According to statistics, 90% of women’s income is invested back into their families for nutrition, education, and healthcare. As the mother of a high school junior, I can definitely attest to this. We women are naturally caregivers. Unfortunately, this generosity can strain our well-being and financial future.

This episode’s guest is Cathy Sikorski, an Elder Law attorney, blogger, and video influencer, who makes complex legal and financial issues digestible and helps you to avert a crisis in caregiving, aging, and retirement. 

Among the wisdom Cathy shares:

• How being a caregiver to families is a dubious honor because of the accountability
• Long-term care insurance as an important safety net for self-employed caregivers
• Why it’s essential to get powers of attorney in relation to your finances and healthcare

Let’s avoid the financial pitfalls that surprise too many women due to our selflessness.  As the saying goes, “You need to secure your own mask first before assisting others.”  That is the most loving thing you can do.

More About Our Guest:

Cathy Sikorski, an Elder Law attorney, blogger, and video influencer, distills complex legal and financial issues and helps you to prepare before a crisis in caregiving, aging and retirement. Sikorski has written three books, the most recent book, 12 Conversations: How to Talk to Almost Anyone About Long-Term Care Planning, was released in October 2021. Sikorski has educated financial, long-term care, insurance, and HR professionals, caregivers, social workers and many more about serious planning. Her appearances include television, radio, and podcasts. She was featured on the Huffington Post, AARP, written a one-act play for Writers Theater of New Jersey, and is a SheSource expert for the Women’s Media Center in Washington, D.C.

Connect with Cathy Sikorski:

• Website
• LinkedIn
• Facebook
• Youtube

Connect with Erin and find the resources mentioned in this episode at hourlytoexit.com/podcast.

Erin's LinkedIn Page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erinaustin/

Think Beyond IP YouTube Page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVztXnDYnZ83oIb-EGX9IGA/videos

Music credit: Yes She Can by Tiny Music

A Team Dklutr production

Hello ladies.

Welcome to the Hourly to

Exit podcast.

I'm very

excited for our episode today.

I have Kathy Sikorski,

with us to talk about some thing

that will be of interest to.

All of us, which is, very directly

related to the key value here at

a exit, which is getting more wealth

in the hands of women because we

think that will change the world.

And so before I introduce

Kathy, I'm gonna rattle off a few

statistics about.

Why it's so important to get

more wealth in the hands of women.

So I was reading a recent Forbes

article that said that women tend to

invest more than 90% of their assets

in earnings back into their families

for nutrition, education,

healthcare, and more.

In contrast, men only invest about

44% of their incomes back into

their families.

Women build wealth to support a broader

set of goals for their family, for

philanthropy, and for the world.

the stats I have on my website,

women give twice as much of their

wealth to charitable causes than men.

They're almost twice as likely to

say that the act of donating is the

most satisfying part of having wealth.

their financial wellbeing is

influenced by their sense of

responsibility for others, for

their families, for the community,

and for society.

and that women are nearly twice

as likely as men to say that

they've discussed philanthropy with

their children, which I think is

a great stat so that we're raising

a generation of charitable givers.

And so of course women aren't

just generous with their money.

They're also generous with

their time.

And so we are gonna talk about

that, our role as caregivers and

sometimes, perhaps at our own expense.

So with that, Kathy, please introduce

yourself to the

audience.

Hi everyone.

I'm so happy to be here, for so

many reasons.

To be invited into this room to

talk about what I talk about.

And what I do is very expanding

for all of us.

And so I'm thrilled to be here to talk

about my topic, which is I am

an elder lawyer, which means I deal

with elder law issues, Medicaid,

Medicare, people in nursing homes,

social security, et cetera, et cetera.

But I have done that for well over

30 years, and I have found that.

Actually, elder law isn't even, I was

a regular lawyer for one of a better

word, elder law is kind of new, and

it's grown with these issues of

nursing homes and Medicaid and the

cost of care because we're getting older.

We're, baby boomers, there's more of us.

And so it's, really kind of

a newer field.

So maybe 20 years I've been doing it.

but what I found being a caregiver

for eight different family members and

friends during this period of time, not

as my job, but as a person with a big

family who needs help and is a the

punitive expert in the family, is that,

women especially tend to put aside

their financial wellbeing in order

to what they think is to create, Other

wellbeing within the family, and

that isn't always the wisest choice,

and that isn't always even the

necessary choice.

They don't even know that there's options

out there for them.

So I feel like I often have this

twofold conversation like number one.

is it gonna cost you money to

be a caregiver?

and number two is there a way to

get paid for doing what you are doing

as a caregiver without putting

your financial future and wellbeing

into jeopardy?

