Have you ever felt like you have been playing small or stopped yourself from saying the things you really want to say, because you are trying to protect yourself from being seen and judged?  Today Sinéad contemplates her journey with confidence and self-expression. She reveals a long-held fear of success and intimacy. She reflects on how recent events led her to dimming her voice and avoiding sharing her truth in a new way. Sinéad reflects how her childhood experiences shaped the way she has learned to use her voice and the disruption often caused by her being direct. She emphasizes the dual nature of her voice, which has both caused pain and liberated herself and others. In this episode, Sinéad gets raw and vulnerable, as she openly invites listeners to reclaim their power and voice, to acknowledge the presence of the persecution and mother wounds and how these can hinder self-expression and impact the way you show up in your life and business.

Timestamps:

• 00:00 Shares her struggles with confidence, explaining how fear of success and intimacy has led her to play small and stay hidden in isolation.
• 02:13 How old stories  have kept her from fully expressing herself and led her to give away her power.
• 4:35 Revealing how self-censorship, rooted in childhood experiences and the "Mother wound," has prevented her from speaking her truth.
• 07:55 Sinéad reflects on the dual nature of the voice. 
• 13:12 Her journey of reactivating her power, and inviting others to break through their limitations and reclaim their voices.
• 18:33 Emphasizing the importance of moving forward despite fear and uncertainty, encouraging listeners to make the personal choice to do so.
• 21:41 She shares how her evolution involves alchemising emotions and projections, and how this powerfully leads herself and others through the realm of despair.

Connect with Sinéad:

Join the Inner Circle: https://www.sineadcracknell.com/

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sineadc77/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewealthvortex/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sineadcracknell/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@sineadcracknell

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SINÉAD CRACKNEL: When people meet me, when they see me, when they speak to me, they come to the conclusion and decide that I am quite confident, that I'm pretty brave and courageous, and that I am no bullshit. They decide that I don't necessarily give a shit about what other people think of me, and they decide that I am in my power at all times. And while that is true to a certain degree, there is also another truth that has been playing out that has held equal power most recently. And this is the truth that for the past few months, and probably longer, has had me playing small, staying meat and humble. This is the truth that has kept me in hiding and not wanting to shine. This is the truth that has kept me in isolation, in fear. It has been the truth that has had me breathing into and feeding into the fear of success, the fear of intimacy and letting people in to see me in all of who I am, vulnerability, warts and all. It has been the truth that has been breathing life into the fear of being seen as too much. This is also the truth that I learned to adapt and take on as a behavior, to protect myself, to keep myself safe and to keep myself unseen and unharmed for a lot of my life. And it's this way of being that has recently paid me a visit, specifically this last couple of months, which is probably why you haven't heard from me for a few months, because I've been navigating I've been navigating something that had risen that was unexpected and really swept the legs from underneath me, at least that's what it felt like. I have been on a journey of learning more about myself and learning more about my ego and learning more about how my ego plays out in the world, and how it's been trying to keep me safe, and how it's been trying to keep me seeing seeing myself as special and different and unique, and all of the things which, of course, everyone is. But I've also been doing something that I didn't envisage I would be doing because I felt like I'd already done all this shit already, and I thought I had already moved on, and I had passed and surpassed this level of an aspect I suppose, of me. I have been dimming my voice. I have not been saying the things that I really want to say. I have not been showing up in the way that I have really wanted to show up because I have been sitting in this navigation process. I had chosen to navigate the breakdown before the breakthrough, where there is always a choice, and we don't always have to go through the breakdown before the breakthrough, because nothing is ever linear, right? But I've been afraid of hurting and harming others by sharing what I wanted to say, the truth of what I want to say. I've been afraid of being hurt and harmed by others. And this isn't anything new. This is old, ancient stuff. This is old traumas and layers of protective mechanisms and survival instincts that I learned to keep me safe, that was triggered recently, and it really invited me to take the power of my voice to new levels in ways that I didn't necessarily recognize, that I could do, which is interesting, because it's completely opposite to what I'm sharing with you, right? So instead of seeing it for what it is and alchemizing it in the way that I knew how I choose to lean into other people to support me to navigate it, and in doing so, I really gave my power away, rather than being witnessed in the pain and the activation of old trauma through me, being able to express it through my voice, which is how I usually would express something for myself, express my emotions, express what I'm feeling, express what I'm experiencing in the moment. I received requests to express differently, and in doing so, I made myself wrong. More. I made my voice wrong. I shamed myself for using my voice. I shamed myself for wanting to be witnessed and heard and listened to. I shamed myself for my voice, for feeling the way that I was feeling, for experiencing what I was feeling, and in doing so, I shut up shop, I oppressed and I suppressed my voice. I put myself on mute and I censored what I really wanted to say. And the truth is this was another layer of the persecution and Mother wound that had been activated. Now I'm going to share something with you that I have never shared in public before, and the truth is, is that it's not necessarily something that you need to know. It's personal information from my childhood that I locked away and I pushed down, and I made normal. I normalized it, and I thought that it was normal for all children. And the memory kept coming up, and I wanted to express it, because it had been activated, not just this year, but previously in the last two years by different women, and it was something that I experienced as a child where the things that I wanted to speak and say were questioned were I was told to be quiet a lot. I was always told not to express my emotions. And one of the things as a woman that we navigate is this persecution wound where we think that something bad is going to happen if we express our emotions, if we express our feelings, if we express our voices. And as a child, for me, when I try to express my voice. Something bad did happen. Something happened on more than one occasion, whether that was me being harmed, hurt, abused, violated in lots of different ways. And so this was something that's kind of come up for me again, and I wanted to share it with you, because I know that many of you experience this, where you feel like you are losing your power, where you feel like you cannot activate more of your personal power, because you feel like you cannot speak your Truth, because at any point in your lives, and probably previous lifetimes, too, where you have spoken your truth, something bad has happened, and this is what had happened for me. Recently, I found myself stifling my voice and creating and manifesting distractions that would take me away from the very things that I know I really, really, really wanted to fucking do the things that I really needed to do, and the things that I really love to do, like podcasting, like sharing my voice on social media, like sharing content on Instagram and in stories like writing, stories Like writing and expressing myself differently to anyone else, really being quite emotive in the way that I show up, and also often triggering and activating because I am and can be very direct. I know that I am very expressive in that way, but I actually pushed it all down, I instead chose to believe that my voice wasn't worthy of listening to. What I had to say would only ever warrant and command the wrong kind of attention. Because, in truth, I have a huge amount of evidence that has shown me that by using my voice, I had either been physically abused and received harm, or I have caused harm. This is truth. This is what's happened. This is what's happened in my childhood. This is what has played out throughout my life. This is also what's happened in previous lifetimes, parallel lifetimes, where I as a priestess, an Oracle, a seer, a channel, who can see sense, feel known, perceive beyond the physical realm of the 3d have been persecuted for knowing too much, saying too much, seeing too much, being too much. And all of this was activated for me again. I also have a Strack of evidence where by using my voice, often left me being rejected and abandoned by family, by friends, by the people that I kept. Care about,

