Chances are you’ve heard the phrase “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. We often hear it used metaphorically to discourage one from trying to give more to others when you already feel depleted or exhausted yourself. But is it possible to strike a balance between taking care of yourself and supporting others, even when you are feeling drained? What are the risks or drawbacks of prioritizing others’ needs over your own when you are feeling “empty?” What are the drawbacks of NOT helping others even though you are feeling overwhelmed? 

Today, we explore how to show kindness, generosity, or support to others, despite your own challenges or limitations, and how doing so may even help you refill your cup!

View full show notes here.

00:04 - Adam (Host)

Welcome to the 200% Life Podcast with Adam Hergenrother and Caitlin Frotland, where we bring you weekly insights into spiritual growth and business success. Hey everybody, today we're going to talk about two sides of the same coin why you should give when times are challenging and hard, and why being selfish is a good thing. Extreme accountability around time, and what that means and what it looks like, and self-care. What does it actually mean? What does self-care look like, and how do we define that and how do we practice it every day? So, before I walked in, you all there's three of you are having this wonderful conversation on wardrobes and how it's different for men and women, and it's interesting to see how you would wear essentially what I'm wearing every day and why you don't, though I'm actually curious about that.

00:54 - Caitlin (Host)

Oh sure, so I yeah. When I am not at work, I tend to wear what you're wearing every day, um, and it is comfortable and easy. And I was just saying I have my need nothing. Enjoy everything. Sweatshirt original version the original version, her and rather realty group you know and I have two and I just rotate between them. Very often I like the message. You know it's some if I'm like are you?

01:19

wearing something to like put a good message into the world, and it's just very practical. But yeah, when we do like the podcast or we're doing like a more important meeting or something like that, I feel the need to kind of play the role. Yeah, yeah, it is.

01:37 - Adam (Host)

That's actually a good way of saying glad you said it. Like that is, you do kind of play the role, like there are certain things that I will definitely play the role more at as well too.

01:46

02:45 - Caitlin (Host)

So it's just kind of like this whole difference of what it is. Did you see the picture? It was with three presidents, it was like Obama, biden, and why am I blanking on the third Democratic president who would be in that?

02:54 - Adam (Host)

Bill.

02:54 - Caitlin (Host)

Clinton, yeah, bill Clinton.

02:55 - Adam (Host)

Yeah.

02:56 - Caitlin (Host)

And none of them had a tie on and they all had a jacket on collar unbuttoned, and whatever news article I saw, the caption was like our tie is gone. You know, because that's like the most formal position that you can hold and nobody was wearing a tie.

03:14 - Adam (Host)

Actually, I think they just changed the dress code in the house. I think I saw that last year, where you don't no longer have to wear a suit, and I think now a lot more people are wearing it, so it's interesting to see how this changes over the next couple of years.

03:29 - Caitlin (Host)

Do you think that's because culturally we are valuing authenticity more? I think so.

03:33 - Adam (Host)

I think in general, I think people realize you can still have the same intellect, the same conversation, you can bring the same knowledge, you can bring the same value, whether or not you're in a hoodie or you in a suit. Now, I think, there's an earlier stage at least, where I was in gave me more confidence to wear the role that I had, so that helped me. But could I have delivered the same value in there? Absolutely.

03:52

And I think at some point you do realize that your value is not what you wear. Your value is how you show up and serve and contribute. I think that's kind of naturally what's gone Also could be. There's just so many choices out there and people just want simplicity in their life, and this makes it much more simpler in people's lives when you just wear logo of your own clothing. Yeah, and what Steve Jobs said about not having to have extra decisions in his day, and I really appreciate that.

04:17

Yeah, you know, it's really. We had a remarkable individual pass away that we all knew in our area a couple of days ago and it just got you thinking a little bit about contribution. And obviously, of course, anytime somebody near me dies, I always remind everybody or call people and just kind of reminding for myself too, about how fragile life is and how serious we take it, or at least how serious we take the events that don't go the way we want them to, or things that we get, and how much stock we put into those things and trying to like fix them, only for them not really to matter all that much. What I mean by that is like how many things in January were you know more than 25% way through the year things in January that bothered you? Do you even remember what they were like those days that you were suffering because something didn't go right with your kid or something didn't go right at work or whatever it was, and so while you're in the moment it hits you. But the reality is is you can experience that and feel it, but then, at the same time, you don't need to become it, and that's where the suffering comes is when people really start to become their narrative, their story, and then, when the story that they've created self-concept or ego which is really what that is does not hold up to it, there is a level of suffering that happens and the funny thing is is it can be.

