Jill and Mary of Girls Mentorship are back! We’re continuing our conversation and talking about specific tools and strategies for supporting and raising teen and tween girls. (If you missed part 1, be sure to check it out.) And even though Jill and Mary focus their work on girls, these are great tips no matter the gender of your child.

You’ll Learn:

• The pitfalls of labeling all negative interactions as "bullying"
• Times when your daughter might need extra support
• 4 tips for raising teen & tween girls
• Simple talking points for digital safety & responsibility

Join us as we dive into which situations might require a little extra support for your daughter, strategies for supporting your teen or tween girl, and other resources that can help.

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Why Parents Seek Support 

A lot of people are resistant to needing help outside of the household. It truly takes a village, and it is okay to have a community of people to raise your children. It doesn't need to be one person at a time, and getting support doesn't say anything negative about your parenting. In fact, seeking out services shows that you care about your child’s wellbeing and success - not just on paper, but in life. 

It’s normal to notice changes in your kid in the teen and tween years. They’re going to spend more time in their room. They might roll their eyes or slam the door a little more. These things are somewhat expected. So how do you know when you and your daughter might need a little extra help?

Jill says that transitional periods are often when parents seek out their coaching and mentoring services. For example, the jump from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school. During these times, parents often want to make sure their kids have the skills to handle themselves in these new environments. 

And Mary adds that these transitions are even more challenging when there’s friend drama involved (also super common at this age). We’re talking cattiness, gossip, backstabbing, being left out, etc. 

She says, “As parents, we expect our kids to understand how to navigate social situations or what to do at certain chapters of their life, and that's simply not true. We have to be able to teach them these things for them to be able to understand and know them. On the other side of that, we have to give them space to practice and not jump in to try to solve.”

A certain amount of conflict is a normal part of life. Arguments with friends, make-ups, break-ups, and even name-calling are a part of growing up. These situations give our kids a chance to learn how to work through conflict in a healthy way. 

Finally, parents seek out Mary and Jill’s support when they are in an emergency situation - their child is severely depressed, maybe even having suicidal ideations - and nothing else has worked. 

Friendship issues, disordered eating, conflict, isolation, or pulling back from activities they used to love are all issues that Mary and Jill see a lot of in their coaching practice and programs. Their ultimate goal? To help girls become the brightest, most authentic versions of themselves. 

Tips for Raising Teen & Tween Girls

Things like self-awareness, conflict resolution, and emotional health are all skills that can be learned. And learning them at a young age sets girls up for better experiences now and as an adult.

In our society, we’ve lost places where kids are mentored and get the opportunity to learn and practice these skills. Schools are not equipped to do this work (nor should they). There’s not room for all of the emotional parts and needs of our kids. Organizations like Girls Mentorship help to fill that gap by teaching these valuable life skills to girls and their parents. 

Mary says that they start every program with self-awareness and the power of perspective. Here are a few of their favorite tools and strategies.

Do a Temp Check

Mary and Jill have every participant in their programs do a temp check when they arrive. Basically, on a scale of 1 to 5, how are they feeling when they walk in the room? 1 is pretty lousy, 5 is ready to go! This gives the kids better self-awareness of how they’re feeling and allows the adult to acknowledge how they’re feeling, talk to them about it, and ask them what they need. 

Then, at the end of the session or activity, they do a check-out on the same scale. Are they feeling better than when they walked in? Why or why not?

Mary says, “It's just that simple acknowledgment. It's being seen, heard, loved, and valued for how we're feeling in the moment,” that our kids don’t often get as they’re busy moving from one class or activity to another. 

Practicing this teaches kids to check in with themselves and recognize how they’re feeling and whether they’re showing up as their best selves. Try it when your kid leaves for school in the morning and comes back home. Or when they get home and again before they go to bed.

The Circle of Control

Jill says, “There are things that are in your control and things that aren't in your control.” If you realize that something is bothering you, but you have no control over it, you can put it on the shelf for a little while and pour back into yourself (or allow other people to pour into you).

Some check-in questions that can help with this are:

• What do I need to do now?
• Can I make this moment okay?
• What can I put a pin in or circle back to later?

This isn’t avoidance. It’s taking care of ourselves in the moment and coming back to process things when we are able. 

Mary adds, “We can't expect people to change our situation for us, but we can have the expectation that people can contribute.” 

It’s true that teens and tweens often don’t have a ton of agency, so Mary and Jill like to help them see where they DO have control in their lives and the responsibility that comes with that agency. 

Mary shared an example from their summer camp:

“If something in this conversation that we're having is heavy for you, feel free to get up, step outside for a moment, take a deep breath, get a drink of water. But you are also expected to come back into the room. And if you need to have a conversation with somebody about it, pull one of us aside. There's Jill, there's I, there's other camp counselors here who have been prepped and ready to hold space for you.”

Let Them Borrow Your Belief

Sometimes, we need someone else to lift us up or to show us what we’re capable of. You can be this person for your child.

For parents, this can look like showing up in your highest energy so that your child can borrow your energy, positivity, and belief when they need it. Or it can look like a calm, peaceful energy. 

Your teen or tween needs to borrow your nervous system way more than you realize. Working on regulating your own emotions and thoughts, like we do in the Calm Mama Club, helps you to stay in a good space so that you can show up for your kid in the way that they need.

Digital Education

The challenges of the teen and tween years have become even more complicated since our kids are growing up online. They need to understand that they have an identity, both in-person and online, and that they need to be aware of how they present themselves in both settings. 

Because they’re behind a screen, kids often feel safer online, but this isn’t really the case. Mary says, “They feel like they can communicate with more people, and they have more friends than they do in person, which also hinders their in person friendships and relationships.”

The data is clear. The use of social media apps comes with an increase in anxiety, depression, and plenty of other negative consequences. And very few of us feel equipped to teach our kids in this area, but it is so important. What you talk about can be super basic. 

