Have you ever had a difficult day and found your mind running away with itself long after the moment has passed? I have. In this episode I'm sharing something personal - a moment when someone said something hurtful about my work, and how I found myself doing exactly what I teach others not to do: spiralling.

Because knowing the tools and remembering to use them when you're hurt are two very different things.

We explore what's actually happening in the brain when we catastrophise - the amygdala hijack that takes our rational mind offline, the default mode network that keeps the rumination loop running - and what neuroscience tells us about how meditation physically changes all of that over time.

I'm also sharing my five ways back to the present moment when anxiety takes hold - from mindfulness and contemplation, to humming, sound, and walking until your feet become ears.

This one is for anyone who's ever let a 'what if' steal their evening. Those free recordings I mention are available at https://www.feelingsound.co/blog

Presented by Clare Savory, produced by ASFB Productions. For more about what we do, and to listen to free guided meditations and sound baths visit FeelingSound.co.

FEELING SOUND PODCAST

Episode 8 — The Anxiety Spiral: What If vs What Is

Presented by Clare Savory | Produced by ASFB Productions | FeelingSound.co

I'm just heading out into my back garden — there's a little grasshopper on the floor, mate. Welcome back to the Feeling Sound podcast.

I'm having a quick check in the greenhouse and the veg garden, seeing how everything's holding on in this heat. My tomatoes look like they need a good feed — they're all starting to ripen. I've been checking on my courgettes. I'm getting new flowers opening every day. I'm checking the lettuce for slugs.

I feel like all of this could be an analogy for how many of us feel on a daily basis. Watching out for slugs, holding on in there, probably needing a drink of water.

My harvested water supplies have officially run out — I'm running on empty. And sometimes when people come to my sessions, perhaps they feel the same way.

Why is it that we leave it too late before we realise we need to take a break?

Now, maybe you've been listening to these episodes as they've come out, or maybe you're binge listening and catching up — but I do need to start with a bit of an apology. It's been some time since I put out episode seven, and there's a reason for that.

I was feeling a little bit fragile. And I ended up writing about it in my newsletter, which carries the same title as this episode — What If vs What Is.

Something happened in one of my sessions. Somebody walked out of my meditation class within about thirty seconds. Very, very quickly. And as they left, they said: I need to go. I don't like your voice. It's doing my head in.

You can imagine how that landed. And then I had to steel myself together to continue holding the class and run a gong bath afterwards.

I'll admit to you that it hurt. It bothered me more than I thought it would. A little bit of doubt crept in, if I'm honest — and that made me hit pause on doing these episodes. It just landed a bit strange.

But what I wanted to talk about in this episode was the process I went through. Because with time and space, I was able to look at the situation from a different perspective — from their shoes, from my shoes, and from what the evidence actually says.

It gave me an opportunity to really practise using the tools I talk about on this podcast — for myself. And after I sat and jotted down these ideas, I came up with five ways to work through anxiety and spiralling negative thoughts after a difficult situation.

When I put this out in my newsletter — which you can sign up for at FeelingSound.co — the response was really quite incredible.

Lots of people were very kind about my voice, which was lovely. But what was more important to me was that it opened up conversations with people who've been coming to my sessions for a while — about what spiralling looks and feels like for them.

We'll be hearing from a couple of those voices in this episode, alongside my own reflections.

Sometimes you have to capture what's actually going on when you start spiralling — because I know a lot of us want to jump straight to fixing it, looking for solutions. But part of what I've really learned from meditation more recently is this idea of learning to just observe. To sit with what is.

My mind went straight to the what if. It was running through all these scenarios: what if they're right, what if I'm not good enough, what if everyone else has been thinking this and just hasn't said it.

I jotted down all the what ifs in my journal. And I am quite the catastrophiser — that was actually one of the things that brought me to meditation in the first place. To try and quieten down, dial down the noise on some of that catastrophisation. Great word, isn't it.

Once I'd captured those thoughts, I was able to lean into my toolbox — the one I've really worked hard at building for the last ten years.

I started thinking about the neuroscience. The amygdala — this is the brain's threat-detection system, sitting deep in the limbic system. It looks at fear and stress responses. And one of the things that's so helpful about meditation is that it can actually help shrink the amygdala over time.

It also strengthens another part of our brain — the prefrontal cortex. This is where rational thought lives, perspective, decision-making. Meditation helps make that stronger than the fear and stress response that's shouting inside us.

There are other parts of the brain that kick in during an anxiety spiral too — things like the rumination loop, or the default mode network. I've spent days, weeks in that place. Lost hours, days, probably years of my life in the rumination loop. If you want to go and explore some of that, Google default mode network — it's a good place to start.

