Shownotes
Season 7: Episode 183
Episode Overview:
Today, we're diving into the "SoberFit" life with an exceptional guest, Maureen Benkovich, aka the "Sober Fit Chick." Maureen, a certified gray area drinking coach, trades in the term "sober" for "alcohol free," and has fully embraced a fitness lifestyle that celebrates her vibrant personality sans the spirits. She believes in a holistic approach to being alcohol free – one that nurtures mental, spiritual, and physical fitness, going beyond just abstaining from alcohol.
In today's conversation, we'll be peeling back the layers on the concept of "gray area drinking," which lies between social drinking and alcohol use disorder. Maureen will share her personal journey, how she overcame alcohol-induced depression, and how she now helps others retrain their brains to live without relying on the bottle. Get ready to learn about the impact of alcohol on aging, the importance of supporting our neurotransmitters, and practical techniques to navigate social pressures.
Episode Takeaways:
1. Insight into "gray area drinking" and its prevalence among Boomers.
2. Understanding the holistic approach to sobriety that focuses on total well-being.
3. Tips and strategies for creating resilience and maintaining an alcohol-free lifestyle.
4. The significance of dismantling subconscious beliefs and societal pressures about alcohol.
5. Navigating social situations with heightened confidence without relying on alcohol.
6. Encouragement and advice for those contemplating a change in their relationship with alcohol.
Links:
**Refer a Friend**: Encourage your friends and family members to subscribe to Hey, Boomer, so they don't miss another episode. Point them to heyboomer.biz and tell them to click on Connect With Us.
**Connect with Road Scholar**: Enter the Great Global Giveaway contest to win one of 7 amazing trips for 2. Go to roadscholar.org/heyboomer to enter and to explore all the fabulous trips that Road Scholar offers.
**Get access to Maureen's free course**: On her website, you can sign up for her "Alcohol Free Weekend" Toolkit. You can also reach out to her for questions and support.
**Follow Maureen on Instagram**: for daily inspiration and support on your journey to alcohol freedom:
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Transcripts
Hello and welcome to Hayboomer. My name is Wendy Green and I am your host for Hey, Boomer. And Hey,Boomer is the podcast where we go beyond the surface, sharing real talk about aging well. So today we're going to talk about gray area drinking. What is that? Everybody I've mentioned that to goes, what? What is that? Well, I'm going to try. So have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like everything has gone wrong and all you want is that first glass of wine? Can't wait to get home or get to the happy hour? You have that first glass, and now you're starting to feel the anxiety subside, the stress is easing, and you think, well, you know, what's one more glass? I can have that second glass and I'll be fine. And now you're feeling good and you're chatting away and, you know, maybe you're with friends or maybe you're solo, but you're much more relaxed. And then you think, you know, one more glass.
Wendy Green [:I can handle that. One more glass. And so now you start the cycle of one glass, two glass, three glasses. And when you wake up in the morning, you're tired because you didn't sleep well. Maybe you have a headache, but more than that, you're kind of mad at yourself. You're like, why did I have that third glass of wine? I told myself I was going to manage my stress better. So now you start to ask yourself, do I have a problem with drinking? No, I don't have a problem with drinking. I mean, look, I'm functional.
Wendy Green [:I have a good job, I have good friends. I'm like, managing well. Well, here's what I'm hoping to get before we finish this episode today. I want to have a better understanding of the difference or the meaning of gray area drinking. How does that differ from social drinking? What is alcohol use disorder? And how do I know if I really do have a problem like alcoholism? And in addition, I want to understand the impacts of alcohol on our health as we age. So are you curious? So stay tuned. Our guest today, Maureen Benkovich, is the heart behind sober fit chick, LLC. Don't you love that name? Her journey with alcohol started in high school, unknowingly charting a path that shaped decades of her life.
Wendy Green [:Maureen was a very successful pharmaceutical sales rep, a personal trainer, a fitness instructor, and she faced challenges like depression and infertility and used alcohol to hide her pain. Recognizing its toll on her anxiety and depression led her to a major turning point. And as a certified gray area drinking coach Maureen now dedicates herself to helping others escape the cycle of drinking shame and the false escape it promises. Sober Fit chick coaching combines neuroscience insights and practical strategies to guide you towards a healthier, more balanced life, breaking free from habits that don't serve your wellbeing. So we have a lot to learn and a lot to unpack in this episode. And let me just share a couple of announcements with you before I bring Maureen on. So one is that I am doing a big push to grow the Hey, Boomer audience and that means I need your help. Not everyone can join us live each week, and believe it or not, many people in the Boomer generation are not listening to podcasts.
