038: “Go to the cloud.” Mindset training for high stress occupations and environments with Dr. Jannell MacAulay

Artwork for podcast Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth

Episode 15 • 11th May 2020 • Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth • Jen Amos

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories. So military spouses can continue to make confident and informed decisions for their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen amis, a Goldstar, daughter of veterans spouse, and your host for today's show. Let's get started.

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of holding down the fort. Really excited for this next interview. But before I do, I have announcements as always. So I am really excited because holding down the for almost one year later, now officially has a newsletter. Similar to the podcast show, this newsletter will be curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories from the guests that we had interviewed in the past. So you can continue to make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. This is my thank you to the people who have been on our show in the past, and sometimes one interview isn't enough. And so if you are interested in gaining more of these resources from people we have interviewed on this show, please subscribe to that newsletter, you can subscribe in the show notes of this episode, or you can visit holding down the for podcast.com. Now the show would not be possible. If it wasn't for the company, I am so proud to represent us that wealth. While most financial advisors help you plan for retirement. We help you the military family member and the military service member. Take control of your finances today, to create the flexibility you need for who you want to become or are becoming. You can also learn more about my husband who founded us vet wealth and myself by checking out the first few episodes of season two here at holding down the for podcast. Given these very interesting times. US bet wealth is offering a ton of free resources. Right now. One of the first resources that we're giving for free are our weekly action classes, where you'll get a chance to network with like minded professionals, and learn actionable lessons you can implement right away or not, you could just hang out and get to know the people that I'm so proud to work with. And just anyone else who chooses to be a part of these free action classes. Every week, we learn from bestselling authors covering topics regarding identity, self development, or financial control. Learn more about our free action classes at us that wealth.com. Now this next free resource is also pretty awesome. I think this has probably been our most popular resource so far. And that is our LinkedIn 30 Day Challenge. Now, given these times, I think a lot of people are looking inward and doing a lot of self reflecting and wondering what their next career move will be or what their next business will be. Or you're maybe interested in learning how to continue growing your business online? Well, my husband, Scott R. Tucker is known for his LinkedIn teachings and being a model of what LinkedIn really is today. And he's decided to start over on LinkedIn for 30 days and show you how he would redo LinkedIn if he were to actually start over and he's going to do that through creating a completely new different account and showing you how it's done. So if you are interested in amping up your LinkedIn game, or you're looking to start over, or you're looking to get on LinkedIn, I highly encourage that you check out this free LinkedIn 30 Day Challenge. Slash masterclass. I think we're calling it a masterclass. You can learn more at us but wealth.com forward slash LinkedIn. Wow, look at that free newsletter with free resources, free action classes, free 30 Day LinkedIn challenge. Please take advantage of our free stuff all brought to you by us but wealth, you won't regret it. You're welcome. All right. With that said, thank you so much for indulging me in my announcements. All right. And now the moment you've all been waiting for. Our next guest is Dr. Janelle McCauley. Dr. Janelle McCauley is a combat veteran who served 20 years in the US Air Force as a pilot commander, Special Operations consultant, and professionalism instructor with her innovative leadership style. She was the first leader to introduce mindfulness as a proactive performance strategy within the US military. She continues to consult within the DOD, DOJ and corporate and Erricka delivering keynotes and a high performance warrior mindset training program called warriors edge, which she developed with Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks and Dr. Michael Gervase. She has a TEDx speaker and a mother of two, who is on a mission to help individuals excel in high stress and rugged environments. By showing them how to lean into each moment to find their best selves. Be sure to check out her TEDx talk in our show notes. I bet you're gonna love it. As much as you're gonna love this interview. Enjoy it

awesome. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of holding down the fort. I'm your host, Jen Amos. And I am really excited because every time I get to do another interview, it means that I get to interview another incredible person in our community. Today, I'm really excited to be speaking with Dr. Janelle McCauley. Janelle, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 6:02

Thank you so much for having me, Jen. I'm really excited to be here with you.

Jen Amos 6:06

Yeah, I'm very excited. It's always exciting when I get to talk to a TEDx speaker. So for people that are getting to know you, for the first time, Janelle, why don't you share what a typical day looks like for you nowadays, especially given our current circumstances?

