How do you break generational trauma, navigate motherhood, and still keep your sense of humor intact?

In this honest episode of the Collide Podcast, we sit down with Melanie Shankle to talk about halting generational trauma and the the realities of momming, and handling emotional ups and downs. She shares about her journey from blogger to New York Times bestselling author, offering insights on building strong connections with your kids, creating safe spaces for them to share, and surviving the rollercoaster of their emotions. Whether you’re navigating motherhood, parenting challenges, or the pressure to “get it right,” this episode will remind you that laughter, grace, and intentional connection are powerful tools in raising kids and breaking cycles.

Meet Melanie

Melanie Shankle—better known as “Big Mama”—is a New York Times bestselling author, blogger, and speaker. She started her blog in 2006 with funny and heartfelt reflections on motherhood, marriage, faith, and everyday life, and her storytelling quickly struck a chord with readers. Melanie is passionate about encouraging moms, fostering joy in everyday life, and helping families navigate the challenges of parenting with grace and humor. Her story is a powerful example of living intentionally, embracing imperfection, and creating meaningful connections with your children.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• Strategies for breaking generational trauma in your family
• Ways to strengthen emotional connections with your kids
• How to create safe spaces for your children to express themselves
• Tips for surviving the emotional ups and downs of motherhood

How This Episode Will Encourage You

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by motherhood or unsure if you’re “doing it right,” this episode will offer practical guidance and heartfelt encouragement. You’ll be reminded that even in the messy, unpredictable moments, you can parent with intention, love, and humor—and that breaking cycles of pain is possible.

Collide Women’s Conference - Join us for a powerful one-day event filled with inspiration, connection, and encouragement to help you pursue healing, purpose, and deeper faith.

✨ Learn more and grab your ticket on our website.

Connect with Melanie - Website | Podcast: The Big Boo Cast

Book: Here be Dragons

Connect with Willow - Website | Instagram | Facebook

Pre-Order Willow’s New Book! Collide: Running into Healing When Life Hands You Hurt

Follow and Support Collide 

🌐 Visit our website for upcoming conferences, helpful resources, and encouragement for women pursuing healing, purpose, and deeper faith.

📲 Follow along on Facebook and Instagram

🛍️ Shop for good at the Collide Store

💛 Give today online or Venmo to impact lives

📬 Subscribe to our Newsletter and be the first to hear about new episodes, blog posts, events, and resources and more!

Hey there. So glad you hopped on to the Collide podcast. Today is gonna be a good one.

I'm about to hand you off a really fun conversation and interesting conversation I just had with Melanie Shankel. She is better known as Big Mama.

And all of us moms know momming is flipping hard and she just fired wisdom at us.

It was so good and we had a lot of laughs and you'll hear in the background and I told her after we were recording, why in the world do you have a dog as big as a horse? Because I kept hearing this noise. I almost sound like a dog was like a horse was under her table or something.

Anyways, she had two dogs and it was dinner time. So that is what you're hearing there. I promise you that if you are a mom, you're going to want to take a listen to this episode. Check it out.

Melanie, it's so good to have you on the Collide podcast.

Thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

Yeah, totally. I love, I read up about you and I love that you say you're a child of the 70s, a teen of the 80s, and a college kid of the 90s.

Because I was like, check, yes, check, yes, check, yes.

So I thought it'd be super fun since I'm also all those things for you to tell me what your hair was like in the 70s, like best or craziest haircut, what movie you love from the 80s, and what your favorite song from the 90s is.

Oh, that's a great. Okay. 70s, I'm going to say in the 70s was probably because that was still elementary school.

So I really rock the Dorothy Hamill haircut, which I feel like every little kid in America had at that point. You know, like where your mom could just kind of put a bowl on your head and cut around it.

The bowl cut.

The bowl cut was, was a classic. So that is elementary school. And I thought I'd never looked. And then. Favorite movie of the 80s. God, that's a great question.

