Shownotes
Episode: Overwhelmed Olivia: Managing the Teammate Who Wanted Your Job
Link: https://thehrmediators.captivate.fm/episode/overwhelmedolivia
What this episode is about:
Overwhelmed Olivia just landed her first manager role… and now has to lead the teammate who’s convinced they should’ve gotten the job. This episode explores how to navigate resentment, rebuild trust, and turn a simmering rival into a true partner.
Why listen:
When a promotion puts someone in charge of someone who competed for that same job, every interaction can feel like a challenge. In this episode, we walk alongside Overwhelmed Olivia as she faces eye rolls, subtle undermining, and “that should’ve been me” energy, and turn it into a step-by-step approach with guidance, boundaries, and repair strategies. It’s especially helpful for anyone newly promoted over peers or worried that one resentful direct report might quietly sway the whole team.
Key takeaways
- Regulate yourself first. Learn to notice your own stress responses and stories, build resilience habits, and manage burnout so you can stay grounded instead of letting anger, fear, or shame escalate the conflict and make things worse.
- Recognize how powerful status is. Our sense of status—who feels “up” or “down” in the hierarchy—drives so many reactions at work, especially after promotions or reorgs; exploring ideas like those in The Status Game by Will Storr can help you see what’s really underneath people’s behavior.
- Invest in brave, trust-building leadership. Resources like Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead offer practical tools for building trust, having hard conversations, and leading through messy, emotionally charged situations with more courage and clarity.
Resources
- The Status Game - Will Storr
- Dare to Lead - Brené Brown
- Emotional Resilience: 9 Ways to Be Resilient in Tough Times | Psychology Today
- Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle - Book on burnout by Emily & Amelia Nagoski.
Reach out for guidance: TheHRManagers@Gmail.com
Website: TheHRMediators.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thehrmediators/
About the show
Workplace conflict is inevitable, but with Karen & Kendra’s mix of HR savvy, mediation experience, psychology insights, and humor, you’ll learn to turn conflict into connection.
Credits
Music: Farben by MagnusMoone
Notes
If this helped, please follow the show and send this episode to at least one coworker. Rate & review: A quick ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ on your podcast platform of choice helps others find us.
Hosts
Karen Gleason & Kendra Beseler
© 2025 The HR Mediators
Privacy note: These are inspired by real experiences, but we change all identifying details, adjust timelines, and blend similar accounts.
Transcripts
Foreign.
Speaker B:Welcome to the HR Mediators Podcast where we navigate workplace conflict one coffee chat at a time.
Speaker B:Our goal is to help you build skills to better navigate challenging workplace conflicts with compassion, grace and ease.
Speaker B:I'm Kendra, certified HR Professional and mediator.
Speaker A:And I'm Karen, also a certified HR Professional and Mediator and founder of Common Ground HR.
Speaker A:Together we bring over 30 years of HR experience and 15 years of mediation practice, and we have teamed up to answer your questions around workplace conflict.
Speaker A:Grab your coffee and let's get started.
Speaker A:A quick note about the scope of this podcast we are certified Mediators with deep experience in HR and conflict resolution.
Speaker A:We are not lawyers, therapists, or licensed counselors.
Speaker A:Nothing shared here should be considered professional advice related to any of those fields.
Speaker A:Think of these scenarios as food for thought.
Speaker A:Take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and be sure to trust your own judgment.
Speaker B:Thanks, Karen.
Speaker B:For anyone new here, we start each episode by reading a scenario inspired by real workplace experiences.
Speaker B:To protect privacy, we change all identifying details, adjust timelines, and blend similar accounts.
Speaker B:Workplace conflicts often sound familiar, but any resemblance to specific people or organizations is purely coincidental.
Speaker B:Today's story comes from someone we'll call overwhelmed.
Speaker B:Olivia I'm 24 and recently promoted to my first management role at a large company.
Speaker B:I started at the company almost two years ago and was doing well.
Speaker B:So well that after nine months I became a mentor and trainer for new hires.
Speaker A:Nice.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's great.
Speaker A:Good job, Olivia.
Speaker B:Around the 18 month mark, a manager role opened up in a different department.
Speaker B:My manager really believed in me and encouraged me to apply, helped me with my resume, prepped me for interviews, and even sent a glowing recommendation to the hiring manager.
