Shownotes
Milo wakes up after a night of confronting his own inner thoughts. Julian, the man he loves, is in the other room and he has a choice to make now – does he confront the demons in his mind or does he keep his mouth shut, afraid to ruin a good thing?
Today’s story is the second and final part of “Open and Shut Case of Love" by TiberiusRings & Fruitz, who are co authors of the series Come to Dust, published by Fruitzberg Press.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/open-and-shut-case-of-love-by-tiberiusrings-fruitz-part-2-of-2
Transcripts
Dog.You’re listening to Pride Month on The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:your fellow traveler, and Today’s
Speaker:story is the second and final part of
Speaker:“Open and Shut Case of Love
Speaker:by TiberiusRings & Fruitz,
Speaker:who are co authors of the series Come to Dust,
Speaker:published by Fruitzberg Press.
Speaker:The importance of experimentation is often stressed, in queer narratives, and rightly so.
Speaker:How else are people to discover themselves?
Speaker:The experiments in our stories are usually depicted as successful,
Speaker:and rightly so. If they are to inspire and encourage experimentation,
Speaker:they must be stories of success.
That said:there is no guarantee that everything tried will work,
That said:nor that something which works for one person,
That said:one couple, one polycule,
That said:will work for others.
That said:There is no shame in,
That said:after experimentation,
That said:determining that this experiment is not
That said:for oneself. Last time,
That said:Milo was confronted with the reality that his life, while feeling great, is lacking in something
That said:he had been willing to sacrifice for happiness and companionship.
That said:His relationship with Julian is open and
That said:while he wasn’t jealous per
That said:-se he was absolutely bothered to be is missing an important part
That said:of the man he loves deeply.
That said:Please enjoy “Open and Shut Case of Love”
That said:by TiberiusRings & Fruitz,
That said:Part 2 of 2 As usual, Julian was awake before me.
That said:When I opened my eyes,
That said:the sun beamed down on my face and made me try to burrow under the covers.
That said:I could hear music from the kitchen
That said:and my boyfriend
That said:humming to the tune.
That said:I could also smell bacon.
That said:I begrudgingly got up and went to the bathroom.
That said:With that annoying task completed, I went to my closet and found some loose boxers to wear around the apartment for the morning.
That said:I didn’t mind prowling around in my briefs, but today felt like a lazy Saturday.
That said:So on with the boxers covered in little sharks it was.
That said:I walked out into the kitchen to see Julian, wearing some pajama pants and his ear pods in those adorably rounded ears of his,
That said:dancing and spinning in the kitchen to some song he had probably just discovered.
That said:When he saw me he stopped,
That said:smiled, and pulled one of the buds out
That said:“Bacon got you out of bed finally?”
That said:“I’m nothing if not food motivated.”
That said:I kissed his cheek and went to get myself a glass of orange juice.
That said:I poured one for Julian as well and
That said:handed it to him.
That said:I saw he had bacon and eggs going on the stove.
That said:“I never would have guessed you’d be the chef in this dynamic duo.
That said:I remember when you struggled to make Ramen in your dorm room.”
That said:“After I almost burned down the hall I figured it was time to learn a thing or two about cooking, and voila,
That said:here we are!” I smiled and sat down on the bar counter stool that let
That said:me look into the kitchen and at Julian as he cooked.
That said:It was a weird feeling at that moment,
That said:a combination of feeling lonely and happy all at once.
That said:I was both content and frustrated.
That said:This was a great life.
That said:An almost perfect life.
That said:Could I risk undoing everything we had just because I wanted…a
That said:bit more? Could I risk
That said:ruining both our lives?
That said:Would it ruin our lives?
That said:So many questions spiraled in my mind that I wasn’t sure what to do.
That said:I know if I wasn’t smart I could end up hurting Julian horribly, but at the same time,
That said:was hurting myself worth it?
That said:I wanted to give him the world,
That said:but I also knew I couldn’t sacrifice just to make someone happy.
