In this episode: why you should make the first move in new friendships and community…even if it’s uncomfortable.

Alana Strong is a former teacher turned real estate agent and community builder in The Woodlands, Texas. She founded The Woodlands Women’s Collective, a 10,000+ member community north of Houston connecting women through events, networking, and friendship.

Alana and Teresa talk about the value in having a community and how oftentimes many people are searching for the exact same thing - but sometimes you have to be the one to take initiative to get it started, and that’s ok. They also discuss how your reality is the stories you tell yourself, and how shifting a few tiny things in your mindset can open up so many wonderful possibilities to build a life and a community you love. Plus, a bonus conversation about all things reality TV, and why you definitely need to start watching Survivor.

This episode is for any girly feeling a little stuck in her life: a reminder that there are no rules, and she has the power to take the reins back and build a life and a community she truly loves.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• To build new friendships or community, you may need to make the first move, but you'll often meet others looking for the same kinds of connections.
• An established community is a great way to meet people and make new friendships, but it also takes effort. You have to put in the work to cultivate those friendships outside of your community space.
• There are no rules - if you want to make something happen, give yourself permission to go out and do it.
• Collaboration vs. competition in female spaces is a practice. Ask yourself: What does it actually look like, and what does it actually mean to focus on collaboration over competition?
• Your reality is the stories you tell yourself - you have so much power to truly build a life you love, simply by just changing the narrative.

Life is too short to sit around hating it. - Alana Strong

Connect with Alana:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alanastrongg/
• The Woodlands Women’s Collective: https://www.instagram.com/thewoodlandswomenscollective/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twwcollective
• Website: http://www.thewoodlandswomenscollective.com
• Pretty Chatty Girls Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pretty-chatty-girls/id1895327217

Connect with Teresa

• Join the Becoming Obsessed Playground, the weekly email for curiosity-led women building a life they love.
• Instagram: @becomingobsessedpod and @teresaajean
• Leave a review on Apple or Spotify Podcasts. Reviews are the biggest thank-you, and reviews help ambitious women find the show.
• Website: teresaajean.com

Topic: woodlands women collective, adult friendships, how to build local community, women's networking events, friendship vs community, collaboration over competition

I have team of people that help me, and it's really made everything so much more fun for me because in the beginning, I started realizing I'm creating this space for people to make friends.

But I realized I wasn't actually making a lot of friends because everyone was like, oh, well, you're the host.

Like, you're probably too busy.

And I don't know if there was intimidation, but I'm like, no, I really need to focus on making friends, too.

And so I took my own advice.

I started asking people, like, hey, do you want to get coffee later?

Like, do you want to hang out?

I want to be your friend.

I know you're coming to my events to make friends, but, like, I need friends, too.

Welcome to becoming Obsessed, where curiosity leads you to a life you love.

I'm Teresa Stasney, and after over a decade of traveling the world, working with small business owners, and creating a couple businesses of my own, I know a thing or two about playing by your own rules.

It's not always easy, and it's often messy.

It can be hard, especially.

Especially if you're doing it alone.

I've seen way too many incredible women shoot for the stars only to burn out along the way, or worse, live on default and never chase their dreams.

We're done with all of that.

Together, we're gonna challenge what keeps us stuck and figure out what it takes to live a life we truly love.

Today, we are becoming obsessed with making the first move and putting yourself in the room.

We online, as a collective community, have.

Well, as a culture, have talked about community so much as a buzzword as the cure to loneliness.

There's all these kind of ideas floating around.

And so we're going to talk about it, we're going to get into it and continue to understand what community is, how you can create it, how you have to be an active participant in it.

And today's guest, y'.

All, she has created an incredible and massive community.

Alanna Strong is a former teacher turned real estate agent and community builder in the Woodlands, Texas.

She founded the Woodlands Women Collective, which has over 10,000 members in their community just north of Houston, where they connect women through events, networking, and friendship.

She's passionate about helping people build meaning, meaningful connections and really feel at home in their own community.

Holy bleep, girl.

That is a lot of people.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

So I read that number, and I'm overwhelmed myself.

So we're gonna get into the nitty gritty of what it's like.

But before we jump to where it's at now, why did you start this community in the first place?

So I am native Houstonian.

Houston, born and raised.

And then I went to college in Austin and stayed there for a few years.

So I was in Austin for a total of 10 years, and I had an amazing community there.

I was a theater major, was really involved in a local choir, had great friends, and I knew that the hardest part of moving back home to the North Houston area would be starting over and building that community.

Because even though I grew up there, almost none of my friends live here from high school.

So I moved to the Woodlands, and I was sitting at home most nights, like, what do I do?

Who do I hang out with?

My husband works nights.

My family was nearby, so I was going over to my mom's a lot, and I'm like, mom, I love you, but I need some friends my age.

I need to hang out with the girls.

So I got on Bumble BFF and I was scrolling and, you know, it's a little awkward.

It's like, okay, I'm gonna meet up with somebody.

It's like a date.

It's like, okay, what if you meet up with them and then you don't get along and you don't have natural banter?

Like, it's just awkward.

And so I ended up just messaging, like, 10 girls on Bumble, and I'm like, hey, I'm gonna go to this local bar next Friday night.

I would love it if you came.

And, like, I'm just gonna invite a bunch of girls.

And I think I posted on a Facebook group too.

Like, a local group.

Like, hey, if you're looking for friends, I'm going to this bar.

I would love for people to come.

And I remember being so nervous and being like, oh, my gosh, what am I doing?

Like, are people actually gonna come?

Am I gonna look like a loser sitting alone?

And 10 girls came, and then it just kind of started from there.

It's like, okay, well, what are we doing next?

What's the next thing?

And so I started a Facebook group, and that has exploded to what we have today.

That's incredible.

I love that too, because it is, like, so nervous to be like, one on one.

And you're like, I don't know, are we going to like each other?

And I love that you're like, okay, honestly, I don't want to go on 10 dates.

Let's just bring them all to this one and see who vibes.

And then these other women are getting to vibe with each other.

So even if you're like, okay, it feels awkward between us, but maybe she's really connecting with somebody else and it takes the pressure off.

Exactly.

And some of those girls still come to events.

Today I was in one of the girls's wedding.