Mary says that they talk to girls about their digital footprint and the fact that anything online is out there forever. Even if you think that message disappears, it can always be revived. They also talk about their safety online and why their safety matters. It’s talking about the way they can be perceived based on things they say or post. That nothing is ever truly anonymous. 

When asked if they were ever jealous of the girls in their programs for having these resources available to them, Jill responded, “No. Honestly, we became who we needed. And that is the most rewarding and beautiful position to be in. It’s an honor. It’s a privilege to show girls that their voice matters, that they matter.”

Mary adds that they get to use mistakes from their own pasts as an example. Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids are so afraid to put themselves out there. She says, “They are scared to go full force into what they love or to put themselves out there in a way that might be perceived as stupid by someone else,” and the permanence of the internet makes it even scarier. 

Mary and Jill love that they can talk about times they messed up without any guilt or shame and show girls that “you either win or you learn”. 

Connect with Girls Mentorship:

• The Girls Mentorship summer camp is open to ages 10 to 13, and their peer leader program is available to high schoolers ages 14 to 18. Learn more here. 
• To learn about other individual coaching with Girls Mentorship, visit their website at https://www.girlsmentorship.com
• Follow Jill & Mary on Instagram @girlsmentorship  

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Welcome back to Become a Calm Mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlene

Childress, and I'm a life and parenting coach. And on

this episode, this is a part two of an interview

I did with Jill and Mary of Girls Mentorship. They

are also coaches for teen and tween girls.

And in this conversation, this is an extension of our

part one. And in this episode, we're talking specific

tools and strategies and ways that you can

practically support your teen or tween girl. And,

honestly, I think all of these tips are really good if you

have any gender of kid or non gendered kid or whatever it is.

But Mary and Jill primarily work with girls, and they are

incredible. And their summer camp, we talk a lot about it because I really deeply

believe it's one of the best things out there for young women to

participate in. It's a day camp in the

Scottsdale Phoenix area in the month of June. You can sign up for

one week at a time. And I just think it's so

great. So please enjoy part two of teen and

tween girls with Jill and Mary of girls mentorship.

So introduce yourself, introduce your program. You're gonna hear two voices.

The first one is Mary, and I am sitting here with my best

friend and my business partner. Hi, everyone. I'm Jill.

Perfect. And we're the cofounders of a company called Girls Mentorship.

We teach life and personal development skills to

tween and teen girls. What are some of the things that drive a parent to

come seek out your programs? Like, what what are those little

hints or maybe they're big hints of, like, our kid isn't

doing so great. Our girl is like you said, she changed. Like, something's going on,

which can be also developmental. Mhmm. They don't wanna scare everybody. Like Right. No.

Yeah. You're 10. Can your your 11 year old, 12 year old's gonna spend more

time in the room. They might roll their eyes a little bit more. They might

slam the door a little bit more. Mhmm. That doesn't mean they're, like, suicidal.

Like, I think sometimes that's what I mean. We pathologize a little bit of this

very rude behavior. Right. But there are signs

that girls might need some support. Yeah. A couple of them because I know

Mare has some that she's gonna share as well, but those transitional

periods is when parents seek us out. So depending

on, like, the school system is, sometimes if it's that jump

from fifth to middle school, or if it's from

sixth grade, if sixth grade is still considered elementary school, it's that

sixth to seventh grade jump then. But definitely that middle

school developmental period is when parents are

like, I just wanna make sure that she like,

she's been contained in this safe elementary

environment, and now she's like, we're entering, like, the zoo, essentially.

Like, we wanna make sure that she's well equipped and that she can

handle herself in a new environment, around new

people. Things are going to be probably bigger for

her, so we want to equip her with those type of skills and tools.

Yeah. That's good. Just those transitional times. It's so important.

Mhmm. And I think the precursor to the transition and wanting to make

sure that she's well equipped while entering a larger school

district system, more classmates, is friendship drama. Mhmm.

They're already starting to see the cattiness, the gossip, the

backstabbing. Depending on how early some of

them have gotten cell phones, group texts are a a

real a real bugger for a lot of families. Mhmm.

They typically blow up in girls' faces. If somebody's not

included, god forbid, somebody's not tagged in

in a post or included in a snap Snapchat streak.

Like, those things can be really, really detrimental at a young

age to their self esteem and then how they see themselves. So

coupled with that transition can be just a recipe for disaster.

Mhmm. Friends' transitions. I mean, we get messages like this from

parents a lot. It's she just got back from a high

school retreat and shared with her mom and I that she feels

awkward and doesn't know how to have conversations. It was heartbreaking. Right?

I think a lot of the times as parents, we also expect our

kids to understand how to navigate social situations

or what to do at certain chapters of their life, and that's simply

not true. We have to be able to teach them these

things for them to be able to understand and know them.

On the other side of that, we have to give them space to practice and

not jump in to try to solve. Because the other thing

that we see is, I think, bullying has

become a really big buzzword, around just how children

get treated. We don't love seeing friendship debacles or

breakups or cattiness or or backstabbing in any way, shape, or form,

but there is a huge difference between someone getting intentionally

bullied and conflict. Typical friendship

drama, breakups, makeups, that's conflict.

Yes, name calling, things like that, that is still conflict, and

it gives our children an option or an opportunity to

work through that conflict in a healthy way. But

we have gotten really akin to resorting to

everything is bullying. My child is being bullied.

Bullying is the the definition of bullying is

very different than the definition of conflict, and it

takes away from children who are actually being bullied.

