If you perceive that you had a tough childhood or experienced childhood trauma, then this is for you. Dr Demartini reveals how your so-called imperfect childhood may have been more perfect than you originally thought.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

USEFUL LINKS:

To Access the Show Notes go to: https://demartini.ink/3T6ReRp

Watch the Video: https://youtu.be/WkUPZAl0Lgo

Learn More About The Breakthrough Experience: demartini.fm/experience

Learn More About The Demartini Method: demartini.fm/demartinimethod

Determine Your Values: demartini.fm/knowyourvalues

Claim Your Free Gift: demartini.fm/astro

Join our Facebook community: demartini.ink/inspired

Mentioned in this episode:

The Breakthrough Experience

For More Information or to book for The Breakthrough Experience visit: demartini.fm/seminar

The power of a human being is that we can

take whatever happens to us and change

2

our perception of it.

3

Each time I present the

Breakthrough Experience,

4

very commonly I have attendees want

5

to tell stories about their

childhood, challenges that they had,

6

sometimes people will say that, you

know, I was not wanted, or I was,

7

they wished I was a boy or a girl, the

opposite sex or maybe some different sex.

8

Sometimes they think, well,

my mom was not there for me,

9

or my dad wasn't there for me, or there

was aggressive or too passive or didn't,

10

they ignored me or didn't want to

put any attention to me. I mean,

11

people come up with all kinds of

reasons why they thought that they were

12

having an imperfect childhood.

13

So today I'd like to unveil maybe

the perfection inside your imperfect

14

childhood and discuss that.

15

Because I see that in almost every week

when people come to the Breakthrough

16

Experience, they start out that way,

17

and then we go through which

I call the Demartini Method,

18

and we ask a new set of questions and

make them aware of things that they hadn't

19

been aware of. And at the end they have

tears of gratitude for what happened.

20

So I'm going to make a statement

here that might shock some

21

people initially.

22

But everything that

goes on in your life is

23

perceived through your filter.

24

So if you have an expectation that

people are always supposed to be nice and

25

never mean, when they're mean, you're

going to think that you're abused.

26

Or if you have an expectation that

people are supposed to listen to you and

27

you're supposed to be important, if

they're not, they're ignoring you,

28

you're going to feel ignored. So, your

29

expectations have a lot to do with

what you project onto your reality.

30

And I'm of the opinion that

whatever's happening in your life,

31

it can be perceived in the way and

you can become a victim of history,

32

or on the way, and become a master

of destiny. And I've been doing,

33

helping people transform their

perceptions for decades and

34

I'm certain,

35

I've yet to see something that people

have been through in their childhood that

36

they can't turn into an

opportunity and be thankful for.

37

Anything you can't say

thank you for is baggage.

38

Anything you can say

thank you for is fuel.

39

I had a boy who was abandoned

40

in his mind from a foster family.

41

And before that he was an orphan

and his parents both died.

42

So he grew up thinking that he

was, you know, rejected, unwanted,

43

et cetera.

44

And so he had been going to various

therapists and specialists and

45

foster family trainings and things,

46

but most of his life until

21 was the idea that 'I was

47

an unwanted child.' And that

was the story he was running.

48

And people like to share their

story that way, their victim story,

49

because they somehow get sympathy

and attention sometimes from it.

50

So I was asked to work with this boy and

51

I said, so your parents died,

52

you were put into an orphanage and then

you got into a foster care and you got

53

rejected by the first family and you

got into the second family. Yeah,

54

I've been unwanted all my life. That's

the story he ran. And I said, okay,

55

maybe, but do you know how to use the

internet? He goes, yeah. You have a phone?

56

Yeah. Let's go online.

And I said, pardon me?

57

I said,

58

go to and look up famous

celebrities that started

59

out as orphans or foster care.

And we started looking things up,

60

started looking at famous

names, Sir Isaac Newton,

61

his father died when he was born,

62

his mother then left him for

a while trying to find a man,

63

left him with a guy that had an

apothecary kind of place. And

64

I made a list and I showed him a list

of famous people that did extraordinary

65

things on the planet. And there

were hundreds of these names.

