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Tracy Malone - Are You Divorcing a Narcissist?
Episode 801st May 2023 • Her Empowered Divorce • Beverly Price
00:00:00 00:38:13

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In this episode of the Her Empowered Divorce Expert Series podcast, Beverly Price interviews Tracy Malone and we talk about Are You Divorcing a Narcissist. Top mistakes people make in divorcing a narcissist, how to protect yourself from post-divorce legal and financial abuse

Tracy Malone Author of 'DIVORCING YOUR NARCISSIST: You Can't Make This Shit Up! Tracy is a divorce coach specializing in narcissistic abuse divorces. The Founder of NarcissistAbuseSupport.com Tracy coaches’ clients from all over the world. You can listen to her podcast or visit her on YouTube.

Tracy Malone Author, Speaker, Educator, and International narcissistic abuse divorce coach. She is a surTHRIVER of abuse herself and the founder of NarcissistAbuseSupport.com. Tracy Bestselling book – DIVORCING A NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up! as well as 32 healing journals. Tracy has a popular YouTube channel and podcast that has reached millions of survivors.

Key Interview Questions that Beverly Asks Tracy:

1.           How are narcissists different in a divorce process?

2.         In your book you mention rich and poor narcissists - why does that matter in a narcissistic divorce? 3

3.        What are some of the tactics a narcissist will deploy during a divorce

4.        What are the biggest mistakes people make when divorcing a narcissist in your book you talk about the grey areas of a divorce decree - can you tell us about that?

5.        What 3 actionable takeaways can you give women that they can do to enhance their journey from beginning to end and recovery from the divorce process

a.  don't underestimate the black and white thinking where you become the evil one,

b.  they must destroy understand the reason it’s important to understand the tactics understand the biggest mistakes

c.    how to protect yourself from post-divorce legal and financial abuse

  

ABOUT TRACY MALONE:

Tracy Malone  Are You Divorcing a Narcissist

CONNECT WITH TRACY MALONE –

What are your website address and social media handles: https://narcissistabusesupport.com Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/188681268196044/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tracyamalone/ Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/tracyamalone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TracyAMalone Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/podcast-archive-narcissist-abuse-support/id1244854330?mt=2 Twitter - https://twitter.com/TracyAMalone

CONNECT WITH PODCAST HOST AND DIVORCE AND EMPOWERMENT COACH, BEVERLY PRICE:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE HER EMPOWERED DIVORCE PODCAST

If you liked this episode, please don’t forget to leave us a review, subscribe, and share this podcast!

****************************************

About Host, Beverly Price:

 Beverly Price, Certified Divorce and Empowerment coach, combines divorce and empowerment coaching to provide education, support, and insight to guide women along the entire divorce process, and to conquer its emotional, technical, financial and logistical challenges.

Her coaching stresses self-awareness, conflict resolution, communication skills, organization, and clarity. She provides one-on-one custom designed coaching to help women through the ups and downs and grow from self-doubt to self-love quicker, with less pain, more knowledge than she did.

She serves women in three phases of divorce:

1) those contemplating divorce and wanting clarity in their decision process,

2) those in the complex and confusing legal and financial process, and

3) those who are divorced and unhappy, but want a happier, more fulfilling life. 

Other episodes of the Her Empowered Divorce podcast and the Divorce Expert Series, information about Beverly’s coaching, blogs and more can be found at https://www.herempowereddivorce.com

Note: If you are thinking of divorce and are the victim of any type of financial violence – verbal, physical, Emotional, financial or more, DO NOT leave without getting counsel from DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXPERT.

CALL YOUR LOCAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER OR CALL THE US HOTLINE AT 800-799-7233. 70% of women who leave an abuser are murdered. Don’t take a chance. Call the experts.

Sign up for a free consultation with Beverly to find out there is someone who can educate, advocate and guide you through all phases of divorce so you can reach an empowered and happy new life! Click on the link https://Beverly-Price.as.me/Consultation

 A Warm Shoutout To Our Amazing Sponsor:

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Transcripts

Hi, everyone. I'm so excited about our episode today. I have a fabulous expert to share with you her story and her advice to help you on your divorce journey. Whether you are a soon-to-be-separated, separated, divorcing, divorced woman, or even listening for a friend, this podcast was created for you.

My guest today is Tracy Malone. about the top mistakes people make in divorcing a narcissist. Tracy is the author of divorcing your narcissist. You can't make this blank up. Shit up. Excuse me.