Now the online forum is a little different in terms of how

people can attack others, so we need to be careful

and prepare our kids for their online persona

just as much as we do their in person persona. That

sucks to say because we feel like those two things should be the same, but

the fact is kids have a different identity online than they do

in person. They're safe. They feel safer online behind a screen. They feel

like they can communicate with more people, and they have more friends than they do

in person, which also hinders their in person friendships and

relationships. And they have the ability to quit. It's like, oh, I don't like

this thing. See you later. I'm out of here. I'm quitting. And then

in real life, you can't do that. So it's much easier to do that

online. And then finally, the last block someone online. Totally. Just

Yeah. Leave this yeah, block them, basically. Just leave this

conversation or avoid it. And then, yeah, in real life, that's a lot more

challenging. And then the last thing that parents really seek us out

for is that 911 When it has gotten that

bad or if there has been any

suicidal ideations or there's just I mean,

the the the depression is so severe that they're

like, we literally don't know what else to do, and they've done

other modalities, whether it's through therapy, whether it's through

anything else. They're like, nothing's working, and maybe

coaching or mentorship can really support. So

then we'll step in and, and

and and offer a hand as well through whatever it is that that family

is going through and experiencing alongside the girl. Yeah.

So I would imagine some of the symptomatic behavior you'd see

would be, maybe school refusal possibly

because they're self conscious. They've had a conflict at school. They don't feel good.

You know? So they did, like, I'm not going. I'm not going. Right. Taking a

long time getting ready. I would see that. Could I could see that a clean

Yep. An indication. Right? Running really late, not feeling good, not being

able to get out the door till the hair is right, the makeup's right, the

whatever. Yeah. All of it. Say something, Mary? I was just gonna say

I used to take a really long time to get ready.

It was that external validation. I guess I didn't see that as a

refusal. Like, it was just dragging my feet. You know? Well,

you did say socialize more than go to school. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You also did say that one of your traits is

procrastination at times. So can you Absolutely. A little bit more, like A little bit

of that. A mind management issue more than a crisis. Right. And that's the other

thing that's so good to notice is that just because your daughter

isn't necessarily going to getting ready on time, it

doesn't indicate a self esteem crisis. It could just

be maybe some distraction, maybe Yeah. Sleepiness.

You know, who knows? All of it. Yes. What's actually the root cause of

it? Right. Right. I would imagine eating issues

come up a lot in your work, you know, just the restriction

Mhmm. And, you know, that kind of world

of eating disordered eating and eating disorders. Yeah. I still do

my practice quite a bit. The the friendship stuff too, where it was

like she was so she had so many friends and then

her friend group change. And now there's just a lot of conflict, and now

she's very isolated, like, a lot of isolation. Right.

Not wanting to go out. Right. Where she used to be so

she was involved in this, that, and the other, and now she just wants to

quit everything, and she doesn't wanna do anything.

Definitely more removed from her social

circles than than normal. Quitting sports, quitting drama,

quitting, whatever the part the different things.

And, you know, the big question was when you're an

adolescent is, like, who am I? And then you kind of the things

that made sense when you were a little kid that maybe someone gave to you,

like, you play soccer, you are in the drama team or whatever,

you know, the clubs and stuff. Maybe that's something you wanna try not

having and exploring. Is this is this who I am without am I

who am I without it? I there's some exploration necessary

at this age, and,

and that is okay. But when

we we start to get worried, yeah, if they start to kind of pull back

from life and, you know, disconnect from their

social world. Mhmm. And

parents are always really curious

of doing too much. It's like, okay. Well, she's in therapy, and then we also

have her with a psychologist and a this and a that. And then now is

this too much for for us to add more to her plate?

And we just like to say that it takes a village

raising a child, and every child is going to be different. And

who are we to tell you what your child is

like? You know that child better than anyone. And if

you think all of these people coming together to work in unison to

make her better, then we're on board.

So it's like we we're not here to prescribe,

diagnose, nothing. Our job is to just

be a space to say, okay. We are here and now, and let's

teach you the skills and the tools and and the strategies

to to get you through whatever it is that you're experiencing and just

to relate and to validate, to say, like, we in

some way, shape, or form, but between the two of us, we've

walked in in pretty much all of the girls' shoes

and not in their own experiences, but we can at least empathize to say

we see you, we get you, and we know it sucks. Like,

just to be like, man, it's hard. Mhmm. So that they can be like,

okay. These girls get me, and maybe I am ready to

to to put some action behind this to feel better.

So, yeah, I I just wanna, like, throw that out there if

parents are listening that it is okay to have a community of people to

raise your children. It doesn't need to be one Well, and that at a time

doesn't say anything about your parenting. Right? Yes. A lot of people take

offense to needing help or Right. Outside of the household. It's

like, you said it. It takes a village. It doesn't say anything

about how good or bad you are. We would actually say that

the child is either. Right. Yeah. We would actually say the opposite. The fact

that people seek our services out tell us how much they care about their

child's success. Mhmm. And not success on paper, success in

life. Well, let's talk a little bit about what you what

tools that you teach the girls. Like, I was looking at your website

and looking at the goals that you have set up, kind of where

where you wanna take a person, you know, take a young woman. And so kinda

thinking about the the goals, the skill gaps, and then the tools, and maybe,

like, one quick little tool that you would could give a

parent. You know? We start

every program with every subset of

girls, individual, or group, with self

awareness. So it's the power of perspective,

yours as well as others, because I'm not sure if anybody is living in

the same world that I am right now in 2025. We have a massive

issue with seeing things from other people's perspective, which

grossly limits our own, and it makes for heavier conflict

and quicker reactions. No response time, just

pure reactionary vitriol from both sides,

and that is so unfortunate for our children to be witnessing and growing up

in because they think that's the default. They think that's the correct

path. We start every program out with a solid

lesson on why self awareness and perspective is

so important. Because if you just

wake up, 8AM, the alarm goes off, you hit it, you get up, you do

your normal habitual things, and you go get

ready, and you go to school, and then you go to your job after school,

and you come home and you do homework, and you go to bed, and you

do the same thing every single day without ever checking in with

how you feel about those things, or recognizing and

saying hi to those feelings, then ten years is gonna pass, and

you're gonna look back and say, oh my God, what happened? Whoever It's almost like

you were asleep. Mhmm. It's almost if you don't pause and say,

like, hey, girl to yourself. And we are.

