Mastering your life includes being intrinsically driven and focused, instead of externally reactive. Take a deeper look into what emotional intelligence really means and walk away knowing how you can maximize your self-governed more resilient emotional intelligence for a more fulfilled and extraordinary life.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

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By asking questions that equilibrate the brain and liberate us from the

subjective bias and allow us to get objective, we get to the truth,

we realize that there's nobody worth putting on pedestals or pits,

but everybody's worth putting in hearts.

Around the 1960s with a movement in psychology,

there was a consideration of a different way of looking at intelligence,

a different division of intelligence.

In addition to the IQ that had been around since almost the time of Einstein,

and there was a debate whether it was one form of intelligence that had many

facets or was there multiple intelligences.

And there was a movement to the idea of dispersing them out and say,

there's bodily intelligence, there's musical intelligence,

mathematical intelligence, they started fragmenting all over the place.

But one of the divisions of intelligence that were considered was emotional

intelligence.

The ability to be able to perceive and interpret the reality of

life,

respond accordingly with the various emotions and

measure those emotions,

manage those emotions and use those emotions for communication, leadership,

social development, et cetera.

In addition to abstract conceptions, which is more of a IQ.

Intelligence has many different meanings going all the way back to the analysis

of the Greeks and many of them have teleological objectives,

is there some final cause and some objective and purpose?

Like an acorn becoming an Oak tree,

behind the various aspects of intelligence.

But today I'd like to just talk about a practical emotional intelligence.

So this is where you may want to take some notes.

You're interacting with your environment, and

as you do, your hierarchy of values is interpreting it.

You have a pulmonary nuclei in the thalamus that represents a gating

filtering mechanism that's filtering your reality, your sensory perceptions,

and discerning which ones to include and exclude.

As a mother goes into a mall if her highest value is her children,

and she's a mother, that's her highest priority,

then she will spot things for children,

but overlook things for business or sports or things,

anything to do with the children she'll notice. So we spot things.

So our hierarchy of values, our set of priorities in life,

filter our reality.

And then once we filter that we've excluding and including different things,

I call it attention deficit and attention surplus, awareness.

We automatically are doing that according to what we think will give us a great

disadvantage. In fact, every decision we make, every perception we make,

every action we take,

some believe is strategic to accomplish what we feel is most important in our

life. So if that's the case,

then learning the art of perception, decision, and action, according to values,

and learning how to manage those and the responses to the environment,

which is people or events, would be the key.

Key to mastering life you might say.

Now when you meet somebody,

you have two things coming into your brain. You have the receptors,

visual receptors, auditory receptors, smell, taste, tactile, et cetera,

receptors, taking information.

There's about a hundred and something senses that you're actually picking up on

that you may not be aware of it. Semiotic sense of smell and aromatic sense.

All these are coming into the brain through these nervous receptors.

And then what's happening is all of the subconsciously stored emotional

experiences in the past that were polarized and judged in the past as

painful or pleasureful, avoiding or seeking,

excluded or included, is now imposed on that.

And it goes from receptors now to perception.

And so your perception is now tainted by your values and

all of the experiences that you stored in the past that had been imbalanced.

Anything you saw that was more pleasureful than painful or more attractive than

repulsive got stored as an impulse towards,

and anything of its opposite or anything you've associated with pain or

challenge, you tend to put an instinct to avoid.

It's a prey predator, seek and avoid, impulse and instinct system.

And all of those experiences and memories, we'll call them episodic memories,

are imposed on the new information coming in through receptors,

and the receptivity and the perceptivity joins together into

associations in the brain.

They are sometimes joined together into concepts and appercepts,

but they're become more and more abstract and integrated and something that's

not even tangible, as Immanuel Kant says,

there's phenomenological things that we can touch with our senses and there's

nonmenological things we can abstractly conceive in our mind.

And that entire scale of receptivity, perceptivity, conceptivity,

apperceptivity, has emotional overlays.