Speaker B:I was hesitant.
Speaker B:Honestly, I felt way too young and under qualified.
Speaker B:Everyone else in leadership is in their 40s or older and I've never done the job that this position is managing before.
Speaker B:I had a feeling that everyone else applying would have way more experience, but with my manager's support and encouragement, I went for it.
Speaker B:To my surprise, I got the job.
Speaker B:I am thrilled and terrified.
Speaker B:I've never managed people before and I've never done this type of work before.
Speaker B:I tried to get ahead of the curve.
Speaker B:I read leadership books, listened to management podcasts, learned about the department's work, reached out to former leaders, asked them to mentor me.
Speaker B:I showed up ready to learn and ready to lead.
Speaker B:And honestly, it's going pretty well.
Speaker B:Except for one person who I'll call my There's a woman on the team who's about 10 years older than me and from day one, she has been openly hostile in meetings.
Speaker B:She rolls her eyes, she scoffs at me.
Speaker B:She won't look me in the eye, ever.
Speaker B:She's made sarcastic comments within earshot.
Speaker B:She's cold, aggressive, and honestly, just mean to me.
Speaker B:We didn't have a relationship before I stepped into this role, but I knew she had a reputation for being difficult.
Speaker B:I've continued to treat her the same as I'm treating everyone else, but I couldn't figure out why she was singling me out.
Speaker B:In a recent one on one, I finally asked my own manager if he had any insights.
Speaker B:That's when he told me that she applied for the same manager role.
Speaker A:Oh, there it is.
Speaker B:Made it to the final round and didn't get it.
Speaker B:He picked me instead.
Speaker B:He thinks that she was devastated.
Speaker B:I bet that context helped explain a lot.
Speaker B:But now I'm stuck with her, and this is almost worse.
Speaker B:But the rest of the team clearly values her and respects her opinion, and I feel like she's slowly turning them against me.
Speaker B:How do I even begin to build a working relationship with someone who resents me just for getting the job?
Speaker B:How do I keep everyone else from hating me?
Speaker B:I'm still learning the technical side of the role.
Speaker B:Leading a team of 11, trying to be a good manager for the first time in my life, and dealing with three team members who haven't met their metrics for months.
Speaker B:It's a lot.
Speaker B:I'm trying to stay positive, but honestly, I am overwhelmed.
Speaker B:I'm starting to question whether I should have taken this job at all.
Speaker B:I really don't want to fail, but I have no idea how to handle this.
Speaker B:Please help.
Speaker A:Oh, tough one.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That's a lot to take on at once, Olivia.
Speaker A:That is a lot.
Speaker A:Thank you for reaching out, Olivia.
Speaker A:Before we continue, we invite our listeners to briefly pause the podcast and ask yourself some questions.
Speaker A:What do you think are the problems here?
Speaker A:What emotions does this bring up for you and what would you do in this situation?
Speaker A:So we're going to give you a.
Speaker B:Little bit of music.
Speaker A:You can pause the podcast, and we will be back.
Speaker B:We hope you had a chance to reflect on what came up for you and how you might handle this situation.
Speaker B:We're going to start with some reflection and analysis.
Speaker B:So when I'm hearing Olivia talking, it sounds like she really cares, like she really puts forth her best effort on everything that she does.
Speaker A:I hear that, too.
Speaker A:She's working hard.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And at 24, going into this manager job where everyone else is in their 40s like that's pretty impressive and a lot.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:That's a huge job.
Speaker B:And I. I also hear empathy in her.
Speaker B:Like, she genuinely cares about her team, and it sounds like she cares about this person who didn't get the job, Mai.
Speaker B:And also I'm hearing that she's sounding like an imposter.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I hear that Olivia is feeling apprehensive and uncertain in this role, but I'm impressed that she's proactively working on leadership skills and learning the department's work.
Speaker A:She's acknowledging she doesn't know everything, which is really important.
Speaker A:And she sounds like she's coming off with some confidence, though, too, because she's really trying to exhibit the leadership skills that she's learning in spite of the fact that she feels very uncertain.
Speaker A:I think she's going to be okay.
Speaker A:Really unfortunate, though, that she's got this situation.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think it's really important to go back and look at your success, Olivia, because the fact that you moved from that first job into a mentor role and training new people and then into this management role when other people have been in this department a lot longer than you really says a lot about not only your work ethic and the quality of your work, but also how you carry yourself.