I will say I don't think it ages as well, but if I really think about what my favorite movie in the 80s was, it was probably Pretty in Pink with Molly Ringwald.

That was mine. Watched it 12 times.

Yeah, I mean, I remember it was at the Dollar Theater and we would Just go see it, like over and over again. Because you could go see it for a dollar. So that movie and then what was the last question? Song in the 90s.

Well, the last question was song in the 90s. Before you get to that, I just have to say the Molly Ringwald thing. So do you.

Because we obviously didn't have the Internet, we didn't have social media, so I subscribed to Teen magazine. That's what we had to do. And we got like a magazine once a month and Molly Ringwald was it, you know, and she had this.

She had beautiful red hair and it was bobbed and I have blonde hair and hardly any of it, but I would stare at those pictures in the magazine and try to curl my hair just like her. Her cute, perfect bob. Just trying to go for that Molly haircut. For sure.

Yeah. It was so good. Gosh, she was so iconic. I think we all wanted to be Molly Ringwald.

Yes.

Then song of the 90s. That is a great question. I would say, like college years, like early 90s, maybe. Love Shack by the B52. Okay, that stands out to me during that time.

But then I think, like more mid-90s. I think probably Hootie and the Blowfish is kind of like in my. Hold My Hand somewhere. Somewhere in that.

With some Nirvana and Pearl Jam thrown in for good measure.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'm up in the Pacific Northwest, so my playlist was definitely grunge music and then moved towards Goo Goo Dolls.

And people like that, so love it so much.

Yes. Classic.

So you, you're better known as. Or you're also known as Big Mama. Can you tell us how this became your nickname? Invite us into this. This name of yours.

And at the time, my daughter Caroline, who is now a college graduate, but at the time she was almost three and she wasn't potty trained yet. And we were still trying to get rid of the pacifier because I'd been lying to my pediatrician about it.

So I started always telling her what a big girl she was. So she started referring to me as Big Mama. That was her, like, big girl, Big Mama.

And so when I started my blog on this random July night, just as a creative outlet, I was like, oh, I'll call it Big Mama. That's funny.

I didn't think about the long term ramifications of that or 20 years later that there would still be people that would say, are you big mama? And I'm like, I am. Yes, that is me.

Oh, my gosh, that's so cute. Does your daughter still call you that?

No, no, she. It was a. It was a short phase. You know, it was a short little phase, but it was that time in our life, so it's funny that it stuck.

So you started this blog. It was. You said, a creative outlet, and here you are, what, 15 years later? Seven. Like, how many years later are we?

17 years later.

17 years later, yeah. And what has God done since that July night?

Oh, my gosh. So many things that I could not have even imagined. I mean, when I started that blog, I was a working mom. I was in pharmaceutical sales.

I really just started it because I'd always loved to write. And so I just wanted a creative outlet.

Like, it was just, you know, when you're a young mom and the kids, I was just like, I just need something that feels like mine. And so I would just type every night, I would write out our day that was like my version of a scrapbook.

And, I mean, when you look back at those early entries, because they're still out there on the Internet. I mean, it's like we went to Target.

We.

You know, we went for a walk. We did whatever. And I think I had been blogging about three years, and I did it every day, Monday through Friday, because I just loved it.

I mean, since then, I've gone on to write six more books and a devotional and a Bible study, and I have a podcast. And it's just. It really is like. It's nothing that I could have orchestrated or planned. I mean, I feel like people are like, what's your secret?

And I'm like, I don't know. I just. I kind of just went where God led with each step, and it's just been more than I could have imagined.

Does that ever blow you away? I mean, do you ever sit on your porch or something and just think about it and what goes through your mind? I mean, because that's crazy.

Yeah, it's crazy. It just. It feels surreal to me, like. And it doesn't feel. Because I think in my day, to Day life, it's not something that I think about.

So every now and then it's like if I'm somewhere and somebody's introducing me or whatever, I'm like, well, that is. That's me. Like, that's just.

