Shownotes
In this special episode of Podcaster Stories, I sit down with my wife, Jaclyn, to talk about my recent diagnosis with depression, how that’s changed me, what I’m doing to cope with it, and more.
Topics on the menu include:
- The symptoms I was experiencing in the lead-up to the diagnosis
- What made me seek help, as opposed to continuing to deal with it alone
- How my life has changed since that first diagnosis
- Are the therapy sessions and medications I’m on a quick fix?
- What advice I’d give for anyone suffering the same symptoms
Settle back for an open and honest conversation between my wife and I as we talk about something that still isn’t discussed as much as it should be.
Connect with Jaclyn:
- Mental Health and Me
- Mental Health and Me on Pinterest
- Mental Health and Me on Instagram
- Mental Health and Me podcast
- Mental Health and Me on Facebook (private group)
Contact me: danny@podcasterstories.com
My equipment:
- Rode Podmic
- Focusrite Scarlett Solo 3rd Gen
- TRITON AUDIO Fethead In-Line Microphone Preamp
- Denon DJ HP-1100 Over Ear Headphones
- RockJam MS050 Adjustable Mic Suspension Boom
- Dragonpad Pop Filter
Recommended resources:
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp
Transcripts
Hi, and welcome to Podcaster Stories each year we will
Speaker:have a conversation with podcasters across all mediums and share
Speaker:their story. What motivates them while they started to show
Speaker:up as a group to show up. And More both
Speaker:to talk about their personal lives and some of the
Speaker:things that have happened that made them the person they
Speaker:are today. And now here's your host Danny Brown.
Speaker:Hi, I'm Jaclyn Brown and I run a website called
Speaker:Mental Health and Me. And this is the first recording
Speaker:a podcast for that today. I am speaking to my
Speaker:husband Danny and a, and we are going to speak
Speaker:about his anxiety and depression, because it's all relatively new
Speaker:to him. So, hi, Danny. Hi, Jacqueline. It was definitely
Speaker:weird, but we can, we got this. So w recently
Speaker:you were diagnosed with both anxiety and depression. Can you
Speaker:tell me a little bit about that, about your, the
Speaker:backstory and everything leading up to that?
Speaker:Yeah, so I think for the last study, I don't
Speaker:know, three or four months I've been feeling different, you
Speaker:know, not in good places and it just like, I
Speaker:don't know, stress out more and more tired, more, and
Speaker:may be quick to snap More and stuff like that.
Speaker:And I didn't really put a down to anything that
Speaker:I just thought that was either working in a little
Speaker:bit later or whatever. And I know it was just
Speaker:like a one morning that I dunno, like I just
Speaker:clicked, you know, I was gonna work and I, I
Speaker:couldn't really take it. Another step forward has made me
Speaker:go on to the train station and catch my train,
Speaker:got off the bus, took a few steps. If I
Speaker:know I'm not good to go to work because I
Speaker:had been sleeping really well. And I've been waking up
Speaker:at like two to 30 in the morning and not
Speaker:be able to get it back to sleep.
Speaker:So the fact that it was running on two to
Speaker:three hours, sleep at night or two or three hours
Speaker:of sleep each night, it wasn't helping either.
Speaker:So, so, so that, I guess I was your, your
Speaker:breaking point in the symptoms leading up to reaching out
Speaker:for help. But what made you just like, you just
Speaker:decided not to go to work 'cause you, you know,
Speaker:mentally, we weren't ready for that. Were you just going
Speaker:to come home and sleep or work from home? Or
Speaker:like, what was your intention when you turn back from
Speaker:the train station that day?
Speaker:I don't know. I think it is about everything. I
Speaker:know I texted you and said, I wasn't in a
Speaker:good place. You know, I'll probably need to speak to
Speaker:someone might quickly on whatever. And because of your background
Speaker:and experiences, I knew that, you know, when you said,
Speaker:okay, we are going to do this, that probably makes
Speaker:sense. And then I would be, so we did want
Speaker:to sleep. And it was even more beat when we
Speaker:came home from the hospital, you know, but yeah, it,
Speaker:it, it was, you know, the goal was to get,
Speaker:to get help.
