November 14, 2024

This episode explores the importance of making room to receive support, particularly for women and communities who often give so much of themselves. We have an engaging conversation that highlights how societal conditioning can make it challenging to accept help while also emphasizing the value of community connection. Zakiya shares her journey of self-discovery and the transformative power of practices like mirror work and microdosing, which have helped her gain clarity and connect more deeply with her emotions. The discussion also touches on the significance of authenticity and how being true to oneself can foster deeper relationships and understanding. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their needs and desires, reminding each other that it's okay to step back and allow others to support them in times of stress.

Thanks to S&K Tea & Coffee for their sponsorship. Use code: SHEANAH for 15% off at https://sandkteaandcoffee.com/

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Who you calling holistic?

Shiana.

Hi, welcome to who you calling holistic?

I am your host, Shiana Rivers.

I know it has been a while, but I don't even have a real excuse to give you either.

But I do have a wonderful guest with me again today.

I've brought back Zakiya.

Hey, girl.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm so glad to be here.

Welcome back.

Thank you.

I'm glad you're back.

I'm glad I'm back too.

I don't think you need an excuse.

No, that's.

That's fair.

The world has been shambly.

Yeah.

People need rest.

Yeah, that's fair.

And I saw a post recently that was like, you know, shows have seasons.

It's not like a.

It's not a whole length or.

It's not a year long process.

There's like a season and then.

Right, right.

And I was like, you know what?

I need to start seeing this that way as well.

For sure.

For sure.

I just need to probably pick my season, though.

Yeah.

To stick with maybe a number of episodes.

We'll sort that out.

It's one of those, like when you're the.

It's not that I'm the first doing it, but I don't really follow many of the others to be like, oh, yeah, this is how they do it.

And you know, so the first in.

Proximity, like in your community.

I mean.

Yeah.

An hour.

I don't know anybody else that has a podcast with this kind of reach.

Same.

Thank you.

So we always do very well with these.

Anyway.

And this was on the schedule to record like we had discussed months ago.

Months.

We discussed maybe a week after the last episode.

Yes.

That you needed to come back on because you still had some stuff to say.

I did.

Surprise.

Shocker.

And then we scheduled it and then some other stuff happened and it Was like, okay, well, all right.

So it's right on time, as always, perfectly timed.

But before we get into the content.

Content that we had already discussed.

We needed to discuss.

I wanted to talk about something real quick.

Sure.

So a few days ago on Instagram, you shared a car rant.

Yeah.

What was the title of that rant?

Or what was the subject?

Martyrdom.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yes.

Okay, cool.

So back when.

Let me give you some.

Let me give you some context or let me give you a backstory too, because.

Relatable.

We learned about chakra stuff.

Forgot.

Completely forgot that I learned any of that.

Right.

And now I'm like, oh, shit, I've been.

I learned that forever ago.

It makes sense that I, you know, reintegrating it with the things I do now, but I learned about it forever ago.

And I remember even somebody that went to massage school was like, you know, we learned that.

Right?

And I was like, did we?

Yeah, I was like, yeah, like, go through your.

Go through your.

Your resources again.

And I was like, oh, we did learn that.

For sure.

I didn't know that.

My bad.

Yeah.

It's been a long time, right?

Yes.

20.

20.

21, maybe.

Ish.

Sure.

Okay.

So it's been a while.

It has.

But every now and then we have conversations, and then I say to you, have you.

Have you looked at your design?

And I say, no.

Yep.

So I pulled up your design earlier just to have a glance.

Yeah.

You know, because I remembered some stuff.

Which is weird, because why do I remember this?

But anyway, I remembered some stuff, but I was like, let me just go back and look, because she clearly needs some reminders.

I'm open.

Cool.

So Your profile is a 1 3.

Okay.

Which is called the Investigator Martyr.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, is it really?

It is.

It is.

I didn't know that.

Yep.

Did we?

If you.

Yeah.

Yep.

Okay.

Worst years of my life.

Fair.

That's fair.

That's fair.

That's fair.

Fair.

That is fair.

But you are a 13 investigator martyr.

You're in good company.

Because Snoop, he's a 1 3.

Okay.

Look at his life.

I can.

I.

I like Snoop.

I want to say Martha Stewart's a 13 also.

Okay.

But when you think about the lives they've lived, a Lot of.

They're the first in a lot of things as well.

Yes.

And they've brought solutions to problems that they've recognized.

Yes.

Right.

I do that.

I know.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

Because the line three in human design is very much lived by trial and error.

So your life's work always is trial and error.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Just trying.

Just throwing spaghetti at the wall with intention though.

Yes.

Yes.

Because that is what you were designed to do.

Sure.

Because the investigator part.

Got it.

Okay.

So a few other things about your human design.

Your incarnation cross, which is your life purpose.

Your path is the cross of the vessel of love.

So this brings life purpose rooted in self, love, authenticity and a unique aura of charisma.

Yeah.

You are a leader through example.

Yes.

By embodying authenticity and self acceptance, you lead others to find their own sense of purpose and self worth.

Have I not been screaming we got to talk about embodiment on here for.

Oh, yeah, we'll get to that in a moment too.

That's.

That's.

You just said.

Sure.

We're not even at.

We're not even there yet.

Got it.

That's one of the channels we're about to discuss.

That's next step.

Got it.

So a few of your channels.