That said:My misery shouldn’t endure because of something else.
That said:We needed to figure out a balance so we were both happy.
That said:Or find another answer.
That said:Anxiety gripped my stomach and made my heart rate pick up.
That said:The idea of losing Julian, losing the man I loved so much, almost sent me into a panic attack.
That said:I kept thinking about what life would be like if he wasn’t here.
That said:What would these lovely Saturday mornings turn into?
That said:What would happen to me? To him?
That said:Would I become the crazy ex lover who stalks his social media and gets angry at him?
That said:I couldn’t say definitively that I would take it well.
That said:Heartache is the worst feeling in the world and losing someone I’m so close to is awful.
That said:When I was younger,
That said:breakups hit me
That said:hard, but none of my previous relationships had lasted this long.
That said:Besides, those relationships had been in high school where
That said:life was so much simpler,
That said:and I didn’t have real issues like
That said:bills and medical issues, a career
That said:and trying to forge ahead while I was still young enough to do so.
That said:I was running out of time to ‘reset’ my life if it ever had to happen.
That said:Still, could I live with it?
That said:Could I live with being constantly upset deep down just to keep someone I love around?
That said:Wait…why am I even considering this? Why am I
That said:assuming the worst? Why am I— “Milo?”
That said:My crazy thoughts snapped back together all at once and
That said:I fell through the ethereal right back into the barstool I had been in,
That said:having been brought up from the negative spiral
That said:I had been falling down
That said:and down and down.
That said:“Spots?” Julian called out louder as he put a plate in front of me,
That said:his face conveying a sense of worry that said so much.
That said:“You okay? You look like you’ve—” “I’m okay I promise I—”
That said:“You don’t look okay,
That said:Milo.” “I’m fine, I just—”
That said:“Now you’re lying to me.”
That said:Julian’s voice took on a tone of seriousness.
That said:He glared at me. We didn’t lie, as a rule, but I sometimes avoided problems by ‘fibbing’ about my feelings.
That said:It was something Julian never tolerated and somehow he could see through every time I
That said:made one up. He walked around and put his hand on my shoulder.
That said:“Hun, what’s wrong?
That said:You look like you’re going to be sick.”
That said:“Please, Jewels, don’t do this…”
That said:“Milo!” he said, his voice turning firmer as he grew more and more frustrated.
That said:“You can’t do this!
That said:What did your therapist tell you about avoiding conflict?”
That said:“That I’ll hurt myself more in the long run if I don’t confront these situations,”
That said:I recited, to which Julian nodded.
That said:He was about to speak but I put a hand up.
That said:“She also said that I need to approach these things as rationally as I can,
That said:and I don’t think I’m feeling very rational.”
That said:“You just seem down.
That said:I can’t pretend to know what you’re thinking, but I can usually tell when you’re not feeling okay.”
That said:Julian frowned at me and I had to look away.
That said:I was pacing now, in the living room.
That said:When I put the sofa between us, Julian huffed and walked around.
That said:“What are you doing?”
That said:I quickly sputtered.
That said:He was a foot away from me. He could
That said:touch me if he wanted but he didn’t. He was
That said:respecting my personal space…mostly.
That said:“When you walk away like that, and put things between us, you’re putting emotional distance up because something is hurting you.
That said:I don’t want you to feel like you have to do those things just to talk to me.”
That said:“Julian,” I growled low in my throat.
That said:Not at him and never at him, but I was feeling frustrated.
That said:“You can’t make someone open up to you.”
That said:The painted dog frowned and looked down briefly,
That said:shrugging his shoulders up and dropping them in a somewhat dramatic display of defeat.
That said:“You’re right,” he agreed with a forlorn tone to his voice.
That said:“I can’t make you do anything.
That said:I have to respect you and your feelings, and I have to
That said:trust you’re not going to do something that could hurt yourself or others,
That said:but that’s really hard,
That said:hun.” Now I was definitely hurting him.
