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WoW 135: On understanding addiction, Recovery Part 11 [Words of Wisdom]
Episode 4429th May 2024 • Words of Wisdom • Josh Kalsbeek, LMFT
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Understanding Addiction Recovery: A Comprehensive Insight

In this episode of 'Words of Wisdom,' Josh explores the complex nature of addiction and its various dimensions, including psychological, physiological, narrative, and spiritual aspects. He differentiates between habits and addictions, emphasizing the profound impact of addiction on one's life and relationships. Josh also highlights the importance of seeking help, sharing insights from experts like Dr. Gabor Mate and Patrick Carnes. Reflecting on personal control over behaviors and understanding addiction can be the first steps toward recovery and a life of flourishing.

00:00 Introduction to Understanding Addiction

00:42 Exploring the Concept of Addiction

01:15 The Four Levels of Addiction

01:56 Habits vs. Addictions: A Deep Dive

02:42 The Devastating Impact of Addiction

03:26 Understanding the Purpose and Control of Addiction

05:00 Seeking Help and Recovery from Addiction

05:19 Expert Insights on Addiction

06:39 Reflective Questions and Conclusion

About Josh Kalsbeek, LMFT

As a Psychoherapist Josh helps people overcome their greatest struggles.

•Founder and CEO of Great Oaks Collective, and it's flagship program Overcome, a 10-Week virtual Intensive Outpatient Program for Christian couples experiencing sexual betrayal and addiction. www.greatoakscollective.com

• Sign up to receive Josh's weekly email newsletter, Words of Wisdom. ​

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Links

Dr. Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert and author of ​In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts​

Patrick J. Carnes, considered the grandfather of sex addiction treatment, ​Out of the Shadows​

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Support this podcast by buying a book through one of the links above.

Support the podcast

Transcripts

Josh:

Words of Wisdom 135 on Understanding Addiction Recovery Part 11 Repeatedly

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choosing unwanted sexual behaviors,

abusing alcohol or other substances

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can be confusing, even baffling.

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On the one hand, we are all

responsible for our choices.

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On the other hand, it may really seem

like you are a victim of your own choices.

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There are different ways to talk about

this, different attempts people have

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made throughout history to describe this

phenomenon, sin, the flesh, unwanted

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behavior, compulsivity, addiction.

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Today, we are going to

talk about addiction.

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We will shed light on the concept

of addiction and help you better

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understand how it might apply

to your life or to a loved one.

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Addiction is a word that has a

lot of meaning and connotations.

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Some of you might 100

percent be convinced.

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That you are addicted.

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Others might be terrified by the idea.

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And some of you might be

adamantly opposed to the term.

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So let's slow down and take some

time to reflect on addiction.

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We can think about addiction

on many different levels.

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Here are four.

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First, Psychological.

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The thoughts and feelings that

contribute to addictive behavior.

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The shame, lies, pain, trauma that

contributes to addictive behavior.

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Second, Physiological.

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This is the physical and chemical

functions of the body and how

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the body and brain interact.

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Third, Story.

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The narratives and meaning made

from life experiences that impacts

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one's identity and choices.

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Fourth, spiritual.

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The relationship between self and God,

the depth of presence and connection to

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God and His power, and His redeeming love.

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Today we can start by reflecting

on the psychological level, looking

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at habits versus addictions.

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A habit is a behavior that is

developed through repetition.

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It's a choice that gets

applied to specific situations.

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Over time, they become

unconscious, automatic behaviors.

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Healthy habits ultimately lead to positive

long term outcomes and are balanced

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within the overall context of one's life.

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Unhealthy habits, of course, lead

to negative long term outcomes and

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degrade the quality of your life.

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So much of the quality of your

life is determined by your habits.

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Small actions over time determine

whether you flourish or live in chaos.

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An addiction, however, is

different than a habit.

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It's a complex condition that

affects both the mind and body.

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It begins with the use of a

substance or behavior which gradually

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escalates into a compulsion that

takes control over the individual.

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As the addiction progresses, it

leads to devastating long term

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consequences and creates a profound

imbalance in the person's life,

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affecting their relationships,

work, and overall well being.

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In later stages, the addiction is the

dominating factor in the person's life,

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controlling and impacting every aspect of

life, and it ultimately leads to death.

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Addiction serves various unconscious

purposes for the individual, often

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rooted in attempting to manage or

escape from the challenges of reality.

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It can be a means to cope with

the difficulties and pain of life,

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providing a temporary escape from

overwhelming emotions or circumstances.

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Addiction may also be used to numb

uncomfortable feelings or alter one's

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mood, offering a false sense of control

over an otherwise uncontrollable reality.

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For some addiction, combats a deep

seated sense of powerlessness, while

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for others it fulfills a craving

for intensity and excitement.

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Ultimately, addiction is

a maladaptive response.

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To the complexities of the human

experience, promising relief,

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but delivering destruction.

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The key is to ask if you are in control of

your desires and your behaviors, if they

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serve you, or if they are in control of

you, if you've been powerless, and if your

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behavior has caused unwanted consequences.

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Sex isn't bad.

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Alcohol isn't bad.

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It's what you do with it.

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The choices you make.

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The meaning you make.

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It's the power that it

has over you that matters.

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At the end of the day, you must ask

yourself, "Are my behaviors enabling

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me to live life according to my values?

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Or are my unhealthy desires

dominating or destroying my life?"

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If you or someone you love

is struggling with addiction,

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remember that help is available.

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Reaching out to a trusted friend, family

member, therapist, or support group

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can be the first step towards recovery.

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Never underestimate the bravery

it takes to seek help when

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struggling with addiction.

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Quotes "At the heart of any addiction

is a deep seated sense of helplessness.

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The addict feels utterly powerless to

stop the compulsive behavior, despite

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the negative consequences it brings.

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This profound powerlessness is often

rooted in childhood trauma or emotional

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wounds that have never healed.

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The addiction serves as a desperate

attempt to numb the pain and escape the

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feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

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But it only compounds the

problems, creating a vicious cycle

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of shame and self destruction.

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The path to recovery begins with

admitting this powerlessness and seeking

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help to address the underlying issues."

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By Dr.

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Gabor Mate, a renowned addiction

expert and author of the book,

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In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.

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"Like an alcoholic unable to

stop drinking, sexual addicts

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are unable to stop their self

destructive sexual behavior.

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Family breakups, financial disaster,

loss of jobs, and risk to life are

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the painful themes of their stories.

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By Patrick Carnes, considered the

grandfather of sex addiction treatment

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in his book, Out of the Shadows.

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Questions.

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Based on what you learned, how

would you answer the question

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often asked of addicts?

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"Why can't they just stop?"

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to what degree are you powerless

to stop a certain struggle?

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Use these questions as a journal prompt

and to guide your prayers this week.

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End note.

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Understanding addiction is the first

step towards empowering yourself or your

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loved ones to overcome its grasp and

embrace a life of freedom and flourishing.

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Live wisely.

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Josh

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