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Talking With My Wife About My Depression
Episode 122nd April 2020 • Podcaster Stories • Danny Brown
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In this special episode of Podcaster Stories, I sit down with my wife, Jaclyn, to talk about my recent diagnosis with depression, how that’s changed me, what I’m doing to cope with it, and more.

Topics on the menu include:

  • The symptoms I was experiencing in the lead-up to the diagnosis
  • What made me seek help, as opposed to continuing to deal with it alone
  • How my life has changed since that first diagnosis
  • Are the therapy sessions and medications I’m on a quick fix?
  • What advice I’d give for anyone suffering the same symptoms

Settle back for an open and honest conversation between my wife and I as we talk about something that still isn’t discussed as much as it should be.

Connect with Jaclyn:

Contact me: danny@podcasterstories.com

My equipment:

Recommended resources:

Mentioned in this episode:

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Hey, this is Danny here from Podcaster Stories. Thanks so much for listening, and I'd love for you to get the latest episodes when they're released. So make sure to follow on your favourite podcast app, or hop on over to podcasterstories.com/listen. If you enjoy the show and want to leave a review, you can do that at podcasterstories.com/review to share your thoughts with listeners just like you. Thanks so much for being part of the Podcaster Stories community, and now here's this week's episode.



This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Transcripts

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Hi, and welcome to Podcaster Stories each year we will

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have a conversation with podcasters across all mediums and share

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their story. What motivates them while they started to show

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up as a group to show up. And More both

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to talk about their personal lives and some of the

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things that have happened that made them the person they

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are today. And now here's your host Danny Brown.

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Hi, I'm Jaclyn Brown and I run a website called

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Mental Health and Me. And this is the first recording

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a podcast for that today. I am speaking to my

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husband Danny and a, and we are going to speak

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about his anxiety and depression, because it's all relatively new

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to him. So, hi, Danny. Hi, Jacqueline. It was definitely

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weird, but we can, we got this. So w recently

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you were diagnosed with both anxiety and depression. Can you

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tell me a little bit about that, about your, the

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backstory and everything leading up to that?

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Yeah, so I think for the last study, I don't

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know, three or four months I've been feeling different, you

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know, not in good places and it just like, I

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don't know, stress out more and more tired, more, and

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may be quick to snap More and stuff like that.

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And I didn't really put a down to anything that

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I just thought that was either working in a little

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bit later or whatever. And I know it was just

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like a one morning that I dunno, like I just

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clicked, you know, I was gonna work and I, I

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couldn't really take it. Another step forward has made me

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go on to the train station and catch my train,

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got off the bus, took a few steps. If I

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know I'm not good to go to work because I

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had been sleeping really well. And I've been waking up

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at like two to 30 in the morning and not

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be able to get it back to sleep.

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So the fact that it was running on two to

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three hours, sleep at night or two or three hours

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of sleep each night, it wasn't helping either.

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So, so, so that, I guess I was your, your

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breaking point in the symptoms leading up to reaching out

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for help. But what made you just like, you just

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decided not to go to work 'cause you, you know,

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mentally, we weren't ready for that. Were you just going

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to come home and sleep or work from home? Or

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like, what was your intention when you turn back from

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the train station that day?

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I don't know. I think it is about everything. I

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know I texted you and said, I wasn't in a

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good place. You know, I'll probably need to speak to

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someone might quickly on whatever. And because of your background

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and experiences, I knew that, you know, when you said,

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okay, we are going to do this, that probably makes

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sense. And then I would be, so we did want

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to sleep. And it was even more beat when we

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came home from the hospital, you know, but yeah, it,

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it, it was, you know, the goal was to get,

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to get help.

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So, so that day I took you to the hospital

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and I didn't just take you to the doctors I

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took. It took you to, and the dog, the dog

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wants in, on this podcast. So so, yeah, so I

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took it to the hospital and I remember saying like,

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why are we going to the hospital? Why can't we

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just call the family doctor? Why can't they just make

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an appointment? And, and I, I wonder if I had

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done that? Like what, like, what are your feelings towards

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the fact that I took, I, I made you go

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to the hospital. Well,

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You said it. I mean, at first I didn't think

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it was necessarily, cause it didn't feel like an emergency

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and you just felt okay and you to speak to

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someone about feeling better or not being tired of or

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whatever. And, you know, for me emergency like the ER,

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et cetera, are for people that see a gunshot wounds,

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Are break a leg or, you know, have serious issues,

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having a heart attack, stuff like that. So it, to

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me, it felt like I should speak to my doctor

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and maybe get referred to someone that could help. But

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thankfully it was at Ear because I mean, I, I

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know it's a, one of the best its always recommended,

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you know, by a lot of people we know mutually

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it's Recommended as someone on a great mental health team

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and resources and, and I found us since be in

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there, you know?

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So that was, that was definitely a good call even

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though I didn't think that the team as far as

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something, you know, for sure.

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Yeah. And I, I know I felt that way, you

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know, many years ago that it is for physical health.

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It's not for mental health and you never really think

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that your, your mental state is as bad as needing

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to go to the emergency. You just think that you

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can plow through it or I'll make an appointment in

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the future. We can talk about it, I guess if

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it's getting to that state, but you never really think

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that the ER is the way to go. And I

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did it wrong. Cause when I was, you know, my

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story, I was the one that made an appointment and

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you had to take me to that appointment, but I

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didn't want you to suffer anymore. So that it was

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just for me, I knew the hospital was the, the

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right way to go.

