It’s one thing to be a degree removed from a celebrity—it’s another to almost, possibly, maybe know how Bruce Lee died (except for the super weird turn of events that resemble a case for Mulder and Scully!)

But that’s exactly where we find ourselves in this episode: one step away from unraveling a mystery that’s tiptoed through dinner parties, rumbled around old Hong Kong restaurants, and left one family with a conversation that’s been categorically “denied” for decades.

Stuff that helps you become awesome even if you're different: https://stan.store/elletwo

My grown up job: https://lbeehealth.com/

Timestamped summary (use the chapters if you're on Apple Podcasts)

00:00 Seattle's Gloom: Love and Misery

03:46 Pathologists, Conferences, and Autopsies

06:21 "Suspicion Surrounding Mysterious Death"

11:24 "Managing Visible Disdain for Stupidity"

13:06 "Bro's Face Speaks Volumes"

Mentioned in this episode:

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I'm technically one degree away from knowing how Bruce Lee actually died. Except

everybody involved denies it happened. It would be very strange for two dudes to be

like, we're gonna go travel the world together. I am never

gonna tell you what to do with your face. All right, here we go. I'm

gonna pretend I'm pushing record, because that feels right. Okay, I'm pressing record.

Boop. Hi, everybody. I'm Lauren Howard. I go

by L2. Yes, you can call me L2. Everybody does.

It's a long story. It's actually not that long a story, but we'll save it

another time. Welcome to Different Not Broken, which is

our podcast on exactly that. That there are a lot of people in this world

walking around feeling broken, and the reality is you're just different, and

that's fine.

After my dad was in Vietnam. I think he was in Vietnam 66

to 67. He came home. He did another year

in the Navy stateside, and then he was

discharged, I guess honorably. He has his DD214. Anyway,

had. He doesn't need it now. Benefits don't do much for

him now, but he had his DD214. His benefits do

help my mom, though, so there's that. Anyway,

but after he came back, pretty sure this was after.

I can actually tell you. Let me look.

There's a reason that this matters.

Yes, it was after. It was 1973. Okay. So after he got back from Vietnam,

he. He had a friend. He. That he met.

I'm almost positive he met when he was in residency

in Washington. Washington state. He

loved living in Seattle and. Cause Seattle's gloomy and

gray all the time. And that was like his baseline state of happiness. He used

to go outside when it was overcast and take what he called gloom baths. And

that was to just, like, sit in the gross weather that

everybody else is like, this is terrible. But he also. So he

loved it. But we are also all very prone to seasonal depression.

So in a very typical Jewish manner, he loved where he

lived, and it made him miserable. So on brand. But he only was there

for two years because I think he.

Oh, he was there for two years and then he got a job. He got

a job at ucf. Not ucf. University of

Florida. What was student health at the time, which is now Shands Hospital. It was

so long ago that it was before Shands Hospital existed. And

he ended up being the team doctor for a

game while Spurrier was quarterback. And

he is not. He was not an orthopod, so. So he Spent

the entire day, the entire game going, don't get hurt, don't get hurt.

Don't get hurt. I will be useless to you. Don't get hurt. But he was

the team director while Sperger was quarterback, which is pretty cool. And I am realizing

that that means absolutely nothing to our very British producer. But that's

fine. We have this. We have this like. Like

diamond shaped ball that we use for things here, and we call it football.

Anyway, so.

So anyway, so he came back from Vietnam, settled back in Philadelphia, was there for

a while, and he had a friend who was a

pathologist. And they were friends, like,

their whole lives. And they both were single, so they could kind

of, you know, travel the world together. And they did.

And they were in Hong Kong in

1973. And just like, I. I want to say they

usually, like, went somewhere for a conference. So

if they were traveling, they would, like. They would, like, travel

a continent, but they would do it as an. Like, they would use the converts

as an excuse to get there. And also probably got some of the travel covered,

but whatever. And so they were in Hong Kong and they must have been there

for a conference because somebody that his best friend Pat knew

came up to him to talk about pathology things. Pathologist

thinks, for those who do or do not know pathologists,

usually they can. They can look at.