Oh, wait.

Like, I was. I was a C student. I graduated from college on scholastic probation. I mean, I was. You know, I was. Yeah, I mean, I was not.

I am not this big overachiever with this big plan or any kind of a vision board or anything. So I feel like I'm kind of living proof of God, truly meet you where you are and lead you to things that you never could imagine.

If you're just faithful to just take the next step.

Had you ever done any writing before the blog?

I had always done. Like in high school. I mean, I'd always journaled. I always kept my thoughts. That was just. Writing was an outlet for me. So, I mean, I have.

Listen, I have a notebook of really bad poetry from the 80s, which. Very dramatic. That hopefully will never see the light of day. So that was something I'd always loved to do.

And so the blog idea for me originated because while I was on maternity leave with my daughter, I started reading blogs, like mommy blogs, but it was more for just information because I was just trying to. You're trying to figure stuff out, like how. When do you start feeding them solid foods and when do you.

And so I was on message boards, and then that led to reading a blog, and I was like, oh, so people are just writing their thoughts on the Internet? I can. I can do that.

Yeah.

So it really was just. It just kind of became an outlet for me to do something creative because I had always loved to write.

When you look at this whole last 17 years and you go back to that July night and starting that blog, and you think about women listening who maybe have an inkling or a gift or a. A kind of idea or dream, but they haven't. They haven't done that thing where they took that next step. What's your advice to them?

I mean, take the next step. You know, just. Just do it. I mean, sometimes I think the best things that God does are the things that kind of are our leaps of faith.

And I think there's so much alive where it's like, okay, here's an open door. Like, are you going to start that Bible study? Are you going to write that thing?

Because I always say the difference between me and someone else's is that I just actually sat down and wrote. You know, I did the Work. And I think you're not going to get anywhere as long as you just sit and have that dream in your head.

And I think if God has put something on your heart or he gives you something in your mind that he has for you to do. And a lot of times it is that whole thing.

I mean, I can't tell you how many times where it's like, I think it's in Zephaniah where it's like, do not despise the day of Small Beginnings where you're like, stuff that we start. I mean, the blog was nothing for me. I didn't plan all this. I wasn't thinking, oh, I'll end up getting to write books and that'll become my career.

I mean, that was not it at all. It was just this. I just want to share my heart about motherhood and life and be funny and give women a safe place to land.

So I would say just get started. Don't be afraid.

I love that. And so glad that you did get started. And now God's given you so many assignments. I love the titles of your book. You are hilarious.

Your latest title is Here Be Dragons. Can you tell us about this book? What it's about, why you wrote it?

So this book for me is almost. It's almost feels like this is the culmination of all the books that I've written.

Like, it's the book that I feel like I was always leading up to write.

I just knew that the timing was going to have to be right and God was going to have to give me the right season for it, you know, and I didn't know how that was going to come together.

But Here Be Dragons was something that came to me and it was when my daughter was actually in the midst of a lot of just mean girl drama in high school and just dealing with, you know, I don't know if you know this, but teen girls can sometimes not be very nice.

Oh, I know. There's also mean 40 year olds that we. It runs the gamut, it runs the.

Gamut, it runs the gamut. But it's so she was dealing with all of that and just life felt really hard. We were just in this really hard season.

And I read this article that talked about in ancient times when people would set sail across the sea in search of new lands or treasure or whatever it was, that when they were going to get to a place that was like unexplored territory or maybe where a ship had disappeared or they knew that there might be danger, they Would write in Latin on the map, here be dragons. And it was just their way of saying, like, hey, you may want to be careful. There's danger up ahead. There's something unknown up here.

And it really resonated with me in that season because I was like, man, isn't that just such a picture of life that we're just going along and we don't know what's ahead of us, but there's always going to be dragons lurking? So I loved that idea.

And at the time, I thought that this was just going to be a book about helping Caroline navigate through that mean girl season of her life.

