinkedIn, where we ended up connecting, even having the opportunity to do it live, we ended up connecting there. And many other platforms just afford you the opportunity to reach out or get reached out. This week alone. I've had people reaching out from LinkedIn, you know, either going to my website or through LinkedIn, and have booked you know, Discovery calls or calls to get mentorship call to get coaching. So it still works. And you still be the it's just it kind of like more selective, right. So, but yeah, always staying busy. And when I don't have, you know, the audience have an outside of my home. I have plenty of people in my house to do that. With right. mentorship and coaching and guidance and all that. So I get plenty of practice when I'm not active, right. Getting getting a paycheck.

Jen Amos 7:56

Yeah, absolutely. I really just admire your passion in servant leadership and mentorship. And I'm curious, where does that come from? For you?

Speaker 2 8:07

Yeah, to be honest, it came because I didn't get it right off. Right, as soon as they came in the military, faced a hard thing. You know, when they talk about prejudice, SNESs, and things of that nature is not just one race is not just one color is not just one nationality. Prejudice doesn't care. It really doesn't care, who it falls on. As long as it falls on someone. Unfortunately, for me, my first three years, I felt like I was being treated with prejudice. It was because of my accent. Now, I may still have a New York accent, right? You could probably say, Oh, that guy's from New York, somewhere up north. And I don't think I have lost that. But for some reason, my accent was a problem, my first three years. And so because I did not have what I saw others get, which was, you know, attention and, you know, getting the accolades and getting promotions. I determined my first three years that no one would be the dictator of how far I went. And so even as a young man, you know, so I'm happy I chose that route. Because the other alternative is, you know, you hate everybody. So I at least I chose the right way. And so that was something I was grateful for. But what I did was I started just educating myself, I, hey, there used to be a big red book, and everybody knew what that big red book was enabled called the dictionary. It was a read cover, and everybody knew that that book was the dictionary and so I dove into that thing. And so what I ended up doing was a Just added educating myself becoming more prolific in my pronunciation. And the way I was making my thoughts revealed to people, where it actually turn things around, because you just could not negate the effort that was put into it. And so when you start speaking eloquently and educated, with an educated level, above your peers, you just can't hide it. Right. So that's what I did. And I created my own mentorship, you know, now, I will not tell you that within those three years, they were not some people in leadership that did not shine a light on my path, right? There were there were some people, obviously, that helped me along the way, whether it was because they felt pity. Or they just genuinely did not like the circumstances that they saw me going through, or they just, you know, kind of help everybody, right? Those people did exist. And so I'm thankful to all of those. But in my immediate group, I didn't get that. So that's how that started. And then I just also decided that I would not let anyone else suffer that. And so throughout my whole career, I just intentionally and deliberately made sure that everybody that I came across the number one, I touched their heart, I left them with a good taste in their mouth, and they were able to go from there, and replicate that feeling for others. So those are my three goals. As I was growing up in the military, and I saw a lot of fruit from it, you know, I still get folks that write me after I'm talking about yours. Wow, having served with them, and to thank me for whatever they felt that I left them with, that made their life better. And so that is the true reward. You know, there's no amount of money that can top that. So you know, and so it's humbling, and it's great to still hear, so, you know, so many years down the road. But you know, that's how I ended up in mentorship and doing everything I do.

Jen Amos: 12:10

Yeah, it sounds to me that your strategy early on was to kill them with kindness, you know, and you do that you did that through becoming more eloquent, you know, and becoming more articulate, and really giving off that vibe that I felt from you early on of just compassion and empathy. And I feel that you really, intentionally genuinely care about people and you want to help them. And it really shows in what you're doing, and even just hearing you talk, so thank you for really sharing that, what I would consider, like a very humbling story of just, you know, dealing I mean, I know that we've all dealt with prejudice, it doesn't matter what walk, you know, walks alive color, like you mentioned, it really doesn't matter. Like, you know, you could look like everyone in your group, but then if you sound different, you know, then it's like, you get treated differently, you know, and so I appreciate you sharing that Jenny land, I wanted to check with you see, if you had any thoughts you wanted to add,