Half the population is. It's pretty scary. By the age of,

like, 27, your habits

are pretty much cemented. So if you're not actively

questioning the things you do or why you do them or the feelings that you

have and why you're feeling them, you are asleep. One of our other favorite

authors is Joe Dispenza, and he talks about the neural activity in your brain

at a level that you can really understand it and buy into it and

do things to help you not go with the

flow. And I'm not talking about the flow of other people. I'm talking about the

flow of your own life, because 90 to 95% of what we do

in a day is habitual, which means our body just runs the show.

Our mind can go into autopilot, and we know how to do the things that

we do. And the perfect example of this is when we first started to drive

a car. Right? You checked both side mirrors, you checked the the rear view

mirror, you just hit the seat. You hope your teen does all those things. Right.

Oh, gosh. I I did those things religiously for so long because

it was such a a great responsibility to be behind the wheel of a car.

Right? And now, god, I get in. I I don't know

what happened. Yeah. We don't even look to see there's a car behind us. When

I get in my car to when I get to my destination, and I know

so many of you can relate to the fact that you think of how do

they go there? Hell? Hell? Hell? Was there stop sign

there? Totally checked out. Yeah. Well, most accidents happen

within a mile of your home. They do. Yeah. They really do. See, I think

that's where you're the most comfortable and you're not really vigilant and paying attention.

Attention. Mhmm. So our lessons on self awareness

are foundational to the rest of our lessons, and the the

first thing we have kids do is check-in with us. So we have a scale.

It's called their temp check, a scale of one to five. How are you feeling

when you walk in this room? One, not so great, pretty

lousy. Five, I'm here, I'm ready to go. And then we have them

associate why, a feeling as to why. We do

this Read Across America thing every year with fourth, fifth, and

sixth graders, and we don't just get right into the book. We get into

who we are and why, and we have them do a temp check. And some

of them are, you know, it's in the morning before lunch, and some of them

are like, well, I'm tired. And I'm like, thanks for sharing that with me.

I'm hungry. Thanks for sharing that with us. Because do you think

that if your tummy is grumbling, and you're thinking about what

you packed for lunch, you're gonna be able to tune in to what I'm saying?

And they're like, no. And I'm like, exactly. So now that we've

acknowledged it and we've talked about it, I stand to gain a little

bit more of your attention because we've we know it, and

I'm not making you wrong for it, and you shouldn't make yourself wrong for

it, but you can acknowledge it in the moment and then ask what you need.

Maybe it's a drink of water to help placate some of that hunger that you're

feeling, or maybe you need to take a bite of your snack in order to

feel like you can pay better attention to me. We wanna work with kids in

order for them to feel their best in the moment with us and

then be able to check out. So we do a check-in and we do a

check out. Are you feeling better than when you walked in and

why? And so much of the time, it's just that simple acknowledgment. It's

being seen, heard, loved, and valued for how we're feeling in the moment,

But we don't give our kids the skills and tools enough to be able to

check-in with themselves. You're supposed to be here by eight. Get out the door by

30. You need to be in this class by nine. You've got a test to

take at 09:30. You've got a study part right? We give them all

the directives and the how tos, but we don't tell them that they

need to check-in with themselves, and I think that's a huge miss. Yeah.

It really is. It's so important. Mhmm. Well, and it's cool because we're what

we're teaching kids to do by doing that is are

you showing up as your best self? And sometimes

we're not expecting you to not have sad and bad days.

But maybe you did just have a friendship fight,

and now we're asking you to pay attention for the next hour, and your mind

is racing, and you're not showing up as your best self. Mhmm. You're overwhelmed.

You're frustrated. You're sad. But you're you're

acknowledging it in this moment, and there's nothing we can do because one of our

other favorite tools to teach kids is the circle of control.

The things that are in your control and the things that aren't

in your control. So although your mind is caught up

in the friend stuff, we're gonna just shelf it for the next

hour, and we want you to be here so that you

can pour back into yourself because you just exerted a lot of

energy into that friendship, that fight, and

now you're depleting more energy by continuing to think about it.

So how do we, as a community, pour back into you And

whether you participate by just being here and being open,

or you pair share with the girl next to you, and

she makes you laugh and giggle, and all of a sudden, it's like right? Her

little self esteem is getting back, and she's like, oh, my gosh. I feel

better. So even though she just come off of that that fight with

a friend, she checked in, and now she's leaving even a

little bit higher because she did the work. She did

the work, and not only herself, but also we acknowledge

that other people can pour into you

if you're open to it. Like, you can borrow somebody else's belief.

Jill and I do our best to walk into every room at our highest

energy, right, because we use this tool. We use the temp

check on ourselves. What do we need in this moment? And it is our duty

to give girls our top tier energy, and that's one of the things

feedback wise that we walk away with a lot is, I feel better because you

guys were energetic. Yeah. You gave me what we

needed. And I think that's a really cool call out too because we can't expect

people to change our situation for us, but we can have the

expectation that people can contribute. And how much they can take care

of. Amygdalas talk to amygdalas. So if you have, like, a calm,

peaceful amygdala and that like, whichever is I would say,

like, the strongest amygdala wins in a room. And so you've been

working on your nervous system and you're, like, really in this good space.

You're ready to show up and then you have

the strongest nervous system. So everyone can borrow yours and they can, you know,

feed off of it. And that's really good for parents to

understand that in many ways, your teen needs to

borrow your nervous system a lot. Like Mhmm. They don't want

to get in the car possibly and talk all about the

test and or, like, did you talk to your friend about what happened yesterday, like

the gossip, the dig? You know? It's like, this is a

place of peace. Come in and just be, and you

don't have to prove anything or demonstrate anything or something.