Speaker B:And so don't lose hope.
Speaker B:You can do this and you'll figure it out.
Speaker A:I do think she will.
Speaker A:Although Maya is not helping the situation by really kind of sending her a message that she's not good enough.
Speaker A:And that's hitting a real nerve for her.
Speaker A:That's hitting her deep because she already feels a little bit like that.
Speaker A:But she's going into this with her head firmly on her shoulders and working hard, and I think she's going to be okay.
Speaker B:I agree.
Speaker A:Lots to talk about, though, here.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So let's start by just giving a short answer for anyone who needs to get right to the point.
Speaker B:But we do hope that you'll stay around because we're going to share a lot more thoughts and opinions on this.
Speaker B:Some real great insights and perspectives throughout the rest of the podcast.
Speaker B:So here's our short answer.
Speaker B:We would recommend that Olivia invest in her relationship with all of her employees with a special strategy targeted on building trust with Mai.
Speaker B:She should be sure that she is not competing with Mai for power or influence.
Speaker B:That is only going to make things worse.
Speaker B:She needs to make sure that she is not devaluing Mai's knowledge or experience.
Speaker B:She should not ignore Mai and she should not take it personally.
Speaker B:We do want to see her be humble.
Speaker B:It's okay to not know everything.
Speaker B:And it sounds like really Olivia's on that path.
Speaker B:She admits she doesn't know everything and wants to learn.
Speaker B:She should continue to be empathetic and caring.
Speaker B:Work on building resilience, avoiding burnout, because this is probably going to be a rough year.
Speaker B:Turn to your manager.
Speaker B:Turn to your HR team.
Speaker B:Use the internal learning resources that your large company might have to really continue to develop and define your skills.
Speaker B:Read the book Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.
Speaker B:If you haven't already, turn to Mai as your team expert.
Speaker B:Embrace her knowledge, help her understand her value, invest in her, help her prepare for the next time a manager role becomes available.
Speaker B:And lastly, unfortunately, take detailed notes just in case it gets worse instead of better and you need HR involved.
Speaker A:So I think we're ready to have a bigger conversation.
Speaker A:During our conversation, we are going to start by looking at this from a broad perspective.
Speaker A:And as we dig in, we'll also discuss the situation from a few angles, including conflict resolution, human resources, psychology, and a few other thoughts.
Speaker A:We bring you our wisdom from our education experience in working in Fortune 100 companies, volunteering and running our own business.
Speaker B:So this is a big conflict, one that's really causing a lot of impact to the entire team.
Speaker B:It sounds like.
Speaker B:Sounds like Mai has a lot of influence and she made it to the final two.
Speaker B:So she has a lot of respect throughout the department is what I'm hearing from that.
Speaker A:I hear that too.
Speaker A:But she has just gone to a not so good place here with her behavior in meetings especially.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's disappointing.
Speaker B:I feel like that's kind of a common thing.
Speaker B:Like you see these really top performers that are like striving, striving, striving, and they work so hard and then when they don't get the job, they just crash and burn because of that.
Speaker A:I think that's what's happening.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I'm not as used to seeing people so publicly crash and burn.
Speaker A:Like they'll do it privately and it just eats them up.
Speaker A:Yeah, but Mai has shown that she's not holding back fully.
Speaker A:She is showing some of her disappointment.
Speaker A:Maybe she's not purposefully showing that it might be just sort of leaking out when people try to squash down those emotions.
Speaker B:She mentioned that she kind of had a reputation for that anyway.
Speaker B:So it might just be that that's kind of her personality that then just kind of leaking over as a result of the job.
Speaker A:You know, you could be onto something there because also Olivia is new to the team.
Speaker A:She just heard things.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Have that relationship.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker B:I like that she's caring about what Maya's thinking.
Speaker B:A term we often use is perspective taking, and she's doing that for Maya.
Speaker B:I think it's important that she continue to do that.
Speaker B:It feels like all the emotions that Olivia's seeing from Maya is really anger.
Speaker B:But anger is a secondary emotion as we talk about a lot in mediation.
Speaker B:So what might she be feeling underneath that anger that's causing her to be so angry?
Speaker B:Maybe she feels unappreciated, unrecognized because she didn't get that person promotion.
