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Why get sober with Michelle Smith
Episode 49 • 22nd October 2021 • Connected Calm Life • Lane Kennedy
00:00:00 00:34:45

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Transcripts

Speaker:

Okay, this is going to be a really good conversation.

Speaker:

I think we're going to go deep a little bit.

Speaker:

I think there's some similarities and I know you have a lot to share, right?

Speaker:

Oh yeah.

Speaker:

Always.

Speaker:

Okay.

lane:

Welcome back, mama.

lane:

So glad that you're with us and enjoying the show today.

lane:

I am here with a.

lane:

Beautiful woman coming in from Washington.

lane:

She is the.

lane:

Founder of, yeah.

lane:

Recovery is the new black.

lane:

She is a mother of two, a boy and a girl.

lane:

She is five years clean and sober.

lane:

So she's got some, a good amount of time and experience.

lane:

She works in the field of addiction.

lane:

Yes.

lane:

It's just hang on tight for this conversation.

lane:

I think we're going to go deep, Michelle.

lane:

Welcome to the.

lane:

Thank you so much for having me.

lane:

I found you about maybe three years ago, three years ago.

lane:

Yeah.

lane:

And I I've just watched you kind of blossom and build yourself

lane:

through your experience.

lane:

You're, I think you're one of the, the sober Instagrammers, but it's

lane:

really been incredible for me to watch.

lane:

This section of sobriety come alive.

lane:

And you're one of the first people that I saw exploring this online element.

lane:

How has that been for you?

lane:

Maybe it tells me about it.

lane:

It took my sobriety to the next level.

Michelle:

You know, I really kept it under wraps and quiet for the first solid year

Michelle:

just to get my footing and to confirm to myself and to the people in my life.

Michelle:

But this was for the longest.

Michelle:

And I was so fearful of failing.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

And, and really had to shift my mindset into that.

Michelle:

There's nothing, there's no failure here.

Michelle:

You know, there is failing forward.

Michelle:

There is picking up lessons, but I only fail if I quit or if I just don't try.

Michelle:

And so after the first year I was like, okay, so this is becoming a thing for me.

Michelle:

And this is a lifelong journey.

Michelle:

And I know I can't be the only one struggling.

Michelle:

So by the time I like started putting out little bits and pieces.

Michelle:

The message has started rolling in and the comments and the me too

Michelle:

was, and the w where did you start?

Michelle:

And how do I do this?

Michelle:

And you're an inspiration and it just kind of snowballed from there, but, you

Michelle:

know, I really want it to be that voice for women who hadn't found theirs yet,

Michelle:

or weren't ready to use theirs yet to let them know that they are so far from.

Michelle:

That's one of the things I love so much about this online sobriety is that we are

Michelle:

able to reach so many more ladies, so many more mothers, so many more people who are

Michelle:

struggling quietly in their houses alone.

Michelle:

When let's go back, let's go back for a minute.

Michelle:

Cause I want to hear this.

Michelle:

What kind of drinker are you or what kind of, what's your drug of choice or

Michelle:

what are you, you know, it's, it's funny that you say that because towards the

Michelle:

end, I would have said, what do you got?

Michelle:

You know,

Michelle:

what do you have?

Michelle:

You know, I'll take whatever.

Michelle:

But before it would have been top shelf, top shelf, You know, really

Michelle:

good wine, really good, you know, top shelf alcohol, the whole Cosmo sex in

Michelle:

the city, kind of glitz and glamor, like to say of socialized drinking.

Michelle:

That's where I started.

Michelle:

And that was my hope to remain in that place, which ended up being

Michelle:

grocery stores, gas station stops, chugging hiding all the things.

lane:

Your kids are nine and 12.

lane:

So your kids saw you drinking and using, they did it,

Michelle:

especially my older one, my younger one only remembers a few things.

Michelle:

Clearly the bad things.

Michelle:

So yes, they did get to experience some of that.

lane:

Were they a part of you or that decision making process of putting down.

Michelle:

Absolutely.

Michelle:

Absolutely.

Michelle:

It was one of those things that it was always coming back to them and

Michelle:

it's like, I love them the most.

Michelle:

And you think that I'd want to put it down for them.