Right. Right. I think it's worth notating too that these

skills that are learned that can be learned at this age are super

helpful, and I will reiterate this, like, I already have, into

adulthood. Right? Because this is where we set boundaries. This is if

we're frazzled and we've had a really jam packed day and one of our friends

invites us out, we learn how to say no because if we show up and

we're frazzled, we're gonna ruin everyone else's experience. I

know that if I'm burnt out based on the fact that I've worked really hard

for the last five days, I don't wanna say yes to weekend plans because

it's going to continue to drain me. And I'm

probably going to show up as a bitch, I'm going to leave as a bitch,

and I'm going to have this experience where everybody else perceived me as the bitch

I showed up as, and that's not what I want in any way, shape, or

form. So listening to how I'm feeling,

what I'm feeling, and navigating that and acting appropriately

helps me and everyone else in my life as an adult.

Yeah. The attention to what I get to say yes to and what do I

get to say no to. A lot of these young girls, they go

through really hard social things, you know, they're in their head,

they're feeling self conscious, and they're sit down

in math class or, you know, they're it's time

to, like, listen to the soccer coach kinda drill into you and tell you

all the stuff that you guys didn't do last week at the game. I don't

know. There's a lot of influences and you don't get to just be like, you

know what? I got a long and a five days. I mean, they don't feel

like they have a ton of agency, and sometimes we don't get to say no

to certain stuff. But I love that circle of control because

and the shelving it. What do I need to do now? Can I

make this moment okay? What can I put a pin in or

circle back to later? It's It's like the circle of control and the circle

back of control or something. Learning

to toggle that is so

hard. And what a gift to give

that to young women to learn. It's not

compartmentalizing in a negative way. It really is

resilience. Like, I'm struggling. I'm in pain.

And I wanna also set future me up

by doing well on this math test. And so how can

I take care of me now or

promise? I do this a lot myself. Promise I'm gonna take care of you

later. Mhmm. I'll give room for this

pain, but not now. And I

think we get scared because the older generations were

like, shove it down, get it together. The mouth test is the most

important thing. And really it's it's not either or. It's not

one or the other. It's not one or the other. Like, I get to say

I'm full right now and I don't wanna do something,

or I can't think about that right now, but I'm gonna come back to it.

So it's not avoidant. I think we're so afraid because of

TikTok and all the things about not acknowledging our

feelings and processing our feelings that we want our kids to we

kinda give them this message that, like, you have to

attend every emotional pain party that your body invites

you to. Right. And that you then

ruin what's potentially in front of you. Yeah. And

that's what we're like, especially at our summer camp. It's one of those

things that we hound on day

one and every day that we reset the day in terms

of this this experience is what

you bring to the table. We have a killer

summer camp. And if your attitude and your

effort that we are not in control of Or in

charge of. Or in charge of, we can't control those things.

If you aren't gonna meet us there or at least be open to this experience,

then it's gonna suck. But how do we show

girls and empower them that they are in control of those

things? They can say, you know what? I did have a crappy night's sleep, but

I'm not gonna ruin this day, and I'm actually in control of

that. What I'm trying to empowerment there. Yeah. What I'm

normally used to is blaming mom, or blaming this person, or

blaming, you know, whatever else. So it's it's

showing girls not to self sabotage

opportunities that are, like, literally gifted to them,

and that are right in front of their fingertips. And what you said earlier

was kids don't feel like they have a whole lot of agency, so we

like to paint the picture of where they do in their life. We

go over the definition of agency, of autonomy, of the

personal responsibility that comes with having those things and

being able to flex those muscles. We allow them the space to

really utilize those things within summer camp, because

without practice, right, they're not going to know what that feels like, Because,

again, it is the being told where they need to be every step of the

way, and their schedules are packed. So they don't have time

between the end of school, them doing homework, and going to

soccer practice to process any of the feelings that may have come up throughout the

day. So it's like, okay, in that moment, if something in

this conversation that we're having is heavy for you, feel free to

get up, step outside for a moment, take a deep breath, get

a drink of water, but you are also expected to come back

into the room. Yeah. And if you need to have a conversation with

somebody about it, pull one of us aside. There's Jill, there's I, there's other

camp counselors here who have been prepped and ready to hold space for

you. So showing them these skills and tools and actually

giving them the space to practice having agency over themselves

is so important because there's not a ton of areas in their life where they

feel like they are in control of their own schedule. Mhmm. Yeah. Where they get

to practice. I do I do think, like you said earlier, Mary,

that they we kinda think that kids should know all this stuff, like how to

talk to people and how to be social and, like, I don't know how to

manage difficult moments, and they don't.

But then we think something's wrong. Like, oh, there's something wrong with us. There's something

wrong with them. We haven't done something right. And, really, a lot of

us don't learn these skills typically till, like, 20,

30 when we start doing self help on our own. Right? Never.

You need really have to learn the hard way. Yeah. Be

through lots of broken relationships and broken relationship with ourself

and pain and, you know, probably sabotaging behaviors.

Gonna say, Jill said self sabotage earlier, and that's a big one. It's our upper

limit. Right? We start to get close to the things that we've never experienced before

and sometimes we lose. Like, how do I yeah. How do I mess

this up? Let's get into a fight.

Go get drunk. Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm gonna, like,

yeah, not show up tomorrow to work because I got drunk and then I don't

succeed or whatever. And then spiral happens. Mentorship

sure isn't cute then, is it? Like, it's necessary. Right.

Oh, it's so cute. Yeah. No. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not necessary.