And the emotions are nothing but the ratios of those perceptions.

So think about that. The ratio of your perception.

If you have a ratio of 5 positives to 20 negatives,

you're going to have an instinct to avoid it.

If you have a ratio of perception that's 10 positives and 1 negative,

you're going to have a impulse towards seeking it. And you're going to have,

because of those ratios and because those are down in the survival

animal area of the brain, the subcortical area of the brain, the amygdala,

the desire center,

they'll fire off because of larger diamond neurons that are necessary for

survival and quick response. They'll fire up before you can think.

And if you don't have any governance over that, it can run you.

And that's kind of a emotional dysregulation syndrome,

you're basically overreacting to things and having emotional responses

that are extreme.

So if you perceive something with your receptors,

or see something we receptors and then perceive something that's reminding you

of that's highly charged in the past that hasn't been neutralized,

you can create overreaction, you've seen this,

you've seen people overreact over trivial things,

and then have no governance over it because it'll fire

before you can think. And as a result of it, you can react and then you go, Ooh,

then you judge yourself for that reaction because of a social idealism that

you've subordinated to about how you're supposed to be,

which is a moral hypocrisy in most cases.

And then you have these emotions and then they're stacked up on top of emotions.

And those emotions are based on previous experiences,

the subordination to outside ideals and norms that you're supposed to live by,

your own personal experiences,

the fantasy you've made about your life that you dream about that may not even

be real, and the real objectives that you hold inside that are,

all of those are woven together into an experience when you perceive.

But the ratios of those perceptions are taking all that information in and

creating a net result.

And that emotional ratio will determine whether it's a primitive part of the

brain firing for emergency or the advanced part of the brain,

which is basically there for governance.

You have a forebrain that has the medial prefrontal cortex and the executive

center that is involved in governing those emotions. In fact,

that area of the brain is involved in self-governance,

self management,

and an individual that has more moderate,

more neutral and more balanced ratios of perceptions,

awakens the forebrain and gets the executive center going,

which then uses glutamate, which is a stimulatory transmitter and GABA,

which is inhibitory one and regulates those emotions of impulse and instinct.

So it's really calming down from previous perceptions and neutralizing

them and causing you less reaction.

The individual who has the capacity to moderate those extreme

subjectively biased, emotional reactions has in a sense,

a regulatory function.

And they basically are considered high EQ, high emotional quotient.

They have the capacity to not react and let the external world run them,

but to use the external world to master their lives.

And that's where there was a teleological significance to emotional

intelligence because there's, it has a purpose.

It has a purpose of mastering your life, fulfilling your life.

You've heard me say in some of my presentations, when

how is whatever's happening to me on the way, not in the way?

That's when the executive center comes online,

when you see it in the way and not on the way that's probably when your amygdala

and your animal brain comes online and you go, 'Oh my God,

get out of it.' Now we need those emotions when you're in a true emergency,

a true emergency,

about to get hit by a car or train or somebody is about to stab us or something.

But the reality is that that's very rare. The number of times,

we actually have true alerts in our life that are really life threatening,

are very minimal. Most of the time,

we've exaggerated those things and caused reactions and then had to learn to

calm them down and our ability to adapt to things that are seeking and

avoiding, the resilience factor that we have,

measured by our heart rate variability,

which is a measurement of how lateralized our sympathetic and parasympathetic

nervous system become when we're under fight or flight or rest or digest,

when we're able to regulate those and keep those moderated,

we have the greatest heart rate variability,

which means we can adapt and have resilience to no

quickly regulate it back. And if we can have a stimulus,

realize it's just a false alarm and then go right back into centering

ourselves, that's mastery. That's in a sense, a high EQ,

it's also associated with a high IQ. High IQ is also the ability to abstract.

Now, what that means is the farther you go up into the forebrain,

the more associations you have,

and the more you have governance of those associations,

and the more you can take no matter what happens to you,

impulsively or instinctually, things you seek or avoid,

and neutralize them in your mind.

