10 2

How Reiki Became Her Rescue Meet Jennifer Rogers

Show Notes

 What We Talk About: - How Reiki found Jennifer and became her peace - The meaning behind “Ukiyo” and why it reflects living in the moment - Surviving sexual abuse from multiple stepfathers - The moment an 8-year-old girl listened to the voice that saved her - The ripple of generational trauma through four generations of women - Her decision to break the cycle - Rebuilding a relationship with her mother through radical empathy and healing - Creating safe space for others to reclaim their power

Bio

Jennifer is a resilient international best selling co-author, Reiki Master, Podcast host, and clairvoyant dedicated to empowering others through personal healing and transformation. After overcoming the challenges of childhood sexual abuse, Jennifer has emerged with a profound understanding of resilience and healing. Today she inspires others to embrace their own paths to healing. With a deep connection to energy work and intuitive guidance, Jennifer provides support for individuals seeking inner peace and empowerment. Embracing a holistic approach, Jennifer embodies the strength that comes from vulnerability, authenticity and courage.

Links & Socials

🔗 How to Connect with Jennifer Rogers: Website: Ukiyo Wellness  Facebook Page:  Ukiyo Wellness  Instagram: @ukiyoiwellness

Podcast: Affirm That Sh!t on Apple Podcasts

If You’re in Crisis: If you’re in North America, text 988 for free, 24/7 support.

Elsewhere? Please reach out to your local suicide prevention or mental health hotline. #YouMatter

💬 Subscribe, rate, and share if this episode moved you.

It could be the lifeline someone else didn’t know they needed. #ConverSAVEtions

Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All website

©2025-2018 Elaine Lindsay SZF42.com All rights reserved.

https://suicide-zen-forgiveness.captivate.fm/episode/how-reiki-became-her-rescue-meet-jennifer-rogers

Elaine Lindsay

Explicit

When moving forward seems too much.

2

When you feel totally out of touch

3

Hope is seeping ou the

door You find yourself.

4

Curled on the floor.

5

The thoughts swirl around

all jumbled and messed.

6

Why is this brain so darkly obsessed?

7

I've secrets I've never confessed,

8

haven't told the soul I have depressed.

9

A gentle whisper through

the pain, “Remember

10

rainbows.

11

Follow rain.

12

Breathe deeply.

13

Hold on tight.

14

Your hope will return.

15

Shining breath

16

Embrace the now, release the past,

In forgiveness, peace will last.

17

You matter deeply,

18

you're not alone, Reach out,

19

Let your strength be shown.

20

@TheDarkPollyanna: Hello there.

21

It's good to be back.

22

I'm Elaine Lindsay.

23

This is suicide zen forgiveness.

24

And today I have a very lovely guest.

25

I'll tell you in all honesty,

Jennifer and I have already

26

been talking for half an hour.

27

This is Jennifer Rogers.

28

Please welcome her with open arms.

29

Jennifer and I met I think a

little over a month ago, and it's

30

like we've been friends forever.

31

I see something by Jennifer or whatever,

and I think, oh, Jennifer might

32

like that, or, and it's so bizarre.

33

It's one thing to say that happens.

34

It's another thing when it happens.

35

And I still have friends from 50 years

ago who were those kind of friends.

36

So for me, that is, that's

just , an amazing gift.

37

So welcome gift.

38

@Jennifer Rogers: You are Well,

you are so welcome for my presence.

39

Yay.

40

And thank you.

41

In return.

42

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh yeah.

43

It's it's just been

absolutely lovely meeting you.

44

And yeah, we probably, if we

hadn't remembered that we have

45

to record, we would still be

talking later tonight, I think.

46

@Jennifer Rogers: I agree.

47

I agree.

48

And we may send Marco

Polos after the recording.

49

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yes.

50

There you go.

51

There you go.

52

So as per usual, we are going to let

Jennifer give us a little bit of a

53

look into who she is and what she does.

54

Now, before we go ahead and get into

her story, I just want to say off

55

the bat, I'll have everything below

in our show notes and we will have

56

a link for you later as well so that

you too can connect with Jennifer.

57

On that note, I'm just going to

say, go ahead and give us a little

58

bit of information about you.

59

New Peel Wellness is your company.

60

I just wanna practice that name,

but I'll let you take it from there.

61

@Jennifer Rogers: Yes, thank you.

62

You said it perfectly,

so no practice needed.

63

You've got it.

64

Yuki Wellness, I am a

UI and una reiki master.

65

And if I could just do reiki all day

long, that is my passion, whether it's

66

in person or distance or virtual, as

you may have heard it before, but the

67

piece that really speaks to me starts

with the name Yuchi O because a lot

68

of people may question, what is reiki?

69

How can it help me?

70

How does it work if we're

not even in the same space?

71

And energy is transferable

no matter where we are.

72

And I love being the first person

to introduce someone to reiki.

73

And so when I was thinking of a name for

my business, I really spent some time.

74

Internalizing, what is it

that I want to deliver?

75

What is it that I want

others to experience with me?

76

And so going back and paying homage

to the Japanese culture, because

77

that's where Ricky is coming from.

78

I dove in and found the word yuchi.

79

And if you're familiar with Japanese

art, it is actually the floating world.

80

So you could see as above,

so below that type thing.

81

So it is an art form, right?

82

So definitely.

83

But there's an extension of that,

and it's the extension that resonated

84

with me and the extension of Yuki

O is living in the moment and

85

detached from the bothers of life.

86

And that's what I know my clients

experience when they're with me,

87

that they can let everything else go.

88

Wow.

89

And just focus on

themselves for that time.

90

@TheDarkPollyanna: Then that is

even more appropriate to have you

91

here because since, I don't know,

92

signatures, it says live in the moment.

93

@Jennifer Rogers: Oh

94

@TheDarkPollyanna: yeah.

95

It was when I first started working with

my son calls her the holistic missile.

96

She was my spiritual mentor and she got

me to believe and live in the moment.

97

'cause in essence, it's all we have.

98

@Jennifer Rogers: That is true.

99

And we get to decide what that moment is.

100

Yes.