Tracy is a divorce coach specializing in narcissistic abuse divorces. The founder of narcissisticabusesupport.com. Tracy's coaching clients from all over the world listen to her words. And you can listen to her podcast or visit her on YouTube. Hi Tracy, thank you so much for being my guest today. It's great to have you here.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

I'm so excited to be here at Brevardly, and it is great to be here and help talk about narcissistic divorces.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Absolutely. And that seems to be such an absolutely hot topic. Almost every client and potential client I talk to says she's married to a narcissist. So I pulled up some numbers. And it said about 7.7% of males and about 4.8% of females are narcissists. So sometimes you've got a narcissist. you have a plain all self-centered person. So how do you decide or how do you advise your clients if they're dealing with a sure thing narcissist versus somebody that's just pretty selfish in their divorce?

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Well, again, none of us are going to be qualified to diagnose a narcissist that someone comes on our screen with because we're not treating said person.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Okay.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

And

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Right.

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it takes a very skilled psychologist years to be able to diagnose them if they wanted to go do that work. What I say is the validation of what the people are reading or looking at and going,

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

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Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

that we work with and we give them guidance to help to know how to handle it. Beautiful. So it sounds like you're focused on how the woman recovers and how the woman deals with it rather than being consumed by labeling somebody a narcissist. I think so because... Okay.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

so because again we can talk as if we know because they're pretty confident about it and if they say they're xyz-ing then I'm not going to debate them. I'll validate what you're experiencing. I'll even validate what's common and what you're saying

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Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

if it walks like a duck and it talks like a swan, it's like you're a narcissist. Yeah, absolutely. So in the divorce process, how are narcissists different than let's say divorcing a non-narcissist? Yeah. No.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Yeah, and that's the thing. I don't have much experience with the non-narcissists,

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Hahaha!

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

but I certainly know they're out there. I've had plenty of friends that have had normal, as you would call them, divorces. But a narcissist is a very fragile eagle person, right?

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Gotcha, so it sounds like I've heard, you know, some people talk about they prefer a mediator who... and then an attorney for them because the mediator tends to be that neutral party for both

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it. Do many attorneys and mediators and judges understand narcissism?

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at

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cost

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cost

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you 20

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you 20

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a

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contempt

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of

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court

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hearing

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two

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she

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she

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her narcissist

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I was

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there

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there

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with

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with

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the lawyer

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the

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the

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judge

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Right.

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God, so many people that have been arrested by their narcissist. You can't make that shit up. It is a horrible thing and you're like, I just want to get a divorce, just leave me alone. Why are you doing this? But they just need to because if we go back to that first statement, they need to be the victim and you need to be the villain.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

they just need to because we go

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I know. You can't make this up, I told ya!

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back to that first statement. They need to be the victim and you need to be the villain. Gotcha, woo. You can't make this up, I told you. Yeah, I also heard, going back to the financial, a client of mine, that I was talking to after her divorce was complete, discovered that her husband had cashed out an IRA and didn't disclose it. And because they were separated, she was responsible for half of the tax impact, which was like $40,000. And so she's actually trying to go to court to show that he didn't disclose it and that kind of thing.

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Right, which is again, another just it's just another chapter in the divorce, right? That's

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going to cost her 40 grand to just like get out of that. There

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Okay.

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Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

No, let's talk to the audience about it.

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Sure. So an innocent

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clause is something that your lawyer can assert to the IRS that said she had no knowledge of this and then therefore you can get out of it. So it is something that that particular clause is something that would help her in this situation. Because again, taxes are not above them to to mess with something as legal as that because

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It's the same thing about clearing up the bank accounts and all of the things that we might see. Those are what they do. Wow. So what are some of the biggest mistakes that someone would make when divorcing a narcissist? Well.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Well, first of all, calling them a narcissist.

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Hahaha!

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When you do that, the game is over, right? Then they are the hair on the back of their neck, they get more evil, they get more vindictive.

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Okay.

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The gig is up for them and they use it as a okay, I don't, there's no whole bars here, I don't have to pretend I'm going to be evil or that's what they do, right?

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Right.

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So don't call it that. But I think a lot of people get stuck and I was saying this on another interview this weekend. It depends on if you were the dumpy or the dumper. Like

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Okay.