Speaker 1 6:21

Right? Well, coming from a background of spending the last 20 plus years in a very regimented organization like the military, I now that I'm retired, and work independently for myself, have kind of, you know, embrace two things. And that's time and the flexibility with my schedule. And so that's kind of new for me as a new retiree, from the military. But and especially with the COVID-19 crisis that's going on in school at home happening in my home, I've got a seven year old first grader and a 13 year old seventh grader, with me, things have changed. But the two aspects of my life that I've, you know, worked hard to create for myself, and this kind of second act, I guess, you would say, is that flexibility and the ability to kind of manage my time a little bit better. So yeah, so like a typical day, you know, I used to try to do this thing. And this is what I used to teach people to is like, when you're at work, be at work, when you're at home, be at home, right, and how you build mental skills to really embrace that type of philosophy, because it is challenging. But now we all live in a world where our work and our home are completely integrated. So it's a little bit more difficult. But what I found to be, as you know, like, just easier in my life is to still have that type of premise. And so I set certain hours of the day where I do things like podcasts, or writing or answering my emails, and then other portions of the day where I'm helping my kids with their schoolwork, or doing, you know, outdoor activities and our kind of daily oxygen is I will hashtag oxygen, as I call it. So that's kind of so I can kind of just be where my feet are planted. And I think that that's especially important with the current crisis we're all dealing with.

Jen Amos 8:07

Yeah, absolutely. So Janelle, you had mentioned that you are recently retired, how long ago? Did you retire from the military?

Unknown Speaker 8:15

So it's been about a year and a half? Gosh, actually,

Jen Amos 8:17

wow,

Speaker 1 8:18

the two years now that I've been retired, wow, time flies. But yeah, so I, you know, work independently Now, part of what I did in the military was a combat pilot, when the C 130, KC 10, and C 21. Learjet, I also was a military spouse, my husband is actually still active duty right now. And were stationed at Hill Air Force Base in Utah. And I also was very grateful for my opportunities in the military to go and get my PhD. So I kind of studied, as you might have learned, in the TED talk, right, studied what was so difficult in my life, and that was managing success and finding joy. And that's really where I dove into the research and realized they don't train us like we don't have formalized mental training programs, in most high stress occupations. And not only does everybody need it, it's a universal thing, I think, because everybody has stress and overwhelm and anxiety in their life. But especially those people who operate on the frontlines where lives are on the line, and, you know, split second decisions are required. And so that's kind of been my mission post military is to continue to educate, and train and help individuals who operate in high stress environments understand the benefits of mindset training.

Jen Amos 9:39

Yeah, I think it's really awesome that you focus on that because I can imagine I mean, it's not a surprise that mental illness is an issue, post military life for a lot of people and for a lot of our veterans, and I imagine it's because they didn't have that mental training program that you're talking about. It's like you have to make all these split decisions for such a long time and And before you know it, you're out and you're like, okay, like, I don't have to make split decisions, I don't have to, you know, follow any orders, I don't have to like, I just feel like when you're when you're out, it's like you can finally breathe. But if you don't have the, like the proper training or the proper education to work through it, no wonder that the statistics for you know, suicide, or depression is really high in the veteran community.

: 10:22

Right, you hit the nail on the head right there. When you said, when you get out of the military, you can finally breathe, part of the problem is that we are never taught to be comfortable slowing down and breathing, right? Like the military trains you and teaches you to be, you know, high stress to be and to be dominant when you're in those stressful and rugged environments and situations. You know, if you think about, and I'll geek out a little bit on the science of physiology, but our nervous system is separated into the parasympathetic and the sympathetic system, right? The sympathetic is that fight or flight engagement, our stress response, right, how we are reacting or responding to the stimulus or stimuli in our environment. And then the parasympathetic is that rest, digest, restore recover space, and we get trained from day one in the military. And I think this extends to the families, right, like they experienced this as well, that you know, this military life of uncertainty and high risk and high stress, and you get very comfortable in that space. And so we never have the corresponding training and exercising of the parasympathetic system, to realize it's okay to slow down, there are benefits and slowing down, we need to slow down and recover. So I think that's one aspect that many veterans and family members struggle with when they leave the military is that they don't have a corresponding training and the parasympathetic, and then the tools to help them achieve the right type of deregulation. And, you know, I think the other piece is the identity bit, you know, you get in the military thrown into a uniform, you get a career field, you get this craft and job that you become exceptionally well at and very good at, and it becomes your identity. And so you take off the uniform, and many people don't know who they are without their uniform in their tribe. So that's another aspect of mental skills training, not only the learning more about your parasympathetic system through techniques like mindfulness, and various mental skills, but the aspect of really self discovery and knowing who you are without the uniform on.

