There's more to summer than camps, trips, and schedules. While those things are all a part of summertime, the way you think and feel about summer matters just as much (if not more!).

Today, I'm going beyond structure and calendars and talking about creating good summer vibes, so you can actually enjoy all those things you're planning. Then, we'll also get into creating a good summer plan and dealing with common obstacles that come up.

You’ll Learn:

• Why summer planning starts with your thoughts
• A little trick to make your new thoughts feel more true
• Summer routines and limits to decide in advance
• The inevitable challenges of summer (it's not just you!)
• How to avoid summer burnout as a mom

The goal is that when you send your kids off to school in the fall, you can look back on this summer and think, "That was fun." Let’s make it happen!

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Whether you already have the entire summer planned out or you're winging it and hoping for the best, these tips will help you to feel comfortable and confident heading into the summer break.

I like to think of summer preparation in 3 different parts:

Your summer mindset

Your summer plan

Your summer confidence

When you put these 3 pieces together, you end up with a summer that feels good for you, with a healthy combination of routine and freedom.

Your Summer Mindset

When I talk about mindset, the basic idea is that your feelings come from thoughts that you have. So by choosing the thoughts you want to focus on, you can feel the way you want. The way you think about summer and lots of open-ended time with your kids determines how you feel.

If you go into the summer thinking, "This is going to be hard," or, "I don't like spending this much time with my kids," it is going to feel a lot harder.

Summer is a long haul. It means a LOT of time with your kids, especially if you don't have childcare. Your kid is going to misbehave and have big feelings and complain and be too hot and overtired. You are going to feel tired. There are going to be hard days.

Lots of parents get to the end feeling burned out, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, and resentful. But you can also get to the end of summer feeling joyful, present, and with some really great memories.

The first thing I want you to do is think about how you want to remember this summer. How do you want to feel about it? What thoughts do you want to have about it? How do you want to feel about yourself and your kids? What do you want the tone of your summer to be?

Some examples of things you might want to chase are:

• Joy
• Fun
• Gratitude
• Delight
• Connection
• Ease
• Challenge

Once you're clear on what feelings you want to chase, you can set an intention to guide you.

Let's say that you decide you're all about chasing fun this summer. Write down a few thoughts that you want to have about your summer, your kids, and yourself. These thoughts might feel like a bit of a stretch. It's a bit of a mix between making them believable and "fake it til you make it".

Here are a few more examples to get you started:

• I like playing with my kids.
• I love watching my kids learn new things.
• I love watching my kids smile and listening to them laugh.
• I want to remember this summer with _________ (insert your desired feeling).
• The more joy in my thoughts, the more joy in my actions.
• I get to choose how I think and feel.
• Summer goes by quickly, and I want to enjoy it.
• I am enjoying my time as a mom.
• Peace is better than perfection.
• Some days are hard, and that's okay.
• This is temporary. It's gonna be alright.

Another one of my favorite thoughts for summer is, "We don't have to". Parents often think they have to have extravagant, over the top events for their children in order for them to be happy or enjoy the summer. And that's just not true.

You can make good memories in the simplest of moments. Playing a game, lounging around, eating popsicles, going to the park, looking at the clouds. Just being present in those kinds of moments is enough. Memories are created in the feelings, not the things.

What your kid really wants from you is your presence. They want you to be with them, look them in the eye, and move at their pace.

Summer Plan

A common mistake parents make in the summer is letting things be too much of a free-for-all. I believe that kids do need a break from the demands and strict schedule of school, tutoring, sports, appointments, etc. And I want you to have a balanced structure to your day.

Having more flow and flexibility during the summer is helpful for kids' nervous systems because their nervous system is naturally slower than ours. But I also like to think of limits and routines as the metronome beat underneath your family. It's a consistent rhythm.

So how do you know when to let things flow and when to bring in some structure? The areas I'll talk you through today are screens, sweets, sleep, and chores.

Screen time. Ask yourself, "How do I want screens to go this summer?" Think about your screen routine during the school year. Will you keep it the same? Will you make changes?

I know you probably want me to tell you want to do here, but I'm not going to. It really depends on what you have going on, how busy your family is, how overwhelmed you are as a mom, etc.