That said:I had a feeling this was going to happen –
That said:either way I would cause him pain and torment, something I wanted to avoid.
That said:I tried to step away again but Julian made a sharp tsking
That said:sound, making me stop.
That said:I sighed and turned back to him,
That said:looking at his handsome face and his rounded, beautiful ears, those warm eyes and concerned face.
That said:He was mostly naked but I didn’t even consider the sexual aspect of it all.
That said:Even if he didn’t look this good I would still love him to death.
That said:“What…do I do if…if…” Julian’s brow furrowed but he remained quiet.
That said:He was letting me get it out on my terms. He wasn’t going to pry even though I could tell
That said:he wanted to jump in, encourage, entice, probe…but
That said:he respected my
That said:mental health and personal space too much to do that.
That said:“What…do I do if…what I want to talk about may…may…hurt
That said:you? Or make things worse?”
That said:Julian frowned and reached out for my hand.
That said:I let him take
That said:it and I felt him give my fingers a squeeze.
That said:“If you’re facing something like that,
That said:you shouldn’t let it fester.
That said:Have I ever shown you that I’m not, at least,
That said:willing to listen to you when you feel bad?”
That said:I was about to respond when I heard the familiar tone go off from the kitchen.
That said:The tinkling sound of a unique text message.
That said:We set our sounds similarly for our friends
That said:so we both knew who was messaging.
That said:It was from Alex.
That said:I groaned and sat down,
That said:pulling my hand back and resting my face in my palms.
That said:Julian was staring at his phone and then me…my
That said:brilliant lawyer dog was putting the pieces together as best he could.
That said:“This has something to do with Alex?
That said:Did Alex hurt you?
That said:Insult you? He’s a bit crass but he’s never been mean…”
That said:“No,” I said with a sigh and took the hands away from my face.
That said:Julian had sat down on the other part of the L-shaped sofa,
That said:his hands between his knees and
That said:his eyes focused on me with intent and worry.
That said:“He’s actually been really nice.” “Then
That said:what about him has this made you all worked up?”
That said:“It’s just…it’s just…”
That said:My voice cracked and I looked down at my hands once more,
That said:wringing them together as I felt on the verge of an anxiety attack.
That said:“Hun, wait,” Julian moved to sit next to me and
That said:put his hand on my knee,
That said:his scent was warm and welcoming and his voice smooth like melted milk chocolate.
That said:“Before you start, I want you to take a deep breath. In, and out.
That said:In…and out… You’re spiraling,
That said:I think. So let’s stop that before you trigger something.
That said:something.” He was right; a negative spiral was taking over and I had to stop it. Julian made me pause and realize that was a good trigger.
That said:I remembered what my therapist had told me
That said:when I had these moments.
That said:“Focus on the world around you…”
That said:I said out loud and looked at our apartment, our home, our life.
That said:The coloring of the walls looked great with the morning sunbeams coming in.
That said:The air still smelled of wonderfully delicious food,
That said:and my boyfriend
That said:was pushed against me. I could feel the heat from his body and smell his shampoo.
That said:I took a few deep breaths, closed my eyes, and attempted to clear my mind.
That said:“Feeling a little better?”
That said:Julian cautiously inquired.
That said:“Yeah,” I said and nodded.
That said:I wasn’t 100% but my breathing
That said:had slowed and my pulse
That said:had dropped. I kept myself centered
That said:and focused on the facts, not the emotions.
That said:I focused on thinking.
That said:Emotions could come later.
That said:But if I spat everything out with it dripping with negative emotion and anxiety I wasn’t doing myself or Julian any favors. I had to be better than that.
That said:“We’re pretty successful, aren’t we?”
That said:It was mostly rhetorical but Julian nodded anyway.
That said:“We spend a lot of time focused on our careers.
That said:So much that we were willing to let things slip through the cracks…or
That said:rather, things just happened to slip through the cracks.”