Because it's very likely that the

person that you are taking care

of, which might be a woman, your mom,

your mother-in-law, et cetera, has

put herself in financial jeopardy.

That's why your caregiving for her.

Mm-hmm.

So there's a lot of, layers to

this onion that we could, unpeel that

could go on for, as you can imagine,

days, hours, weeks.

but the money part is really important,

and that's what I actually love about

your work, Erin, is quite frankly,

it's the money part.

Right.

We women have lots of value.

We have lots of expertise.

We have lots of things that we bring

to the table, but for some reason

we forget about the money piece.

Mm-hmm.

we do, we value our ourselves

in so many ways.

Yeah.

So my, experience, my expertise is

in the legal part of this and the

financial part of it because there's a

huge piece to issues in caregiving,

and so I educate.

People and now I'm moving into

corporations and work and, financial

advisors, et cetera, about the legal

and financial need for preparation for

everyone properly so that no one

gets left behind.

Yeah, that's great.

So, usually we were talking before we

started recording about the, diversity

of guests that I've had on the podcast.

And I will say that typically

I usually know just enough to be

dangerous about the topics that they're

going to cover.

And on this one, I feel fairly out

of my death even though it is,

some legal issues.

not because I'm unfamiliar with

it, but because I've failed so

spectacularly in being, a

caregiver myself.

until very recently I was, one of

the sandwich generation with a.

Mother in her late eighties and I

have a teenager and running a business

and running a home as a single woman.

And so there are all the things

happening.

And so, you talk about, work life

balance and which I've found to be,

maybe I don't know what it means.

So maybe we'll talk there.

Cause I feel like

I just haven't

quite cracked that nut.

So, tell me how that, how

you look at

that.

It's impossible.

Good.

It's not just me, that's how

I look at it.

however, we can get better at it.

Mm-hmm.

If we pay attention to, resources that

are available to us to help us do

better for ourselves and our loved ones.

Okay.

So, there's lots of.

People doing this caregiving thing,

there's people like us who work for

ourselves, right?

And so when we step out of the

workforce, we're stepping out

of our own work and our own,

responsibilities and maybe not

taking on as many clients and et

cetera, et cetera.

But there is the whole, this

53 million of unpaid family

caregivers are not unpaid people.

They're workers.

Mm-hmm.

They're working at jobs where they

actually go to work.

And when I say go to work, I just

mean, maybe they're working from home,

but they have time where they're

putting in at work.

Mm-hmm.

And.

so to educate our audience about very

simplistically, let's start

with the basics.

You need to be a caregiver.

You need legal things in place.

You need to have powers of attorney.

You need to have financial powers

of attorney and healthcare powers

of attorney.

These are the 32nd definition.

It is a document that you sign

that gives the authority to someone

else to act as if they are you in.

Every possible capacity, either

with their finances or their healthcare

super powerful document, you are

giving someone a great amount

of authority.

But if they are incapacitated,

whether it be temporarily or

permanently, they need someone to

take care of their affairs for them.

And that's what everybody needs.

And everyone 18 years of age or

older in this country should

have one because anybody can get hit

by a bus tomorrow.

Mm-hmm.

And you may not be able to handle your

affairs, whatever that means, right?

They get more complex as a

document, as you get more assets,

as you get more responsibilities

or whatever.

And so I'm just saying that.

The concept of a power of attorney

is very, very often missed

until it's very late in the game.

Oh my god.

Mom is really sick.

she's in the nursing home.

She's in the hospital.

I need, nobody will let me do anything.

I can't move her money around.

I can't pay her bills cuz I

don't have power of attorney.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

So if you know that somebody you love,

you're gonna have to care for, or

you're helping them, make sure you have

those documents, you gotta have 'em.

and everybody talks about a will.

They're great.

I love wills.

Yeah, they're great.

But actually in my world, wills

are like the least important thing.

Mm-hmm.

Because, Powers of attorney are for

live people who are sick, and wills are

for dead people.

It's that simple, right?

Mm-hmm.

And then in between, that little niche

is something that we talk about living

will and advanced directives, which is

if someone is in a permanent vegetative

state, what do they want me to do?

And in the vernacular it's,

do you want me to pull the plug or

not pull the plug?

Really?

That's what it is.

Mm-hmm.

So you gotta have this conversation

with your loved one and you gotta have

a piece of paper that says so and

not honestly not.

Cause that piece of paper is so great in

a hospital setting.

It's because I am one of

seven children.

If my mom, 90 year old mom, who is

a hoot and a half right now, and go

on TikTok and look me up, you'll see

the two of us.

