How can families be supportive during a senior loved one's downsizing to senior living, and when is it time for Mom to let professionals take over? Rebecca Bomann, CEO of SASH Services (Sell a Senior's Home), joins Suzanne to advise families during downsizing. Sometime families help, and sometimes they get in the way and make it more complicated than it needs to be. Her three tips: Let mom take ownership of the move; let professionals be the bad guy; and validate mom's emotional journey.
Let mom take ownership of the move. Rebecca says, "I really believe strongly that the more the senior gets to make their own decisions in the sale, the more it's done on their terms and on their timeline, even if it's not convenient for the family. They'll feel a sense of ownership, that I did this when I was ready, I did this My Way like Frank Sinatra says. I encourage families: let your parents decide, give them options to choose from, and respect the timeline they're on, because they will arrive at their timeline. Sometimes it's longer, sometimes it's shorter. Sometimes it takes a crisis, but just give them the autonomy and the agency to decide when they want to do it and how they want to do it. It's hard for family, especially when there's a lot going on. But it's so powerful for the senior to experience."
Let professionals be the bad guy. "When should family step back? Professionals come in, they're detached from the home emotionally. They're there to do their job, and they're experienced and trained in taking care of seniors, and they won't get as frustrated with mom or dad that they want to take, you know, 11 lamps to their new apartment. So let them be the bad guy. Let the downsizer and the mover and the placement advisor and the senior care professionals, let them be the person giving the guidance. So you can just be the son, you can just be the daughter, in a supportive and loving place, letting your parent have this journey on their terms."
Validate mom's emotional journey. "Another thing really is just validating and respecting the emotions that the parent is going through. There's going to be the denial and the grief that they're feeling about leaving the home, and the sadness about the memories. I would never say, 'you know, mom, at least you have a place to move to mom. At least you have money in the bank.' Just say, ' it's so understandable to be sad right now. And this is really hard, dad,' and just validate the place they're coming from, because they're still a person and they have agency. Validating their feelings and letting them have permission to grieve, and go through that emotional journey, makes it such a better landing on the other side."
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