Wendy Green [:So we want to fix that. And you know that the information we share each week on the show and in the newsletter is valuable and we want to get that out. And this is how you can help. If you will point people to Heyboomer.biz, the homepage of the website. There's a connect with us button there. All they have to do is click on it, fill in the information, and they will be subscribed. And then every week they will get a copy of the newsletter. They will get links to the show and any other information that seems exciting and relevant to our population.
Wendy Green [:So please send your friends, help us grow to Heyboomer.Biz and tell them to connect with us. The other thing I want to tell you about is that great global giveaway that Road scholar is doing. They are giving away one of or they're giving away seven amazing trips and you have the opportunity to win one of them. It's their 50th year celebration and anyone who subscribes to their newsletter will be entered to a drawing where they'll get one of these seven trips, plus airfare from any major city. And the trip is for two people. So go to road r o A d. Go to roadscholar.org/heyboomer. Hopefully you'll see the pop up that will say great global giveaway.
Wendy Green [:If you don't, all you have to do is search for it in the search bar and enter your information. And then you are entered. If you already are subscribed to the newsletter, you can still refer people to it and get entered that way. So go to roadscholar.org/heyboomer and while you're there, go ahead and book an amazing trip. So one of the advantages, as you know, of doing this show live, is that you can interact with us in the chat. So don't be shy. This one, this episode could spark a lot of questions. If you have a thought, a question, this is your chance to ask it.
Wendy Green [:And guess what? Probably someone else has the similar question, so ask away. If we don't get to your questions on the live show, we will definitely get back to you before the end of the day. All right, so let's say hi to Maureen. Hi.
Maureen Benkovich [:Hi, wendy. That was great introduction. And let me say, hey, boomers. I love that.
Wendy Green [:Thank you. I am really excited that you're here today because I have a million questions. So let's start with the big one, right? The one I asked in the intro, the one that says, what's the difference between gray area drinking, social drinking, alcohol use disorder and alcoholism?
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah, you did a great job describing it. I love that you hit some of the points of what is a gray area drinker. But first of all, let's, like, get rid of labels for a second and not worry about them and really kind of talk about what is gray area drinking. And if you've ever read anything about it, you might see something like hash gray area drinking. What I want everybody to know is it's not a hashtag, it's not a marketing term. It's actually a scientific medical term. And it was coined in 2010, because in 2010, the nutritional council, they have to review their nutrition guidelines every so often. And in 2010, they had to review it, the scientific, nutritional, medical data, how to optimize health and disease prevention.
Maureen Benkovich [:And they said, you know what? We can't look at new nutritional guidelines without looking at alcohol consumption as far as it affects optimal health and aging and also recovering and healing. So they coined the term gray area drinking. And what they came up with is that it is not someone who we would consider by our definitions, that we understand someone hitting rock bottom. So it's not someone who's lost everything, needs to go to rehab, needs medical intervention. You're worried about detoxing. Medically, it's not that person. And it is not the teetotaler, as they say in the UK. It's not the person who occasionally drinks at a wedding, has a little bit of wine here and there, you know, doesn't ever finish their drink, that kind of thing.
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah, I call them unicorns, but the gray area is all the people in between. So that's a big spectrum.
Wendy Green [:That is a big spectrum, yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:But what it is is people who are drinking regularly, and many of us boomers are drinking regularly, and we all might drink differently. It might look differently. The way I drank might look differently to how you drank but say you're a person who's now drinks wine every night with dinner, or you always drink while you're cooking, or you always drink when you're out with your friends. Or in my case, you always drink on the weekends. I mean, weekends without drinking. Come on. All of these people are gray area drinkers. But here's, here's the difference.
Maureen Benkovich [:Gray area drinkers can stop drinking for points in time. The problem is they can't stay stopped. And they always start back up again. Usually it's because they're like, why am I being so restrictive? You know, I, you know, I was worried I had a problem, but I don't because I can stop, right? And they start back up again. And then pretty rapidly, you're back up to that level of drinking or more that you were before. And then a gray area drinker kind of goes through these cycles and also worries about it silently, secretly. Like you said, they wake up in the morning like, man, I did it again. Or they wake up at three in the morning, heart is racing, they're not sleeping well, and they're like, oh, I did it again.
Maureen Benkovich [:I drank a whole bottle of wine and what is wrong with me?
Wendy Green [:Yeah. And it seems to me, just from the little research I did, that that seems to be, like, a really key component, you know? Like, when I used to drink wine, when I would cook, it just was like, this is what I do, you know, I'm cooking, I'm having a glass of wine. I'll have a glass with dinner, no problem. It went, it became, where I questioned myself was when after dinner, I'm like, well, one more glass, you know, or the girlfriends get together and it's like, well, one more glass, and then you're going to drive home, you know, after that third glass. And that's when you start to question yourself. Is that really more specific to gray area drinking than just, oh, I have a glass of wine when I cook dinner.