101

@TheDarkPollyanna: That choice is

absolutely that choice, I think is

102

So I gotta ask, what led you.

103

@Jennifer Rogers: So like

many reiki fell in my lap.

104

And once I was introduced to it, it was,

and I've said this and I've actually

105

written this in a contributing book that

I've helped author that it was the missing

106

piece and it's now my peace, P-E-A-C-E.

107

Oh, that's beautiful.

108

Yes.

109

And so it was an invitation

from my mother-in-law that,

110

Hey, my friend is a reiki master

and she's holding this course.

111

Would you like to go with me?

112

And absolutely we went and it was

always wonderful and is wonderful

113

to spend time with my mother-in-law.

114

And so we ended up being the

only students in class that day.

115

And from the moment I walked in and

then was given the training material and

116

then go through the attunement process.

117

It's I've always known this.

118

I've always had this part of me, I just

didn't know what it was called and I

119

didn't quite know what to do with it.

120

And that's why I've said it was the

missing piece and it's my piece.

121

@TheDarkPollyanna: But it, in all

honesty, I think every person that I've

122

heard, like how they came to Reiki,

it's not oh, I wanna be a veterinarian,

123

or I wanna be a brain surgeon, or

I wanna be a dancer, what have you.

124

It is something that finds you, I

would agree with that wholeheartedly.

125

Yeah.

126

Wow.

127

Wow.

128

That is very cool.

129

So how long have you been practicing now?

130

@Jennifer Rogers: I am

going into my fourth year.

131

Oh

132

@TheDarkPollyanna: wow.

133

Wow.

134

@Jennifer Rogers: So it was.

135

I was all in.

136

There was no if you were, if Reiki

was for sale, I was over buying.

137

I was all in from that first day.

138

And so the first day was a

really long day because it was

139

level one and two attunements.

140

Oh wow.

141

It was come back and as 'cause

you're level two attuned.

142

You have that 21 day of self care

and self practice and there was a lot

143

going on during that time because you

have to be dedicated to be successful.

144

Anything.

145

And then if it's something that's

going to benefit your health, you

146

really have to be dedicated even on

the days that you don't wanna get up.

147

Day 14, day 17, and you're like, ah,

how many more days do I have to do this?

148

But it wasn't that for me.

149

Every day I was like, oh, today I

get to work on this part, or today

150

I get to try this or whatever.

151

Then I moved and the community

I moved from, there wasn't

152

many who practiced Reiki Uhhuh.

153

And so I moved.

154

Now I live in Norman, Oklahoma and

there is a whole community, and

155

I've actually found my soul sisters

and soul brothers in the same path.

156

And they are, they were reiki masters.

157

And I was not interested at the

time in becoming a reiki master.

158

I felt confident in doing,

at my level what I could do.

159

But I read something about Una Reiki.

160

@TheDarkPollyanna: Ah,

161

@Jennifer Rogers: okay.

162

I want to go further because Una Reiki.

163

Heals at the cellular level and it heals.

164

So you're talking about we can even,

help heal earth, we can heal past

165

traumas, we can help heal relationships.

166

There's so much that it can do.

167

And I thought, wow, I'm already

seeing some of that with my

168

clients that are coming in.

169

How great would it be to

offer this extension for them?

170

But the caveat is to become

Corona Reiki master, you have

171

to be a reiki master already.

172

So I go back 'cause I am

a loyal person to my core.

173

I go back to my reiki master and I ask

if she would attune me to master level.

174

And she was not interested in doing

the reiki master teacher at that point.

175

So once I had her blessing that

it was okay to go to a different

176

instructor, then I went to a different

master and become used to a master.

177

I worked in that, and then about a

year later went into Karuna Reiki.

178

Wow.

179

And it is, it's a

beautiful gift, honestly,

180

@TheDarkPollyanna: that God,

that, that is just incredible.

181

And yeah.

182

I don't know enough about Karuna.

183

I'm gonna have to find out more now.

184

Absolutely.

185

So does that mean you had to go

back and become a master of Yasui?

186

I did have to become

187

@Jennifer Rogers: a Usui master first.

188

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, wow.

189

Wow.

190

That, wow.

191

That's, I didn't realize.

192

So you're a master in two forms?

193

@Jennifer Rogers: I am.

194

Wow.

195

@TheDarkPollyanna: That's

a lot of attunement.

196

That's a lot of studying.

197

And wow.

198

That's.

199

I, part of me is jelli.

200

No, everything in a good way.

201

Yeah.

202

Jelly.

203

That, that you've assimilated

all this knowledge.

204

'cause I just knowledge is like

the best chocolate in the world.

205

@Jennifer Rogers: Oh my gosh.

206

Yes.

207

And to go with your analogy of chocolate.

208

When I work with clients,

what do they need?

209

Are they a white

chocolate type of service?

210

Are they milk?

211

Are they dark?

212

Do they like cookies and cream?

213

Do they want it, in a bar?

214

Do they want it melted, like a topping.

215

And so that's just part of what I do.

216

You and you've worked with clients,

Elaine, you know how it is.

217

You have all these tools, but

you may only need one or two

218

to get through the situation.

219

And so it depends on what we're

working on, whether we're going

220

into Yasui or to Una or maybe

I'm using, some of both symbols.

221

@TheDarkPollyanna: That's what

I was wondering, because quite

222

often it's something that people

don't always understand about

223

what I consider the esoteric arts.

224

Yes.

225

You tend to pull from what you need

to meet the client where they are.

226

And I, I think it's wonderful because

to me it, in a way it's very sad.

227

Western medicine does not have the

same, I don't want, leeway is not

228

the word I'm looking for, but they

don't have the same ability to

229

interweave the pieces that you need.

230

Correct.

231

Which I think is probably why it's lacking

and needs all the older wisdoms and all

232

of these things because it, it does not

have that, the word really is flexibility.

233

@Jennifer Rogers: Flexibility

and again, speaking intention.

234

Speaking, I think the most common

word you will hear is intuitively

235

feeling that mind, gut, but it

goes deeper than that for me.

236

Especially in a distance session,

because I will ask, let's say

237

it's your first session with me.