We have a lot of fun together, but

if she goes to the hospital, all these

kids are coming in with all their

spouses and all their grandchildren,

and some of their great-grandchildren

will have 56 people in a room trying

to decide what do we do with mom?

She's in a permanent vegetative

state, right?

Mm-hmm.

I don't want that.

I got a piece of paper that mom

signed that says, this is what

we're gonna do.

Mm-hmm.

And I say, I might not even do this,

but this is what mom said and so this is

what we're gonna do.

It takes the decider off the hook.

So that's your basic stuff, right?

That does not address at all

the work-life balance issue and

the difficulty of the cost of care.

Obviously not just financially,

but physically, emotionally.

whatever.

Mm-hmm.

for people like you and I who have their

own business, we don't have someone

that's gonna give us paid time off

or family and medical leave or,

stuff like that.

Right.

It doesn't mean there's not

resources out there for us, but

it does mean that it's a little bit

harder for us.

but here's two things right off

the top of my head.

Get paid.

If your mom has assets and she

would pay a complete stranger to come

in and take care of her, she can

pay you the same $25 an hour to pay.

You get a contract signed, preferably

with a lawyer's, approval.

So it looks like you're not

self-dealing and get paid.

It might not be.

You might earn $250 an hour, so it's

not gonna make up for that, but it

keeps you in the Social Security

and 10 99 yourself, by the way.

It keeps you in the Social

Security loop.

It keeps you in the Social Security

disability loop.

You are still getting paid right?

Wow.

Okay.

So would you have put this in

place the same time that you're putting

together the other,

because otherwise, like, let's

say they're

already in capacity.

Sure.

They can't enter this agreement.

Why not?

Of course.

Why not?

you don't have to take the

money right away.

Mm-hmm.

But honestly, the other thing I say is

if you really don't need the money,

take it anyway.

Because two things.

Number one, put it in your ira.

Mm-hmm.

You're losing time to create wealth for

you in your future.

In case this happens to you.

Right?

So if you really don't need 20, put

it in your ira.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

And secondly, it is a way for you to put

everyone on notice.

And I am working here.

Mm-hmm.

somebody said something to me

very interesting yesterday.

She said, me and my sister, my

mom got very sick very quickly.

They were in their thirties.

they weren't prepared.

Their dad was living, but they

came in to do the hands-on, and she

said the saddest part for me was we

spent so much time being caregivers,

we didn't spend time with my mom

as daughters while she was dying.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Oh God, this is really, it

hurt, it breaks my heart, right?

That they couldn't be.

In the relationship of mom and daughter,

because they had to call the

doctor, they had to make sure the

hospice was coming.

They had to, give her a sponge

bath if somebody had put other

money in place.

That's the second thing.

Long-term care insurance.

Mm-hmm.

If you can afford that.

Mm-hmm.

And if you're young, you can

really afford it.

If you put that in place, it

lets your family be your family.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Yes, I agree.

And honestly, if they have to work

for you, they can get paid out

of that kind of a product too.

Right.

And then there's a whole raft of

organizations that have come about in

the last few years because Medicaid

has allowed them to pay family members.

Okay.

Never spouses.

Mm-hmm.

But other family members.

Mm-hmm.

And you may very well, if your person

is not a person of assets or means they

may qualify for a Medicaid benefit and

you can literally work for them,

and you get paid.

Wow.

So what if you have a niece who is in

college mm-hmm.

And can do this part-time paid.

We have to get ourselves out

of the mindset that this is.

A gift that we give to our loved

ones, that we make the supreme

sacrifice of giving up every other

asset or financial, thing that we

have in order to take care of mom.

Mm-hmm.

Because I'm not saying you don't

need to take care of mom.

That's wonderful if you can, but

money isn't the problem here, isn't

the evil one here?

Mm-hmm.

There's lots of ways to transfer

the money so that, as I've said

three times now, you aren't mom

30 years from now with no money.

Right.

Especially if there's no one to

take care of you.

Right.

That is scary.

Do you say a couple things that I

wanna just back up.

Okay.

And kinda just relate my personal

experience, frankly.

one was about the advanced

directors of medical directives and if

you're loved, one is, in a vegetative

state or something.

One of the things that's happened with

Covid and that I have with my mother

is that, They are in the hospital

and, and they are awake, aware you

can talk to them, but you're can't

be alone with them.

At least they couldn't at

the time.

I know things have changed, and you're

not allowed to discuss their care.

Like her doctors would not allow me

to ask her, what do you want me to do?