Michelle:

And I still loved my alcohol and drugs, you know, and clearly it

Michelle:

was like, I loved, I loved it more.

Michelle:

And that would tear it, my heart strings, because I'm like, I waited

Michelle:

so long for this day, these human beings, I brought into this earth

Michelle:

and I love them unconditionally.

Michelle:

And there's this other thing that I love just as much or a little

Michelle:

bit more and it broke my heart.

Michelle:

And so it kept bringing me back to my.

Michelle:

Why I'm doing this and my sobriety journey.

Michelle:

And, you know, at the end of the day, I, it couldn't keep me sober,

Michelle:

but it was my motivation to show up.

Michelle:

And I think the thing that really stuck out for me is that I lost my parents.

Michelle:

And so I know what it's like to not have a model.

Michelle:

Or dad, and I was doing that same thing to my children and I, I felt the pain.

Michelle:

I knew what that was like.

Michelle:

And so every time that I would find myself relaxing, I would bring myself

Michelle:

back and find the strength within my own story to know that I can change

Michelle:

the outcome and the trajectory of what their childhood looks like.

lane:

Yeah.

lane:

I think about that all the time.

lane:

Like stopping addiction.

lane:

And the family dynamic and the change that it makes, and it not only changes,

lane:

you know, my son or your son and your daughter, but then it also affects

lane:

the people that they touch their relationships in school with their

lane:

teachers, how they interact in the world.

lane:

And it's so it's so powerful to think about when we stopped

lane:

drinking the domino effect.

lane:

Yes, you don't realize it.

lane:

I think, you know, this is not a spectator sport.

lane:

Everyone involved has to play whether or not they're educated.

lane:

They want to, where they liked.

lane:

Yeah.

lane:

It's, it's, it's amazing to me.

lane:

It's amazing that you had that.

lane:

Like, I love them, but I'm still drinking, right.

lane:

That, that fight.

lane:

And then you just, that you just put it down.

lane:

Did you have an intervention?

lane:

What was your come to Jesus moment?

Michelle:

You know, there are so many, so many.

Michelle:

And, you know, it's conversations with my husband.

Michelle:

It was not 1, 2, 3, but for hospital stays for fatal alcohol poisoning.

Michelle:

You know, you think that that would be the moment I'd surrender went to inpatient

Michelle:

treatment that was supposed to work.

Michelle:

If that doesn't work, what happens then I relapsed 30 days after.

Michelle:

And you know, honestly it did come back to.

Michelle:

I can't do this to my kids.

Michelle:

And it was that last hospital stay that I had and second child

Michelle:

protective services investigation.

Michelle:

And I just said, you know, it's like, you just keep going until

Michelle:

that moment or that miracle.

Michelle:

And it was just that moment in the hospital.

Michelle:

I just surrendered.

Michelle:

I just, I, I, I had this mindset shift that I am a person who can't

Michelle:

drink normally, and that left endless possibilities of things that I could do.

Michelle:

And I got off the hamster wheel.

Michelle:

It was too exhausting.

Michelle:

And I just had to say to myself, I am person who can't drink and I am

Michelle:

going to learn to be okay with that.

Michelle:

And my whole world just changed.

Michelle:

You know, I saw all these relapses because I keep record of my sobriety

Michelle:

dates and I always just saw a failure.

Michelle:

And when I started looking at that, as I'm a person who doesn't give

Michelle:

up, that's what this is about.

Michelle:

And if I keep going, I know I'm going to be successful.

Michelle:

And so the length of sobriety that I would maintain, I would see

Michelle:

successes because I was putting distance between me and my thing.

Michelle:

And it was showing me I can have.

Michelle:

I can still keep friendships.

Michelle:

I'm starting to build confidence.

Michelle:

My face is starting to look clear.

Michelle:

I'm not missing work anymore.

Michelle:

And so all the beautiful gifts of sobriety started to unfold, which really kept

Michelle:

me motivated to keep moving forward.

Michelle:

I love that you bring up this, excuse me, this concept of

Michelle:

picking up after you stop and.

Michelle:

Often, so many people just give up so many women they give

Michelle:

up and they don't keep going.

Michelle:

I didn't know when I got sober, I didn't know that you could relapse.