You have the 10 to 57 channel, which is intuitive leadership.

Yes.

You are natural at leadership.

And you have this instinctive awareness of what's safe and right in the moment.

You often make split second decisions that serve the greater good.

Protecting and guiding others with a grounded, calm presence.

These are just a couple notes, by the way.

So bizarre.

Is it?

No.

But yes, because.

What.

What are you reading from my journal, Girl?

I told you all this stuff four years ago.

I know.

I was in despair.

I was certain the world was ending along with my life.

Well, what.

I'm great.

Everything's good.

Well, everything is not great.

The world is shambly.

Yes, but I.

People, other people think the world is ending.

And it is mostly my job to convince them that it's not.

Shocker.

You are a.

You also have.

I'll get to that one.

Because that's the one.

That's the embodiment one.

We'll come to that last.

It's a channel of raw power combined with keen intuition.

Known for being driven and proactive.

You can quickly identify opportunities and act with precision, encouraging action in others.

You also have a resilient energy.

You're steadfast in high energy environments and naturally led by example, moving with an energy that others find contagious.

Mm.

You're also a courageous trailblazer.

This is your channel of initiation, known for bravery and heart.

You're often.

You often challenge others to step out of their comfort zones.

And this channel supports a fearless approach to leadership, inspiring people to grow.

And you're also an inclusive leader.

Yes.

You have a knack for creating a community or tribe that feels supported and valued, often leading from a place of compassion and empowerment.

You know, it's usually very uncomfortable for me to listen to people talk about me for any amount of time.

I really prefer not to do that.

And you're on camera and microphone and all.

I have been over here.

Like, allow yourself to be.

Because that all feels very affirming.

It feels like good things.

It's not new information.

That's the thing.

It's not new.

I mean, it's.

It's all.

I mean, it's.

That's pretty.

That's pretty dead on.

Yeah, that is me.

That's who I am.

And then this last one.

These aren't even all your channels, by the way.

I just wanted to pull a few, I'm sure.

Yes, send me that.

I just wanted to pull a few.

Didn't we record your.

I feel like we recorded.

We recorded it.

It was on.

It's on Zoom.

I'll find out.

Remind me to find it.

Yes, it was.

Because all this information's there too.

And I'm sure at that time I was like, dang, this is crazy.

I have no.

I have no memory.

That's all right.

Yeah, that's all right.

And also, so if anybody is listening that has had a design reading from me in the past, go ahead and listen to it again.

Because I still listen to mine from time to time that I had.

And I'm like, oh, that's a good.

I didn't even know.

That's a great note.

I think you should do this for everybody that comes on.

Should read there.

Oh, like.

Like an idea.

Some highlights.

I like that.

It gives a little insight.

I like that.

Do people.

Well, somebody might listen to this and not know that we are friends and have done life.

Do.

Do.

We do.

We can't do that every time that I come.

We can.

Okay, there's some new listeners.

Yes, there's some new listeners.

There better be some new listeners, period.

But we're friends.

We've known each other since college.

Yes.

So lastly, this is the one that you had said something on Instagram or you had shared something at one point.

And then I was like, don't you have.

And you were like, I don't know.

And.

And I was like, I'm pretty sure you have this because we both have this channel.

So this is the.

And it is gift of skill mastery.

It's the channel of talent.

Okay.

This channel combines depth and talent leading to mastery in chosen areas.

You're highly skilled and enjoy sharing knowledge with others.

Yes.

You have a unique ability to transform raw skills into expert insights, often guiding others to new levels of understanding and confidence.

So I had brought this channel up before because we were discussing your gig that you had with SC State.

No, Claflin.

Claflin, thank you.

Yeah.

Because you got that gig, and we discussed that before you got in that gig just off of your knowledge, not off certifications, not like knowledge and being in the field and actually doing the work that you talk about doing.

Yeah.

And we were discussing, like, there are some people that take class after class, course after course, and you can do all of those things, but if you don't actually embody what you have learned, then what's the point?

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I.

I landed that position in a meeting about something totally unrelated for that opportunity.

That meeting that we had actually went nowhere.

The thing that we met to do never happened, of course, but that's not.

What the meeting was really for.

Yeah.

But, yeah, we.

Yeah, I was able to teach that social justice course, and it has led to opportunities for me to teach that course possibly next year at two more schools.

Very nice.

Yes.

Congratulations.

Very excited about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With no master's degree, which was always my thing, I was like, oh, I would love to teach college, but I have a master's.

So I really never even pursued it.

Did not even pursue it in that meeting.

It just fell in your lap.

And is that like a manifesting generator thing?

Yes, in a way.

So a manifesting generator, A lot of times what happens is if you are not in your flow of work, or if you're not in your.

Let me just say, if you're not in your flow.

Let me not even say work.

If you are not in your flow, you may act or move like a manifester, and a manifester initiates things.

We're not here to initiate.

We are magnetic and attract our opportunities and experiences very much.

Right place, right time, and there's always going to be something to respond to.

So we wait to respond when we get that.

Fuck.

Yes.

Within it's like, oh, yeah, want that.

And then once we do that, things just roll for us.

And they just.

Like that class.

That was.

That's why.

Yeah.

That felt like that.

I never thought, you know, I did it and kept moving, but that I was like, I think this is one of those things where it's like, that just came to me.

And yeah, it's been.

I had.