We've now formed such great friendships from this original group of women that started everything.

I want to know, where does your work life play into this?

Yes.

So I am a real estate agent.

I was teaching, and I've had a lot of different jobs since college.

I tried a lot of different things, but I landed on real estate, and I really enjoy it.

And that was the other factor where, you know, I don't have kids, I don't have coworkers.

I mean, I have people that work in my office, but most of them are older.

And also my office is about 40 minutes from my house, so I don't go in very often.

And I just was like, how do I make friends doing real estate when you don't have co workers, when you don't have people that you connect with?

And I think a lot of entrepreneurs can relate to that.

Which is why I kind of started the networking side of it was because I was like, entrepreneurship can be lonely and it can be hard to make friends whenever you're working for yourself.

So work has definitely played into that a lot.

But I have made amazing friends with some of my clients.

I have really enjoyed doing real estate.

And it's the first job where I'm like, okay, like, I don't want to quit.

I'm working for myself.

Like, I don't have the urge to quit every six months like I did with other jobs.

I feel that I'm like, I've been working for myself.

Sometimes that urge creeps up.

I'm like, am I in my luteal phase?

What's going on?

Yeah, I mean, there's definitely ups and downs, for sure.

4, I believe.

24.

2 Years, 10,000 members.

Walk me through.

Like, how did that happen?

Yes.

Well, when we say 10,000 members, that's how many are in our Facebook groups.

That's not how many are always coming to events or anything.

But it's really cool because we kind of have like an online community and an in person community, and there are people who are really involved in one or the other, which is also really cool.

But we really focus on in person things and.

And it's just a big signal to how many women are looking for that.

They're looking for a sense of belonging where we are.

I look even in Houston and in Austin, there are other girl groups.

This is not anything original.

This is something that we're seeing pop up more and more and more.

And it's because I really think in a post Covid world, post Covid, where we were locked in, people are wanting in person connection.

They're wanting to feel a sense of belonging.

I think we were all so isolated for a period of time, and now I do feel like we're all so busy.

It's crazy.

I feel like we swung the complete opposite direction, but at the end of the day, we're all just looking for people we connect with.

Did you actively try to grow the group or was it really members inviting other members?

Definitely both.

And I tried to grow it in the sense of like, I would post in the Facebook group.

There's a Facebook group called All Things Woodlands and it's.

It has like 25,000 members.

It's crazy.

And so I'll post in there and be like, hey, if y' all are women looking for friends, like, come join this group.

So we get a lot of members anytime we post like that.

And then whenever just people see us, we started making TikToks and we started making Instagram reels to share about the events that we're doing.

And it grew a lot faster than I expected it to, that's for sure.

We had a book club, or we do have a book club, and we're meeting consistently and it was like, okay, 12 people.

15 People.

15 People.

15.

Oh, 50 people.

And so that's when I'm like, okay, this is a little crazy.

Like 50 person book club, not really sustainable.

So how do we then make it sustainable?

Like, our book club TikTok really blew up.

Like, that was crazy.

We had 30,000 views on our local book club, TikTok, and we were getting 50 plus people at every book club.

So different things here and there blew it up kind of unexpectedly.

And I was really surprised because I think on TikTok, there's sometimes a misconception that, like, oh, well, it's not going to show it to local people.

Like, it's going to get a lot of views, but it's not going to be local.

But the amount of people that are like, I found you on TikTok is crazy.

Like, a lot of people find us there.

As a marketer myself who helps business owners get found online, I can hear people just screaming and being like, but I've been Posting so much.

Why her, not me?

But I want to bring that up because sometimes it's not the strategy, it's not having a better strategy.

It's not knowing exactly what to post.

It's putting yourself out there and continuing to do it.

And the market will tell you what it wants.

And so what you did was something that people wanted, people needed.

Your Instagram is so fun.

I was like, going through them and it makes me want to show up.

It makes me want to go.

And it was just you showing what you're doing, what you wanted, yourself.

And the market was like, yeah, this is 30,000 views.

Because other people want that.

And so we're not gonna get into, like all the, you know, marketing strategies.

But it's almost I'm in this place right now.

And again, as somebody who helps people with marketing in like an anti strategy moment, be creative, be yourself.

Post what you want to create and what you want to see.

Yes.

And, you know, what works on TikTok doesn't necessarily work on Instagram.

Like, I have found that out.

Very different content performs well on each platform.

But at the end of the day, all the content that performs well is like a.

If you're looking for friends, come here.

If you are looking for community, it's like tapping into people's emotions and finding a way to relate to people and be like, hey, like, if you're looking for this, this is what we do.

And I was talking at my networking event earlier this week, and my biggest tip for people is, be consistent.

Most people drop off, most things die off, or people get discouraged.

The more consistent you are, the more return you'll have.

And people will see like, oh, this is still going on.

Like, oh, this didn't die off.

You're still doing this.

Yeah, it's compounding.

Okay, so book club gets to 50 members and you're like, how do we make this sustainable?

I know your Galentine's day event a couple months ago was like 500 attendees.

People dream of having their events have this many people at them, but when you hit that, there's a whole new set of problems.

So how are these run and managed?

Do you have help?

What's the time money resource formula look like?

Well, and that's what I quickly realized.

Last year when I was doing things, I was like, oh, this is costing a lot of money.

And I was doing things for free, or, you know, just charging the exact amount that it cost.

And then I realized I was like, oh, this is costing a lot of money.

And, you know, a Lot of people will give me advice like, oh, like, we would love a website where we can find everything, and we'd love, like, consistent reminder emails.

And I'm like, well, all of that takes a lot of time and money.

So I started charging for events, and I try to make things very accessible.

Like, we're like, how do we make it as accessible as possible?

And there was a lot of misunderstanding.

I feel like whenever we started charging things, but it's hard.

There's a lot that goes into everything.

There's a lot that goes into planning.

And so I did bring on a team.

I have team of people that help me, and it's really made everything so much more fun for me.

Because in the beginning, I started realizing I was like, I'm creating this space for people to make friends.

But I realized I wasn't actually making a lot of friends because everyone was like, oh, well, you're the host.

Like, you're probably too busy.

And I don't know if there was intimidation, but I'm like, no, I really need to focus on making friends, too.