And so there can be circumstances

where you have someone who.

where there's, for me there was

a circumstance of what do I do while

she's deteriorating, but still here?

So, and yeah.

Yeah.

And,

not wanting to miss that window of being

able to be with her.

Well, of course the first side is, it'd

be great if we have these conversations

beforehand.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

Yeah.

So if you can, if you're

hearing this Mm.

And you can.

It's hard, but you gotta go sit down.

Honestly, 12 conversations, my

book, that tells you how to have some of

these conversations.

Right.

you gotta have the conversations.

And if you can, and you're fortunate

enough to be able to do that

now, do that.

but you're, telling us a

different story.

You're saying here we are

in the crisis.

I can't talk to her about this.

The doctors won't let me, which is

the craziest thing I've ever heard.

I don't even understand what

that means.

But they

said, well, but I could not ask her

for her opinion.

like you have to make the decision.

You can't do that.

It wouldn't, they didn't consider

her to be, able to, contribute

even though you could talk to her

and ask her how she, you know.

Yeah.

okay.

Well,

Wait till they leave the room.

Well, they wouldn't let me in the room.

practical solutions are sometimes better

than any anyone's.

but I guess that's where family

history comes into play, right?

I mean, it's your mom and I hope that

you know your mom well enough to know

you're gonna have to make a decision.

Mm-hmm.

Based on what you know about her in

terms of history.

Mm-hmm.

I will tell you that being this caregiver

for eight different family members and

friends, yes, I've had to make some

tough decisions and yes, I still live

with some regrets.

Not even to tell you, oh, I made

the wrong decision, but did I make the

right decision?

it's more of a question about

that, right?

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

I honestly think that's a case

for therapy.

It was, right?

I mean, to be honest with you, that's

where I would have to resolve that.

Mm-hmm.

Because, Even if you've had all

the conversations, you've got all

the paperwork, you did all the

right things, crisis is crisis.

Mm-hmm.

And you're gonna have to make

decisions and you're going

to second guess yourself later, if

not in the moment.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

and that's part of it.

and I will tell you the beauty of so

much attention being given to caregiving

now, and it's taken a long time.

Do you know Erin?

I looked up yesterday cuz I

was quoting her.

Rosalyn Carter started the

Institute for Caregivers in 1987.

Wow.

35 years, this woman, and she's

still alive, as you may know.

Yeah.

Almost hundred years is still fighting

for the rights of caregivers and

caregiving families.

but the, thing, because there's so

much now, so many organizations, so

much, one of the things that there's

so much support about, okay, you're

gonna feel bad, you're gonna have

regrets, you're gonna have guilt,

you're gonna have, all of those things.

I would say, so the answer is, since

we're talking about it, prepare as

much as you can, do the best you can.

Mm-hmm.

It's kind of like raising

children, isn't it?

And.

Talk to a therapist, it's over.

That is fair.

That is fair.

Now the other piece of that was after my

mother passed, and I am the executor

of her will and.

I felt, and I kind of feel this

way, I'm thinking about that this

with my kid, is that, being the

executor kind of has interfered with my

grief process and,

which is exactly what these daughters

were saying to me yesterday.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

and, what are the options for,

people don't think of anyone else

being able to do this for them.

what are the options if you're not,

a rich person?

You know the thing, often the

person making the will thinks this

is some kind of a gift or an honor

that they're giving to let someone be

their executor.

Yeah.

It is a dubious honor at best.

Yes.

The business of death is horrible.

Mm-hmm.

The business of death, the only good

redeeming quality, in my opinion

about the business of death is quite

frankly, keeps you so busy that it.

Tamps down your grief until you

have a chance to sit in it.

Mm-hmm.

in a whole way.

Right?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

so that may have some value.

Mm-hmm.

Because you gotta do some things.

Right.

I mean, nobody who knows the job ever

wants the job.

Mm-hmm.

but I would say, That if you are in

a position and you are, working with

a family member and they have decided

you're gonna be this person and

you know, you don't want this cuz you're

the caregiver, encourage them to

choose someone else.

Mm-hmm.

Someone who the business part won't

be daunting to them.

Mm-hmm.

It won't be emotional to them.

now in your case, maybe you didn't

have anyone, if you're an only child

or if your adult child is an adult

enough yet mm-hmm.

They can't do it.

Right.

That kind of a thing.

I will tell you, you're probably

not gonna like this answer,

but I don't like sharing that job.

Having two people have the job,

sounds like, divide and conquer,

but more, that's more of a problem

than anything.

Mm-hmm.

And you, having done it, you would

probably understand having to sign

papers, having to be available

to, go through documents, whatever.