: 13:02

I was gonna say My immediate reaction was you sound a lot like Alexander Hamilton wondering if you watch the musical, you got got a lot of that, you know, bring yourself up by the bootstraps, be as eloquent as possible to bring all the haters around, I really liked that, you know, what I really took away from from listening to your story is, I'm always pleasantly surprised at how passionate people are about the burden they've carried and making it better for others. Jen mentioned in my intro that like I'm a big mental health advocate and actually work professional in the mental health realm. And it was really born from the same place like own personal experience. And so it was great to hear that, like, it wasn't just a problem you stayed stuck on, it really kind of provided you the force for what you do and do for good and for the good of others. So thank you for sharing that with us.

: 13:56

No, thank you. And thank you for what you do. I mean, you know, even it's funny, because although it was a few, I still carry that.

Jen Amos: 14:04

Yeah, absolutely. It's funny because I think about my friend that I just got reunited with and we saw I mentioned we were really close friends in Japan, and then when we got reunited in San Diego, she actually like turned out to be a bully to me. It's part of why she's, I don't think she's gonna hear this episode. If she does, it'd be great. We'll have a great conversation. But anyway, like she was a bully to me. And that's what we had a fallout because I thought like, okay, like, it's I don't know what happened. I don't know what's changed. And then now she's messaging me. And she's acting like as if we were like, BFFs all over again. So I actually want to have a video chat with her there and just ask her about it. But just like what you said, it's like that's stuck with me for a long time. It's like the handful of people that just really shaped it. There was actually a really good quote, I heard I said, I said it's the short term relationships that cause the long term effects or they impact you for the long term. And I think it's so true. There's something about it and so, but it really obviously had really defined you and it molded you or you had chosen to turn that into something good. You know, hence why we're having this conversation today.

Unknown Speaker: 15:11

Yeah, I'm glad that I chose the right way.

Jen Amos: 15:15

Yeah, I think we all know how we can easily go the other way. I was just thinking, since I'm thinking about like, my friend, there was another friend that I was really close to back in Japan. And when we got reunited in San Diego, she was a bully, too. I don't know why all these military child ends up being bullies. But she got into, I have to think about this now. But she got into like so much trouble. Like she actively picked fights. And I found out years later, she ended up going to jail. And it's just like, whoa, like, you could easily go in that direction. If you I mean, I even think for myself, like the stuff that I went through growing up, I could have easily gone down that path. And so it's just I think you are just a prime example. And I think we all are really on this conversation. Today, we're all a prime example of turning that pain into something good, you know, to use it as a form of service for people who may be going through the same type of pain. Awesome. Well, Enrique, I'm really excited to dive into our topic today. So as I had introduced you on the show, you served for 26 years. And I'm curious, how long has it been since you've transitioned into the civilian world?

: 16:16

Yeah, I retired December 2015. So I've been here in Orlando since then. So you know, handful of years really? Yeah. You know, come December. And it's funny, I'm still transitioning it, it didn't stop. You know, it's funny, because, you know, we all transition in the military or something. So for for those that don't understand that, every three years you transition, right and mentally every year and a half. Because if you're a spouse, you're thinking about that around, you know, halfway point. All right, where are we gonna go, okay? Because, you know, we can start looking at stuff a year into the pocket, when you're talking about orders, right? So you really got two years to settle down, and come on, how many people can actually settle down into you, it takes a while to establish a home, to get things ready to have people you know, at least your first year is pretty rough. You know, kid in school, you trying to find a job, your spouse trying to find a job. And like in my house, thankfully, my wife is the teacher to our children, she we homeschool, and we have multiple kids. She's got her work cut out for her. And so, you know, it's maybe one less thing, but it's still tough. It's still tough. When you talk about transitioning, we're always doing it. It's just not the same flavor of I don't know, I don't know if you've ever been put on a bus and dropped off and said, Good luck. But that's how you feel when you when you retire when you separate? Truly is, you know, it really is. I mean, it's like you got walked out the gate. And governmental. You thank you for your service. And then you go, and then you're on your own. So transition, and I feel I still feel a daily, you know, even so, yeah, so it never ends.