And so I took my own advice, what I was telling other people at events, and I'm like, I started asking people like, hey, do you want to get coffee later?

Like, do you want to hang out?

I want to be your friend.

Like, I know you're coming to my events to make friends, but, like, I need friends, too.

It is.

It's like always the host.

You're almost like, oh, well, that girl's already got it.

Like, she's that girl.

She's got the friends.

She's bringing us all here.

But you're like, no, no, no.

Guys still like, I want to hang out.

I'm one of the girls.

Yeah.

And then, you know, I start inviting girls to hang out.

I'll start, like, being like, hey, do y' all want to go to brunch?

And then there's different dynamics that come into play.

And then it does get complicated.

And it's like, how do you build those friendships outside of the community that you form?

Because you have the community events shows up.

But then at the end of the day, like, who are you going to call whenever something goes wrong?

Like, you don't know a lot of the people coming to a lot of these events.

And now I know the people who come consistently, like, the people who always show up, the people who are constantly involved and have been involved for a long time now.

But there's always new people, which is great.

My biggest priority is always creating a welcoming space for people to come and how do we make it to where if you don't know anybody, you don't feel like a stranger.

When you come to an event, you don't feel like you're on the outside and that's hard.

Whenever going back to the book club thing, like one time we showed up to book club and there were 75 people and we're at a restaurant and I told them there'd be 40.

That's not sustainable.

People don't feel welcome, People feel stressed.

It adds a level of stress because they're not equipped to handle us.

We have too many people, it's too loud, it's not a good experience.

And so that's also been my biggest priority is how do I keep the experience good?

How do I keep the experience good for my people coming and also for the venues that we work with?

Like, how do I keep good relationships with the places that we're going, the people we're working with, the venues.

I always try to support local businesses when we do these events.

Like, how do we give back to the community and what we're doing?

So there's a lot to juggle.

It's a full time job.

I'm like, this isn't your full time job.

How are you doing this?

Oh yeah.

I'm curious on your take on the difference between community and friends and friendship.

You've kind of got into a little bit.

But to me, I've in the last probably year or two have really started to define that these are different things in my life.

And I'm curious your take on this.

Yes.

You know, and that's kind of what I was saying a minute ago with I'm the founder of the community, I'm the one planning the events.

But I realized I didn't have friends.

Like I had this amazing community that would show up when I'd be like, hey, we're going to go do this event.

But then who do I call whenever something happens and I need a friend to talk to?

Who do I call when I want to hang out on a Friday night?

Like, I was still finding myself alone on these nights being like, oh, I don't have any plans.

And so I really do think that there's a difference.

And you can find friends within those communities, you can find your people in communities, but you do have to go out of your way to build those friendships.

I've had people say like, oh, I'm coming to these events, but I'm not making any friends.

How do I actually have friends outside of here?

And it's like, well, you find someone you connect with and you ask them to go to coffee or you ask them to hang out.

And you continued the friendship outside of the event.

You continue the friendship outside of the online community, of talking to people online.

And sometimes I feel like we just expect it to be like, oh, well, I came.

Like, I should have friends for coming.

You have to put in the effort.

And I think I was listening to, I think it was your podcast talk about how the mentality of like a, well, I'm protecting my peace and like, you know, not doing things for our friends to protect our own peace.

Well, friendship is such a give and take.

You can't just expect people to give you friendship without showing up for them too.

That is a huge thing as well.

Like, you have to show up to get something out of it.

You have to give in.

And I feel like there are some people who will come and just expect to get.

And it's like, well, you have to, to also give.

The way that I've been thinking about it is very similar.

And I have lifelong friends and two of my best friends right now.

I met a little over a year ago and my partner is one of my best friends.

I've met him like two and a half years ago.

And so I have people in my life that I've known for my whole life and people that are new in my life.

And then I have community.

And I had this interesting thing happen in March of this year.

It was my 30th birthday.

I was doing a dinner with all of my friends and I was like, okay, well, I have these people that I'm in community with.

Who of them is getting invited?

And it actually became this moment where I was like, no, who are my friends?

Because I go to this thing every Wednesday morning and the girlies are there and we are running business ecosystem in Omaha, Nebraska.

And I was like kind of wanting to invite them, but I was like, but I'd never talk to them outside of this.

Like, sometimes we'll do business together.

But it's like I see them, I don't have to coordinate with them.

I don't have to put in the effort outside of just showing up.

And then whoever is there, we can connect.

And to me I'm like, okay, so they're my community.

They're one of my communities.

It's called One Million Cups.

We show up, whoever's there is there, we get to chat and then we leave.

And if we like can help each other in a way, we'll do it.

But we don't text.

We don't coordinate.

If you're there, you're there.

Amazing.

If you're not, I'm like, oh, dang, where are my girls?

Whereas my friends, we're texting, we're coordinating.

I'm probably telling you everything about my life, and you're gonna be at my birthday dinner.

And I can't have everyone that I like in life like those other girlies.

I love them, but we're not really friends.

I mean, we are, but not in the same way.

And so it is like you're saying, just because you show up with people and you're in community with them, that is enough for a lot of your relationships, that is enough.

But if you're still feeling like you're lacking friendship, you need to take the conversation and the effort outside of the space that you're showing up to.

And, yeah, make those connections.

Text, like you said.

Ask them to come to coffee.

Yeah.

And that was another thing that I've had to accept over the past year is that, first of all, just because I'm in this community with people does not mean we have to be friends either.

And that's kind of like an ugly truth, I guess, is, for lack of better terms, not everyone is owed my friendship.

And it's hard because sometimes being the founder of the group, and that's another reason I wanted a team, because at one point it was, you know, no one wanted to be my friend, and that kind of swung the opposite way, where everyone wanted to be my friend or everyone wanted me at the events.

They always want to talk to me at the events, which is great, but it is also sometimes exhausting.

And it's a lot of energy.

It's a lot of my social battery.

And it's like, how do we make it where the community is not about me, it's about all of us.

And it's about women coming together and supporting each other.

And I want people to find their people in the community.

If you're looking for friends, this is a place to come and make them.

But that does not mean you are owed friendship by everyone in the community.

And it does not mean that you will automatically make friends.