Jen Amos: 12:36

Hmm. Wow, everything you said is so validating Janelle. And even though I had never served, I was a military child, from birth till about 10. When we lost my dad, and every two to three years, we would move and it's interesting how you say, like, what you said about like, it's okay to slow down, it's okay to relax. Like, for me, I feel like most of my life, I'm 32. Now, I feel like my life had always started over almost every three to five years. And even if it didn't have to, in my mind, I felt like it had to. And so I feel like I'm at a place now fortunately, you know, thanks to therapy and a good community of support with my family and loved ones, like I've learned to finally be like, Okay, I can grow some roots now. And like, I don't have to start over. But it took a really long time for me to get to that place. And I had to find it on my own, I had to seek that kind of help to be like, okay, like, you don't have to keep packing your bags and moving like every three to five years. So I appreciate you saying that, and really acknowledging that mental training is not necessarily provided in high stress places such as the military, whether it's for the service member or even for the families.

: 13:43

Exactly. And it's so vitally important. You know, if you look at the scientific research, and also the evidence based practices of individuals or organizations that are able to hide perform in those spaces, they spend just as much time and that recovery and mental skills space as they do, becoming an expert at whatever their job or their craft is, you know, in this space of psychology and performance, we've learned that you can train three things as a human being your body, your craft in your mind. And most of us understand the importance of the craft and jobs, specific skill sets, most of us understand the importance of training your body and doing those physical push ups to make yourself strong. But it's really difficult. I think, in today's day, with how fast we're all about just doing doing doing and accomplishing more and staying busy. Like we don't really see that value in stepping back, the recovery space, the mental push ups that are needed to build the mental strength to do our jobs and also just to thrive in life. So anyway, but I could go on a tangent about this. I'm obviously very passionate about it because it's just been, you know, something that I think we need so much in society today. We have this world of I call it competitive stuff. For us, this pandemic has hopefully made people step back and reflect on is, Why were we so busy? Like, why am I scheduling myself? Why was I over scheduling my child and what you was that bringing to my life?

Jen Amos: 15:15

I think that's so true. And it reminds me of one of my girlfriends who recently told me at the start of this pandemic, that she was so uncomfortable being at home, because she realized that she found validation in being productive and being praised for it. And so I'm wondering if that's what a lot of us may be struggling with is like, oh, like, that was my identity, like being busy was my identity.

: 15:38

Exactly. I think that's what a lot of people are struggling with right now. Because we our definition of busyness or our definition of value and self worth, we're, you know, tied together. And, I mean, I had to learn that when I retired from the military to like, I distinctly remember, you know, I used to wear a fight suit, and as a female on a flight suit, like, there's identity to that. And there's a little bit of kind of what your friend was saying, like validation and who you are and what you do and how it's important. And, you know, once I took off that uniform, and I remember going to one of the first school events with my kids and just in civilian clothing, and, you know, it was a shock to me, just to kind of like, sit back and think, Wait a minute, like, I don't have that identity anymore, like who am I without it. And it was scary for a second until I realized what I've done and committed to the deep work that's required to figure out who I am. And what makes me me without the uniform without like success or without some type of value having to be tied to what I'm accomplishing out in the open for everyone to see. That takes some real, like deep mindset training and work to get yourself to that place that because a lot of times our society makes us feel like we need those external validations to feel good about ourselves and what we're doing.