05:35

We were talking about this on our parts. You call it every day. It's not much. What I mean for it is like what bothers me might not even bother you Like, so it's not. There's only a few things that don't go my way, boy. That's really like I can really feel it Right. And there's a lot of things that don't have to go my way at all and you, I naturally don't get disturbed by them. They're challenges and I just don't see them. But other people have the same challenges and they are like again, like maybe they're a mother and that's their role and they you know, somebody commented on the fact that they weren't being a great mother and that wrecked them for a month, whereas somebody could say that about me and I'm like whatever, like I, I. That just doesn't bother me.

06:12

But on the second time, if somebody feels like they're taking advantage of me or something around business and specifically money, like that may bother me and it may not bother them at all. They like, oh, we don't even care. So it's like life is always giving you these opportunities to grow. But just the general message for that is just bring a little bit more lightness into your day. You just don't know. You know it's really because I bring it up, because it's a topic that people are talking about in our office right now, just like because a lot of people knew this guy and he was 46 years old, fell in a heart, you know, fell and had a kids, so a total of three kids. But he said I guess it was 10. Again, it's just boom, just like that, and I guarantee in that moment also, any problem that their family was having really wasn't a problem, right? So we just take ourselves so serious about this.

06:54

This kind of leads into the topic of why it's so difficult to give when things are challenging. When things are challenging, and what I really mean by that is we got an email from one of our main kind of sponsors, if you will, for one of our main companies, and they basically had said we don't have enough funding to fund the things that we normally do. We haven't received any donations, and this is something that we run. This is something that we usually contribute towards. We got an email from them that basically said look like we're tapping into our reserves for three months. The last three years we've been tapping into them because it's been more challenging. Really, specifically this year, we've had to limit what we can give out there. We're calling for the need for anybody to contribute.

07:36 - Caitlin (Host)

This is monetarily right, and this is a philanthropic no-transcript.

07:50 - Adam (Host)

Because in times where it's really difficult from a financial standpoint, specifically in real estate, people need funding even more so because when things it's not that they need funding for their own lifestyle, they need funding when all of a sudden, like their kid develops cancer and they don't have the money to get rid of it. Or somebody needs braces and they don't have the money to pay for it. Or you know, I'm on our servant on the cross board, which is a pretty big board, and we had people, more people, this year asking that their children could have any leftover equipment because there wasn't enough. They didn't have enough money to actually buy the equipment for their kids to kind of go play. So I've kind of seen this circle kind of why is it so difficult to give when you're contributing? And one is the amount of money you can give obviously is a mechanism of how much money you make. So when incomes are lower or still good real estate, when things are more challenging, it makes it more difficult to give money. So there's two elements to this conversation. There's one of mechanical money, which we'll go into. The other part of this, just to frame the conversation here, is about you giving emotional, spiritual, personal energy to somebody else when you're taxed. That's the other thing that I'm seeing. I'm doing a lot of one-on-one coaching with our team members right now, and they're personally taxed. They've been, they've been, you know they're, they've been driven hard, they've, they're, they're burnt out. It's been a really tough year, and I'm specifically referring to the real estate industry, but I also know a large company around here just laid off 1,600 people, people that were affected by this 30, 40 days ago, and they're having a tough time right and it shows up. I could see it at Easter when we were with them and I started talking through those, with people.

09:22

So one to just get this conversation out there, like why is it, why does it become so difficult A to give any type of money? And number two is, when things get challenging on yourself, to actually get out of that and actually give to somebody else. And so I think there's there's two things, though. The first one I would go to is the mechanical nature of giving money. Now, of course, when things are going well, it's much easier to give money, but if you have like this, this like a rule that says I'm going to give 10 percent of my income, one percent of my income half percent of my income. It doesn't really matter what it is, it's, it means the same. Your intent's the same. Given if you make $50,000 a year or if you make five million dollars a year, the intent is still the same. Now you get to pick what you want to actually donate for different things right there. But it is easier to give $50 when you're making a thousand or whatever it is on those different things. But when things get challenging, people tend to naturally stop giving any money, which I think then makes it even harder because they're you're not really putting that back out there.