Michelle:

I didn't know that that was an option nobody ever said or

Michelle:

showed me that that could happen.

Michelle:

And so when I stopped, I just stopped.

Michelle:

And then about, I think it was like six months into my journey.

Michelle:

The girl that I was kind of running with, you know, she drank again.

Michelle:

And I was like, oh my God, which has happened.

Michelle:

Like, I didn't even, I had no concept of it.

Michelle:

And then she never came back, you know?

Michelle:

And I, and I remember a woman saying, you know, we're not

Michelle:

in control of this disease.

Michelle:

You need to stay.

Michelle:

And that.

Michelle:

Hit me like a ton of bricks, but I love when I meet people that have

Michelle:

these stories of staying, regardless that it's like a muscle, like it's,

Michelle:

I'm going to, I'm going to come back.

Michelle:

I'm gonna, I'm going to try it again.

Michelle:

I'm going to be a part of the solution.

Michelle:

I'm going to change my family.

Michelle:

I'm going to be a different mother.

Michelle:

I, I just, I love and thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sure that

Michelle:

a lot of mothers can relate to that, especially right now in this pandemic.

Michelle:

Holy but Jesus it's, I mean, we're living through a time that

Michelle:

we just have never lived through.

Michelle:

Have you seen an increase in the work that you do with.

Michelle:

And alcohol and drug abuse and use absolutely the highest

Michelle:

levels I've ever seen in my area.

Michelle:

And I know it's true.

Michelle:

Nationally is detox treatment programs, residential programs,

Michelle:

hospitals, and our crisis line.

Michelle:

Everything is so inundated the behavioral health system it's, you know, and a

Michelle:

lot of it is alcohol use disorder.

Michelle:

A lot of it, you know, and I know that that's an, it's an accessible

Michelle:

thing and it's convenient and no one's gonna bat an eye.

Michelle:

And so.

Michelle:

It has been really hard.

Michelle:

You know, it's already really hard.

Michelle:

There's so many barriers to trying to get support.

Michelle:

You know, it's like, you know, insurance denials and people don't have the

Michelle:

financial freedom or the, the means to be able to get the treatment that they need.

Michelle:

And that has already been a huge thing for, for a really long time.

Michelle:

And then to add on this and a shortage.

Michelle:

When people are ready, you want to capture them right when they're right where

Michelle:

they're at and just say, okay, let's go.

Michelle:

Let's do this.

Michelle:

You know, that's how usually inpatient treatment works.

Michelle:

It's like, you don't have time to pack bags.

Michelle:

Let's just go.

Michelle:

If you say yes, that means.

Michelle:

We're going.

Michelle:

And so it's, it has just been, it's been a beautiful thing to see a lot of new

Michelle:

programs and resources and treatment options open up for people in lieu

Michelle:

of how hard it is to get into some of the traditional programs and even my

Michelle:

home group and some of the 12 steps.

Michelle:

It's just, it's been beautiful to see so many newcomers coming through and coming

Michelle:

back, which has been really, really.

Michelle:

You just brought up this really fascinating, interesting idea of all these

Michelle:

new programs, all these new pathways, all these new ways that we can find recovery.

Michelle:

I'm like blown away.

Michelle:

Because when, again, I just, my experience is it, it was one way.

Michelle:

Or you're not surviving.

Michelle:

And so to see what is it, sober, SIS curious, AAF, the sober girl all

Michelle:

of these, the luckiest CLA like all of these groups coming together to

Michelle:

really promote the sober lifestyle.

Michelle:

Yup.

Michelle:

It's a lifestyle that is worth living and can be done.

Michelle:

Absolutely.

Michelle:

So when are you are you encouraging people to find these other resources

Michelle:

or are you very traditional?

Michelle:

Both.

Michelle:

Honestly, it depends on the woman and where she is.

Michelle:

You know, I, I speak a lot about there's the whole, now that it's becoming more, I

Michelle:

don't even want to say trendy or popular.

Michelle:

It's becoming more safe.

Michelle:

More people are feeling comfortable to say, I think I

Michelle:

might have a problem with alcohol.

Michelle:

So you have this sober, curious people who don't have to wait to hit this spectrum of

Michelle:

rock bottom, blackout alcoholism like me.