and I have a stack of evidence to show me where I had often been misunderstood and how what I can say can feel quite cutting and direct to those that are not necessarily ready to receive the truth or some of the words that I have shared and truth be to be known. I've never really been one to engage discernment up until more recently over the last few years. But because of that, I always felt it in my duty to just say whatever the fuck was on my mind and don't think about the consequences. Don't think about what other people are thinking or how they're going to receive it, or what they're going to think about it, but it always used to take me to a space of feeling isolated and abandoned and rejected because people didn't understand they didn't understand who I am. They didn't understand the energy or the intention behind it, and quite frankly, sometimes the energy and intention behind me, sharing what I was saying was quite spiteful. I wanted to hurt people because I didn't want to be hurt myself.

So I have evidence to show me and reflect me where what I have said to people has been quite disruptive and jarring to them, and conversely, I have a shit ton of evidence to show me where my Voice and using my voice has liberated me my daughter, and the women and the men that I have worked with over the last few years inside of my business, it has shown me where I have used it to encourage clients to make changes within themselves and outside of themselves. It has shown them where they have been standing in their own way, where they get to take up even more fucking space, and how they get to do that, it has helped them to take the necessary steps in their lives and businesses that has led them to repairing relationships, partnerships, familial relationships, relationships with the divine, relationships with their family, relationships with their friends, their husbands, their wives, their children. It has led them to healing from physical and mental issues and problems. It has led them to overcoming addictive tendencies, behaviors and patterns. It has supported them to stand in even more of their own power, even more of their own truth, even more of their own authenticity, and allow them to really step into more of their own leadership. It has helped them to shift the way that they see the world, to expand their horizons in ways that they never dreamed were even possible. It's helped them to think bigger, to see bigger, to see more, to allow themselves to receive more. It has shown them where they exactly get to take up even more fucking space, how they get to activate even more of their own personal power. This is the power of my voice, and this is the power of your voice too. But I had to revisit this part of me that was still afraid to take up even more space that was still afraid to be seen, to be visible, to be heard, to be understood and misunderstood. I was still afraid to be uncomfortable. I had to revisit and see this part of me that wanted me to take her by the hand and tell her, I've got you. Let's do this together. So for a moment there, I forgot. I forgot what to do. I forgot to do this hat for myself. When old ancient traumas and stories were activated, I reverted back to old habits. I got distracted. I allowed myself to get distracted, and I closed down my voice. I closed down the one thing that I know, and I came here to use freely, to use in a way that other people often. Don't find the courage to do, and certainly the people and the women within my family have yet to find the courage to do. I close down my voice and shut up shop, because my voice, at some point in my life, was the source of a lot of pain and harm and discomfort. And I'm sharing this with you today because I know that there are many of you out there listening that have yet to tap into the reservoir of potency that is held in the nature of your own voice, of your own channel. And you are here to do such gargantuan things. You are here to be of service. You are here to support so many fucking people. You are here to speak your truth, to be in your truth, to be in your power. And yet you are afraid to do that. You are afraid to take up space. You are afraid to see yourself in a new way. You are afraid of success. You are also, and conversely, afraid of failing. You're afraid of what might happen if you don't do it. You are afraid of what might happen if you do you