So this gives rise to a question on how do you actually master

emotional intelligence? What's the key to it? Well, here we go.

Let's go down the rabbit whole a little bit.

I've been working on developing a methodology on this,

literally since I was 18 years old and I'm 66 going on 67 now,

so you can tell that's been a bit of time on it.

So what's interesting is if you perceive somebody,

let's say walking towards you,

and you perceive them and they have in your receptors

data,

information that is correlated with past pleasureful

experiences, you may associate with them, I can trust this person,

the oxytocin is up high, the vasopressin's up high, the dopamine's up high,

and you go, 'I can trust this person. I feel connected to this person.

I'm not threatened by this person,

I'd like to get to know this person.' And then what happens is it's because you

have associated in the subconscious mind where you store those pleasures or

pains, stored those that way.

So you tend to put them on a pedestal and you tend to be gullible to the

pleasures that you've associated. That may not be who they actually are.

But because of your past experiences,

you're overlaying in your perceptions an assumption of who they are.

You may discover within a minute or so, or an hour or so, or a day or so,

or some longer period of time, a fatal attraction,

it's not the person you thought, you found, 'Oh my God,

there's a lot of psycho behavior here', that you didn't expect.

Or you may meet somebody that you're resentful to,

because of past associations or remind you of a certain type of person,

by the way they dress or the way they move their face or something,

any cue could do it.

And then you have this subjective bias initially on there,

and then you eventually discovered, 'Oh, they were pretty lovely people.

I have to get to know them.' So anytime you put somebody on a

pedestal,

it's because you're too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.

And it's because you have stored in your subconscious mind associations that

are more impulsive and pleasureful to you and more supportive to your

purpose in life. And that's why you're engaging them and you open up to them,

kinda like you want to eat them and consume them like a prey.

You want to get to know them and get up close to them,

get to find out what they're made out of, consume their existence.

But if you meet somebody that you resent it's obviously because you're too proud

to admit what you see in them is inside you. And you're disowning that.

And it's because of past associations you've had stored in your subconscious

mind of pain, avoidance, challenge. They're reminding you of that.

So you don't trust that person. You want to avoid that person.

You're skeptical of that person. You're not gullible. You're skeptical.

Now that may have nothing do with what's out there.

What's actually out there may be a lovely individual,

but you've got a superimposition of it, of all your subconscious baggage.

Whenever you go into a relationship,

you're bringing that baggage into that relationship,

and that relationship is going to have to learn how to deal with that and their

ability to manage that and own what they see in you,

is the key to their emotional intelligence. See, the term empathy,

which is really a reflection of what you see in others inside yourself,

if you can ask the question; What do I perceive in them?

Where did I do that in me? And what's the benefit to me?

If we see it negative. And what's the drawback to me? If I see it's positive.

I can take the ratios of perceptions that have been skewed because of my

subconscious baggage and I can clear my subconscious baggage and respond to them

in a respectful way, without being infatuated or resentful.

And just get to know the individual. If we infatuate with somebody,

we don't know them,

because we're conscious of the upside and unconscious of the downside.

If we resent them, we don't know them. We're conscious of the downside,

not conscious of the upside. And whenever we're looking down on them,

when we tend to exaggerate us, so we're not being ourselves,

we're not authentic. And when we look up to them,

we're minimizing ourselves and we're not being authentic and we're not knowing

them and we're not being authentic.

And then we got an emotional reaction and we're ungoverned and that's low

emotional intelligence.

Because now we're distorting our reality where we're living in our past

subconsciously stored baggage and it's running our life.

And we're now having low emotional things. And this is not great for leadership.

This is not great for relationship.

And so going into our executive center and going in there and becoming more

objective and seeing things in a balanced way and asking questions that allow

us to see what we see in them inside us, and if we're conscious of the upsides,

what's the downsides? If we're conscious of the downsides, what's the upsides?