Speaker B:Maybe she's disappointed.
Speaker B:She's probably working towards this and envisioning this for a long time.
Speaker A:I wouldn't expect Mai to get friendlier, but Olivia's working her way through this, and I think she's got some support and some tools and I think she's going to be okay.
Speaker B:I don't know if I agree that Maya won't get friendlier.
Speaker B:It sounds like this is very new.
Speaker B:I think there's a world where Olivia could win Maya over to her side.
Speaker A:It could happen.
Speaker B:So if I were gonna give Olivia advice for how to do that just based on the psychology and understanding of conflict that we have, it feels like Maya's lashing out.
Speaker B:So she needs to make sure that she's not avoiding her or ignoring her because that is only gonna make it worse.
Speaker B:She's probably going to be more active in her lash out because she's trying to get attention and acknowledgement is what my guess is.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Avoiding makes these so much worse.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think it's kind of human nature for a lot of people.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:If someone makes them uncomfortable, they're just gon walk a different direction to their desk every day.
Speaker B:Even like senior leaders, people that are, like, skilled in so many things avoid that.
Speaker A:Yes, it's really important.
Speaker A:You know, want a nice wash everything and just be super fake.
Speaker A:People pick up on that too.
Speaker A:But avoiding happens, and you want to be careful about that.
Speaker B:I wonder if Olivia could find a way to be authentic and really try to.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Authentic is the word I was looking for.
Speaker B:Well, I think if she's doing that perspective taking and really putting herself in my shoes, it sounds like Olivia might be a compassionate person anyway.
Speaker B:And so if she is, it might be possible for her to be authentically interested in Mai and building a relationship with her.
Speaker B:And that will be felt by Mai if she can get there.
Speaker B:If Olivia can feel that way, yes, that could happen.
Speaker A:I do want to tell Olivia that situations like this are common where people compete for the same management role and it can get weird.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Oh, for sure.
Speaker A:Whether they're on the same team, two people competing for the same management role on the same team, or in her situation where she's coming from a different team and she got the role over someone who is on the team already and now she's going to become their manager.
Speaker A:Yeah, it can get really weird.
Speaker B:And each of those situations is so different because if your peers with somebody working really closely with them and then you become their manager, you might be friends outside of work, you might, you know, all these other things come into it in this situation, it feels like that lack of relationship could actually be beneficial in the long term, hopefully.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because they don't have already a relationship established.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:They don't have that history.
Speaker B:In resolving the specific conflict that Olivia has with Mai, I would recommend that she start doing small efforts every day.
Speaker B:Like, I don't know if they're working in person or remote, but maybe it's like bringing in donuts sometimes or stopping by to say hello and goodbye to everybody if they are in person.
Speaker B:Or maybe just a quick IM once a day to check in on everybody, just let them know that she cares.
Speaker B:I think what I would also do in this situation is try to make her my lieutenant, like a second in command.
Speaker B:It seems like she's wanting that power, that authority.
Speaker B:And so are there small ways that you can give her that to help her know her value without reducing your leadership in the team?
Speaker B:And I feel like by giving her that, having her be the person you go to for questions because you're learning this job, like making her know that you value her knowledge and skills, having her be your lieutenant, it can be really valuable, asking for her opinions and then you can understand what her goals are.
Speaker B:Maybe like she only wanted this job because it was the one that came available.
Speaker B:Maybe you can help her invest in her future.
Speaker B:I love helping people develop.
Speaker B:It is one of my greatest passions.
Speaker A:I know you do like helping people.
Speaker B:Understand what their dreams are and their goals and then actively working towards those.
Speaker B:And sometimes people aren't great at strategy or planning.
Speaker B:So if you can partner with her and help her understand what her goals are and then help her make a strategy and a plan to get there, like this could be really good for her.
Speaker A:It could turn out well.
Speaker A:And I think that's important to have some strategies.
Speaker A:I think that probably Olivia knows from reading her leadership books, if she's been reading really good ones, that delegating is one of the top Challenges for new managers.
Speaker A:That's true.
Speaker A:They want to keep doing everything.
Speaker A:And that might not be quite as applicable to her since she doesn't know the work in the department.
Speaker A:But it is tough typically for new managers to delegate and it doesn't take away your power.