When we practise sitting with what is — creating space in our minds, whether that's through meditation, listening to sound baths, rest, a run, a walk, some gardening — we increase grey matter in the prefrontal cortex. The part responsible for rational thought.

That's the part that goes offline when we spiral. We switch off all rational thinking and head into: what if they're right, what if I'm not good enough.

For me, understanding what's actually happening in the brain gives me a little bit of a sense of control. Even when I've been days and days stuck in a rumination loop and felt anything but in control.

And I think that's where learning about why we should stick with something like meditation really matters — because we can train our minds to get some sense of control back when we need it.

What really surprised me about this situation was that I have been doing this work for a long time — and I'm still not immune. It can still happen. It's just that the bounce-back is quicker. I don't enter rumination loops for days or months the way I used to. I'm able to give myself a few days to feel sad, to lean in, and to really ask: was it this moment that triggered me? Or did it remind me of other painful things from my past?

And it did. It brought up difficult conversations I'd had with managers at the BBC, where I left feeling like I'd never be good enough to be a presenter. Once you lean in and observe what's actually happening, you can go a bit deeper — and then you can start to look at what the right response is.

Previously, my solution would have been to go home, have a drink, eat a massive cake, order a pizza, endlessly watch Married at First Sight. I would have numbed out or avoided.

What I've learned over the last few years is that techniques like meditation — even just lying down with my headphones listening to some of the Feeling Sound recordings — are about actually being in it. Observing. Sitting with the emotions. Because we're so clever at switching off our emotions — and that's actually how we fuel anxiety. We keep that fear fire stoked.

Once you've sat in the emotion, seen it, felt it, looked at it — it can pass through a lot more quickly.

Let me share a couple of messages from the Feeling Sound community, which were really helpful in understanding this pattern of what if versus what is.

Sonia said: as someone who struggles with anxiety, this email really resonated. She's done a mindfulness course alongside yoga, and sound baths are helping her be less reactive and more present. Less reactive. More present. That's exactly what we're talking about.

I know I'm throwing around the lingo — amygdala, prefrontal cortex, default mode network. I didn't even do that much science at school. I did my GCSEs and then A-level physics, and that's about it. But check me out now. My anxiety has led me down the neuroscience geek route.

Kate also shared: I can completely switch off when I go to sound baths. The calming effects don't just last for the hour, and that's exactly what I was looking for. It makes you realise it all makes sense.

That idea of giving yourself space — allowing thoughts to wash through you, like waves, like clouds, like leaves blowing off a tree in autumn — just allowing things to move around without getting stuck in them. That's where you're able to look at things from a different perspective. Or, as Kate says, it just makes sense.

What is is the antidote to what if. It's not toxic positivity. It's not pretending things don't hurt.

One of the things I did as a coping strategy was go for a walk. I had a really smooth stone in my coat pocket — one I picked up on a beach in Anglesey on my birthday last year. It's got a white stripe right down the middle, which is very visually pleasing. I walked and just ran my thumb up and down this stone.

Touch, sensation — the senses are really great at bringing you back to the present moment. Staying still wasn't helping, so I used physical movement and physical touch, and I labelled everything I could see around me. That is mindfulness. That is a form of meditation. That is a way of being with what is actually here, right now.

People don't always think that's meditation — but it is. And that's also contemplation: giving your attention somewhere to land. It could be something physical, or it could be a phrase you sit with and just see whatever arises.

These are all techniques — some of it is creating space, some of it is being openly aware, peeling back the layers like an onion as they unfold quite naturally. The senses bypass the thinking mind. They're the fastest route back to the present moment.

In my newsletter I came up with five ways to come back — to ground yourself and return to the present moment when these situations arise. Because let's face it, we can build a wall around ourselves, but this will happen. We all have different things that hurt, different baggage, different triggers. The older we get, the more we have. So we need coping strategies.

Way one: mindfulness. Even just two minutes of sitting and watching your breath. Following the in and out — noticing whether you feel it in your chest or your belly, whether it's going in through your nose or your mouth. Breathing into pockets of tension. Whether you want to count or not, a pattern like box breathing or coherent breathing can help interrupt that amygdala loop and start to bring your thinking brain back online.

Way two: contemplation. Finding something real to give your attention to — something you can touch, or even a phrase that resonates with you. For beginners I'd suggest something physical first, because if the foundations aren't quite in place yet, your mind can start to run away. A stone, something in the garden, something in the house you haven't touched for a while — even a spoon. Something you can notice without making it mean anything. Just a tool to help focus your attention somewhere more helpful.