Yeah. So I think that's so great to recognize that

we're teaching kids, like, really emotional health

tools. And the schools are

not equipped to do this work, nor

ought they do it. It's very confusing. We have lost

in our society places where

kids are mentored in communities and,

you know, like churches or your faith based service or your

your extended family. There's different traditional

spaces where maybe kids would get the opportunity to

practice some of these skills. Right. We put everything on the schools and

then we find it so frustrating with their if their educations are

declining. Right? The reading levels, the math levels, but then we're also their emotional health

crisis. And it's like we can't keep putting schools there also where their kids

are gonna get their nutrition and their screenings. And I mean, we

really, as a society, have put too much into

the school system and then, you know, we don't even

resource it well. Right. We don't value it as a society. Say it

again. Say it louder. We

know. It is. Like, we have these para school

organizations like yours, and I think it can look like on the

surface, well, why do we need all this? Mhmm. You know, what's

wrong? Well, if you're at school. Yeah. Well, if you're in school and

you're having a really difficult time and you need to go to drink some

water or like you were saying earlier, like, have a snack, like, no. There's

not always room in the school system. I was a teacher, so I kinda

get it. But there's not room for all of the emotional

parts and all the needs, and you've got 35 kids, and they've all got the

need to get a drink of water and feel overwhelmed and process an emotion and

get a snack and go to the bathroom. Like, there's just so much.

And we do want kids to have some resilience and,

like, I know where I'm gonna go with this. Yeah.

It's I have camp. Right? It's coming or I

get my time with Jill and Mary or building the skill set

with the parent parents as well. And, hey, mom, I kinda wanna talk to you

about something that's been going on. But I don't really know how to talk

about it. Like, just those beginning conversations. And I would

imagine you are equipping them with the language to say the things,

the tools when you can't do it, what do you do instead?

How do you take care of yourself when you can't take care of yourself? Like

Yeah. There's certain moments when it's not available Uh-huh.

To like, as a mom, I was teaching care parents to self regulate, and they're

like, but I have, like, three little kids that are, like, on the floor crying.

And I'm like, go take a pause break. Yeah. What are you

doing? They're like, Josh. Yeah. Cool. Cool. Cool. When?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Exactly. Like, when am I supposed to do that in between, like, wiping

this bottom and whatever? Right. Picking up the throw up. Absolutely.

Yes. I do really believe it's this internal conversation. How to

soothe and cope and process internally, like

in real time is the ultimate win.

Mhmm. And amazing to

have that available to these girls. Like, do you get

so jealous of them a little bit that they have you?

And Great question. That is a great question.

No. Honestly, we

we became who we needed.

Yeah. And that for yourselves. Ourselves. And that is the

most rewarding and beautiful

position to be in, where now we

get to create spaces and have conversations

and literally watch transformations happen before our eyes.

And there is nothing there's there's nothing better to that.

So zero jealousy from me. It is just it's it's an

honor. It's a privilege. And to show girls that

their voice matters, that they matter, that as an adult,

I look to them. I might just be a little bit taller, and I might

be a few steps ahead, but I'm walking the same path as

her. And I want her to know that she can come to me, and we

can there's nothing that these girls can't say to the two of us

that will ever surprise us and that we will always meet them

with love and respect and support in the journey of

what she's journeying right now. I also think it's very

cool that we get to make the mistakes that we've made in our

life an example. So we get to talk about the things

and places that we messed up along the way without the shame or

guilt around them anymore because we know that our examples

and our relatability is going to help them understand that

there's really not a mistake. Right? You either win or you learn. We

put so much pressure on Gen z and Gen alpha especially,

and we see this in their mannerisms and the way they show up. They're

afraid to put themselves out there because you put yourself out there in a

way that society doesn't agree with. You get lambasted. You get

pinned and tarred and feathered, and everyone makes fun of you. Get put online,

potentially. Right. And it, you know, depends on how quickly the

news cycle lasts. If there's a story that's more exciting than the story

that you're a part of, but your story lasts online forever,

it could go away, but lord knows we've seen it happen multiple

times in the last ten years since the the rise of social

media that things come back around. You see it in trends. Things

that we do, our digital footprint can come back around and bite

us over and over and over and over again. And if we don't

have the tools and skills to understand who we are, what we value, what we

stand for, then those things will take us down

into a spiral, and it'll be very hard to

recover from that. I say that because kids nowadays are

afraid to put themselves out there. They call a lot of stuff cringe because

they are scared to go full force into what they

love or to put themselves out there in a way that might be perceived as

stupid by someone else because they don't want to

get pointed at or loud or something. Sort of a

forum, right, to where somebody might think it's stupid, screenshot it,

share it on Twitter, and it gets millions of views. Mhmm. And

that sucks because we're all different, and that's what's beautiful

about our world, our country in particular, is we're a

fabric made up of so many different heritages and

colors and races and backgrounds and all

of these different things that make us unique, that bring us together, and

it's terrifying to think that if we put something out there, it could be

perceived in a way that could absolutely just tear us down.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I do think

they feel quite surveilled. Mhmm. This generation.

Right? There's a lot of surveillance. The parents are doing surveillance on

them with the tracking. Right. And the

other the friends are always, like, quick to record

something or put something out there. So, yeah, it's very

difficult to feel safe and vulnerable

if you are afraid that it's gonna leave this

space. Like, other people might know. And that is

Yeah. They are afraid. And in some ways, rightly so,

but how do you create spaces for yourself where you

are safe and how do you know what safety is and who to be in

a relationship with and make requests like, Hey, can we all put our phones away?

Or whatever that looks like? I have no idea. And I wonder, do you do

digital education at all with the with the girls?

Because I would imagine that's a big thing they need training

in that Yeah. Adults aren't necessarily knowing what

is to suggest. Right. None of us are.

So it's a one zero one. It's definitely a

let's talk about our digital footprint and the fact that it's out there

forever. Like, even if you think that message disappears, it does

not. It can be revived from wherever it

is in in the cloud. Right? So

it's it's talking about their safety online, why that matters,

and how they can be perceived, how how what

they say to someone. We like I think Jill came

up with this. It's the grandma rule. If you wouldn't want your grandma to

read the things that you wrote or for those things to be broadcast on a

billboard as you're driving down the highway, you shouldn't be saying them

because none of it's ever anonymous. And your safety

matters. People can find you. People can locate you

based on what you're sharing and the intimate details of your life and your family

and your house, and that can put us in a real danger.

