Shownotes
Show notes
In the podcast Josh discusses the theory of fear versus courage cycles. He explains how fear is a physiological and psychological response to perceived threats, and outlines different fear-based reactions including trying to control the threat, experiencing fear and worry, or freezing in response. He then introduces the concept of the courage cycle as a more positive and productive response mechanism, which leads to personal growth and improvement. This cycle includes responses such as taking responsibility, showing fortitude, and making self-sacrifices in challenging situations.Josh prompts listeners to reflect on their own reactions to fear and encourages them to adopt more courage-based responses in their daily lives.
00:00 Introduction to Fear and Courage
00:47 Fear in Relationships: The Fear of Rejection
01:19 The Fear Cycle: Triggers and Reactions
01:50 Fear-Based Reactions: Control, Worry, and Freezing
03:59 The Courage Cycle: An Introduction
04:47 Courageous Responses: Responsibility, Fortitude, and Self-Sacrifice
06:44 The Balance of Virtues: Courage, Love, and Prudence
07:05 Inspirational Quotes and Reflections on Mental Health
07:59 Self-Reflection Questions for Personal Growth
08:24 Conclusion: Surrender Your Fears and Feed the Courage Cycle
About Josh Kalsbeek, LMFT
• As a Psychoherapist I help people overcome their greatest struggles.
•Founder and CEO of Great Oaks Collective, and it's flagship program Overcome, a 10-Week virtual Intensive Outpatient Program for Christian couples experiencing sexual betrayal and addiction. www.greatoakscollective.com.
• Sign up to receive my weekly email newsletter, Words of Wisdom.
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Links
Doris Kearns Goodwin, Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln
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Transcripts
Words of wisdom one 13 on the fear versus courage cycle.
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:Fear is a physiological
response to a perceived threat.
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:Fear is a perception.
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:It's an interpretation of reality.
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:We see something off in the distance in
the woods and think it's a bear, so we
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:become afraid, but it might not be a bear.
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:It might just be a bush.
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:We feel fear when we think we see
the bear, the perceived threat.
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:Fear is either about a perceived
current or future threat.
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:The threat is putting us in
danger to where we feel unsafe.
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:Fear is also physiological.
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:It's an unconscious response at
the level of the nervous system.
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:Our most fundamental
fear in a relationship
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:is the fear of rejection, and this
stronghold of fear avoids being known.
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:It avoids intimacy and vulnerability.
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:It hides in the darkness
instead of living in the light.
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:Fear is a thief.
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:Fear steals.
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:Fear steals your connection with God,
because when we withdraw from being known,
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:when we avoid connection, we experience
deep disruption in our relationships.
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:The fear cycle is our response to fear.
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:We get triggered by a perceived
threat, and then we can
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:have a fear-based reaction.
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:I define a reaction as a
typically unconscious or
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:conditioned response to a trigger.
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:These fear-based reactions are
often modeled and ingrained
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:into us from our childhood.
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:These reactions are
often attachment wounds.
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:In the blog, you'll see an
image of the fear cycle.
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:The fear cycle is a trigger that
leads to a reaction that leads
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:to either trying to take control.
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:To fear and worry or to freezing.
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:When we react to a trigger, we typically
respond in one of these three ways.
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:First of all, we can try
to control the threat.
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:This is using our power in an
unhealthy, manipulative way.
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:We put ourselves first and put
others in a one down position.
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:We take advantage.
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:We lie, threaten, criticize, and rage.
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:We do whatever it takes against our values
to have the power to control the threat.
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:We know it's control when we are
driven by fear, not by love and
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:compassion for ourselves and others.
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:Secondly, we can move to fear and worry.
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:This is rumination and thinking
through the worst that will happen.
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:We experience failure in our
minds before we ever get there
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:in reality, and that increases
the likelihood that we will fail.
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:We feed a spirit of fear and doubt
and denial of our God-Given strengths,
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:opportunities, and responsibilities, we
go to an all or nothing thinking or point
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:out the many ways we failed in the past.
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:It lacks courage and trust in God.
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:Thirdly, we can freeze.
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:We can flinch, cower, or become small.