238

We're going to have a phone call first,

and there's a series of questions I'm

239

going to ask, but I don't need, nor do I

want to know everything that's going on.

240

Yeah.

241

Because I'm connecting with you

energetically and your energy

242

is going to share with me

what you need in that moment.

243

After that first session, we

move into session two and beyond.

244

I don't call you prior to the session and

in distance, it's not like we're recording

245

doing Zoom or anything virtual like this.

246

It literally is a block of time.

247

Elaine, you have a session with me

and your time is from 10 to 10 30.

248

Then at 10 o'clock in your space,

wherever you are going to be sitting,

249

you're going to be lying, you're gonna

listen to music, you're going to have,

250

if you wanna cover with a blanket,

whatever you are comfortable doing in

251

your space is what you will be doing.

252

I simply ask you to be

present in that time.

253

And then on my side, I work in my reiki

room, just as if you were here with me.

254

From start to finish.

255

And it's amazing because I can confidently

say today that I am clairvoyant and

256

so I will receive this information.

257

There may be times that I hear

something, there may be times that a

258

picture or a partial picture comes up.

259

Most recent example was a session

last week, and I take notes during

260

the session because I'm not gonna

remember everything that comes Yeah.

261

Or goes.

262

And so after your session, so

for example, yours was 10 to 10,

263

30, I call you at ten thirty one.

264

I call you one minute after session, and

then I share with you all of my notes

265

first, because I don't want you or any

other client to ever feel like I'm just

266

repeating something that you've said.

267

Yeah.

268

And so in this session last

week, I literally wrote down on

269

this person's page, I am worthy.

270

And she comes back and she says,

you, you couldn't have known that.

271

How do you know that?

272

This is wild.

273

She said, I actually said that

out loud twice during our session.

274

Wow.

275

And so it's just those things and

confirmation, it's confirmation

276

not just for me, but for you.

277

The, for her.

278

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

279

Yeah.

280

@Jennifer Rogers: Because I'm

there to support you on your path.

281

I don't call myself a healer, I

provide space for you to do your

282

own healing, and then I can see

things from a different perspective.

283

Oh,

284

@TheDarkPollyanna: that was

so beautifully said, Jennifer.

285

That was just absolutely perfect.

286

A quick aside I always worked in

digital, so I worked in search

287

engine optimization and social

media and websites and all of that.

288

And for a number of years

I couldn't tell people.

289

That an awful lot of what I

do, people would call woo.

290

Correct.

291

Because in order for people to be

visible online, you have to be congruent

292

within yourself and ready to be seen.

293

Yes.

294

And knowing that and being able

to share that with the client when

295

you are not in one of the Eastern

modalities is a little bit harder.

296

And finally, I guess in 2016,

I decided, oh, enough already.

297

We're just gonna tell people

exactly what it is that I do.

298

'cause it's different.

299

@Jennifer Rogers: Yeah.

300

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

301

But, and that

302

@Jennifer Rogers: different

makes the connection.

303

Yeah.

304

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

305

And it's about the patient, the

client, it's all about them.

306

And.

307

Nothing I could do, nothing.

308

Optimization could do, nothing

about social media or their website

309

could do anything unless they got

congruent and ready to be seen.

310

Yes.

311

So in that same way, it is all about the

client taking the onus for themselves.

312

Wow.

313

I knew there, I knew they were,

everything was interwoven.

314

I'm forever doing this when I'm talking.

315

So it's a big part of, I think,

what an awful lot of us do.

316

When you talk about these arts and even

in the creative arts, although some people

317

don't realize that is what they're doing.

318

Yes.

319

Or people is bringing out these

inner pieces now let's, that's.

320

Switch gears

321

and let's talk about Jennifer.

322

@Jennifer Rogers: Let's talk.

323

What would you like to know?

324

@TheDarkPollyanna: You know

what this podcast is all about.

325

Yes.

326

Our audience knows what it's all about.

327

We cover everything from suicide loss

ideation to mental health, anxiety,

328

depression, and everything in between.

329

@Jennifer Rogers: Yes.

330

@TheDarkPollyanna: So we're

gonna hand it over to you.

331

Now.

332

You can let us know what you'd like us

to know and start wherever you want.

333

@Jennifer Rogers: I appreciate you.

334

Thank you for offering this space.

335

And I will say that my story

goes back to the age of four.

336

So many moons ago.

337

41 of them actually.

338

So it's been quite a ride in

those 41 years to age 45 today.

339

But at four years old, I was first

approached in my bedroom in the middle

340

of the night by a family member or a

stepfamily at that time, waking me up

341

with his hand between my legs, asking

me if I needed to use the restroom.

342

And now at four years old, I

was potty trained, so I didn't

343

need help using the bathroom.

344

And I knew this is not the signs

for using the restroom, right?

345

So that was the first time

that someone had come into my

346

bedroom moving up to age five.

347

The stepfather I had at the

time started molesting me.

348

And that was a whole different fear,

a whole different scenario than

349

just someone coming in one time.

350

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

351

@Jennifer Rogers: And this goes

on, the abuse gets worse, gets

352

deeper, gets more frequent.

353

Oh my God.

354

And it's not just the physical

abuse, the sexual abuse, but it's the

355

emotional and the mental abuse as well.

356

Because at five years old, you are locked

inside this tiny brain that is looking

357

at an adult who should be caring for you.

358

And these are the things

that are happening.

359

And then you're told the most horrendous

things that if you tell anyone what happen

360

to you or to your family, but guess what?

361

You still have to get up every day

and you still have to go to school.

362

And you still have to have

this normal life, right?

363

But nobody understood why the little

girl in the corner didn't wanna play

364

with anyone, didn't trust anyone,

and just preferred to be by herself.

365

'cause there was battles and secrets

that nobody knew I was fighting.

366

And I walked that path

until I was eight years old.

367

And when I woke up at eight years old,

my body had developed an infection.

368

And at eight, your body cannot battle

that body has a hard time battling those

369

things anyway, but definitely at eight

years old, this was not something that

370

I could keep in silence or keep locked

away in the back of my mind any longer.

371

And so I came down the

stairs that morning.