Jen Amos: 17:04

Absolutely. Well, why don't we go back to two years ago, Janelle, when are almost a year and a half to two years ago, when you're about to retire. And it sounds like Fortunately, you were able to you know, study your PhD while you were still active, and be able to study this mindfulness. But let's like backtrack to like when you knew that you needed to study mindfulness, like when did it click for you that you had to get into this, it really was

: 17:29

out of self necessity, I was at a point in my life. And I kind of described this in my TED talk, and it is 100% true, I had lost my perspective on, you know, what my relationships meant, what my self worth was, I forgot how to laugh. I couldn't focus on anything but being perfect every time and I think many people can probably relate to this, right? Like we have a goal or something, we're, we're trying to accomplish a project, we're working on a big task, a school event, right? A degree we're working on. And the whole time you just keep telling yourself, as soon as I accomplish this, I'll finally take care of myself, or I'll finally pay attention to my kids or all finally, you know, do the things I know I need to be doing for myself. But then what happens is you achieve that goal. And then there's one other goal right behind it that your mind starts focusing in on and then you tell yourself that same exact story again, well, as soon as I'm done with this, then I'll do those things. And in the meantime, you know, your life is just passing you by and all you see is the stress and the hard work. And the laboring and, you know, these big rocks in front of you that you don't see the moments of joy, the moments of love the moments of laughter. And for me, I was mind wandering through too much of my life. And it was showing up externally to everyone else that I was super successful, and that I had it all going on. But internally, I was really struggling and I was miserable. And I lacked, you know, joy and like real joy for what I was doing. And so that was where I actually the timing in my career was when the Air Force sent me back to school. And so when I was getting my PhD, and they asked, well, what problem do you want to solve? That was kind of, I was like, why can't I be a mom and a spouse and a kick ass pilot and a third, and be happy? Like, why do these be mutually exclusive choices? And so when I finally figured out through the research, oh my gosh, it all has to do with my mindset and how I'm shaping how I see the world how um, you know, stress really is a perceived emotion. Wow. I say that to people and I know sometimes you know, I have to say it twice for effect because people are like, wait a minute, I have control over my stress because it does not seem that way. And that is how powerful our minds are at taking us into the space of mental time travel of creating these cognitive elaborations, which are the inner dialogue and stories you tell yourself, and they are so powerful, we feel like we can't control it, we feel like, this is my stress, this is my life, there's nothing I can do about it. And so I teach people, I'm not going to take away your stress, I just hope you see it in a different way. You know, because stress is really like how you see your external environment, how you're interacting with it, do you make emotional decisions based on the stories you tell yourself? Or are you making rational ones, based on living in the present moment, and having a full perspective of, you know, I say, like your attention systems, like a flashlight, laser focused at whatever is most prominent in your conscious experience. But it can also be laser focused at your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. And the more you can get your attention system focused externally, in the moment, and release the thoughts and stories that tend to have that control over you, the more you'll be able to rationally respond to stress and adversity and challenges in your environment, versus emotionally overreacting to them, when, you know, you immediately let your attention system turn inward toward those stories and elaborations.

Jen Amos: 21:30

off that's so powerful, I feel like I have to say it again, because I wrote it down. So stress is a perceived emotion. And I, that's just so powerful. Like, I'm going to sit with that for a while. Because I think about you know, like with my husband, so he's an army officer vet at West Point grad. And we, you know, we work in business together today. And I feel like you mentioned this a little earlier, he's always saying like, Oh, I'll take care of myself when you know, we reach a certain level of success, like in our business, like, it's always about, like the next thing. And I'm here thinking like, it doesn't have to be that way. And when I get stressed in my head, and in the moment being around him, I think like, you know, what, I've learned to realize that the only person that stress is really affecting is me, and then someone else like, you know, as a byproduct of it, if I let it out. And so really just, I like how you say, you know, I can't get rid of your stress, but you know, maybe I can help you look at it differently. I think it's so powerful and so true that we think that we can't control that feeling of stress,