I do think it is generally a good idea to avoid screens first thing in the morning. Give them a chance to get up, have breakfast, and get their bodies moving. You can set whatever limits you want here. For example, "You can watch TV for an hour as long as you have gotten dressed, had breakfast, and brushed your teeth."

If your kids are going to camp, I'd avoid screens altogether in the morning. It's not worth the meltdown when you're trying to get them to turn it off and get out the door.

Sweets. How much, how often, and when will your kids get sweet treats? Will you allow one sweet treat per day? Only when you are out? Only on weekends?

Sleep. With the sun going down later, it's fine to make bedtime 30-40 minutes later. But once you decide on the new bedtime, be as consistent as you can.

Of course there are nights when you're having a barbecue or you're watching 4th of July fireworks, and your kid ends up staying up late. It's not that big of a deal. The next day might be a little rough, but you can handle it.

What gets really hard for kids is when they're up late multiple nights in a row. Their bodies get used to a rhythm, and it's important to stick to that as much as you can.

Chores. The easiest way to get kids to do what you want them to do is to connect chores with another event. For example, "We'll leave for the beach once the trash cans are brought in," or, "We'll go to the pool today as long as everyone puts their laundry away by 11 a.m."

Here's the thing with limits. You can decide in the moment or change your rules every day if you want, but it will be confusing for your kids and you'll likely have more big feelings because they don't know what to expect.

If you do set limits and create a structure around these things, be prepared to follow through on them consistently.

As you figure out your summer limits and structure, think about your ideal day. When you know how you want things to go, it's easier to decide what you want those rhythms and limits to be.

Summer Confidence

Before we get into this one, I want you to know that a few things are inevitable during the summer:

• If you have more than one child, they are going to fight.
• Your kids will get bored. This is actually a good thing.
• You will feel burned out. Summer is a heavy lift for moms.
• People will have grumpy moods. Your kid will get grumpy, and you will get grumpy. It's okay to pivot if people aren't up for whatever you have planned. Trust your intuition.

Repeat after me. "I am not my child's camp counselor." It is not your job to make your kids happy or to make them have fun. Boredom is uncomfortable for them, but it's their job to figure it out. Play is their work.

In order to avoid burnout as much as possible (and get through it when it hits), you'll need to be proactive about managing your energy. Move your body daily. Connect with other adults. Do something that delights you. Allow your thoughts and feelings, and work on your mindset. Rest when you're tired. Even with screen time limits, you have permission at any time to put on a movie for your kids and take a break.

Wishing you a calm (and FUN!) summer, Mama!

Additional Resources

• Check out our curated Calm Summer Mama podcast playlist on Spotify
• Get the Stress-Free Summer Toolkit
• Episode 182: Digital Detox Made Easy with Molly DeFrank
• Episode 130: How To Do a Digital Detox
• Episode 77: Summer Sibling Squabbles
• Episode 128: Encouraging Boredom
• Episode 125: Shift Any Mood

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✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Toolkit here

Connect With Darlynn:

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Welcome back to Become a Calm Mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlin Childress.

I'm a life and parenting coach. And on today's episode,

I want to talk about having a good summer with your kids,

like, how to create a good summer vibe with

your family. And I've noticed that with parents,

particularly moms, we kind of spend a lot of time thinking

about, like, our plan, our schedules, coordinating all

those, you know, different details because there's so many camps and the kids and

they've got to go here and go there and your vacation and all of those

details which are really, really important for

planning a family summer. And at the same

time, we sometimes forget that there are

other things that help make a good summer,

particularly how we think and feel about

summer, about spending time with our kids, about being with our

families. Those are also, like, that mindset

piece that's also really important. So I wanted to spend time talking

about both the mindset piece of having a great

summer as well as the planning piece and

how to create a structure or routine in the summer that

really lends itself to having a good balance

of fun and flexibility and all of those things, things that we like.

In the summer. It's nice to not have to always be at school on time

and always be running around different activities and sports and things. It's

nice to have a flow in the summer, but at the same time,

it can be really overwhelming when we get

too far away from that structure. So this episode

goes way beyond planning a good calendar. This is a lot

more about the mindset that you want to end, enter into the

summer with, and then some general ideas about how you want to

structure the routines and your days with your kids.