So it is it is a fine line, and you hit the nail on the

head. It happened so fast. Right?

02/2012 was really when Instagram first hit the

scenes. And right along with the brand of Instagram

selfie ability. The camera could flip. The flip of the camera. With

that, you can see the charts. The data is plain as

day. Along with the use of social media apps, you

can see anxiety, depression, just all of these negative

consequences of having the ability to be connected twenty four hours a day,

seven days a week, and see yourself in that light twenty four hours

a day, seven days a week. It's not her it's not helping us as a

species and as a society. It's just not. There is some

value to connection and to like, this conversation, we

wouldn't be able to have this at all. I wouldn't know who you were without

Instagram, and we wouldn't be able to talk through Zoom without the

technology. And so there are benefits of

the technology, but in the right hands and with the right

intention. And, you know, children, just like we don't give them

cars, why would we give them phones? You know, there's a

certain ages that are is appropriate. Yeah. I love that

you're having those conversations because, yeah, it's like the

skills that they need to navigate the world

are a little bit they're the same skills we've always needed. Right? The

emotional coaching skills, self coaching, all those things, self

management. But the expectation is a little bit

higher that they keep it buttoned up, that they have their shit together,

that they, you know, and then they feel like not safe

to share. And then they're falling apart in their

bedrooms. And parents are like, what is happening to my

little girl? My precious baby. Yeah. And the change is

normal. And we're also all canaries in the coal mine saying

something's not right here. The culture is

toxic. It is making me ill. Like, what is a toxin? Right. If it's

like airborne, like that's bad. Right. Our girls are

struggling and where are these safe places

for them to get supported? And that's what you have built. And

Right here with us. Yeah. It's so incredible.

Yeah. Jill and Mary. Yeah. Your mentorship. Well, and it's something we

never really dreamed of. I will say that we didn't set out to start

a brand or a summer camp or be in schools

like that was never on our radar. I think Jill beautifully said it

earlier as we simply wanted to be what we didn't feel like we had it

had at that age, and that's no knock to our

parents. They did the absolute best they could with what they

had. So the way we were parented does not work

to parent the generation we have now because external

things are so much different than what we grew up having.

But with that, we need to make sure we're plugged in to the best possible

resources, and Jill and I are so pumped that we get to

be on the side of the best possible resources because it it didn't start out

that way. It started as two friends, couple of glasses of wine, asking how

we could help. And here we are five years later on the brink of

throwing our fourth summer camp. We'll have probably over 200

girls at camp this year. The tickets have sold like wildfire

because people understand that this work is integral and

important, especially at the age that we're doing it for. Yeah.

I do tell my clients and I've said this, like, if I

had a daughter, I would absolutely go to summer camp. And it's not

a sleep away. It's a day camp. But I would go to Phoenix.

You guys are in Phoenix. We're in Scottsdale. Phoenix Scottsdale

area. Yeah. Yes. Uh-huh. But I would get myself a

little hotel, and I would just spend the day chilling by the

pool or whatever while my daughter went to the thing, and then we'd

come back and eat meals together. I would make it a

getaway because I think what you're doing is so

important. I have chills. Thank you. Yeah. No, it's like,

get to get to Scottsdale. You have to do it in the Phoenix Airport.

Right. It's easy to nap. It is. It is. There's so many

flights Super easy. It's the summer, so it's pretty affordable because it's

so hot there. June isn't the hottest month either. We will say we're we're

just in June. July is when it starts to get a little bit. Up.

Yeah. No camps offered in July, just June. Okay. Yeah.

Good. And that's why I really wanted to have you on. So tell the

dates. Say a little bit about kind of what it looks like, how to sign

up and stuff. I'm gonna leave the details for Mary. I I just wanna add

a little bit more of what we were discussing because I wanna paint a picture

for our the listeners tuning in. Summer camp, we are

pouring into these girls between thirty

seven to forty hours within the week. That is

insane. That's almost a full work week for adults.

And when does your daughter get that time,

attention, and energy in anything else? So I just want

parents to really sit with that because

we know that during the school year, there were up against

school schedules and sibling schedules and extracurricular

activities and all the birthday parties. And it's hard to

make those commitments and priorities, but this

summer, we capture and captivate an audience that

really has nothing to do. This is just an invitation from the two of us

to say, please look at your schedule. Make the commitment

because it is worth it. We have seen transformations year

over year, and not just one, not just two, like

dozens, multiple dozens of girls that are

just a different girl walking out of summer camp than the girl that they

walked in as. I wanted to throw that out there because that number is

staggering, and it's important when you are paying for the

summer camp ticket, that's what you're investing in. Like, a regular

summer camp, you do a little gaga. You maybe go in the pool. Right.

You have, like, some couple crafts. It's not an

emotional development camp. Right? It's a physical camp you

go and have fun. And you guys have fun. They do all sorts of stuff

and with this purpose of building confidence, empowerment, self

awareness. I love it so much. Yes. Yes. Yes. And

just some of these parent reviews. I mean, couldn't be more thankful for

the programs you ladies have created. Never seen so much growth in my child

in such a quick amount of time. It was like years of future

therapy prevented in five short amazing days.

I wanted to send a huge thank you for camp last week. Our daughter can't

stop talking about all that she's learned. Her confidence has grown and her ability to

handle friend drama is improving. She cannot wait for next year, and we've

been spreading the word. So to get messages like that, yes, it is

not a quick fix. It's something that needs to be fostered. It's something that

needs to be talked about on a daily basis, but it's like drinking from the

fire hose when you come to camp, and it's incredible.