and I'm sharing this with you because I want you to know that you are not alone, because I am you. And I often have moments like this too, and the only way out is true, and this has become very poetic, and this is also to remind you that you always have a choice.

You can allow yourself to be distracted. You go down spiral to it, into the depths of despair, just like I did, to manifest experiences and circumstances that are only going to solidify and fortify what you are already feeling about yourself within the deep wounds, the deep fears, the reasons why you shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, and definitely should never, use your voice speak your truth, or you can choose the other hard which is to lean all the fuck way in, activate even more of your own power, break through The limitations that you are placing yourself within, because this is a cage that you are choosing to stay in, rather than allowing yourself to fry it, fly and soar freely. You can choose to stay exactly where you are wallowing in the ship Pit and the pity party for one and only ever seeing the bad things about yourself, which trying to figure out where I fit in and where I belong and where I don't, and where I can be big and gargantuan and take up all of the space and be all of who I am, or you can just stay exactly where you are and do nothing and always live in the question, what if and only if, only if I'd taken that step, only if I'd open my mouth, only if I took that one action,

rather than moving from a space of no matter what, no matter what I'm feeling, I know that I've got my own back and no matter what I'm feeling, I know that I can do This no matter what I'm feeling, I am moving into in the direction that my heart and soul are calling me to, no matter what I'm feeling and what my head is saying, no matter what fear is coming up, I am doing the down fucking thing. And it might take you a couple of months, it might take you a few years, or it can take you five minutes. The choice is entirely up to you. For me, it took a couple of months. There was a lot of redoing, revisiting, restoring, recalibrating, reactivating, and but I hope that by listening to what I'm sharing with you is giving you a sense of get up and go, a sense of, okay, I'm not alone. I can do this shit. I.

But I know that you don't need me to motivate or inspire you, but sometimes just hearing from somebody that you perceive to be confident, no bullshit, direct, confident, courageous. I've said confident twice was so it must be true, telling you that she has wobbles too because she's only fucking human, and hopefully it'll give you the kick in the ass to take the actions say the things that you know you need to say,

persecution wound the mother. Wound both deep, deep, deep cellular wounds that can take you off course at any moment, they can surprise you and delight you in so many different ways, and all you have to do is keep showing up. You don't need to know all of the answers. You don't need to know why. You don't need to know what's happening. You just need to keep moving forward.

I know myself well enough to know that when I'm being called to revisit something, when something's being reactivated within me, that there is another version of me that I am ready to ascend into, and I am evolving in a new way, and it can show up in a number of ways. So it can be a reactivation of old traumas. It can be where I'm experiencing melancholy, where I am feeling depressed, where I am feeling called to rest like I've never rested before, where the body is extremely achy, not to the point of burnout so much, but definitely feeling a deep shift within the bones of the body. And it's usually indicative of Sinead 33,000,000.0 on the rise. And yet, so often, I choose to forget that part, because there is a small part of me that loves to thrive and feel alive in the darkness the helplessness and the depression. There is a small part of me that gets something out of the break down and before the breakthrough. And perhaps you can relate processing emotions other people's emotions and projections are definitely something that I learned to do and let be a part of the process, be part of my evolutionary process, but it is all a choice, and so this is your invitation to choose, because let me tell you, we don't always have to go to the depths of beyond before we allow ourselves To reprieve. And this is really from my own experience, and knowing that this can often be another form of lots of different woundings, not just the persecution wound, and I will go into more of this on another episode at some point, I but for now, I'm back. I thought I was back, but I'm definitely back now. Thank you for listening. I'll see you again next week. Bye.