Jen Amos: 18:14

Yeah, we have a colleague we work with, he's about 18 years in right now. And he said the same thing. He's like, we're always going through in transition, that's the reality of the military life. And even now, like Fortunately for him, he's like, actively thinking about when he transitions to civilian life, you know, not transitioned to his next duty to like civilian life. And so it's really interesting. And it makes me think about my experiences as a military child, that have really translated to my adult life where I feel like I can't settle anywhere for a long time either. Like, you know, my husband, and I just got like, we've lived in our place in Virginia Beach for about a year and a half now. And I think it's only now and I sort of finally feel settled in and I could sort of have a social life but you know, given the pandemic I can't really do much other than, you know, all these virtual meetings, but it is interesting. I think that's a good mentality to have in mind is that you're always transitioning. Genuine I saw you were nodding a lot. I figured you wanted to add something. Oh, man.

: 19:11

So we what we didn't establish at the beginning is I now live on the West Coast. I'm in San Diego. I've lived actually where both of you have lived because of military and but no that transition we came out here on 10 month orders it was a big debate whether or not I was going to even finish unpacking everything because how long were you know how long is 10 months is not that long? Turns out we've been here for years looking at five never expected that and even the transition and mentality in that like I was ready to go I mean I've been ready to go and ready to go we keep staying keep staying and we're that you know one year into a set of orders looking at our next set and it's this big like well, do we continue to work on this house or are we starting to look somewhere else and that that concentrate position a mom too and have two elementary school age boys and, you know, watching the transition, then like Jenna, think about your story of like the bullies. I mean, it really takes a lot for military parents and the community around to help kids with those transitions. I mean, I've seen it in my homeboys, and it would be very easy for them to be that because each transition has affected them so deeply in different ways. Now, I'm from the East Coast. I'm from Virginia Beach, and so my whole family's there. Were on the West Coast. Yeah, you know, and that transition was probably harder for my boys than any of the other ones we've had, but to openly acknowledge that we're always in transition, and feel that tension of like, should not be used, if it's like this, what we do like so to be five years, retired and going, Oh, my gosh, I'm still transitioning, I think is a wonderful realization. Also, some days probably like, Oh, man.

Jen Amos: 21:01

Yeah, for sure. It's kind of like you get a peer into the future by hearing about Enrique story, as well. Thank you for sharing that genuine, it's always great to get like a perspective of what life is like today, you know, for active duty military families. So I really appreciate you adding that perspective. So for Enrique, so it's been five years. And as you mentioned, you're still transitioning. We also talked about this on your other show, but I learned that you are a father of six. And they're all I believe, under under 30. Is that correct? Right, right. Yeah. So they're all adults now. And it sounds like when you transitioned out, they're probably on average in their young 20s. So they essentially grew up in the military life. Does that sound about right?

: 21:45

Yes, they grew up with the turmoil of transition. And you know, some of them longer than others, obviously. But yeah, so we have 2928 2724 Wow. And then the two boys, which is the, you know, 12, going on 13, maybe 35. Wow, they always do, right, and my eight year old, but they all have different phases in the service time. One was, you know, at the tail end, you know, and, and moved out real quick, you know, and, and so they all have their different impacts, you know, and we were talking and Jenny Lynn was talking about the different thing, transitions that each person had, but it's funny, because transition as a whole, it's just one package. But then it has some sub packages, which are the individuals, right, the spouse is not thinking what the service members thinking service member. And look, I tell you, what I thought I'm gonna speak for all service member is like, Okay, I got ordered to this command, let me see who the CEO XL match if it was one of the top three, but you know, who the CEO is, who the XO is? What's the complement of the command? I'm thinking command, I'm not even thinking how I'm not thinking schools. I'm not doing any of that. Why? Because somebody else is thinking. And funny, because, you know, I shouldn't be thinking that, but, you know, that's kind of like that CEO mindset, right? There's the things you think about, you know, and then there's a thing your wife think about, and then, but she expects you to think about the same thing. So you gotta know which one, you know where to play that whole thing at. But there's one role that the service member plays, and all they're worried about is showing up on the day. And the hour, they said, you're supposed to show up, so that you don't be UAT. And then, you know, getting familiar with the roles and the command and all of that. Everything else seems secondary. So all that pressure falls squarely on the shoulders of the spouse. And it's unfortunate, right? Because it's just, that's the way that thing is made up. It's kinda like a schematic. And that's how it goes. It doesn't have to go that way, though. I'll tell you that. And then the children have their own weight to carry because, man, I just met Joey Joey, my best friend for the last two years. Now I gotta go and meet some other Joey that I don't know. And all those things really do chip away. They chip away at the family. And so if you're not proactive, if you're not transparent, if you're not communicative, and set the family up for success, it could be very detrimental. Right? So, you know, like I said, we have a benefit that we, well, my wife is the homeschool teacher here. And she takes care of their education. But even that is a struggle, right? Because where do you divide teacher and mom? So it's all a struggle, either way, and that's what I'd say we all individually transition somewhere along the day to different things. But yeah, so they got the full experience. My boys kind of had a back end up Okay in version of the military life, but they all got their share.

