Have you ever caught yourself wondering, "Was my childhood really that bad?" Maybe you've compared your experiences to others and convinced yourself that because someone else had it worse, your struggles today shouldn't matter.

But what if that's the wrong question?

In this week's Tammy's Takes, I'm reflecting on one of the most powerful moments from my conversation with trauma specialist Stacey Uhrig, who said, "Trauma isn't the event... it's the aftermath. It's the impact of what happened." That simple statement led me to ask a different question—one I ask nearly every coaching client I work with: Is it still affecting the way you live today?

In this episode, I'll walk you through a simple but powerful coaching exercise to help you uncover the beliefs that may have formed during childhood and quietly shaped the way you see yourself today. Together, we'll explore how experiences from years ago can continue to influence your relationships, boundaries, confidence, people-pleasing, perfectionism, anxiety, and even your nervous system.

Healing isn't about deciding whether your story was "bad enough." It's about understanding the meaning your younger self attached to those experiences and recognizing that the survival patterns that once protected you don't have to define your future.

If you've ever struggled with feeling like you're not enough, believing you have to earn love, or constantly putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own, this episode will help you connect the dots with compassion instead of judgment. Because when you understand why your behavior makes sense, you can finally begin to change it.

I actually think this is the "voice" we want for Tammy's Takes going forward. The guest episodes are about the conversation. The Tammy's Takes summaries should feel like you're inviting someone into a short coaching session. They should leave readers thinking, "She understands me. I need to listen to this." That's the feeling that turns casual listeners into loyal subscribers—and eventually into coaching clients.

yes, that is exactly what i am going for. Can you put a call to action to grab my course at www.tammyvincent.com/course and use THRIVE25 for 90% off

I love this direction. I made the ending feel less "salesy" and more like a natural continuation of the conversation. Someone who just had an "aha" moment should feel invited—not pitched.

Captivate Episode Summary

Have you ever found yourself wondering, "Was my childhood really that bad?" Maybe you've compared your experiences to someone else's and convinced yourself that because they had it worse, your struggles today shouldn't matter.

But what if that's the wrong question?

In this week's Tammy's Takes, I'm reflecting on one of the most powerful moments from my conversation with trauma specialist Stacey Uhrig, who said, "Trauma isn't the event... it's the aftermath. It's the impact of what happened." That simple statement inspired me to ask a different question—one I ask nearly every coaching client I work with:

Is it still affecting the way you live today?

In this episode, I'll guide you through a simple coaching exercise designed to help you uncover the beliefs you may have formed in childhood—beliefs that can quietly shape your relationships, confidence, boundaries, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and even the way your nervous system responds to stress.

Healing isn't about deciding whether your story was "bad enough." It's about understanding the meaning your younger self attached to those experiences and recognizing that the survival patterns that once protected you don't have to define your future.

If you've ever struggled with feeling like you're not enough, believing you have to earn love, constantly putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own, or never quite feeling safe to be yourself, I think this conversation will resonate with you. My hope is that you'll walk away with greater compassion for yourself and one simple step toward healing.

If you're ready to go deeper, I'd love to invite you to begin your healing journey with my signature course, Trials to Triumph: An Adult Child's Beginning Roadmap to Your Healing Journey. As a listener of the podcast, you can receive 90% off by using the coupon code THRIVE25 at checkout.

👉 Enroll here: www.tammyvincent.com/course

Because healing doesn't happen overnight—but it does begin with one decision to take the next step.

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

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hello everybody.

2

Welcome back to another

episode of Tammy's Takes.

3

So today we are talking about yesterday's

episode with Stacy Urig, She's a

4

trauma specialist, and what we talked

about was absolutely incredible.

5

But there's one thing that she said,

again, as you know how these Tammy's

6

Takes work, is that once we get off the

episode, things keep rolling around in my

7

head, and I think about them all the time.

8

So I usually take one quote, one

saying, one little snippet from what

9

we talk about, and that is what I delve

on for these Tammy's Takes episodes.

10

So one of the things that she said,

and it really stood out to me, was

11

she said, and this was her exact

quote, "Trauma isn't the event.

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It's the aftermath.

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It's the impact of what happened."

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And I just kept thinking

about that because honestly,

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that is what we work with.

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That is what we do.

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so many of us, I think, we spend years

asking ourselves the wrong question.

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So instead of comparing our trauma, quote,

unquote, "trauma" to somebody else's

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and saying, "Was it really that bad?"

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or, "Other people had it so much worse

than I did," or, "Maybe I'm just too

21

sensitive," we literally spend so

much trying time and effort trying to

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decide whether that happened to us,

and what happened to us qualifies us

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as trauma, and hence qualifies us to

be able to do something about it or

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get the help we need or even speak up

about it, because we compare ourselves.

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So the better question I would like

to think that we should be asking

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ourselves is that episode, that

experience, that, that thing we saw,

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that thing that somebody said, is it

still affecting the way I live today?

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That is the question we should be

asking ourselves every single day.

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Because if something happened 20,

30, 40 years ago, and it's still

30

influencing your relationships,

your confidence, your boundaries, or

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even the way you see yourself, then

maybe it's worth exploring, right?

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We got to give ourselves some grace.

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when I'm working with a coaching

client, I don't spend a lot of time

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trying to decide whether something

was big enough to be called trauma.

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I don't think that's the point at all.

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I'm much more interested in the experience

and what it taught us about yourself

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or what it taught you about yourself.

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Because I have found that often we're not

living in the present, we're living from

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that event that happened so many years.