Like, you have to put in the effort.

Like, just seeing someone once a month or seeing someone once a week even, is not necessarily a friendship.

You have to then put in the effort outside of that.

And then it gets complicated, too, because like you said, if you have this group that you're meeting with every week, it's like, okay, well, who do you invite?

Because then if you only invite a few of them, the other ones are gonna feel left out or they're gonna feel excluded.

Those feelings can come up and cause different dynamics.

And it's like, how do you recognize that is not a personal attack on anyone?

And, you know, I feel very much like if people are hanging out and I'm not invited, I'm like, well, they're just hanging out.

We're adult.

This isn't.

No one's being left out on purpose or anything.

It's just like those people are connecting in a different way or they're hanging out.

And sometimes I'll have to remind people that.

But be like, oh, well, I wasn't invited to this.

And it's like, well, girl, that's okay.

Like, that's fine.

It's not anything personal or, I wasn't invited to this either.

It's totally fine.

So really, balancing feelings and friendships and emotions and knowing that you have to put in the effort for the friendship, you can't just expect to be included and invited because you're showing up in the community.

And if you are seeing other people do something that you want to be a part of, instead of sitting by yourself and saying, like, oh, my gosh, no one's inviting me.

Be the first one to make the move.

Either invite those people that you wish would have invited you.

Like, invite one or two of them.

Make a connection.

See if there is even a connection, or if you're just feeling left out.

And if there is a connection, great.

And if not, go do the thing that you felt left out on and ask somebody else to do it with you.

Like, there's so many different ways to take responsibility for creating the life that we want when it comes to friendship and community.

Exactly.

I tell people that all the time.

I mean, with the group, I'm like, if I see something I want to do, I just make it happen.

You can ask anyone who is on our leadership team.

Like, my favorite thing to say is, there are no rules.

We can do whatever we want.

People are like, well, what if this month for book club, we, like, go see the movie that came out?

We just went and saw Project Hail Mary, and I'm like, well, there are no rules.

Like, we can do whatever we want.

If we want to make something happen, we're gonna do it.

And I encourage all the women in our community in our group to do that too.

People will ask me, like, oh, well, can we do this event?

Or can we do that event?

And I'm like, you Know, I don't have the capacity to make that happen.

But, like, you should do it.

You should see, like, if girls want to go do that with you, you should post it in the group and see, like, if anyone wants to go to this event with you.

So I'm always encouraging people, like, don't be afraid of taking that first step.

Don't be afraid of putting yourself out there, because that is what we should be doing in life if you want to make something happen.

Like, I know it's hard and scary, but you just have to do it.

So let's talk about the hard and the scary.

And we've said awkward in this conversation of putting yourself out there.

How was that for you?

You had that first Bumble BFF 10 girl date, and it had to be, like you said, sitting there being like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna just sit here and feel awkward.

How do you contend with those feelings of awkward and being scared and being uncomfortable?

Well, I think it helps that I grew up doing theater.

Being someone who grew up performing my whole life and even still, like, I did a play last year, I feel like sometimes I get the adrenaline from being, like, nervous.

And doing a play last year was really fun.

It was the first one I had done in, like, eight years.

I've directed a lot, but it was the first time I'd performed.

And I kind of did it to see, like, oh, can I still do it?

Can I do something that is scary?

So I kind of enjoy doing things that are scary.

I also feel like for so much of my twenties, I was so anxious and I was so depressed, and I was really in my head about a lot of things.

I didn't put myself out there a lot.

Like, if you looked at who I was five or six years ago, I was not anything really.

Like, I am now in sense of.

I let my fear stop me, and I just kind of woke up one day, I turned 29, and I was like, oh, I'm about to be 30, and my life is not going the way I want it to, and I'm not happy.

And if I continue doing everything I'm doing right now, in a few years, I will be miserable.

And I really was miserable.

But I'm like, the nothing will change.

And I decided to change everything about my life.

I was like, I'm going to quit teaching.

I'm going to get my real estate license.

I'm going to move back home, and I'm going to live the life that I want.

I was listening to a lot of Mel Robbins at the time.

I love Mel Robbins.

And I really got into the let them theory, and I just stopped caring about what other people thought.

And that has really changed everything for me because I used to care so much, and I used to be friends with people that were not great friends.

And looking back, I'm like, oh, like, they didn't actually like me that much.

And I put up with that.

And I longed so much for them to be the type of friend that I wanted them to be, and they just weren't.

And accepting that and being able to, like, kind of move on from that and, like, know I want to surround myself with people who are good friends and who accept me for me and knowing that I can find that by just putting myself out there and figuring out who I connect with and, like, building those friendships.

I just had this huge mindset shift, and I really encourage people to do the same.

Like, if you are not happy, put yourself out there.

It's so hard and scary, but you will be so much happier.

Well, that's a wrap on this podcast.

That's what I've been trying to say for three years.

I love, though, that you made a conscious decision to reframe your own life.

Life.

And you said, I'm not happy.

You became aware.

You're like, okay, I don't want this to be my reality in one year, in 10 years.

And then you also reframed.

I'm gonna do the scary thing just to see if I can.

I'm gonna feel awkward, because then at least I feel alive.

And so often it's these teeny, tiny shifts where we just decide, okay, I used to be afraid, or I used to be too uncomfortable.

I don't want to feel awkward.

I'm scared of feeling that way.

I don't want to feel that way.

And instead you shift it and say, you know, awkward is when the fun stuff happens.

Awkward is actually where I live my life.

So let me go try and feel awkward.

Oh, yeah.

And, you know, the more that you do it, the more comfortable you feel doing it.

It's practicing it.

And I remember hearing someone say in a video last year, like, embarrassment is an underexplored human emotion.

Yes.

I've seen this.

Yes.

And I totally agree.

And a lot of times when we are embarrassed, like, other people really aren't.

Aren't thinking about it.

They're really not caring as much as we think they are.

Okay, I will share.

I felt my cheeks get hot in the last couple weeks, and it is this moment where, again, I was like, embracing feeling so uncomfortable.

I personally feel so uncomfortable when I look dumb.

And I'm always like, I'm okay being wrong.

If I'm wrong about something, I'll admit it.

No worries.