Speaker A:And in this case, it really might help build that relationship and a positive, positive way.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's great perspective.
Speaker B:I forgot that that's true.
Speaker B:But yeah, absolutely useful thing for her.
Speaker A:To try to do.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:Trying to make my kind of her lieutenant and empower her and they could really build that relationship.
Speaker A:That could happen.
Speaker B:I do tend to be very optimistic, though.
Speaker B:So if we look at this from a more pessimistic lens, which is probably helpful, let's say that things continue to escalate, she probably needs to have a.
Speaker A:Conversation with her, probably so it could come to that.
Speaker A:I don't want to give her false hopes too, but we're giving her strategies.
Speaker A:And I think that not expecting Maya to get friendlier is probably a good approach, but let's definitely give her some hope that it could.
Speaker B:Yeah, but then also if you expect it not to happen, then maybe it won't happen.
Speaker B:You have to envision the future you want.
Speaker B:Karen, this is good.
Speaker B:Yeah, sorry.
Speaker A:We double glad to get here.
Speaker A:We have some good philosophical discussions here at the HR mediators.
Speaker B:So if it got to the point where she was actively disrupting team meetings in a way that was causing problems for the success of the team, maybe like greater than rolling eyes or something, Maybe it was just like she stood up and walked out or.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:Whatever.
Speaker B:I think that would be when I would initiate a conversation with her about how her behaviors are impacting the team.
Speaker A:I agree.
Speaker A:And I think this sounds like we're probably pivoting onto the HR perspective.
Speaker A:Shall we do that?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I love that hr.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's great.
Speaker B:All right, so from an HR perspective, having worked in learning and development for several years, I know that a lot of these large companies have some great internal resources, both leadership and just development overall.
Speaker B:And sounds like Olivia's already taking advantage of some of those.
Speaker B:But definitely recommend that if she's not, she.
Speaker B:Take a look at that.
Speaker B:One of the programs that I worked on was a program that was where managers could go to training and do this comprehensive leadership training.
Speaker B:Actually, all managers were required to do that, and it was pretty cool.
Speaker B:So just some large companies may have programs like that.
Speaker B:And so make sure you're digging into those resources that can sometimes be hidden in those intranets.
Speaker B:I think the other thing is that if there was a good HR generalist who was there for leaders, I think I'd probably want to schedule a chat to get another opinion, see how they might support you, start taking those notes just in case things don't get better.
Speaker B:And if at any point you're getting actually threatened by Mai, I think definitely something else needs to happen and not.
Speaker A:Just I feel threatened because she's rolling her eyes in the meeting.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker B:Like an active threat.
Speaker B:It could be verbal, it could be physical.
Speaker B:Like I.
Speaker B:But I think that that kind of crosses the line into the we need to loop HR in in an active way.
Speaker A:And you're just talking about her being proactive with HR to ask about what the processes are.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think there's kind of two sides to this.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Like a good HR generalist will be there, bounce ideas off of and like have those conversations with.
Speaker B:I know some of the ones that I've worked with in the past have been amazing.
Speaker B:And so if you have that and you can have that conversation and get their support and suggestions, they might be able to provide some ideas that we haven't thought of here and also help Olivia understand the process forward.
Speaker B:If things continue to escalate with Mai, but then separately, if things do escalate in a way that causes like threats or really like outward aggression, I think that that needs to be a direct HR complaint situation where paperwork is fil and HR is brought in.
Speaker A:I don't see my going there and I think it's rare, but urgent threats are for security.
Speaker A:If you're working for a large company, you have a security department too.
Speaker B:Yeah, great point.
Speaker A:I like that about looping in with HR earlier about the situation because it's going to be important for her to not get into the hope or nothing approach.
Speaker A:I like that phrase.
Speaker A:Yeah, hope or nothing.
Speaker A:I've definitely heard from managers who have sort of this low lying conflict happening and it's just bothering them and they haven't really had a direct conversation with the person and they just sort of let it go on and on and on and then it starts to escalate.
Speaker A:Then they go to HR demanding that they get assistance for writing up this person and HR says, what have you done to try to fix this?
Speaker A:Oh, I've talked to them, but they have no documentation.
Speaker A:You know, it's just been those kind of squishy conversations where they're not being direct about what's going on and what they're asking the person to do.