66

It wasn't just a couple, it was hundreds,

67

famous people that started out as

orphans or abandoned or, you know,

68

fostered or whatever. And

when he saw that list,

69

I said, these are all the most impactful

and powerful people on the planet.

70

They made a difference in the world.

71

You come from the same

source as these people.

72

And he looked at that and his, he framed

his mind differently. And he says,

73

so what you're saying is that I

have a special background? I said,

74

you have the background of these

individuals that went on to do something

75

extraordinary. Are you

sure this isn't a gift?

76

Instead of a blaming setback?

77

And so we can take,

78

the power of a human being is that we can

take whatever happens to us and change

79

our perception of it. William James,

the father of modern psychology,

80

says that the greatest discovery of

his generation is that human beings can

81

alter their lives by altering their

perceptions and attitudes and mind.

82

Now I've been doing in the Breakthrough

Experience for decades now,

83

taking people who've been through whatever

they imagine is terrible and finding

84

out how it served them. They

never asked that question.

85

They just assumed with the moral

hypocrisies that that event

86

was terrible.

87

And they never stopped to look at what

might have been the blessing that came

88

out of it, or how they could

initiate incredible things.

89

So when I, all of a sudden I ask them to

go and look for the benefits, they go,

90

well, I don't see any. I said, look,

again. I can't think of any. Look again,

91

because you stopped looking, because

there's always two sides to it.

92

And people will argue and say, well,

what about this? And I go, yep, that too.

93

What's the benefit of that?

94

And all of a sudden people discover some

upsides to it, creativity's out of it,

95

they develop skills out of it,

new angles, new perceptions,

96

new drives. I mean,

97

I'm amazed at what some people will

uncover if they ask the question,

98

how is whatever's happening

on the way, not in the way?

99

How's it helping you do what's

most important to you in your life?

100

How's it helping you do something

extraordinary? And if we ask,

101

see the quality of our life's based

on the quality of the questions,

102

if we ask questions that way, we will see

that what we thought was imperfection,

103

will have a hidden order to it and

a magnificence to it if we look.

104

The difference between disorder and

order is missing information is called

105

disorder. And when you discover

that information, it's order.

106

So by taking the time to find out

the other side of the equation

107

and to balance the equation,

108

liberates us from the

story of the imperfection.

109

I had a lady who was in Florida,

110

and she had again been

abandoned in her mind

111

and she felt rejected and

she went to a foster parent.

112

When they did, the foster parents

were busy, but they cared about her.

113

But she perceived that she

missed out on a mother.

114

That her mother abandoned her.

And that's the story she ran.

115

She felt that she was

unworthy and rejected. Okay.

116

So I asked her a simple question.

117

Let's make a list of all of the particular

traits you think your mother didn't

118

give you because she was

gone and she rejected you.

119

Let's write all the things down.

120

And she wrote down about a dozen things

that she thought she missed out on,

121

the nurturing, the caring, the

guidance and this kind of stuff.

122

And then I took each one of those things

she thought she missed. And I said,

123

so who provided that particular behavior?

124

It's not missing. Nothing's

missing. Where is it? And she goes,

125

huh, my mom's sister, my aunt,

126

I guess took on some of that. And

my grandmother took some of it.

127

And my best friend's mother took

some of it as I got a little older.

128

And then one of my teachers

took on of it. And I said,

129

so is the quantity that you would've,

130

you thought you would've

gotten from your mother,

131

that you thought you missed out on,

132

can you see these other people

took on that trait? Yes, I do.

133

I said, can you see that you didn't

lose it, you didn't miss out on it,

134

it was just in a diversified form,

it was not one, it was many people,

135

but you had all the things you

wanted from your mom? She goes, yes,

136

I never saw that.

137

So if you take the thing you think you

missed out on and find out who provided

138

it and hold yourself accountable to look,

139

and I've been doing that for decades

now, I assure you nothing's missing.