Michelle:

Right?

Michelle:

It's like I kept myself.

Michelle:

So.

Michelle:

Hidden and in secrecy that it kept me sick where I didn't think that

Michelle:

there was anything or know of anything available to me until I got bad enough.

Michelle:

And eventually with a progressive disease, you, I got bad enough where at

Michelle:

first, when I walked into the rooms, I.

Michelle:

Find the similarities.

Michelle:

Cause I was too focused on the differences because I'm not going to become bad.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

I'm so much better.

Michelle:

I'm going to beat the system and I'm going to find a way to moderate

Michelle:

and I'm going to be able to regulate my drinking like I did before.

Michelle:

Well, that didn't work.

Michelle:

And so, you know, I really feel that this new movement is allowing

Michelle:

people the opportunity to stop.

Michelle:

And really take an honest look at where ever they're at with their

Michelle:

problematic drinking or recreational using and to say, is this adding value?

Michelle:

Is this making me feel better?

Michelle:

Is it costing me more than it's providing me and getting curious about

Michelle:

that before you have to get to this place of complete dependence and you

Michelle:

know, you need to stop, but you can't.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

Like you you're so far in that you feel like you're almost drowning.

Michelle:

Like it's this quick sand of, I know that this is not adding value, but I

Michelle:

am so chemically dependent and I've lost so much that I feel like I might

Michelle:

as well just keep going at this point.

Michelle:

So for me, it's like meeting them where they're at and if they're.

Michelle:

Open to the idea of a program or 12 step program.

Michelle:

Great.

Michelle:

Here's some options if you're not there and you're this, I

Michelle:

don't know what I want to do yet.

Michelle:

I'm going to give you some podcasts.

Michelle:

I'm going to give you a book to read.

Michelle:

I'm going to give you some groups to be a fly on the wall.

Michelle:

And you get to see for yourself that you're not alone and that we

Michelle:

are normal human beings that are professionals that look just like

Michelle:

the average person in our community.

Michelle:

And they can make their decision.

Michelle:

So I'm very much client centered or, you know, sober sister centered.

Michelle:

You let me know what you're like, what you're not wanting, what

Michelle:

your rejections and barriers are.

Michelle:

If you're completely open, I'm going to give you a smorgasbord of ideas

Michelle:

and you decide patchwork to recovery.

Michelle:

You know, if you want to do something traditional, great.

Michelle:

If you want to try a different route.

Michelle:

Great.

Michelle:

You know, it's refreshing to hear this.

Michelle:

I'm very tradition.

Michelle:

I got sober a long time ago.

Michelle:

And so when I hear this kind of new conversation come about, it just,

Michelle:

it warms my heart because for so long, I struggled with staying in the

Michelle:

closet, so to speak about recovery, because recovery is so magical and

Michelle:

as a part of a 12 step community, Sometimes I struggle with it being

Michelle:

a disservice to so many people.

Michelle:

And that's one of the reasons why I kind of came out of the closet, so to speak.

Michelle:

And I do the work that I do now on a larger scale, and to have so many people

Michelle:

sharing about this life of recovery is.

Michelle:

It just fills my heart.

Michelle:

Like nothing else.

Michelle:

It brings me so much joy and there's no what's the word I want to use?

Michelle:

There's no, like that's better or the way that they're doing it is great.

Michelle:

There's a sense of community within all of us.

Michelle:

I have felt except for one person, which I will not name.

Michelle:

They kind of bash others, but for the most part, I feel like we are all really

Michelle:

about what's going to work for you.

Michelle:

Like what you just said and it's, it just makes me so happy.

Michelle:

And then again, I just, I keep going back to the community and the

Michelle:

friendliness, because it's not, it's not that we're up against each other.

Michelle:

We're up against big alcohol.

Michelle:

We're up against the messaging that is killing people.

Michelle:

Do you know chase the bass Brock?

Michelle:

He's a retired.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Michelle:

He just did an episode on fentanyl.

Michelle:

Oh, oh, it just like, it sent chills through me, you know,

Michelle:

because fentanyl is this.

Michelle:

No, like people don't even know about it, but the media says, you know, get your

Michelle:

Narcan, get your strips to check fentanyl.

