In this episode, I open up about my personal journey of coping with new mom grief. Here’s what I’ll be discussing:

• The challenges I faced after becoming a first-time mom and how I navigated the complex emotions of transitioning to this new phase of life.
• My experiences with denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately finding acceptance.
• The strategies I used to get to the acceptance phase of grief

If you are experiencing this, my hope is that through this episode, you know that you aren't alone and things can get better.

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And so just having that shift in my thinking, not that I

lost out on something. You know, it was, it was a

loss. Right. We can accept that it was a loss. Because it was a life

that I enjoyed, but just because that phase of

life is over, does not mean that this new phase can not be something beautiful

as well. You are now tuned in to the mom

CEO suite podcast. I'm your host, Phylicia,

wife, mom, and entrepreneur. In this podcast, I'll be

sharing my mompreneur journey along with strategies that will help you

build your online business operations in a sustainable way.

The goal is to help you build a business that fits into your lifestyle as

a mom who values putting family first. We will also hear the

experiences and expertise of other moms with service

based businesses. You'll get a peek into our journeys so you'll

know that you aren't alone. Motherhood gets hard.

Entrepreneurship gets hard. But together we can

do hard things. Welcome to the suite.

Hey friends. Welcome to another episode. Thank you so much for being here. So

today I'm talking about something a little bit differently.

This is not a business episode. And if you've seen the title, you see

the word grief in there, but I want to clarify a little bit, this is

not a trigger warning or anything. I'm not talking about grief.

From losing a loved one. I'm not talking about death. If that's

something you were expecting, just wanted to clear that up. That's not what I'm talking

about today. Um, but I am talking about a different type

of grief. So grief really shows up

for many different reasons and in lots of different

ways. And so before I really start getting into this, I want to just give

my disclaimer. That I am not a professional practitioner. I

am not providing medical or mental health advice. I am just sharing my

experience with this particular subject. Okay.

So when I became a mom for the first time, everything that I saw

online about motherhood. It was either talking about how

beautiful it was, how it was such a blessing. Or it was

talking about just how challenging and how hard it was,

but those things did not articulate some of the feelings

that I was having. Right. And so

after some time, I realized that what

I was feeling was grief. I was grieving my

old life prior to motherhood. So I'm just going to kind of

give you guys my, backstory a little bit, and just the

circumstances around how all of this kind of transpire. And

so. Way, but not way big, but December,

2020 I found out I was pregnant. Okay. February

20, 21, I moved to South Carolina.

Okay. Now. It was not my plan to get

pregnant. And I was originally planning

to move down to South Carolina. My dad lives down there and I've

been wanting to go. I had been wanting to go down there for a couple

of years. Um, and I finally said, okay,

January 20, 21, this is it. I'm moving to the

Carolinas. I'm starting a new life there. Let's do it. And

then. December of 2020. I found out what I was pregnant.

And so I had to make the decision, do I. Not

go to the Carolinas. You know, I didn't know if I would be able to

move down there again, after I had my daughter. So I decided to

just. Be in the Carolinas for my pregnancy and

give birth to my daughter down there. Now at the time, my husband and I,

we were not married. And so, I was still

technically single. So I was just moving, moving like a single girl,

right. So August, 2021, I gave birth to my

daughter. And in may of

2022. Moved to the DMV area

with my nail husband. And we got married in August of

2022. Okay. So all of this kind of

happened very quickly. I got pregnant.

Moved to South Carolina head. My daughter moved

again to the DMV area. And then I

got married. Right. And so. After

we got married, we got back from the honeymoon and then we started settling

into everyday life. All of the excitement of all of

the things that was happening, it started to wear off. Right.

And I had a new normal, and I struggled to

adjust to it. I was away from my family and I

have a large family. I have five siblings. I'm the

second oldest. And, um, so I was away from my family who was a big

support system for me. And I was in a new place where I

had no friends or connections yet just my husband

and my kids. Those were the only people that I knew. Um, we hit not

yet found our church home. And I was newly married and I had a

new baby. So it was a lot happening, a lot for me

to adjust to. All at one time.