But what I didn't anticipate was the way telling that story was going to bring me back to kind of my story of growing up with the realization that my mom was my first mean girl, that she was the first woman in my life who tore me down, who told me I was a disappointment, who didn't love me the way a mom is supposed to love a daughter. And so the book is ultimately about dealing with mean girls.

It's about motherhood, but it's also about recovering and healing from generational trauma.

Wow. That takes on a lot of things that many of us can resonate with.

Yeah, just a light hearted, you know, just a light hearted feel good.

Hair be dragons. When I thought about talking to you about this, I thought, momming is so hard.

And it's not only hard because you're watching your daughters go through hard things, but it does trigger some of our own stuff. And so I was thinking about women listening and thought like, if.

If you could give advice for these things, and I throw out some scenarios, we would love to hear your advice on this. What's your advice for moms listening right now who feel like they're messing up?

I mean, I think, you know what? You probably are. I mean, that's the truth is, is that we're all just human and we're doing the best that we can. And we've never done this before.

I mean, even if you have six kids, you've never parented this particular child before. And everybody is so different. And so we are going to mess up. I mean, we are going to make mistakes. We're not always going to handle things right.

But I think it's knowing that God is so faithful to cover the places that we mess up and the gaps that we leave and the places. And I think especially, I mean, the amount of times that I've gone to my daughter and been like, you know what? I didn't handle that right. I'm sorry.

That was, you know, it's okay.

I think it's all about having a heart that says, I'm not going to do this perfectly, but I'm going to do it it faithfully and to, and to know that God specifically gave you your child to raise. And that means it's because he knew that you would be the best mother for that child.

Such a good word.

It also reminds me one of my best friends is a therapist and she always says to me when I'm working something out with like a parenting thing, you haven't been here before. You haven't been here before and neither has your kid. And she's always saying that to her own kids. We haven't been here before. This is new.

It kind of like opens up this sort of grace to be kind to yourself in the midst of not knowing what the heck you're doing.

Yeah, it's. I always say parenting is like a pop quiz on a, on a, on a day that you didn't show up for class.

You know, it's like I, I love it.

So you just don't know what, what's going to hit you.

Oh my goodness. What is your advice for a mom listening who feels like her generational wounds are following her and maybe coming out sideways while she parents?

I mean, I think to me it's like it takes one brave person to stop a legacy of generational dysfunction.

You know, if you see patterns that, you know in places where you're like, oh, I see where I'm being like my mom or like my dad and I don't want to be that person and I want to do better. Like, if you're seeing those places, I mean, to me that's where you go to God and say, help me heal from this.

Like, let give me wisdom and discernment to see the root of where this is coming from and knowing that Jesus is really the only thing.

Because I think, you know, so much of like society, I think, wants to tell us self help books like pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be better and just resolve to be better. But I think ultimately Jesus is the only thing that's going to heal what has been broken in us to a point where we don't repeat those cycles.

So I would say when you see those things and that's, you know, that's where I saw, like I was, I was watching things in my life where I was like, I'm repeating behaviors that were just seem normal to me but aren't normal. And so it's like, God, give me the wisdom and the strength to, to break those cycles.

So good. What about moms who are. They've poured into their daughters and given them everything, invested in them, walked alongside them.

They're just deeply afraid of losing their daughter's connection.

Yeah, I mean, I think the truth is, I think if you walk alongside your daughter, I think if you're connected, I think if you listen to them, if you value them, I think if you're letting them be who God created them to be, even if that's different than what you thought maybe your daughter was going to look like. I mean, I think it's remembering that our daughters aren't a mini version of us.

They're their own unique person and it's allowing them to be that unique person. But I believe that if you invest in that relationship, I don't think you're going to lose your daughter, you know, but I think it has to be real.

And I think it can't just be trying to live vicariously through your daughter.

And I think that there are years, especially in the teen years, where you have to let go a little bit, you know, in incremental steps and let them live their own lives and have their own identity and not force things. Because I think force always creates resistance.