Asking those questions can stabilize us and raise our emotional

quotient and allows us to have not only EQ, but IQ,

which is an abstraction, because the farther you go up into the forebrain,

the more you have associations,

which are really nerve fibers that are more connected to all of the nerve

fibers. See in the very primitive part of the brain, down at the cord,

the spinal cord and the outs, the peripheral nerves,

it's an all or none firing process. There's no gradation.

But as you go up into the spinal cord and into the brainstem and up into the

higher areas of limbic brain, the cortical brain,

and right up in the Corpus callosum,

you get more and more associations and you make more networks there,

so you have the ability to be able to see no matter what stimulus it is,

to have any response.

And the variety of responses that you have at your options is what is really EQ.

If you can take a response and turn it into an opportunity or a response and

calm it down, and you have the ability to take any association,

make any association with it and govern that, you have mastery over your life.

It's not the external world that's extrinsically running you,

it's you running you.

So there's some really powerful questions which I've been teaching in the

Breakthrough Experience with the Demartini Method,

and I really believe that this method is one of the keys to mastering emotional

intelligence and raising up IQ, both at the same time.

So the next time you meet somebody that you have this

skeptical sense of avoidance to, or skepticism,

and you may resent them, the thing to do is, what specific trait,

action or inaction do you perceive them displaying or demonstrating that

you despise most, dislike most, want to avoid most,

that you resist most? And don't go, 'I don't know.

It's just something about them.' You won't get anywhere when you do that.

You won't have any governance if you do that.

But if you narrow down what exactly is the behavioral action,

in most of the case, it's going to be something they did too much of,

or too little of. You tend to judge people by commissions or omissions,

but sometimes it's a physical trait, the way they wear their hair, their nose,

the size of teeth, missing a tooth or something. So if we judge them,

if we narrow down what that is, and you ask what specific trait,

action or inaction do you perceive this individual

displaying or demonstrating that you despise, dislike, resist,

hate most? And narrow it down, define it in three to five words.

Not run stories, not to do psychobabble,

but just write down what the trait is or the action is that's

really concise. And then you go and reflect.

And reflective awareness is one of the highest levels of awareness.

You ask yourself this question, alright, John,

go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating

that same or similar specific trait, action, inaction that I despise most.

And go and identify where you did it, when you did it, who did you do it to,

and who perceived you doing it? Now,

I've gone through the Oxford dictionary and I went through 4,628 different

traits. And I found out that I had every one of them. I was nice and mean,

and kind and cruel, and giving and taking, and generous and stingy,

and honest and dishonest, and deceptive and forthright, loyal and betrayal.

If I look at my life,

I have done every single one of them in different moments in my life.

So it's not a matter of if you've done these behaviors,

it's a matter of where and when, and to who,

and who's perceived you demonstrating them.

Because unless you can identify what you see in them inside you,

there's no connection, no empathy,

there's no way of communicating with that individual.

Otherwise you're going to be too proud or too humble to admit what you see in

them is inside you,

which means you're inauthentic and you're skewing the distorting what they are,

and there's poor communication.

And that's a low emotional quotient and that's overreaction and under reaction.

And you store it in your subconscious mind.

And then you're like an animal running around extrinsically driven.

But reflective awareness and looking at where you've done

it and looking at the forms in which it's done and owning it quantitatively,

qualitatively until it's equal.

And I am certain that it's doable because I've done it on a hundred thousand

people and I've demonstrated it over and over again and almost every week in the

Breakthrough Experience, people say, 'Well, I don't know. I can't do it.

I don't.' And then 10 minutes later, they find it.

So don't waste your time being addicted to pride of the fantasy of who you are,

get true about who you are and discover that you're everything.

I always say at the level of the soul, nothing's missing in you,

at the level of the senses, things appear to be missing in you.

And anything that appears to be missing in your are things you're too proud or

too humble to admit you have.

And as long as you're too proud or too humble to admit you have what you see in

others, you're going to have a low EQ and a low IQ,

because you're basically sitting there assuming,

proudly that you don't do that or shamefully that you do that.