That said:His rounded ears, not unsimilar to mine, remained perked and craned forward right at me.
That said:He was going to let me say my peace before he added anything. It was something we did;
That said:we let the person talk until they were done
That said:when we had moments like this.
That said:“I know that when we were younger and in college, we basically were always joined at the hip.
That said:We had so much sex.
That said:You were, really, the first person I’d ever really slept with that I
That said:also loved. It made sex so much better for me.
That said:“But after we graduated…Iunno,
That said:something happened.
That said:We both became so focused on what we wanted to do and
That said:who we wanted to be that we were letting things just slip by, you know?”
That said:Julian nodded gently. Still letting me talk.
That said:“You remember what happened when we started to,
That said:you know…not connect as well,
That said:physically?” Julian shifted on the seat and tilted his head to the side as he thought back to those days.
That said:He kept his mouth closed as he
That said:compiled his thoughts before answering.
That said:“We weren’t fighting,
That said:but I was frustrated at the time.
That said:I wanted more sex,
That said:and you were tired from working all the time because you’re in
That said:Crunch Time or something and you weren’t in the mood…and it made me grumpy.
That said:But I never blamed you for that, hun. Never.”
That said:“I know,” I said contemplatively,
That said:with a swallow while trying to keep my voice from cracking.
That said:“But I knew you weren’t happy,
That said:and so we talked about…you
That said:know…” “Opening the relationship up,”
That said:Julian finished for me.
That said:“We talked about it for a long time and
That said:both thought it was a good idea.
That said:We wouldn’t stop
That said:being lovers but we could find people, who we both trusted, to let off some of that
That said:steam.” “Yeah, and I didn’t open it up just for you.
That said:I was also frustrated.
That said:It’s not like I haven’t
That said:slept with other men, so I don’t want you to think I’m attacking you
That said:or anything.” “I didn’t think you were, Milo.”
That said:“But we do need to be honest
That said:—you sleep with more men
That said:than I do, and far more often than I do.
That said:But your schedule usually lets you do that, and you’re always so much more outgoing than I am,
That said:and these guys are so much better looking than
That said:me—” “Milo!” Julian growled.
That said:“Stop it. Stop trying to justify things by blaming yourself.
That said:You aren’t ugly and you aren’t the reason we talked about opening it up.
That said:You aren’t a problem, even if you think you are.”
That said:“Aren’t I?” I asked and wiped my eyes.
That said:I could feel tears forming under them and I let out a shuddered breath.
That said:“If I was a better
That said:lover—” “No!” Julian growled again. “You aren’t a problem!
That said:You never were, not to me. I never thought that you were to blame for anything.”
That said:“Then why am I not enough?”
That said:“Who says you aren’t enough?”
That said:Julian took my hands in his.
That said:“Who says you don’t make me feel loved and fulfilled?
That said:Who says that you need to be more than what you are?”
That said:After a short pause, he looked me in the eyes.
That said:“Milo, you are a beautiful, handsome, talented man.
That said:But no matter how perfect we are, how similar our tastes,
That said:we aren’t going to always be 100% compatible.
That said:That’s normal, and that’s what sharing your life is all about.
That said:I was really horny when we opened up the relationship, and you were also curious about it.
That said:We talked about it for hours.”
That said:I sniffled and nodded my head.
That said:It was hard to not blame myself, to not shoulder everything, but Julian was taking some of that weight off me.
That said:Sharing the loud. The way
That said:he always had. “Milo,”
That said:he sighed and held my hands.
That said:I was crying still, more tears trickling down my face.
That said:“Hun, you’ve been torturing yourself over this, haven’t you?”
That said:I couldn’t talk. If I did a sob was probably going to come out.
That said:I nodded and looked down once more.
That said:“Milo, you have such a big heart, and it’s why I love you.
That said:But you try to take
That said:all the blame when we have fights or disagreements when you shouldn’t.