I had a great time teaching that and I want to do more of that, but I would have never put myself out there for it because I didn't think I was qualified.

And that's very unlike me.

You know that.

Right.

But also, you.

You don't have the.

You don't have to put yourself out there for what you do.

You will always attract what you need to attract.

Yes.

And whatever resources, whatever tools, whatever people like you will always magnetize that.

Yes.

All of my work right now has come to me.

Nothing I do for work right now was something I sought out.

So, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm a.

I'm going to be a hand model this weekend.

I love that.

And it's again, like, makes me look at your hands.

I got nice hands.

You do have nice.

Thank you.

I've just never looked.

Well, yeah, you know, these are.

These are my money makers with my.

Yeah, that's why.

So, I mean, to me it's kind of like, well, maybe.

Maybe they be working hard, you know, like, maybe they be.

But if they're in lotion all day.

Girl, I don't know nothing about that.

You have nice hands.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You've had cupping before, but I guess you weren't looking at my hands.

That's fair.

I was enjoying.

That's fair.

That's fair.

Experience.

So what's been your recent experience with embodiment?

My recent experience with embodiment is kind of stuff like what we just talked about, Right.

Like, being open to receive.

I'm someone who's always telling people, like, talk your.

Or like, you know, do your thing or like, be.

Be out there.

And then when people start talking about me, I'm like, girl, it's not.

I said you talking yours.

Don't talk my.

So that.

That feels like embodiment.

Also, that authenticity piece on what you just read is so spot on because I feel like I'm always having to remind myself that I get to be my whole self no matter where I am.

And so that looks like.

I think we talked about this last time, like, wearing Jordans and girls in the lobby, like, and not being concerned with respectability.

Like that's embodiment.

It's like, who are you and who are you willing to be in this moment?

It also looks like having really hard conversations, like, really holding my boundaries, actually initiating those conversations, not waiting.

Because I am someone who's like, I don't start fights.

I say that all the time.

I will fight, but I don't start it.

No, that's that manifesting generator to respond.

Yes, yes.

So it's like, if you come over here with it, I got something for you, but if you stay over there, I'll leave you alone.

And there.

There have been instances more recently in my life, I think, where I'm like, I'm gonna have to call this person and say something to them about this.

Sometimes even just, like, energetic thing that I'm feeling.

Like I have to even cut it off before it even happens to me.

That feels like embodiment, embodying my values and being really fully aware of what I want my life to look like and feel like and move like, and flow like, and being willing to, like, embody that in the ways that don't always feel good.

And I just get so frustrated sometimes with the people that I love because I feel like we are so smart.

I.

I work with and around, and I'm friends with a lot of my friends I work with, which is really beautiful.

So I.

I say work with, but, like, my.

My people that I do life with, my community, so brilliant.

And we do a lot of.

Like this.

It feels like cerebral acrobatics.

Like, we will talk about how things should be and what we want and how we want to feel and look and what we deserve.

And then sometimes it's right there in front of us and we do not embody those ways of being to have those things that we want.

And so I.

I think that's why it's been on my heart so often lately, because I feel like I'm stepping into.

We were just talking about seasons.

I'm really stepping into the season.

Also a very churchy thing to say.

Is it?

Yeah.

I know.

You don't always be knowing the churchy stuff.

I don't.

Yeah.

Black churches love to talk about, like, seasons.

Like, it's your season.

There's a song about, like, it's my season for grace, for favor.

Or like, in this season of your life, you gotta da da da da.

And I believe that, you know, I still, you know, I still have all of that in me.

I am.

I am in a season of, like, embodying who I know I've been Called to be very boldly without judging myself or being like, girl, are you being like self important or are you being like a know it all?

Are you trying to tell people what to do?

And it's like, girl, no.

I just know.

I can see this thing and I have to say it.

And I.

A big part of what I'm trying to communicate or what I'm communicating and a lot of the messages that I've been sharing lately is like, y'all, it's time for us to really just do the things.

We can't keep talking about it.

We have to do it.

And that's embodiment in the smallest ways.

Like, if we want to be healthier, we gotta move and we have to eat right and we gotta drink water.

The water is so hard for me, really.

Still.

Still my whole life.

And it's like, I know it's.

I have to do this.

I just.

It's.

It's.

It's hard.

But I can't keep talking about why it's hard.

Right?

So, yeah, I think there's something.

There's a disconnect and I have.

Do not have this figured out.

That's why I'm like, we got to talk about it.

There's.

It's such.

It's something I run into multiple times a day with multiple people who I trust more than anyone on, like, it's people that are like the smartest people I know.

And I'm just like, what is in the way of us embodying the values and ways of being that we know are necessary to have the things that we want?

What is that?

So it's funny you should ask.

Yeah.

I perhaps have an answer.

I have an answer.

This isn't necessarily the answer.

Yeah.

But one of the things that comes up a lot in this space, especially as a caregiver, is and especially for those who may have grown up very churchy or just have.

We've discussed, you know, visibility and being perceived and stuff is there's this thing that people talk about with the witch wound and it's very much.

Especially women in leadership positions or gifted women or, you know, that kind of thing is.

In a past life, we were persecuted for being visible with our gifts and expressing that like we know how to fix something or help with something.

Right.

So that comes up with some of the work that we do now, but also as a.

As somebody that has done work as like an energy healer, but also somebody that identifies as a creative.