And you're sitting there exaggerating and minimizing yourself instead of being

yourself. And people want to be loved for who they are,

but if you're not willing to be who you are,

how are you going to get love for it?

But by going in there and owning it and finding out exactly,

reflectively where you do it, you immediately stop the judgment.

You immediately stop it and bring the polarity of the perception from a

high weird ratio of 10 to 1, 5 to 1, 9 to 1, to actually look at,

'Oh, I've done that too',

which automatically starts to calm it and get more objective.

Then to go to the next question, another question.

Now go to a moment where and when you perceive this individual actually

displaying or demonstrating that specific trait, action,

inaction that you despise, hate or resist. And at that moment,

and from that moment to right now, how is it served me? How has it benefited me?

What did I learn from it? What did I not have to do as a result of it?

What's the upsides to it? Because all traits serve.

All traits serve, or they would go extinct.

Now I've studied Sumerian and Egyptian and Greek and around

the world, I've stayed China,

and I assure you there hasn't been that many differences in the last 5,000,

4,000, 3000 years, in human behavior.

Human behavior is still the same stuff. And we haven't gotten rid of any traits.

So it's not like you're going to get rid of any traits.

A lot of this fantasy out there in self-development is,

'I'm going to get rid of these traits and only gain these traits.' No,

you're not. If you look very careful,

all the things you thought you were going to get rid of in your life,

they're still with you. They come out when you need them.

So it's not about getting rid of a trait. It's not about trying to gain a trait.

You already have all the traits, you're just unconscious of them.

And you've morally hypocrisized yourself by thinking you're going to get rid of

half of them.

How are you going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half of them?

It's wiser to go in there and own the traits.

That's why I went through the 4,628 traits and own them,

because then that is a preemptive strike to reduce the probability of

judging another person when I first meet them out of subjective biases of my

past that I haven't been willing to work through.

So by going in there and identifying, how did it serve you?

You find out the thing that you thought was negative that made an instinct to

avoid into something that's neutral,

that you're poised and present and running yourself from your executive center.

Because once you have a 1-to-1 ratio, your executive center runs you.

Once you have a 7 to 1 negative to positive ratio,

the instinct and the external world runs you.

If you want the external world to run, you you'll be a follower in life.

If you want the internal world to do it, you'll be a leader in life.

That's why people that have a high emotional quotient

can have empathy,

because they can see and reflect and see that they see in others inside

themselves. Point a finger at them and you got three pointing back at you.

And the same thing on the admired side, you go and identify what specific trait,

action, inaction do I admire most about this individual that they display and

demonstrate,

and then go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself displaying or

demonstrating that same or similar specific trait, action, inaction,

till it's quantitatively qualitatively owned,

and then go in there and find the downsides to it.

Because if you're infatuated with somebody you're conscious of the upsides,

unconscious of the downsides,

and you're blind to the downsides and you're ignorant of it and that's

ignorance. And emotional intelligence and ignorance, you know,

if you have a lot of ignorance,

you've got a low emotional intelligence because you are not able to see both

sides and you're letting the external world run you.

But by going in there and finding out where you've got it to the same degree,

and then going and find out the downsides of it,

you calm down the fantasy and the nightmare. The

The fantasy is the infatuation.

And instead of letting those occupy space and time in your mind and run you at

noise,

you've probably had nights where you've been trying to go to sleep and you're

highly infatuated, excited about something or highly resentful, can't sleep.

Because you have a dysregulation syndrome going on because of ratios of

perceptions, because you haven't monitored and managed your emotions,

because you're not letting the executive center come in there and with glutamate

and gamma, calm down the impulses and instincts,

or the instincts and impulses and calm them down and regulate them and bring

them back into balance. If you have a real emergency,

you need that amygdala for that. But that's rare.

The real reality is that the people you meet are your

hallucinations from subconscious baggage that you never cleared.