: 25:05

I think that's where your your point to mentorship really comes in. Because it's the same on the spouse side to like finding that mentorship within the spouse community of people that have done this way longer than I have has been the saving grace for me in this military life as far as all the transitioning because there's always somebody I can call and go, Oh, my gosh, we got orders here, or they pulled our orders, and now we're going somewhere or, you know, I mean, we've been fortunate in that, when we moved to San Diego, they were people my husband served with five years before. And so there was already a little bit of built in community to show you the lay of the land and, you know, assist with those transitions. My husband jokingly calls me comnav wife pack, because I handle all the things like he does all that but you're talking about, like, who's the CEO, who's the XO thing, and I got the house with the kids in the school, and where the grocery store is on the GPS.

Jen Amos: 25:59

I love that. I'm curious. Enrique so I just really appreciate you and your self awareness of your family, you know, because I, I think about how my family operated while we were on active duty, and there was really no communication of what's happening. It was like, Okay, we're just going to move now. Like, we're just we're just like, they don't even say like, they just say like last month. Okay, we're moving, you know, and I think it's really great that you had that self awareness of I mean, your own role and your wife's role, and also understanding, you know, what your kids were going through? So I'm curious, you know, round 2015, or even a couple years before that, when you were ready to transition? Was it a family decision, a government decision, or your decision to make that transition? Yeah, it

: 26:42

was definitely a government decision. Because if you ask me, I'll still be in right. Even that, you know, it was just so much fun, you know, I had created for myself such a great, let me, let me caveat that with, let me caveat that with, I was fortunate to receive. And I believe this wholeheartedly from the Lord, a beautiful career based off of the focus areas that I had initially started, you know, in my first three years, so he opened up a path and I just went with it. But it was great. It was great. I mean, I had the most fun, I got the most I can get out of you talking about getting all the juice out of the fruit I did I tweet, I made juice out of the pill. And so yeah, and it was great. So if I had my way I still be in. But as you progress north, you know, of the ladder of the chain, it becomes more competitive and less people get there, right. So I was fortunate to get to senior cheap. And it's funny because it really all goes back to my first three years. In my first three years, because of an administrative error. On my record, I was skipped over a year from promotion. Wow. So for a three day administrative error. And I still remember those, right? So it's it was I got to sit for a whole year while everybody moved on. Wow. And so that the tracted, the one year on this, I began for me to be able to get looked at so I was up for masterchief. There's only but so many people, so many quarters, and every year it changes, depending on the year group, you know, this a little career counselor thing here, depending on the year group, and the size of your class of your initial entry is how much space is left up on the top. So for those young sailors, airmen, Marines and soldiers that are thinking about coming into service, you need to see a career counselor. Now, before you go, because that year group, it really depends on your year group, how much space is at the end, if there was a huge influx of people when you came in, there's gonna be less space at the end. But if it was like not that many people came in that year, it's wide open. And so you got to know that but you don't know that till you're in right so I'm just kind of give them a hit right now. They can go ahead and find themselves a career counselor. But so anyway, I got to that point. And there were only two slots. And one was one slot was taken by a worthy individual that have really, he deserved it. Right. The second slot to be honest, everybody thought it was gonna be me. But it was a mentee. protege. Wow. So either way, either way, part of me got there. Right. So and I'll tell you that this is probably thinking today, that day, I was just floored. But, but at least someone that I had invested in, had gotten there and so that makes me happy today. That day. Don't ask

Jen Amos: 29:58

today Oh, I caught that.