They can look at, like. I can't think of the word for it, but

biopsies to tell you if there's disease there. So they can do that, but

they also tend to be the people who

do autopsies is what I was trying to say. That's the word that I was

trying to get to. My word finding skills are just like a plus lately. But

so they do autopsies. And so my dad went to. My dad went

with Pat once

to a meeting of. I don't know, it was like a party of a bunch

of. A bunch of pathologists. And he said they spent the whole time looking at

slides of dead people. And he was like, this is not my jam. This is

not my vibe. I'm not going to any more parties with Pat. But anyway, they

did. They did travel a lot together.

And they were sitting in dinner or at dinner at a

restaurant in Hong Kong. And this

pathologist that Pat knew came up to him and said, hey,

can you come with me for a minute? And so he did. And then he

came back and he sat down and my dad said, what was that about? And

Pat says, oh, Bruce Lee died. And

they were talking. We were talking about the Autopsy. And

I guess my dad just didn't really think to ask anything else. He was like,

oh, is it interesting? And he was like, yeah, it's kind of interesting. There's some

things there that, you know. You know, they've got to figure out. They might want

me to look at the slides. I'm not sure yet.

He goes, okay. And they went about their evening.

My dad. And obviously, my dad has not brought this up with him in the

last, let's say, nine years at a minimum. But before

that, my dad brought it up with him a few times.

And every time he swore it didn't happen, he

denied that it happened. And anytime my dad

said, do you remember when we were in Hong Kong? He'd be like, no, I

don't remember that happening. No, that didn't happen. What are you talking about, that didn't

happen? And he's like, no. We were sitting in the restaurant. You said.

And then I said, and that guy came over, and

it was pathologist out of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah place. And you

walked away with him. And then you came back and you told me Bruce Lee

died. He's like, that didn't happen. He's

like, I was there. I remember it happening. He's like, no, it didn't happen.

So there was a period of time there

where I'm gonna guess that the pathologists of the world did not

know that they were not supposed to be talking about this. And somebody

threatened somebody, because it's basically as soon

as they, like. Like a couple days after they left that restaurant when it came

up again, because it became like this, obviously, this international thing where everybody was

talking about it, and there was all this suspicion around his death, and nobody knew

what happened. And. And my dad, being my dad, was like, oh, well, Pat

knows. Why doesn't everybody just ask Pat? And

so he, like, asked Pat, and Pat was like, I have no idea what you're

talking about. That never happened.

So had my dad asked a couple more questions

on one fateful night in 1973,

he could have actually known, and nobody would have known to threaten him.

So anyway, I'm technically one degree away from knowing how Bruce

Lee actually died, except everybody

involved denies it happened. And some of them are actually. Some of them

who are not Bruce Lee are dead now. So that's

complicated.

Okay?

That is a thing that actually happened. That was my dad's life before,

right? That's. That was my dad's life before he handcuffed

his. Himself to somehow both his mother and my mother.

Yeah, yeah. Just sitting in a random

restaurant in Hong Kong, which is a thing that apparently single men did

in 1973.

Very weird. Very weird. Now, that would be

very strange. It would be. I think it would be very strange for two dudes

to be like, we're gonna go travel the world together.

And, like, I have confirmation that my dad was straight. I do not have confirmation

that Pat was straight. Is straight. I think he's still alive.

And somebody said that. Somebody said that to my

dad, like, because Pat was always a bachelor. Always.

And people thought my dad was always going to be a bachelor, too, so they

probably just assumed there was something going on there. There wasn't. Not that that would

have been a problem. I just wouldn't have been born. But

my dad. My dad had incredible

gaydar. He had the most finely tuned

gaydar, unless it was

obnoxiously obvious. Like, if

somebody walked in and was, like, talking about their husband

right over his head. Totally miss it, I should say. A man walked in and

talked about their husband. He would. He wouldn't pick up on it at all. But

he would get patients occasionally

that were

like that.

There's a very, like, specific type of. Of mental health patient who comes

in and very clearly is miserable because they have a secret that they don't want

to share, or they think it makes them. That there's something wrong with them. And

then when they finally do share it and the boring old white guy across the

desk has no reaction to it, they're like, oh, so this isn't, like, going to

end my life? And you're like, no, this is, like, not a big deal at

all. Like, you're totally fine. And then they never come back. And he would. He

could. It usually with men was that they thought they were gay and they were.

That they were struggling with it. And he could spot that

a mile away. Like, he would get it before anybody I've ever seen. But

somebody could come in, like, a man could come in, like, holding hands with another

man, wearing a pride shirt, and he'd be like, how's your wife?