In the Breakthrough Experience

I go through and I show you how to neutralize that baggage so the world's not

running you, you're running you. So you can have high EQ and high IQ.

High IQ is an abstraction,

the ability to take an event and bring in

associations that are not necessarily with that event and going in there and

think of other experiences of how that could serve you when you're looking down

on it or how it could be disservice to you.

And when you can do that with a forebrain and to take all the association fibers

in the brain and use them all from previous experiences to have a broader

perspective, literally,

the forebrain is a broader perspective where things are neither good nor evil,

neither black or white, neither infatuation resentment,

they're a combination of the two. That's what we call love. Love's a synthesis,

between these thesis and antithesis, a synthesis and synchronicity of opposites,

where you have a 1-to-1 ratio and you're actually poised and present and

purposeful and patient and productive. And that's a very high IQ and EQ,

and they correlate in those moments.

Because now you have an abstraction and you have a glimpse of the big picture of

the universe. The divine master plan as Newton would describe it.

And you also have the capacity to not overreact.

A lot of times we overreact because of our emotional baggage in the past.

And we know it, we've watched ourselves do it.

And that's absolutely unnecessary.

You have the capacity to ask new sets of questions,

because the quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you

ask, and ask questions to make you conscious of the

you've ignored.

So if you're infatuated with something and you're ignoring the downsides,

you can ask the question and look for the downsides, not be ignorant,

not be unconscious, be fully conscious.

Our intuition is constantly trying to take our low emotional quotient,

emotional intelligence and bring it to a high level. And when it brings it up,

it brings it into a balanced state where we're inspired by our life,

were self-actualizing as Maslow would describe.

This is where it all started in the 60s.

These individuals were looking for a self-actualized life where they're living

with a purpose and meaning and extracting meaning. In fact,

the extraction of meaning is high EQ. The ability to take,

if you're infatuated with something and you're able to find the downsides of it,

you bring it back into the mean.

If you're resentful to something and find the upsides to it,

you bring it back into the mean. The mean is between the two.

And what's interesting,

is then you've extracted out meaning out of your existential existence,

that you're extrinsically run by and you're able to see things as they are,

not as you subjectively projected onto your reality and then

overreacted. And the more traits you can own

and the more things you can own within yourself,

the less likely the world around you can cause buttons.

Your buttons aren't anything to do with them. Beware of your language,

listen carefully. Anytime you say, 'Well, they made me feel bad.' No,

they didn't.

Your subconscious storage of information projected onto their receptive

activities, an association that made you feel those sensations.

It's not outside. You know, Epictetus says that we go out and we blame others,

that's when we're first on the journey of self development,

then we blame ourselves, and that's when we realize, 'Oh,

it's a subconscious baggage' and then when we have emotional intelligence and

IQ, we then realize, 'You know what? There's nothing to blame'.

We've now neutralized it. We see the hidden order in it.

We've extracted meaning out of it. And were now we're grateful for it.

Anything you can't say gratitude for and thankful for is baggage.

Anything you can say thank you for is fuel.

So the ability to ask questions,

to equilibrate the mind and bring ourselves back into

a pois-ioned state. This is the emotional intelligence.

And it allows us to have empathy because now we can realize that what we see in

others inside us. And that's what true intimacy is.

People that confuse an infatuation and a high dopamine rush where you have a

lust and you want to, you know, jump all over the individual,

we think that's intimacy. That's actually not.

You're actually having an affair with a fantasy that you've concocted from your

past subconscious storage and the fantasies you picked up from your journey

instead of actually getting to know that individual.

That's not intimacy, intimacy is the ability to have perfect reflection.

And to realize that whatever you see in them is inside you. And

then realize that whatever is there, is something worth loving.

When you can actually own the trait, balance it out,

appreciate and love the trait, regardless of the trait,

and realize it all has a purpose, because otherwise it would have gone extinct.