Okay. Now before motherhood,

I had the freedom to go wherever and

whenever I chose to. you know, I could just pick up and go. I didn't

have to think about anybody else. I didn't have to consider anybody else's

schedule. It was just me. But then

after motherhood, I was not able to do

those things and it made me feel Bevery restricted

and sometimes I felt sadness and sometimes I feel

resentment. And at first, I didn't know why I was

feeling the way that I did, but once I realized it was grief, it made

sense to me. And now that I identified what it

was, I could now take steps to get better or to feel better.

All right. So before I share what I did to kind of get out of

that phase, um, I want to talk a little bit. Just give you

the stages of grief and. This is something

my old therapist shared with me a long time ago. so

I'm just going to share it here with you guys. So first is denial,

right? And how this. How they showed up for me. I really

was like, this can't be life right now. This can't be

life because it was just like a shock. Of

how different it was. Compared

to life before motherhood and marriage. Right? So

I was in a little bit of denial that. And then the next

phase is anger. And, um,

I was angry at myself for a little bit

for my pregnancy circumstance. You know, I kind of told you guys in the

beginning, It wasn't a planned pregnancy and I wasn't

married yet. And I was literally

planning to quote unquote, start this new chapter in my life.

I ended up starting a new chapter, but it wasn't what I had in mind

or what I was planning for. and then I also had some

anger. Towards my husband. Because I

felt like he just didn't understand what I was

going through. Right. So it was denial.

Anger. The next phase is bargaining. I'm not really sure how

they showed up for me, but bargaining is really like, if you do

this, I'll do this. So basically like negotiating in some way.

I'm not sure how that really showed up for me. The next phase is

depression. Now for me, I don't think I was

like fully depressed or anything, but I definitely had moments where I would

say it sometimes. Right. and then the final phase is

acceptance. And that's where I'm at now. That's why I

can talk about it now. Right? Because now I'm at a, a place.

And my life where I have peace about my life and about

motherhood and marriage. Right? So again, those

five stages are denial, anger,

bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I so

now that I'm in the acceptance phase. I absolutely. I

love being a mom. Not that I didn't love it before. It was just so

new and so different. And I was experiencing that grief

that I really couldn't be as present as I am now. Um,

and things they're not perfect, but. What I talk

about all the time. I have harmony. Okay.

And now I'm in a place where I can say to others. I see you,

your feelings are valid and things. Can change

So, what are the things that I did to kind of get into this

acceptance phase? So number one is

prayer. Like I've talked about my faith here before,

but. When it came to this topic, I, you know, it was

not something that I like prayed very heavily

or deeply on, or I didn't, I didn't even fast about it.

But it was just simple prayers, like give me strength.

Help me to be the wife and mom, you call me to be, it was

really like messages asking for help because I needed

it. I could not kind of be in this new

phase of my life without the support of

God or the guidance and direction. From God. So

prayer number one. Okay. Um, number

two. I was therapy. And so therapy came in the

form of marriage counseling. so the

way that happened, my husband and I, we ended up going to a

marriage retreat. And the facilitator.

I think we both were kind of drawn to him, maybe for different reasons.

And we just started going to counseling sessions with

him. Um, and then later on, we ended up joining his

church, but when we were just going through the marriage counseling,

This is where I was kind of exposed to this idea. Of

experiencing grief as a new mom, He brought this up in our

counseling. And it really just clicked for me there.

And I encourage you all. To go to therapy, I

know a lot of times we can feel like we are alone. Nobody

understands what we're going through. And I don't know if I've mentioned this

before. I've done therapy before. Outside of marriage counseling

just for myself. And I have said before that if I did not go to

therapy during that past season in my life, I don't

know if I would be here. Okay. So I would encourage you to find a

therapist that aligns with your values. And that's

really that you feel comfortable with. Um,

Again, That therapist that I ended up working with, she, wasn't the

first therapist that I went to. So make sure you find somebody that you're comfortable

with, and really just get the support that you need in that area.

