What should families know about teens and technology, and how can we set healthy limits in a world that moves so fast? In this episode of HCPS Wellness Talk, mental health counselors Christine Spilman and Christina Norment talk about raising teens in a digital age we as parents didn’t grow up in, and why giving ourselves grace is an important first step.

Christine and Christina break down Virginia’s new social media law (SB 854), share current data about teen app use and mental health, and explain what experts mean about focusing on quality over quantity when it comes to screen time. You’ll also hear practical ideas for families, including setting tech-free zones, talking openly about online risks, modeling healthy habits, and remembering that boredom can spark creativity.

For more resources, check out the links below, visit the HCPS Wellness Talk webpage, and reach out to your child’s school for additional support.

Sources & Links:

Mayo Clinic: Boost Your Brain With Boredom

Jean Twenge: 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High Tech World

Operation Parent: Parent Handbook

Pew Research Center: Teens, Social Media & AI Chatbots

American Academy of Pediatrics Infographic

New law in Virginia about Social Media

Common Sense Media: Are some types of screen time better than others?

Netsmartz

How to talk to your teen about AI - NPR Lifekit Podcast

[00:00:38] Spilman: My name is Christine Spilman. I'm a mental health counselor at Rocktown High School. And Christina and I are both parents of teens ourselves, and we can understand how challenging it can be sometimes to parent adolescents. And this is not about being perfect. We are definitely far from that.

[00:01:09] Norment: The way that Christine and I see parenting is that it has to be in the context of a village, and so we're hoping that we can be a part of the village.

[00:01:31] Norment: Okay, so here's something that I've been thinking about a lot recently, Christine, and that is I am from Generation X, and I did not grow up with the internet. As a teen, I had my pager. Did you have a pager?

[00:01:51] Norment: Wow. That's awesome. Cellphone.

[00:01:55] Norment: So I just want to share all the empathy with all the parents out there like us who are raising teens in a very new environment. As far as technology goes, we were not given any preparation for this.

[00:02:11] Norment: So I think as we approach this topic, I would like to first and foremost say, let's give ourselves some grace, because we're just trying to catch up here on this technology thing with teenagers.

[00:02:27] So, a new law in Virginia passed as of January 1st, 2026, regarding social media and teenagers and children. And this new law, it is the official name of SB 854. And this new law in Virginia requires that social media companies must use what they consider a commercially reasonable method to determine if a user is under 16 years of age, and if so, to limit their use to one hour per day in that app.

[00:03:21] Norment: Yeah, I was really surprised when it came up. And actually, I was really delighted that this is something that our lawmakers are jumping on board with, 'cause it feels like it gives us some backup as parents. I think it sends a strong message to social media companies about the importance of limiting social media use for teens, and

[00:04:06] Spilman: Yeah, I think that's a good point. And I recently read a book, kind of going off of that, called 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High Tech World, and that's written by Jean Twenge. And what really stood out to me with that is. She had mentioned putting limits in place, but not just one limit, but multiple limits in place.

[00:04:52] And so this gives us a backup to that. The example that the author gave was how we put limits in place for alcohol use or alcohol purchasing. And it starts out with the law 21 and up to drink alcohol to buy alcohol. And so that's just one limit. And then there are other limits in place, like showing our ID before we purchase alcohol.

[00:05:31] Norment: Yeah, that's a really helpful metaphor that we put limits on alcohol use, and we can maybe learn from that. And how we put limits on technology use.

[00:05:53] So I looked it up. and. It's basically entering your date of birth instead of choosing from a list or clicking a checkbox, such as if you are over 18 would be the checkbox option. So this requires teens to put in their actual date of birth. I don't know what kind of difference that makes. But the idea with this is that it minimizes the risk for misrepresentation of age. It asks, please enter your date of birth.

[00:06:50] Spilman: Yeah, no, I, I agree with you in that, you know, doing it with your teens and making sure they're putting in their correct date of birth. And that could be one of the other limits that, as parents, we can say, depending on the age of the child, how you, how responsible you feel your child is, and just saying, you know, together, we're gonna put in your date of birth before you get on the

[00:07:35] Norment: All right, so that's the new law in Virginia. And let's switch now, Christine, to talk about some statistics that came out from the Pew Research Center about teens and technology use in 2025. I'm wondering what kind of apps are most popular with teenagers right now? As far as, as recently as 2025?

[00:08:19] and at the same time, 64% of teens are saying they use chat boxes.

[00:08:46] Norment: I was surprised by that, too. I would've guessed Snapchat would've been higherButut yeah. And maybe YouTube was a little less used, but it's used by almost all teens. Wow.