Maureen Benkovich [:So I give a talk and it's called, it's not your fault, it's chemistry. Why it's so darn hard to drink less. Because what we're actually talking about here is brain chemistry and alcohol. So it's important to understand, you know, alcohol is a drug, and the alcohol industry worked very hard to get it classified as drugs and alcohol. Right? Big lobbyists, they have a lot of money. A long time ago, when we wanted to classify it as a drug, they're like, no, no, no, no. Let's say drugs and alcohol. So it doesn't sound as bad there's a lot of money involved in that.
Maureen Benkovich [:Right. Alcohol is also known as the dirty drug or a global drug. And why is that? Because it. And that's a little sciency, but it crosses the blood brain barrier. Nothing holds it back. Where the blood brain barrier is designed to protect your brain. And so alcohol touches all the cells in your body, actually, not just your brain, but this is important about the brain. So it affects all the neurotransmitters in your.
Maureen Benkovich [:In your brain. Um, it doesn't discriminate. And so it is a sedative or depressant as well as a stimulant. So that's why when you first drink it, you're like, oh, I feel good. Right? We all get that first hit of, uh, it's dopamine. It's gabA. Right. It affects all of those, and that feels good.
Maureen Benkovich [:We wouldn't do it if it didn't have that 1st 20 minutes. It's. It's an automatic off button. It de stresses us, and we. We do feel relaxed. There's no denying that. But here's the thing. The second drink, the third drink, you're always chasing that initial high, but you can never get it because it's the law of diminishing returns.
Maureen Benkovich [:So with each drink of alcohol, you're actually going lower, and your body is releasing chemicals to counter this toxin, and a whole chain of chemical reaction is happening in your body. But let's go back to the neurotransmitters for a second. So have you heard of Gaba? Serotonin and dopamine?
Wendy Green [:Only because I've been reading up on this. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:So I used to be a pharmaceutical rep way back, and I used to sell Prozac. So that was one of the first serotonin reuptake inhibitors. It's an antidepressant specifically affecting people who might be low in serotonin. So I learned about all this stuff way back when, but also, again, in my gray area drinking training. So they theorize that most people who are drinking too relaxed are low in GABA. Gaba is our natural relaxing neurotransmitter. Serotonin is our natural antidepressant neurotransmitter, and dopamine is our natural motivation and focus neurotransmitter. It's got this label as the feel good, but that's not all it does.
Maureen Benkovich [:So when you're drinking to relax, you might be a person who's low in Gaba. When you're drinking, have fun like I did, and interact and socialize. You might be low in dopamine and serotonin, which I am. And those are the reasons why I drank, because they gave me that feeling that I could socialize, that I could interact. I felt light, I felt fun, all those kind of things. So it does work temporarily, but then it wears off, and you're left with a lot of chemical mess from drinking.
Wendy Green [:So if you're low in those things and you don't drink to cover them up or build them up, whatever it does chemically to your brain, then what do you do?
Maureen Benkovich [:So let's get back to the thing about gray area drinkers is they can stop for a time period, but they don't stay stopped. And usually it's because, like, a stressful event hit or, um, they've got invited to a wedding. Um, you know, their friends are like, why. Why are you not drinking? What's wrong with you? Come on. You weren't that bad. All right? And we start drinking again, uh, because we haven't learned how to support our central nervous system and neurotransmitters naturally through food, nutrition, lifestyle, and movement patterns. So if you're a person just gives up alcohol and you don't do anything to replace what you've been using to calm your central nervous system, you will go back to it.
Wendy Green [:Well, that's what I was going to ask you. Like, is it just a willpower thing or.
Maureen Benkovich [:No.
Wendy Green [:No.
Maureen Benkovich [:So that's.
Wendy Green [:That's.
Maureen Benkovich [:That's that question where we say when we wake up in the morning, say, what's wrong with me? You know what's wrong with me? I don't have any willpower, man. I'm weak. You know, I'm. And I don't want to tell anybody because maybe I have a problem. It's not willpower. It's chemistry. Your brain likes that dopamine hit, that Gaba hit, that serotonin hit, and it's like, ooh, do that again. And.
Maureen Benkovich [:Right. And so you said something interesting in your introduction. You might start driving home, and you're thinking, I'd really like to. I'm gonna. I'm gonna cork that, uncork that bottle, and pour that glass of wine. You're already getting the dopamine hit before you've ever had a.
Wendy Green [:Just thinking about it.