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if you were in charge and decided to get the divorce, then you have all the power. You have known about it, you can prepare, you can hide money, you can hire the right team. You have the money and the wherewithal. You can't be the dumper if you don't have money. Right? You

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I can have the house. You know, they'll tell you all these things. They'll tell you what you want to hear. But believing in that is always a Trojan horse. It's always a Trojan horse. I'll go to therapy. You know, we'll work on this.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Yeah.

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Wow. It's

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keep it? I'm good. I've heard so many women say that. I give up, I'm worn out. Take it, take it all.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

But it doesn't make them go away. They want more. They've got this insatiable appetite to get you. So even if you say that, they'll do it through the kids. They'll do

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in

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your

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your

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for

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more

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the

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get

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lower

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than

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than

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that.

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that right

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If you start off at 60%, you're going to hit back down to your 50 line. And that's going to be a much better and safer place for you. So it's not having the things that you can wiggle room on, if you would call it. This is a negotiation. This is something that we can do. And I think the last thing is not planning for the future with the children and the gray areas of all of the things. Again, people are just like, okay, Christmas this year, Christmas next year, it wasn't worth the fight. Again, pay now, pay later.

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Right.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

You're going to fight over every detail if you don't nail it down while you've got the legal team in place.

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Yeah, I think your phrase pay now versus pay later is absolutely on target. Absolutely. Tracy, I like to ask my guests for three takeaways, three action steps that women in our audience can take now to help deal with their situation, their divorce situation with a narcissist. What would you suggest to them?

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Education. You know, it's not just about learning about what a narcissist is because they get stuck in that loop of watching YouTube's, Oh, they ruin vacations. Oh, no, oh, no. You're sitting there. You're ruminating. You're not on the focus wagon. Put that same lens on to educating yourself about them and divorce and recovery from divorce. Start your recovery sooner, right? Understand what is capable. are possible. Sorry about that. Understand what could happen

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Right.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

so that you can have a plan because again fear is going to be your enemy and they are going to know how to make you so afraid that you can't get out of bed for a month, right? So if you have the tools to really

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really see

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see this

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this that

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that

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oh

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oh,

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that's

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that's just

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just

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gaslighting.

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gaslighting

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Of

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of

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course,

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they're

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gonna

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gaslight

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gaslight

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me

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me

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and and knowing when to fight what accusations. Again,

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I

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had

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had

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a

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$100,000

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hundred thousand dollar divorce

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over

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over $20,000.

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25 because I fought every

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every

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single

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single

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accusation.

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a

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thief.

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that

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that

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for

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for 100,000.

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a hundred thousand.

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20,000?

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twenty thousand? Can

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just

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everything

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true.

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true and that costs a lot of money. The lawyers need to say. that

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the

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the

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do

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that,

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we

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we

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pick

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pick-

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our battles the right way. Those are the biggest takeaway is

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Wow.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

don't give up hope because it is gonna be a really, really bad time. But if you have the support team, you will know when to react and how to control your triggers and your emotions so that you can actually do a better, like you can be more present to get this over with.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

I'm sorry. It sounds like you have personal experience in this.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Thank

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Can

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

you.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

you tell us a little bit about that? Sure.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Sure, so I divorced my narcissistic husband 10 years ago this month, which is woohoo an anniversary.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

We'll celebrate.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Thank you. Thank you. And so it was called the most tortured divorce in our town's history. He was in contempt six out of our seven trials. Again, we are talking about 25,000 for me, 25,000 for him. That's it. Split it. Go home.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

It's

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It's

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not

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not

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your

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your

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kid.

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there's nothing to fight over.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

and yet we had seven trials. And so I never understood what was going on throughout the whole thing. My lawyer, I had a therapist at that point for five years and he never said the word. And I had no idea what was going on. I'm like, why are they attacking me? I don't understand. And it was all because of this. It was this need to make me into the bad guy. So that was my experience

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

and

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

and I

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

I still

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still

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didn't

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a

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a

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years later.

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later.

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And that's when I learned about it and went. That's why. And then I went, why me? And then I was like, oh my gosh, it was my mother, my father, both my sisters. I mean, I've been surrounded. It was normalized for me to date and

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

and be

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be

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married

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married

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to someone

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someone like

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posting

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her

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our

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field

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family

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of education,

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vacation.

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so

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if

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if a

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a

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guy

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guy did

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did

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it...

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

it, oh, they'll be back next week. It was normal. And that's what happens with most victims of narcissistic abuse.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

There's

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some

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some kind

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of

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paper

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paper

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family or

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or

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other

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other relationships

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relationships that

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that made

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made you

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you not

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not

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think

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think you

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you were

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were

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getting

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you

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getting,

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right?