That said:I don’t know why you do that but it’s not right.
That said:Why wouldn’t you talk to me?”
That said:“I was terrified I’d ruin us.
That said:Our life. I was scared
That said:you’d just get so fed up with me that you’d
That said:break it off with me.”
That said:“Why would I do that?!”
That said:Milo said in surprise,
That said:sitting up and looking particularly stunned.
That said:“What…why would you think
That said:I’d be done with you?
That said:When have I ever shown you that you can’t talk to me and we’ll work through it as a team?”
That said:“I was afraid the team would end.
That said:This is serious, and I felt guilty about it because
That said:you seem happy and content and I didn’t want to take that from you.”
That said:“So you’d rather live in misery and doubt to make me happy?
That said:You know I can read you like a book, Spots. I wouldn’t have let you do that,
That said:because when you aren’t happy, I worry about you,
That said:just like how you worry about me.”
That said:I clenched my eyes closed and pulled a hand away
That said:to cover my eyes
That said:and curl up a little,
That said:leaning forward as I tried to hold back the sobs I was holding in.
That said:I had been so worried,
That said:so terrified…and it was all coming out now.
That said:“Miloooo,” Julian said, his hand on my back and rubbing it in slow, comforting circles.
That said:“You stupid hyena, you shouldn’t have been torturing yourself like this.
That said:Look at you! You’re hurting so much…I’m
That said:sorry I didn’t see it sooner.”
That said:“Been busy,” I managed to croak out.
That said:We have been so busy the last few months.
That said:There were days when we only saw each other for a couple hours,
That said:Julian usually in bed before me because he had to get up earlier,
That said:and I was working well into the A.M. to finish working on the assets
That said:for my game. “You’re right…we
That said:have been, but I should have focused on you
That said:more,” Julian put his arm around me and pulled me close,
That said:pulling my head into his chest and wrapped
That said:both his arms, drawing me close.
That said:I clung to his chest because I had been so scared
That said:for so long that this conversation would end it for us.
That said:How many scenarios had I imagined where he would just up and leave me?
That said:Or get mad? How many ways had I pictured him reacting
That said:in a way that wasn’t him at all?
That said:Why, out of all those scenes, did I not see the painted dog currently holding me and kissing me between the ears?
That said:“I think,” Julian began with a cracking voice. Was he crying too?
That said:“I think…we jumped
That said:into this ‘open relationship’ thing too quickly.
That said:We didn’t really try anything else…and
That said:it worked for awhile,
That said:but…I can tell it’s not anymore. Not for you.”
That said:I shook and nodded, not lifting my face up from his chest.
That said:I turned my muzzle so when I spoke it wasn’t into his chest fluff.
That said:“It’s not that I hate Alex…it’s that…it’s that
That said:I miss doing those things with you.”
That said:“Hun,” Julian said calmly,
That said:“if I thought you were capable of jealousy, I wouldn’t have agreed to opening the relationship,
That said:and absolutely would not have let it go on for this long.
That said:You trust me, I trust you,
That said:and we both like what it’s like to sleep with other men, but it’s not
That said:what you need right now.
That said:It’s not what we need right now.”
That said:“So, what do we do now?”
That said:A hand slipped under my chin and lifted my muzzle up
That said:so I could see Julian’s eyes.
That said:He had been crying but he was smiling
That said:even with the dampness under those beautiful orbs of his.
That said:“Well, let’s talk about it.”
That said:“O…Okay,” I nodded and sat up,
That said:wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.
That said:“But you have to be
That said:honest with me, too.”
That said:“I promise I won’t hide behind any lawyer tricks,”
That said:Julian smiled. We often joked that he could always win a debate because of how he knew how to talk.
That said:Really though he was usually just that much smarter
That said:than anyone else in the room.
That said:“We both need to make changes to make this work.