372

We had one vehicle, he

had taken it to work.

373

We had no phone.

374

So as I come down the stairs.

375

And I share with my mom

everything that's been going on.

376

The only option she has in that

moment is to go to the neighbor's

377

house to use their phone.

378

So everything that I've just shared with

her, she now says out loud, oh my God, our

379

neighbor in front of my little brother,

in front of the little, one little

380

friend that I had that I could play with.

381

And so now you just feel

this heavy and this burden.

382

And I'm like, oh my gosh.

383

So the police come now,

384

So things work much differently

today than they do then, or did then.

385

So the police come pick us up.

386

They take me to the hospital.

387

And Elaine, I can tell you today, the

pants and the sweater that I had on Yeah.

388

As if this just happened yesterday to me.

389

Yeah.

390

And for those of us that have been

through this, when there is a sexual

391

assault exam done, it is not kind.

392

No, it's not gentle.

393

It is not that warm motherly

approach that we long for.

394

It is cold and it's sterile, right?

395

Yeah.

396

So I still remember the sound and the feel

of those scissors cutting my pants off

397

my legs, that couch and that cold glide.

398

So I go through my exam, everything is

confirmed, but instead of removing me

399

from the home, the police department

takes me right back in the car.

400

My mother right back in the car, my

brother right back in the car to our home,

401

right back into the mouth of the monster.

402

@TheDarkPollyanna: I'm sorry.

403

I can't even imagine.

404

@Jennifer Rogers: And me at eight,

I'm thinking, I'm out of here.

405

Like somebody, yeah, somebody

knows this is happening.

406

And so we lived in what I thought

was the most beautiful home.

407

It was a beautiful two story home.

408

Up the stairs was nothing but bedroom.

409

So I had the best bedroom, and we moved

to a smaller two bedroom home with

410

one bathroom in between the bedrooms.

411

But my mother stayed with him.

412

So abuse doesn't stop.

413

It changes.

414

And so things change.

415

And I go to school and I remember

coming home that day and I had my

416

little backpack on, and you know how his

second grade, the backpacks are always

417

so much bigger than the little bodies.

418

And so I have this backpack on,

and as I come down the alley,

419

my home is here to the left and

I notice that our car is gone.

420

And that is the first time I

heard a voice that was not mine

421

and simply said, do not go home.

422

He is there.

423

I didn't question that voice, Elaine.

424

I leaned in and I fully trusted

and instead of turning left to

425

cross the street to go home,

I went right and I ran away.

426

And at eight years old, I ran

just over a mile, which for any

427

child, that's quite a distance.

428

Yeah.

429

And I go to my mom's friend's house

and I knock on the door, she answers

430

the door, and there I stand with my

backpack and sweat coming down the face.

431

And she said, Jennifer,

what are you doing here?

432

And I tell her everything.

433

And she says, come inside, come help me.

434

Because my only request was

please call my grandmother.

435

Just call my nana.

436

She'll know what to do.

437

She says, come inside, I'm

replanting some of my plants.

438

Why don't you help me?

439

And so we sit on her kitchen floor

with these little styrofoam cups and

440

we're playing in the dirt and things.

441

And she does, she calls my grandmother.

442

And we're sitting there probably

an hour or so, and there

443

comes a knock on the door.

444

My grandmother's more than two

hours away, so we know it's not her.

445

Yeah.

446

So she picks me up, picks my

backpack up, and one swoop

447

and just hugs me to her chest.

448

And she says, I'm putting

you in the closet.

449

Don't say anything.

450

Don't come out.

451

And she does.

452

She places me in the

closet and shuts the door.

453

She goes to her front door,

answers it, and it's my mom.

454

And I can hear my mom,

I can hear the concern.

455

I can hear the worry in

her voice, the trembling.

456

And she says, we can't find Jennifer.

457

She went to school today,

but she didn't come home.

458

And so now I'm in this closet

and I thought, what have I done?

459

Oh my God, I've just scared my mother.

460

I've gotta, I've gotta get up.

461

I've gotta get outta here.

462

As a child, what do you do?

463

You obey your parents.

464

Yeah.

465

And so I'm sitting there frozen in

that moment because I don't know,

466

and I hear Tina say, I have her

and you're not getting her back.

467

And Elaine, that was a weight lifted

because in that moment I felt heard,

468

someone finally listened to me,

someone is going to do something.

469

So my grandmother comes,

I go live with her.

470

My brother and I both go live

with her for just over a year.

471

And in that time, court

proceedings happen.

472

And again, this is 1988,

so there is a charge.

473

There is minimal jail time.

474

But at the time, there was no such

thing as sex offender registry.

475

It comes out in 1989 and they

do not grandfather any cases.

476

Oh my God.

477

Can you imagine that workload?

478

Had they done that?

479

Yeah, so I, I can see the logistics and

the legality things that they would've

480

had, but my case was one year from

being, so my offender in that case

481

never has to register for my case.

482

Now you can pull his records

and you can see the charge, but

483

there's no registry for him.

484

So a year later where with our

grandparents, we go back to our mother.

485

My mother, like many mothers who

were young, she was barely 16 when

486

she had me, was very dependent

on that companionship of a man.

487

And so we went right from

grandparents and into mom.

488

Oh no, a new man.

489

So now I'm just over nine years old.

490

We move in over Christmas break

of going third grade year.

491

And so I have another new stepdad, right?

492

So stepdad number two, things are great.

493

The first two years,

we've, everything is fine.

494

It's not my grandparents, it's not

where I felt safe, but it was okay.

495

Nothing was happening to me

until about the age of 11.

496

And then around 11, my body starts

changing, starts developing, and

497

do you want to learn how to drive?

498

If you wanna drive the car,

you'll let me touch you here, or

499

you'll let me do these things.

500

Ugh.

501

And so I felt.

502

Just bombarded again and just closed in.

503

And these aren't things that

you're going to school and you're

504

sharing with your girlfriends.

505

You're not sharing these things to

your school counselor because why?

506

It's their shame around it.

507

They're built around it.

508

But I didn't

509

@TheDarkPollyanna: That what,

that's what he's counting on.