But I think sometimes if you have, if you hold them with an open hand and say, I want you to go live, go live your life, go do your thing, go, you know, whatever, it gives them the freedom and the desire to want to come back to you.

Such a good word. What's your advice for moms who want to punch mean girls in the face?

I know that feeling. You didn't even know. You didn't know that you could want to fight a 13 year old until you're a mom, you know, like, nope.

Or her mother or her mother, you're.

Like, meet me on the playground, man, I think it's so hard because you don't even know. I mean, it's, it's the whole thing of like, your child may forget, but a mom never forgets. Like, you never forget who did your kid wrong.

You just don't. I mean, what is that, what is.

That about our daughters forgetting about the girls that were mean and we're just like, what are you doing? Inviting her back to our house.

One of our favorite things around here at Collide is hosting conferences just for you. These one night events, gather.

Gather together women of all ages, stages and faith backgrounds for an incredible night of inspiration and encouragement. Attending a Collide conference is a unique experience that women walk away from feeling refreshed, energized, hopeful, and changed.

So check out the link in the show notes for more information on our upcoming events, and grab your ticket today to join us for an impactful night.

Such a good word. What's your advice for moms who want to punch mean girls in the face?

I know that feeling. You didn't even know. You didn't know that you could want to fight a 13 year old until you're a mom, you know, like, nope.

Or her mother. Or her mother.

Meet me on the playground. Man, I think it's so hard because you don't even know. I mean, it's. It's the whole thing of, like, your child may forget, but a mom never forgets.

Like, you never forget who did your kid wrong. You just don't. I mean, what is that.

What is that about our daughters forgetting about the girls that were mean and we're just like, what are you doing inviting her back to our house?

Yes. Yes. Why is she here? Like. But I think it's like everything is. It's.

You know, I mean, I think back to my own high school experience and, you know, dealing with mean girls or dealing with different stuff like that, and it didn't affect me. I mean, at the time I was sad about it, but it didn't affect me nearly like it has on the other side of being the mother.

Because I think it's watching this person that you love more than anything else and you would do anything to protect, and all of a sudden you can't, and you feel so helpless to know how to fix it or how to make it better or what to do.

And.

And so I think it makes it really hard.

But I also think that we have to model, you know, and what I always tried to impart to Caroline, even if I didn't feel it in my own heart, you know, was to be like, hey, you don't know what that girl is going through. You don't know what her home life is like. I mean, this is more about.

I mean, because when somebody comes at you with that kind of behavior, it's always more about them and their insecurities and their jealousies than it is about anything you've actually done. And so it's imparting grace and being able to forgive, but also that it's okay to set boundaries, you know, like, you.

You can forgive that person without allowing them to have access back into your life, too.

You're. You have a Young adult woman as a daughter. Now, when you look back on your time together and momming her, what do you feel like?

Our.

Hey, if I was gonna give advice or mentor other moms, here's some of the mistakes I made that I wish I would have done differently. And here's some of the best things I did to mom my daughter.

Yeah, I mean, I think looking back, I think it's. And it's. This is still my struggle, even with her being 22 years old, is.

I think sometimes it can be so hard to not get on the emotional rollercoaster with them. I think moms and daughters, I think we feel it so deeply because we were girls ourselves, and so we know how it feels to have your heart broken.

We know how it feels to be left out of a friend group on a Friday night. Like, we. We feel it so deeply, and it's. It's that balance of being the place where your daughter can vent and cry and be sad. But, like, we can.

We can. We can feel all that, but we don't need to get wrapped up in all the emotion of it.

You know, like, we kind of need to be that strong, safe anchor and not be so quick to jump on the roller coaster and listen. I have been so quick to listen.

I have buckled myself into that roller coaster and been so quick to go on that ride, raising my hand to get in my car and listen to Taylor Swift songs and cry over stuff that ultimately isn't. You know, I mean, there have been times that my husband has had to tell me. He's like, hey, you remember, you've already been through all this.