I see both elements with this work as well.

So when we think about self expression and creation.

Yeah.

Those two energy centers are sacral and throat.

Right.

Sacral is very much emotions, but that's creativity.

If you are not connected to your emotions enough or if there's a blockage there, or if you're too emotional, whatever the case, you're not going to express that.

Right.

Or if you don't feel like what you're expressing is being heard.

Yeah.

It's going to be suppressed in your emotions and that builds up too.

And then when you look at these two energy centers, the throat center and the uterus, they look the same.

Like the.

They.

Yeah, the.

So it's a.

They go hand in hand.

Yeah, they go hand in hand.

So are we thinking it's a block or it's just imbalanced?

Maybe.

Or it could be either.

Either.

It could be either because sometimes there's a block where like you just, you don't want to do the work or you don't, you don't want to unblock it.

Right.

Because sometimes that it's heavy.

Right.

Like what, what am I going to unpack?

Yes.

Working on that.

Yes.

Yeah, I think, I think that's, I think that is definitely.

I mean I've had that experience where sometimes I'm like, I'm not ready to do, I'm not ready to do that.

Yeah, I don't want to, I don't want, I don't want to right now.

I don't have the space for that.

I don't, like, I don't, I don't have the capacity to navigate that.

So I'm going to leave it.

But I.

To your point, to what you're reading earlier, I am very solution oriented.

Like I want to get to like, you know that when you come with the thing, I'm like, well, what do we want and how do we get it?

I think the path is right here.

What's keeping us from, from walking it.

And that has picked up in the last year or so in a way that I cannot even put into words.

And sometimes I have to like dial it back a little bit because it can be.

I, I think it can feel insensitive, like not making enough room for the humanity of like people being afraid.

I just feel like we don't got time to be scared, you know.

But you're there now.

Yes, but look how long it took you.

Right, Right.

But also like look at the community that you have around you for sure.

So there are a lot more, there's a lot more support that you have with that.

And some people are stepping into the work that they're here to do without that proper support yet.

Yes.

And I'm like, what does support look like?

And when people can't tell me, that's when I'm like, that's what.

That's the first step.

So you're still.

You still got to keep moving.

You can't just.

You know, I'm always asking, like, what does support look like?

I quote that on here all the time from you.

Yeah, I stole that from Vivian Anderson.

Shout out to Vicky.

I mean, it's.

We have.

I just don't.

I hate to see people be stagnant, especially when you can tell that it's usually rooted in some kind of fear or.

Or it.

I just think it's usually rooted in fear.

And.

And of course, there are very real societal barriers.

We don't got to get into that.

And I know that that's.

If you know me, you know, I know that, too.

So that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about when it's like you want something or you're in something that you know is not for you.

What is keeping you from.

From getting that out of your life or getting out of the comfort.

You don't.

You're not comfortable because you're on my line.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you can't.

It's one of those, like, especially when it's a habit and it's just ingrained in your routine and it's a regular occurrence.

It.

It's difficult sometimes to navigate.

Like, what does this look like?

What does life look like without moving this way?

Yes.

I mean, there are certain parts of my work that I don't enjoy.

And I think the reason I can tolerate it because I don't want to make it.

Like, yeah, nothing in my life is that.

That's not true.

There are.

There are parts of my work that I don't enjoy.

And I have a very.

I know why I'm doing what I'm doing, so I can tolerate the discomfort to an extent, because I know that it is a means to an end.

It's a path to something else that I'm trying to build or that the.

The outcome, you know, outweighs the.

The annoyance.

It can't be harmed, though.

And I think that's where I.

I really want us to.

To get into.

And I think one of your bullet points will get us to this point I'm about to make, but to.

I want us.

When I say us, you know, I'm always talking about black women.

If it's for other people, too, that's beautiful.

But, like, for us to ask ourselves the tough questions about what do.

What do you want?

And that's so bizarre that it's a tough question, but it's a really hard question for a lot of black women.

And then when you get past that, like, ask yourself what's keeping you from having it?

And first step is like, get that stuff out of the way.

And it's like, so now what, girl?

You got a clean slate.

You got.

You got all the stuff that do you have.

Are things missing?

How do we.

How do we embody the values and ways of being as quickly as possible so that we can make our way to the life that, you know, we desire and deserve?

And.

And I think that, you know, we are women of a certain age these days, and I'm never trying to tell us that we're too old or we're running out of time or it's too late to start something new, but it is too late to be in something you know, is not for you.

I think it's too late for that.

Agreed.

I'll be 38 next month.

You're not going to say how old you're going to be?

I'll be 39 next month.

Look at you.

Yeah.

I was like, yeah, I don't.

Because we don't look like whatever we were supposed to look like at this age.

So I'm okay with it.

Both of us without hair to flip.

Ball head.

Yeah, that's okay.

We don't.

But that just feels like, girl, I want to be settling to.

Into like I want it to already.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm still building.

I'm ready for my life to feel like I want it to feel right now.

I have a lot of people around me that are like, yeah, once I.

And I'm like, girl, it's time for us to like it.

It's time for us to like it today.

Like, we can't keep.

And I have a.

I get what you're saying, too.

And I.

I have a.

Still, like a.

Cause I am still building.

I know.

Because I have a personal brand.

And it's like, what does that look like?

Like, how long am I building?

Before.

Yeah.

Before the.