Michelle:

But it's like, why don't we say, why don't you check out recovery?

Michelle:

You know, like, why don't we go towards recovery?

Michelle:

So with you, what is your message around recovery?

Michelle:

That it is a lifelong.

Michelle:

That, you know, a lot of people think that they can quickly get sober and that

Michelle:

they're magically going to be better.

Michelle:

Like, it's this magical unicorn thing.

Michelle:

And it's like, you can take away the bottle, but you need to do

Michelle:

the work and you might be sober, but you're not in recovery.

Michelle:

You know?

Michelle:

And I think that it's a great example of like the pandemic of, you know,

Michelle:

it was high, highly like desirable to start drinking or to drink excessively.

Michelle:

And it was a great time for some people to say, I want to try out sobriety

Michelle:

because I'm not going to be peer pressured or I'm not going to have to make up

Michelle:

an excuse for why I'm not drinking.

Michelle:

Well, people like you and I who have, are in recovery and working some

Michelle:

type of program, it was, it was hard.

Michelle:

It was hard to, and it was hard in a different way because.

Michelle:

My home group.

Michelle:

Wasn't open my therapist.

Michelle:

Wasn't open my gym.

Michelle:

Wasn't open.

Michelle:

I couldn't see my friends in my recovery circle and network.

Michelle:

So things were really shaken up for me.

Michelle:

And I didn't even think about that.

Michelle:

You know, it's like, well, you're been in, you've been in recovery.

Michelle:

You you're solid.

Michelle:

No, I have 24, just like everybody else does every single morning.

Michelle:

And I have to work hard to maintain that too.

Michelle:

And so it's, it's very.

Michelle:

It's very desirable that my addiction is just like, things are different.

Michelle:

It's going to be different.

Michelle:

Just try it.

Michelle:

It's been five years.

Michelle:

No, I have the choice to say no.

Michelle:

Other than that, I give over my choice and my power to alcohol and to other things

Michelle:

I've been down that road too many times.

Michelle:

And so it's, you know, I have to remember that this is, it's not a death sentence.

Michelle:

I get to wake up every morning and see the sunrise and enjoy a cup of coffee.

Michelle:

But that is a beauty.

Michelle:

And I think that some people just get so baffled when I say that, because

Michelle:

they didn't hit an all-time low.

Michelle:

They don't understand when they're an earliest sobriety.

Michelle:

I don't get these gifts.

Michelle:

I don't get why you think it's that exciting to wake up and enjoy coffee.

Michelle:

We'll try, try living the life that I had and you don't wake up till noon.

Michelle:

And your husband's upset with you.

Michelle:

Your kids are not talking to you.

Michelle:

You are barfing laying in your own barf.

Michelle:

It's pretty cool to wake up with no regret and no shame and have

Michelle:

your husband be proud of you and love you and fall in love with you.

Michelle:

Again, that's pretty incredible.

Michelle:

So, you know, that would be my, my way of really defining that is that,

Michelle:

you know, you, it, and you can't look at early sobriety and it's, it's not

Michelle:

even a comparison with what longterm recovery is going to look like.

Michelle:

And that's what kept me relapsing was I'm like, I don't want any part of this.

Michelle:

This is hard work.

Michelle:

My friends won't talk to me.

Michelle:

You know, I feel sick and I don't want to have to identify myself as anything.

Michelle:

And I just kept on the hamster wheel and so grateful to be off of it.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Michelle:

You mentioned, I just want to jump into your relationship.

Michelle:

Because I think relationships, the longer that we're sober, the more challenging

Michelle:

they become, because we've began to find who we find out who we are truly.

Michelle:

And a lot of times relationships crumble as a result of that.

Michelle:

And I just heard you say your honey fell in love with you again, that's so magical.

Michelle:

Amazing.

Michelle:

Okay.

Michelle:

And yeah, it's such a, it's hard as well or no, now.

Michelle:

Yes, now.

Michelle:

Yes.

Michelle:

Yup.

Michelle:

The first three years was my thing and he was going to support me.

Michelle:

And so we had boundaries and rules and all of that and never a big drinker at all.

Michelle:

So May of two years ago.