If you need someone else and they live

in another state, or they have a

busy life just like you, that's gonna

extend this torture longer than it

needs to be done.

So, right.

I don't like that.

And the third thing I wanna

say about this, cuz it's really

important, cause old people love to

make their oldest child the executor

or their son.

Now they live in Virginia, youngest

only daughter.

They live in Virginia like you

do, let's say.

And their son lives in Seattle

and they're gonna pick their son

who's in Seattle.

And I'm like, what are you doing?

Mm-hmm.

I really, really don't

recommend this.

It's not a good idea.

You've gotta pick someone who's here,

the, where the estate is, where the

physical need to do the paperwork is.

And I know we do a lot of things online

now, but trust me, it's better to be

where your stuff is.

Yeah, absolutely.

So, absolutely.

So, yeah, and if it's okay with

you, I'd like to veer a little left.

Sure.

Which is just talk about work

and caregiving where people who

work in corporate America mm-hmm.

You have so many things available to

you that you don't even know about.

for instance, you probably have

legal benefits, but you haven't

thought about it in terms of a power

of attorney or powers of attorney

for your parents.

You think about it if you have a D U I

or if you have, an accident, you need

to get a lawyer.

That's a really, as I told you, the

critical piece.

If you have legal benefits, use them

for this part, for the caregiving part,

you can use it for a family member.

Well, this, okay, maybe not, but

I haven't met a lawyer yet who

said is gonna say, no, no, no.

I don't wanna do any work for anybody

else in your family.

Okay.

Oh yeah.

You say, I'm gonna come in,

I'm gonna bring my parents in and.

Would you mind giving us the same

wonderful, 20% off or whatever that

you're giving me.

Mm-hmm.

And then I'm gonna tell my brother

and sister it's probably not for

your family members, but lawyers don't

turn business away.

We're not in the business

of doing that.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

We want clients.

Boy, do we want families?

That's even better.

Right?

So use your legal benefits.

yes.

Use it for your parents in whatever

fashion you can check out.

Long-term care insurance.

Do you have that at work?

Mm-hmm.

Check it out.

Mm-hmm.

Just at least look at it.

When my husband had it many years ago,

you could buy it for your parents.

How cool is that?

Hmm.

And it's coming back in a big way as a

corporate benefit.

Yes.

And if you're in the C-suite, you can

deduct that, premium as a, deductible

either I don't know if it's a health

cost or business cost, but it's a

deductible cost.

Mm-hmm.

do you know what, may be available

for people who are self-employed

or have

so,

so that's one right there.

Long-term care insurance and

then the deduction of the premium.

Absolutely.

That's a perfect example of that.

So the businessing P and then

Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

and also obviously in a work where you

have paid time off and you have F M L

A and all of those things, you can use

them appropriately for caregiving

and caregiving for the people.

It used to be, would, could only

be your spouse, and now they've expanded

it to your parents and I think they've

even expanded it more to other

family members.

Mm-hmm.

So check that out at work.

and then you have.

EAPs with a mental health.

Mental health is a big deal right now.

It's everywhere.

We're all gonna pay for mental health.

Well, if nothing's gonna give you more

mental health stress than caregiving,

I don't know what it is, right?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Use that.

Mm-hmm.

Take advantage of it just because

you don't feel like you're losing your

mind, but you know you're under extra

stress Doesn't mean you shouldn't

be using a mental health benefit.

Mm-hmm.

So, Yeah.

And a lot of it

is kind of delayed kind of reaction.

It is in it.

You're just in it, it's almost

like survival

and people are just very unschooled

about what they have at work that Would

be helpful in this kind of a situation.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And if you, have your own, you know,

I am a solopreneur and I have,

health insurance and through it

I do have mental health benefits.

And so preneurs

hopefully have that element within their

insurance as well.

yeah.

So

tell me like,

all this costs money.

Are there strategies for, how people

who are, this audience is

primarily founders of service-based

businesses.

How they can, be, I mean, strategies for

them to help access and pay for, these

types of services.

So, yes.

It's almost always gonna depend on

whether you're, the person you're

caring for has means or doesn't have

means, all right?

Mm-hmm.

So if they have means they're

gonna have to use their own money,

but again, let 'em pay you Even if

you're bringing in caregivers at

$25 an hour, you should still get

paid for your work.

Mm-hmm.

Your, time should be paid time.

Mm-hmm.

Get paid.

Mm-hmm.

10 99.

so let's say your parents are people

of assets, then if their assets are

gonna be used to pay for their care,

that's typical.

And also ask and find out if they

have long-term care policies.

I didn't find out I was taking, my

brother had ms.