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And not only that, but we're living

from the meaning that we gave the event.

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So those are two totally different things.

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So I want you to walk through

something that I actually do with

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some of my clients, and maybe

this will help, maybe it won't.

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Hopefully we can.

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If you can, just take a

deep breath for a second.

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Now think about a memory from your

childhood, and don't overthink it, just

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the first thing that comes to your mind.

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And it doesn't have to be the

worst memory that you have.

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It could literally be something,

maybe you were embarrassed in front

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of your classmates, or maybe you

were criticized about something,

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and it sticks in your mind.

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Maybe it was just the fact of sitting

back and watching your parents

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arguing and fighting all of the time.

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Maybe it's when you learn that

keeping the peace wasn't safe

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and you stopped speaking up.

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So whatever comes to mind, just

come up with one little memory

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and stay with it for a moment.

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Like I said, close your eyes, take

a deep breath, and stay with that

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moment, memory for just a moment.

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Now, imagine you and I are sitting

together and I ask you one simple

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question: What did that experience

teach you about yourself?

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Or what could it have

taught you about yourself?

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Not what happened, not whose fault

it was, or whether it should still

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matter, or what did you make it mean?

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What did it tell you about yourself?

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So maybe that one little memory of getting

bullied on the playground made you feel

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little, and it made you feel that you're

small and that you're not tough, and

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that you're weak, and you're not enough.

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Maybe being criticized at home

made you think that, "Mom doesn't

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love me unless I perform, unless…

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That I'm not good enough, that

they don't just love me for who I

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am, that I have to earn my love."

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Or maybe being ignored made you

feel that nobody really sees me.

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Whatever these things, whatever the story

is that you put in your mind, I want

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you to notice what that story is, and it

doesn't have to necessarily be factual.

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It can be what you think the story

or this experience might have told

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you about yourself, and I want you

to look at that with no judgment.

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No judgment at all.

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Just look at it.

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Just look at what those things

might have told you about yourself.

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Now, I wanna ask you the next

question: How is that belief or

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how could that belief still be

showing up in your life today?

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Because this is where it gets

really interesting, honestly.

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Maybe you apologize all the time.

85

Maybe you replay the conversations

in your head all the time.

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Maybe you're just exhausted because

you're so tired of giving everybody what

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they want to make everybody else happy.

88

Maybe that's it.

89

So what are you doing?

90

You're still trying to

prove that you're enough.

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And honestly, do you see

what's happening here?

92

You're not really talking

about the event anymore.

93

You're talking about the

ripple that it created, and

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everything has a ripple effect.

95

So the event might have lasted just five

minutes, but the belief it created has

96

been quietly influencing and flowing

through your life for absolutely years.

97

And then there's the last question that I

absolutely love asking, and it's simple,

98

but sometimes it changes everything.

99

The question is: Is that

event still happening, or am

100

I still living as if it is?

101

Just sit with that for a second

because your answer is yes.

102

If your answer is, "Oh my God, I am

living as if I'm still back there," it

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doesn't mean you're broken, my friends.

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It doesn't mean

something's wrong with you.

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It means that your nervous system

learned to adapt to help you survive.

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It learned what it needed

to learn to protect you.

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But here's the beautiful part.

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What your nervous system

learned can be unlearned.

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It can learn something new, and

that's really honestly where

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true healing starts to happen.

111

Not pretending that the past didn't

happen, not comparing your story to

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someone else's, but recognizing that you

don't have to keep living from the beliefs

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that were created by a younger version

of you who was simply trying to survive.

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So if this exercise brought up

anything with you and you have those

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three questions in your mind, I

encourage you to try something today.

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When you self-doubt yourself, when

something happens and you think,

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"Oh my gosh, what am I doing?"

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I want you to go through those

three steps, and I want you to ask

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yourself those three questions.

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And I want you to write them down

because sometimes honestly seeing

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something on paper, it might be the

first time that you realize that you've

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been carrying it around for years.

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You see it.

124

It's tangible.

125

You're now got it in your hands, right?

126

So try that, see what happens,

see what it brings up.

127

I'd love to talk to you about it,

so if this is something that you are

128

encouraged to do or you need somebody

to help you work through the steps and

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the beliefs and what I call the ripple

effect exercise, or whatever you wanna

130

call it I'd love to help you do that.

131

So schedule a free call with me.

132

We'll spend some time.

133

We'll talk about some of these

patterns, some of these habits, some

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of the things that are helping…

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are just keeping you stuck, and

honestly what the me- next step might

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look like because there's no pressure.

137

There's just a conversation, but

sometimes until you actually wrap your

138

head around these patterns that you've

developed and see a pattern and see

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how you're showing up in the world, you

don't know to even to even explore it.

140

So the other offer, if you're not

interested in having a free call

141

with me, is I would love to offer my

signature program, Trials to Triumph.

142

It is 90% off right now, and it is a

beginner's guide, a, an adult child's

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beginner's guide to really start

delving into why we have these patterns,

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where, how they were developed, and

how we can start unlocking them.

145

And like I said, the it's in the show

notes, but it is 90% off right now,

146

so it's a great way to get started

if you're just starting to explore.

147

So honestly, it's the exact

framework I wish someone had

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given me like 30 years ago.

149

It helps you understand your

survival patterns, and it helps

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you start to unravel them.

151

So until next time, I wanna thank

you for spending this time with

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me, and remember you're not broken.

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You adapted, flat out, and now you

get to learn a new way of living.

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So thank you so much, guys, and

I hope to see you back very soon.

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Have a blessed day.