Ashley Carpentier shares her insights and advice for parents when it comes to eating disorders, body image, healthy relationships with food, self talk, and role modeling.

Ashley covers:

• Myths about eating disorders
• Signs of a possible eating disorder
• Why to avoid the word "diet"
• Healthier approaches to food
• What parents can do to support their daughters

To learn more about Ashley Carpentier and her work:

• Visit www.ashleycarpentier.com
• Instagram: @ashleyranaecarpentier
• FB: www. facebook.com/groups/learningtoloveyourselfcommunity
• Ashley also recently published her Self-Care Journal! The Self-Care Journal simplifies taking care of yourself so you can incorporate the practices daily. The journal provides space to process your daily routines including: self-care activities and times, tracking emotions, food, and movement. Self-Care ideas are included. The simpler the self-care, the more we can take care of ourselves. Let's revolutionize self-care!  https://form.jotform.com/213004202308133

If an eating disorder is affecting you or someone you care about,  please seek out support and additional information.  There are organizations that are ready and willing to help.

The National Eating Disorders Association has many resources at nationaleatingdisorders.org.  Call or text the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237 for support, resources, and treatment options for yourself or a loved one. Helpline volunteers are trained to help you find the support and information you need.

Here's a list of other organizations that help individuals struggling with eating disorders, as well as provide support for families and caregivers.

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

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If you liked the podcast, please leave a positive review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify -- I will send you good vibes til the end of days!

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Hello, all I'm Carmelita too.

And welcome to Know them.

Be them.

Raise them.

show to help busy, mindful growth oriented moms stay informed and

inspired as they navigate their daughter's tween and teen years.

With most episodes running about 20 minutes or less.

If you're interested in hearing from experts, authors, therapists, coaches,

moms, who've been there, and hear a curated selection of articles, be

sure to follow or subscribe and follow

@ @ Track 1: at

knowberaisethem

on Instagram.

So not too long ago, one of my daughters vented in frustration that she looked fat.

Mind you, she is lean and fit.

And that was the first I had heard her express something like this.

So the comment seemed to come out of nowhere and I wondered about it.

Did she truly feel bad about her body?

Did she really see herself as overweight?

As I mulled over this, I also realized that while I've talked about and have

interviewed guests about body image self-confidence and negative self-talk

I hadn't covered- the mental health conditions that involve an unhealthy

fixation on weight and body shape and food, also known as eating disorders.

According to Johns Hopkins university.

The most common age of onset for eating disorders is between 12 and 25.

Anorexia and bulimia, respectively, affect 0.5% and two to 3% of

women over their lifetime.

Although eating disorders can affect anyone at any life stage,

they're most often reported in adolescents and young women.

In fact, the National Institute of Health states that up to 13% of

youth may experience at least one eating disorder by the age of 20.

That is some heavy data.

Thankfully my guest this week, Ashley Carpentier was willing to

sit down and talk through this complicated and emotional topic.

Ashley has a master's in mental health counseling and a

background in health and wellness.

She's a therapist as well as an online mental wellness coach with a

history of working with individuals with eating disorders, including

many adolescents and teens.

Through her work, ashley has learned a lot about self-love and how important it is.

And her ultimate goal is to simplify self-love in a world

that tries to over-complicate it.

Here's our conversation.

Ashley.

Thank you so much for joining me this morning.

I'd love to start with a quick summary of how you became a school

therapist and discovered your passion for working with people especially

girls with eating disorders.

well, first of all, thank you so much for having

me I'm excited to share today.

it all started in high school.

I took a psychology class and that kind of just sparked my interest in all

things, mental health, eating disorders.

and I also have always had this desire to just help people and listen to people.

so I went to college for counseling.

I got my bachelor's in family and counseling.

And then I got my masters in mental health counseling.

So I've always been super interested in mental health and

specifically eating disorders.

Hmm.

While I was in grad school, actually, I started working

at an eating disorder clinic because it was kind of my dream all along is

to just help those women . And so, I jumped in, and I learned so much

about eating disorders and how to help women and girls with eating disorders.

I did transition from the clinic to school-based mental health therapy.

Um, I, I love working with adolescents.

And so it was kind of a perfect fit for me.

I have just a variety of everything.

Which is nice, but eating disorders is kind of where I love to work.

So I'd love to start with myths around eating disorders.

Can you name some, are there any, I, cause I know I have some thoughts

about what eating disorders look like, or I'd love to hear if there are

kind of myths, you'd love to dispel.

Yeah.

So there are two that are really big.

The first one is that all eating disorders happen to girls and that is not true.

It is more prevalent in girls.

It's a higher percentage of girls.

