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We’re diving into the paradox of happiness today, and it’s a real eye-opener. You can’t be happy and want to be happy at the same time, which is something we all tend to overlook. I’ve spent my life chasing happiness through promotions, relationships, and little wins, only to find out it’s all temporary. The truth is, happiness isn’t about those high moments; it’s about finding peace in the everyday stuff, the mundane. So, let's explore what it means to just be okay and how recognizing that can lead to true happiness.

It is no secret that everybody wants to be happy. Let's face it, is that dream of it is just around the corner keeps us going. However, does it ever make you happy? In this podcast, Steven Webb talks about the paradox of happiness. Ultimately, if you understand this you will be happy.

Life’s a wild ride, and happiness? Well, it’s a tricky little thing, isn’t it? I can’t help but think back to when I was younger, dreaming about being happy. I’d sit in those school career talks, daydreaming about my future, relationships, and that elusive happiness. It’s funny how I still find myself in that same boat, almost 50 now, still chasing that feeling. But here’s the kicker: happiness isn’t something we can just grab and hold onto forever. We spend so much time thinking that once we get that promotion, or the perfect partner, or even the latest gadget, that’s when we’ll finally be happy. But every time we reach for it, it feels like it slips right back out of our grasp. It’s like a rollercoaster ride – we have those highs, but they come crashing back down. What I’ve learned through all this is that true happiness isn’t out there waiting for us to find it. It’s more about how we experience life day to day, whether it’s in the mundane tasks or those fleeting moments of joy. It’s all about understanding that happiness is not just about the highs; it’s also about the calm and the ordinary moments in between.

Let’s dig into the paradox of happiness a bit deeper. You see, I’ve come to realize that we can’t be truly happy while we’re constantly wanting happiness. It’s a cycle that keeps us on our toes, always looking for the next big thrill or the next shiny thing. But what if I told you that happiness is right in the middle? It’s not just those exhilarating experiences that we often chase after. It’s the simplicity of a good day, doing the dishes, or enjoying a quiet moment. I’ve had my fair share of struggles too; being paralyzed and dealing with health issues hasn’t made it easy. Yet, I find myself happy, and it’s not because I’ve got everything figured out, but because I understand happiness for what it is – a state of being that exists alongside all the ups and downs of life.

So, the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re happy, take a moment to think about what happiness really is. It’s not just about those big, flashy experiences. It’s about appreciating the little things, the everyday moments that make life feel a bit brighter. We often get caught up in comparing ourselves to others, thinking their lives are so much better because they post all the highlights. But behind every highlight reel, there’s a lot of mundane life that goes unseen. So let’s reframe how we view happiness; it’s not about chasing the next big thing. It’s about recognizing that we already have what we need to be happy right here and now. We just need to take a step back, breathe, and enjoy the ride, because, in the end, we’re already happy, we just need to see it.

Takeaways:

• Happiness is often misunderstood; it's not about chasing experiences or items.
• The paradox of happiness suggests that wanting happiness can prevent us from experiencing it.
• True happiness exists in the mundane moments of life, not just in peak experiences.
• Life is a series of experiences; happiness is found in the calm, everyday moments.
• Chasing happiness is like chasing a carrot; the more you chase, the further it gets.
• Recognizing that we already have the key to happiness may change our perspective on life.

When I was a young boy, I remember wanting to be happy, and I remember thinking about what would make me happy when I was a teenager.

I remember going to careers at school and thinking about relationships and my future family.

And I wanted to be happy.

And if anybody asked me what I wanted to be when I was older, I wanted to be happy.

The odd thing in my life would make me happy temporarily.

And if anybody would ask me what I wanted for the next few years, I would kind of say in a roundabout way, I would say, I want to be happy.

Okay, that might have included an item or included some kind of project that I was trying to complete at the time, but essentially I wanted to be happy.

And that's a true story.

And Now I'm nearly 50, and I want to be happy.

How funny it is.