510

@Jennifer Rogers: That's

what he's counting on.

511

But the crazy thing with me is

I never felt guilt or shame.

512

I knew from five years

on this was not right.

513

This is weird.

514

Families don't do this to each other,

but I'm locked in because I'm a child.

515

Yeah.

516

What power do I have

at that young of a age?

517

So here I go again and on my mother's

birthday, so this is, I haven't been

518

back with her, but a few years on

her birthday that year, I wrote a

519

note and I stuck it under her pillow

and said, this is what's happening.

520

I didn't know how to say it again

because this is happening again.

521

Like how does this happen again?

522

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

523

@Jennifer Rogers: And I

wasn't met with that comfort.

524

I wasn't met with protection.

525

I was met with, are you lying?

526

Are you serious?

527

It was standup for the husband.

528

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh my God.

529

@Jennifer Rogers: So you have

now I'm like what do I do?

530

My thing was my biological

dad was still alive.

531

He was still around and I thought, I

just wanna be with him just to my dad.

532

And so it came, my mother's

rule that when you turn 14, you

533

can move in with your father.

534

So I'm about to turn 12.

535

So I'm like, okay, two more years.

536

Oh

537

@TheDarkPollyanna: my God,

538

@Jennifer Rogers: this was her rule.

539

But what do you know?

540

At 12 you don't know anything.

541

You don't know what the court says.

542

And my dad wasn't fighting

against her like that.

543

He was appreciative of

whatever time he got with us.

544

Yeah.

545

Okay, so I have, it counted down 14.

546

I get to move in with my dad

the next few years, go along.

547

He lives with my grandmother,

takes care of my grandmother.

548

They actually bought a house in town.

549

Had a bedroom set up ready for me to go.

550

So I'll be moving in August of 1994.

551

Got it on the calendar.

552

I know what new school I'm going to go to.

553

Everything is starting

to see that light, right?

554

April 22nd, 1994, four

months and what is that?

555

Nine days, four months, and

nine days before I'm to move.

556

My father is killed in a

auto pedestrian accident.

557

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh my God.

558

@Jennifer Rogers: And at that

moment, Elaine, I was done.

559

Completely checked out.

560

Done.

561

Because that was my out, that was my way.

562

He was preparing for me,

I was preparing for him.

563

I'm not going to have to

live through this again.

564

Here we go.

565

And so it just felt like at every

point the light was taken away.

566

Or it's like somebody

opened the door to show you

567

@TheDarkPollyanna: and then slammed

568

@Jennifer Rogers: it and

died off and slammed it shut.

569

So it created in me this

feeling of mistrust.

570

One huge mistrust for women.

571

Huge mistrust for girlfriends.

572

I can't trust you.

573

I can't, are you going to do

what you say you're going to do?

574

Is this gonna come around?

575

Is this, so I wasn't really out

there like that in high school.

576

I had one or two close friends and that's

all I was comfortable with letting in.

577

I wasn't comfortable sharing

anything about me because we

578

know how cruel school can be.

579

Oh

580

@TheDarkPollyanna: yeah.

581

@Jennifer Rogers: Could you imagine

being that girl who is not once

582

but twice molested and raped by her

stepfather's, that stigma that follows.

583

So here you go.

584

You've got all these things

working against you and I

585

thought, I'm out of this.

586

So the summer that my father is

587

and my mother is still with this

stepfather, the summer of 95.

588

She asked my grandparents

if my brother and I can come

589

stay with them for the summer.

590

And so I thought, I'm going to get a

break, so yeah, I'm going to have a break.

591

And I knew before I would feel so

guilty about this, but today it was

592

my saving grace and my cousin and I,

who she was three years older than

593

me, so I was just 15, she was 18 or

I was turning 15 going to Walmart.

594

And what in the world we were thinking,

I can't tell you, but we decided we were

595

going to steal a $4 pair of boxer shorts.

596

They were so cute, had dalmatians on

them, and I tried the money, but it

597

was just that can we get away with it

type thing, because I never was the

598

rule breaker or anything like that, but

typical Jennifer, I got scared, right?

599

And so we took the shorts out of the

bag and we actually put them back

600

on the grocery shelf of Walmart.

601

We found out later Walmart

grocery did not have cameras.

602

So while they saw us put it in the

bag, they never saw us put it back.

603

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, take it out.

604

@Jennifer Rogers: Never

saw us take it out.

605

So as soon as we walked out of the

door, they snatched us back up, right

606

to the back, and they're telling us, oh,

we've got you on video, we've got you

607

Jennifer putting the shorts in the bag.

608

And I was like, no, you don't.

609

I didn't put 'em in the bag.

610

I took 'em out of the bag and they keep on

with me and I'm pressing back and I'm like

611

show me the video because you're wrong.

612

Youll see her.

613

Put 'em in.

614

I can take you to the shelf

over here where they are.

615

It doesn't matter.

616

It was the intent.

617

And we've said that in your podcast today.

618

What's our intent?

619

Yeah.

620

So it was the intent.

621

So 15 years old, get arrested, put

me in handcuffs, walk me through

622

Walmart, walk me through Walmart.

623

One of my girlfriends is in Walmart when

this happens, and actually walks up to

624

me, 'cause the officer's walk in a few

steps behind and I'm just thinking, oh my

625

gosh, because my hands are behind my back.

626

Oh my God.

627

So here we go.

628

But that's, I did wrong.

629

I'm paying the consequences.

630

So I'm charged with aiding

and abetting and petty theft.

631

That's my charge.

632

And because I've never been in

trouble before, I have to go to

633

this program called First Offenders.

634

So automatically we're,

sticking labels on things.

635

Yeah.

636

So I'm an offender now and I

have to go, do this on top of.

637

The wrath of my grandma and

grandpa, I was grounded.

638

I could, I better not, I better ask if

I can even take a breath at this point.

639

Yeah.

640

And so I go to First Offenders,

but part of that program required

641

us to do individual counseling,

group counseling with others in the

642

group and then family counseling.

643

And it was through our individual

and our family counseling that I

644

was connected with the best lady.

645

And I was able to finally share

everything that had gone on from four

646

up until present and just get that out.