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right?

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Gotcha. Wow. So Tracy, how can our listeners find you and your book?

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Sure, so my book is on Barnes and Noble, it's on Amazon, it's on Kindle, it's on Audible, you can find it pretty much anywhere. My website is narcissistabusesupport.com, not narcissistic.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Okay.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

So it is out there, it's got all the resources and that will lead you to my Instagram, to my Pinterest, to my YouTube channel, to my podcast, and there's about 700 pages of resources. including specific sections.

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If

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you

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you

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can't

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can't

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afford

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afford

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a

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a

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legal

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legal

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lawyer, here's

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every

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every

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single

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If you can't

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afford counseling,

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the

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DV

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DV

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go

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go and

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check

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out

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those

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I

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I

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build

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build

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them

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all

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weekend

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that

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know

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up

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up

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and

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and

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I

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I

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I'm

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not

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blindsided.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

blindsided. Wonderful. So is there anything else we haven't covered that you'd like to touch on before we say goodbye?

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Sure, it's important to know that people forget this part. The amount of drama that you're seeing in this divorce is exactly the amount of drama you're gonna see if you're co-parenting, right? And that part can be fixed and alleviated by making that really solid parenting plan and think

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

think about

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about

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every

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every

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situation

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because

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because

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I

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I

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can't

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can't

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tell

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tell you

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you the

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the thousands

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thousands of

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of

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clients

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clients

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that

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that

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come

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come

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to

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to

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me

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me

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and

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and

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go,

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go.

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you

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don't

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school

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uniforms.

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uniforms or I don't have any money. And

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if

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you

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it

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everything

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the

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the

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now

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or pay

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I

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how

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I

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can

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say

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say

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$5,000

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$5,000

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for

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for

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mine.

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mine. How often did you wear it? One day, would you spend $5,000 to ensure peace for the next 18 years? that's what people have to think through

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because

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beautiful.

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we got in here with a big ass party and a big wedding that cost a lot of money. It's sad that we have to spend as much money to get out, but if you equate it

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to

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to

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the

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the

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throwing

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away

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of

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of

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that.

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that dress or sticking it in her closet for 400 years

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to

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to all

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all those

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those

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years

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years

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60.

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60,

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I

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I

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get

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40.

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15

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15

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years.

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years because the kids aren't aged out.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Wow. And what about for somebody that doesn't have kids? Are there still implications after the divorce of the narcissist?

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

You know, there can be a lot of a lot of the things again, we get into that gray area with my little clause there is if they don't, like, say, again, like the woman in the example I use, sell the house, give her 300,000. But it took her two years to chase him right and then there's other things that are not filling out proper tax forms not dividing things not giving you that retirement money you were supposed to get. There's all kinds of ways that they continue to abuse. It's not as much as when you've got kids, because that's

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Right.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

almost like the death sentence. I made a meme on Instagram recently. I'm like, it's an 18-year death sentence because you're going to be connected to them. And if they are, so I mean, I think right now I have at least five clients that exchange their children at the police station. That's how volatile it gets. But if you're not with kids, again, Don't make the mistake and think, okay, we don't have kids, I'll just end it that way. You've got to protect yourself.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

When

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is

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is

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to pay legal fees for both of them.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

Oh, excellent advice. Tracy, thank you so much for being my guest today. You have shared so much rich information that I know is going to help so many women in their divorce. You are truly amazing.

Tracy Malone - NarcissistAbuseSupport.com:

Thank you so much.

Beverly Price, Her Empowered Divorce:

All of Tracy's information will be available along with mine in the show notes. You will find information about all of the social media links as well as her book. And you can find them also at herempowereddivorce.com on my podcast page or wherever you listen to podcasts for this episode. Thank you for being with Tracy and me on this episode of Her Empowered Divorce. overwhelm, grief, and pain can be used to springboard to a new life and that by feeling better on the outside you can ease the negativity on the inside. Likewise, doing work on the inside like what Tracy talks about helps you feel better and empowered all the way around. It worked for me and Tracy and I know it can work for you. Has anyone told you today that you are Well, if not, let me be the first. Join me for the next episode of this podcast, where I'll be diving deeper into what other expert professionals can do to help you on your separation and divorce journey. Remember, you can find more podcast episodes and information about my divorce and empowerment coaching at herempoweredivorce.com. Thank you.

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