That said:For me…yeah, I like
That said:having the freedom to have sex whenever I want, but that’s not fair to you,
That said:either. What we need to do is find a way to balance ourselves.”
That said:“I can..I can make sure I”m not doing so much O.T.
That said:at work,” I offered. Julian nodded.
That said:“You aren’t always in Crunch anyway…and
That said:I can be more patient with you when you are.
That said:You still want to have sex with me, right?” “Are you kidding?”
That said:I said with a chuckle.
That said:“I was going to jump your bones last night, but you had just got out of the shower and I didn’t—”
That said:“Milo,” Julian huffed.
That said:“If you want to have sex, just tell me.
That said:I’m the hornier of the two of us and I’m not going to say no. I’m a stupid male like that.”
That said:He grinned and stuck the tip of his tongue out,
That said:as if he was commanded only by his hormones.
That said:“I think,” Julian took a breath again,
That said:“I need to also come to you more for sex.
That said:We haven’t had it in awhile because I’d been getting it from Alex,
That said:but I miss having you in bed.
That said:You’re better at it than he is, anyway.”
That said:“What?!” “Half your stamina.
That said:Plus, he falls asleep after he orgasms.
That said:Face down in the bed with his
That said:butt up in the air.
That said:It’s like throwing a switch if I’m not making sure he stays focused.
That said:“We just need to talk more,
That said:be more open, and be a little more eager to show each other that we want
That said:one another. I’ve left you alone because I thought you were tired.
That said:Or too busy. I wanted
That said:to give you space.”
That said:I nodded my head, sniffling and feeling my head swim with exhaustion.
That said:So much anxiety and stress was dripping off me.
That said:“Can I ask a favor?”
That said:“Always.” “Can you take me out sometimes?
That said:Like what you do with Alex. I want to just…go
That said:out and have fun.”
That said:“I can’t make you do anything, Milo,
That said:but I’ll definitely prod you into coming with me. It’s a two-way street.
That said:You have to put effort forward.”
That said:“I will.” I nodded, and repeated more emphatically.
That said:“I will!” “I know you will,”
That said:Julian smiled and kissed my forehead.
That said:“Because if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you stick to what you say you’ll do.”
That said:“So, we’re okay?” I asked tentatively.
That said:“Like…there’s nothing I’m missing?”
That said:“We’re always going to be okay,
That said:because both want this to work.”
That said:His large hand cupped my cheek and tilted my head up to look into his eyes.
That said:“You wouldn’t have been crying and hurting yourself if you didn’t love me. I’m just
That said:sorry I missed it.”
That said:“You don’t have to apologize,”
That said:I said with a gulp.
That said:“I was trying to process it alone.”
That said:“Which is bad,” he fake scolded me,
That said:giving me a glare which slowly peeled away into a smile.
That said:“Talk to me more, I promise I won’t bite.”
That said:“That’s a lie,” I quickly added.
That said:Julian’s ears turned a shade of pink and he huffed.
That said:“You like it when I bite.”
That said:I smirked and shrugged slightly.
That said:“You like it when I squirm.”
That said:A growl, this time laced with an emotion other than frustration, echoed from Julian.
That said:He pulled me close and kissed me, hard, on the lips.
That said:Our muzzles locked together and my world became him
That said:—the whole sensation of this man wrapping around me made me swell with love
That said:and arousal. With a squeak he pushed me onto my back,
That said:his body looming over me as we kissed.
That said:The one good thing about having a fight,
That said:even one as civil as the one we just had,
That said:was the make-up sex.
That said:And just like that,
That said:all was well with the world
That said:—our world, shared by Julian and
That said:I. This was the second and final part of “Open and Shut Case of Love”
That said:by TiberiusRings & Fruitz,
That said:read for you by Rob MacWolf,
That said:werewolf hitchhiker.
That said:As always, you can find more stories on the web
That said:at thevoice.dog,
That said:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
That said:Happy Pride, and Thank you for listening
That said:to The Voice of Dog.