[00:09:01] Norment: I wanted to add that a recent Pew Research Center survey found that approximately one in five teens say that social media platforms hurt their mental health or grades.

[00:09:32] Spilman: Yeah, very self-aware.

[00:09:56] Spilman: Yeah, well, that's a good way for us to kind of move into looking at what the American Academy of Pediatrics has said. And so what they're saying is that there isn't enough evidence demonstrating a benefit from specific screen time limitation guidelines. So again, not just one thing put in place.

[00:10:48] So, Christina, what do you think that they mean when they talk about quality screen time?

[00:11:17] or, you know, for adults, some kids working from home can use screens and like creating genuine connections. There's a difference between hitting the like button and actually communicating with friends and family members using a cell phone or Google Meet. There are so many amazing, informative videos.

[00:12:01] Spilman: I like that one. Focusing on trust.

[00:12:12] Spilman: Right? Yeah. Yeah. I would agree with those, too.

[00:12:44] And these are mantras that I repeat to myself as I try to navigate this. I hope it's helpful to anyone listening as well. We are in charge. And you know, it's never too late, but the earlier the better. So even in middle school, elementary school, setting up boundaries around screen time and they're just used to it.

[00:13:25] You can go to your child's school to ask for one in English or Spanish, and they have really good information on teenagers and technology. But I wanted to read this quote from the Operation Parent Handbook. Parents have the right to control and monitor their child's technology use. It isn't snooping, it's parenting.

[00:14:04] One thing for parents to keep in mind is that we cannot solely rely on a device's built-in parental control apps to keep the kids safe. So, checking in from time to time, looking for red flags, can be a piece of the puzzle. But you need to know their passwords to be able to go in and check over.

[00:14:36] Spilman: Yeah, those are some good reminders, Christina. I know I always like to have those reminders myself when I'm looking through my child's phone. So yeah. Some other things that we can do as parents are create tech-free zones and times so where and when. Some ideas for when it would be appropriate or not appropriate for your teen to have their phone.

[00:15:19] helpful at night. Dinner tables, family gatherings. Again, focusing on connection with others. teaching respect and etiquette when your teen is on social media or any type of technology, how to respect themselves and others, and what appropriate etiquette is. Having one screen at a time. For example, no phones out when the family's watching a movie together.

[00:15:51] Norment: Me too.

[00:16:09] The light from the technology can impact our sleep. Okay. Talking to your teens about the rules and risks online, assuming that anything you put out there is permanent, whatever goes out there, is going to be out there forever, helps teach your teens that. That's definitely a strong likelihood and possibility.

[00:16:51] Talking to your teens about sextortion, phishing schemes, AI, misinformation, all of these things is very important for them to know about and to be educated on, talking about emerging evidence that links teens' social media with anxiety and depression, not only difficulty sleeping, but an increase in mental health challenges as well.

[00:17:41] Norment: Thank you, Christine. And I wanted to emphasize to families that on our website, where we host our podcast, you can find more information about things like that Christine mentioned, such as sextortion, phishing schemes, AI, and misinformation, if you want more information on that. So one thing I wanted to talk about is that also.

[00:18:25] Spilman: It's very hard. Yes, it is. I have to sometimes catch myself and be like, oh yeah, my daughter's watching no matter how old they are.

[00:18:58] Or others, when people are talking to you, show them that that's a proper way to communicate with people. Honor the same tech-free zones that you're expecting them to have, including, you know, putting your phone away at night to get a good night's sleep. And just engaging in in-person and outdoor activities with your family without the cell phone being present can really help show them that this is how life can be. You know, boredom. There is some value to boredom in our brains, and more and more research is coming out on that. I find it fascinating. But in general, boredom allows us to remember things and create new ideas. I tell my kids Boredom is the seed of creativity.

[00:20:07] Spilman: That's a great thing to remember too, is that our creativity is important.

[00:20:33] So thank you for listening to us today.

[00:20:46] and I wanted to leave you with this quote from her book. She asks a powerful question at the end of her book, what will your kids remember doing? And she says, what kind of childhood do you want them to look back on someday? They won't remember scrolling YouTube, but they will remember hitting a game-winning shot, building a fort, or laughing with friends until they couldn't breathe. Thank you all so much for listening today. Again, there's tons more information on our webpage, so we invite you to come check it out and reach out to your student support team in your child's school. We want to be your village.

[00:21:27] Norment: Thank you for listening to the Harrisonburg City Public Schools' Wellness Podcast. This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional advice. If you have concerns about your child, please reach out to your child's school directly.

[00:21:51] If you enjoy listening to this podcast, be sure to share.