But it does happen in men and I think that's often overlooked and that

men often don't get the treatment that they need because you know,

Yeah.

don't see it

Sure.

And certainly as a society, we're not really encouraging, generally

of, as encouraging of, men to share their feelings and feel comfortable,

you know, being vulnerable.

Yeah.

Um, and then the other one is that, you have to be skinny

to have an eating disorder,

Hmm.

Um, and that's very false.

There's all kinds of eating disorders and they're all valid.

Yeah.

You know, this maybe is a good segue into what are the causes?

Like how do we know?

what triggers.

I think that it's hard to tell from the surface.

So if we know what the causes are, then maybe that might attune our brains as

parents and moms to, to be sensitive to the possibility of it existing.

So yeah.

Can you dive a little into that?

Yeah.

This one is kind of hard because honestly there's a lot of causes.

It could be a lot of different things.

A lot of it comes down to control and feeling like they

can't control other things.

and a lot of times it's related to their body image.

So, not feeling good in their body feeling like they're fat or , whatever, it may be.

A lot of times it's linked to that.

And having negative thoughts about their body, um, there is,

body dysmorphic disorder where this is basically where they see

themselves as bigger than they are.

You know, like those fun mirrors It's kinda like that.

Like, they, they feel that they appear bigger than they are.

almost always, they're not happy with their body.

Okay.

So a lot of it comes back to that control.

you know, things that happened in the past can always lead to an eating disorder.

So like with binge eating disorder, maybe they didn't get enough food in the past.

Like maybe they were deprived or neglected as a kid.

And so they're going to binge eat as an adult , you know, to make up for that.

So what would you say are some of the,

I guess warning signs that, uh, that parents can look out for?

Yeah.

Well, it kind of differs with the different eating disorders.

Uh so like, for example, with binge eating, You know, eating when they're

not hungry, eating until they're sick.

Of course they do some of this in secret.

So, you know, if you notice, um, a lot of missing food wrappers, things

like that, that's a warning sign that they are eating that they're bingeing.

Okay.

Yeah.

On the other side, if, they're skipping meals,

if you're noticing them not eating.

So for me, I grew up in a family where we sat down and

ate dinner together every night.

So like, if we skipped dinner, that would be really out of the ordinary.

But I know some people, they don't do that.

Like they don't sit down and eat meals together.

So like be aware if your kids are skipping meals, not eating that kind of thing.

So that's a really big warning sign for that.

And then there's things like, fluctuation of weight, which isn't always obvious,

but, um, could be a warning sign.

Um, if they're purging.

So with bulemia they will binge and then Do something to get rid of it.

So a lot of times that'll cause dental problems it'll cause calluses on the hands

from putting their hand and biting down.

is it on the palms or it's on a.

Um, it's like on the knuckles.

So they put their hand down to, you know, make themselves and

then their teeth bites down.

Oh my gosh.

Well, that's that's I had no idea

And then, really it'll cause some big mood swings.

So if you noticed, I mean, in adolescents, that's kind of normal, you know, their

needs are all over the place, but if it's extreme, going up and down,

um, that could be a warning sign.

Again, extreme concern with body weight, anything like that.

Making comments that they don't like their body.

That's a big warning sign.

Okay.

That makes sense.

And so , the discontent, so , if our daughter is displaying discontent or

unhappiness with how she looks, at what point does it become kind of a

cause for concern Like, if a teen says they're on a diet, is that something we

should have our spidey senses up about, or I guess it depends on the context.

I'd just like to hear, about that a little more.

Yeah.

So this is kind of like a touchy subject, you know, dieting.

I think it depends, first of all, I just, I don't love the word dieting,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: either me either.

it just has a negative connotation and, I think

i f someone truly needs to lose weight for their health, I think

that's a whole different story.

And you know, looking at the food they're eating is good.

Um, but it's not about the deprivation.

It's about making sure they're getting the things they need.

And I think that's where we need to shift is not looking at dieting

because dieting is kind of linked with restriction, you know?

And I think turning that to, you know, how can I fuel my body?

And, you know, eat things in moderation and, you know, not eat all junk food,

but maybe sometimes like once in a while.

But also, eating fruits and vegetables.

And so I think there's no perfect answer.

Yeah, right.

Um, I think looking at it as taking care of your body rather

than, dieting, does that make sense?

Yes.

Well, I think of it a little bit, or it resonates with me because, another

person I spoke with, um, for the podcast, about body image and self confidence in

girls, kind of talking about your body as a instrument and not an ornament.

Yes.

similarly, I think if with food, you know,

treating it as a fuel and, wanting to kind of optimize the functioning

of your body versus, Tying it to how your body looks or that sort of thing.

That's kinda how I'm hearing that.