The worst kind, very, very

incapacitated for a long time.

3, 4, 5 years into it.

I found out he had a long-term

care policy.

Oh my goodness.

Oh, we got it finally.

we got all the benefits.

It was wonderful.

But it's like, where was that?

Mm-hmm.

So look through your loved one's papers,

cuz often they don't even know what

they have, right?

So, and that's a place where

money lies.

and sometimes they have life insurance

that has a long-term care rider.

That's a place where money lies.

Mm-hmm.

Often they have bought that and they

forgot about it, or they don't know

how to start it.

They don't know how to implement

it, right?

Mm-hmm.

Annuities often have this thing,

they're called hybrid policies.

Now, a lot of people are buying these

hybrid policies that are long-term

care policy riders attached to a

life insurance benefit, so pay

attention to that.

If you're a solopreneur and

you're taking care of a loved one, or

if you wanna do it for yourself, right?

Mm-hmm.

There's lots of ways to protect.

Yourself.

for a long-term care event.

then there's these agencies.

if you're a person without assets,

Medicaid actually has ways for

you to get paid.

Also, your state will have

things called a waiver program.

That's what it's called.

I don't know why, but that's

what it's called.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and if your loved one is staying

home, they are entitled to benefits

to allow someone to help care for them.

And that's a way for you to also get

paid without going through an agency,

just a person who's caring for them

and they qualify for Medicaid that

you almost always have to do either

through an elder lawyer, which

would be great, or the area of.

Agency, on aging.

Mm-hmm.

Everyone has one somewhere, and it's

called something families, sometimes

it's called, it's called something

like that.

But there, every state has 'em, every

county has them.

Everybody's got 'em.

And that's where you would get

guidance on where the money lies.

so there's money.

Mm-hmm.

Now how you

mentioned eight.

You even caregiver to

eight people is true story simultaneously

sometimes.

how did you do this?

Sometimes it was started out with

my grandmother who was 92 and came to

live with me and my two-year-old

at the same time.

So talk about a sandwich, right?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And those two just loved

ganging up on me.

They thought it was hilarious to

be living this life Of chaos.

Of chaos.

and then I had several, great aunt,

my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law that

I told you about Ms.

while I was the primary

caregiver for my brother-in-law

who had ms.

My very best friend fell down a flight

of stairs and had a traumatic brain

injury and her husband of 34 years.

Left.

Her and She only had friends, her

children lived on the other side of

the country, and so I became her

primary caregiver.

And then her, our other friends also

stepped up, so it was simultaneous.

Mm-hmm.

And all the while being a

solopreneur, right?

Mm-hmm.

So, I'm not gonna lie, my business

slowed down very dramatically.

Mm-hmm.

but I'm also not gonna lie and say

that that wasn't.

the key and the impetus to create

what I do now.

So there's the gift, right?

I see what's happening and yeah.

it was hard.

Yeah, it was hard.

I spent a lot of time taking care

of my kids and my family members and

my friend, because I could, and I will

tell you, I have an amazing, awesome

husband mm-hmm.

Who was more than willing to let me

be that person.

Mm-hmm.

That's probably the biggest key.

Yeah.

And you

said, Work-life balance does

not exist.

What's the closest thing

that comes to it?

Like what?

How

do we protect ourselves?

If you wait long enough, it

comes around.

The closest thing that comes to it is

recognizing that you have to put yourself

first sometimes.

And not when you're dead, and not when

you're exhausted, and not when you're

yelling at everyone because you've

just burnt out.

Mm-hmm.

That you have to figure out

what that is.

So my, calendar has, a workout in

it four days a week.

Right.

And that is sacred time.

Nobody gets that hour except my

trainer, who I hate.

it's like that, right?

and if it's, only a half hour, because

you have, there was a time when I

had a 15 year old and a 12 year old,

and I was taking them to practice,

and my husband was a traveling

salesman, so, right.

Mm-hmm.

Larry, my brother-in-law

is five miles from me in an

independent living, but his wheelchair

broke down.

He can't get anywhere.

Mm-hmm.

I have to find, so yes.

Mm-hmm.

If it's a half hour, I'm gonna read this

book and nobody's gonna talk to me.

every night from nine to nine

30, go away, whatever it is.

and then it's a bigger thing,

like those mental health things,

like you've got to not be, A martyr.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

The thing where they tell you to

put your mask on before you, in

the, if the oxygen goes out in the

plane.

But my mom has given me such great

martyr lessons.

It's really hard to, let that

influence go.

And if she heard me, she'd be like, okay.

She couldn't hear me.

She's right down the street.