This is her life. Like, this is. She's got to go through it. I'm like, I know. So I think it's. Somebody gave me.

It was actually my therapist gave me this great analogy where she said, when you feel yourself wanting to get on that roller coaster, like, instead envision.

What's happened is she's on the roller coaster, and you're down on the ground, and what you're doing is you're cheering her on because you know she's going to make it. Like, it's going to be okay. And so. But you don't need to feel every stomach drop. You don't need to feel every lurch around the corner.

And listen, that's so much easier said than done, but if you can just take a few steps back, it's so much healthier, and it's helped me navigate so many things with Caroline from a healthier place of being able to Be an advisor and not to get sucked into the drama of the moment with her. So that's that. And then I think some of the.

I mean, I think the best thing I've done is, you know, somebody told me, an older mom told me when Caroline was little, she was like, you have to pour into the relationship now and listen to her now, even as a toddler and a, you know, and a kindergartner and a first grader.

Like, listen to her dreams and who she is and really be present in the moment, because that's how you're going to keep building that relationship is, you know, I mean, because when they're, you know, when they're five, they're wanting to tell you about their dream, about they were a unicorn and this happened, and you're kind of like, oh, my gosh, like, I just. Just want to go to Target and zone out. But it's like listening to what they care about and what's going on with them.

And I think that sets up a pattern of that being your relationship for the rest of your lives, where it's like, my mom is a safe place. She wants to hear what's going on with me. She wants to share my life. She wants to know, because as they get older, you are going to want to know.

And I think the other thing that I think I've done really well, and I will say this there again, this was an older friend that told me that, and my best friend and I have coined it, we call it houseplant parenting, which is where sometimes I think, especially with teenagers, we were so desperate to know what's going on that we can be overeager, but what you really need to do is kind of sit there like a house plant. Just. Just be there.

Like, I kind of learned, like, when Caroline was still living at home and was in high school, like, I would stay up late until she got home. And if I would just sit there kind of quietly on my phone and just be like, so how was your night? And like, that's it.

And I would even do, like, this color by number or be playing a dumb game because they're going to talk so much more if you're not like, and then what happened? And then what was going on? And then if you start asking too many questions, they shut down. So just. Just choose your moments and. And be a house plant.

I'm laughing because for, I don't know, the first four girlfriends or something that my son ever had, I was like, well, where does she live? What are her parents like, what does she like, do for hobbies? What's she going to school for? You know, just all these questions.

And then it drove him crazy. And so he gets a girlfriend and a new girlfriend. And I decided I'm. He's annoyed. I'm gonna ask zero questions.

And about three weeks to a month in, he just had it. He was like, why do you never ask me questions about girlfriend? And I'm like, okay, now I realize what really works. They have to come to us.

I love it. I haven't heard the houseplant parenting plan though. That's awesome. Yeah.

I have a couple follow up questions for you about the roller coaster and also creating a safe space.

Okay.

Roller coaster.

When you feel though, like you're listening to something going on with your kid and you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster, but you're pretending you're not, that what did you do with those emotions when you wanted to go, like, process that you actually are on the roller coaster?

Yeah. I mean, I think for me a lot of times it was just like, practically speaking, I think, like I would just.

I was like, I have to get out of my own head. And it's like, go for a long walk, like, remove myself from the situation in that moment.

And I think for me more than anything is it's the power of prayer, of just like, like, as women especially, I'm like, I don't know why God chooses to have us be perimenopausal while we're parenting teenagers. That feels like a really flawed plan because your anxiety can already be at a high point.

But I think it's just, it's asking God for wisdom and for just kind of to take captive like all the thoughts, you know, and just to be like, I'm going to dial this back and I'm going to process this with as much logic as I can that even if this thing happens, even if she has to go through this hard time, what's the worst that's going to happen? You know, like, do I not trust that God is good? Do I not trust that God is sovereign over her life?