Speaker:So, so that day I took you to the hospital
Speaker:and I didn't just take you to the doctors I
Speaker:took. It took you to, and the dog, the dog
Speaker:wants in, on this podcast. So so, yeah, so I
Speaker:took it to the hospital and I remember saying like,
Speaker:why are we going to the hospital? Why can't we
Speaker:just call the family doctor? Why can't they just make
Speaker:an appointment? And, and I, I wonder if I had
Speaker:done that? Like what, like, what are your feelings towards
Speaker:the fact that I took, I, I made you go
Speaker:to the hospital. Well,
Speaker:You said it. I mean, at first I didn't think
Speaker:it was necessarily, cause it didn't feel like an emergency
Speaker:and you just felt okay and you to speak to
Speaker:someone about feeling better or not being tired of or
Speaker:whatever. And, you know, for me emergency like the ER,
Speaker:et cetera, are for people that see a gunshot wounds,
Speaker:Are break a leg or, you know, have serious issues,
Speaker:having a heart attack, stuff like that. So it, to
Speaker:me, it felt like I should speak to my doctor
Speaker:and maybe get referred to someone that could help. But
Speaker:thankfully it was at Ear because I mean, I, I
Speaker:know it's a, one of the best its always recommended,
Speaker:you know, by a lot of people we know mutually
Speaker:it's Recommended as someone on a great mental health team
Speaker:and resources and, and I found us since be in
Speaker:there, you know?
Speaker:So that was, that was definitely a good call even
Speaker:though I didn't think that the team as far as
Speaker:something, you know, for sure.
Speaker:Yeah. And I, I know I felt that way, you
Speaker:know, many years ago that it is for physical health.
Speaker:It's not for mental health and you never really think
Speaker:that your, your mental state is as bad as needing
Speaker:to go to the emergency. You just think that you
Speaker:can plow through it or I'll make an appointment in
Speaker:the future. We can talk about it, I guess if
Speaker:it's getting to that state, but you never really think
Speaker:that the ER is the way to go. And I
Speaker:did it wrong. Cause when I was, you know, my
Speaker:story, I was the one that made an appointment and
Speaker:you had to take me to that appointment, but I
Speaker:didn't want you to suffer anymore. So that it was
Speaker:just for me, I knew the hospital was the, the
Speaker:right way to go.
Speaker:And then you've been a few times since back and
Speaker:forth to the doctor. How, how has your life changed
Speaker:since going to the hospital that first day
Speaker:It's been mixed? I know. I mean, they've got me
Speaker:a bunch of medications at the moment, so that's been
Speaker:new and the first batch a medication, I think he
Speaker:overdosed me a bit too much that I know what
Speaker:I mean. This doctor's is amazing. And I know how
Speaker:it came out to you in a waiting room. And
Speaker:I asked, you know, if there's, have you seen any
Speaker:changes in, it says here it is more tired than
Speaker:you got it right. And he has my back. So
Speaker:is it set me on that? I of course, but
Speaker:who sent me on c'mon as a part and to
Speaker:start with a, which is obviously an anti-anxiety medication and
Speaker:the dosage was a bit high, but you had to
Speaker:bring my anxiety, my levels where we Hi when you
Speaker:took me and, and he could see that. And so
Speaker:you had to bring me down first, strike a material
Speaker:and normalized level of anxiety.
Speaker:And it just put me on a new course, which
Speaker:is more about like panic attack or panic disorder medication.
Speaker:Once again more to manage my anxiety. And now we
Speaker:can start talking about the depression and you know, what
Speaker:caused that? What was the trigger, et cetera, but really
Speaker:to try and get you get me to a stable
Speaker:place. And then obviously it's putting me on sleeping pills.
Speaker:'cause I wasn't sleeping. And they were helping me sleep
Speaker:right through the night. So initially I was super tired
Speaker:and foggy forgetful. And I think, I mean, improving there
Speaker:are those still forgetting some things, but not, not as
Speaker:bad as, you know, as bad as it was.
Speaker:It was that that is good. And then you you'll
Speaker:see some progress, but it's not an immediate fix. So,
Speaker:and I think you're starting to see that to, do
Speaker:you think these therapy sessions and medicate or yeah, and
Speaker:medications or a quick fix to carry these illnesses, which
Speaker:we just talked about?