140

It's in a form that you just didn't honor

because you had a fantasy about how it

141

was supposed to be, and you're

not honoring the way it is.

142

And whenever you compare your

current reality to a fantasy,

143

you won't appreciate your reality.

144

So I went through all of those 12 items

that she thought she missed out on,

145

and we accounted for every one of them

until it was a hundred percent accounted

146

until she believed that the quantity

was equal to what she expected from her

147

mom. And that was eyeopening

because she realized,

148

so what you're saying is that I didn't

really miss out on that. I said, no,

149

nothing was missing. Missing

information is called disorder.

150

And when you see the information, you

realize there was a hidden order to it.

151

And then I said, so you are assuming

that if your mom had given it to you,

152

it would've been better. But if

your mom had given it to you,

153

what would've been the drawback?

And she just froze. She said, well,

154

there wouldn't be any drawback if my mom

had given it to me. I said, no, no, no.

155

Everybody thinks it's a greener

pasture on the other side.

156

I have people that come to

the Breakthrough Experience

and they say, well,

157

my mother smothered me. And

then other people that think,

158

my mother was never there for me.

159

And each one thought the other one

had a better deal. And they don't,

160

because each of them have

both positives and negatives,

161

things you like and dislike.

162

But if you have a fantasy that the

other would've been all positive,

163

then you will not appreciate your current

reality because you're comparing it to

164

a fantasy. So what would be the

downside if your mom had been there?

165

And when she did that,

she froze and she froze,

166

and she all of a sudden got teary eyed.

167

And she goes and shook a

bit. And I said, what is it?

168

And she said something my aunt

said to me when I was really young,

169

I just remembered it. I

said, what is it? She goes,

170

my aunt said that the reason

why my mom wasn't there,

171

I didn't believe it and didn't make sense

and didn't want to believe it at the

172

time, but she said,

173

the reason why your mom wasn't there

is because she left you in a tub

174

with really hot water and got,

175

she had bipolar condition,

176

and she left me in a tub and I almost

drowned to death and burned to death in

177

the boiling water, the hot water.

And the mother said to her sister,

178

I am not capable of raising

this beautiful child.

179

It's not fair to her to have me.

180

And all of a sudden her anger towards

her mother shifted and she realized

181

her mother cared and loved her

and made sure she got what she was

182

wanting for her through other people

who were more competent because she felt

183

that she's unreliable and could

leave her child unprotected.

184

So she didn't leave because of

rejection. She left because she cared.

185

And when she got that she

cried and she goes, oh my God,

186

I can't believe that I just completely

ignored that and ran the scenario

187

and story so I could be the victim

and then get sympathy from people.

188

But when I stop and think about it, my

mom really cared and was there for me

189

and she gave me an opportunity. I said,

190

what's the benefit of these other

women taking these roles? And she said,

191

I learned a different language.

192

I got opportunities in education

I wouldn't have gotten.

193

And the foster parents did

extraordinary things for me,

194

even though I punished them,

195

they gave me opportunities I would

never have gotten by my mother,

196

there's no way, she was not,

she didn't have the income,

197

she didn't have the lifestyle.

198

I can't believe that I fabricated

this fantasy about my mom.

199

The real truth is she would not have been

able to provide some of these things.

200

And she made sure that she gave me

a better deal. And in that moment,

201

the perception of her childhood shifted.

202

From unwanted to I'm special.

From, I'm not worthy,

203

to I have something special to do,

204

and I want to make sure my mom's

effort wasn't gone in waste.

205

And she shifted that day and started

to put focus on doing something

206

extraordinary. Now, during the time

she felt unwanted and not worthy,

207

she didn't believe that

she deserved a great guy.

208

So she was hanging out with guys

that would take advantage of her.

209

And she was in low

socioeconomic positions.

210

Her perception of herself was compared

to a fantasy she was holding onto.

211

And she created partly a fabricated story.

212

And here's something that she made and

then she realized that if you ask a

213

different set of questions

and become cognizant,

214

you'll see things from

a different perspective.

215

I saw that same thing in a boy in

Australia who was supposedly abandoned.

