Forgiveness After 40: How Letting Go Heals Your Heart, Body & Faith

Episode Description

Forgiveness after 40 can unlock emotional healing, peace, and renewed faith. In this heartfelt holiday episode, Lesa Koski shares how forgiveness changed her life and helped her release anger, anxiety, and judgment. Through personal stories, faith-based reflection, and practical steps, this episode explores forgiveness as a path to healing—not for others, but for yourself. If you’re navigating divorce, grief, or emotional wounds in midlife, this conversation will help you reconnect with God, reclaim joy, and move forward lighter and freer.

(Primary keyword: forgiveness after 40 — used naturally throughout)

Timestamps

(00:00) Holiday reflections, grief, and why forgiveness matters

(04:15) Lessons learned through chaos and childhood stories

(10:40) Teaching through stories instead of advice

(16:05) Why forgiveness accelerates healing and growth

(20:50) Core wounds, stillness, and listening for God

(27:30) A faith-based practice for forgiveness and release

(35:10) Letting God judge instead of carrying anger

(41:45) Forgiveness, health, and emotional freedom

(48:20) Forgiving without an apology and finding peace

(55:30) Closing reflections and holiday blessing

Key Takeaways

1. Forgiveness is a healing practice that frees you, not the other person
2. Stillness and prayer help create space to hear God clearly
3. You don’t need an apology to forgive and move forward
4. Carrying anger can impact emotional and physical health
5. Forgiveness opens the door to greater joy, peace, and faith

Guest Bio

Lesa Koski is a family law attorney turned mediator, life coach, and host of Doing Life Different. She supports women over 40 navigating divorce, faith, forgiveness, and midlife reinvention with clarity, compassion, and grounded wisdom.

Resource Links

1. Core Wounds Course: JJ Flizanes – https://jjflizanes.com/lesa
2. Sign up for Lesa’s Newsletter: https://enchanting-basil-714.myflodesk.com/qwzridafyj
3. Lesa’s Ebook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G4B2ZY1W?ref=yb_qv_ov_kndl_dp_rw
4. Podcast Episode Mentioned: Andy Bull interview on forgiveness and healing (search within the show archive)
5. Andi Bull's episode: https://player.captivate.fm/episode/e87157ca-599f-4155-9b7e-3d577d1ee81d/
6. Join my Divorce Clarity community!

Tags / Keywords

forgiveness after 40, forgiveness and faith, healing after divorce, midlife forgiveness, emotional healing, Christian forgiveness, letting go of anger, core wounds healing, faith and mindset, women over 40, doing life different

Welcome friends and listeners.

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I am happy as can be that you're

here and it is the holiday week.

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We've got Christmas coming up this

week and I'm so excited and I know

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there are people that get excited

about it and there's a little sadness

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and they, you know, we think about.

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The loved ones we lost, and I wanna

be here for you this week and I

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wanna talk to you about forgiveness.

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So I'm gonna go all into something

I did to help me forgive that.

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I'm still learning, but it

truly did change my life.

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But before I go there, I was kind

of pushed this morning to, to do a

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little more work on my book and I'm

kind of in that editing stage, which,

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oh, I think it might take forever.

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But, um, the story that I was looking

at and kind of the lesson that I

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learned, it's kind of about the things

we learn through the chaos of life.

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Uh, I was reading a story.

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From my childhood and I thought, oh,

this is so interesting because I was

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always this person that wanted to

tell you how to do something, or my

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friends or my family, like I just

wanted you to know what I learned.

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And I wanted to really

like, share it with you.

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And then, you know, we all know that

can be a little bit annoying, like if

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you are eating a buttercup or a scone

and I start to tell you about sugar and

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carbohydrates and metabolic fitness.

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So it's hard.

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It's a, it's a hard, um, thing to.

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Sort out and to juggle so that people,

so that I can share what I've learned,

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but not inundate you with the lessons.

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So sometimes stories help.

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So this is cute.

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This is from my childhood.

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I will never forget my brother, my

big brother Dave, had a Honda 70,

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and I thought it looked so cool.

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I don't know how old I was, maybe

nine or maybe not even nine.

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And my dad had a motorcycle and,

and they were, but we had all these

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trails to go dirt biking in our,

our house in Afton, Minnesota.

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It's a great place to grow up.

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And so my brother, my big brother,

was gonna upgrade to a new Kawasaki,

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something that was bigger and faster.

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And I'm like, I want the Honda 70.

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I want it.

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Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I

think I had a banana seat bike

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that you pushed back on the brakes.

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We get to the top of this big hill in

the gravel yard and that's where they

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set me on this Honda 70 Brother Dad.

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Go screaming down the hill.

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Nobody tells me anything about

hand brakes, about clutches.

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I take off down the hill and crashed.