It's here on the planet for a reason. When we can see it all on the way,

not in the way, we've mastered it. That's why I asking the question,

how specifically, you know,

if you're not filling your day with high priority actions,

you're not going to maximize your brain.

You're not going to get blood and glucose and oxygen to the forebrain in the

first place. And if you're not prioritizing your perceptions,

supportive or challenging, pleasureful or painful,

and neutralize them and bring them into the forebrain,

you're not mastering your brain.

But by asking questions that equilibrate the brain and liberate us from the

subjective bias and allow us to get objective, we get to the truth,

we realize that there's nobody worth putting on pedestals or pits,

but everybody's worth putting in hearts.

I'm amazed at how many people come up and they say, 'Well,

so-and-so is a real ____'. And then you go and meet them and go,

'I don't think that at all',

because the way they're interacting because of their

responding to them, when you have high emotional quotient,

you own the traits what you see in them.

And as a result of it you can reflect on them. You can understand them.

You less reactive to them. You're less judging of them.

You're more receptive to them. You understand that

Who am I?' And you end up having more reflection,

more equity between you and them. And when you have equity between them,

you have equanimity within you, which allows you to be authentic.

And when you're authentic, that's the most fulfilling you can be.

You want to be loved and appreciated for who you are. That's the way to do it,

by equilibrating your perceptions of others, and equilibrating within yourself,

you liberate yourself from the false facades, the masks, the personas,

the facades you wear, and you get to be you.

And that's really what we're driven to do. From all of my research on the brain,

the brain is doing everything it can to try to get you with homeostatic

mechanisms, trying to get you authentic.

And really everybody in your life is actually coming to bring that to your

awareness. The person you infatuate with,

the only reason you're too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you,

is because the truth is you have everything you see

in your own values,

but are too humble to admit it because you're comparing your actions to theirs,

and thinking theirs is better than yours, instead of honoring where yours is.

When you do you realize they brought this into your life to make you aware of

what magnificence you have.

And the same thing on the side where you're resenting people,

they're reminding you of something you're feeling ashamed about that you haven't

found the benefits to in yourself or them.

And they're giving you an opportunity to have emotional stability again,

by knowing how to ask the right questions.

So the people around us are coming into our life to point out what we haven't

loved and owned inside ourselves to give us an opportunity to liberate ourselves

by asking quality questions,

which is what the Demartini Method in the Breakthrough Experience is for,

to help you dissolve those subconsciously stored impulses and instincts that are

running your life. So you can liberate yourself to get on with your mission.

Your mission is different than your passion.

Your passion is about avoiding pain and seeking pleasure.

It's an animal response. It means to suffer if it's in its etymology.

It's basically because if you infatuate with somebody you're going to try to

change yourself into being like them, which is futile. If you're resentful,

you're going to try to change them to be like you, which is futile.

But if you love somebody and let them be who they are,

so you can be who you are, that's not futile, that's utile.

That's where we maximize our communication skills, maximize our business

sustainabilities, maximize our income, maximize our relationship dynamics.

We get to self-actualize our life by mastering this emotional quotient or

emotional intelligence sometimes called. So since the 60s,

there really isn't anything new there. I mean,

I can go back and trace some of the same information back farther,

but since the 60s, and then into the 80s and 90s, Goldman,

and other's come along and write about it and published a book and it became

kind of a main thing, emotional intelligence,

but it's really what your brain is doing when you're living wisely. In fact,

love and wisdom, philosophia, automatically maximizes

That's why studying the great minds and standing on the shoulders of

great leaders and finding out what they did is going to reveal to you that their

behavior is just self-governed, that's it.

They didn't let the external world run their life.

They allowed themselves to reflect, reflective awareness.

By asking the questions I gave you,

how specifically is whatever's happening on the way, not in the way?

And calming down the infatuation resentments and becoming

unconscious so you can actually go out and lead.

You wake up your leadership in your life and you give yourself permission to do

something amazing and shine. And that will expand your space and time horizons.

That will expand your game and where you want to play.