216

But it turned out that his mother came

from Mumbai and lived in a slum and

217

she believed that he deserved a better

life than what they could offer.

218

And his life changed at age 21,

219

changed his life also just like this

lady. So it's not what happens to you,

220

it's your perception,

decisions and actions from it.

221

And you can take anything that's ever

happened to you and you can find the

222

upsides to it. I do it every

week working with people.

223

And every time I do the Breakthrough

Experience, every single time I do it,

224

I'm helping people transform the

story that they've run in their life,

225

the childhood victim

story, into a victor story.

226

And to find out how whatever's

happened is on the way, not in the way.

227

And a lot of people will run that story

because it's been convenient. They,

228

they, they've leveraged it

with unconscious motives

to hold onto the story,

229

instead of actually going and transforming

it into an opportunity and doing

230

something extraordinary with their

life. We all want to make a difference.

231

And some people think they're going to

make a difference by getting sympathy and

232

play small and use that as their excuse.

233

But I assure you that's not where the

most empowered self-worth comes from.

234

It's from doing something that makes

a difference in people's lives.

235

If you ask people, when have you had

the most fulfilling moments in life,

236

it's usually when you're doing something

that's a service that contributes to

237

somebody else's life that's meaningful

to someone. And they say thank you.

238

And there's been a

sustainable fair exchange.

239

So I've seen people who have been beaten.

240

I had a gentleman who was in Los Angeles,

241

really shut down guy.

242

And he was basically not really

wanting to interact with people,

243

but he attended the program.

244

Somebody told him to come to my

Breakthrough Experience program.

245

And what was interesting is he was just

very quiet and he really didn't want to

246

participate, he just sat

and wanted to spectate.

247

And so I kind of got in his face

in a bit and I said, all right,

248

so who are you having a big resentment to?

249

Because we had one of the exercise was

to identify who you resent the most and

250

show you how to dissolve that so you're

living beyond so-called forgiveness,

251

but to actually be

thankful. He says, well,

252

my father was absolutely violent.

253

He used to hit me with baseball bats

and I used to have to hide under the bed

254

and surround myself with

pillows because he beat me.

255

Because when my mom died, he expected

me to do everything that the mother did,

256

cook and clean and chop

and everything else.

257

And I had to cook for him and clean

the house and everything else.

258

And I started that when I was four.

259

And if I didn't do everything I was told

I was beaten with a baseball bat or hit

260

and slugged. And I said, great,

261

okay so let's say that's

happened, I'm not negating that,

262

but let's find out how it served you.

Well, there's no service to that.

263

How can you say that, he's

cruel, he's mean, he's this.

264

And he wanted to label this guy. And I

said, and I spent quite a bit of time,

265

well some of my facilitators who had been

trained in my work also tried to help

266

this guy, but he really

wanted to hold onto his story.

267

And then I asked him something that

was, I can't say it was, you know,

268

well thought out, genius idea, it

just happened to come to me. I said,

269

so what do you do for

a living? And he said,

270

I am an animator for Disney,

271

I make all of the children's

animations for all the movies.

272

And I just got this intuitive

chill in my spine and I said, Hmm.

273

So just outta curiosity,

274

when you were sitting under your bunk

bed in order to dissociate from the

275

so-called trauma and the challenge

that your father gave you,

276

did you use a creative imagination

and did you create another world?

277

And he looked at me and he stared and he

said, it's exactly where it came from.

278

And I said, did you thank

your father? And he goes,

279

no. I said,

280

is that one of the most meaningful

things you do to make a difference in

281

children's lives? He said,

that's what I live for. I said,

282

did you ever thank your father because

you would not have had the creative

283

talent and skill if it hadn't have been

for being under the bed and used your

284

creative mind as a survival

strategy? He saw that and he said,

285

I never saw the connection. Wow. I said,

286

you sure that this wasn't on the way

for your mission in life? I mean,

287

why not see it that way? And

he closed his eyes and I said,

288

what do you want to tell your

father? And he says, I had no idea.