Yeah, exactly.

I know when I first heard of that, like,

Not an ornament, but an instrument.

It was just a little catch phrase that in my brain, I think is buried

in there somewhere so that when I am choosing my words about food or about

exercise or, healthy habits, that's what I'm trying to focus on is the,

you know, how does this make you feel?

Does it make your body stronger

I love that because none of those things are bad.

You know, food is good.

Exercise is good.

Um, it's just what we use in for.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that makes complete sense.

So what can we do to support our daughters, especially, you

know, if we see certain things

. Ashley Carpentier: I think it's important.

Not to push them.

I know that can be hard when, you want the best for your daughter.

But really like being there, but not pushing, listening to them, you know truly

listening to what's going on for them.

And being patient because, you know, eating disorders, they

have so many ups and downs.

One of the most important things is just being there for them, um, and letting them

know, like you're there to support them.

You won't always understand what they're going through.

But they will ultimately appreciate you just being there and supporting them.

And another important thing is not talking about food and weight.

I know that.

Can be difficult not to talk about.

Cause it's, it can be a part of our normal conversation, but it

can actually be really triggering to girls with eating disorders.

You never know what will make them feel bad about themselves.

A good rule is to just not talk about numbers.

we had that rule at the eating disorder clinic, and I think

it's a good rule to keep is just, you know, numbers don't matter.

And ultimately teaching them how to take care of themselves is what matters.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Mm, I love that.

So,

not talking about food and weight.

Are there ways that we can kind of keep the lines of communication open?

If you sense that your daughter.

Is kind of thinking about it too much and maybe bringing it up or

like saying I can't eat that it's too fattening or I can't do this.

Are there ways we can counteract those statements?

Yeah.

I think one of the ways is using it as a teaching moment, you know,

if they say I can't eat this food, maybe, you know, explaining what

this food does for your body or, reminding them that you need food.

And just kind of going back to that encouragement and, patience,

Yeah.

because they might still defy you.

But I think, you know, encouraging them, does that make sense?

I think so.

. You know, there might be a judgment associated with food.

And whether it's said by our daughter or by another family member, like, oh,

that junk or, um, is that something you'd discourage, like the judgment around food?

I guess I'm curious if that's something we should be avoiding.

Yeah, for sure.

I think that all food is good.

So even what you'd consider quote

unquote junk food, it can be okay.

obviously I'm not saying eat junk food all the

Right?

Like go eat Takis 24 7.

no.

no.

You know, every once in a while maybe you do and that's okay.

I think it comes back to, having that balance of, fueling your

body and, you know, also eating the things that you enjoy.

And so, those comments about, you shouldn't eat that.

Or, um, anything like that really can be triggering some girls.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: and it's subtle too.

I feel like, even just calling, uh, food junk food or, uh, we don't eat that crap.

Like I, I could imagine it sets up a framework in someone's head.

You know, maybe even if they want to be rebellious or they want to feel like

they're in control or doing something that maybe isn't part of an approved,

lifestyle than that might kind of push them to make decisions in that realm.

Yeah.

And you know, it's part of our culture to think like that, these

comments and stuff are just.

It's diet culture.

Um, and it's, it's how we are, you know, we're surrounded with it.

These comments and these thoughts about food, they're just all over

social media and, we're raised with.

So true on the topic of social media, how

do you think it helps or hurts?

How can parents get involved?

If, if we, if we're lucky enough to have that relationship where we can manage

and help our daughter manage that, can you talk a little bit about what ha you

know, how social media factors into all.

Yeah, I think now it affects this a lot.

maybe more than we even realize, um, because you know, Younger kids

now are on there all the time.

and so they're constantly comparing themselves to other girls that maybe

look the way that they want to look.

And so it's a constant reminder of how they don't look and just encouraging

that eating disorder, traits basically.

So I think.

Just teaching them, you know, how to positively use social media.

So teaching them, to follow positive accounts that encourage them , rather

than, a accounts that are tearing them down, I think is really important.

Hmm.

Hmm.

I like that being proactive aspect of social media.

I like what you said about encouraging your daughters to follow

positive accounts so that we are in control , it's not something that.

We can tell them not to use , but kind of using it smarter and, being

empowered to make decisions about what you're letting into your consciousness

and into your frame of reference.

I think that's great.

Yeah.

And like I said earlier often makes you like they're out of control and this

is something that they can control.

Yeah.

So, um, would you encourage parents to talk to their daughters

about this, even if they don't see any reason to be concerned.

Like, is it okay or would you encourage parents to talk about

eating disorders when it doesn't seem to be an issue at all.

Yes, absolutely.

This is kind of like, with suicide, it's often, thought of that.

