Kelley Smith at CarePartners Senior Living joins Suzanne to discuss how to talk about dementia or Alzheimer's with your senior loved one. We all get forgetful at times, depending on our stress level and workload. You can be forgetful at 20, you can be forgetful at 40. You can be forgetful at 80. Normal forgetfulness is you're walking out the door; did you bring your keys? Not normal is you've got medications on the counter that are eight years old, but you think that you just got them. Unless we have a long-distance relationship with our families, we usually can tell when there's been a decline that's significant enough to make a difference. Watch for signs of danger: is the person becoming a danger to themselves or other people? If you think that's an issue, get them in to see their doctor to get a proper diagnosis.

How do you bring that up? First, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Understand that what you're going to talk to them about is scary. This is not an easy conversation for you to have, but it's a harder conversation for them to have. Think about the message you want to convey — ask them how they're feeling. Ask them if they're noticing things: are they feeling a little bit different, and are they noticing things are a little tougher or harder, or whatever it is you've noticed in the home?

Also keep the family dynamic in mind. Kelley shared this story: “One time 15 years ago my mom got really sick and was in the hospital for a long time, and finally they said she could go home, but they really recommended she had some extra care. And I said, hey, I'm the oldest kid, I'm the daughter. I'll come take care of you. And she said, yea, No. My feelings were hurt for just a minute, but then I got it. She did not want our dynamic to change. She didn't want to become my child. If I had gotten sick and she took care of me, there wouldn't have been any dignity issues, because she's already been doing that from the time I was born.”

You have to think about that when you're having these conversations with your loved ones. Try not to put them in a position where their dignity could be a concern. Maybe they don't want you to be the person who cares for them, and don't take that personally. You're gonna have to honor their wishes as well. 

In the next segment, Kelley and Suzanne talk more about connecting with our senior loved ones in a new way. Learn more at CarePartners’ website. 

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