289

I said,

290

I had no idea you were preparing me

for what I absolutely love to do today.

291

I'm one of the most successful

animators in the world because of you.

292

And he opened his heart and saw the

perfection. Then I asked him a question.

293

At the moment your father was beating

you, who was overprotecting you?

294

And he said, nobody. I said, they

don't have to be in the room,

295

but who's trying to protect

you? And he goes, oh wow.

296

There's a lady next door who knew

what was happening in our house,

297

and she was frightened of my dad.

298

But she would always come

when dad would leave,

299

she'd come over and help us clean up

the house or clean up the place and help

300

cook and stuff. And she didn't

want me to ever tell him that.

301

But she helped out. She was the over

protector and trying to keep me safe.

302

I said,

303

whenever you have an over protector and

trying to keep you safe and keep you an

304

innocent little child,

305

you usually get somebody that kicks

your butt to make you grow up,

306

because you must have,

307

and maximum growth and development

occurs at the border of support and

308

challenge. And if you get overprotection,

you get aggression, you get over,

309

you know, support, you get challenge,

you get over ease, you get difficulty.

310

Whatever you seek that makes

you juveniley dependent,

311

that become dependent on you attract

the opposite to make sure you grow.

312

So your father did everything he could

to make you an entrepreneur and to grow

313

and to do something

independent. And he says, well,

314

I did become independent young and

I did go on my own. I said, exactly.

315

He said, I've never perceived my father

in the light that I have just seen now.

316

I've always seen him as a monster.

I've always wanted to just, you know,

317

spit on him almost.

318

But right now I just want to give him a

hug and tell him thank you, I love you.

319

Now, this is my observation,

320

deep inside almost every

child is a part that

321

wants to love the parents.

322

And deep inside of the parents is a

part that wants to love the child.

323

But sometimes we don't know the skills

or we don't know how to communicate and

324

we get self-righteous with our amygdala,

325

and expect others to live in our values,

326

and we have unrealistic expectations

and we don't know how to communicate

327

effectively, so we go to gesture. And

if we don't get gesture of doing it,

328

we eventually get to aggression and

we end up doing outrageous things with

329

people, because we

haven't governed ourself.

330

And that's primarily because we haven't

asked the questions to see the hidden

331

order in the apparent

chaos. And once we do,

332

we realize that the

childhood we had was not an

333

imperfection,

334

but it was actually giving us the exact

ingredients needed to do something

335

extraordinary with our life.

336

I had a girl that was having sex

with her father for many, many years.

337

And I said, well, what was the

benefits of that? And she goes, well,

338

there's no benefits of that. And I said,

well, what were the benefits of that?

339

And she said, well, I realized

I had control over men. I said,

340

how have you used that? Well, I have

gotten places as a result of that. Great.

341

And what do you do for a living today?

And she says, well, I'm a nurse. I said,

342

you have control over men? And she said,

that's most of my patients, .

343

I said, we started to look at

some of the other sides. Now,

344

am I saying that these behaviors are

good? No. I'm just saying they're events.

345

And sometimes people get trapped in

these moral boxes about this is good and

346

bad. And then anything they label

good, they fear the loss of,

347

anything they label bad, they fear

the gain of, and they're trapped.

348

And it's almost like a survival mentality.

349

Instead of seeing that there's two sides

to every event in life and everything

350

has a place. If it didn't have a place

on the evolution of human beings,

351

it would've gone extinct. So it must

serve a purpose. The question is is,

352

what's the purpose?

353

Just because the average psychologist

or philosopher or thinker hasn't figured

354

it out, doesn't mean it

doesn't have an upside to it,

355

because I've helped people find the

upside. And when they find the upside,

356

they all of a sudden liberated from

that experience and they realize that

357

there's two sides to every event in their

life and they can transform their life

358

the moment they have that realization.

359

So all I can say is that if we take

the time to equilibrate our mind and

360

ask the questions to

help us see both sides,

361

we don't have to be victims of

history, we can be masters of destiny.

