In this episode, Tim discusses the importance of being a good friend. He encourages listeners to reflect on the type of friend they are and how they show up for others. Tim poses four questions for self-reflection: Can they tell you good things? Can they tell you bad things? Can they tell you about their dark places? Will you show up for them? He emphasizes the need to be the type of friend we want in our lives and to prioritize deep, meaningful friendships.

TAKEAWAYS

• Reflect on the type of friend you are and how you show up for others
• Be available and supportive when friends share good news
• Create a safe space for friends to share their struggles and dark places
• Be open to feedback and willing to adjust your behavior as a friend
• Show up for your friends in both good times and bad times
• Be the type of friend you want in your life

SOUND BITES

"What type of friend am I?"

"Can they tell you the good news?"

"Can they tell you bad things or not so good things?"

"Can they tell you about their dark places?"

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction

03:59 Reflecting on the Type of Friend You Are

07:01 Being Available for Good and Bad News

11:16 Creating a Safe Space for Struggles

12:43 Being Open to Feedback

15:00 Showing Up in Good Times and Bad Times

16:03 Being the Friend You Want in Your Life

16:31 Conclusion

Well, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Blank pages, the podcast. It's a podcast for people who appreciate the new beginnings of a clean slate, but strive for the courage, willingness, curiosity, and creativity available only on the blank pages of new possibilities. The potential to move forward, to move beyond where people are willing to make new decisions from a fresh perspective and are ready to write in a much better way. So the world is waiting, and nothing listens better than a blank piece of paper. So, hey, welcome to the show. This is episode 23, and I am in my new studio space that I moved to, which is a long story. Maybe one day I have to kind of go into a journey of the last maybe four or five years, which has been, man, it's been amazing. It's been an amazing journey.

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So my Instagram handle is very simple. It's in pecoron. You can also find that in the show notes. So today I'm just going to do this short talk about just. It's like, what type of friend am I? Like? Friends, right? Like, so there's a song that I love by a group, Israel and new breed. And, you know, and it's just talking about, you know, God and who he is and friends, you know, closer than a friend. You know, there could never be, you know, someone like. I mean, it's just amazing.

Just closer than a brother friend, you know, just friend. And I always think about even there's another song, I'm a friend of God. And. And then you think about friends of people that you're in relationships with. And I think about the people that are in my life that have come and gone, and I think about the people that are still in my life, like, 30 plus year friendships, which are amazing, you know? But in all of that, I just think about just. It's so easy to say, what kind of friend do I want, right? It's easy to say what kind of job I want, right? Like, what kind of place, where do I want to work? Like, it's like a job, you know, hey, where would I like to go? Work, right? Instead of what would employees look for? Or what would employers look for? What are they looking for? What do they want? What types of people with what skills? Like, what have you pursued? You know, pursued it that way? Like, what would you be able to do to improve? So, in anything relational, what if you looked at it from what am I bringing? What am I bringing into the picture? Right? Any kind of collaboration should be what am I bringing? What am I contributing? What am I offering? So I just. I just want to talk about just what type of friend. What type of friend am I? What type of friend? Ask yourself, what type of friend am I? It's like an inventory.

What type of friend am I? As I'm about to drink from this cup, if you can see it, just says, punch today in the face. My wife has been wanting to put it up, so in our space here, she's been wanting to put this up on the wall. Punch. Punch today or the day in the face. I tell her, man, that just seems so aggressive. But she's like, no, it's great. It's simple. And she's so kind and gentle, but it's so funny.

She's, like, punching in the face. Like, that's her way of just saying, rock it out. So I'm curious. How many of you say thumbs up? If you're listening to this, go to Instagram if you would participate and just send me a message that says, you know, in pecarora that, hey, I think it's cool. Paint it on the wall. Punch today in the face. So I will do it. Paint it on the wall.

If I get enough people to say it, I will do it. We'll put it on this one of these walls in here. So, anyways, continuing on with this whole friend thing, as I'm drinking from this cup, and if it's on video, that's why I'm kind of sidebarring on that. But I want to ask myself, what type of friend am I like? Instead of what kind of leader do I want? What type of leader am I? What type of friend am I? I'm talking about a friend. Like, when a friend when. When. When there's a friend whose spouse or their child is really, really sick, they know they can call you, like, the friend that knows when they need help moving, and it's like, last minute, they know they can call on you and call you. It's that friend that when they made a huge mistake, right? And they need someone to walk with them, walk with them through the situation without any judgment or even isolating them in it.

Right. Can they call you a friend that needs someone to fill in the blank? Can they call you like this is. Am I the type of friend. And here's I'm going to give four questions. Am I the type of friend that someone could call me and share good things and I will celebrate it. You know, it's so a lot of times we want other people to be available to us, be ready to give that, you know, ready to receive from us. Like, I got this great news, or a lot of times, any good thing that can happen. Sometimes we just want a piece or a morsel of something good to share and just to tell somebody.

And sometimes we're looking around and who to tell. Right. Sometimes they could feel like, I don't want to tell certain people. Because it would, like, disappear into the abyss or a black hole of negativity. Right. So can they call you with good things? Could they call you up? Am I the type of friend that someone can call me up with good things? Like, I got a promotion, I got a raise, I got a brand new gig. Hey, you know the thing that you wanted to do, too? Well, I did it. I played the best game of my life today.

I made say, you're a songwriter. I wrote the best song ever. Or, hey, maybe you want to have kids and you're not able to. And your friend calls you up and says, hey, we're having our first child. Can they share that? And you'll embrace it and celebrate it. So question one is, and this is an inventory of what type of friend am I? Can they tell you good things and you'll celebrate it? Here's a second question I want you to think about. Can they tell you bad things or not so good things? Just. They're bad? Like, can they come to you and say, I can't believe, you know, the thing that we've been talking about.