Okay. So there was prayer. There was therapy.

Next thing was that I communicated my feelings to my

husband. And so. Keeping my

feelings bottle up. It was not helpful to

anyone. It just caused more frustration.

And resentment. And so however

you're feeling, you know, if you have a partner or a spouse, I would be

fully open and transparent about the things that you are feeling,

the things that you are going through. The things that you are

struggling with. As a mom and usually

men they're fixers. And they're. They're like, what can I do? And

I didn't have an answer when my husband asked me that he asked me, what

can I do? I said, I don't know, but I'm just telling you, because

this is why. I'm I'm.

Feeling or acting this way. Right. And so it just kind of helped to

ease the tension a bit. Um, the next

thing that I focused on was my mindset.

Okay. I said it's super important.

And for me. This looked like, instead of focusing

on what I could not do anymore. I started

focusing on the impact that I could have in the

life of my children. And I also started

focusing on how I could incorporate them into new

things and create new memories. and new experiences

with my new family. Right. And so just having that

shift in my thinking, not that I lost out on

something. You know, it was, it was a loss. Right. We

can accept that it was a loss. Because it was a life that I enjoyed,

but just because that phase of life is over, does not mean

that this new phase can not be something beautiful as well. All right.

So my set was, a big thing that I, I, worked on.

Um, the next thing that I worked on. And this is going to be the

last thing in my list is self care. Right? So

I needed to have some time away to myself.

I needed time away from the kids. It's very hard to kind of

regroup. And, just replenish and be your

best self. If you don't have time to yourself at all.

And so even if it was for a short period of time, I needed to

get back to doing things. That I loved or things that I,

I enjoy doing. Right. I could not have my entire.

Uh, existence be around the children. And

for a short period. It was. And so I needed to

fix that so that I could feel like I still had my

identity outside of the children. And so, you know, I started

getting back to some of the things I enjoyed and I loved like reading.

And now on the weekends, Part of my

plan is to actually be outside of the house, doing these

things. Um, because sometimes when you're in the house, it's still

like, The kids still want to come around.

So now I'm moving into this phase of being outside of the

house, getting my breaks, doing things. Going to the library,

browsing books, getting some work done without

interruption. Right? So just self care, whatever that looks like for

you. And I think I talk about this.

I talk about it somewhere. And my content that self care. is not

always, you know, The rest or

the. the. external things like the manicures,

pedicures, the massages. While those things are helpful. Self care

also looks like dealing with. Your past

traumas that are bleeding into your current life, right? It looks like really

being honest with yourself. About why your

reality is the way that it is and self care really looks

like. Addressing just internal issues and

internal chaos that you have. And sometimes it might not feel pretty,

but once you address those issues, then. You're

really able to just be a better version of yourself.

And self care is really taking care of yourself internally and

externally. Okay. So again, just to do a quick recap,

um, the things that I did to kind of navigate new mom

grief was number one, prayer. Number two therapy

in the form of marriage counseling. Uh, number three, I

communicated my feelings to my husband. Number four

was mindset where. And number five

self care. And so, like I said before, now I'm in a place where I

can say to others, I see you, your feelings are valid. Things can

change. And again, I'm not a professional practitioner, but I just wanted to

share my journey. Since I'm encouragement and let you know

that you are not alone. Okay. So if you are in this

phase of navigating new mom grief, And you just want

another person to chat with, feel free. Send me a message over on

Instagram slide in my DMS, the last chat. And if you

are looking for some guidance with creating and experiencing.

work life harmony for yourself. Then I invite you

to sign up for the harmony private podcast all right.

Look forward to chatting with you on Instagram and I'll see you in the next

episode. Thank you for listening to the Mom CEO Suite

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