But anyway, I say that because

I was probably, like, I was probably an early teenager

when somebody asked him if there was a possibility that Pat could be gay.

And of course, at first he was like, no, Pat. Pat's.

Pat dates women. I think he's just a bachelor. And then you could see, like,

it's slowly percolating through as he's like,

I mean, no, no, no, no. What?

I mean, there was this. What? And then all of a sudden, like,

everything Clicked. And he's like, oh, yeah, that

probably makes sense. Yeah. It wasn't like

it was a problem. It was just like, how has it been 50 years? And

I'm just clocking this now. Awesome.

Again, like if it's right in front of him, nothing.

But if it's buried under eight different layers of pathology,

right to it. Anyway,

so we've got a question here. I find myself looking at

people sideways like dogs do when they think people have lost their

minds. I really want to say you're stupid,

but society frowns upon that. My

dog pees on people's legs to stop them from conversing, but I don't think

I could get away with that. What is a way to get through this?

So I think the question is, how do

I not let

it show on my face that I think people are stupid?

And this question makes me laugh a little bit because

one of my very best friends, we always,

I say that she wears her emotions on her face because

you can always tell what she is thinking. And if you are

not, if, if you are not impressing her with your

intellect, there is no question you

can tell. And apparently

my, my sister in law actually posted something I think

on Blue sky and I have not been on socials like at all in a

very long time. But I noticed that she tagged me on something

on Blue sky and apparently my brother had said something to

the effect of I don't understand

how you always know when I'm

unhappy with something. To which she

responded with, have you seen your face?

And then tagged me and said, I'm sure

you can back me up. And I was like, bro's face

has captions. So like, there's no

question that

exactly what he's thinking. So I think there are, first off, there are people who

are just like that. And I'm not gonna tell you what to do with

your face or to not do with your face. I will tell my brother what

to do with his face. I have a couple of suggestions, but that's a different

beast altogether.

I, I think,

I don't, I can't necessarily tell you how to control your inner monologue because I

think your inner monologue is probably great. Based on what your outer

monologue has given us, your inner monologue is probably great.

I will say however, that if you try to replace the

look of pure exasperation with like a look of

curiosity, a look of oh,

interesting, because you are in fact curious

why they appear so unintelligent, like, that's not a

lie, that's not A false emotion. So if you

can work on curiosity rather than judgment.

Thank you. Ted Lasso. It was actually. I

think it's actually Walt Whitman, but we will quote the. The

more recent prophet Ted Lasso.

I just realized that I need to put Ted Lasso shirts on my list of

shirts to make go me. Anyway,

if you can work on curiosity rather than judgment, because

there are things that can make people seem like they are not

being smart that are. That are related to other things.

There could be language barriers. There could be experience barriers. There could be culture barriers.

There could be all sorts of other things. And when you take the time to

break down those things, you find out that maybe this person actually is really smart.

They just haven't been either exposed to these things or they grew up in a

different environment. Our. Our nanny, who is. First off, she's brilliant.

Second off, she is one of my favorite people in the world and very, very

smart. But she grew up in Venezuela, and there are

certain childhood experiences that she did not have.

And she. Because she. She doesn't have an accent, but she will.

She. I think she probably worked pretty hard to get rid of her accent, which

was. I don't know that I recommend. But anyway, she doesn't have an accent. But

when she says this, she always has an accent, and she says, we didn't do

that in my country, I'm like, okay, you're. It's not like you're.

You're coming from, like. Like 1947

Russia. Like, this was the late 90s in Venezuela. But. All right.

But there are some things that. She looks at me like I have 15 heads,

and it's just because she did not have that experience. So

curiosity over judgment is always a good

place to start. I am never gonna tell you what to do with your face.

I'm gonna venture that the faces you make are great, and we probably need,

like, a GIF lineup of them so we can use them as

reactions. In my experience, people who have

caption faces often deserve their own GIF

lineup. So there's a suggestion. Maybe you can monetize that

and just know that, like, sometimes people are gonna blow

you away with either how out of touch they are or how

shockingly unintelligent something sounds. And if you approach

it with curiosity, you might find out that you're wrong, which is a good

outcome. Or you might find out that you are a much more

tolerant person than you thought.