The fruit is seen or whatever.

Yeah.

So it's one of those, like, it's a hard.

You gotta navigate.

Yeah.

You gotta navigate where you are with what kind of work you're doing, too.

And I think that's.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

If where we are is not where we want to be.

What do we change today?

Because.

And it's not we're running out of time, but just what are we changing?

We need to be more intentional with the time.

Embody the values that.

Because I think we can identify the values and ways of being that will get us there.

And then really be honest, like, am I embodying those or am I just carrying them?

It's like, yes, I know that's a good way to be.

Are you being it?

Right, well, and then one of the.

I'm talking about human design again.

But one of the things that I remember learning was, okay, so in human design, you know, there's different design types.

You know, you're a manifesting generator.

So the majority of the population are generators and manifesting generators, the majority.

Okay, so when you are a generator or manifesting generator, generators have access to that sacral response that like, fuck yes or fuck no.

But so many people have been conditioned to not trust that fuck yes, fuck no.

So they question it.

But the majority of the population has access to an inner knowing and they're not tuned into it.

Right.

So even the way you were saying, you can ask yourself questions.

I tell people, especially if they know their human design and if they are a generator or manifesting gen.

Manifesting generator to ask yourself yes or no questions because you'll immediately get a yes or no and how to move with that.

Yeah, I do.

And I do.

And that's why I've wrestled so much with the martyrdom narrative, because I get a lot of yeses.

Like I've encountered so much stuff that's like, is that my work?

And my girl's like, yeah.

And I'm like, every.

No.

So I'm like, I'm like, girl, can I get some?

No, I was a little tired sometimes.

Like, so it's about balance and I think that's why I landed at the end of that 10 minute car rant at like, it's about choice because I don't have to do it.

That is what would make me a martyr.

I feel like, I feel like because you have gone through what you've gone through over the years and you've built your community and the support that you have.

You being a martyr is a way different because a martyr is just.

It's also somebody with different beliefs than the mainstream.

Right?

So it's not necessary.

Like it's one of those.

You get to choose how you want to embody that title.

Yeah, yeah.

And I don't.

It.

I Do not feel like a martyr.

There.

There were times in the beginning of my work where I was like, I feel like I'm giving way more than I want to.

And that was way before I even knew who I was.

So I was just.

I was working myself into a deficit.

I don't do that now.

I'm overwhelmed some days, but I still don't.

I go to bed overwhelmed.

That's why I say, you can be.

Like, girl, it's too much going on.

And I go to bed or I send an email like, hey, I turn my autoresponder on on Tuesday.

Yeah, I don't.

I think it's still on.

And that's okay.

Just because I'm still doing the work my way, I'm doing more than I am doing, more than I would like to be doing.

That's just.

That's true.

That doesn't mean I'm not supposed to do it.

And that's right, because who's going to.

Tell you how much you're supposed to be doing other than you, My gut.

And my ancestors and the people that came before me that I have so much love, reverence and respect for.

And people that are still here on the planet that I have so much love, reverence and respect for.

I'm watching people and I'm like, well, I don't see her as a martyr, you know, like.

But also her life or their life is so service led.

Right.

And.

And it's just again, here we are with seasons.

That's a theme.

Like, I had a very restful season.

Like the last.

I would say last September, like, like that year before last September.

I was chilling.

I was doordashing.

Have we talked about this here?

No, not on here.

Yeah, no, I was doordashing.

So I got up and.

And I would doordash if I wanted or I would doordash.

When I got the kids home.

They loved it.

Like, ride around all night giving.

It was.

It was so mindless.

And I made just enough to make sure we were okay.

So I was a little stressed because of like financial pressure, but my brain, like just.

I did not have.

My work was not being generated by my thoughts.

And that was so good for me.

I needed that, like, that, that pause.

And I think more recently I've just been grieving that season.

It was beautiful, but it wasn't supposed to be forever.

And our, our nation is in our state and we're not doing that today.

But we can do it a little bit.

We're here.

Like that's.

I mean, a Little.

A little.

Yeah.

I don't want to do it.

This ain't the show for all that now.

But, you know.

Yeah, I just.

There's.

There's work to be done.

I'm not ready to do it yet.

You're already doing it.

Yeah, but not how I know I'm gonna have to do it.

Okay.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, I know that there are.

I.

There.

There is work that I am called to do that is going to be taxing.

There is a tax, and.

And I have a video about that, too.

I ain't release it yet.

Oh, look at you.

I'm fire.

I have a lot of content right now, and I don't even really feel like it's content.

I just be, like, raging, and then I'm like, I should say this.

Yeah.

And make sure that I make sense.

Also, before I go insane, I want to stop thinking about it.

As soon as I record it, my brain's like, thanks for doing that.

And then.

Do you remember what you've recorded?

Okay.

Yeah, I have a little, like, folder.

Okay.

Yeah.

On my phone.

Look at me.

With some organization.

I'm just saying because sometimes I'll come on here and I've said it before.

Like, I black out after I've recorded.

Do you do say that?

No, I don't have that.

I don't think I have that.

Um, but yeah, one of.

One of those things for me right now is just like, I have.

I have skills that I've learned.

You talked about the classes, how people are, like, will just stockpile all this training.

And so when I first got into, you know, organizing, advocacy, activism, work, I.

I didn't know anything about the intricacies of it, like, how.