: 22:27

right, and people who tend to have, you know, higher levels of anxiety, it can seem all encompassing and very overwhelming. And those moments I tend to be, you know, it's just my own experiences in the military. And, you know, I tend to be an anxious person. And so I realized the power in that anxiety, right to kind of like drive, how you're feeling how you're reacting. And I still have my moments, believe me with my two small children, right? Like any mom would in any professional, you know, would, but the thing about it is with the skill of mindfulness, what it's helped me create and cultivate is awareness. And so before in my life when something would upset me, or I'd get some type of stimuli, right, that would come at me from all directions, right? And it was, I feel overwhelmed. Like, I can't handle this moment, right, this moment is too big for me. And immediately an emotional response, or an emotional reaction would come out where I would if I was in the car, maybe I yell at the car in front of me or I honk my horn, or, you know, if I was in a different moment, maybe I have kind of a an emotional breakdown, tears come out or a yellow child or whatever it is. But almost immediately afterward, I would feel regret. Because I was feeling out of control in that moment when those things would happen. And now I still get those feelings, right. Like I still sometimes feel overwhelmed. I still sometimes feel like I want to yell at my kid for whatever it was the big thing is, is that because I've done the work with mindfulness, and I continue to practice it, because it's not just this one shot panacea, and now all of a sudden, I'm a emotionally regulated person. Yeah, you have to work at it. But the more I practice it, the more when I'm in those stressful moments, I catch myself, right and I catch myself and I can change my thought patterns from that emotional reactivity to a more rational place. And so I can bring myself to the present moment a lot quicker instead of letting the stories inside my head, tell me about the catastrophes that are coming right? I like to tell people, that the majority of the catastrophes you will experience in your life will only happen inside your head. They will only happen inside your head they will feel so real though, like that is the power of the mind. So having the ability and a skill set that helps you train that awareness, I think It has been the most beneficial for me as a military member who's dealing with the things of the psychological and emotional trauma of my experiences, as well as someone who has high anxiety.

Jen Amos: 25:11

Yeah, absolutely. Obviously, this would take a lot of training and a lot of work for us to get to this place of self awareness and mindfulness. But for people that do that are maybe in that shock state, and I'm just thinking about how, even for myself, I had recently experienced, like being shocked in front of someone and not knowing how to work through it, or not knowing what to say in that moment, or how to become present. What is like one thing that you can say, or one thing that you can tell yourself, or one thing you can do to get out of that state initially, like we said, obviously, it takes a lot of work to get there. But what is one thing people can do today, if they do experience that, you know, level of shock, and they want to get back to, you know, mindfulness and awareness and being present?

: 25:57

I think the best place to start is with this idea. And this is actually as a leader in the military, I use this to kind of introduce the concept of mindfulness to the members of my unit, we coined this phrase, and we called it go to the cloud. And what that meant was, we all know kind of those physiological stress symptoms, we get sweaty palms, right, the heart starts racing, we have butterflies in our stomach, most of us don't necessarily tie awareness and recognition to it. And so the first thing is to bring an awareness of those physiological sensations that you're going to experience. And then when you feel those sensations to start triggering your mind into this, like repetitive pattern of go to the cloud, right, I feel that sensation, I should think to myself, go to the cloud. And what that means is take a step back, take two deep breaths, and then try to rationally respond to whatever caused and created that uptick in sensations. Obviously, starting a mindfulness practice building on that and doing what I would call mental push ups, right to build the mental strength to build the awareness is the goal. But if you can't get there yet, at least tying the awareness of the sensations with a trigger, like go to the cloud, will help you in those intense moments, at least remember, hey, I have something that's free and always with me, and it's called my breath. And I use that to help kind of calm myself down, because here's the thing about our breath, if you think back to, you know, our primitive brain, and I like to say we have an ancient brain living in a modern world. But if you think back to the primitive brain, what it was designed for is, you know, we have to run from a saber toothed Tiger. And so the fight or flight response is triggered, right? All of the blood rushes to the large organs and muscle groups that we can run away from the threat, right or fight it, if that's what we're doing, right fight or flight. And what happens when we're finally safe, is what's built into that mechanism is a deep exhale, right? As soon as you run away from this tiger, you're finally in a safe situation, the first thing humans would do is go.

Jen Amos: 28:14

Yeah,

: 28:16

right. And that would trigger to themselves, you are in a safe space, now you can calm down. Wow. So that same mechanism still lies within our physiology. And so it's just accessing that. And maybe we're not running from a saber toothed Tiger, maybe we just got an email from our boss or from a co worker that is upsetting us, or maybe a driver just cut us off in traffic. But it's the same mechanism, knowing that you can rely on a deep inhale and exhale to trigger that calm, right just gives really resets your mindset to be in the present moment.