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Now, thankfully, no one was hurt.

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Right?

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But I had no idea.

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I had no idea.

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I just went screaming down

that hill and nobody told me.

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I thought maybe I'd push back on

something and the brake would work.

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It was just like fly by the

seat of your pants and learn.

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And you know what?

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That is one way to learn.

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Right.

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And then I compare that to my mom

who like would teach me, we had that

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comet, you know, for your sinks.

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There wasn't that soft scrub.

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And she'd, she'd say, you gotta

put a little elbow grease into it.

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Or like, if we were washing the car

or something and she'd like, show me.

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She'd show me step by step how to do it

not as exciting and not as not so scary.

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So I started thinking about my life and

how, and I don't wanna be stereotypical

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because it could be different, and

I think I see it different in my

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children where maybe my son might

be a little bit more safe and his

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wife might be a little more daring.

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So I'm not saying that, but in my

family, like I remember my hubby, um.

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You know, like I'd be racing along the

bike and he'd shove 'em and go, they'll

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fi they're, they'll figure it out, you

know, and he'd push him on the bike.

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And then one time we were in this,

the grocery store and we had my

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little jack who kind of was a

mama's boy and wanted to be by me.

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So I was always really

careful that he wasn't afraid.

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And he always knew that I was near him.

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Well then my, he was

with my hubby and I was.

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Like running around.

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I think we were actually in a target,

and all of a sudden I see my husband down

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one aisle and Jack's alone in an aisle.

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And I'm like, what are you doing?

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He's gonna be terrified because he

did, he was looking at something, he

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didn't realize his, his dad was gone.

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And him, my husband said, well, I figured

that's good for him to get a little scared

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and know that I'm around the corner.

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And I was like, oh.

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So different styles, right?

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Different styles.

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Still learning.

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Still doing the learning.

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And so what I thought when I saw

that story today, I was like, and

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was trying to fit it into my book.

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I was like, okay, that's how I

wanna teach somewhere in the middle.

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I wanna share with you what I've

learned through my heart, things

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so that you can move forward.

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I don't want you to go screaming

down the hill with nothing.

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And yet, I don't wanna be so annoyingly

telling you what to do either.

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So I wanna just hold your hand and

what I want you to know is if you are

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like 40 and above and thinking about

divorce or going through something hard,

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like divorce, I now have a community

of women that's starting in January.

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It's only $47 a month, and you

get to meet with me for one

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hour and be in a safe community.

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That where we talk through

you, we talk through mindset.

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It's gonna be a positive setting.

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We learn, um, I do coaching.

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You can ask me little questions,

I can give you legal information.

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I never give legal advice and it's

not therapy, but it's there for you.

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And I just wanted to offer that

to help women, um, who are going

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through something hard like divorce.

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My heart wasn't.

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Divorce.

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I know.

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Divorce well, because I've worked in it.

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My heart, of course, if you've listened

to this podcast, was not, not the divorce,

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but there were other really hard things.

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So that's my, that is just

a little gift to you to tell

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you how I want to teach you.

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Send me a note and let me know

if I'm doing it right or if I'm

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being annoying, because what I want

to share today is so important.

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I see it all around me and it's about

forgiveness and um, it's so interesting

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how me going through something hard made,

it was a good thing to go through because

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it made me wanna grow and it made, it

really turned up the speed on my growth.

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And part of that growth is I

wanna feel more joy and part

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of being able to feel more joy.

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Was me being able to forgive.

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And isn't it interesting because I'm

not, I don't have this down pat, but I

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want you to know that I am learning and

I wanna walk you through how I did it.

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I, you know, I'm a Christian and so

this, when I talk, I talk about God, and

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so I just want you to be aware of that.

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I think it can help you, you

know, no matter what you believe.

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So this is how I learned to

forgive and it took going through

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like what are my core wounds?

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And just so you know, JJ

Zain has a great course.

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It's in my show notes.

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If you have core wounds that need

healing, it's a great place to start.

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That's where I started.

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But you have these wounds that hurt you.

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And what I learned was I needed

to sit down and be quiet.

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And I talk about stillness all

the time because stillness has

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taught me an immense amount.

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So I sit and I'd be quiet, and then

I bring myself to a moment, a spot.

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You know, a moment in time, a

place where I felt tremendous love.

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Sometimes I just, like, if I'm one

of 'em is in my garden and I will

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just, the sun is shining on me and

I'm on my bench and I feel God's love.

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A lot of times it's holding a baby.

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You know, it can be your wedding day.

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It can, it can be all those things.

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I want you to go there and

I want you to be there.

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And feel it.

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And then you go, okay,

where is God in this?

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That is the way that I have learned

how to connect with God if I wanna

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hear him, if I'm on, you know, if I

just, and if I wanna thank him for

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things, that's my best place to connect.