10:19

So Tony Robbins has told the story for millennia. Basically, he talks about how he was down to the first time I ever heard Tony say this. He talks about it and I think it was his first book in the eighties. I don't remember exactly how old he was, he was early twenties. He basically was trying to do this you know self-help, you know play, and he had, like, I think it was like $53 or $30 left in his in his pocket and he was eating his last meal. And he tells this story many, many times.

10:47

But and I may get a few of the things wrong, but the point is here and he's having a lone dinner and he sees like this seven or eight year old having lunch with his mom and he said in this moment he just kind of walked up and he said you know, you should buy your date, you know, dinner or lunch. And he gave them all the money that he left over after paying for his thing and that's all the money he had in his pocket. And he went back and he either got in his car or took the bus or whatever, went to his house and he did. He had no idea how he was going to get through the day. He didn't have any money, literally no money. I'm not talking like he didn't have anybody to get money from and he he elongates the story, but basically he ended up. He showed up at his house that day and there was a check for like $1,400 that somebody had owed him for years. That was just there.

11:30

And so he always asks questions like would it have been there if I hadn't given the money? And it's one of those things like I tend to do, that sometimes when I, when I give, I'm not looking for anything back, but there's always that part of me like something good happens afterwards I'm like, would that have happened if I didn't have given that my time or money to that? Right, or I just did it freely and you just don't know, right, you don't know. But I do know that the more you can give we all know this the more you can get back. And so I think, right now, if we can reframe some of our thinking around this about how do I go give right now and I and again you could be giving a dollar, right? I mean that could be whatever it is. It could be the dollar.

12:05

You know the little store at a quick stop, you know trying to get changed. We do a big, big, big change roundup around here for kids that need you know places to stay for the hospitals, and you know they take 50 cents. I mean you can give something, right. So, like I would first start to where can I give some money? That's very minimal, right? I mean, again, whatever is comfortable for you, maybe 50 cents and maybe $5, maybe $100, but it's got to hurt a little bit, right, and it's got to be like and you're doing it, you're not doing it to post on social media, you're not doing it, you're just purely doing it because you're trying to reframe kind of the experience that you're having.

12:40 - Caitlin (Host)

Would you look for individual moments to give, and or do you think it's better to like give routinely and commit to an amount that you're going to give routinely?

12:51 - Adam (Host)

I think if you can give routinely, that's wonderful. I think a lot of people have given up on giving routinely right now and so something that I personally do or I've done over the years, I've had moments where I've walked a very thin line right In business, where I just invested $20 million into a project and if it didn't go right like, I remember walking out one day and my attorneys were like for closing the deal, they're like how do you sleep at night? And I was like what do you mean?

13:13

I don't know, how do I sleep at night? They're like I don't know how you just signed up for that much debt to do this thing and actually can to my home. I was like maybe I should have thought about this more.

13:23

I can just cause he was so concerned for me. Anyways, we made that deal. But, man, I walked for early part of my career. I walked a thin line that could have swung either way, right, and I think that's a lot for people that build businesses or they're on you're teetering on the edge. That's part of being an entrepreneur, right. It's like you're teetering on this edge and in those moments where I literally felt like the darkest in terms of like, am I going to pull through with this, or this is a really challenging, I would then go find an opportunity to give.

13:53

Now, it wasn't like I'm just going to go give randomly to somebody. It was like the minute you look, it's everywhere, right, like you know. It'd be like maybe you're going out to dinner and you see somebody that's working really hard and you give them a $500 tip. I remember I doing that one time, right, I just left right after that Never saw the person in the reaction, or you just whatever, it is Right, you just go out there and find a way. So I think that would be the first strategy right now, if you're listening to this just go find a meaningful way to contribute some dollars.

14:29 - Caitlin (Host)

Right, right, something. It could be a dollar Again. Everyone give a dollar, right? So find a way to do something purely for the act of giving and would you look for a circumstance where it would be kind of like a wow gift for somebody else? So like the Tony.

14:34 - Adam (Host)

Robbins example and the Exactly it's $30, so it wasn't a ton of money.

14:37 - Caitlin (Host)

Right, but it was for a kid that would be like wow, and the example that you just gave is a wow example, but so it doesn't have to be 500. Yes, exactly Okay.