Like, if you talk about suicide, it's going to put this thought in their head

and they're going to want to do it more,

right.

And the options on the table.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it actually informs them and it does not encourage them.

So it's kinda the same with this, just because we talk about

eating disorders doesn't mean, it's going to encourage your child to.

Engage in these behaviors, I actually think, start as young as you can, not

necessarily talking about eating disorders, but teaching them how to take

care of their body and love themselves.

You know, just teach them to have self-love and take care of themselves.

And I think that is as a parent, one of the best things you can do.

Yeah,

I think another part important part about that is not.

I encourage moms to not talk about their bodies.

Because I see a lot of kids that come in, who they've heard negative comments,

their whole lives from their moms.

And that definitely encourages the eating disorders.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: that is fascinating.

Um, the importance of role modeling to your kids.

we have to be the person we want our kids to be.

So if we don't want our kids to feel terribly about their bodies or talk about

their bodies in certain way, we have to make sure we're not doing it to ourselves.

Yeah.

For sure.

So I'd love to close with maybe an

affirmation or favorite quote you have

my favorite affirmation is I am enough.

Um

body, mind, everything.

I am enough.

I always get chills when I hear that.

It is such a good one.

Yeah.

I'm so grateful to Ashley for sharing her

insights, advice, and encouragement.

Around these interconnected topics of eating disorders, body image.

Healthy relationships with food self-talk and role modeling.

Here are my key takeaways from our chat.

Number one.

Eating disorders can stem from many factors.

Body image issues and a desire to have a sense of control are common ones.

But it can be difficult to pinpoint one specific cause.

Number two.

Some red flags include an ongoing, extreme concern with their weight making

negative comments about their body.

Big mood swings bigger than what you might expect at this age.

And restricting food intake, avoiding food and not eating can

be hard to notice if your family doesn't routinely eat together.

But try to be aware of this.

And note that signs of binge eating it include empty wrappers and food

containers, food going missing.

And potentially dental issues and calluses on their knuckles.

If it's been going on for awhile.

Number three.

Be wary of the term dieting, which is tied to restriction.

Instead, try to look at food as fuel.

Remind your daughter, that her body is an instrument, not an ornament.

So choose foods that will help it function and help her feel better.

Number four, avoid talking about weight, especially if you sense that

your daughter may be overly concerned with her body and food and her weight.

Uh, a good rule of thumb is to not talk about numbers.

Focus instead on what it means to take care of yourself and what feels healthy.

Number five.

Remember all food is fine.

We just want to eat food inappropriate amounts for the right reasons.

Labeling food as junk or crap.

Isn't really helpful.

So eat food you enjoy in moderation.

That's healthy.

Number six.

Encourage positive use of social media.

Teach your daughter, how to look for accounts that make her feel

better about herself and her body.

And number seven.

Talk about self-love and taking care of yourself.

A lot it's never too early or too late to start.

And keep doing it.

Be sure to model self-love as well.

If you, as a parent put down your body, your daughters will internalize these

beliefs and exhibit this behavior to.

If you were like me, this conversation really sparked an interest in how we can

prevent eating disorders from manifesting.

While it's clear.

There's no silver bullet.

Ashley's comments are echoed by the national eating disorders association or

NEDA, which says that prevention efforts can include reducing negative risk factors

like body dissatisfaction, depression, or basing self-esteem on appearance.

And increasing positive factors.

Like helping your daughter define herself outside of her looks.

Replacing dieting and body snarking with more intuitive eating.

And appreciating what her body can do over her body's appearance.

If an eating disorder is affecting you or someone you care about, please seek

out support and additional information.

NEDA has many resources@nationaleatingdisorders.org.

You can call or text their helpline.

Um, they also have an online chat function.

They're volunteers are trained to help you find the support and information you need.

Links to NEDA and other helpful organizations are

posted in the show notes.

If you're interested in learning more about Ashley Carpentier and her work,

you can visit Ashley Carpentier.

That's Ashley.

C a R P E N T I E R.

Carpenter with an added I m.com.

She's also on Instagram at Ashley Renee Carpentier.

And she has a Facebook group, facebook.com/groups/learning

to love yourself community.

She also recently published a self care journal, which

simplifies taking care of yourself.

So you can incorporate the practices daily.

These links are all in the show notes as well.

So do check them out.

Thanks for joining today for such an important topic.

If you found this show helpful, remember to follow or subscribe, tell a friend.

And follow at.

Noby raised them on Instagram.

Feel free to DM me there or on Facebook, if you have show

ideas, questions, comments.

Or just want to say hi.

Again, I'm grateful for you.

And I applaud you for listening.

And here's to strong women.

May we know them?

May we be them?