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And I, I don't know if it's meditation,

I need to start doing that too.

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We'll talk about that another

time, but that's where I go.

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So when I had to forgive someone.

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What I learned is I had to sit

with God and I had to tell God all

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the things they did wrong to me.

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I had to say.

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You know, this was wrong and they, and

this person did this to me and this was

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wrong, and this person did this to me.

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And you know, it's funny friends,

how sometimes, um, like it's hard.

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Like you don't want to, like,

you feel like you're ratting out

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someone, and it could be someone

that you really care about that.

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That screwed you up.

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But what I want you to remember

is you have to say it and

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you have to give it to God.

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You wanna know why?

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'cause God loves that person.

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God loves that person.

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So that in itself was a weird thing.

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Kind of uncomfortable.

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Try it and let me know how it was for you.

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It was kind of hard to

say the wrong things.

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I don't know if I'm fighting,

like I don't wanna be a victim.

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I don't wanna go there.

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Go there, go there once, go there

once, tell God what they did and

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then I handed it over to him.

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And I said, okay, you are

the god of this universe.

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I hand this to you to judge.

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It's up.

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It's God, it's up to him.

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It's his, it's none of my

business how he handles it.

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If he disciplines, whatever it is,

I hand it off to him and I know

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that he's a loving father, and

so that whatever happens, I don't

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have to be afraid for that person.

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I don't know if I'm doing this justice,

but doing that for something really big

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in my life that hurt me, redeemed me.

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Giving it to God changed my life.

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The anger went away and, and in this

situation, the person's still in my life.

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Sometimes that isn't always the case.

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Sometimes it could be someone who's passed

and you still need that forgiveness.

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I know.

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Um, I had a good friend, Andy

Bull, and you can go back

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and listen to that podcast.

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She's amazing.

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Um, she's an author and she

wrote about her father and

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abuse, and I'm gonna, I'll put.

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That in the podcast notes too, so

you can go listen to it if you want.

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But she explained kind of in the

beginning of the book how she

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learned how to forgive her father

for, I don't know if he exactly.

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Did the abuse or if he didn't protect

her from it, if he knew about it and

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didn't protect, I can't remember for

sure, but she said that she had done

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the work and forgave him, and she did on

his deathbed, they were United reunited

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and he told her that he was sorry.

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And she said it was so interesting

because she said, I didn't need

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him to say he was sorry anymore.

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And that's the thing

that's so healing you guys.

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That's what can heal our bodies.

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Like when I see someone who's going

through something where they're

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carrying a lot of anger because

someone did something wrong to 'em,

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and people do things that are wrong.

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I've hurt people, I've hurt my

husband, I've hurt my children,

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and I need to be forgiven.

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And they, and it, and the

thing is, is if you carry that.

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It really, truly can cause cancers

and, and it can cause autoimmune

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issues, heart issues, like it is

something that we want to be able to

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forgive, not for the other person as

kind of has nothing to do with them.

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It's for your own wellbeing

and healing and joy.

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And so Andy explained that to me.

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That was kind of the first light bulb mo

moment where she said, when she realized.

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That she didn't need her dad to say

he was sorry because she had already

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worked through all of it and forgiven

him before he said he was sorry.

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And I think when I was younger,

I'd be like, well, they have to

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say they're sorry to be forgiven.

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No, that's not true because it's for you.

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So I just want you to know it has changed

my life and I'm not perfect at it.

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I'm still really working on it.

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And, um.

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What I will do is throughout the

day and even the, the judging

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thing, ugh, I'm horrible at that.

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I judge myself and others, and so now

anytime I get a little worry or anxiety

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or I think, oh, that wasn't right, that

that person did that, I say a little

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prayer for 'em and I hand it over to God.

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I mean, I'm not doing it all

the time, but I'm working on it.

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I'm trying to.

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My life keeps getting better, folks.

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My life keeps getting better, and

that is not a lie, and that is

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why I have shared this with you.

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So if there is someone in your

life, if there is a hurt in your

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heart, first of all, from way back

in, you don't even know what it is.

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Do that core wounds course with JJ Zaine.

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Figure out what it is.

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Look at who you need to forgive and

get to your special spot with God and

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hand it over to the God of the universe

because he is the one who is able.

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Judge, he is the one

who should be doing it.

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It's not up to us.

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And you can hand it over.

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You say out loud what they did

to you, hand it over and move on.

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And just watch the redemption.

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Watch how it changes your life.

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I can't wait.

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Please just like, let me know.

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Send me notes, send me emails, let me

know, um, how it's changed your life.

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So.

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Thank you so much for being here.

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Have a very blessed holiday, and I just

hope it's filled with joy and gratitude

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and maybe a little bit of forgiveness.

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God bless.

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I.