14:46 - Adam (Host)

I think those are great. I don't think they have to be that I've also. I'm just trying to think of other. I mean, there's been there's been probably 20 times throughout my career where I felt like, man, we're really screwed financially, like we're in a tough spot, and I would go out and within a month of doing that, I would give, and it just kind of worked itself out. Now would it have? Maybe, probably, but I don't know right. I just know that it feels good to do that and at the same time there always seems to be something that comes back around.

15:14

15:48

Or maybe meaningful to other person? It doesn't forget about the dollar amount. Just go find a way to do it and I promise you, if you go, if you listen to this far and you're going, okay, I will. Over the next couple of days it'll be clear as day. It almost like it's just so you go, that's the opportunity, and it's like you don't even have to like pre-think this. It just shows up, you'll see it, somebody will get an email, something will happen. You know. You just don't know, right? Sometimes, even in business partnerships where you know the other person's struggling to hit their end and you just pay for it and you say look, no-transcript. You figure out the amount that you want to do. That'd be it.

16:36 - Caitlin (Host)

Just question on that too Do you think there's a point where it becomes almost a bit reckless to give, or you know?

16:42 - Adam (Host)

yeah, it's too much. That's why I'm saying it could be a dollar.

16:45 - Caitlin (Host)

Yeah, so using your judgment Absolutely.

16:48 - Adam (Host)

Yeah, yeah. That's why I even like the big rate change roundup. My thinking is that when people are in in such a like a fight or or like fear mode around money, they're so concerned about them that it's really what it is. It's the thought of going. This world is not all about me, that's the whole point. So it's like I'm going to give 50 cents to something because now it's not just about my ego or my self-concept. That's what, to me, is the whole inner experience you get from that is it's not, it's who cares if it's 500 million or 50 cents.

17:19

Sure, you may get lauded more for the more money that you spend, but it's the internal, it's the really, it's the internal adjustment that you make. That's what I'm really trying to get after here, which is when you go give you instantly, you can't think about yourself when you're giving that, or at least the ego might be doing that or self-concept, but you're overriding that and going. I'm going to give anyways. And again, so it's certainly not reckless. We're not saying do that? I mean, it could be $5, right, it could be a dollar, it could be a hundred dollars, it could be something where we go. Man, this person needs it a little bit more than me, and that's all you're doing. And in that moment, that's when things start to go. Life is not about me. That's why I brought up the death earlier today as part of this conversation. Right, like just in, you know, change your perspective when things get challenging financially and give you just give a little bit of money only for the reframing of your own inner orientation.

18:11 - Caitlin (Host)

That makes sense and particularly, I think money is such a fear driver for people. So it's what you're describing sounds like such a powerful practice, because it really hits at the core of people's like self-preservation fears Well that's exactly right.

18:25 - Adam (Host)

So whenever you're feeling that fear again, you're just reorienting yourself, you're turning yourself around to go like it's not all about me, but of course you've got to take care of yourself, right? We're not saying that, but you just it's not about me. There's other ways that I can do this. The second one is we've been having this kind of, I would say, like these emotional coaching conversations with people where they've been really bent up over the last year or burnt out. They're tired. You know they're doing a lot of work for minimal amount of money, specifically in our industry.

18:54

19:32

But there is this thing about being I would call it like needing to be more selfish for yourself, particularly people that are burnt out, that are wrecked a little bit. You know, we did a podcast about morning routine and part of that morning routine that we we talk about is purely about to put yourself in a better emotional state and emotional is just another word for your inner state so that you can. You know you're not such a, you're not so caught listening to that voice and that story. That's just not even worth listening to. You're paying attention to when you can, when you can be selfish, you can actually give more.

20:04

And the way I always like to introduce this is the heart, right, takes about 80% of the most rich nutrient oxygen in the body. So somebody could say the heart is a very selfish organ. There's a lot of other organs, there's a lot of other functionality of the body besides the heart. So the heart but takes about 80% of the best blood that's in the body, the most dense, rich nutrient. That's why, like when you get cold or whatever it is, your hands get cold first and not your cause. It keeps everything core in here, right, but what happens is the, the, the.