And then at the end, I'm going to talk about the obstacles that will come

up so that you feel more confident in having

a good, like a. Like leadership, like a good

energy around when things go south or go sour with

your family in the summer, which they will happen. I want you to feel really

comfortable and confident. So that's what we're talking about today.

Summer mindset, summer plan, and summer confidence.

Now, I wanted to get this episode out to you because I know that this

is the time of year when moms are putting on those

finishing touches, right? And some moms

have got it all figured out. Every day of the summer is planned.

They've structured it. They got onto the camp signups in February,

and. And they're, like, on it, right? And then some of us are, like,

winging it. We're not on it. We're winging on it

and hoping that things work out.

What I know is that things always work out and that things

are gonna be okay. You're gonna have a great summer. No matter where

you are in the process, if you're a super hyper planner and you've

got all the details, that's great. We're going to talk about mindset,

and for those of you who are still kind of piecing it together and you

like to have a flow, that's great. That's wonderful. We're gonna talk about

mindset as well as kind of creating a foundational

structure. What I want for you is that when you

go back to school, when your kids go back to school in August, I want

you to be able to look back at this summer and be thinking, that was

fun. I enjoyed that. That was a good summer.

I liked that. I don't want you to get to the finish line of

the end of the summer. Burned out, overwhelmed, frustrated,

angry, resentful. You may have some of those feelings

because the summer is a long haul, especially

if you don't have great childcare.

If you are the primary child provider, you know, for

your kids, that's a lot of time with your kids. And

so I want to normalize that. You are going to feel tired. It's a heavy

lift this summer, and it does take a toll on

us. But you can also get to the end

of the summer feeling really joyful and

present and having had a good time and having had those good

memories. So let's talk a little bit about what

it takes to create that vibe

at the end of the summer. As a life coach, I like to help

you work with your mindset, work with your ability

to manage your thoughts and feelings and the way that you move

through the world. It's a lot about mindset, and that's what life coaches

are really good at doing. Now I'm a life and parenting coach.

So in this episode, I'm really doing the life coaching part, which is

mindset and intentionality, and then the

parenting piece about creating limits and boundaries. Right?

So this, what I want you to do right now is a little bit of

mindset work. And I want you to start to think about how you

want to remember this summer by,

when you think back to this summer,

what do you want to feel about it? What do you want your

thoughts to be? And I know it's kind of funny to be thinking, like,

I can't think in advance what I want to be thinking.

Yes, you can. You can pre Decide how you want to reflect

on an event you can think in the future. How do I want

my summer to go? How do I want to remember it? And you

get to create an intention. So I want you to think about how

at the end of the summer, how do you want to remember feeling about yourself

and your kids? Do you want to be feeling that it was fun and that

you had a lot of joy, that you created a lot of good memories, a

lot of positivity, that you had a lot of

connection time, that there was a lot of ease and

peace? If those are the feelings that you want to

chase, we have to create an intention that this summer

you are all about chasing fun.

This summer you're all about chasing joy.

This summer you're all about chasing delight.

That's how mindset works. I think of it like chasing a feeling.

That's how I do it in all of my life, actually. I think about how

do I want to remember this experience or what do I want to have the

feelings that I want to have during the experience, what are those

feelings? If I want to have connection, if I want to have gratitude,

if I want to feel joyful, if I want to feel delight, if I want

to feel peace, if I want to feel ease, if I want to feel challenged,

sometimes I want to feel challenged. Not this summer, though, right? So thinking

about what feeling are you chasing?

What do you want Your memories of the summer

to the tone of them. Like, do you want it to be

a feeling of joy? That's the thing that comes up for me the most

when I think about spending time with my kids and spending time with my family.

I want to look back at the time and remember

feeling joyful. But you can also, I think

of it, fun is really important to me. One time

somebody responded to one of my posts and they

said, do you think fun is a feeling? Like, they challenged me a little bit.

And I was like, do I? And I realized, yeah, I

do. I think of that feeling of delight, that little buzz of

joy and laughter and all of that as fun. And I

love feeling fun. I love having fun. And the

feelings that come with fun are delight and Jo and

ease. And so if you want to feel

like your summer was fun and you want to have that fun feeling,

some of those feelings that you're chasing are delight and

joy and peace and ease. I think that's what makes up

something that's fun. So you get to think about what

you want to be chasing. Now, how mindset

works is that whatever our feelings feeling

is it comes because of the

thoughts we have. So if you want to feel

joyful, if you want to feel

delight, if you want to feel peace,

the thoughts that you have are important because

the thoughts help you feel the feelings that you want.