Michelle:

So he is, Jay's almost two and a half years and just decided

Michelle:

that he didn't need it either.

Michelle:

It was not adding value to his life and he wanted to continue

Michelle:

to level up and support me.

Michelle:

And it's, it's great.

Michelle:

That's really nice to hear.

Michelle:

That's really, it's hopeful to hear, cause that's not always how it is.

Michelle:

It's not.

Michelle:

Yeah.

Michelle:

In my early recovery, I thought I was with somebody and I was

Michelle:

going to be with them for the rest of my life, five years into it.

Michelle:

We crashed and burned.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

And then I was single for many, many, many years.

Michelle:

And then I found another one, oh, this is it.

Michelle:

You know, and crash and burn.

Michelle:

And I think the relationships that we have in sobriety are

Michelle:

so rich and vulnerable and real.

Michelle:

How are you relationships changed with your kids?

Michelle:

Well, relationships in general have so much more substance it's.

Michelle:

We actually have meaningful conversations even with.

Michelle:

You know, it's not, I'm, I'm goofy and I'm, you know, intoxicated

Michelle:

and let's just do random things that I would never do sober.

Michelle:

It's like we have real authentic conversations and they're

Michelle:

my biggest cheerleaders.

Michelle:

They are just proud of their sober mama and they tell

Michelle:

everybody that I am a sober mom.

Michelle:

And so it's super cute.

Michelle:

And so we're kind of like I had to reel them in a little bit lately

Michelle:

because if their parents not sober, they're like, well, that's not right.

Michelle:

And I'm like, whoa.

Michelle:

So they had to do a little bit more education about, you know,

Michelle:

but it is, it is okay for a lot of people and not everybody has a

Michelle:

problematic relationship with it.

Michelle:

And so we just need to be respectful, but these are the things to look out

Michelle:

for in order to make sure that your safe but yeah, conversations, you

Michelle:

know, like my 12 year old, just middles.

Michelle:

The pandemic.

Michelle:

If I wouldn't have been, if I'm not sober, I wouldn't be present and a

Michelle:

safe place for them to land to have really honest, authentic conversations.

Michelle:

This is bone.

Michelle:

This is like their most vulnerable time.

Michelle:

I need to be here to just listen and I don't have to fix it, but I can validate

Michelle:

them and I can empathize with them.

Michelle:

They just want me to be present and they deserve that.

Michelle:

And our relationships have grown tremendously with.

Michelle:

Honesty and vulnerability.

Michelle:

And I get to sprinkle in these little messages of hope that someday they

Michelle:

will realize the impact that this had.

Michelle:

And I get to share more of my story when they start to explore with any

Michelle:

type of recreational drug or alcohol that they're going to make their

Michelle:

own story and their own journey.

Michelle:

But I want them to know where I've been.

Michelle:

And that I am going to, I'm living a life that I'm not going to say don't

Michelle:

drink and drive and then go do it.

Michelle:

You know, I am showing them sobriety and I am showing them the

Michelle:

perfect example of how I hope that they continue to live that life.

Michelle:

And if they explore, that's fine, but I, I, I am going to keep this

Michelle:

conversation open about all types of mental health, substance abuse, you know?

Michelle:

Because they're important conversations to have.

Michelle:

So I'm so grateful that I'm sober to be able to have them and guide them.

Michelle:

And truly be honest with my integrity, knowing that I'm not just saying, and

Michelle:

then doing the opposite and they see that.

Michelle:

And during this pandemic, you know, with that amount of time

Michelle:

that you have, you mentioned that it's become more challenging.

Michelle:

Yes.

Michelle:

And so through this time, what have you had to do to find that

Michelle:

piece that you would typically find with your girlfriends or when you

Michelle:

would jump into your home group?

Michelle:

Yes.

Michelle:

Great question.

Michelle:

A lot of different things.

Michelle:

One big piece that was helpful in regards to establishing, you know,

Michelle:

that kind of home group feel was virtually getting onto the meter.

Michelle:

That was really helpful of, you know, not having that in person connection,

Michelle:

which is not replaceable, but.

Michelle:

Finding other ways to still connect with my sober community.