But I've also realized that it's like, yeah, but I'll also not say the thing until I know that I'm wrong.

Bright.

One of my friends from high school has a band, and they had their, like, hiatus show.

So they're like, okay, we're gonna stop touring and making music for a while and just kind of do our own things.

And they had a concert a couple weeks ago, and I went to it, and of course I bought a shirt.

Have to buy merch.

The band's name is Devil in the Details.

And I bought a shirt that was super cool.

It had a skull with a snake in it.

And I bought it, and then I realized it just says devil on it.

And I literally was like, oh, I'm never gonna wear this.

And what I did was literally, after I already paid these girly pops, right?

Like, they're girly pops working a merch booth at a concert at a local venue.

It's not a big thing.

And I literally was like, hi, can I actually switch this shirt out for this other shirt that doesn't just say Devil on it?

And it's so funny, because I felt my cheeks go so red, and they were like, yeah, no worries.

Like, no problem.

It was the same price and everything.

They just had to write on a piece of paper to, like, make the switch.

I felt.

I don't know if it was embarrassment, shame.

Like, I felt so uncomfortable.

And that is the literal, simplest thing ever.

No one else is ever gonna remember that happened.

No one else thought it was weird 30 seconds later or even in the moment.

But even just that moment of, like, okay, I'm either gonna now be stuck with a 30 shirt I will never wear because it just says devil, or I can get the other shirt I will wear.

And I have worn a few times, but it's like, I could have let that moment, that, like, 30 seconds of being uncomfortable stop me from having something that I want.

It was just so funny that I'm like, how is this so embarrassing to me?

But it was.

And it was fun to kind of sit in that and explore that and just do it anyway and be like, okay, can we walk away fast?

Like, let's go to the bar.

I need another drink.

I feel weird.

Yeah.

Ever since starting this group, I feel a lot more empowered in those moments than I used to.

I Feel like I used to have very similar emotions, but one of my best friends now she is gluten free and, like, she's allergic to gluten.

A lot of restaurants are not very good about it because gluten free is such a fad.

And, like, they won't actually be safe gluten free wise.

They'll just be like, gluten friendly.

But she will frequently get things and be like, oh, I don't know if I can eat this.

And she'll just sit.

And I'm like, no, girl, I'm gonna wave them down and be like, hey, like, it's an allergy.

It's serious.

She's not just exploring gluten free.

And I can tell, like, she gets embarrassed.

I'm like, girl, don't be.

Otherwise you're gonna not be able to eat.

And I think it's so important for us to just embrace the awkward and embrace the things that are uncomfortable.

So many women do that by coming to our events.

And so I'm always telling people the hardest part is showing up.

And then once you're there, you feel so much better.

And it can be uncomfortable, but, like, embrace it.

Just come and put yourself out there and come say hi to me or someone on my leadership team.

Like, I'll have people wearing lanyards if they're on the leadership team.

And I'm like, go say hi to people.

Make people feel welcome.

Because then the more that they feel welcome, the less uncomfortable they'll feel.

Which is good.

But also be like, thank you so much for coming.

I know how much courage it takes to show up to something alone.

It's not.

You don't need to feel awkward.

You don't need to feel embarrassed.

It's okay.

Yeah, feel it and don't judge it and do it anyway.

Yes.

Or like, sometimes.

And this is kind of like the hard truth of running a community, people will tell me, like, oh, well, I don't get along with this person.

I don't want to be uncomfortable at your events.

In my mind, I'm kind of like, well, it's not really my responsibility to make sure you like everyone and that you get along with everyone.

Sometimes as adults, we have to be uncomfortable, and that's fine.

And you don't have to interact with that person.

You don't have to come and be friends with everyone.

But I encourage people to sit in that uncomfortability and just be professional and be kind and be respectful and know that it's okay that you don't like that.

Person, and it's okay that they're also here.

That's hard, man.

And I think it's especially something that I'm lucky enough that, okay, I'm 30.

And I think when I was, like, going through middle school, it was still competition, women versus women.

The media was so terrible.

And I really do feel lucky that whatever happened in my life, I've had more voices that are like, no, we're collaboration over competition.

Somehow I got to avoid some of that narrative in my adult life.

But I still see that, especially being an entrepreneur.

It's so prevalent, especially some of the older generation as well.

Social media, I think, helped, but it also made it worse.

And people who just always grew up with.

Especially if you're like a corporate woman, it's like, okay, well, only one woman's gonna get the promotion, whatever it is.

And so I do think what you're saying is so important for us to name that you don't have to like everyone.

It doesn't mean you can't be in the same space.

It doesn't mean they need to know.

You can not like everyone and still be cordial and kind and then also have your other friends that you get to have in the same space.

Exactly.

And I think it's all about being kind and not shunning that person or acting like no one else can be friends with them.

And I can totally relate to what you're saying, because growing up in theater, there's only one girl who can get the role.

And so I took.

Took that pretty hard as a kid.

I found it hard to keep a lot of female friendships, especially in the theater world, because a lot of the girls I got along with, we were going for the same type of roles.

We were going for the same type of everything.

So we were always put up against each other constantly.

And not even for our talents, but for our looks and for the way that we acted and carried ourselves and the color of our hair, our height, our body size.

And so it really kind of messed me up as a kid.

And that carried on through college a lot.

I used to say, like, oh, well, I'm not really a girls girl.

I had a lot of guy friends, and I avoided the color pink.

I avoided having blonde hair because I was not wanting to embrace my femininity because I was constantly surrounded by competition.

And then when I grew up, when I got to my late 20s, I was like, oh, it's not that serious.

It's not that deep.

And we shouldn't be pitching women against women.

And now Like, I'm pretty much in female spaces all the time.

I love being around other women.

Pink is my signature color.

Everything is pink.

I was gonna say anyone who's listening and not watching the video, you have pink on your microphone.

Your shirt is kind of a pink lilac.

You have blonde in your hair.

Yes.

I'm embracing all of the things that I used to be so scared of.

I wanted so much to, like, stand out.

And I was listening to alternative bands and wearing dark colors in middle school and high school, and I didn't really want to.

To be super feminine.

It's funny, because if anyone knows me now, they know that it's just, like, not who I am.