And I think this is a pattern throughout our lives.

And I want to discuss the paradox of being happy, the paradox of happiness on today's podcast.

I'm Stephen Webb, and this is Stillness in the Storms, and welcome to, really a new season, because I haven't done it for a little bit.

I'm currently the mayor of Truro, so my life has become really busy at the moment, but I'm loving the privilege of doing the job.

And.

And I'm going to get back into recording more podcasts.

So here.

Here's one of them, really.

And I'll be sharing some of the things I'm doing on the job as well as still, about the inner peace and the meditation and things like that.

But, yeah, this is a podcast that helps you to think a little bit differently, to help you become more aware and give you more inner peace.

So the paradox of happiness, you know, what is it?

Well, in one sentence, the paradox of happiness is you cannot be happy and want to be happy at the same time.

You cannot want something and have something.

And the problem is, we spend our whole lives thinking that if I get my job promotion, if I get a partner, if my children would be a little quieter or if I just had, if I was less ill or I got a good diagnosis or I could run just a little bit quicker, lose a few pound, or, you know, all of these things are going to make us happy.

You know, my whole life has been based on, once I get this, I'll be happy.

Once I get a new microphone for my podcast, my podcast can be better and I'll be happier.

Once I get my new electric wheelchair, I'll be happier.

And the reality is it works for a little bit.

I feel a bit better.

I Have a wonderful experience of getting it, but it comes back to normal in the end.

Every single time.

It comes back to normal.

Really.

One thing I've learned, nothing will make me happy.

Nothing will make you happy.

There's not anything out there that's going to come into your life that's going to make you happy.

You're not going to become that state of happiness, and that's okay for the rest of your life.

It's all done, sorted.

Because something's going to come along and you're not going to like and you're not going to enjoy, and then your life's going to be a little less happy again.

And then we.

We're going to look for the thing to make you happy.

So this cycle all the time of, you know, I want to be happy, I'm happy, I'm okay.

And happiness is really a relative term to how you're feeling at the moment.

You know, if.

If I'm freezing cold, putting on a jumper or getting my hat, that makes me happy.

If I'm hungry, somebody coming along and giving me my lunch makes me happy.

If I'm thirsty, a drink, you know, if I'm tired, fall into sleep makes me happy.

So it's relative.

So basically the end goal is just a slight improvement on our current lives.

And I was having a conversation with my daughter the other day about this exact thing, and she said, well, you're always happy, though you always seem to be happy.

How come you are?

And this question's come up so many times in my life by so many people, and my answer has changed.

And I don't know whether my answer over the years has got wiser or more ignorant.

I really don't know.

But why am I happy?

I'm paralyzed just below the neck.

My got limited arm movement.

I suffer from autonomic dysreflexia that can strike at any minute.

That makes me incredibly ill. That could result in a stroke or death.

It's a medical emergency.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

If you look it up on the Internet, it's like, oh, that's freaky.

Or that's quite, like, really bad.

It's not that bad.

I've lived with it for 30 years and I've got all the same issues.

You know, the universe didn't go, oh, he's got enough problems, he's paralyzed.

You know, I still got all the same.

I still got to pay my bills.

I still want to do all the other things that are mundane in life, you know, all the things I still get all the other illnesses as well, you know, it doesn't let me off all the other illnesses.

In actual fact, they all stack up a little more.

But I'm relatively happy.

But.

So why is that?

And years ago, I used to say, well, I choose to be.

I choose to be happy.

And there's some truth to that.

And then a few years later, I'll be, well, I'm grateful for what I have.

Well, there's some truth in that, too.

And now when someone says, well, what makes you happy?

It's because I understand happiness.

And I understand what I suppose is the best way of explaining it is the paradox of being happy.

Now then, life is full of experiences.

Every moment of every day.

In your waking state, you're having an experience.

You could argue in deep sleep, you're having an experience, but you're not really aware of it.

So let's stick to the things that we're aware of.