20:33

The heart then becomes a circulatory system for keeping everything else alive. So it takes the most rich nutrient, blocks oxygen, oxygen, and then sends it to the areas that need it the most for healing, for recovery, for mental stamina, whatever it is, or just functioning. Your body, your brain needs it, your legs need it. You cut your arms, so it sends more white blood cells through that bloodstream. It just knows what to do with it. Right, and, by the way, this is happening without you doing anything, which is still remarkable. But that, that is what. To me, that's kind of how you can also use that same kind of analogy or that metaphor for life, which is I'm going to take not necessarily 80% of your time, but I'm going to take time to work on me, so that the rest of the day I can then go out there and work on other people and help and contribute in different ways. It's like the heart takes it all in in a moment, but then it's spending the rest of the time giving it out.

21:27

And it's the same thing for you, if you have this morning routine or a routine of some sort, where you're self-care, being selfish, you're taking care of yourself. You then have more to contribute. So the step that I would take here is and what I've been asking everyone to do is what time do you get up? This is literally the conversation I have with everybody, and they range from times. They go tell me something that you're going to do. That is hard today, cause we, you know, we did the whole hard episode of what people were doing and it's got to be something around physicality and essentially people end up, on average, waking up about 30 minutes earlier and adding something into their life. That is hard. It could be. We've got a lot of walks. We've gotten a lot of like yoga tapes, yoga tapes and like watching yoga on your computer or whatever it is, or even your phone, like it just doesn't even matter. People are doing pushups in the morning and sit up. Routine costs zero money to do any of that stuff and and what they're experiencing is they're just like you know. It's not like life got easier, but my day got easier. That's the feedback and that's why I think is really important with this, this interchange, is that it doesn't mean from you getting up in the morning and being able to, you know, work on yourself, being a little selfish for your own self time. That could be prayer, meditation, journaling, exercise of some sort, any level of exercise, some sort of movement or reading, or, you know, reading, writing poems or doing art I mean whatever it is that kind of really puts you in that state to give more. It doesn't mean the outside world gets easier. It's starting to show up saying you just handle it better. And that's really what spirituality is all about, isn't it? It's about handling life. The more you can handle life, it doesn't take you down with it. You just naturally handle the adversity that shows up. We call them challenges or problems. You just handle them easier. I said that when we were talking about our morning routine is like that's one of the greatest inward gifts that you get is that you can just handle life better. So it's important for people when you're doing this is when you, when you fill up your own cup, when you start allowing yourself more self-time for you and reflection, whatever that means for you, and you're aiming to bring more of that into your life, it just gets easier to handle what's there, which is the whole part of just enjoying life. Again, I did this Monday message for a company the other day and it was like life at the end of your day.

23:42

If you have moments, or even a month or whatever, it is to think about your life when, before you go, it's not going to be about I don't, my experience. I just don't think it's about going to be about who you served. It's not even going to be about like, how many things you bought or bought other people. So on both sides of the equation, I think it's more about did I enjoy the gift of life, did I enjoy my experiences that I got to have here, which is all sorts of experiences, right, some of them are really hard. You had to learn how to deal with death. You had to learn how to deal with birth. You had to learn how to deal with you know people yelling at you. There's 8 billion people and some of them. If you haven't noticed, a lot of people don't like you it. If you haven't noticed, a lot of people don't like you. It's just, you have to learn all these things and did you at least appreciate and honor the moment that came in front of you? And then, if you do that, you learn to actually just accept the moment and then enjoy the moment, because then you're going to go your last couple of minutes and go.

24:35

Man, it was a wild ride. I really enjoyed it and it's time right. It's just like, whatever it is, I just enjoyed my ride and I enjoyed the experience of life, cause I even think about, like for my kids. I'm like what would I want out of them? Like, cause this is just my own self-talk and I always was like I just want them to enjoy their life and you want to. You can say I want them to be happy, but it's really the same thing, right? Just enjoying their life.

25:01

I didn't say I mean, I clearly tell them. I'm like I don't want it to be easy for you. There needs to be adversity in your life, there needs to be challenges for you. What I want you to do is have the tools to be able to equip yourself to handle and enjoy the challenges of life, to be able to approach situations with candor and ease and be able to do these things. That all comes down to Caitlin. You handle life, because if you can't handle it, you're no good to the situation. So this, this inner work that you're doing again. You call this the 200% life for a reason we're just explaining it differently which is the a hundred percent of the outer world, which is that kind of mechanism for giving which changes your orientation about realizing life's not just about me, cause that's what, when people really get focused and fearful, it's all about.