Speaker A:So don't Let that just keep going and hope that it gets better, which is essentially doing nothing.
Speaker B:Yeah, we do hear that a lot in hr.
Speaker B:Like people complain about HR not having any teeth or not actually doing anything.
Speaker B:And a lot of the time it's because managers come without having.
Speaker B:I've been on both sides.
Speaker A:I love that you mentioned this.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So people come to HR and then want that, but then they haven't done anything.
Speaker B:And so to you, Olivia, make sure you're documenting.
Speaker B:Document everything.
Speaker B:If you have a verbal conversation, follow it up with an email.
Speaker B:Make sure you save those emails.
Speaker B:That will be helpful for you to be able to move forward if this does not resolve right, don't wait and.
Speaker A:Wait and then go to HR later and then complain that your hard working HR person is not doing anything because you would want a time machine to go back and have an earlier conversation with them to get their help.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Future Olivia will appreciate your actions today for sure.
Speaker A:And also Olivia could ask for support from her skip level manager if something useful skip level check in with Mai might help by providing a supportive outlet and addressing career concerns while also preparing to address any negative behaviors that might keep going if they keep going.
Speaker B:I love your point about Mai meeting with the skip level.
Speaker B:I feel like that might help her feel seen because then she knows that he didn't just not choose her and then let her fall off the face of the earth, he actually still cares.
Speaker B:And I that that will be incredibly meaningful to Mai.
Speaker B:It sounds like she's maybe a sensitive person that takes things personally.
Speaker A:I can see that.
Speaker B:Are we ready to pivot to psychology?
Speaker A:Let's do that.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So when I was looking at this situation, I am wondering how Olivia's feeling.
Speaker B:Sounds like she's somebody who is successful in life, psychologically speaking.
Speaker B:I feel like it might be hard for her.
Speaker B:And burnout is another one.
Speaker B:How is she gonna avoid being burned out, especially spending all this time and energy on all these different things.
Speaker B:There's a really great book out there about burnout and it's by, I think two sisters wrote it together and it's just really good.
Speaker B:But I'll stick that in the show notes too.
Speaker B:And then imposter syndrome is a common term that's discussed.
Speaker B:So I don't want to dive into it here because most people have probably heard that term.
Speaker B:But if you haven't, just high level summary, essentially you go into something feeling like you're not equipped or you're not a good fit because of your fears of failure.
Speaker B:Essentially.
Speaker B:I'm sure there's a much more eloquent way to say it out there, but sounds like Olivia is struggling with that.
Speaker B:And then I would also suggest that if she hasn't read Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, she should really read that book focuses on vulnerability, courage and trust building to be an authentic leader.
Speaker B:And I feel like that would really gain a lot of points with Mai.
Speaker A:That's a great book.
Speaker A:There's a term from psychology called normalizing, so normalizing can be really helpful.
Speaker A:But I also think it's important to note that if someone is truly going through a difficult situation, we don't want to, you know, nice, wash it and say, you'll be fine.
Speaker B:Everybody's gone through this for sure.
Speaker A:It's not applicable for squishing down feelings about things, but sometimes it can be reassuring and a little bit hopeful to mention that this is not that uncommon of a scenario.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Since we're not hearing anything in this scenario about serious systemic problems, I'd like to talk about resilience.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker A:Crucial skill for Olivia in this situation.
Speaker A:And you talked about burnout.
Speaker A:Very helpful for combating burnout.
Speaker A:There's a lot of great material out there about resilience and I did find an article which seemed like it could be helpful here.
Speaker A:I'll put it in the show notes.
Speaker A:A few things that were in the article that I think would be helpful for her are practice being okay with discomfort.
Speaker A:Calm those inner voices of fear, blame or resentment and practice believing in yourself even though you're having some discomfort.
Speaker A:And second one is plan to learn from your mistakes.
Speaker A:Know that trial and error is going to be part of this growth.
Speaker A:She might have a conversation with Mai and the first one may or may not go well.
Speaker A:Keep using those experiences as learning opportunities.
Speaker A:Keep learning and developing.
Speaker A:Learn from your mistakes.
Speaker A:And then the other one I wanted to highlight from the article is they mentioned coordinating with others, which she is doing brainstorming with her mentors, her boss.
Speaker A:Keep studying that leadership material is going to get her far and help her through this time.