362

So right this minute,

363

if you stop and look at the things you

thought were terrible in your life,

364

if you look carefully enough, you

can find out how it served you.

365

It either developed a skill or it helped

you strengthen something or helped you

366

in some way. If you don't see it, well,

367

you'll run the story and stay in a victim

of your history and store it in your

368

subconscious mind and you'll be frightened

of things that associate with it and

369

looking for its opposite.

370

You'll be extrinsically run by events

that you've chosen to see only one side

371

to. But if you take the time to see

both sides and balance the equation,

372

you set yourself free. And then

you're not run from external stimuli,

373

you're run from within.

374

And then the voice and the vision on the

inside is louder than the perceptions

375

on the outside. So I just want

to say on the message today,

376

unveiling the perfection of the

so-called imperfect childhood,

377

that there is maybe more of an order in

your childhood than you ever give credit

378

to. If you have had difficulty finding it,

379

please consider coming to

the Breakthrough Experience.

380

I love helping people find it.

381

I love helping people unveil what that is.

382

Liberate themselves from the

illusion that they may keep storing,

383

unnecessarily. And if you want to run

the story and stay the victim, well okay,

384

that's fine. You have a choice to

do that in life. But deep inside,

385

deep inside, you want out. And

deep inside there's a way out.

386

And that is the questions you ask.

387

And I've been working for

years at accumulating the

questions on how to do that.

388

So if you'd love to come and join

me at the Breakthrough Experience,

389

I'm certain that it can make a

difference. I've taken thousands,

390

I mean literally 120,000 people through

who've had those type of stories and

391

had them come out on the other

side looking at it differently.

392

People that they've never been able to

hug and appreciate and finally able to do

393

it, including themselves. Because

Sometimes the story that you make up,

394

you feel guilty about because you know

it's not the whole picture intuitively.

395

And you would like to set yourself

free. Come join me. I assure you,

396

the Demartini Method,

397

the method I've developed over the years

to ask questions to help you see things

398

you don't see, become conscious

of what you're not conscious of,

399

to make you fully conscious,

which is intuitively empowering,

400

I know works. I've seen it. I

have too many people who use it.

401

And there's thousands of people that

I've trained are using it in thousands of

402

other people's cases.

403

So if you would love to go and

liberate yourself and change the story

404

from an unwanted child,

or a rejected child,

405

or a beaten child or abused child,

or whatever it is, the wounded child,

406

if you want to go and dissolve that,

come to the Breakthrough Experience.

407

Years and years ago I

was doing a show with a

408

gentleman that had started

the wounded child, the,

409

what do you call it? The

dysfunctional family, John Bradshaw.

410

And he was promoting that while he

was still playing the victim of his

411

childhood.

412

He later turned out doing some of

the same things his father had done,

413

which humbled him. And then he started

to realize why his father did that.

414

And he finally made

peace with his parents.

415

And I remember we did a

show together and he says,

416

I can't believe what I used to teach

years ago that everybody's holding onto

417

about the wounded child, It was my own

wounds, and now I don't have that wound,

418

and now I see the magnificence of what

happened and I'm trying to help people

419

see the other side now. I said,

well, that's what I'm doing.

420

I'm trying to help people see the other

side of the equation and balance the

421

equation. He said, yeah, I

couldn't see it. I wanted to play.

422

And then I got a bunch of attention and

I got notoriety for playing the victim,

423

because everybody wanted to play a victim.

424

But I realized I didn't really

help people staying stuck.

425

I help people by liberating them.

426

And I was inspired to hear that because

he had promoted people into the victim

427

world and then turned around later in his

life, he realized it wasn't the power.

428

It's not where the power is.

429

So if you'd like to unveil the

perfection of the so-called imperfect

430

childhood, please consider coming

to the Breakthrough Experience.

431

I know the questions that you will

be asking yourself and answering with

432

accountability, because

I'll help you do that,

433

will be liberating and tear-jerking,

but not tears of sorrow,

434

will turn them into tears of gratitude

for the order that's there in your life.

435

And then you'll realize that it's

all on the way, not in the way.