And if you really want to make a difference,

you're not going to make a difference fitting in and trying to be somebody

you're not. You're going to make a difference, not wearing facades,

but being authentic and taking it down, the, you might say the masks,

and getting authentic. That liberates you to be yourself.

And that's what we all want. And that's what the method,

The Demartini Method's about, that's what Breakthrough's about,

that's what this presentation's about.

So I just thought I'd go over a little background on emotional intelligence.

And hopefully I went not too fast for you, sometimes I speak fast,

but hopefully got some message across. Maybe you can watch this again.

And I also want to just to let you know about two things.

One is I have a free gift for you.

That's worth about $50 normally when you buy it,

but it's called Awakening Your Astronomical Vision.

The reason I give this out weekly is I want people to listen to what's on this

little CD recording.

It's a live presentation I did in Johannesburg in a planetarium to a YPO

group,

which were a group of executives that are running companies that wanted to

expand it on a global level. And it's about leadership.

It's about vision. It's about inspiration. It's about expanding.

Because you're not going to make a difference in the

astronomical vision. The greater the vision you have,

the greater the impact you're going to have in the world.

You may think that you don't really care about doing something good or great in

the world or whatever,

but the reality is that you have an innate yearning to want to make a

contribution. I've never seen anybody get up in the morning and say,

I want to shrink my knowledge.

I want to shrink my business success or achievements,

I want to shrink my financial situation.

You have a natural designed to go and expand,

you go out into the mysteries of infinity and you tend to want to grow.

So this little CD program, I assure you, you listen to it,

probably you'll listen to it five or six times,

is there to help you expand the vision that you have for your life,

to give yourself permission to go play a bigger game,

because I've not seen anybody want to shrink. So this is about how to do it.

And it's not, it's not because you have to, it's not because of a moral issue,

it's because it's an innate part of you to continually grow.

When you learn something, you wanna learn something new,

then you want to learn that, you want to learn something new.

So it's just a natural process. So just want that to be yours.

I promise you if you listen to it multiple times, it will be a value to you.

And also, I just want to make an announcement.

We have a program called How to Accelerate Progress and Achievement.

This'll be the free live masterclass that I'll be doing. You can just go to

dimartini.fm/march, and then give you that.

And you want to sign up for that and let people know about it,

because it's exactly what it's going to do.

It's going to give you the power to accelerate the

And I know that you all want to be able to do that. You know,

I've had a dream to do what I do since I was 17 years old,

and it's inspiring to be able to get up in the morning and do it.

And there's a science to it. And I want to share with you that science,

I want you to be able to have the same outcomes,

whatever that direction is for you, that I've had for my life,

because I've been blessed to structure my life in a way that I get to do what I

love each day. And I believe you deserve to do that.

And I want you to be able to do that. Please let people know about it. You know,

I've asked him,

when I teach the Breakthrough Experience at the end of the program,

I ask people,

'How many of you this weekend thought of people that could have benefited by

being here?' And every hand goes up. I said, then care about them.

Go and let them know the reason being is because sometimes people are sitting

on the edge in their life. They're kind of feeling a bit lost and frustrated,

and they're not sure exactly where to turn and what to do.

And sometimes this information, I have thousands and thousands,

thousands of letters of people that have listened to these programs or have been

to the Breakthrough Experience that have said, thank you.

So if you know somebody that you think you can make a difference in,

you know that if you help other people get where they want to get in life,

it helps you get where you want to get in life.

So please help me get this message out.

This information is my life's work,

and I know that if it gets in the right hands and helps people,

that's what it's all about.

You know what it's like when all of a sudden you go to bed at night,

knowing you made a difference in somebody else's life.

I feel it's the most important and most amazing feeling at night

to know you've made some sort of contribution with

your life's work. Thank

you for joining me for this presentation today.

If you found value out of the presentation,

please go below and please share your comments.

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and share more to help you maximize your life.

I look forward to our next presentation. Thank you so much for joining.