Michelle:

So doing my hung groups virtually starting up the sober mom squad of

Michelle:

finding these moms who were struggling with work sobriety, homeschool,

Michelle:

pandemic, children, all of the things, and really diving into service work.

Michelle:

I did a lot of outreach.

Michelle:

I did a lot of crisis hotline work that was that piece of it.

Michelle:

And we're only working on the perfectionism and the people pleasing

Michelle:

that really provided me some buffer to not have to have my house ready

Michelle:

cause no one was coming over.

Michelle:

So that gave me more time to declutter.

Michelle:

It gave me more time to be authentic with my kids and to just build

Michelle:

forts, make root beer, floats, build Legos and not have to put them away.

Michelle:

You know, it gave me so much more.

Michelle:

Me back and really establishing.

Michelle:

I kind of felt like I was getting time back with them that I had lost by not

Michelle:

being physically or emotionally present for those years I was drinking and

Michelle:

nothing will ever replace that, but it did allow me to slow down and get back.

Michelle:

Some of those really important family traditions.

Michelle:

Outside, you know, I, with nature, we have seven acres and

Michelle:

it was just, I didn't do that.

Michelle:

So that was like very healing for me to sit out with my, a book on my hammock

Michelle:

and just sit there and just be still with myself instead of trying to drink

Michelle:

away the noise and the chatter and.

Michelle:

Just sit with it.

Michelle:

It's not going to hurt me.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

It just, it comes in, it goes, it, it feels awful.

Michelle:

And it feels like it's going to last forever.

Michelle:

And then it's like, oh, distraction, there goes a bird or a plane or that thought.

Michelle:

And I just kept going, you know, it's just, you fill your

Michelle:

mind with other things that.

Michelle:

Instead of just saying, I don't have access to this, and

Michelle:

this is the worst thing ever.

Michelle:

Okay.

Michelle:

This is a place and a life.

Michelle:

And if a season of life right now that is very unfamiliar

Michelle:

during this whole pandemic.

Michelle:

So where can I find familiarity?

Michelle:

If I feel uneasy, where can I find ease and the stability of my family and

Michelle:

my sobriety and my partner, my higher power am my sober sister community.

Michelle:

I can't play martyr and I can't play victim.

Michelle:

Serve me and it doesn't support my sobriety and my long-term recovery.

Michelle:

So I really have to challenge that negative thoughts.

Michelle:

I have to challenge that martyr what it strikes because it does,

Michelle:

I have to be ready to attack it's there waiting, always, always there.

Michelle:

Waiting.

Michelle:

What is your spiritual practice?

Michelle:

I, I do a lot of different things actually.

Michelle:

I go to church, I'm a Catholic, so I do that piece.

Michelle:

And you know, I'm working actually with a spiritual coach right now,

Michelle:

trying to find just more high vibes and frequency of being true

Michelle:

to me and showing up as truly me.

Michelle:

And not who the world tells me that I'm supposed to be, or my mom's voice

Michelle:

telling me who I'm supposed to be.

Michelle:

I've gotten back into yoga so many little, like, kind of like my recovery,

Michelle:

it's like little bits and pieces of what makes me, me, and really just

Michelle:

re-inventing who that supposed to be.

Michelle:

Like, because I was told, you know, growing up, this is

Michelle:

what you're supposed to do.

Michelle:

And these are your core beliefs.

Michelle:

And I get to kind of challenge some of that, but is that

Michelle:

really where I want to be?

Michelle:

Is that really where I'm at in my life right now?

Michelle:

And just exploring different, different ways, seeing what works

Michelle:

and if it doesn't work, keep going, going, keep trying new things.

Michelle:

That's really great.

Michelle:

And that's the beauty of recovery is that you get to just try and taste and test and

Michelle:

move about as long as you don't pick up.

Michelle:

Right.

Michelle:

You just, you can continue the search and seek what's on your nightstand, right?

Michelle:

Ooh, atomic habits for the second time.

Michelle:

Love that book.

Michelle:

And then what else is, I don't think I have anything else on my nightstand.

Michelle:

I'm rearranging my office, so my big books up there.

Michelle:

I do need to reread that again, but yeah, the atomic habits

Michelle:

is what's on there right now.

Michelle:

And what do you do for fun?