Jen Amos: 28:51

Wow, that is all powerful stuff. And I love how you explain all of this in a very scientific way. It really validates. To me, it really like affirms like, okay, mindfulness is really important. And I appreciate you sharing that phrase, go to the cloud. I think that's something that I'll even think about now, when I'm in those type of situations. Awesome. I love it. Yeah. So you know, holding on to for is really geared toward, of course, we have listeners from all walks of life involved with the military community. But I personally like to when I do this show, I like to believe that I'm speaking directly to active duty military spouses or military spouses all around. And so in your TED talk, I think this is a really great way to wrap up our conversation, but you said something really powerful toward the end, not to do a spoiler alert, or spoiler alert for everyone. But it really involves your relationship with your kids. And you know, going back to where we're at with the pandemic right now, and even just, you know, spouses in general, a lot of them do play the matriarch role of, you know, being stay at home and watching the kids. And it can be really stressful and you could really struggle with sense of identity or feeling like you're, you know, doing enough for your kids. So, the quote at the end of your headaches that really resonated with me is this, I'm just going to read it. And I want to step just have a little discussion about it. So you said that, I want to give them the drive. And this is talking about you being a mother of two, I want to give them the drive to labor and work hard. But I also want them to understand how mindfulness can help them live in the present. Because that's where the laughing, loving and learning occurs. Now, I don't know about you, but when I was like, I don't know if I really fully understood mindfulness. So why don't we talk a little bit about that, and how you like to practice that at home with your kids and your family?

: 30:32

Yes, both of my kids are very well versed in mindfulness point. In fact, here's the thing that really I think gets to the heart of what I was trying to say with that quote is, you know, I try to model the behaviors. For my kids, I try to, you know, create habit patterns, so that they're going to build a foundation for the stress and the competitiveness and the busyness and all those things that life is gonna throw at them. But hopefully, with my behaviors myself, I'm hopefully instilling in them this foundation to help them navigate that adversity in the future. And what I found even with my kids is that, like I mentioned earlier, I lose it sometimes, right? I am. Nobody should ever expect to be that's my other thing that I talked to military spouses about all the time is that self forgiveness and compassion go a huge and very long way for us, because we're all doing our best. But, you know, like, I'll be in traffic and say something or get all upset, and my son will be in the back. And he'll say, mom to deep breaths today. Oh, I love that. Yes, I mean, even when he was like four or five years old, he would say that to me, because, you know, I've said that to him, you know, and so then he's like, Oh, Mom's getting, you know, anxious and emotional, like, or sometimes even now, my daughter, she'll, like, Come, like, if she notices that I'm getting stressed out, like, she'll come over. And she'll just look, you know, kind of, like, stop me and look me in the in the eyes and say, Let's take two deep breaths together, right. And so we take our two deep breaths together. And so I just find that the more you educate and teach your kids about these things, the more as a family dynamic, you'll be able to help each other, you'll be able to kind of like, grow and build that strong foundation. You know, we go on hikes, and we live in Utah. So we do a lot of outdoors activities. And we always talk about taking deep breaths, we talk about being in the moment, the way our kids learn anxiety, and busyness is through us, right. And we always tell them, like Hurry up, put your shoes on, hurry up, stop looking at the butterflies stop counting the, you know, frogs in the pond, like we got to get moving. Right. And so I think my increased awareness helps me realize when I'm doing that to them. And I want to make sure that I mean, there's obviously times that we have to rush and we're doing things but when I can, I do want to create the environment where they realize it is about being in the present moment, it is about finding the joy in the journey, not just getting to the outcome. Right? Like, my daughter plays sports. Lacrosse is his her her sport of choice. But I don't want to her to be so focused on I have to win games, or I have to score goals I want her to be focused on. I want to have fun and enjoy the process of learning and getting better and improving. And so it's about the messaging you use with your children. It's about you know, the forgiveness and compassion you demonstrate for yourself and for your family.