Maureen Benkovich [:Of alcohol over time. And this is moderate drinkers, not just people who. Or drinking a whole bunch. You are changing your brain chemistry. You are changing your pleasure baseline. So things that used to give you pleasure without alcohol, everything seems a little duller, a little grayer. And everything seems to need alcohol to make it better because your brain chemistry has literally changed over time.
Wendy Green [:But then what do you do? Like, you said something about nutrition. I mean, can I eat things that are going to give me that dopamine hit?
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah. Yeah. Really? So now, here. Here's the thing. It's not going to feel like you eat some spinach and like you had a glass of wine.
Wendy Green [:Get those chocolates out.
Maureen Benkovich [:Chocolate does give you a little bit of a dopamine hit. So we would all also want to have dark chocolate. Right?
Wendy Green [:Right.
Maureen Benkovich [:So what it has to do is learning how to support your neurotransmitters and central nervous system with consistency and a comprehensive program over time. Um, so it's not about willpower, but it is learning how to replace turning to alcohol to de stress, to get that dopamine hit, to feel good, calm down, et cetera. So there are things that you can do. Like, we all know, right? We all know alcohol is bad for us, and we don't know why exactly. We kind of don't want to know why. And. And also, we also know we're supposed to get more sleep, exercise, less stress. We know those things, but a lot of times, we don't know how.
Wendy Green [:Right.
Maureen Benkovich [:Where do you start? And that's what I help with, with gray area drinking coaching. So we have an initial consultation. We talk about your lifestyle. How is it that you drink? What are your drinking habits? What are your eating habits? You know, what are your exercise habits? What does your sleep look like? Do you do anything to calm your central nervous system? Meditation, yoga, prayer, you know, do you do any of those things? These are a lot of basic things that people know. So that's where I start with is the basics, and I add in resources. I recommend resources from all those different categories, and you will try them. We'll be in touch. It's an accountability thing.
Maureen Benkovich [:That's what coaching like any other coach, I'm like, I want you to try this for a couple days and let me know how it feels. And if you notice a difference, if you're like, wow, when I did that, I actually felt better. Okay, let's put that in your toolbox to support your neurotransmitters in your central nervous system. And we're going to build your toolbox over time. And while we work together, we're going to do a 30 day break from alcohol. During that time, you're learning how to support your central nervous system so that when life gets lifey and something hits, you are so much more resilient. Your central nervous system, your neurotransmitters have been, you know, they're well stocked, put it that way. You have more resiliency to handle stress and even to handle someone going, what do you mean, you're not drinking? You're like, yeah, you know, actually I feel better.
Maureen Benkovich [:And you really do. And that's what you learn.
Wendy Green [:So we've been talking about the brain chemistry, and, you know, as I was thinking through this, as we get older, like, what are the risks different from when we're young? And I'm thinking, well, probably more risk of falling, or maybe our reflexes are slower, so it's even worse if we try to drive and all that. What are some of the other risks of alcohol to our physical well being as we get older?
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah, that's a great question. So going back to medical science in 2018, so way back, the Lancet medical journal, which in doctorate world, that's a very reputable medical journal, deemed it associated with seven different types of cancer. Alcohol is linked. They know this from 2018. A carcinogen linked to seven different types of cancer. Most of them touch, is where alcohol touches your system. Literally, from mouth cancer to esophageal cancer to intestinal, liver, pancreatic, go all the way through your digestive tract. Wow.
Maureen Benkovich [:Right? The one that's surprising is breast cancer. Really, very strong link. Has to do with estrogen. Alcohol affects hormones. Alcohol affects every organ, every cell in our bodies, and it gets to all those cells within 90 seconds of our first sip of alcohol. So it touches every organ and is associated with cancer and especially breast cancer. Strong link. So very important to know that.
Maureen Benkovich [:It's kind of shocking, right? I didn't know that.
Wendy Green [:Yeah, no, I didn't know that either.
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah.
Wendy Green [:And everything in your digestive tract, that makes sense.
Maureen Benkovich [:Oh, yeah. Heartburn. If you're first heartburn, instead of popping prilosec, try taking a 30 day break from alcohol. See what happens. You know, so simple antidepressants, as you know, in my story, I took antidepressants, suffered from depression, knew all about depression, from selling antidepressants and talking to doctors about it, but rarely was it mentioned. I mean, it is in the package insert, but hardly is it ever mentioned. So you really should not drink while you're taking these antidepressants or anti anxiety medicine, because it'll, it'll decrease, take the effectiveness of those medications. And alcohol is a central nervous system depressant.
Maureen Benkovich [:So if you're depressed and you're drinking a depressant every day. Your antidepressants not going to do much.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. So you alluded to your story just now, and we haven't shared that with the audience, so why don't you tell them, you know, what your journey was and what made you decide that you needed to stop drinking?