Way three: humming or chanting. I know — not everyone's cup of tea. But I promise you it's one of the most powerful tools you have access to at any point.

When we hum or chant, we're making the out-breath longer. That directly activates the parasympathetic nervous system — the rest and digest state, the opposite of fight or flight. By elongating the out-breath, we reduce cortisol, we boost GABA, which helps slow the stress response.

You don't have to sing. You don't have to chant words you're not sure about. I often introduce it using just vowel sounds — it gives people somewhere familiar to land.

I particularly love humming and chanting when I'm feeling lethargic, stuck, low in energy, not moving forwards. I'll hum to my microwave, my coffee machine — just find the note and hum along to it. The car is a brilliant safe space for singing out loud.

Om is said to be the frequency of the earth. There are lots of tracks on Spotify you can sing along to. Afterwards you can feel a real buzz — it changes your vibrational energy, which is essentially what sound is.

Something shifted in me about a year ago — ironic, given I started this episode talking about someone criticising my voice. I got into chanting properly and gave it a really good go. They say the ideal is to find a chant and do it for eleven minutes for forty days. I wasn't able to keep that up, but even a couple of weeks was enough to understand what they were talking about.

Way four: listen. I have three-minute mini sound baths on my website, FeelingSound.co — released as the twelve soundscapes of Christmas. There are seascapes with Koshi chimes, Himalayan singing bowls, crystal bowls, gong, wind — all kinds of things. Pop your headphones on and let it do what it does. It's made for exactly these moments.

Way five: move. Get outside. Notice the seasons — which flowers were closed last week and are now open, the subtle shifts happening all around us. When we're in an anxious spiral, we have no room to take any of this in.

This is walking meditation. Being here in the present moment as you take each step. My favourite quote from the composer and deep listening pioneer Pauline Oliveros: walk so quietly that the bottoms of your feet become ears. Imagine that. What a way to shift your perspective.

Why does this build over time? It's not a quick fix. Think of it as a training schedule — helping to make that spiral a little shorter, creating space between what hurts and how we react.

This is neuroplasticity — we can change our brains structurally by the habits and thoughts we practise repeatedly. Every time I return to the present moment, I'm strengthening the pathways that make it easier next time.

At first this takes real conscious effort and it might feel uncomfortable. But over time it just becomes the norm. This is a practice, not a quick fix. It's cumulative, it's quiet, and it works. I can tell you it works.

I wanted to share a story from someone who's been to my sound baths. They sent me an email in response to the What If vs What Is newsletter, and I thought it was really powerful.

They said: I attended a sound bath the same day I returned from Auschwitz. After about fifteen minutes, something happened. Pictures of the victims started to flash in my mind, and tears began rolling down my face. Once that happened, I felt like I'd registered it all and put it into a compartment.

Before the sound bath, they hadn't felt emotional at all — they'd been taking the information in, but with no emotion there. They were confused by that. And it was almost by coming to the sound bath that they were able to make space to feel, and to process what that experience had been.

'If my brain has done this, then sound baths must be such a useful tool for people with their own traumas.'

All these different things that trigger us. This baggage so many of us carry — worries that have genuinely been real, life or death, health. Really heavy. And sometimes anxiety is not the enemy. Anxiety is there to protect us.

But what if these quiet practices we do regularly — learning to rest, being more mindful, finding a meditation technique that works for us — could help us so that when our own traumas are triggered, we have tools to come back to?

Some closing thoughts.

Knowing the tools and remembering to use them when I'm hurt are two very different things. I've been building this spaciousness for the last decade, and it didn't stop the spiral — but when I realised I had something to lean on, had something to come back to, that was a real lightbulb moment of gratitude. For all the work I've been doing, the commitment I've made to look after myself.

I hope that brings some inspiration to you too. This stuff is worth it.

Some questions to sit with, wherever you are right now:

When did you last catch yourself in a what if loop — and how long did you stay there? Was it hours, days? Was the rumination just about that one thing, or did it roll into everything else you'd been carrying?

Which of those five ways feels most accessible to you right now — the two-minute breath watch, contemplation on something physical or a phrase, humming or chanting, a three-minute mini sound bath, or just moving in some way to come back to the present?

And has someone ever said something to you professionally that followed you home? What did you do with it? What could you do differently?

I'll leave you with those thoughts. I'll be back again very soon. Come and find all the resources and everything I can offer you at FeelingSound.co — you can find me on Instagram and Facebook too. Come and connect. I'd love to hear from you. Have a great week, whatever you get up to. Bye!

Presented by Clare Savory, produced by ASFB Productions. For more about what we do, and to listen to free guided meditations and sound baths visit FeelingSound.co.