So if you're cold, you're having an experience of discomfort.

If you're.

If you can't pay your bills and you're worried about your house, you have an experience of, you know, all kinds of things, shame and all that.

And you're just feeling dreadful.

You could be feeling ill if you just had a bad diagnosis from the doctor or something like that, you're feeling quite awful.

It's an experience.

If you go to a concert and you have a wonderful feeling and, you know, you notice during a concert, they play a few of their new songs and then they play a few of their oldies, and then a couple of years, and they build it up right to the end, until you get to nearly the end of the concert and you're wondering, why haven't they played their most famous hit yet?

Because they walk off stage, they're waiting for everyone to go, encore.

More, more.

Because by now the crowd's really loving it, really loving it.

They're slightly disappointed that they haven't played the song.

And they come out and they sit down and they jam to their most famous song, their number one, may have been their only number one.

And you just feel amazing.

They've given you this extra bit of time.

They've left the best until last, the end of the thing.

Everybody's quiet, you're swaying, you've got your lighters in your hand, burning your thumb.

You know, I've been there.

And you just.

And you sit there and go, do you know what this is, what life's about?

This feeling, this uplifted, wonderful experience?

This is happiness.

But it Isn't.

It's the thing that's a wonderful experience, an amazing experience, no different than the early months of a relationship.

What an amazing experience that is to be in an early relationship.

I remember it well, you know, in the first couple of months of my relationships when I was a teenager, if they phoned me up and said, you want to come over tonight?

And it was two foot deep in snow, I'd be like, yeah, I'm there.

Three miles walk.

I don't mind.

My feet can be falling off with cold.

I'm there because it feels so good.

The experience and being with them feels amazing.

Give it another three months now.

Sorry.

There's an inch of snow out there now.

Sorry, it looks like rain.

I don't think so.

You'll have to come over here because the experience is not quite so high at that point.

But we look at the first three months of relationship as that's a relationship.

It's not.

We look at the.

The last encore song as that's what's amazing about life.

So we go out and walk in nature.

We stand next to the ocean and we go, this is life.

This is happiness.

And we want to recreate that feeling, that experience in everyday life.

I want that while I'm going to work in a traffic jam, I want that while I'm sat waiting in the doctors, I want that wonderful feeling two years into my relationship.

And the reality is, you're not going to have that.

Because if you had that at all points, you would want more.

It's always wanting more.

You know, you take anybody that gets addicted to anything, they want more, and they want more.

They always say, oh, just one will do.

It's never enough.

And yet you take intimacy.

Let's be.

Let's be really, really, really blunt here.

When you start a relationship, if.

If you just, like, experiment a little bit, that's all right.

That's like amazing.

Three weeks in, it's like, yeah, we're still doing the same kind of thing.

We try this now seven years in.

Really, we need to find something new to do.

This is like, I can keep doing the same thing.

You know, we're always trying to up the ante, you know, and we think when we up the ante, we'll be happy, but we won't be because it'll be just an experience.

So go back to that question of why am I happy?

Why am I tending to be happy?

Because I recognize the difference between happiness and experiences.

And when we see life as a collection of experiences, whether it's a Mundane or a bad experience or a great experience.

We recognize that happiness is right in the middle.

Happiness is that line across the middle that nothing much is happening, that you feel calm and you just.

One of those days that when someone says, oh, so how was your day?

It's like, yeah, it was all right.

That's happiness.

That's good.

It's not bad, and it's not an amazing experience.

It's right there in the middle.

It's doing the hoovering, doing the dishes.

It's living the normality of every day.

That's where happiness is.

So the next time someone says to you, are you happy?

Really?

Consider what happiness is.

Next time someone says to you about experiences or what you really enjoy, relive them in your mind and share those experiences.

But don't misunderstand them as those are the things you need to be happy, because the more you get attached to that, those are the things that make you happy.