I can't believe I did that thing again. The thing that I said I would not do again. That you said that I shouldn't do again, the thing that we both agreed. All of that. Well, I did it again. Can they come and tell that? Can they come? Can they. Can they come and share with you when they're struggling with the fact that they finished a certain season or phase of their life, but they don't know what to do next because they think that maybe you have it together or that maybe. I mean, they're not sure.

I mean, can they come to you? Can they count on it? Do you know? Remember, this is not about what you think it is. This is about what you know that it is. Is this true? Is this a true statement that they can come to you with a bad thing and then you will be okay with it? Can they tell you the not so good news and that you're going to receive it, you're not going to turn it off? Because I want to know that not only can they come, I think it's important to be a friend, that they can come and tell you good things. And a lot of times we're not even emotionally available. We're so busy with our own things that people can't even come and share good news with us most of the time. Listen, you know what sucks? And I don't know, this could be a whole other thing. But most of the time, people are finding out a lot of really good news about other people, but it's only on social media. That's a whole nother topic, you know? So can they call you and tell you good things and are you available? Are you approachable? Can they come and say, hey, I have this good thing going on and that you would be available? Can they come and tell you a bad thing and you will be available? And the third one is, can they come and tell you about their dark places? Can they tell you about trauma? Can they tell you about their loss? Can they tell you about times that they were hurt? Can they tell you about what really happened in some subjective situations, in some objective situations? Can they tell you those things where maybe they left some things out and now they know that it's important that they talk about it? Can they do that? Can they share with you equally? So, similarly, in a dark place.

Are you ready? Can they call you out? Are you the type of friend that can be called out for when you're being too aggressive? Can they call you out when. When you think it's funny, but it's not to them? Can they call you out when. When there's certain things that you want to say that they're saying, look, don't say those things around me, please. Can you. Are you okay with it? Are you cool with that? Are you the type of friend that they can share? The dark thing? That's a dark situation. Okay. It can get dark really quick there because it could get into. What is that for? I mean, what do you mean? It's like, people that I know, like, I choose not to drink alcohol.

And that's a choice I can be around. Anyone else can drink it anytime they want. That's their thing. They could drink it when I would think it's not even the right time to drink. It doesn't matter. That's not on me, it's on them. Right. So, so.

But if I were, if I knew I had a problem with it and I, and I had a hard time and they're coming around me all the time with it, I need to be able to say, I need a type of friend that I can look at and go, hey, look, you can't bring that around me. It does this and I can't. Don't bring that into my world. It's not me going into their space, it's talking about them coming into mine. I need to be able to do. I need a type of friend that could do that equally. So I need to be the type of friend that even if it's something that I don't even agree with them, I don't even understand what the issue would be. But because of the friendship and the relationship that I'm going to be okay with them saying, hey, I don't like that.

Hey, what you think is funny, I don't. Hey, what you think is cool, I don't. Hey, what you think is enjoyable, I don't. And it doesn't mean that they're bad. It just means that in that situation, we're different. And I'm going to be the type of friend that allows that. Now, here's the fourth question. Am I the type of friend that will show up? So the first one was that, am I the type of friend that people can tell me good things? Second question is, am I the type of friends that people can tell me bad or not so good things? Third is, am I the type of friend that people can tell me about their dark places? And I'm not talking about, I gotta fix it for them.

Just dark places and even challenge me in things that can be a little dark and maybe not clear exactly as to where it comes from. And then here's the one. Will I show up? So at any level or at any event, would you show up? So it could be this. My kids first t ball game. Are you the type of friend that would find a way to figure it out? I'm not talking about dropping things that are critical, but would you interrupt watching the first half of a football game to go watch your friends kid play their first tee ball game? I mean, I know it sounds stupid, or how about a dance recital for a neighbor's kid that, you know, the family's been going through something. Would you do it? And they're your friends and you've been talking to them and building a relationship, would you do it? I mean, like, that's like a big thing. How about someone's second or third marriage and you thought they made bad decisions in the first two? Would you support them when they feel like they figured it out and they want to do it again? I mean, would you show up? Are you that type of friend? So the reason I bring it up is because, I mean, in life we're going to go, we're going to be doing good things. We're going to be doing bad things in life.

In life, we're going to experience good times and bad times. There's going to be all that in between stuff. And with that in between stuff, I think it's so important that we go ahead and decide as it relates to friendship, like what type of friends you're gonna be. I mean, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with thinking instead of, I need you to be this, I need them to be like this. What if it's like, this is the type of friend I'm gonna be? Why don't you be the thing that you want, like everyone talks about? I want peace in the world. Then find where there's not peace in yours and solve that. Right? Don't talk about peace everywhere else and you run in chaos. So you go first.

Make that decision. This is how I want to conclude. I just want you to think about it in the good times because they're going to come, what type of friend are you? In the bad times, because they're going to come, what type of friend are you? Just decide. Make the decision in all situations. What type of friend. Now remember, I'm talking about friendships, deep friendships, not just acquaintances and everybody. I'm talking about the lifelong friendship, the people that you want to do life with. How are you going to show up? And that's what we need to look for people like that in our lives.

But mostly we need to be those people if we want those people in our lives. So thank you so much for listening. I hope that you will put this to work in your life. I hope you will work on the type of friend that you're going to be. So thanks again for listening, and until next time, we'll talk soon.