: 30:03

But yeah, so all that to say that, you know, I started off with that hiccup.

Jen Amos: 30:10

Wow, yeah, it sounds like those first three years in your service was really impactful for you, because you keep bringing it up in this conversation

: 30:18

in many ways, in many ways. And you know, for for sailors, for any for any service member, it doesn't matter where. And so that's why leadership is so important. And mentorship and coaching and all of this, it is those three years and they say, you know, in the Navy, at least, there's a video that we that we shall not, maybe we don't show it now, because it's very 70s 80s. That's how old this thing is. But it's called the first 72 hours. And if you've never seen it, or heard of it, try to look at it, try to find it, it's called the first 72 hours. And it's a navy film that we show, it shows the difference between that first 72 hours with a good experience. And the first 72 hours with a bad experience. Believe me, it goes just like that. And so the reason we show it, and we invest in making sure that people are aware of how critical that first term sailor, and their experience is, is because of those things now, you know, you can have a sailor that gets exposed to bad stuff and doesn't choose that way. You know, thank thank God for will. Right. So, because you can say now that's all right. That's not me. But there's a lot that fall prey to those things. So yeah, I referenced those three years, because they were they were foundational. And all of the all of the work. And, you know, they basically have been a foundation, the structure is made, right 26 years served is standing on that foundation. Right? So you don't get rid of it.

Jen Amos: 31:58

Yeah, well, thank you for sharing that. Jennylyn I saw you nodding a lot. I wanted to check in with you see if you had any thoughts.

: 32:04

Now. I mean, he he basically told the Navy story, it's phenomenal to me the difference of that 72 hours, that first duty station, you know, we can make, can make in a person's life, my husband went to a school with a couple of friends who were in our wedding, and all whom are out now minus him and one other. And you know, the one that we thought was going to be the crusty old guy sailor, like got out after his second tour, because, you know, he didn't have that mentorship and leadership that he really needed to further his career, you know, on a personal level, like it makes me I hope big Navy hears this like of like, here's how you retain your people. mentorship and leadership. Yeah, just, I've heard that story a lot in our Navy journey. And it's amazing to me that people like Enrique that go, You know what, I didn't get what I needed, I'm gonna make what I needed to make a career out of this. And then the people that are like, not for me, we're gonna do something else. Always interesting.

Jen Amos: 33:05

So Enrique, I want to just kind of and you don't, you know, this is not us speaking on behalf of your family or anything more. So your perspective? How has your family you know, from your perspective? How were they able to go through that transition with you? And I know you have a lot of family members. So I'm gonna try to generalize this. But how does that look? How does your family dynamic look like today? You know, five years out?