How deep in the weeds you can get into, like, when, where, why, how to deploy, which types of things to make sure that your community has what they need.

And I went to trainings and convenings and conferences to learn those things in my, like, mid to late twenties.

I was there.

You saw.

I was there all the time.

And so it was kind of like I learned all that stuff, and then I was able to use it in the work I did with seeds, which was great.

But what I'm realizing is like, oh, that's for now.

Right.

And I didn't know that now was coming.

Right.

So with massage school, that's why I was like, oh, I learned.

I learned all of this already.

That's.

That's called.

That's like, fundamentals.

I talk about it all the time.

Reese is in Soccer.

And he is doing his personal best and he's doing great.

And what I'm always saying is I need him to learn the fundamentals of this game.

No one has taken the time to teach these kids fundamentals.

They just keep ending up on the field trying to figure it out in real time.

And you can tell who people haven't taught these fundamentals, like, what an American approach.

There is utility in understanding the function, the.

The layout of the field, why we.

Do things the way we do them, literally.

And so if the other team has the fundamentals and we don't, then, baby, we losing.

And so I can't.

So of course I want to be at my house chilling, reading, having tea, and, you know, watching the kids play.

But I have the.

I have the fundamentals.

You do for such a time as this.

And so who are me to be on the couch pissed because they not running to play when I got the fundamentals?

When you're the coach, which is why my gut be like, yes, go, go.

I mean, yeah, I think if we're going to talk about it.

Yeah.

The two things that I really foresee organizing around in the very near future are the black women poll worker who was assaulted in Orangeburg by the Trump supporter who was then charged for standing her ground.

She needs people to pull up on her behalf.

I fully intend to do so.

And he needs to know that if he causes harm like that in our state, then he will be there.

He will be held accountable.

And then there was a parade in Mount Pleasant where someone approved afloat, but it was really just a golf cart, but it was like a float with the person in a Trump mask with a common impersonator behind the golf cart and with, like, ropes tied around her wrist to almost look like chains, like they were dragging her super dark and violent.

And I.

Those people have to be held accountable, and a message has to be sent that those types of, you know, behaviors aren't going to be accepted in our state.

And I am not someone who relies on the government to relay those messages.

No, that makes two of us.

So those are.

Those are issues that I'm going to be organizing around.

And I'm going to need support.

I'm going to need people to have our backs.

And I mean, say that louder since you are on a microphone with support.

I'm going to need.

I'm going to need the community to pull up.

And I don't know what that looks like yet, but I have.

If you did know the answer, what would it be?

We don't say I don't know in here.

So if I.

If I did know the answer, I don't accept.

I don't know.

Because we know that's fair.

The first step.

Here's.

Here's why I say I don't know.

I understand the first.

The.

What I would do first.

Thank you.

Is reach out to the poll worker.

And I do know her name, but I'm not gonna share it because I haven't spoken with her yet to find out what support looks like for her.

What does justice look like for her.

You have to ask those questions because for me, it doesn't.

It might not look like it looks for her.

So I can't go.

She might be all earth and water.

And you're in here with the rage and fire blazing.

Let's pull up now.

Right.

Like, I have no idea what this woman wants.

And that will be ego for me to just follow my own desires to see whatever looks like justice for me.

Right.

And that's just not how advocacy work.

You cannot advocate for someone who has not asked for your advocacy.

As for him.

As for him.

Right.

I'm pretty sure he owns a business.

And it will fail here for it.

It will.

It will never prosper.

Nothing he touches can prosper from.

From this day forward.

Now that we know his name.

Yeah.

Here for that.

Yeah.

I could find his name too.

We could.

I'll say his name.

You ain't got to say that on here now, Leah.

I think you can't go behind him.

You know, I think this is.

And I think that's what it looks like.

I don't got to say it on here, but I think.

I think making sure that whatever justice looks like for her happens and support looks like for her happens, but for sure, accountability for him and whoever approved that float and whoever the people were on the flow.

Yeah.

I heard the other day, I don't know if you watched the Meg Thee Stallion documentary.

Not yet.

Okay.

But somebody was saying, like, right after that went off, Tick Tock went and investigated because they showed clips of some of the terrible things people were saying on Twitter and whatnot.

And they found a clip of whatever one of the guys was saying.

He was basically saying, like, she needed to die or something.

And TikTok, he was wearing his ups or FedEx some.

He was wearing his work uniform in the video recording that and did not last long at the job immediately after that documentary went off.

Yeah.

And I was like, y'all gotta stop doing stupid shit on the clock.

Right.

Like, just come on, like Hide the badge, hide whatever.

If you're gonna be doing, if you're gonna be moving that way, be a.

Little more smart about it.

Yeah.

Not wise.

But that just lets you know, like these are the people that they're not thinking that way.

And that's what I'm saying.

It's like, this is low hanging fruit.

I can't.

I cannot.

I can't.

And I did.

And here's another, another way I've tried to overwrite my gut.

I'll have a.

Like, you supposed to do something.

I have been calling everyone I can think of to find out like somebody's organizing around this.

Because this is.

This is outrageous.

And you know, I know people.

Nobody's.

So it's like, girl, it's you.

You know, it's like, so you're gonna keep on looking for people to do something that you feel so called to do.

Do it.

Stop calling, Stop bothering people.

That sounds like some Shiana says.

Yeah.

So it's.