Like, I am super feminine, super girly, super pink.

I always have blonde hair, and I love it.

I feel like I'm so much happier because I don't view other women as competition.

And, you know, collaboration over competition is something we say all the time, and they're definitely big buzzwords right now.

I'll even find people online saying, like, oh, well, I don't want to hear collaboration over competition.

Like, it's overused.

And I'm like, well, you have to practice it.

You can't just say it.

You have to practice it in what you're doing.

I talk about it all the time with my girls on, like, what that actually looks like.

What does it actually mean to focus on collaboration over competition?

And how do we practice that in all of our events, in everything we do?

And it truly is just being kind and not realizing that everyone in the room is against you or your competition.

It relates with a lot to my networking group because there are a lot of networking groups in the Woodlands.

Kind of an absurd amount, especially, like, compared to, like, even Austin.

I moved here, and I'm like, whoa.

There are networking groups everywhere, and almost all of them, like, you have one seat for a real estate agent, one seat for an insurance agent, one seat for, like, it's all by seats.

Well, in our networking group, we don't do that because I'm a firm believer that we're going to attract the clients that.

That we attract, and we're going to work with the people that we're most aligned with.

And that's another way we really focus on collaboration over competition, because I'm like, how can I work with this other agent who most people would be scared of doing that?

Or maybe not most people, but a lot of people would be scared of doing that, where it's like, how do I see it?

As a bonus, I've now formed community with this other real estate agent to be like, how can we support each other?

How can we be friends or be each other's support system rather than each other's competition?

Because there's enough business to go around and the scarcity mindset is going to make it harder for us to accept that.

I can go on and on about that for so long because I talk a lot about transactional networking versus relationship networking.

How do we focus on relationship networking versus transactional networking?

Because if we're always expecting something in the same way that I talk about your expectations coming into a social group.

Same with networking groups.

If you're coming in thinking, I'm going to go to this networking group, I'm going to get clients, or I'm going to get immediate referrals, or I'm going to be the only agent in the room and everyone's going to give me business.

That mindset's not going to get you anywhere.

It is just going to turn people off.

And if you come in being like, I want to build genuine community and relationships with people.

I want people to get to know me and know who my ideal client is and know that I'm different from this other real estate agent because this is how I do business, that will set you up for success.

More so in the long run than always thinking, I have to be the only real estate agent.

There can't be any other ones in the room that's not gonna get you anywhere.

I feel like we've gone full circle in, like, five different ways.

And I'm like, so scared I'm gonna forget them all before I say them.

But in one way it is.

If you're operating from this scarcity mindset, this, there's not enough to go around.

I can be the only one of me in the room.

You're going to be lonely.

It's probably, if you're feeling that way, a good place to just stop up and spend some time with yourself, thinking that through.

Which brings me back to the other full circle moment, which is in your own journey, how you analyzed your life.

And you're like, okay, great.

I don't want my life to continue to look like this.

And it started in your mind.

It started with your mindset.

I have to shift, I have to change.

And everything we've talked about, it really is.

All of this starts in the way that you're perceiving the world around you and the stories that you're telling yourself.

Is there room for two real estate agents or 10 in the room that you're in?

Or are you so scared that you have to be the only one that you're unwilling to make those relationships?

Or are you so scared of feeling uncomfortable?

Oh, no, I can't do that.

I'm going to be uncomfortable.

Or are you embracing it and being like, you know what?

Every single day, every single week, I'm going to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable because that's actually going to lead me to a life I love.

And everything we've talked about really comes back to you get to decide how you see your world and your perception and the story you're telling yourself.

So what is it that you are telling yourself?

And maybe what is holding you back is right up here pointing to my brain, guys.

Yep.

And even when sometimes people will talk to me about different dynamics or someone was rude to them, or even outside of an event, a girl in the group was rude to them, I'm always telling people, I'm like, it is almost never about you.

It is never personal.

It's something going on in their own brain.

Because we as humans project.

It's all about the stories we tell ourselves.

And so if you feel like something isn't going the way that you thought it would be, or if you feel like someone's mad at you, a lot of times you just have to have those uncomfortable conversations.

It's just really not as deep as we think it is almost all of the time.

Like you said earlier, no one is thinking about you.

We are thinking about ourselves.

Okay, before we wrap up, I do want to ask you about something else.

Pretty Chatty Girls, tell me.

Yes.

So Pretty Chatty Girls is a podcast that I am launching.

It will be launched by the time this comes out with one of my best friends, Savannah.

She is someone that I've met through the group, and it's one of those friendships like you meet and you just click and you just get it and you're like, okay.

Wow.

Like, I connect with this person so much.

And we have played around with a few episodes, and we're really excited to launch.

And at first was really thinking I would be making this podcast about community, and I definitely think we will talk about community in it and we'll talk about all the different things that we do with all the events that we host and all of the fun things, but it's really kind of about things we're obsessed with.

That's this really what it is.

Like, what can we yap about this week and just be girls and embrace who we are and embrace the things that we love and just yap and have a good time.

And one thing that I love about Savannah is we're all about just, like, having fun and just having a good time.

And I think it comes through in our content and our podcast, and I'm super excited to see where it goes.

I'm super excited to listen.

I truly love business podcasts.

Like, that's what I listen to most of the time, but sometimes I just want to hear other people having a good time, and I'm like, I'm hanging out with my friends.

I was telling you about Giggly Squad, and it's like, yeah, when I just need to have something light and fun on in the background.

And to be fair, that's what I try to have.

Becoming obsessed be where it's more this place where you're hanging out than it is this place where you're learning, growing, getting better, stronger, faster, having to be better in any way.

And so I'm very excited for you to launch and to listen to Pretty chatty Girls.

Awesome.

Thank you.

With that in mind, what is the best way for somebody to get into your world and connect with you, whether they're in the Woodlands or anywhere else in the world?

So I feel like I'm most active on Instagram.

Instagram is where I'm at.

At Alanna strong with two GS.

At Alanna strong was.

And then at the Woodlands Women's Collective.

And we're on Facebook, we're on Instagram, and Tick Tock.

We're constantly doing different events.

And, I mean, if you're a woman in the North Houston area looking for friends, we're hosting events all the time.

