Tonight is the yahrzeit. We are sitting in the sukkah, and we are going to translate Reb Nosson's own documentation of the Rebbe's histalkus, line by line, in his words. It begins on the Wednesday before Erev Sukkos. Reb Nosson walks in before Mincha and finds the Rebbe very weak. Reb Naftali has gone to call the doctor. • וְקָצַפְתִּי עָלָיו מְאֹד — and I was furious with him. It was never my daas that a doctor should be called at all. And in this matter there is much to tell. In the end they outnumbered me and the doctor came — and it did not help a thing, and it brought his histalkus closer • From that hour on I did not move from him • That night he arranged his tzava'ah: three hundred adumim for his daughter Chaya, the kesubah for his wife. "There is more to say." And Reb Nosson answered: you do not need to say it — you yourself will help us in your zechus. And the Rebbe answered him: אֵצֶל הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ הַכֹּל אֶפְשָׁר — by Hashem everything is possible. Because that was always his way: never to insist on anything with anybody • "These three years I have lived by a nes" • And then the instruction about the ksavim — and Reb Nosson standing there trembling and stunned And then the part that is the hardest to hear, because Reb Nosson says it about himself. • He was mischazek and told his own heart: this is simply his way, he prepares himself to depart — but the Aibershter will not do this. He will live. Because we could not conceivably imagine that Hashem would take from us the light of all lights. We had not yet been zoche to receive the light everyone needs to receive from him • וּבַעֲוֹנוֹתֵינוּ הָרַבִּים, עַל יְדֵי מַחְשָׁבוֹת אֵלּוּ — אִבַּדְנוּ מַה שֶּׁאִבַּדְנוּ. Through these thoughts — we lost what we lost • If we had believed him simply when he told us outright, and by remez, times without number — we could certainly have heard from him things far more awesome • Because his ratzon was that there should be an isarusa d'letata. That we should arouse him to say it. And he would not say it on his own without one • But we did not put our hearts to it. All we wanted was that he should get better — and to think that he would tell us what to do after his histalkus, we did not want to accept at all. And so we never begged him And then the last night. • Reb Naftali sent to sleep, and refusing, because he could not bear the words he had heard — wanting only to stand there and be nehene from the light of his holy face • Reb Shimon lying down on the floor of the same room. The mesharet and his wife asleep. And nobody left to watch him and serve him except me alone • Standing in front of him for hours on end, from after chatzos until daylight — and not zoche to hear one sicha • And it was all because I did not want to let it into my mind that he would depart. And I understand now, in hindsight, that he wanted and yearned that we should ask him, that we should plead with him — and then he would have told us And then the thing you cannot put down. וְחָזַר וְהִבִּיט בִּי בְּעֵינָיו הַנּוֹרָאוֹת הַרְבֵּה — וְכָל הִסְתַּכְּלוּת שֶׁלּוֹ שֶׁהִסְתַּכֵּל בִּי הָיָה כְּמוֹ דִּבּוּרִים מַמָּשׁ. And he looked at me again and again with his awesome eyes — and every single look was like actual words. • Every time he looked, it lasted a full hour • And Reb Nosson, writing years later: and now I understand how much chizuk, and how many inyanim he looked into me that night. Every time something passes over me, chas v'shalom, whatever passes — and Hashem in His wonders saves me from all of it — I understand that it was all hinted at in that looking • And what the looking said: אַתָּה נִשְׁאָר עִם כָּל הָאוֹצָרוֹת הַגְּנוּזִים אֶצְלְךָ — you remain with all the hidden treasures. And what will become of them, and what will become of you? For many will rise against you — and what will a weak man like you do? • And more than that, which I myself do not know. All of it was hinted at in the way he looked at me. #RebbeNachman #RebNachman #Breslov #Breslev #RebNoson #RebNosson #Histalkus #Yahrtzeit #YemeiMoharnat #ChayeiMoharan #Sukkos #Sukkot #Uman #Tzaddik #Emuna #Emunah #EmunasTzaddikim #IsarusaDletata #Hisorerus #Kisvei #Torah #Chassidus #Chassidut #JewishHistory #JewishSpirituality #TorahShiur #Shiur #JewishGrowth #Yiddishkeit #EilechVanaseh