25:44

You said it well self-preservation of the ego. That's really what it is. It's self-preservation of what I've. What I've created is really what I've created. I mean, there's a whole argument. I'm not gonna go down this path.

25:55

There's, like even the most athletic people in the world like did they create it? Did you actually create that? I understand what you did. I. I actually do this as a way for my kids, for them not to be so cocky, right, I mean because they're still in this. My kids are pretty good athletes, they're in this world. I'm like hold on a second right. They're like but I worked harder, daddy, Because I go well, where did you get your body from?

26:23

How did you get that strength in your body? Did you make that? Why work it out? And I go oh, I you the drive to work out. What gave you the ability to build muscle faster than other people? What gave you the ability to recover better? What gave you the ability? The fact that you have a lot more things than other people. Do you have access to coaches? Do you have different people, and so then they go. Well, I don't know, and I go exactly. So why don't you be thankful for that? Is it really you doing any of that? It's going down another topic, but that's the. That's the kind of the lightness that we can have when we bring into life that we can just truly enjoy it.

26:53 - Caitlin (Host)

So what about for just like somebody who's listening and who says, okay, I hear you, this all makes sense, I'm convinced, but the reality of my situation is that I am maybe leading a team, I have commitments like, and I can't really just be taking a bunch of time for myself right now, and so like that is the first thing that comes to mind, and then the second piece is, too. I think there's a lot of talk about like self-care in our culture and sometimes that's equated with like go get a massage, which I do think is incredibly valuable, you know. But that also is like can be a bigger commitment. That's a financial commitment Like, or it could be be.

27:34

I see a lot like online and stuff about like have a glass of wine, you've deserved it, but that doesn't feel like the type of self-care that you're talking about. So, yeah, so for people who are struggling to even find time, where do you find that time? Into what is like truly fulfilling? That is, fulfilling your heart in the way that you were describing, so that you can share with others.

27:56 - Adam (Host)

I would. I would argue that it's very rare that people don't have time. It's very rare. There are exceptions where I've met people that are literally single parents and they are working three jobs, or I mean maybe not three jobs, but they are literally, and it's very rare.

28:15

People will always push back on me when I say that to them and I go well, tell me what you did last yesterday. Tell me what you did and what you end up finding is that, sure, people are working 12 hours, but the reality is they were unfocused working. They were doing something else. They actually could have saved and maybe brought it down to 10 hours. If you're working that long, and what time you get up, it's great. What'd you do at night? Well, I watched the show, great. So you're telling me that if you watched a show for 20 minutes, I know that's your downtime, but what if you, instead of watching a show, you went to bed 20 minutes early and you got up 20 minutes early and worked on yourself? So it's like I really struggle with when people tell me they don't have time For one and I've said this before, but this goes back to the root that's, all you actually have is time. You could drop all your responsibilities today and have all you'd have is time. So what you're saying is I'm choosing other things which are important, by the way to take care of your family or your kids, your needs or your company. Yes, absolutely, you can find time. People can find 30 minutes. People. You can find time. People can find 30 minutes, people can find 15 minutes.

29:13

I don't buy that argument that people can't actually find 30 minutes in their day. Now, what people are really saying is I'm going to have to sacrifice something else to find that time. And I think for me, there may be sure there's some things that you can't sacrifice throughout your day. Those stay up there, but there are a few things that you can't, and it's just which is more important.

29:32

That's really what it comes down to when you actually look at somebody's day in the years that I've been doing this and the and the I wouldn't say thousands of people I've said that to, but the hundreds of people that I've coached and I've said that and they've all responded in that way, not one of them after a period of time has said yeah, you're right, right Like I, right, right Like I. It's not I, I. Well, what they've said is they don't say that anymore. They realize they can actually find time. So that's number one is like I'm. I'm not saying you need to go out and get two hours, I'm not even saying you need to go 90 minutes. I'm saying you can't you try and tell me you can't find 15 minutes?

30:02

or 30 minutes.

30:03 - Caitlin (Host)

Right, of course, you can.

30:05 - Adam (Host)

You absolutely can. So, um, that's number one. Number two, when it relates to what was the second question.

30:12 - Caitlin (Host)

About like the message our culture gives us about self-care. Yeah, self-care.