So if you look us up, I'm sure you'll find something to come hang out with us at.

Okay, final questions.

When it comes to entertainment education, what are you obsessed with?

Listening to, watching, reading?

My obsessions are reality tv.

I love reality tv.

But, like, my favorites specifically are Big Brother and Survivor.

Wait.

Okay.

All right.

This is gonna be another hour long.

I hope you have time.

Are you watching season 50?

Yes.

Yeah.

In fact, that was, like, what Savannah and I mostly talked about in our first episode.

So you're gonna have to listen.

Oh, my God.

Let me on the podcast.

I will come yap about Survivor.

So we actually.

We were in Alabama a few weeks ago, and we literally saw Jonathan at Walmart.

Yeah.

Huh.

Same, but very different.

This person I know was just showing me their video portfolio for events, and he showed me a video that happened here in Omaha, and it was Actually a real estate conference.

And he's showing me this video of the conference, and Q is on stage speaking in Omaha, and I'm supposed to be looking at this production quality.

And I was like, no, no, no, sir, you do not understand.

That's Q. I literally just said, that's Q.

He was in Omaha where.

When my brain broke because I was so pissed that he was here and I didn't get to see him.

Yep.

Well, and we were upset because, like, I saw him this was a few weeks ago, and I actually never saw Jonathan's first season.

I need to, like, go watch it now.

But I was walking, and he was, you know, dressed like a normal human.

And I'm like, oh, who is that?

Do I know him?

And I, like, go up to Savannah.

And she was like, was that Jonathan from Survivor?

And I was like, yes.

Yes, it was.

And I'm like, we should have been like, hey.

But we didn't.

And we just saw him casually.

But season 50 is so good.

The episode this past week was so good.

I am just loving season 50.

I have a different take.

Take.

Oh, I have a different take.

So there's gonna be no spoilers, guys.

If you haven't seen season 50 or Survivor, go watch Survivor.

Do not start with season 50.

Go literally search the Internet.

Best seasons of Survivor.

It's gonna be, like, cogy on.

Start with that one.

Go down the list.

Don't start with season one.

Okay, that's my disclaimer.

Last week's episode of the Boy Gang of the Infuriating Men Child patriarchal.

Okay.

I was cussing the TV out to a point where I was literally like, I don't speak like this anywhere to anyone ever, and I am destroying these people on tv.

Oh, yeah.

It made me question myself a little bit.

But I watched it last night, so I didn't watch it on Wednesday.

And Coach going home.

I can breathe again.

Because I honestly, after last week's episode, I was like, I don't like my favorite show anymore.

Okay.

I'm very anti patriarchy as well.

And it just felt I was like, these men are acting like they have honor and integrity, and then they don't, and then it's this stupid double standard.

And then they're also, like, gaslighting and patronizing all of the women.

And the women this season, like, always are not getting a good edit.

And I literally have told my friends that I have decided to apply for Survivor, so stay tuned.

Oh, my gosh.

Yes.

But I was literally like, I'm gonna have to Apply.

And in my video, I'm gonna be like, okay.

By the way, Jess and Mark work.

I hate you now.

So I have to apply now because I might be done with this franchise by the end of the season.

Luckily, I haven't done that yet.

Luckily, Coach got voted off.

So I feel a little bit better about the edit.

But if a woman does not win this season, that's the only way this edit will be okay in my book.

I will say.

I mean, obviously, I'm fully there.

I'm in a group of 10,000 women.

Yeah, you're like, you get it.

I'm always rooting for women.

I'm for the girls.

But, like, my favorite three right now are the Rizzo, Siree and Ozzy trio are like my top cerise.

Rizzo of Oz.

I'm here for it.

I'm here for it.

I also really love Christian.

I love him and I love Aubry, but she's not getting a good edit.

She's not.

And Emily is getting a shit at it as well.

Yeah, I feel like Emily's playing a bad game, though.

Okay, two things.

One, did you see Christian's pre game interview where he says the typecast of the entire cast?

Yes, that was the most incredible thing I've ever seen.

I love him.

And then two, did you see Angelina's exit interview?

One of them.

I've only seen clips on my socials talking about Emily's edit.

Oh, no.

So when Angelina went home, the episode she went home and the episode before made it seem like Emily, every time somebody tells her something, she goes and spills the beans to everybody else without wanting to.

And that to me, I'm like, everyone stopped telling her stuff.

Why is she playing this way?

She's really smart.

Why is she playing this way?

Angelina literally in her exit interview was like, after it aired or whatever.

I don't know.

However it was works was like, they're giving her a terrible edit.

She was the one masterminding everything on that beach and masterminding Christian, not Christian basically pulling her along like a puppy.

And the other thing that I think is interesting and I'd like your take on is this season, it is all returning players.

And I feel like week after week, up until, you know, Angela and I was okay if she got sent home.

But week after week, with Q going home and Mike White going home, it just felt like, as the players should, they were sending the best players home.

But as a viewer, I was like, no, please don't send them home.

I want more Q. I want more Mike White.

Yeah.

I would have loved more Mike White.

I was sad to see him go, but I understand why it happened, and I really love.

There's a podcast called Game of Roses.

I don't know if you've heard of it.

It's a Bachelor podcast, actually, which I haven't watched a lot of Bachelor in recent years, but I grew up watch watching it.

Like, I did not grow up watching Survivor or Big Brother.

I got into them in the past five years, so I'm newer to those franchises.

But I have been watching Bachelor for a long time, and I've been listening to Game of Roses for a long time, and it talks a lot about reality TV edits.

And that's, like, a lot of what the podcast talks about and gameplay, and it talks about how the Bachelor is a sport and how all these people like doing things to get more screen time and doing things for the edit and.

And giving them scores.

And so now I almost feel like I view a lot of reality TV from a different lens, and my husband hates it because I'm like, oh, I can tell based on the edit, this person's going home.

Or like, I can tell based on these things, like, this is what's going to happen.

I don't like Coach at all.

And I completely agree with your take, especially this season.

Like, the whole honor and integrity thing was such bull because I'm like, dude, you are not playing with honor and integrity.

But then there's a part of me that is like, this is such good tv.

I would love to stay him.

Have him on a little longer.

And it's, like, very frustrating.