Do I not trust that he is working out plans for her and that he's going to use even this hard time for good?

And I think now I have so many, you know, because she's 22, there's so many things I can look back on that at the time I was like, well, this is just awful. But now I see the ways God has used that in her life to develop her and to Give her strength and character.

And I think one of the things that's helped me too, get off the roller coaster is remembering that when we think back at our own lives, it's usually the places where our faith grew the most or where we developed more character or we learned who we really are and who God really is, weren't the easy times. It was the struggles that we went through. And so it's like, why would we want to deprive our kids of those same things?

And can we trust God in those hard moments? And that usually helps me kind of take some breaths and get back off the roller coaster.

Absolutely. You mentioned one of the things that you did well was create a safe space for your daughter to come and share with you. And I love that so much.

I think there's a lot of really well intended parents who would say amen to that, and they think they're creating safe spaces. But there's some common mistakes I imagine, that we make where we're actually sort of accosting safety. So what are some of those mistakes that we.

That we make? Things we say or do, where we're actually saying this isn't a safe space, but we don't even realize we're doing it?

I mean, I think. I think in the moment, sometimes it can be asking too many questions. I think sometimes being a safe space is just listening instead of talking.

One thing that I've really tried to learn to do over the years is if Caroline comes home or if she calls and something has happened is like, let her vent. Let her get out her feelings and her emotions about it. Because a lot of times that's what they need, is they just need.

I've got to say all of these terrible things to someone that I know loves me no matter what.

And then there could be a time, I think, as a parent, to sit and take all that in and then evaluate where you are 24 hours later and be like, okay, what. What was said or done that I need to speak into? Like, where do I need to ask some more questions?

Or to say, hey, maybe a better way to handle this might be da, da, da.

But I think sometimes in the heat of the moment, the way you can be the safest is just to sit there in silence and listen, you know, and maybe before you're so quick to talk, be like, hey, can I say something? Or is this a good time to say something and just let them kind of determine that.

I think the other thing that we sometimes can do is we want to relate to them by Telling them our own story about, like, well, when I was a sophomore in high school. And here's the thing that's like, when I was a kid, I had to travel uphill both ways in the snow to school. Like, they don't care.

Like, they don't mean to not care, but they just, they really don't care about your 15 year old story.

Right.

Like, and so it's letting them share their feelings and their thoughts. And I think also a way that you can be safe is that it also isn't the time to pile on. Like, you may be sitting there going, you know what?

That girl is terrible. And that's awful that she did that to you.

But I don't know that you're helping by piling on to that, to that girl and remembering that even though you may think that girl is terrible, that she is clearly dealing with some other stuff and probably needs some grace.

So good. So good.

You mentioned earlier that while you were parenting your daughter and she was dealing with mean girls, you had this great big realization that your mom was a mean girl. What did it look like for you to find healing for that trauma so that you could be more of a healing space for your daughter?

Yeah, I mean, I think for me it was, you know, it was kind of a lifelong process because I think, you know, I started to know like, you know, teenage years where I was like, this relationship with my mom is not right. This doesn't seem.

And you know, that that realization just grows as you start to be around other people and see, you know, you go off to college and you go home with your friends and you see their family dynamics. And I just realized, like, oh, this is not what I had. And I think it just continues to grow.

I also think that my mom's mental illness continued to develop, you know, the older she got. So I think there's those things. But I also think that it's sometimes the most healing thing can be.

And I think for me, the pivotal point was when I had my daughter and when I looked at that baby, I was like, oh, my mom never loved me the way that I love this baby. Like, I just knew it.

But I think sometimes the way that God heals you the most is allowing you to be the thing in somebody else's life that you wish you would have had in your own life life. And so I feel like getting to be that healthy version of what I wish I had had has been like the most healing thing for me.

And, and just to see God's redemption in it and it's just, it's a true story to me of, you know, that his promise that he gives us beauty for ashes. And sometimes the best teacher of what you want to be is having a clear example of what you don't want to be.