Maureen Benkovich [:Okay. As I mentioned, I'm the last of five kids and all my siblings, boomers, grew up in the sixties, seventies, eighties, lots of drinking, lots of drugs. So I got introduced to all that stuff from my sibs and, you know, eighties, growing up in the eighties, in high school, we drank at every football game. There was just drinking with everything, drinking in college. And then as a pharmaceutical rep, it continued. You know, that was sort of like sophisticated. Oh, we took doctors out and wined and dined them and, you know, it was kind of cool if you as a woman, you know, businesswoman, could hang with the guys and drink. So my drinking kept progressing and it changed, you know, my focus.
Maureen Benkovich [:I, at this time, as an adult, I thought, oh, this is sophisticated, which is what a lot of people think. Right? And we were also taught that, like, it enhances food, it makes you sexier, you know, all this kind of stuff. So we buy into all this marketing, which if you take a step back, you'll see how much we are hit with this marketing every day and through.
Wendy Green [:Everything, music, tv, everything. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:So we're getting the message that if you want to be fun, smart, sexy, sophisticated, drink alcohol. Right? So I got that message. And when I started to struggle even more with depression was through my infertility journey. It's very difficult. You know, we as women are, and especially back then, especially boomers, we as boomers were brought up like, well, you're going to have kids, you're going to get married, you're going to have kids. This is what's going to happen. So I never prepared for a life where I wouldn't be a mom. I never, ever thought about that.
Maureen Benkovich [:So when I was hit with that reality over a number of years of very difficult fertility treatments, miscarriages, even a failed adoption, and there really wasn't much support out there. I didn't know anybody like me, none of my friends, nobody that I knew was struggling with this. But what I could do is be a really fun party girl on the weekends. And so I leaned into that identity because I really didn't know who else I was. I was really struggling with my identity. But I could be that crazy, fun friend. When you got a babysitter and you wanted to go out, and I really took that on as the carefree party girl.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:So I would really drink on the weekends, but as a health and fitness professional, I wouldn't drink during the week because, you know, I was trying to be healthy. And so I would binge on the weekends, and then I would not drink during the week. Well, when you're younger, you can sort of handle that. And this goes back to your question about aging and alcohol. As we get older, I started to notice big differences. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I was, like, really brain foggy, feeling really down, depressed, beating myself up. What's wrong with you? You have a problem. You know, you're not drinking like everybody else.
Maureen Benkovich [:Why do you have to overdo it? That kind of thing. So not good for someone who already has depression to now be beating myself up even more.
Wendy Green [:Right.
Maureen Benkovich [:And. But as a person who's always been in the health and fitness, I would start researching things, like. And I started thinking about it. Let me think. After every weekend, you're really down. But I could disappear, right? I don't have any kids. I don't take them to school or go to the bus or anything. I could hide out for three days.
Maureen Benkovich [:Nobody would know. Thursday, Friday comes around, here comes party girl again.
Wendy Green [:So you recognize that this was becoming a habit and not a healthy one.
Maureen Benkovich [:That, and also, it was really out of alignment with who I was as a personal trainer, as I was actually a fitness competitor for a couple years. And I knew I would look in the mirror. I'm like, what are you doing? You're killing yourself. This is so bad for you. That whole, like, incongruency was really hard, too. So I started to look up things and I started thinking about it, and I started writing, you know, googling alcohol induced depression, alcohol induced anxiety. And sure enough, there's lots of links, there's lots of information out there. And I realized that, you know, I had to stop.
Maureen Benkovich [:I. This was, this was not good for me. And I was afraid. I'm like, well, who am I going to be if I'm not a party girl? Mmm.
Wendy Green [:A whole new identity. Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:What would my friends think? Because they liked that about me. They didn't know that I went home and felt like crap and beat myself up and was sad and depressed for days. So it was. It was a struggling that way. Well, while I was googling things, as you know, on the Internet, advertisements would pop up, books would come up, and there's this whole sober, curious community out there that I had knew nothing about. There was a whole world of people questioning alcohol, just like me, because like you and many boomers, I thought, well, I'm high functioning. I have a business. You know, I.
Maureen Benkovich [:I cannot drink during the week. So I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not hitting rock bottom. And I might say to a friend or, you know, here or there, like, hey, I think I'm drinking too much. They'd be like, you're fine. And that's all I needed to hear.
Wendy Green [:Yeah, yeah. It is an issue. Phillip just left a beautiful comment for you. He says your honesty and transparency, coupled with your wisdom and research are refreshing.
Maureen Benkovich [:Thank you, Philip.