That's the basic theory around mindset work,

is that your thoughts create your feelings. So we have

this thing called summer or spending a lot of time with our kids. That's just

a fact, right? It's summer. But how we think about summer

time, how we think about time with our kids, how we think

about open ended time gives us that feeling. So if

you look at summer and you feel dread, probably some of the

thoughts you have is, this isn't going to be fun. This is going to be

hard. I don't like spending this much time with my kids. My kids are really

hard. I don't, you know, I don't know what we're going to do. My kids

don't know how to entertain themselves. You may have a lot of negative

thoughts going into the summer and then that's why you might

be feeling those negative feelings. So you

get to kind of shift around and try out new thoughts.

Now if you have hard kids like I had hard kids,

then that might be true, right? Like

my circumstance or my fact was ADHD boy in

the summer. Okay, so that means that there's

going to be a lot of dysregulation and impulse control

and all these realities. So I decided to

look at my son and think positive thoughts about him.

His energy makes the summer fun.

His joy when he's engaged in something

makes me feel joyful and also thoughts about

myself. It's possible for me to be calm

even if my child is dysregulated. It's possible for

me to have a great day even if there are

meltdowns. I am chasing for

myself a feeling of peace and joy and ease. So

I have to have thoughts that help me feel peace and joy and

ease. So I want you to think about the feeling

you want to chase and I want you to think about some thoughts that you

want to have. I'm going to give you a few thoughts just to help you

with the mindset work. You don't have to use mine. I love

if you can come up with your own because the more genuine

those thoughts are, the more real they feel to you, the easier it

will be for you to identify with those thoughts, to believe them

as true, and to get the actual feeling. Well, one thing I want to

say about thought work is that sometimes we have to fake it. Till we make

it a little bit. So the thoughts need to be believable.

Not so far fetched that they aren't believable. But

sometimes they need to like push our belief.

So thinking about my son's ADHD

energy makes things fun, right? Or it makes

it interesting. Okay, that feels a little more true.

So thinking about that, I need to think Sometimes I have to add

like a thought. Like sometimes my son's energy

makes things fun. Sometimes I

like playing with my kids. Sometimes I like being

in the water with them when they're jumping in and learning to swim.

But a thought that I do actually genuinely have is I love watching my kids

learn new things or I love watching my

kids smile. I love listening to my children laugh. It's still one

of my favorite things to hear in the world is their laughter.

So I'm chasing that, I'm thinking. I love when I hear my kids

laugh. That makes me feel joyful. My kids laugh a lot in the summer

and that makes me happy. So thinking about these thoughts. So I'm

going to give you a couple. One thought that I think is

really helpful is the thought I want to remember this

summer with blank feeling. So I want to

remember this summer with joy. I want to remember this summer

as being peaceful. I want to remember this summer as being

delightful. I want to remember this summer with

the as being fun. So you

are thinking thoughts that help you feel the feelings that you

want. So I want to remember this summer with blank or I want to

remember this summer as you get to fill in the blank.

I love this generic thought. The more joy in

my thoughts, the more joy in my action.

So if I have thoughts that make me feel joyful, I have

feelings of joy and then I act joyfully. Even if my

children are having a hard time. I want to bring energy

that's positive and joyful and connected with them.

I want to bring energy that gives them that feeling of

peace. But I have to bring it within myself. I can't wait for my kids

circumstance my kids behavior to make me feel the feeling I want.

That's a mistake a lot of parents make is they're like if they would just

behave then I could be happy. It's not actually that way.

I am happy even when they are misbehaving and the happier

I which is so crazy. But you get to hold whatever feeling

you want inside of you. So if I'm feeling happy, my

kids behave better. That's actually true.

So thinking about that, another thought, generic thought. I

get to choose how I Think and feel. And

I get to choose how to think and feel

in all my life. Like in the summer, in this summer, I get to choose

how I feel. And I want to feel

calm. This podcast is called Become a Calm

Mama. It's all about finding that emotional regulation within us

that has to do with our own feelings of

regulation, nervous system calmness, being

calm within our nervous system. So you're learning how to

do that in real time every day with your kids, no matter how they're

acting, you feel the calm, that deep equanimity, that

deep feeling of peace inside of you. You get to have that.