: 33:29

Yeah, I would say at the beginning, it was tough. It was tough, right? Because, well, number one, a world that represents 1% is dwarfed by a world that represents 99. And so when you go from 99, to one, although it seems like everything is cookie cutter, it is not. Because yeah, you have a an exchange to go to. Yeah, and so not everybody has that, by the way, and you have a hospital or clinic to go to when you're sick. You know, not everybody has that depending on your location. You know, if you're stateside, you're good. Different bases have different facilities, they give priority to, you know, your Army or Navy and the Air Force, you know, Air Force your priority. Whether they show it or not, that's just the way it is. But you know, there's some places you go to, that are kinder to a military family. There are some places you go to the your law and you seem like you are on your own, you know, nor forbid, well, I know the exposure to going to Europe is great, and you get to see all the sights and all that. But guess what, that's not America no more. Right. And so that country may do things way different. what America does is what America does, and now you're hosted by somebody else. So all these different facets and different rules and ideas and cultural, you know, things, just, you know, depends that depends on where you go and how you do it. Now, it was tough on the kids, because they were older. Right? It was normal for my little one because they were born in it. Right? My youngest son was born October 13. So talking about a blessing to me, you know, he was October 13, at the Navy's birthday. So his birthday is his birthday. And funny thing is, he's born on a navy birthday, he's the son of a sailor, he was born in the Air Force hospital. So wow, you know, one of those things, and that's a transition. And like I said, if you're not careful, as the service member, you can let your wife or your spouse, your husband, bear a weight, too heavy to carry along. So you have to be sensitive. Now, let me tell you, that's not easy for the service member to do. It's not easy for the service members, anyone is smiling. It really, right. It requires you to feel what your heart and be conscious of everyone's role in this decision. And so I won't tell you that all of my career and all of my life, married that I supported my wife, the way you know, at the end, and I'll tell you, it, it really was at the end. And so but it took me to realize those things, and the weight and the pressures that they were all individually feeling, in order to make it our transition, we didn't transition within the military, right? But at least to try to at least do that on the way out. You know, they're back into the big world. So it takes the service member to step back and really analyze how these different pivots in our lives are affecting our, you know, our family makeup. So you ended up being more of a supportive spouse than you are a dictating spouse? Or a A, this is what it is sorry, I can't find it. It's orders. What do you want me to do? Right? I'm sure there's 1000s and 1000s of spouses that I've heard that I didn't choose the order they chose me. And, you know, and there were there banging on the counter, like Colonel Jessup tell how was the truth. You know, so it really did not come to play well to the end. So that's why it's so important for those that are transitioning out to come back and let the service members know what they need to do in order to make this thing work within the confines of the service time. So that when it's time to get out, and go your way, it's not foreign, but spare your family, right? Spare that spouse, spare those kids, needless angst and worries and pressures and anxieties. Because we create them sometimes.

Jen Amos: 38:20

I just want to give it to your wife and your family. You know, I can only imagine that I mean, they made it, they made it out, they made it out alive. And yeah, there's probably a couple of traumas that need to work through, you know, in counseling, but they made it out. And I just I appreciate you sharing your perspective, because I think sometimes, and I even think about my own husband, who, you know, he was an Army officer, a vet. And like, even though he didn't have family while he was in the service, like sometimes, and we met after his service, like, he still acts very forward thinking and like, sometimes I feel like I'm not always part of the decision making. I mean, you know, he learns the hard way, you know, I try to insert myself after the fact and get upset. But that's why counselling is good for everyone. But yeah, it's interesting to kind of, you know, my assumption is, I think that the service member is always forward thinking and they're the ones making the decisions, or they just kind of scapegoat the military saying, hey, they gave me the orders. And like you said, really interesting. I appreciate you sharing that gentleman. You were nodding a lot. So I figured you might want to ask, I

: 39:16

mean, he's just he's just telling me the story like no, I have to say, I'm very fortunate that I am, I am a part of the conversation within our family on where we go, however, come, you know, when you've had this perfect plan that you and your service member have set up and then that falls through, you know, there's a whole other level of transitioning to do that. I think, you know, having had a 26 year career and learning little by little like, Oh, we're all in this, I think is a wonderful realization and something that younger sailors and families could definitely take out this conversation, because it does. I mean, it's we're all on the same team. Like at the end of the day, we're all we're all the Navy team and you can't do what you do if we're not doing what we do. And similarly, like, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing if my husband weren't in the military, you know, so all that working together is really helpful.

: 40:09

There's a lot this missing from the military, I'll tell you that, right. So we do what we can with what we have, while we serving. But there's a lot that's missing. And, you know, when you talk about Jennylyn, mental health and, and things like that, there's things that are not touched on there, there are things that are skipped over, because we have a three year time cycle, right? So everything is on the go on the go, let's go okay, you're you're in the field? Well, you go to the field, four times in your current order, that's half of your time at this spot. Right. So you're in the field half of the time. The other half you your other half is struggling with what's going on. Right. So we don't address things that will, and I understand, right, they you can't know that being in, but I wish the military will have a traveling, you know, task force made up of recently retired, you know, personnel that can come back and talk about these things to the service members, because the people inside would know, and so at least they will bring some light to that, too, especially to younger sailors army, you know, soldiers, airmen, that they would bring that light to them. So they can cut that in half. Because look how long it took me. I was on the way out, you know, and I thought that I thought that I supported my family pretty good. But it wasn't all of the support that I could have given them all those years, to get them where they needed to be. And, you know, so I wish the you know, the service would institute something like that. Well, we could join in and go traveling. Maybe not right now. But even virtual, right? Yeah, I made a deadline trying to go now.