30:15 - Adam (Host)

I mean those massage having a glass of wine. They're wonderful, like those are great relaxation tools to be able to use and you want to do those things For one. I think massage is way better than a glass of wine. But like, that's just me personally, and I love massages. I get a massage once a month. I love them. There was a period of time I actually got them once a week, um, and it was actually became a chore. I know it sounds really weird, but, um, yeah, it was like. Uh, it was almost like it was we had somebody coming once a week and I was like, oh, here's another massage. I actually didn't know that. I didn't really appreciate it nearly as much, for I know this is silly, but like I'm just being real, like that's it was then.

30:49

So then we. I try to get a massage once a month purely for the recovery, because I work my body so hard and. I just use a foam roller every pretty much every couple, every couple of days, as as in lieu of a massage for that. But that is not the self-care that I'm referring. I'm referring to more of the, the those are. Those are wonderful things, and if you can afford them and do them, you should.

31:08 - Caitlin (Host)

I think it also too, just thinking about the massage piece, it depends on the person and like where are parts of their lives that they need to give self-care. So if you haven't been taking care of your body, a massage can be a wonderful healing thing to be like. Okay, I'm going to put time and energy into appreciating this form.

31:25 - Adam (Host)

My thing, though, is those things, those aren't stuff that you're going to do every day. Right, that's kind of what the point is. It's like that, or you, you know, maybe you drink every day, but like that's not really massage. Those type of things are not something you're going to do every single day.

31:37

You could take a bath every day, like some people love Epsom salt baths and that's their way of relaxing. That could work. It's free, essentially the Epsom salt. You can buy big things, but really what I'm referring to is finding time for yourself to focus on you, right. So that can be. Again, it could be a bath where you read. It could be. You know, we use that. Actually, I don't know if we use that as a tool with our kids. When they get really riled up, I go, let's just go in there. You can grab an audio book and we put it on and we give them an Epsom salt bath and they lay in there for like 20, 30 minutes and they come out in a completely different person. So, again, it can work, especially if you're taking care of your body or you want to.

32:12

Most people go I don't have time for a bath, right, because maybe they don't necessarily with that era. That's why it goes back to how do you find time to just do some sort of inner work? To me, early in the day is the best way to do this. That can be. I actually think it should be the first thing you do when you get up. You should do some low exercise, physically moving your body will give you the benefits physically. So outer world and then also the inner world, to make handling life a little bit easier. And that's where I would really start.

32:44

So if we kind of wrap up this conversation of how we framed it, which is A enjoy your life more, because you just never know, and I'd just be remiss if we there's so much death talk around here because you just you just never know and I just be remissed if we you know we're there's so much death talk around here because of somebody just died and um, that, just to share that again, for people just to take a little bit more lightness in their life and just ask yourself some of those deeper questions. Which is, if I had just a couple of minutes, what would I be asking myself? Right, you could ask yourself a series of questions like did I love enough? Did I care enough? All that to me is just a roundabout way of saying did I enjoy my life, right? Because if I loved, then that means I enjoyed. If I didn't love, that means I didn't enjoy my life a period. So it just kind of me boils down to that one question which, again, it works for me, that may not work for somebody else, but that is like a focusing question that I kind of keep in my head, which is are you going to enjoy your life, adam Right? Like it's just that's kind of what I, what I use as a positive affirmation if I need to, uh.

33:39

And the second one is is be selfish, find some time for you to again build yourself up so that you have more to give when life hits.

33:49

And and by giving mechanically money we talked about before, changes your orientation and not think about yourself so much, even it's the slightest thing, even 50 cents it's all of this that changed the way you think about things, because the way you think about things is really your actions. So, if you're changing just in that moment about not being about you and about understanding that, even in the worst situation, if you're listening to this, there's billions of people on the planet would change places with you in a heartbeat, in a heartbeat, and take on every single one of your problems that you have, every single one of them, right, if you're listening to this, right, because people are having those problems and are listening to this. So, if you're listening to this, that's just one perspective of how you change that thinking, which then changes your actions. And then again, the last part would be is that inner work that you do Find something, some sort of movement that you're working on yourself?

34:40 - Caitlin (Host)

You know, what I love is just I think that there's a lot of truth in paradoxes, and it's like this beautiful paradox of look for the opportunities to give and then take those moments to be selfish as well.

34:50 - Adam (Host)

And really that was both of those. Yeah, I like that Good way of saying it.