It's already in there. It's our thoughts that make us feel

overwhelmed. Another thought I like

to hold, and this is about time, is that summer

goes by quickly. I want to remember this summer.

I want to be more present. I want to laugh more.

I want to enjoy my time as a mom.

So if you want to enjoy your time as a mom, tell

yourself, I am enjoying my time as a mom.

I am present. I

can laugh at these kids shenanigans.

So being able to think, I. Summer goes

by quickly. And I want to enjoy it. I

will enjoy it. I will be present. Those are some

thoughts that you can have. One of my favorite thoughts that I use all the

time is that peace is better than perfection. I've

often said that peace is better than perfection. I love

that because it really helps me lower my standards just enough

to feel a little bit of ease. Of course your kids are going to misbehave.

Of course they're going to have big feeling cycles. Of course they're going to complain

or be overwhelmed and have bug bites and be too hot and

be overtired. There's going to be hard days when you

are parenting kids, but you get to say that

the peace that you were craving is

more important. It's better than trying to be perfect, than

trying to have perfect children. Another thing I love

is just to think about. Some days are hard, that's

okay. Some moments are tricky, and

that's okay. Or sometimes the summer gets long,

but I also know it's going to go by quick, and that's okay.

Just giving ourselves that permission to feel the feelings, to be

honest with ourselves. This is a hard moment, but it's temporary. This is a

challenging day, but I get to reset tomorrow.

So giving yourself that coaching advice, that, you know,

warm hug, you get to be that for yourself. You get to be the person

who tells yourself it's gonna be all right, girl,

you're good. You can handle this. It's just a short blip. It's

temporary. You can manage this day. So giving yourself

permission. Some days are harder than others and that's okay. I can handle it.

Now a couple other thoughts. Like I said, like, summer goes by quickly.

Just keep reminding yourself summer goes by quickly and I want to be present.

Another thought that I think is really useful is that we don't have to. We

can do simple things to make good memories. A lot

of times parents will think they have to have extravagant over the

top events for their children in order for their children to be happy or

for their children to enjoy the summer. And that's just not true.

You can have the most simple moment of

playing a game of cards, playing uno, playing like four hours of

Monopoly. That's what the summer is for. Lounging around, hitting, having

a popsicle, having it drip all over your child's chest

and just being present in that moment.

And that is enough. Being present with

your kids and allowing for the joy to come through.

It's not in the great big Disney World trips.

It's these small moments within the Disney World trip that you

feel the feeling that you want as a family. So you can

get that in the most simple ways. Going to the park, playing on the

swings, going for a walk, slowly looking at the clouds. My

mom was such a sweet mom in that way. She would like lay down a

blanket and we would just stare at the clouds and find

animals in the clouds. And we would walk a lot because she

never drove a car. So we had to walk all the time, which was terrible

for me as a child because I did not like it. But at the

same time, we had a lot of time to just sit. Sit and be playful

and be silly. Not sit, but like walk and hold hands and talk.

And that feeling of presence is what your children are chasing.

They want you. They don't care about all the fancy

stuff. The more fancy stuff you do, the more

dissatisfied in some ways that they are because they're thinking,

oh, this will give me the feeling you've modeled that. You're like, oh, this is

going to be so fun. And then at the same time, it's not that fun.

And it's fun ish. But it doesn't create the memory because the

memories are all created in the feelings that you have while you're doing

the thing. So remembering that being simple, having simple

things to do really is what kids like. They want to be with you, they

want to play with you. They want you to look at them in the Eye

they want you to be at their pace. And if you can

bring that in in the summer, that will be really, really helpful.

So sometimes simple is best. Simple makes things easier for you.

You don't have to do something really special to make great memories.

That being present is more important than

presence. Right? Being present is more important than big

events. That's what your children want. They want you to be with them.

You may feel burned out over the summer. You might have some bad days.

Like I said, today is hard. That's okay, you can

make it. When you start to feel burned out in

the summer, which will happen, I want you to feel like you have permission to

take care of yourself. And I'll talk about that in a little bit.