Michelle:

Ooh, good question.

Michelle:

Service, work, service work.

Michelle:

I do find it fun.

Michelle:

What is fun about it?

Michelle:

Like what, what's the element of fun that you find?

Michelle:

Because see, for me for fun, I'm like thinking about riding bicycles

Michelle:

and, you know, letting balloons go on both of those, which is so funny.

Michelle:

I just lost a whole bunch of balloons that I'd gotten at party city and

Michelle:

I was running my son's birthday.

Michelle:

So I.

Michelle:

Called crying, asking if they'd redo them because they're so

Michelle:

expensive, but service work is fun.

Michelle:

What's fun about that is just seeing somebody light their eyes light up.

Michelle:

Just like you care.

Michelle:

You, you struggle.

Michelle:

Like I can get better.

Michelle:

Like thank you for this meal.

Michelle:

Thank you for this narc hand.

Michelle:

Thank you for just listening to my story without judgment.

Michelle:

Like that is just powerful, but it can't be what only fills me up.

Michelle:

And so by.

Michelle:

My kids started go-karting, which is awesome to watch it.

Michelle:

That's also terrifying at the same time.

Michelle:

I'm a gardener.

Michelle:

I love to cook sobriety has given me back that ability to keep my hands busy,

Michelle:

make something, we harvest it from our garden, watch it from scratch all the way

Michelle:

to our dinner table, which is amazing.

Michelle:

I got a sober companion as a buddy, I got my first puppy.

Michelle:

I've never had an animal in my entire life.

Michelle:

And I'm telling you, I don't know why I waited so long.

Michelle:

Best thing for sobriety.

Michelle:

Depression can hang and chip.

Michelle:

Wow, amazing.

Michelle:

So, you know, I'm a sports mom.

Michelle:

I'm always there, but I just, I I'm always learning.

Michelle:

I'll always be a student and I'm guided.

Michelle:

The wisdom of my elders and I don't have to be a lot older, but it's just

Michelle:

like, it's such a humbling thing to know that they've been through life.

Michelle:

And just to really listen.

Michelle:

And absorb digest and try to implement some of these practices that people,

Michelle:

women that have gone before me.

Michelle:

It's incredible.

Michelle:

You know, you think, you know, everything just like our kids are like, you

Michelle:

don't know anything, like, you know, you haven't been 12 at a pandemic and

Michelle:

it's just like, okay, you're right.

Michelle:

I haven't, I haven't, but I've experienced what it's like to lose friendships and to

Michelle:

feel bullied and to not feel worthy and.

Michelle:

You know, these filters and all those things that there are these

Michelle:

days that we have to talk about.

Michelle:

But anything and everything I can find joy in.

Michelle:

I just swam with the dolphins, which was a huge thing for me.

Michelle:

I'm going to be jumping out of a plane, crazy.

Michelle:

Just things that I've always wanted to do, but could never do because I wasn't sober.

Michelle:

It was unsafe.

Michelle:

So just wild, fun, exciting things, outdoors, really like.

Michelle:

Being outdoors.

Michelle:

So yeah, really great for the spirit.

Michelle:

Great.

Michelle:

For the mind recalculates the brain, amazing Michelle,

Michelle:

where can our guests find you?

Michelle:

And the amazing work that you are doing, your sobriety is so rich.

Michelle:

And I just, I could talk all day because you have so much going on.

Michelle:

But we are at that time.

Michelle:

So where can they find.

Michelle:

I, my website is recovery.

Michelle:

Is the Nicholas.

Michelle:

You can find me on Facebook, recoveries, new black, which I have a private

Michelle:

Facebook group for women only, too.

Michelle:

So if you're curious and active recovery contemplating, it's a

Michelle:

safe, amazing group of women.

Michelle:

I absolutely love it.

Michelle:

Amazing.

Michelle:

Michelle, thank you so much for being a woman in recovery

Michelle:

and being a mother in recovery.

Michelle:

Thank you.

Michelle:

And thank you as well for all that you do.

Michelle:

Thanks, mama.

Michelle:

May you find something light, something juicy and something so delicious.

Michelle:

It fills you up so you can be the best mother.

Michelle:

I know you can be until next time.

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