But, like, I love the frustrating pie people in reality shows because I'm like, they're giving us good tv.

They're giving us the drama.

His whole, like, inviting Rizzo into the Four Horsemen, I'm like, no, like, you're awful, but I love it.

And them, like, literally sending Rizzo to go, calm down, coach.

And when he's like, we don't slay dragons at camp, we slay dragons at Tribal, I was like, rizzo is Riz.

God.

Like, I get the name.

It's deserving.

I love Rizzo.

I want a woman to win.

But as Rizzo said, he's not for the guys.

He's for the girls.

So, like, he counts.

Oh, I want Rizzo to win.

I'm like, fully like, team Rizzo to win.

I just think that would be so iconic, too, to have this, like, young kid who, like, no one knows.

Like, no one has seen his season.

He's like, the only unknown for all of them, and he is playing them all so hard, and I just love it.

And I loved him on last season.

I didn't like him in the beginning of 49, but, like, as the season went on, I was like, oh, this kid was.

Kid is smart and he's playing a good game, and he is obviously such a good fan of Survivor that he knows what we want as viewers.

He knows how to play the game.

He knows how to manipulate.

And the strategy side of Survivor is what I love so much.

So I love that he's with Surrey too.

Like, Surrey is, like, top of my.

Like, I love Surrey, so I just.

I love them.

I would love for three to finally win too.

No, I know.

Me too.

I think it would just be, like.

Like, terrible if people let her.

Like, they shouldn't.

You know what I mean?

It would feel like it was faked.

But I will say I agree with you on what you're saying about Coach makes for great tv.

I'm so glad he's gone.

But I mean, whatever they were trying to do, like, Jeff, Mark, like, whatever you were trying to do with Coach, you did it.

Because I was cussing the TV out for two episodes straight.

I was literally like, I'm done with this show.

If Coach stays, I'm done.

Like, that's what you want.

That's what you want.

You want people to be that involved.

I literally almost posted on my story, like, hate mail to Coach.

Like, I almost did.

And then I was like, okay, no, I'm not that okay.

We got calm down.

Yeah.

I think we were all upset that Colby went home over Coach.

Did you see the outtakes from that?

Like, the exit interviews?

So when they go to tribal, they always get a med check before going to tribal.

And he actually had a second injury and he was gonna get pulled.

He was like, no, no, I promise I'm gonna get voted out.

And they basically didn't pull him so that he could get voted out.

He had an infection in his foot or something as well.

That was, like, too bad.

Wow.

I know.

The behind the scenes.

I love it and I hate it, but yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

As soon as you said Survivor, I was like, I'm in.

Okay.

Do you watch Traders at all?

I love Traders.

Traders is one of my favorites.

I love it so much.

My hot take on it is.

I'm very excited for where it's heading.

I think it's gonna get really good in, like, three to five seasons.

The first seasons are really shit.

Entertaining.

Great TV challenges are so pointless.

It's so undeveloped in the beginning that I can't wait for, like, season 10 to be like, okay, finally they figured it out.

So, because there are bachelor players on Traders, the Game of Roses podcast reviews that as well, and he gives a lot of good ideas on, like, what they could do to make the challenges mean.

Like, right now, there's a lot of pointless things happening, and there's a lot of people that just vote off people they don't like because they don't like them.

And they're like, it's actually not really beneficial to always get out a trader because there's no benefit of it because they'll just add more traders.

So, like, if you kind of know who you think it is, just get out someone you don't like and then continue going with the game.

And I'm like, okay, that does make sense.

Because sometimes I'm like, why are they voting this person out?

And it's because they all can't stand them.

Well, and I will say again, the producers, they try to ruin shows for me.

I. I'm personally attacked by them.

I will say traders, this last season of us, they had some of the worst humans casted.

Yeah, I agree.

Like, they literally pulled bad humans who, yes, reality TV stars, but bad humans.

And I'm like, I don't want to give these people a platform.

Like, I don't want to watch.

And so.

So we've actually switched now.

Of course, all of the US Ones we've watched, but I've switched to the uk.

UK one is good.

It's good.

I feel like it's better.

That's my hot take.

And a lot of my friends don't agree because they're like, oh, I like watching the celebrities.

And I'm like, I mean, it's fun, but the UK one is better.

There's more strategy.

It's seeing real people do these things.

And I'm excited for the UK US Real people version.

I did audition for it.

I did not get, obviously, oh, my.

God, do it again addition again.

Wait, we need to, like, both apply for Survivor.

I don't know if I can do the sand girl.

Okay.

The reason I haven't applied yet is because I hate being cold and wet with no way out.

And I have lived in a jungle before, but, like, 28 days.

It's only 28 days.

I can do it.

I can do it.

Oh, God.

We'll see.

Tbd.

Tbd.

Thank you so much for geeking out on Survivor with me, but also sharing all of Your wisdom about community and helping us to navigate what it is to have a community Verse.

Friendships.

Verse.

Sitting at home and hating our lives versus taking ownership and creating a life we love.

Yeah.

I mean, that's truly what it's about at the end of the day is like finding your people being happy with your life.

Life is too short to sit around hating it.

You heard it here first.

Life is too short to sit around hating it.

And you are still listening, which means join the conversation.

Don't just sit over there.

Come join our room.

Send me a DM on Becoming Obsessed Pod on Instagram or a voice note.

Tell me what part of this really resonated with you, and then share this episode with a friend.

Maybe a friend who loves Survivor or that you're trying to convince to watch Survivor with you.

Wink, wink.

Literally sending to my friends right now.

I've gotten a lot of them, actually.

I will say to watch Survivor and then send this to a friend.

Rate interview.

It helps us get this out to more people.

And this is such a good episode to send because we're talking about friendship and community and the people that are around you, and that takes work.

All right, y', all, let's go get obsessed.

You're still listening, which means this episode connected with you.

And I want to know how.

How?

Send me a DM on Instagram Becoming Obsessed Pod.

Then send this episode to a friend.

If you know someone who is building a life that they love or they're feeling a little stuck and might just need a nudge, send this to them.

Then rate and review, because it also helps us get the word out.

And as you know, we're on a mission for more people to live a life they truly love.

All right, let's go get obsessed.

I.