Jen Amos: 33:43

Oh, wow. I just think that's all so beautiful and so powerful. And it sounds like you are an incredible mother and role model to your kids. And even you know to yourself, you noticed me understanding that you need to take care of yourself first and be that example for your kids. And really just practicing presence. I mean, I think about my own upbringing and how it was constantly go go go or not even just explaining what was happening in the moment. And so I felt victim to just being dependent on wherever the military would take us. And, you know, just not getting that kind of emotional support or presence that I needed to be like, okay, everything's okay. Like you were doing this for a good reason. And you know, so that I didn't have to deal with it like later in life. But anyway, here I am dealing with it later in life. And I really appreciate it our conversation today. Janelle I think even for me, it was much needed to be reminded to practice mindfulness and to breathe. And yeah, I just I really appreciate our conversation today. And I thank you so much. For people that want to learn more about you and even connect with you, Janelle, how can they do that? How can they find you online?

: 34:46

I'm actually on all of the social media platforms, so Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. So if anyone wants to reach out to me in any of those platforms, I would love to connect with them. I try To try to post things that are either thought provoking in the space of human performance or connection, mindfulness, a new research that comes out as well, I also do talk about nutrition and sleep. And physical activity, as my entire PhD and background was in all aspects of human performance. However, where I found people have the most need is in the mindset and mental exercise space. But yeah, so all of those formats, obviously, the TED talk is a great place to start just to give a little bit of perspective of who I am. And really, my journey and hopefully, especially other military spouses, will completely be able to relate in my story and trying to like juggle and manage. And the last thing I will kind of say to your listeners here is that one thing that I have also learned is to give up on the word balance. And to let it go right, like balance is an unrealistic expectation, because it, it makes you feel like you have to have equal parts. And the reality of life is that you will never have equal parts of work and family, you will never have equal parts of like joy and laboring and hard work, right, like, they're not going to be equal. And so when you try to balance it, you're setting yourself up for inevitable failure, which then, you know, builds that cognitive elaboration those stories about how you're not good enough, or you're not, you know, doing a good job as a mom or professional. And so instead, I've embraced this idea of harmony. So there are things that are important to me. And that's laughing and loving and learning and leading and laboring and working hard. And so I try to harmonize those things. And so maybe one day I do a little bit more in the hard working space, because it's you know, I'm working on a specific project. And then maybe the next day, I'm doing more in the laughter and loving piece and spending a lot more time with my family. You want the aggregate right to just kind of find your perfect kind of harmony have a mixture of those things, and it's individual for everybody. But I just it releasing the word balance. embracing the idea of harmony, I think has been very helpful for me, especially as a military spouse.

Jen Amos: 37:12

Beautiful. mindfulness, awareness, harmony. Beautiful words. And once again, Janelle, I just want to thank you so much for your time, it's been an honor speaking with you today and learning from you. And I hope that our listeners will reach out to you and at least, you know, watch your TEDx and know that what they're going through is completely normal. It's completely okay. And you don't have to live a balanced life. It's a myth. It's absolutely a myth. And everything so awesome. I was gonna ask if you had any closing thoughts, but you already did it for me. So thank you for that.

: 37:45

You're very welcome. Yeah, you know, one other thing I'll throw out there is I do have a partnership with Pete Carroll, the coach of the Seahawks and Dr. Michael Gervais, who's a sports psychologist. And we built an online course that's actually available. It's designed specifically for people who operate in high stress environments. And I know military spouses can definitely fall into that category. And we have that available. It's eight hours of content. And it teaches you mindset, high performance mindset training skills. So if anyone's interested in that program, we're offering a special right now a highly discounted rate for people that are at home and learn, you know, interested in kind of learning how to better themselves. It's called warriors edge. So I can also send you that link, and you can have it available to folks.

Jen Amos: 38:28

Yes, please. We will definitely include everything in the show notes, your contact information website, the program, your TEDx, video, it all be in the show notes. Janelle, thank you again, so much for time. It's been an absolute pleasure speaking with you.

: 38:42

Thank you so much. This is great. I really enjoyed my time with you as well.

Jen Amos: 38:45

I did too awesome. And to our listeners. We hope that today's episode gave you one more piece of knowledge resource, a relevant story so you can continue to make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. Thanks so much for listening, and we look forward to speaking with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.

Share Episode

Shownotes

Transcripts

Follow

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube