Artwork for podcast Me And My Tiny Human
Why the hell would anybody do this?
Episode 14th December 2024 • Me And My Tiny Human • Rachel Corbett
00:00:00 00:16:41

Share Episode

Shownotes

Welcome to the very first episode of Me And My Tiny Human!

A show that's been a LONG time coming...for me. Not so much for you.

You probably saw it five minutes ago and thought I'll give this a go, meanwhile I'm over here thinking for the last year and a half, "I should really do this podcast."

But unfortunately, I had set everything up and the plan was to put it together during mat leave.

HA!

Can you pick the person who's never had a baby before?

But I'm here now and that's the main thing. 

And in this inaugural episode I'm answering a question I get asked A LOT and that is "Why the hell would you do this, you idiot?"

Seems harsh?  Well, not really.

I'm a single person with no family around and no help, other than the help I pay for (which ain't cheap...bye bye savings).

So, I understand why people don't know why I'd make the leap and do it solo, because looking after a baby isn't easy, even when you've got a lot of support around.

In this episode I talk about why I decided to go it alone and why the idea of having a baby on my own has never felt like a consolation prize. 

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wangal people, of the Eora Nation.

I pay my respects to Elders past and present.

CREDITS:

Host: Rachel Corbett

Editing Assistance: Josh Newth

LINKS & OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF:

Click here to submit a question to the show

Email me: rachel@meandmytinyhuman.com

Follow me: Instagram, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, YouTube or check out the website.

Transcripts

Speaker A:

Hello and welcome to the very first episode of Me and My Tiny Human. My God, has this show been a long time coming? For me, not so much for you. You probably saw it today and went, oh, this is interesting.

I'll check it out. Meanwhile, I'm over here thinking for the last year and a half, I should really do this podcast.

But unfortunately, I had set everything up, gotten the design done and all that stuff, and then the plan was to put it together during mat leave.

Can you pick the person who's never had a baby before when I think back to that time, and I will dedicate a full episode to it because it really deserves some unpacking. I fell hard.

Not in a good way, not in the romantic kind of way, in a real Oopsie Daisy, my life has really tripped over itself kind of way and was just not capable of even doing the most basic of things. I could keep my human alive. I could keep my cel alive just barely. And that was about all I could accomplish.

So the idea that I thought that I would actually have the headspace to do that now really blows my mind. Although I do feel like other people would be capable of it. I.

I don't find myself to be a very not capable person, but I just did not nail that part of my life.

Not that I thought I was going to nail it, but I just really, really didn't nail it so badly that I just was questioning myself as human because I'm usually pretty good at getting things done. I do have to cut myself some slack, though, because I was doing it solo, and that's what this show is all about. When I say solo, I mean solo.

I mean both my parents are up in wherever you go after things finish here. I don't have any family locally, of course. I have good friends, but they have their own lives, their own families.

You know, there's only so many times you can say to somebody, could you come around and help me? When they're like, I've got kids of my own to deal with, so how about you just shut up and go away? So I am really doing this on my own.

Anytime that I take away from my sweet baby girl, I have to pay somebody to step in for me. So there's no sort of Saturday morning, can you just look after the bar? Because I'm off to Pilates kind of vibe.

If I want to go to Pilates, somebody is coming in here at the cost of $35 an hour to let me go to Pilates.

So if you are kind of thinking about having a baby by yourself, or you're just kind of interested in how it rolls out and how somebody does it and whether they still can string a sentence together, which is arguable, who knows? You can, you can judge. Then this podcast is really for you. I wanted to share my experience. I think it's something that a lot more people are doing.

I also think it's something that a lot of people are fairly terrified of and might avoid because they think that they can't do it, especially if they don't have any family support.

I think if I had a big family or my mum and dad were around and I had very involved parents, then I would probably think very differently about this whole situation. But I can understand why it's very daunting when you don't have that support and you just kind of have to get it done yourself.

But I tell you, if you are someone who is prone to self doubt or you have ever thought about yourself in a negative way and have a tendency to say things like, oh, I'm not very good at this, that or the other thing, or I'm not very accomplished, have a baby on your own, keep that baby alive, make sure it smiles every now and then, and you will honestly feel so good about yourself because it is such a goddamn achievement. You know, it really is. And it's one of the best things I've done, one of the hardest things I've done.

And I wanted to kick off this show, I'm going to talk a lot about a lot of things and I have a link in the show notes and the description of this episode where you can submit a question. You are more than welcome to ask any question that you would like. The question that I'm answering today is really one I get a lot.

And that is, why the hell would you do this, you idiot? Purely because I don't have the help. And it's a valid, valid question.

But I guess personally I never, ever, ever saw this version of my life as a consolation prize. I've never thought having a baby on your own was sad. I never thought it was anything you should be embarrassed about.

I didn't think it was something that you would be disappointed by. I think it's got this kind of stigma or this feeling around it, and I think that's changing a little bit.

But the idea that this is what you do, if you really couldn't forge the path, that is the path that everybody wants. So it's a bit of a too bad, so sad prize. So if you couldn't find the man, off you go and do it by yourself. And I just never really felt like that.

I actually, when I was previously in relationships and they were kind of moving towards that marriage, kids, kind of chat, I was definitely on board with that.

Don't get me wrong, if I had had somebody that I felt like, oh my gosh, you and I would just make a great baby and a great partnership and this is going to be an amazing relationship for the rest of my life, I would have gone into it somebody else for sure.

But I was always quite surprised when I was in those situations because I'd always sort of thought right in my heart that I would probably be a single mum.

And I don't know whether that's something that you then will into existence or if you just know yourself so well that you're like, if this was the outcome for me, I think I would really enjoy it.

And honestly, like, I had a relationship wrap up and I was sort of late 30s and I knew that I wanted to have a kid and I sort of knew that it was getting to that point where I, I sort of had to get serious about it because I was running out of time, I had frozen my eggs, I'd done it twice, I was like, well and truly across my fertility.

Like I'd been to all of the appointments and I knew everything and I'd sort of done everything I could to kind of contingency plan my way out of a situation. But I also knew, look, if I want to be serious about this, then I have to give it a try.

And so when I was kind of approaching closer to that 40 mark, I just stopped dating entirely because I really did honestly not believe that I had enough time to meet somebody, develop a relationship with them that was strong enough for me to truly, truly believe that even if things went belly up, that my life would be good.

I was very, very conscious being the kid of divorced parents, that if a relationship doesn't work out, I knew that I would absolutely be the kind of partner that would never use the baby as a pawn, would never try and back and forth in a neg for the child.

I wouldn't try and, you know, remove somebody from seeing their kid, but you just don't know how a relationship's going to play out and how somebody else is going to be.

And the closer I got to that sort of 40ish age, the more I was just like so protective of my independence and I was really not wanting to get into a situation where I even had to navigate that stuff, it just felt so much simpler for me to go down the path of doing it solo. And as I got closer to the time and I started to give up on the idea of dating.

And I don't mean that in a way of like, oh, I gave up, I'm finding love. I literally was like, who can be bothered with this garbage?

I mean, honest to God, anybody who has dated online, the idea of dedicating multiple nights of my week to sit down with somebody and work out if they're like, oh, oh. And I've never really been the type of person who has felt like a relationship is missing in my life. I'm all about a person.

If I meet a person and I'm like, oh, I want more of, of you around me, that is what a relationship for me is. It's really not the idea of the relationship. So I, when I'm on my own, I don't ever feel like, where is he? Where is he? Why? Why is my life like this?

I wish he was around like that. I just really enjoy my life by myself. When I'm with somebody and I love them, it's amazing. But when I'm by myself too, it's amazing as well.

So I've never really felt that way. And I just could not be bothered like schlepping through the apps and trawling for somebody like, find me a baby dad. Oh my God, no. Oh.

Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. So I just cut that entirely. People thought I was weird. People thought I was like, there was something a bit wrong with me.

Because when they'd say, are you dating? I'd be like, no. And they're like, but you're a 39 year old woman who's single with no child. What is wrong with you? And it was, man, I had some.

I felt like I was explaining myself constantly and it was real boring at times because apparently just saying I just don't want to date is not enough. It is once you're divorced.

And I always had this wish that I was a divorced person because you know when you see divorced women and they've done the marriage thing and then they're like, I'm never going to date again. I've done it. He was an idiot. I'm not doing it again. And people are like, go sister. Yes, girlfriend, you own your life.

But if you are single and you have that outlook, where's the parade for me? Nobody's saying woohoo, go girlfriend, you're living your best life. Everybody's like, oh, that's a bit sad. You didn't find anyone.

It's almost like you can. If you've just ticked the marriage box, then you're okay to be like, I'm just fine on my own. But prior to that, nobody buys the argument.

You know, nobody says people are like, well, really, if you really think about it, are you really happy? And it's like, yes, I'm really happy. How is that such a weird thing to believe?

So I cut the dating and I dedicated myself basically to just getting my mind right for the baby. And that did take some time.