I'm up, I'm up, We up, we up.

I'm here for it.

Yeah.

And even the astrology things and the human design things say like, Like, I'm not gonna say it's.

But I am gonna say that to you.

It's about time.

Yeah.

But it's about time for all of us because especially those of us in service roles.

I've spoken about this on here before.

Yeah.

There are certain things that are happening as we visibly see now that aren't going to last.

And there are things that have.

We've already, you know, planted seeds.

There are ripple effects that are taking place.

Ashe.

Yeah.

We don't.

I don't really like how a lot of it looks.

Yeah.

I'm down.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Which is.

I was getting all those downloads and I was like, oh, God, Shanna.

Yep.

Guns and Gardens.

I don't know.

I don't know which.

We need something.

Yep.

And you know, I am a gun violence, you know, prevention expert.

And so I don't ever.

I've been.

Yeah.

And I've been.

You've been on that aspect of it.

And I'VE been on the.

Y'all need to learn.

You need to learn your roles.

Yes.

And step into them, but also, like, learn what's yours and what isn't.

Because that's also going to help you stay empowered in this work.

For sure.

Because I had somebody call me yesterday, and she was just like, how do you tell the difference between fear and intuition?

Yeah, scary.

And I was like, let's talk.

This seems impersonal via text.

And we spoke, and I was like, first things first.

Have you been on social media a lot this week?

She was like, I mean, girl.

See, let's start there.

Like, when you are highly sensitive, when you are an empathetic person, you have to get control of your own energy and do things like energetic hygiene, spiritual hygiene, things to help reinvigorate what's yours.

Because we carry with the work that we do.

Yeah.

Or we are capable of carrying other people's shit and absorbing other people's shit.

And then if you lean into, you know, the Claire gifts, like, clairsentience, which is great when you're somebody doing, like, massage work, like, oh, I know exactly where they have pain.

But if you're not somebody doing massage work and you're like, why am I in pain?

You need to.

You need to know.

I don't think I have that one.

No, I don't think you have that.

I know you have Claire cognizance.

And I also know.

I think you have clairaudience as well.

That's when I can hear things.

And also, just some songs come to mind sometimes.

Like, why is the song in my head?

And it's a message.

You got that one?

Yep, Yep.

Wake up.

I often wake up with, like, gospel songs on, like, just on a loop, and then I play it and I'm like, oh, got it.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's clear.

Audience.

Yeah, I think we talked about this before.

Taste.

Claire Gustance.

Yeah.

I believe is the name of that.

I've had that happen twice and.

Or salience one of them.

Yeah.

And there's, like, smell and taste.

It was bizarre.

Yeah, they're.

They're all really sleep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're all real strange.

Yeah.

I've had some people say that they can smell, like, cigarettes and they have, like, a granddad that smell that smoked cigarettes all the time.

That's good.

That's good.

So there's all those things.

So last time you were here, before you got here, y'all know I talk about shrooms all the time.

Yes.

And the power that they hold within them.

And the power that comes with them and the learning that we can get using them.

And I discussed with you, like, can we talk about shrooms?

And you were like, eh.

I was like, okay, cool.

Say less.

And like, I'm not gonna push anybody to talk about anything they don't want to talk about.

Like, I know limits.

Yeah.

But immediately.

Not immediately.

Within the week after we recorded, you were like, hey, I'm ready to talk.

Yeah.

And that is also me stretching myself in the area of authenticity and not hiding, you know, things that I know.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Right.

And it's.

It's not about.

That part is not about perception as much as for me.

It's like, am I being protective?

And that is also, to your friend's question, it's like, am I scared or am I, like, do I feel intuitively that I shouldn't?

And my no is rooted in, like, what if somebody similar.

Girl.

And that's just not who I am.

So this is embodiment in this moment where it's like, you want to talk about this?

Because I talk about it often when a camera's not around.

Right.

So, yeah, this isn't.

This is an exercise and embodiment for me.

I support it.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah.

I even had second thoughts as recently as today.

And then I was like, girl, are you scared?

Go to church?

You going to church?

No, not.

Not that kind of thing.

So.

No, I didn't think so.

So for context, so the people know, y'all.

I tried to get Zakiya to try mushrooms for.

I don't.

For years.

Years.

As long as I've been talking about them, I would say, hey, Zakiyah.

Hey.

Nope.

No, keep that.

Keep that away from me.

Stay.

No, Shianna.

And I was like, you know, I'm always offer.

And if you're around me, like, in spaces, you know, I'm always offering.

I'm always offered.

You do.

But then you had a change of heart at some point.

I did.

It was at your house.

Well, yeah.

Okay.

I wasn't gonna share all that, but.

Yeah, that's fine.

My bad.

It's okay.

But what.

That piece.

No, that's okay.

What did you get once you gave them a try?

Yeah, I really eased into it.

You did?

You did?

I really eased in, I think.

And this was a microdose for.

Cause let me.

For scale purposes.

Yes.

Because when people hear shrooms, they immediately think of, like, melting walls, floors melding together.

That's the.

Yeah, I Know.

And that's why I was like, no.

That'S what the media portrays.

Like, and it's.

We were all in dare.

Yes.

And we all let him down.

But we were all in dare and, like, so we understand, like, nobody.

We didn't even have strangers giving us drugs like they said we would.

Right.

So that's a lie.

People have offered.