: 42:09

Especially out of Florida. Thanks, stay there. We'll keep all our germs where they're at. No, I mean, you're speaking my language. That is that is one of my that will probably be the hill I die on as military spouses all of that, like, how do we reintegrate? Well, how do we do that? Well, because I think what's fascinating about being within this pandemic, as part of the military is, a lot of civilians are getting a look at what it looks like to be a military family, like all of a sudden, being stuck inside with your person, for hours on end, when they have been gone for ever, is an incredible thing to try to navigate. And I mean, you know, in 24 hours, every state shutdown, all of a sudden, all your people are home, welcome to what it's like after deployment, like, I got a system, I got things I was doing, nothing's worked. And all of a sudden, there's this Oh, my God, my husband's here in the house all the time, for two weeks upon weeks. And we're both like, he's got things that he did it work. And I've got things that I did that work. And it's it is very, it's a very interesting dynamic to navigate. And I have to say that is one of the things coming out of this pandemic that I'm like, there's a little slice that everybody's getting to experience about what it's like to be the half percent of active duty, and I represent a point to 5% of the entire American population. But yeah, the you know, to have people that have been there and done that, and learned how to transition well, I think would be a phenomenal asset to the military community, because we continue to really get smaller, so there aren't that many people will talk to you about it. So I agree with you. Go ahead and lobby for that.

Jen Amos: 44:01

Yes, yes. And yes.

Unknown Speaker: 44:03

Success.

Jen Amos: 44:05

You know, I feel like we've only talked about the tip of the iceberg for so many topics. And I feel like we can talk forever. But I think that this conversation will inspire and invite people to continue the conversation with you, Enrique, and also you two gentlemen for you know, for CO hosting with me. So, you know, all good things have to come to an end. I really appreciated our conversation today. I've appreciated the first one we had, you know, through LinkedIn live, and I really appreciated this one today. But Enrique for people that want to learn more about you maybe seek out mentorship from you, how can they do that? How can they find you online?

: 44:41

Yeah, triad leadership solutions is our name. And so you could you could go through that or you can go try leadership solution.com. But LinkedIn is where I live. So yes, other people live in other places, but that's where I live. And so hop on LinkedIn and Rica, Costa Gonzalez, can you find my place? will file and my company pages on there as well. And, you know, Calendly is is if you want they, you can do that through website, or you can do it through Calendly try and leadership solutions, and you'll find it and you can book it on there. And, and we'll talk love to hear anyone that's looking for mentorship, especially like, you know, first term, you know, I always say first term sailor, but the the first term leaders that are pretty oblivious of what they're going about to get into, I love to talk to you before you make a mistake. So I kind of minimize that as much as we can. Because what people don't understand and leadership is that people's lives are at stake. When you take the mantle, when you take that key of leadership, there's somebody on the other side that will either Excel or die off based on your leadership. So we try to minimize that as much as we can through the first term leaders. And if you're a leader, and you're struggling, you said, Well, I had the beginning, right? I'll take that k right out of there. And make you successful. So yeah, either either or

Jen Amos: 46:08

fantastic. Enrique, it was an absolute pleasure having you today. Thank you for joining us. And to Jenny Lynn,

: 46:14

thank you this was this was wonderful. I think you provide a really excellent service for people both in out and transitioning from the military. So thank you for your continued service. And good luck to you and mentoring those coming up.

: 46:29

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. And it's been very fun. Yeah, we could talk all day, right? Yes.

Jen Amos: 46:35

And genuine. Thank you for CO hosting with me today.

Unknown Speaker: 46:38

Absolutely. Thanks for having me. I love being here.

Jen Amos: 46:40

Cool. I'm so glad this is fun. It's so nice to have someone else banter with me. I love it. So, with that said to our listeners, we hope that today's episode gave you one more piece of knowledge, resource or relevant story so you can continue to make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll speak with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.

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