647

And she says, let me be clear, your mother

is still with your second stepfather.

648

And I said, today, yes.

649

And so it was through that program and

that counselor that I was not allowed to

650

go back to my mother unless she divorced.

651

And so that's what kicked into gear.

652

Me never going back to her.

653

And I didn't.

654

And once I did not return to her,

our relationship was nearly severed.

655

I didn't see her as a mom.

656

I didn't need her for anything.

657

Those needs were now being

met by my grandmother.

658

Everything's being taken care of,

didn't have much to do with her.

659

And this went on for years.

660

And my daughter today is 26 years old.

661

I can count on one hand the number

of times that my daughter actually

662

stayed the night with my mom.

663

So she didn't have, those

motherly instincts, didn't have

664

the grandmotherly instincts.

665

And a few years ago, I started a women's

group and you asked me about reiki.

666

And when I went to reiki and

I really practiced, there was

667

some dark parts of myself.

668

I had to heal because are all women evil?

669

No.

670

Are all women going to

misuse and abuse my trust?

671

No.

672

Are all women going to spill my secrets as

soon as I say them to them the way they,

673

that happened to me with the neighbor.

674

No, that's not going to happen.

675

So I had to work backwards through

all these bricks in a wall that

676

I had built over the years.

677

And as I started taking those back brick

by brick, 'cause you, you can say walls

678

crumble, but when you're talking about

true healing, it's one brick at a time

679

because sometimes you have to put that

brick back and work on another, right?

680

Yeah.

681

So I set and I thought, okay,

what is it about my mother.

682

That she could not stand up for me

because there is absolutely no way

683

in this world or any other that if

something happened to my daughter,

684

I would not go to war for her.

685

Yeah.

686

And so when I sat with that, what I

found, and this is, I'm not big on titles,

687

I'm very proud of my accomplishments.

688

Yeah.

689

But one title I will always wear

is a generational trauma breaker.

690

Yeah.

691

I'm not a victim, I'm not a survivor

and asked to be put in those situations.

692

I didn't, I'm a product of how

I was raised, but I sat with

693

that and I found that my mother

was abused by her grandfather,

694

which was her mother's father.

695

My grandmother was

abused by her own father.

696

So we had this grandfather who was

abusing his daughter and granddaughter.

697

Oh my great-grandmother.

698

Was sexually abused and then

abused by her own husband.

699

And so there was no strength.

700

There was no standing up.

701

There was no protection for at

least three generations above me.

702

And had I not listened to that 8-year-old

voice when it came in, I wouldn't be

703

the Jennifer you see here today because

statistically I shouldn't be here.

704

@TheDarkPollyanna: No, you should not.

705

@Jennifer Rogers: I'm successful.

706

I'm a business owner.

707

I have a college degree.

708

I've done things in life.

709

And so we cannot stick people

in boxes because of something

710

that they've been through.

711

@TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely not.

712

@Jennifer Rogers: Yeah.

713

@TheDarkPollyanna: And you left

out so many incredible things.

714

You are.

715

Yeah.

716

You are a warrior.

717

For sure.

718

I just have to say, I feel for Tina

719

because being at one remove like that,

there was only so much she could do.

720

But at least she tried to do,

and I was actually really angry

721

at your mom until a moment ago.

722

That I realized that

723

does it.

724

Maya Angelou says, when we

know better, we do better.

725

But if that's all you grow up knowing

that you can't stop and your mother

726

couldn't stop and her mother couldn't

stop by three generations, why try?

727

There's not even a.

728

A comprehension of what

that would look like.

729

@Jennifer Rogers: No.

730

@TheDarkPollyanna: And I, I think the

maternal piece was abused out of your mom.

731

@Jennifer Rogers: It not only

abused, but broken and removed.

732

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, absolutely.

733

Absolutely.

734

And I have to say, your strength,

your incredible consideration in

735

allowing your daughter to try and

have a relationship with your mom

736

in letting her sleepover at all

737

Is just such a testament to the

incredible human being you are.

738

@Jennifer Rogers: Elaine, the best

gift I've ever given my mother.

739

When I started my, my women's

group, I held a one day retreat and

740

I called it the Healing Retreat.

741

And we had you just the beautiful day,

but there was one part of the day I

742

called the sister Circle share and

you could come up and you could share

743

whatever you wanted, but I kicked it

off by pulling a chair in front of the

744

room and setting my mom in that chair.

745

And I started with her story

of me because she turned 16 on

746

August 11th and then delivered me

six weeks early on August 31st.

747

Oh my God.

748

So barely three weeks of being 16.

749

And so I talk to those

in the room about that.

750

I said, imagine being a 16-year-old

mother, you can't even drive

751

yourself to your appointments.

752

You can't drive your

daughter to her appointments.

753

You deliver early through

an emergency cesarean.

754

And then when I am delivered.

755

I actually passed away first.

756

And so the first sounds she hears of her

daughter being born are not that cry.

757

It's the sounds of the beeps

of the machines and the

758

pumping to bring back life.

759

And I'm immediately taken from her.

760

She's not allowed to hold me.

761

I am taken to Children's Hospital in

Oklahoma City, and she is left in Ada.

762

Oh my God.

763

So that maternal bond and connect

wasn't even there for her to have.

764

And then I talked about, the

things I went through and then

765

the things that she went through.

766

And what I asked that room to do was to

pour love into her because I could imagine

767

how lonely she felt, how dark her days

must have been, and how much she must have

768

wished for someone to stand up for her.

769

And for someone to tell

her they loved her.

770

And as soon as I said that, there came

an I love you from over in the corner.

771

And then it was just a ripple or a

wave effect where everybody in that

772

room was just telling her how much

they loved her and wrapping her.

773

And at that point it was okay, yes, we

have a past and yes, we have a story.

774

And I know that as I tell my story,

just what you said, experiences.

775

People feel that anger towards my mom.

776

But we have to keep looking.

777

And that's what I talk about.

778

Move it one brick at a time.

779

One brick at a time.

780

Why is she hurt?

781

Because it's no one else's

responsibility but my own to work

782

out that relationship with my mother.