Offered me nugs of weed out in public all the time, but not to kids.

No, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey.

You want some?

No, that's not a thing.

So for context, melty walls, melty floors and stuff that's, like, up to.

That's might be like 4 grams or something.

That is.

That's a lot.

That's a heroic dose.

That is a large amount of mushrooms to ingest.

Right.

A microdose is like a tenth of that.

All right.

Just for perspective.

So I started there.

Yes.

Yeah.

I think the most I've ever had was the gram.

Okay.

Yeah.

So the first thing I want to say is that I do not see them as something to do.

Like, I don't do them, like, socially.

That's not.

That's not the way I.

I want to engage.

And I haven't had any in quite a while.

But my first experience was just like, does the world really look like this?

Have I been, like, seeing the world on a dimmer?

It was just so.

So vibrant.

And I didn't.

I don't think the first one.

I really felt a lot as much as I just could see so much, so clearly.

And my brain was so quiet.

And I'm such a thinker.

I am.

I am.

Constantly.

It's a song, somebody's talking, Sometimes it's.

Me all at the same time.

Sometimes it's Toni Morrison, sometimes it's my kids, and I'm just like, y'all.

But that did that for me.

I got some really good rest.

I wandered through my neighborhood, saw houses I had never seen.

So my first experience was like, oh.

It allowed me to be in my body in a way that I didn't.

I.

Yeah.

That I'm not able to access with the way my brain works and the way my life is set up.

Right.

Which is why sometimes I'm like, is this smart enough?

Because, girl, you got too much going on.

But that was my first experience.

And as I sort of started to engage them more, I would set an intention because I realized that, like, oh, this is opening up space for me to think about things without the background noise or to get messages, because I am someone who I convene with my ancestors.

And I'm just really connected to other realms.

I just am.

I don't have a name for all of them, but sometimes I just know things and feel things and hear things and it's not always clear.

But the mushroom felt like it gave me a pathway to that.

And when I did the Grammy, that was probably my most like, impactful experience where I had been struggling with one of my kids.

They were having not like seeds kids, like my biological kids.

They had been really struggling and just like hyper emotional.

Which kids be hyper emotional sometimes?

But there was something happening and I was like, I don't, I don't know what this is, and I don't know how to help them or support them.

And so that's the intention.

I said, like, please show me what this child is struggling with.

And I saw it and it broke my heart.

I saw it and I felt it and I understood it in a way.

And it made room for me to be more compassionate in the moments when they were having these meltdowns that I just did not understand.

Like, it's.

It's pretty good here.

You know, I'm working kind of hard to make it comfy.

But, you know, the reality is I feel like I can give a little context around the struggle is like, you know, I have black children who go to a predominantly white school.

It's a very well performing school.

They're very well loved and supported at that school.

But also there is just a.

There is something to being like tokenized and like to be the minority in a way that is.

So it's just like very like, it's a, it's a big gap.

Like you're one or two in every class.

And I talked to them about that, of course, but they really never shared what they.

What the struggles were around it.

And so I had this experience and I was seeing like Ruby Bridges type images where I was like, oh.

Like, this is not that, but I see how this is connected to that.

Like, I saw Ruby Bridges, which was just kind of like girl.

Because I remember on the, on the trip when I first saw Ruby Bridges, I said to whoever is running the show, like, all right, not okay, not too far.

Dial it back a little bit.

Hold on.

Because I don't know.

Because also I never try to figure out, like, I really am being curious and open.

Like, I said the intention and I'm like, all right, what was you got in here for me?

But also boundaries, because I don't need to feel.

I already feel so much.

But I just remember Just, you know, weeping and being so, like, connected to what that that kid is feeling and being able to help guide them more intentionally around the things they're facing.

And they're fine now, but it was just for me, the utility of it.

Like, whenever I heard about shrooms, I thought people were like, oh, it's like party drugs.

And, like.

Like you said, melting clocks and walls.

Alice in Wonderland.

It's like, girl, I really don't want to do that.

That doesn't sound like fun to me.

I really like to be firmly planted.

Same, same.

Like, I just.

Because we're in our head so often anyway.

And that's why I was like, no, this is different.

Like, it's different.

It quiets the noise.

It really encourages creativity and play.

I played with my kids in a way, and I know that might be a little taboo, but.

No, but that's what I tell women, like, especially mothers.

I feel like mushrooms really help you get back in touch with that childlike wonder.

Yes.

And like, a lot of times when you see kids and they're like, look what I did, and look at this.

And you're like, yeah, okay, I don't.

Because, girl, you know how many emails I got?

Right?

Right.

But then it's like, I can see why you have such joy in what you have created.

Thank you for sharing it with me.

Yeah, you know, it's those blinders off.

It takes the blinders off.

And then you even said something else about the speed of.

Oh, can we.

Yes, let's talk about that.

Which is why I doubt back a little bit.

A little bit.

Because I don't.

I really don't think I was doing it a lot.

May have done it now seven times.

Yeah, that's not a lot.

That's not a lot.

Like, in total, seven.

Because I feel like it was like, I'm able to process things at lightning speed, and I was already faster than most people, and this is stuff that I wasn't comfortable with saying before I started engaging.

So it's also helped me with my embodiment.

Right.

Like, I grew up in a black church, and so I do think.

I know you think the word humble is a cuss word, and I do want to talk about that.