Wendy Green [:Yeah, I have to agree with that. So aa, you know, they have these twelve steps, right? So now you just. If you're an alcoholic, you. You follow these twelve steps in order to get sober and stay sober. As a gray area coach, do you give somebody steps? I mean, you talked about, you know, here's some tools, but are there specific? If you do this, you're gonna get sober and stay sober.
Maureen Benkovich [:So for many, many years, AA was the only thing we had. It's the only thing we knew. And what we all know about AA is you have to say, I'm an alcoholic. I am powerless against alcohol, and I have a disease, and I need to go to these meetings all the time, and I need to follow these twelve tenants. You know what? It's worked for millions of people, and that's great. And it works with their central nervous system. So this goes back to. It worked for them.
Maureen Benkovich [:I have a best friend who at the same time, we started drinking at 14 together, and at the same time, we reevaluated our relationship with alcohol. I went with coaching, she went with AA, and we've both done really well. But it. I couldn't resonate with AA.
Wendy Green [:I just.
Maureen Benkovich [:None of those things. I didn't believe I was powerless or had to label myself. Right? So coaching was much more appealing to me as a coach, as a personal trainer, that I could learn, that I could retrain my brain, which you can. You can retrain your brain when you understand, when you have knowledge what alcohol is. It's ethanol, it's a toxin. It hurts every cell in your body. When you start to understand what it really is, you're like, I'm a smart person. Do I want to do that? You know, and as boomers, we want optimal health, right? We're all worried about dementia and Alzheimer's.
Maureen Benkovich [:We're worried about cancer. And here we are drinking the very thing, and I'm talking moderate drinking. Want to keep clarifying? That is affecting all of those things that we're worried about. So it's just something, and I'm saying this with the most non judgmental tone because I had to go through it myself. It's just something to take a look at and think about and do research and understand more. And that's what I help people do through coaching. And sure, I do give steps. I also do work on cognitive and behavioral aspect of alcohol.
Maureen Benkovich [:So we work on the physiology and the central nervous system, how I can best support that with you. And also, what are your beliefs around alcohol and how can we dismantle those beliefs? And there's lots of tactics and techniques to do that. Like, I can't have fun without alcohol. I can't socialize without alcohol. What are people going to think about me? My husband still drinks. How am I going to do that? Right?
Wendy Green [:Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:So we work on all of those things as well. So I bring together the behavioral as well as the physiological.
Wendy Green [:The behavioral seems like it would be a big one, you know, because, I mean, like you said, alcohol is such a big part of all the messaging. We hear and, you know, girlfriends will call and go, hey, you want to get together? Let's meet for a glass of wine. Right? I mean, that's everywhere. Everywhere you go. Yeah, it's hard to get away from it. And so, you know, if you, how do you manage that behavioral message, that mindset, whatever it is that says, okay, I'll meet you, but I probably will just have a glass of water.
Maureen Benkovich [:Water, yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna come up with something other than water. And that's what I help with. We literally go through visualization technique, tactic techniques, mixing those two words. Like, I have to go to a wedding. It's gonna be my first wedding. Not drinking. How do I do that? All right, we're gonna visualize from you the moment you start getting dressed, because I used to drink the moment I was getting ready to go out. You know, you walk through the front door at the wedding, you're met with a tray of champagne.
Maureen Benkovich [:There's the toast, there's people buying drinks at the bar. There's. People are going to ask you why you're not drinking. We're going to, we're going to walk through all that, visualize it. And we have tactics like, I have one called a buddy, a plan and an excuse, and we work through how to do that so that you help. You know, visualization is used in sports. They do it all the time to help people get better and see themselves doing something. So the brain when you actually do it, it thinks it's already done it because you've been visualizing it so much.
Maureen Benkovich [:So that makes it so much less difficult. So it's these kind of things that, that we do and it, but it's individualized. Right. Your belief that you have around alcohol, like I can't cook without it might be someone else's belief, just that I can't socialize without it. So we work with the individual. I work with the individual on what is holding you back. If you're a person that has been secretly or silently saying to yourself, I think I'm drinking too much, I want to make a change, but I don't know how. And you're a person who can stop at times but not stay stopped.
Maureen Benkovich [:That's who I work with.
Wendy Green [:So what are some, what, I mean, there's so much. Right. I'm thinking about the people that you work with. Like, so we've now just talked about the social situation. What are some of the other things that they bring to you of some of their biggest challenges?
Maureen Benkovich [:Family stress, kids, business, a lot of socializing in business with alcohol.
Wendy Green [:A lot of. Yeah, yeah. Golf course drinking and golf course, all of that.