Once they get a taste of what's in the fire hose, you can't

unhear it. You can't unlearn it. So you continue to practice these skills, and you

see the results from practicing the skills. So even at their age,

they get to practice within their friend group, they get to practice their own confidence,

and they are seeing results, and in turn their parents are seeing results.

That is the coolest part for us is getting to hear

from parents who wanna tell us about the transformations that have happened, and we were

really hesitant to use the word transformation at first, because that has such a weight

to it. Mhmm. You hear it a lot in the weight loss industry. Right?

Huge transformations. Buy this pill for $9.99, and

you'll lose a hundred pounds. You'll be bikini ready by

We're not hesitant to use that word anymore because we've seen it over

and over and over and over again. It's huge. It's incredible

to watch the light bulb go off in these girls to know and understand

that, a) what they're struggling with, they're not doing it alone, and

b) they have autonomy and agency to be able to

change their situation, at least certain aspects of it. That in and of itself,

when they can face their fears, builds their confidence. All we do

is give them the space to face their fears, and when we do that,

they themselves are able to build their own confidence.

So if that at all sounds like something you want your daughter to be

a part of, And what you said about taking day trips here, we, over

the last two years, have seen families fly in from Colorado,

California, Nevada, and Texas, which is beyond our wildest

dreams, because it is a commitment, and we understand that making the

time for this investment means saying no to other things, and

we do not take that lightly, because we're also very aware that

schedules are busy. Whether it's the summer or not, that is obviously

the best time for us to do this because we have a lot of time

with the girls that is uninterrupted. Mhmm. But we also know that

vacations are lingering, and back to school shopping is lingering, and all of

these excuses to say no. But, man, to see the amount of

families flying in from out of state is just mind blowing

to us. So if this sounds like something you wanna do, it's in June.

So we go week sessions Monday through Friday. So our first

session is June 2 through June 6.

Our second session is June 9 through the thirteenth,

June sixteenth through '20 '1. Yep. June

23 through the twenty seventh. They're incredible. Nine

to three. Unlike anything that girls have ever seen before, and

they're hesitant because they think personal development means a boot

camp of some sort where there's something wrong with them, and they're just gonna

get, drilled into. But once they walk in and they see

the fun colors and the decorations and the photo opportunities and the

music, the space to connect with girls that they've never

met before. They come in Monday bashful and shy

and with their arms crossed and their eyes rolling every which way

from sideways to not wanting to leave on Friday. Like, the best

party that they've ever been to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's so

good. So our campers' ages are between 10 and

13, and we have a peer leader program. So if you

have aged out of being a camp participant, then we

have a space for our high schoolers. So whether

you have been a camper or you have this

yearning to develop yourself in a way that you're ready to take on

more of a leadership role and you get developed between myself and

Mary and all the other amazing camp facilitators,

we have space for our peer leaders. So that's from ages

14 to 18, and they act as camp counselors

for us. They take on responsibilities throughout camp.

They're responsible for girls and activities and our camp

famous talent show that happens every year, and they're the emcees of

it. So it they make it so fun, and they

become who the campers wanna be, which is really beautiful.

So outside of just being an older

girl in camp, they really are anchors in our

camp to show the girls what is possible in just a short amount of

time. That's so amazing. I just love what you're doing. And then,

of course, I think people are gonna be like, well, I can't make it to

camp, and I don't live in the Phoenix and Scottsdale area. Is there any

other way to work with you? Yeah. People are gonna wanna know that. There

is. We're obviously constantly being challenged to figure

out new ways to accommodate different populations simply

because, yes, we are located in Arizona, and that is our

physical space. But we do a lot of one on one, so individual

mentorship, whether that's a full fledged program or an in the

moment one off call where we can kind of talk girls through

what they're struggling with at that point in time. That is the second

best way to work with us. Summer camp is our Super

Bowl. That is the number one way to work with us for an extended period

of time, and then individual coaching. So if your girl is struggling with

something and it has been a struggle for a while, we would suggest

our coaching program. We have a twelve week program that we take

girls through, or we just have calls. If she needs needs a

little support in the moment, that can be an option as well. Oh my

goodness. What a gift you are to to any

parent, really. Yeah. Thank you. Love it. The

same way about you, ma'am. I mean, the the the people in this

space really are just doing God's work, man. It really

we are the village that they say it takes, and it it's so

fun to be able to say that. So we know we're few and far

between. This work is hard. It's arduous. It's, who wants to

work with kids? Crazy people. Teachers. Right? We're all

crazy, and we're here. And so to be in a

space right alongside you is the greatest honor that we

could have because we know all of us work tirelessly

in order to better the next generation. Yeah. We

do. Okay. So how can everyone meet with you or connect with you or

find you? Like, what's the best way? What's the skinny? We

are very social on Instagram. We're the

most social. But come hang with us. We would love,

love, love to have your listeners drop

in in our DMs just to say, hey. I caught you on the

podcast. I just wanted to say hi. We genuinely read

every single DM. It's the two of us. We wanted to be well

connected with you. Thanks, Trudy. Good mamas. Yes. That's

right. Yeah. Yes. Get this. I I I agree. Connect.

Yeah. Just Connect with us. We are the human beings behind

Instagram. So you can find us at girls mentorship, just

spelled the normal way. And then our website

is girlsmentorship.com, and that will have

all the information around camp, our peer leader program,

and soon to come is our mentorship menu, like, what what menu

items we have and the offerings for the one on one

offerings outside of camp. Well, thank you so much. So I think

you're spot on. Start early. Start as soon as you can. 10

really is the age you do. Yeah. It's where you start to see and it

get you get a little scared and it's like, just send these girls to camp.

Come to camp. We'll receive you with open arms. Absolutely. Okay.

So, darling, thank you for the opportunity to just This has been

wonderful. Use your platform to spread the good word. Yeah. No.

My pleasure. So thank you guys for being here. Bye, y'all.

We'll see you on the next episode of Girls Mentorship Takes Over.

Until next time.