Well, she gave you those great jeans,

yeah.

Right.

so that's how you get more

balance mm-hmm.

Is by, by shoving it in that calendar.

Mm-hmm.

And then, I mean, like everything,

right, Erin, life just sort

of balances out.

Mm-hmm.

But I just don't want you to be

destitute at the end of it.

Mm-hmm.

That's what I don't want.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

what if it's, let's say you're

in your fifties and you've been letting

all these things.

Then what?

So, you mean like you don't have

long-term care insurance and

you don't have, so look it up.

I mean, at least look,

pretending that you can't have it.

Oh God.

Is this like the biggest thing that

you do right in your work, outside

of what we're talking about, but

pretending that you can't have it

because you don't do any homework

about what that actually means?

Mm-hmm.

Is the biggest disservice you can

do to yourself?

Just look it up.

see what's out there.

See what you have.

Talk to a professional

who says, okay.

I see you have four life insurance

policies here.

Why?

Maybe we can consolidate them and

make sure there's a long-term care

rider to that.

So now you're protected and

do this one time thing and get

your documents in order, okay?

Mm-hmm.

You're done.

Great job.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mommy's proud.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will

say I'm one of the people who's,

you know, done so many things online

without kind of that intermediary

professional, like a broker,

for insurance or even, for travel.

We kind of are used to doing things

on our own, but there are still.

Insurance brokers in the world is that

we are and I believe these are complex,

this isn't just life insurance.

This is a complex situation and I

really believe, just like lawyers,

you can, I'm gonna tell you right up

front, you can go online and type in

power of attorney.

And something will come up.

I'm not gonna ever tell you to do that.

You can do it for your 18 year old.

Mm-hmm.

Because you'll get a standard document

and they don't own anything, so

who cares, right?

Mm-hmm.

But if you have an ira, if you

have somebody you need, that you're

worrying about who to be in charge of.

I think that's a

conversation with a professional.

What kind of powers do I really want

them to have?

What kind of authority do I

really want this person to have?

how much am I gonna let them into my

stuff or not into my stuff or, whatever.

I don't recommend that you do

that online.

However, if it is absolutely

impossible for you to, and all lawyers

aren't ridiculously out, outrageously

expensive, don't think that either.

Cause it's not a true story, also

not a true story.

You might end up costing yourself

more money by doing the wrong thing.

Than by spending some money up

front and doing the right thing.

We bring

up another point like say you are

not married and you need to find.

Someone to be the Your person.

Yeah.

To your person.

Like, what should we be looking for in,

okay.

So it has to be a person that you

trust, that you really, truly trust.

Mm-hmm.

That is going to because in this

scenario you can't, you're

incapacitated and it could be temporary.

But you're incapacitated.

Now I will say that anybody who takes on

the job as a power of attorney is by

law a fiduciary.

Right.

So by law they are going to be

looked at if they steal from you or

whatever, but you don't want that.

You don't wanna deal with that.

So you want someone who you can trust.

You want someone who's.

Probably financially savvy on the

financial side, and that might not be

the same person.

Maybe you want two people,

someone who's much more savvy or

compassionate on the healthcare side.

don't pull the plug.

I'm having an appendectomy.

Just cause I don't think my brother

listens to this, that he's financial

power attorney, but somebody

else, the medical power attorney.

Yes,

yes.

And, I agree for people and

Florida, I'm in Pennsylvania, so I

am only licensed to practice law here.

But I will tell you that Florida has,

apparently I got a have friends in

Florida, there's some weird thing

in there, laws that says if your

executor has to be a blood relative, Hmm.

I know.

And I didn't believe my friend when she

told me that, I'm like, that can't be

true, but mm-hmm.

It's true.

Hmm.

So what if you don't have any

blood relatives?

Right.

Exactly.

Or what if you don't like them?

Right.

You haven't talked to them.

Yeah.

In 30 years.

Yeah.

so a person.

That you trust in a person that

has knowledge and capability.

Even if it's just for a temporary

time, is the person you and you should

talk to them first and say, I'm going

to ask you if something happens

to be this person.

Mm-hmm.

Will you do that for me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You definitely don't want it to

be a surprise.

Oh no.

Not a good idea.

Because it can

be a fair amount of work.

Absolutely, yes.

So

this is the Hourly Exit podcast, and we

talk about building a scalable and

saleable business.

And so in the context of that,

for our

solopreneurs or entrepreneurs,

where does this fit into making sure

they're building a solid, sustainable

business?

So here's the thing, if you are

working on a solid, sustainable business

right now, What do you have in place

in case something happens to you?

Mm-hmm.

Even if it's temporary.