783

@TheDarkPollyanna: You are

such a smart cookie and.

784

The truth is, hurt people

785

@Jennifer Rogers: and they

don't even know that they do it.

786

@TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

787

And there isn't in many

cases any intention to hurt.

788

But if that is all you know, then you

don't even know you're hurting them.

789

@Jennifer Rogers: No.

790

@TheDarkPollyanna: And yeah, it's wow.

791

It's so much to unpack and you said a

little about your accomplishable audience.

792

She's hiding her light under a bushel.

793

Jennifer, you are so many things

and all of them incredible.

794

And I just could not love you more.

795

@Jennifer Rogers: Thank you,

and I appreciate you being here.

796

You and I have had that

conversation that, I can appreciate

797

where your podcast is going.

798

And though I have not had those thoughts

of suicide or suicide ideation, I

799

have had those deep, dark thoughts.

800

I have had those thoughts of what

would life be like if I wasn't here?

801

What would my life have been like?

802

Would someone miss me?

803

But here's what I do know,

is that I would be missed.

804

@TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, wow.

805

@Jennifer Rogers: And it's not,

what would my life have been like?

806

It is, how can my life

impact the next person's?

807

@TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

808

And I know my life is

richer for having you.

809

And that wholeheartedly.

810

I find you very well centered and

very comfortable in who you are,

811

but I don't know if you fully

appreciate what a gift you are.

812

@Jennifer Rogers: I will tell you that has

been something that I've been working on.

813

Good.

814

It's hard.

815

You almost feel like that.

816

Do I have a right to brag?

817

But it's not bragging.

818

It's really not

819

@TheDarkPollyanna: bragging.

820

@Jennifer Rogers: It's ownership.

821

And I recognize that and I've got

women such as yourself that see

822

that light in me that help turn

it on when it's, dark in there.

823

Or women that loan me their belief

and confidence in me when mine's lack.

824

@TheDarkPollyanna: And just think of

all the women that you've done that for.

825

@Jennifer Rogers: Oh, yes.

826

@TheDarkPollyanna: Including your mom.

827

@Jennifer Rogers: Yes.

828

@TheDarkPollyanna: Life, life

takes some very strange turns,

829

and I often struggled with when

people say, God, we will never

830

give you more than you can handle.

831

It was something I always struggled

with and it was not on my own behalf.

832

My, my aunt was ill from

the time she was 12.

833

She had rheumatic fever, which

developed into micro valve disease and

834

as an adult she was a Mensa member.

835

She was an absolute genius, but she never

was able to really progress in her job.

836

Because she never managed to work

a full month without collapsing or

837

having a heart attack or, breast

cancer and a million things went wrong.

838

And it was always on her behalf and on

behalf of the mentally challenged children

839

that I worked with growing up that I

used to think, that's just not fair.

840

God, you're not fair.

841

You're just not fair.

842

But I think over the years I've learned

843

not to swallow it whole, but to

understand there's a lot more than

844

I understand and I'm willing to give

that leeway because I see a lot more

845

good than bad in people having faith.

846

Yes.

847

You, you are a, you reiki master.

848

You are a Una reiki master.

849

You are a beautiful human being.

850

You have a family, a mom and a

grandma, and a wife and mother.

851

And by virtue of all of that,

852

what's next?

853

What is it you wanna attain next?

854

Because I don't think

you're done becoming,

855

@Jennifer Rogers: I am not done.

856

I am a learner by heart.

857

In fact, that's what got me through

most of my childhood was just, nose

858

down in the books and keep going.

859

So I will probably be

a lifelong student of.

860

Whatever is peaking my

interest at the moment.

861

I love all things energy related.

862

We talked about reiki.

863

I work with crystals and chakras.

864

I work with I'm a sound

you can say sound healer.

865

Yeah.

866

So I do singing bowls, tuning forts.

867

Yeah.

868

All the, I think, oh my gosh, I got

my birthday money recently and I'm

869

like, yes, I can get my kohi times now.

870

And Oh wow.

871

I'm constantly doing those things, but

currently I am in massage therapy school.

872

That is something that is another

form of healing that allows me to put

873

hands on and really offer that space.

874

Again, because you said it, a lot of times

people hear what we do and that's woo.

875

We don't understand how you can have

comfort when there's not massage going on.

876

Yeah.

877

So massage therapy is what's on my

plate now, but I do consulting as well,

878

leadership development and training.

879

So anything that is working

with people, I'm all for it.

880

As I have my own podcast and we share

stories of yes, overcoming and thriving.

881

And so my greatest passion and

my gift will always be to offer

882

that space for you to come in and

heal however you need to heal.

883

Whether it's through storytelling,

whether it's through massage,

884

whether it's through reiki.

885

I have a retreat business, whether it's

coming and joining one of our retreats.

886

I am just creating this space in my

community for you to come and heal.

887

@TheDarkPollyanna: Wow.

888

And doing a wonderful job at it.

889

I might add.

890

I honestly say the one thing to the

audience, the one thing that is most

891

evident to me and something that I have,

looked for my whole life, because it's not

892

part of my life on a day to day-to-day.

893

And that is you have such

a beautiful calming energy.

894

Like it speaks to my chaos.

895

And don't get me wrong audience

I'm quite happy in my chaos.

896

I have finely tuned it to be able

to live there quite willingly.

897

But it is, it's enticing.

898

It's like you smell a perfume and

it's a very intoxicating scent.

899

It may not be right on you.

900

But that doesn't make the

scent any less beautiful.

901

And that's how I feel

about their calming energy.

902

I think it's just absolutely wonderful.

903

So I always ask my guests, if

you would leave our audience

904

with a little tip or a tweak that

they can use in their daily life

905

@Jennifer Rogers: That

906

@TheDarkPollyanna: could be beneficial.

907

@Jennifer Rogers: Yes.

908

So the first thing I do every morning

is I pray and set my intention.

909

I use Pallo Santo, my husband is deathly

allergic to sage, so no sage in our home.

910

Oh.

911

So I use Pallo Santo and just

clear my space, clear my thoughts,

912

and what am I doing for the day.