Maureen Benkovich [:So it's every, we live in an alcohol saturated society. It is everywhere. I live in a town that is known for sailing, and the tagline in this is to town is called we're a drinking town with a sailing problem. It's on t shirts, it's in stores. Like it's, you can't get away from it.
Wendy Green [:You're right.
Maureen Benkovich [:So, and there's never going to be a perfect time. Right. If you're waiting for. Well, let me see. I have, I have a wedding, I have a graduation. I got a party to go to. There's never going to be a perfect time. There's Christmas, there's birthdays, there's holidays, there's Passover, whatever.
Maureen Benkovich [:You know, there's always going to be alcohol. It just has to be a personal decision that you want to make a change, you want to do something better for your health and you reach out.
Wendy Green [:It all seems like, you know, everything we believe, everything we've been inundated with. Right? Like, I mean, I'm hearing you talk about all the poisons in this and the blood brain barrier and all this stuff, and I'm thinking, oh, but social drinking, you know, that's all I do. But it still sounds like, then why would I do that? Why would I even do that? Because of the poison. But how do you make that leap, Maureen? How do you make that leap from. Okay, I'll just be a social drink or two. I recognize this is really killing me, this.
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah. You're feeling it, right?
Wendy Green [:Yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:And you're feeling a little anxious right now, right?
Wendy Green [:Because you're.
Maureen Benkovich [:Ooh, I don't know if I can do that. You know, it's a crazy kind of thing that happens. It's actually a chemical romance that's going on. Um, you have this euphoria when you drink. In the beginning doesn't continue, but in the first 20 to 30 minutes, it definitely does. And your brain can't differentiate between that euphoric connection and an actual personal romantic connection. So you're actually having a euphoric connection or relationship with alcohol. So when you think about giving something up like that, your brain goes, wait a minute, I like that.
Maureen Benkovich [:Don't do that. And your brain doesn't always make the best choices for you, so you have to retrain your brain.
Wendy Green [:It seems like it's still almost a, you know, a teenage thing. Like, I want to fit in. I want to be with the cool kid. Right. And so, like, we're. We're over 55 now, you know? Okay. It's not about fitting in. It's about self care and.
Maureen Benkovich [:Right. So you have to put yourself first and go, instead of saying, well, I'm not that bad. What about, could it be better? Could I be better? Could my health be better? And aren't I worth finding out? And you're right about the peer pressure. I have a client. We finished up breast cancer survivor and is a single widow and is in, like, a knitting group with a bunch of women. They all drink during it, and she's afraid to not drink with them for peer pressure. She's in her seventies. She's a breast cancer survivor.
Maureen Benkovich [:She knows the connection between alcohol and breast cancer and still feels peer pressure.
Wendy Green [:So how did you advise her to deal with that?
Maureen Benkovich [:So that's a behavioral thing, right? We. So here you heard of cognitive dissonance. So that is when you have a conscious belief and a subconscious belief. So the conscious belief is, you know. Yeah, I know. Alcohol is bad for me. Maybe I shouldn't drink so much. And the subconscious belief is like, but wait a minute.
Maureen Benkovich [:Like, I have to because all my friends do. Right. So we want to bring that subconscious belief to the surface and work through it. And is that true? Do you have to drink to socialize? Have there been times in your life when you have fun and you can socialize without alcohol? Well, yeah, there are some times when I do that. Okay. So it is possible that you can have fun and. And be with friends without alcohol. Right.
Maureen Benkovich [:And so we work through this ladder technique of breaking down the beliefs that are keeping you stuck, keeping you stuck where you don't want to be. Maybe you want to lose weight. Maybe you are having hormonal issues. Maybe you are having blood sugar issues. These are all related to alcohol, but.
Wendy Green [:They'Re all different than the disease of alcoholism. Is that right?
Maureen Benkovich [:So I don't subscribe to that. It's a disease that is a tenant. And that's okay if people want to subscribe to that. I don't subscribe to that.
Wendy Green [:Oh, okay.
Maureen Benkovich [:So it's a learned behavior. It's a habit. It's something that we do to have an off switch. We don't know how to support our central nervous system and neurotransmitters otherwise, unless we look into it and we are marketed the hell out of. And we, you know, think about alcohol commercials. Do you ever see someone at the bar slurring their words, making it?
Wendy Green [:No.
Maureen Benkovich [:Who do you see in alcohol commercials? Beautiful, successful people.
Wendy Green [:Right? That's right.
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah.
Wendy Green [:Right.
Maureen Benkovich [:And.
Wendy Green [:And all the celebrities that are advocating it, and they all are beautiful and fit, too, right?
Maureen Benkovich [:I mean, I used to love JLo because she used to say, alcohol is bad for your skin, alcohol is bad for your health. That's why she looks so great. And just like two years ago, she started promoting her an alcohol line because she wants me money. She probably still doesn't even drink herself.