Speaker A:Yeah, resilience is not a fix all.
Speaker A:So if there's deeper toxic dynamics, other interventions might be necessary.
Speaker A:A few examples where resilience might not be the top focus would be things like she's dealing with a narcissistic boss who doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
Speaker A:Same for if a company is going through unsustainable change where everyone has a double triple workload and they're not getting support and empathy from leadership and there's just no end in sight for those situations where there's too much and you're not going to fix it by just saying, oh, you'll feel better if you do some yoga.
Speaker A:It's like offering someone a cooling towel for their neck when the building is on fire.
Speaker A:It's just not really going to do much.
Speaker A:It's a drop in the bucket.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because the situation is so big and it's not just like getting yourself feeling a little bit better is really going to help much.
Speaker A:Although certainly it can help a little bit in those examples.
Speaker A:Not a bad idea to work on resilience technique techniques, but it's not going to fix the underlying issue.
Speaker A:I am not hearing anything in here that's particularly concerning from that standpoint.
Speaker A:So I do want to recommend resilience.
Speaker A:It's really going to help her with some tools.
Speaker A:She's learning her way through it actively.
Speaker B:There's a saying, right?
Speaker B:What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So before we wrap, though, I wanted to talk quickly about psychology for Olivia about my I think there's a couple things at play here which we've already kind of touched on.
Speaker B:One thing that I want to mention is status.
Speaker B:There's this really great book called the Status Game by Will Storr.
Speaker B:And your status is often tied to your ego.
Speaker B:And so in this case where Mai had her ego impacted pretty hard because she was expecting to get that job.
Speaker B:It sounds like her ego took a big hit and so she lost a lot of face with the team, potentially maybe with a broader organization.
Speaker B:If people knew her as a leader and maybe expected her to be in that role and then she didn't get it, I mean, that's a huge, huge impact to her ego.
Speaker B:Face saving is a term used in a lot of Asian cultures where you're trying to make sure that you're appearing successful in the eyes of others.
Speaker B:And so you want to avoid taking any actions or having anything happen to you or having anybody see anything happen to you that diminishes your status amongst the broader community.
Speaker B:It's more common in those collectivist cultures.
Speaker B:But I think that there's something here to be said, even in, like, the U.S. culture, because she has lost that status, at least in part, her ego has been hit.
Speaker B:So if Olivia, you can find some ways to help her restore her status, both in her own eyes and in leadership size, I think that'd be really valuable.
Speaker B:It sounds like the team still values her and doesn't see this as a problem potentially, but I think helping her see her own value will be really critical to helping you build your relationship with her.
Speaker A:Love those thoughts.
Speaker A:Shall we close it out for today?
Speaker B:Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker B:To summarize, our situation today is about Olivia.
Speaker B:Olivia is a top performer who just got a promotion to a new leadership position that she feels unqualified for and unprepared for.
Speaker B:In addition to that, the worst part is that one of her employees was competing for her role and is highly respected and admired throughout the team.
Speaker B:This person has been openly hostile to Olivia as she starts her new role.
Speaker B:We recommend Olivia lead with empathy, humility and resilience, as well as check out Brene Brown's Dare to Lead book.
Speaker B:She should also focus on building trust with this employee, which might include actions like acknowledging her expertise and continuing to engage her.
Speaker B:We also recommend that she continue to document just in case things get worse, but we're confident you'll win her over in no time.
Speaker B:Olivia for our listeners, if you're in a position of power, we hope you were able to see that a humble and empathetic approach to leadership can actually increase credibility and build trust.
Speaker B:We also hope you'll remember the importance of resilience and avoiding burnout as you face challenges in your life.
Speaker B:We hope this chat gives all of our listeners some ideas to use the next time they face a similar situation.
Speaker A:All of the resources we referenced in this podcast can be found in the show Notes.
Speaker A:Please let us know your thoughts, ideas and questions.
Speaker A:Also, if you'd like to hear our thoughts about a workplace conflict scenario you're facing, reach out to us that we might include it in this podcast.
Speaker A:We want to hear from you.
Speaker A:Check out our website at thehrmediators.com or email us at thehrmediatorsmail.com thanks for joining.
Speaker B:Us on the HR Mediators.
Speaker B:Stay curious, stay kind, and stay brave.
Speaker B:You've got this and we'll see see you next time.