So knowing that, you know, you get permission to pause, you get permission

to take a calm break, you get permission to take care of yourself, that

you're going to need that over the summer. Okay, so let's talk a little bit

about summer plan is, I think this is something that happens

to families a lot is that they make the summer, you know,

too much free for all too, you know, I want you to have

like a balanced structure within your day. I do

think it's important for kids to have a little bit of break

from, you know, like the intensity of like tutoring

and sports and gymnastics and going to dance and you

know, going to, you know, different therapy

appointments or whatever you have going on. That can be really

stressful for a kid to have so much in their day. They already go to

school, they have to get up, they have to get dressed, they go to school,

then they have after school activities and then they have to get ready for bed.

I want the summer to have more flow and more flexibility

because it's helpful for the nervous system to have those longer days

and go more with the childlike. Like their way their

nervous system is built is slower. But at the same time,

I kind of think of limits and, and routines in

the summer as being the metronome or the beat underneath your

family. So at the top of the, at the

top you have all the energy and the fun and the woohoo, joy and

yay and all that. And then at the beat of the family is a little

bit more of that rhythm, that routine that you know,

that drum that beats consistently. And so what are the areas

where you want to be as consistent as possible is

around screen time. So I want you to think now,

how do you want screens to go this summer? Really make a plan,

mamas, because if you've done the Summer, the

school year, where they don't do screens on school days, which is

great. And then you have two hours a day on the weekends or something like

that. That's kind of the, you know, best case scenario for a family.

If you are in that space, you have to think right now,

are you going to do two hours a day, every day, like a weekend,

or are you going to stay to no

screens during the day and only in the evenings

or what? Like, you probably want me

to tell you the best practice for screens. And really, I

don't know how overwhelmed you are as a mom. I don't know how busy you

are. I don't know what your kids have going on. I do think

that having nothing in the morning before they

get ready have their creative outlet, get their bodies

moving. That's really good. So I would stick to no screens or

iPads or TV in the morning until maybe they get

up and get dressed. Now, if you're home with them and you want to exercise

and you want to do your routines that really help

you, I would still suggest that they get up, they get

dressed, they get their breakfast, they do their like kind of

same vibe as school. And then if you want to have them watch TV for

an hour while you do your morning stuff, that's fine. Just build that into the

routine. Let them know that they can have the screen as long as they're

dressed, they've eaten some breakfast, they've been outside, they've cleaned up their

room, whatever the things are. And then they. You do

all that, you turn it on and then you go do your exercise or your

work or whatever you have to do. If you're taking your kids to

camp, I would recommend not having screens in the morning because it's just

so hard to get them off of it. It's not worth the meltdown. So being

able to keep that same rhythm. Now I know for me, when I

had my kids at home, they didn't do camps every day. They did

camps some days and some days they didn't. Some weeks they did, some weeks they

didn't. So I would have like a

TV or movie afternoon, but. But I would decide in the

morning if I was gonna do that. So in general, my kids

assumed they would not get screens Monday through Friday

during the school, during the summer, during the regular

days of the week. Okay, not weekends, weekends. I kept to the

same kind of schedule. Cause that was like work for my partner and I. So

I want you just to think, what is your plan Now? I also wanna give

you permission to change your plan every day. Like, you can have

a structure that's in place. And you can also say,

normally I say that you guys can watch a

television program while I do my exercises. But I'm not doing

my exercise today. So we're not doing that now. You might have big feelings.

You said you promised. You get to say, I know,

but I didn't promise. But yes, you can be disappointed. It's

okay to be frustrated. It's okay to think you're gonna have something and not have

have it and get upset. That makes perfect sense.

So let them have their emotion if you change the plan.

So screens is really important to know what your plans are. Sweets,

decide now, you know, are you going to have one sweet treat

today? Are you going to have a sweet treat only when you guys are out,

not at the house or whatever it is? Now, some families don't have a lot

of problems with sweets. But if you have a kid like I did,

particularly a kid with adhd, they really crave that sugar. They

really want that dopamine kick from the sugar. That's like,

sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar. Tv, TV play date, play date. And that was my son's.