What happens if you have to step out

for three months or six months

because you got hit by a car, right?

Mm-hmm.

What do you have in place?

That's what Kathy is trying to

get you to do.

Mm-hmm.

Put something in place to give you

the peace of mind so that what Erin

has done, which has helped you

build this business that will sustain

itself while you're healing.

Right.

That's gonna keep going and you're

gonna be over here and all your

documents and everything is in

place, and you don't have to worry about

crisis planning.

Mm-hmm.

So these two professionals

sitting at this table now talking to

you have just given you peace of mind.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So few people think about that.

nobody thinks they're gonna to

get hit by a bus or get long covid

or whatever it is.

Right,

Function.

Yeah.

It's all sort.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, and, it could be as, I don't

wanna say simple as long covid.

It could, because that's not simple,

but it could be as, Like, nobody

sees it but you.

I'm exhausted.

It's like mono, right?

Mm-hmm.

I can do two hours of work today and

then I am done.

I, am done.

I cannot do one more minute.

Right?

And I need someone to do my banking.

I need someone to go get my car serviced.

I need someone, somebody who

has authority to do that.

Just go do that.

Yeah.

Peace of mind.

Yeah.

So smart.

So, I.

Typically don't have lawyers on,

but I'll ask, are you building your

business with an eye towards selling it

someday?

Well, I'm not building my

legal business.

I'm gonna be perfectly

honest with you.

I'm actually more your client than

I am a lawyer because you can

see I got three books behind me.

I've written three books, and my.

Really, work life is speaking to groups,

speaking to ideally large corporations

who will bring in their employees to

talk about these kinds of issues,

but also about what the employer can

do for them when this caregiving

thing affects them as a worker.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

So I'm a speaker.

I'm a speaker and a writer more than

I am a lawyer.

Mm-hmm.

but family and friends, you know,

there's eight different family

members and friends.

Well, there's lots more them around

really.

Cottage industry, you have basically

family members.

Great.

Therefore, well that's wonderful.

Well, thank you for sharing that.

So as we wrap up three final things.

One, the, goal of my podcast

and my consulting business is to

help create a more, equitable economy,

one that works for more of us.

And so I'd love for people to

share a personal organization who's

doing work in that space that they'd

like the audience to find out more about.

my favorite, I'm on the board of

something called Nancy's house.

And Nancy's house breaks the isolation

of caregiving.

Mm-hmm.

And what we do is, although we

have lots of small programs that

you can join in through Facebook,

the Facebook group, just look up

Nancy's house and you can come in for

group counseling twice a month.

That's free.

we have.

Our main mission is to break this

isolation by having retreats that

are usually three days long, three

days, two nights in a five star.

Bed and breakfast where we provide

counseling, yoga, massages,

and love it.

There's only 10 people.

Mm-hmm.

So you actually build a,

community right there of people

who understand what you're

going through.

Yeah.

it is a wonderful, wonderful

organization.

Yeah.

Oh, that's

fantastic.

Thank you for that.

And so is there something exciting

happening in your business

or something new that you'd

like to tell us

about or an offer for the audience?

You like to share?

Well, I always offer this to

any audience.

You can contact me.

I'm sure we're gonna give you

it in the notes.

Yes, everything.

Share notes, absolutely.

Kathy dot sikorski gmail.com and I

will talk to you for half hour

about anything you wanna talk about.

We can talk about my earrings, we

can talk about caregiving, we

can talk about.

But I will talk to you hopefully

about these important issues.

If you have any questions, as I

said, I'm only licensed in

Pennsylvania, but I can give you some

general guidance and if any real

personal questions about caregiving

or whatever, yes, you get 30

minutes of my time.

Wonderful.

That

is so generous.

Thank you.

And so finally, where can people

find you in addition to your

website, which you just, shared?

Are there other places you hang out

online that we can

find?

Oh gosh, yeah.

Just Google me, honestly.

I'm like the first four pages

under my name.

If you can type Kathy Sikorski, you

will see everything that I am doing.

I'm on LinkedIn.

Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn.

I love connecting with people in.

All kinds of work on LinkedIn

because caregiving touches everyone.

So connect with me on LinkedIn.

I'm on Amazon for my books.

so just type in my name again and,

you will see lots of things that I'm

doing in terms of writing articles

for people and on podcasts and, yeah.

Wonderful.

I'm everywhere.

Thank you so much.

You've

been incredibly generous with

your time and your wisdom.

Much appreciated.

Erin, thank you so much for having me.

I think this is such an important

conversation and I'm so honored that you

recognize that as well, so I really

truly appreciate it.