Speaker:Well, I mean, is it, I mean I've only been
Speaker:gone, I don't know, three weeks, I think four weeks,
Speaker:something like that since the first in diagnosed. Umm, and
Speaker:I've known Franz, you know, I'll give you one story,
Speaker:you know, I know that it takes awhile and sometimes
Speaker:you, you don't get rid of Depression you don't get
Speaker:it out of anxiety. You'll live to live with a
Speaker:lot of you learn to deliver it. And that's what
Speaker:a specialist's have said. It was like a slow process.
Speaker:You don't expect results straight away even imagine on will
Speaker:take three or four weeks to really kick it properly.
Speaker:So I, I know it's an ongoing process and I've
Speaker:got to be open and honest about how I'm feeling
Speaker:on various days or whatever, or otherwise it won't be,
Speaker:you know, help.
Speaker:I would just go up, you know, but I want
Speaker:to get the treatment they need. So I will be
Speaker:back to square one, which seems a waste of time,
Speaker:but yeah,
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely. You have to be consistent. It's just like
Speaker:it's dieting really it's for your physical health, you can
Speaker:expect to eat one healthy meal and lose all the
Speaker:weight and be in shape and it will just stay
Speaker:that way. It is an ongoing program and you have
Speaker:two to fight for it or do you have to
Speaker:be determined and your mental health is the same. I
Speaker:would like to correct something you said, because you said,
Speaker:you know, you've gone to the three or four weeks
Speaker:of sessions and you have, but each session is about
Speaker:three to four weeks apart. So it was just saw,
Speaker:I thought I had, I should specify that. So just,
Speaker:you know, wrap it up or what advice would you
Speaker:give to those suffering from any of the symptoms that
Speaker:you talked about earlier?
Speaker:So he obviously, as I mentioned to Elliot, or you
Speaker:mentioned, uhm, go to the ER yeah. You know, don't
Speaker:be afraid to go to the ER in and check
Speaker:yourself in and especially, you know, use Google on your
Speaker:phone or whatever. Or if they've got a mental health
Speaker:unit there, the more, the better, but yeah, go to
Speaker:the ER and just, just tell someone, you know, and
Speaker:concerned about my mental health. How am I need help?
Speaker:Are you know, again, you use Google for a local
Speaker:resources, a lot. There's a lot of groups, you know,
Speaker:a local groups that are et cetera. But I guess
Speaker:the key thing is don't be a threat to, to
Speaker:reach out and ask for help. I'm lucky. And I
Speaker:have my wife who I see a lucky, he's not
Speaker:lucky to it. She suffers depression and anxiety, but I'm
Speaker:a lucky that I have my wife who knows what
Speaker:is, what it's like, what are the symptoms are?
Speaker:And so when the, the signs of there that you
Speaker:need to help, et cetera, there's a lot of stigmas
Speaker:still, unfortunately about men and wellness. And I think as
Speaker:long as we keep talking about it and be an
Speaker:open about it and, and being an honest and brave
Speaker:enough, whatever you want to call it, to get the
Speaker:help you need than it is far, far back, or
Speaker:a dad just struggling along thinking is going to disappear.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely. That's, that's great advice. And you say you're
Speaker:lucky to have me, but I feel the same way
Speaker:a few years ago when I was at my weakest
Speaker:or, or, or, you know, my lowest point with a
Speaker:combination of depression and anxiety and I couldn't handle it
Speaker:anymore. I couldn't handle my day to day. I knew
Speaker:that I needed to see a doctor and I couldn't
Speaker:get there. And I, it was the same thing I
Speaker:said, Danny, it's time. I'm ready. I need help. But
Speaker:you have to take me because I can just admit
Speaker:that I need help, but I can't get there on
Speaker:my own. And you were, you were there for me,
Speaker:you got me to the doctor's and he held my
Speaker:hand the whole time. And sometimes we need a person,
Speaker:whether its a spouse or a sibling or a parent,
Speaker:just call that one person that you trust and they
Speaker:will be your support system and they will get you
Speaker:through the hospital visits and the doctor's appointments because you
Speaker:do need a friend and you can't do it alone.
Speaker:So, so those are, those are my, my advice. And
Speaker:Danny, it was great talking to you and I hope
Speaker:and the dog to who's growing in the background and
Speaker:yeah, and I I'd like to, to do this again
Speaker:if I'm brave enough, but thank you for joining us
Speaker:yet.
Speaker:Thanks for listening to Podcaster Stories to make sure that
Speaker:you don't miss an episode, make sure to subscribe on