913

And so I encourage you to do

that because when you set your

914

intention, you own your power.

915

You get to make the choice of how

your day's going to go, and you're

916

gonna have bumps along the way.

917

I had somebody almost rear end me

this morning on a way to a meeting.

918

Ooh, that's okay.

919

In my mind it was, I can get really mad.

920

I can do these things, but you know what?

921

What if their wife is in that

car about to have a baby?

922

Yeah.

923

What if their family member is at the

hospital and they're trying to get there?

924

So I don't let those small

things interrupt me anymore.

925

You said it.

926

Look for the good.

927

The more that you see it, the

more that you will see it.

928

Yeah.

929

So set your intention, look for the

good, and at the end of every day, I know

930

some people aren't journaler or writers.

931

And my husband and I

have this conversation.

932

Tell me three good things

that happened today.

933

It doesn't have to be big.

934

Last week I was thankful that a meeting

I was in, the woman had some tissues,

935

right?

936

So I'm glad that she had that.

937

'cause I thought I was gonna have to

pull the little kindergarten sleeve wipe.

938

So find gratitude even in the smallest

things and your joy will increase.

939

@TheDarkPollyanna: That's

absolutely so true and so wonderful.

940

Thank you so much.

941

I'm, I was gonna wait till we were off

camera to say this, but I'm not now.

942

I love the fact that you are so calm.

943

You can take yourself out of reacting.

944

I think that's wonderful.

945

But I wanna give you and

the audience something I was

946

given by my spiritual mentor.

947

She taught us when you get in the car or

on the bus or in a plane or whatever, you

948

are going to cover yourself in your car.

949

You can cover the whole car

with a beautiful golden net.

950

It's fine filaments, it's absolutely

beautiful, but it's just a very light

951

covering that protects you and all inside.

952

And I can honestly tell you that

has saved my butt a million times.

953

And that way I don't even have to get to

any reactions that I have to fight off.

954

@Jennifer Rogers: Right?

955

@TheDarkPollyanna: And it

becomes such an automatic thing.

956

I don't even think about it anymore.

957

I've been doing this since 2004.

958

And like you, I live in a place

that has seasons and we have like

959

major seasons, winter seasons,

we get 10, 12 feet of snow.

960

I'm like, it's a lot.

961

But I have spun out and danced.

962

My mustang danced with a truck and neither

one of us had a scratch and my son was

963

in the car, he was about 12 at the time.

964

I put my arm across him.

965

He had a seatbelt on, but I put

my arm across him and I said,

966

sweetheart, just close your eyes.

967

There's nothing I can do.

968

We hit black ice on the highway, and

when we finally stopped on either

969

sides of this highway, the truck

driver came over and he said, never

970

in my life has time slowed so much.

971

I thought we were going to be,

and he's the one that used the

972

term dance in that dance forever.

973

And it was so bizarre because

everything was moving so slow

974

and I just knew it would be okay.

975

Which was, the car was all jacked up

'cause there was snow in the wheel wells

976

and, it took a while to get that fixed.

977

But all in all, we never

had a scratch on us.

978

So I advocate for the golden net.

979

@Jennifer Rogers: I will do it

980

@TheDarkPollyanna: every opportunity.

981

Yes.

982

And I always offer it to

the people I care about.

983

And that's absolutely my

audience and my guests.

984

And I just, God, I have to say thank

you so much for entrusting us with

985

your story, for entrusting me to.

986

Be I can't even think of the word now, but

be open, to learning to forgive your mom

987

because I didn't realize

how important that is

988

important for you, but important for

those that hear difficult stories.

989

Yes.

990

And many of our stories on this

show can be Oh, so difficult.

991

But you're absolutely right.

992

We talk about looking for the

good at the end of every day.

993

Let's look at for the

good in everybody too.

994

@Jennifer Rogers: Yes.

995

@TheDarkPollyanna: So thank you so

much Jennifer Rogers for joining us.

996

I my, my day is complete.

997

I just want you to know that.

998

@Jennifer Rogers: Thank you.

999

@TheDarkPollyanna: I am Elaine Lindsay.

01:01:48,639 --> 01:01:54,129

This is Suicide Zen forgiveness,

and as always, make the very best

01:01:54,129 --> 01:01:57,939

of your today, every day, and

we're gonna see you next time.

01:01:59,799 --> 01:02:00,369

Bye for now.

01:02:01,299 --> 01:02:04,359

Voiceover: Thank you for being

here for another inspiring episode

01:02:04,359 --> 01:02:06,039

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

01:02:06,039 --> 01:02:07,449

We appreciate you tuning in.

01:02:08,319 --> 01:02:12,399

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SFS

01:02:12,399 --> 01:02:14,469

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

01:02:14,769 --> 01:02:17,679

If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

01:02:17,739 --> 01:02:18,999

it'd be greatly appreciated.

01:02:19,959 --> 01:02:23,288

Please refer this to a friend you

know who may benefit from the hope

01:02:23,288 --> 01:02:25,509

and inspiration from our guests.

01:02:26,079 --> 01:02:28,999

Suicide Zen Forgiveness was

brought to you by the following

01:02:28,999 --> 01:02:33,999

sponsors, TROOL Social Media, the

digital integration Specialists.

01:02:34,209 --> 01:02:36,819

Let them get you rocking page

one in the search results.

01:02:37,854 --> 01:02:42,564

Canada's keynote, humorous, Judy Croon,

motivational speaker, comedian, author,

01:02:42,564 --> 01:02:44,394

and standup coach at Second City.

01:02:44,663 --> 01:02:47,754

Judy has been involved for over

a decade in the City Street

01:02:47,754 --> 01:02:49,284

Outreach program in Toronto.

01:02:51,234 --> 01:02:52,854

Do you have a story to share?

01:02:53,514 --> 01:02:56,694

Do you know someone you think would

be a great guests silence hero?

01:02:57,324 --> 01:02:59,904

Please go to SZF four two.com

01:03:00,294 --> 01:03:04,554

and for our American listeners,

that's s zf four two.com.

01:03:04,944 --> 01:03:07,139

Thank you for listening and

we hope to see you again.