So good. So good. What is your daughter up to now?

I mean, you, you write about her and you've done so much work in your own life, your own heart, your own trauma so that you could be an amazing mom. What are you most proud of about your daughter? Tell us what she's up to.

So she is actually, I'm so proud of her right now. So she's 22. She graduated from Texas A and M University in spring and she is now back in College Station and she's getting her master's degree.

But the biggest thing is, is that she has written a devotional book called 100. Yeah. Called the lion and the Bear. It's a 100 day guide to facing your giants and it is targeted to teen girls and it comes out in October.

So she has a devotional book coming out. She had her first speaking engagement.

We did a mother daughter speaking engagement together on Sunday and she got up on stage for the first time ever.

And it's one of those things as a mom, like, I knew she could do it, but I think sitting there watching her do it was maybe one of the most rewarding moments of my whole life of just seeing the way she loves Jesus and follows him and the way she's wanting to use her experiences and kind of a lot of the heartbreak she went through to help other girls and to help them see Jesus in it and to know that God is always writing their story. So I'm so proud of her.

What a beautiful redemption story.

And I bet that when, you know, you mentioned earlier when people call your name and talk about your accolades and your best selling books and all this, you're like, oh, wait, that's me. But when you hear them introduce your daughter, you're like, that's her. That is her. You're so proud of her 100%.

She's like, mom, why are you like the. Why are you like the Kris Jenner of the Christian publishing world? Because you're like my best marketing. And I'm like, because I'm so proud of you.

Oh, I love that so much that I know there's women listening who want to grab ahold of your book and want to follow you and hear more about your life and your daughter's life. How can they do that?

So really the best place. I mean, we're both on Instagram, so I'm Melanie Schenkel on Instagram. Caroline is Caroline Schenkel on Instagram.

And so if you have a daughter, her book is.

Is.

I mean, listen, I read it all the way through as she was writing it, and it's just so encouraging to girls, and so you can find us there. I'm actually starting a new substack where I'm just going to be.

I'm kind of going back to my basics of blogging, where I'm just going to be, you know, writing every day or most days. Yeah. So we'll see how that goes. And then I have a podcast that I do with my dear friend Sophie called the Big Boo Cast. And it is just.

It's a podcast about nothing. As my dad would say. We don't dive into anything except for mascara and what we're watching and what beauty products we love and.

But we have a good time, so you can find me there, too.

Oh, I. I can guarantee it would be a good time. You're hilarious. And spending time with you is a joy. So thank you for being on the podcast today.

Absolutely. Thanks so much for having me.

Friend. I am so glad you hung out with us today. And I. I want to just pause for a moment and recognize that.

I know that you are trying so hard and working so hard to pour into, invest in your kids. And it is hard. It is hard. It is the hardest job in the world, and yet the most rewarding, beautiful job in the whole world.

And I hope that you will give yourself grace, that you'll be a friend to yourself, that you'll recognize that, hey, we're all in this together. We don't know what we're doing. We make mistakes. Our journey with our daughters is sometimes like hiking mountains.

Sometimes it's like having a blast on a boat. And sometimes you're in the valley, man. I mean, it's all over the place. But the Lord is with you. And.

And Melanie was so right in saying he gave you your kids. He gave you your kids because he knew that you'd be their best mom. And so I hope that you hold on to that this week.

If you're in a challenging season and a hard season, if you're facing some tough obstacles, I pray that you would know that you are not alone. That not only is God with you, but you are surrounded by people who love you. And if you don't, you don't feel like you are.

I encourage you this week to reach out and ask another mom for coffee. Maybe another mom who's older than you. Maybe she has kids just slightly older than you or way older than you.

Just ask another mom out for coffee and seek some wisdom from someone else who maybe has been here before. Friend, you're not alone and I know that you're rocking it. Keep colliding and we'll catch you next week.