That was my song I made up about him. Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar. Tv, TV

play date. So he would crave sweets. And so I had

to create a system where I would say, we're only going to have one sweet

a day. Once we have it, it's over. Or some weeks, if I felt like

it was really out of bounds, I'd say, you know what? We're not having any

today. We're going to save all of our sweets for the weekend. Or we

know we're going to the beach with so and so so or the lake or

the pool or whatever we're doing. So I'm going to save treats for that day.

I want you to feel like you get to set boundaries and that you can

be inconsistent. But if you say yes or if you say no,

that's when you need to be consistent. So you can change your rules every day

if you want. It will be confusing for your kids. But if you do want

to flow that way, be sure to. To hold them

to the count, hold them to the boundary that you've set.

Whatever limit you set, you know, pay attention to that and

follow through. The other things that come up are sleep. Are you

gonna keep to the same schedule I recommend you do? Even,

you know, even if you shift it a little bit. Cause the sun goes out

down so late. If you shift it 30 minutes or 40 minutes,

that's fine. But then just be consistent with that new time.

It is really hard for kids. If you have them stay up till

10, 1030 multiple nights, you are

going to have a lot of meltdowns the next day or the day after.

That's fine. You can handle meltdowns. It's not a big deal. I don't want you

to be too strict about it. If you're having a barbecue or you're at

a party or it's 4th of July and you want to keep your kids up

a little bit, that's fine. It's not that big of a deal. You, you might

have a little rough day, early bed the next night, and then get back to

the routine. So have that flow, have

that flexibility. But at the same time, try to keep the

same rhythm so that your kids feel like they know

what to expect and their bodies really get used

to a certain rhythm. And it's important to keep that. Otherwise they get overtired and

then they won't fall asleep at all, which is super annoying.

The other things that come up is like chores. So I like to always connect

the chores that you want them to do to an event like before

camp or before dinner or before bed.

So when you're in a transition between an event

that you put in their tasks in that time, that's the

easiest way to get kids to do the things that you want them

to do. We'll leave for the beach, we once these trash cans

are brought back inside, or we'll leave for the beach once all the

socks and shoes are put away. We will go to the pool today. As long

as everybody puts their laundry away by 11am

so you get to set those limits as you want

and be able to tell your kids, you know, hey, this is the

boundary we have to clean up in order to go do this fun thing. Or

I'll read to you tonight. As long as all your Legos are cleaned up from

the floor, whatever the thing is that you want to get them to do,

connect it to something else and it will be easier for you.

So in general, I am suggesting that you try to stick to a rhythm.

So think about your days. I like to think about an ideal

day. Like, my kids get up, they get. I

was just straight, put swimsuits on. My kids, like, they would just get up and

put swimsuits on. I had boys, so it was a little bit easier because I

didn't have to worry about the wetness. But thinking like, okay, get up,

get your swimsuit on. We Would put sunblock on, have breakfast.

Like I just get the day ready like I would on a school

day. And then if we were going to camp or going to the pool or

going to the beach or going to a friend's house or just staying home, I

knew they were kind of ready and they could be in and out and that

kind of thing. So I just kept to the same rhythm. I kept to the

same screen rhythm. When my boys got a

little older, I did add more screens. And I've done

episode on doing a digital detox over the summer, which

I had to do because we got way out of bounds

with too much screen time. I gave

my youngest the ability to play video games at 10

years old and it was too young for him. I

waited till the older was 12 and 12 was about right for that one

and. And I split the difference and 10 was too young. So we had to

do a big digital detox where we didn't do any screens at all

for three weeks in the summer. I highly recommend it because

there's fun stuff to do in the summer and it's great time to

do it. But anyway, don't feel like you have to. But I'm just saying

having the routine is really important

and keeping to some structure will help you feel more

confident and. And have them understand what's expected.

Now, let's talk about confidence for the last couple minutes here.

First off, I want to tell you a few things that are inevitable

that are going to happen in the summer so that you

don't think that you're the only one, that you are a bad parent,

that something has gone wrong. First, if you have more

than one child, they are going to fight. Sibling

conflict in the summer is totally normal. Your children are not

sociopaths. There's nothing wrong with them. It's just a lot of time together, a lot

of discomfort, and they don't know what to do with all that dysregulation.