The more that attachment will make you miserable because the more you'll think your normal life compared to others, because whenever you meet others, they'll tell you all their wonderful experiences and you're like, yeah, that seems so much better than mine.

Your life is so much more happier than mine.

No, it's not.

They're not sharing the mundane four hours that they were waiting for the washing to go around, waiting in work or just doing the mundane editing or whatever you.

Whatever we do in life, we don't share those with our friends.

And Facebook's made even worse.

You look at my Twitter, on my Facebook, I'm sharing all the cool stuff.

I'm not sharing.

Sorry, last four hours has been really boring.

I haven't really done much.

The weather has not been that exciting.

No one would follow me if I did that.

So we wouldn't have very many friends if we shared the reality of real.

So we end up in this paradox of, I want to live like them, I want to be happy, I want to have better experiences, and I want them all the time.

You know, I want that intimacy that gives me that wonderful, glowing, burning enjoyment inside.

And I want it 24 hours a day, all the time.

Please.

And when we realize that that's not possible and we enjoy those as temporary highs, then we can sit back and go, well, do you know what?

I am happy already.

I don't need them to be happy.

I'm just going to enjoy them.

You know, they're like the cream on the happiness.

They're not happiness itself.

Hope that makes sense, you know, Contact me, go to my website stephenweb.com spell with V& send me a message.

Does that make sense?

Leave me a review on the podcast.

They really help.

They.

They really make my day.

A.

They give me feedback on am I in the right direction, am I helping you, and am I helping you to think a little bit differently?

And plus, they just.

I was gonna say they make me a little happier.

No, they give me a wonderful experience when I read them.

So if you can do that for me today, that would be incredible.

Amazing.

Just leave a little review on the podcast.

Whatever platform you listen to this podcast on, leave a little review.

And if you're feeling really awesome and happy and you've had a wonderful experience, please share this podcast.

That'd be awesome as well.

Yeah, Think of.

Think of happiness in a little different way.

Happiness is in the mundane because if you have bad news, you just want to be happy.

And that's the middle line.

If you have a really good experience, you try to hold on to that experience.

So, you know, just reframe happiness.

And when you do that, you'll end up not being attached to, needing that happiness.

I'm going to leave it with one analogy about happiness.

And it's like dangling the carrot in front of you.

So you imagine a stick that comes up from behind you, out over the front of you, out over the top of you, and it's dangling a carrot in front of you.

And the more you move forward, the more the carrot moves forward, and the faster you go, the carrot comes slightly closer, but it never comes quite far enough.

So you're always chasing the faster you go and the faster the carrot's going.

And then at some point, you give up.

Can't do it.

I'm going to stop right here.

I'm not going to chase the carrot anymore.

And the problem is that feels quite miserable, that feels quite down.

So you have an experience of, ah, my life sucks, maybe, and the carrot disappears because it continues, and it continues off ahead of you.

And then something amazing happens when you stop chasing happiness.

At some point, the carrot comes back to you, swinging back, and for the first time, you grab hold of it and take a bite.

Lucky.

I like carrots.

Actually, that's the analogy.

The more you chase something, the more it'll be further away.

The more you want it, the further it is away.

So if you stop chasing happiness and just enjoy life's experiences and don't become attached to it, so you don't need anything to make yourself happy, you're already happy.

Take a deep breath.

Sit there.

If I came into your house tonight and took away some of the things that you really enjoy, your quilt and things like that to give you a good night's sleep, you'd be less happy than you are now.

So I challenge you to think about that.

You're already happy because you've got the things that make you happy already.

And there's the paradox of happiness.

You already have everything.

You're already happy.

It's already there.

You don't need anything to make you happy.

When you get more things, you'll end up with more experiences, more happiness.

I hope that helps.

I hope that helps.

I hope that helps you to reframe happiness.

Take care.

Have a wonderful week.

And I will be back next week with another podcast.

And if you do leave a review, that would be incredible and amazing and the best thing you can do for me right now is to leave a review.

Take care.

Bye.