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:We may look away from the threat
as an unconscious way of not
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:appearing threatening, of showing
where we think we belong in the
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:power hierarchy at the bottom.
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:We can shut down or withdraw.
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:We can seek to avoid out of fear.
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:We can have a trauma response
of disassociating and becoming
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:disconnected from our body.
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:When we have any one of these
fear-based reactions, they can feed
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:further fear-based reactions, worry
leads to shutting down and avoidance,
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:or perhaps that worry builds to
panic, fear, and leads to taking
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:control and taking action to try to
ensure that we are never hurt again.
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:The courage cycle is part of what
I call the flourishing way, which
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:I'll share more about in the future.
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:In summary, the flourishing way
is a movement away from the five
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:strongholds towards the five virtues.
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:It's a movement of courageous
transformative growth.
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:When we perceive something, we may
not even be triggered because we may
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:see it more clearly for what it is.
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:We may respond with courage.
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:Where one person living under the
stronghold of fear might perceive
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:rejection at every turn, the other may
not even feel threatened by someone else.
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:We can be in the same situation
and instead of reacting with
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:fear, we can respond with courage.
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:Let's take a look at what
I call the courage cycle.
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:On my website, you can
see the courage cycle.
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:It's a movement from a trigger to
a response to one of three forms of
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:responding, responding with self-sacrifice
with fortitude or with responsibility.
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:So we're gonna first look at
taking responsibility instead
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:of withdrawing from a threat.
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:We take ownership of what is ours to own.
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:We choose patience and faithfulness.
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:We stay connected to ourselves in the
world and step up with responsibility.
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:We say yes to serving others.
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:We show up.
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:Sometimes taking responsibility
means setting boundaries.
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:A boundary is a line we
make in order to stay safe.
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:A boundary is a way to be
responsible for our own wellbeing.
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:When others aren't safe,
boundaries can help.
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:Secondly is fortitude.
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:We face dangers and threats
with taking courageous action.
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:Fortitude does not mean the absence
of any emotional disturbance.
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:Fortitude means living in
alignment with our values in the
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:midst of uncertainty and risk.
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:We may be hurt, we may be wounded,
but we stay connected to our values
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:and doing the next right thing.
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:We move forward and
take meaningful action.
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:The way to grow in fortitude
is by taking courageous action.
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:Thirdly, self-sacrifice.
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:Instead of trying to control
others, we love and serve them.
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:We do for others what we wish
they would do for us, we go first
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:instead of waiting for the other.
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:We initiate.
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:We lead the way in service and
self-sacrifice, not looking
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:for anything in return.
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:Too much self-sacrifice, and you live in
a victim mindset, too much responsibility
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:and you don't empower others.
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:You can weaponize boundaries, but that
is not coming from a place of love.
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:All virtues are interconnected.
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:So if you grow in courage, you want
to also grow in love and prudence.
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:Otherwise you can become
foolhardy and reckless.
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:Taking courageous action creates
opportunity and more opportunity
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:brings more responsibility and
leads to more ways to serve others.
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:Quotes, "You gain strength, courage, and
confidence by every experience in which
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:you really stop to look fear in the face.
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:You must do the thing you think
you cannot do by Eleanor Roosevelt.
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:Mental health Contemporary
psychiatrist tells us, consists of
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:the ability to adapt to the inevitable
stresses and misfortunes of life.
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:It does not mean freedom from anxiety and
depression, but only the ability to cope
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:with these afflictions in a healthy way.
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:In outstanding feature of successful
adaptation writes George Valiant, is that
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:it leaves the way open for future growth.
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:Of course, Abraham Lincoln's
capacity for growth would prove
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:enormous by Doris Kerns Goodwin.
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:In her book team of Rivals, the
political genius of Abraham Lincoln.
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:Questions, what is your typical fear
reaction when you are triggered?
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:What courageous action
do you need to take?
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:In what way can you take
responsibility today?
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:Who can you serve simply
for the joy of it?
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:What would you do today if you were brave?
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:Use these questions as a journal
prompt and for prayers this week.
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:End note, identify and
surrender your fears.
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:Feed the courage cycle.
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:It's the best way to
love and serve others.
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:Live wisely, Josh.