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And then you've been a few times since back and

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forth to the doctor. How, how has your life changed

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since going to the hospital that first day

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It's been mixed? I know. I mean, they've got me

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a bunch of medications at the moment, so that's been

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new and the first batch a medication, I think he

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overdosed me a bit too much that I know what

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I mean. This doctor's is amazing. And I know how

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it came out to you in a waiting room. And

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I asked, you know, if there's, have you seen any

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changes in, it says here it is more tired than

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you got it right. And he has my back. So

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is it set me on that? I of course, but

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who sent me on c'mon as a part and to

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start with a, which is obviously an anti-anxiety medication and

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the dosage was a bit high, but you had to

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bring my anxiety, my levels where we Hi when you

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took me and, and he could see that. And so

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you had to bring me down first, strike a material

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and normalized level of anxiety.

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And it just put me on a new course, which

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is more about like panic attack or panic disorder medication.

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Once again more to manage my anxiety. And now we

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can start talking about the depression and you know, what

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caused that? What was the trigger, et cetera, but really

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to try and get you get me to a stable

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place. And then obviously it's putting me on sleeping pills.

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'cause I wasn't sleeping. And they were helping me sleep

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right through the night. So initially I was super tired

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and foggy forgetful. And I think, I mean, improving there

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are those still forgetting some things, but not, not as

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bad as, you know, as bad as it was.

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It was that that is good. And then you you'll

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see some progress, but it's not an immediate fix. So,

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and I think you're starting to see that to, do

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you think these therapy sessions and medicate or yeah, and

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medications or a quick fix to carry these illnesses, which

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we just talked about?

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Well, I mean, is it, I mean I've only been

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gone, I don't know, three weeks, I think four weeks,

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something like that since the first in diagnosed. Umm, and

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I've known Franz, you know, I'll give you one story,

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you know, I know that it takes awhile and sometimes

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you, you don't get rid of Depression you don't get

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it out of anxiety. You'll live to live with a

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lot of you learn to deliver it. And that's what

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a specialist's have said. It was like a slow process.

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You don't expect results straight away even imagine on will

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take three or four weeks to really kick it properly.

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So I, I know it's an ongoing process and I've

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got to be open and honest about how I'm feeling

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on various days or whatever, or otherwise it won't be,

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you know, help.

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I would just go up, you know, but I want

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to get the treatment they need. So I will be

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back to square one, which seems a waste of time,

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but yeah,

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Yeah, absolutely. You have to be consistent. It's just like

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it's dieting really it's for your physical health, you can

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expect to eat one healthy meal and lose all the

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weight and be in shape and it will just stay

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that way. It is an ongoing program and you have

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two to fight for it or do you have to

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be determined and your mental health is the same. I

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would like to correct something you said, because you said,

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you know, you've gone to the three or four weeks

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of sessions and you have, but each session is about

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three to four weeks apart. So it was just saw,

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I thought I had, I should specify that. So just,

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you know, wrap it up or what advice would you

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give to those suffering from any of the symptoms that

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you talked about earlier?

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So he obviously, as I mentioned to Elliot, or you

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mentioned, uhm, go to the ER yeah. You know, don't

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be afraid to go to the ER in and check

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yourself in and especially, you know, use Google on your

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phone or whatever. Or if they've got a mental health

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unit there, the more, the better, but yeah, go to

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the ER and just, just tell someone, you know, and

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concerned about my mental health. How am I need help?

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Are you know, again, you use Google for a local

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resources, a lot. There's a lot of groups, you know,

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a local groups that are et cetera. But I guess

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the key thing is don't be a threat to, to

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reach out and ask for help. I'm lucky. And I

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have my wife who I see a lucky, he's not

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lucky to it. She suffers depression and anxiety, but I'm

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a lucky that I have my wife who knows what

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is, what it's like, what are the symptoms are?

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And so when the, the signs of there that you

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need to help, et cetera, there's a lot of stigmas

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still, unfortunately about men and wellness. And I think as

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long as we keep talking about it and be an

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open about it and, and being an honest and brave

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enough, whatever you want to call it, to get the

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help you need than it is far, far back, or

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a dad just struggling along thinking is going to disappear.

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Yeah, absolutely. That's, that's great advice. And you say you're

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lucky to have me, but I feel the same way

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a few years ago when I was at my weakest

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or, or, or, you know, my lowest point with a

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combination of depression and anxiety and I couldn't handle it

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anymore. I couldn't handle my day to day. I knew

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that I needed to see a doctor and I couldn't

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get there. And I, it was the same thing I

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said, Danny, it's time. I'm ready. I need help. But

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you have to take me because I can just admit

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that I need help, but I can't get there on

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my own. And you were, you were there for me,

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you got me to the doctor's and he held my

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hand the whole time. And sometimes we need a person,

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whether its a spouse or a sibling or a parent,

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just call that one person that you trust and they

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will be your support system and they will get you

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through the hospital visits and the doctor's appointments because you

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do need a friend and you can't do it alone.

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So, so those are, those are my, my advice. And

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Danny, it was great talking to you and I hope

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and the dog to who's growing in the background and

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yeah, and I I'd like to, to do this again

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if I'm brave enough, but thank you for joining us

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yet.

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Thanks for listening to Podcaster Stories to make sure that

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you don't miss an episode, make sure to subscribe on