They lose structure, they lose a little bit of socialization, and

they end up taking all those feelings out on their sibling. So

just know sibling conflict is normal. Listen to a couple episodes

where I teach about siblings. If you have that come up. Second thing,

boredom. Boredom is good and it is inevitable. We actually

want our kids to be bored. I have an episode that will

link to this about summer boredom, how to handle it. But in

general, I want you to avoid the

common parenting pitfall of giving your

kids a bunch of ideas. Right when they say

they're bored, don't do that because they will reject

all of your ideas. So what I want you to do, when they say that

they're bored, say, yeah, that makes sense. Sometimes

life is boring. Sometimes summer is boring. That's okay.

I'm sure you're gonna figure it out. Then let them get through the feeling, that

discomfort until they almost become desperate. Then you can say, I

have some ideas, but only if you're open to them.

Let me know if you want me to give you some ideas. So I don't

want you to think of yourself as the camp counselor. I don't want you to

think of yourself as being your job to make your kids happy, to make your

kids have fun. You're not. It's their job. That's their work. Play is their

work. Next week, we have an episode with

a play parent, a play expert, and she's

going to talk about how to bring more play in our families and in our

parenting. But I want you to know your child, their job is

to figure out how to play. That is their work. So let

them do it, and you can give some ideas.

Two other things that are inevitable are burnout. As a mom,

it's just inevitable. It's a lot of time with your kids. It's a lot of

this. There's heat, there's vacations, there's

being on planes or car trips or camping. I mean, there's so much

like heavy lifting from you. And

I want you to know that burnout is sort of inevitable. And so you need

to be proactive by moving your body

every day, connecting with adults, doing something

that delights you, allowing your thoughts and

feelings, you know, doing your intentional thinking and sleeping

and resting if you're tired. I've said all this about screens, but I

do want you to know you have permission at any point in the summer,

Put a movie on, it's fine. Go sit

down on the couch with them, have the movie on,

cut up some fruit or whatever or crackers and cheese or something,

Put it on the table and just relax.

I want you to feel like you have permission to take care of yourself.

So sleeping or resting, doing your thoughtwork, doing something that delights you,

spending time with other adults, reaching out to family members or sisters or

friends or whoever. Moms that you feel like can kind of listen to you

vent a little bit. And then moving your body is really, really important. The

last thing that's inevitable, mamas, is grumpy moods. Your

kids are going to have times when they don't like the event

you've planned. They don't want to go to the beach, they don't want to go

to the pool. This is dumb. This is boring. They're going

to have times when they are

not into it, and you get to be

flexible. You don't have to push an agenda forward just

because you've made a plan with a friend or because you've made a plan.

You can pivot if you really feel like everyone is

not up for it. Just because you have it on the calendar doesn't mean

you have to do it so you can pivot. You can realize, like,

this isn't going to go well. This isn't going to work for my family today.

I need to reset and, you know, figure out

a new plan or you can push through. I also

want you to know it's okay if your kid is grumpy. It's okay to take

a kid to the pool who doesn't want to go to the pool

and let them be whiny and cry. And, you know, you're just being

compassionate. I hear you. I know. That's okay. I know you're upset.

You can handle it. We're still gonna go. I bet you

could figure out a good way to make this work for you. Yeah. Let me

know. Let me know if you need an extra hug or, you

know, do you need a Popsicle. Like, you can just kind of move the

moment forward by being compassionate but also holding

them to the plan. So I kind of want you to feel like, trust

your intuition, and sometimes it's okay to pivot,

decide that's not gonna work out. And then other times, you get

to push your kids through it and let them build

a little bit of emotional resilience. That's how emotional resilience

happens, is when they have their big feelings and

they process those emotions and they get to the other side. That's

how they get stronger. That's their emotional resilience muscle.

Okay. I really hope you enjoyed this episode. I went a little bit

long, but I know that I wanted to do it all at one time so

that you could get one episode about summer. Get your

mindset ready, get your screen plan or whatever, you know, your

sweets plan, your sleep plan ready, and then know that those obstacles are going

to come and you are feeling equipped and ready for those

instead of feeling overwhelmed when they happen. Okay. I

hope you have a really lovely summer. Please listen next

week because we're going to talk about play and

talk about how to bring more playfulness in your family. So you're going to

love that episode. And I also plan to do a little bit

of self care in the summer series. So be on

the lookout for that. That'll happen in July. All right, mamas. I

hope you have a great week, and I will talk to you next time.