Wendy Green [:You know, maybe not.
Maureen Benkovich [:It does affect everything.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. So the name of your business, sober fit. What does sober fit mean to you?
Maureen Benkovich [:So it's sober fit chick.
Wendy Green [:Sober fit chick, yeah.
Maureen Benkovich [:And it's funny because I really don't use the word sober. Otherwise, I call myself alcohol free. I ditched alcohol, but I like the way it's sober fit chick.
Wendy Green [:I like that, too, the ring of it.
Maureen Benkovich [:Because I was a personal trainer, and I was a fitness competitor and a Pilates instructor, a headman studio. I've always been to health and fitness, so that obviously, that's the fit. But also fit now means so much more mentally fit, spiritually fit, those components as well. And I'm a chick because I'm still fun, and I can be fun without alcohol. And so in you.
Wendy Green [:I love the name. I think it's a great name. And as you told me when we first started, that once you get people past that alcohol training or the non alcohol training, then you also then talk about all of the other fitness aspects of daily life.
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah. So removing the alcohol is like 10% of the issue. The rest of the 90 is learning how to support your physiology and your central nervous system, learning how to break down those beliefs, learning how to surf the urge. When an urge comes on, it will go away, but we learn how to surf that. So it's becoming aware, awareness, mindfulness. Why do I want this drink right now? What do I think it's going to do? What do I really need right now? Right. And learning to ask these questions. So that is helping you become more spiritually, physically, mentally fit.
Wendy Green [:Can I ask you to briefly give us an overview of your alcohol free weekend mini course?
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah, so I, this is the first little course I put out because it related to me. I could just, I could not drink during the week. But the weekends, forget it. I'd always go back on my word. I just didn't know how to get through the weekends without alcohol. So for me, I came out with the alcohol free weekend toolkit. But you can use it any, like three, four days. You know, you can use it during the week if you want to.
Maureen Benkovich [:And it's a great course. So it's four coaching videos with me. It's a mini workbook to record your insights as you go through your alcohol free weekend. It also comes with a prep checklist. So what are all the things you need to get ready and have to do this? So you get ready, you pick your weekend, you tell your significant other you're going to do this with or without them. You can get support, do it together. That could be fun. And you go through your alcohol free weekend, you watch the videos in succession, you record your insights.
Maureen Benkovich [:There's some questions to, you know, journal prompts to get you going in your workbook and you get the confidence of going through a weekend or three to four days alcohol free. And you go into your next week, Monday, Tuesday, feeling much different. You're like, oh, wait a minute.
Wendy Green [:So this is what it can be like.
Maureen Benkovich [:Yeah. Oh, and that's just a mini taste because really we want to put together a lot more of those weekends for you to really feel the benefits. But it just gives you that confidence to know, okay, I could do this.
Wendy Green [:Yeah. Okay. So you can find that course and other things about Maureen at soberfitchick.com. It is a fun website. You've done a beautiful job with it. So it's soberfitchick.com. Go sign up for the mini week course. And I think this has been fascinating, Maureen, and very helpful.
Wendy Green [:We've had lots of great comments. And, you know, I couldn't see any of the comments. I'll share them with you.
Maureen Benkovich [:And I just want to say, if you're a boomer who's on Instagram, go to soberfitchickLLC. I put out lots of information, lots of helpful tips to help you, you know, sort of get you thinking about it.
Wendy Green [:Yeah, great. Thank you. Also, I want to remind people to refer their friends to sign up for the Hey, Boomer newsletter and the reminders on Monday morning where they can find the links to the next show. So send them to heyboomer.biz and make sure they connect to us from there. And check out RoadScholar.org/Heyboomer. Great, great organization, nonprofit, great trips. You'll love it.
Wendy Green [:RoadScholar.org/heyboomer. All right, so next week, next week it's my turn. So since we've been talking about health and wellness and feeling good and all of this in your later years, I've decided that next week I'm going to talk about self care and resilience as we age. And this is something that I do know quite a bit about, and a lot of it has to do with your perspective. So tune in next Monday at one, and I will share my thoughts with you then. Each episode of hey Boomer is an invitation to listen, learn and apply the wisdom like we got from Maureen, to your own life. The path ahead may not always be easy, but it's traveled best with support and shared insights.
Maureen Benkovich [:That's right.
Wendy Green [:The Hey, Boomer show is produced by me, Wendy Green, and the music was written and performed by Griffin Honrado, a student at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts, and my grandson. Thank you again, Maureen. This was great.
Maureen Benkovich [:Thanks, Wendy. Thanks, boomers.
Wendy Green [:All right, bye.