It took more time than I probably thought it was going to take because I've always known in my belly, in my mind, in my gut, that I wanted to be a mum. So I was really surprised, as I was getting kind of older and older, that I wasn't kind of feeling like, now is the time.

And I will do an episode specifically on the idea of being ready, because that is something a lot of people said to me when I would explain to them that I was not ready. And the number of times that people said, you're never really ready, I don't believe that to be true, but I'll leave that for another episode.

But as time kind of got closer and I, you know, I was really focused on, let me get my head in the right space, let me get my finances in the right space. Because honestly, once that kid comes out, that's the sound of me making it rain.

It's just like money comes into the wallet and it just flushes down the toilet. So you really have to be prepared for that as well.

But, yeah, just spent the time getting my mind ready and I don't really know what I did to do that. I just kind of started putting the wheels in motion. I started to go and have meetings with fertility specialists.

I started to reach out to donor websites.

And I will go through in depth the process around choosing a donor, because I think that's something that's very overwhelming for people and also something that a lot of people don't know much about.

Like, I just thought there was just this one big sperm bank that everybody kind of tapped into and everything got delivered to that one big sperm bank. But that's not how it works. So I will do an episode entirely on that.

But, yeah, as I got kind of closer to the age that I ended up having, Olivia, which was 42, I actually was so glad I was on my own. The closer that time got, the better it felt. The more excited I felt, the more Free.

I felt I could not believe that I was lucky enough to have gotten myself to a space where I was able to do this. It felt, and still feels today, like the most impressively powerful thing I've ever done in my life. And it will continue to feel that way.

And since she's come along and I have kind of really sunk my teeth into this life, it is so the right choice for me. It was the right choice for me. It will always be the right choice for me. I could not be happier that I have done this this way.

And I don't know if 21 year old me, if you'd said that to me, I don't know whether I would have believed it. But I honestly think this is, for me, the best way that this could have happened. And a lot of that is because of the freedom.

When I say I feel free by myself, people are like, huh, you got nowhere. Like, you can't even go the toilet. Like, oh, no, no, no. It's a different kind of freedom. It's an existential freedom.

But I do feel like I can date time in my life.

I could date when I'm 90 if I wanted to, but I had a small window of when I could have a child and the idea that that child is now mine, that I can make decisions that are in her best interest, in our best interest, that I never have to think about a situation where I can't move somewhere if I wanted to because I have to be close to the baby's father or I can't put my kid in school because that a certain school that I want to send her to because the father doesn't agree or that I could not have called her what I wanted to call her because that's not a name that somebody else likes.

All of those things that just aren't a consideration when you do it by yourself is just to me and the person that I am and the way that I like to live my life, it's just absolutely perfect. And it is something that I'm really excited to kind of share more about on this podcast.

As I mentioned, if you have any questions at all, please click the link in the description of the episode. Send me it. Do not feel like you're going to offend me. I mean, keep the swearing or the rude stuff to a minimum and please don't ask me out on a date.

Like sometimes people do that and I'm like, oh, you're so barking up the wrong tree. Like, you could be the nicest person alive. But on the list of things to do right now in my life, like, dating would not even be on there.

Not even if there are 350 things on that list would dating be on there. So thank you, but come back to me in 10 years. Or maybe not, you know. But you are welcome to ask any questions.

I know there's often a bit of, like, how does this even work? What kind of process do you go through?

But even some of those questions about what happens when you actually have the kid and you don't have any assistance, like, how does that work? There's a lot of stuff that I've sort of been taking notes about over the last little while since I wanted to start this show so long ago.

So there's just lots to share and talk about. And I hope you will join me on that journey because it's just a wild ride.

And if you are one of those people who thinks that they want to have a kid and they haven't met somebody and you just want to join me each week and see if it would be possible for you, geez, I hope you feel it is, because it really is worth the goddamn punish of the day to day.

Sometimes when the kid's sick, like the times when Olivia's been sick, that's when it really is like, oh, I can remember a case of gastro where I had the gastro after she had the G and I had to look after her for the day.

And I was just lying on the couch trying not to spew and poo everywhere, and I just had a toy that I was dangling over her face, trying to keep her distracted. So in those moments, is it the best thing I've ever done in my life? Not really, but as a whole, it is. Good.

So thank you so much for joining me for this very first episode.

As I mentioned, I'm going to be diving deep into the ins and outs of the whole process of how you actually do this, as well as what it is actually like to parent a young person on your own. And I really hope to see you here each week. I'll be here if you're here. Great. We'll just hang out together.

If not, you get on with your enjoyable life and I'll just be bleeding into the wilderness over here hoping that somebody listens to my problems. I'll see you next week.

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube