Anita Sparks is a clinical therapist and the founder of the Beautiful Life Institute, and she built it to answer a question her clients kept asking after the deep trauma work was done: okay, but where do I actually make a friend? In this episode we get into why grown women are starved for real connection, how friendships shift as you grow (and how to gently guide the wrong ones off the boat), the toxic independence so many high-achieving women are quietly drowning in, and Anita's disarmingly simple roadmap back to self-love that starts with food, water, sleep, and yes, a houseplant.

In this episode:

• Why the craft is never the craft, and how the wreath/vision board/dream catcher is really just the excuse to build sisterhood
• The friend breakups nobody warns you about when your career and visibility grow
• Toxic independence: why "I can do it all myself" looks like success and feels like burnout
• Why you can't step off the ladder without everyone assuming you're having a breakdown
• Self-love as a real health practice (mental, physical, spiritual), not a branding aesthetic
• The houseplant story that teaches burnt-out women how to take care of themselves
• Building a morning routine that fits YOU instead of the one everyone online is selling

Connect with Anita Sparks:

🌿 Beautiful Life Institute — beautifullifeinstitute.net (workshops in South Jersey, plus virtual & in-person VIP days)

Connect with The BFD Show:

🎓 Apply to be a guest / find your stage: 📩 [email protected]

📺 Watch the network: watchbfdtv.com

📩 [email protected]

• Famous is a frequency™.

Welcome to the bfd show, hosted by leslie jefferson.

Welcome to bfd.

I'm your host, Leslie Jesperson.

And today I am joined by my friend, my client, my.

My graduate, my certified keynote speaker, Anita Sparks.

Welcome, Anita.

Nice to be here today.

I love your vibe.

We're color coded.

You've got the hair tinsel.

You are just radiating love.

And I'm so excited for everybody to get to know you a little bit better today.

So you are founder of Beautiful Life Institute.

Tell me what that is.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, it's a safe place for women to connect.

I've learned that after working with women for so long that, you know, just doing that deep trauma work.

What do we do next after that?

Because.

Right.

There's a similarity that kind of came across, especially after Covid, that women were just looking for connection and friendships.

And even though they had the career and the family, they were like, I just want to have some fun.

Right.

You know, and I had to develop this institute because, you know, as a clinical therapist, we have certain guidelines we have to follow.

And I had to step out of that a little bit so that we could actually have women connect on a deeper level and had some great events, and people just report that they have fun and they've actually made some friendships out in their own community.

Yes.

It's been beautiful.

And you've been selling.

So you host these workshops.

What made you say, I want to host these workshops?

Was it just, again, working with these clients and seeing that they need, like, we need friends, like, as adults, the older you get, you change, like, social circles.

And you just was like, I'm going to try some workshops.

Yeah, well.

And actually, it kind of started because I was sometimes looking for something creative to do, and I couldn't really find anything.

It was either.

It was either academic or it was, I don't know, for a certain younger crowd.

Right.

So I just kind of came up with some ideas that I thought might help, and I did kind of align it a little bit with, you know, building your own dreams and catching your own dreams.

So my first class was a vision board, and it was.

It was so successful.

Everybody came, it was outside, and people just got to know each other.

And then they sent me pictures later of hanging on their wall.

Now we did dream catcher classes, and I tell you, everybody was given the same exact packs of materials.

Right.

But everyone was so unique and beautiful.

And then they asked me to do it again, and we do some meditation and love letter writing during these events.

And it's just It's a great place for people to connect.

So really the things that you're teaching them, like the activities is really just something to do.

The, the deeper work is like allowing them to cultivate friendships.

And because I attended one of your workshops and it was such a cool experience because I'm not a crafty person, I'm a creative, but not in that way.

And we were building these wreaths and I was like, I'm really bad at this.

Like, it was, if I was doing that at home by myself, I would have gotten frustrated, I would have gotten down on myself.

But the people you brought together, it was just like, it reminds me of that.

I think it's Bob Ross's like, oh, I'm not really good at it, but it doesn't matter.

Or Mr. Rogers, like one of those icons.

And just being in that community, having other women to just be like, it's okay.

Here, stick this here.

Without the agenda of, oh, we're, we're learning something.

Take notes.

And that's like the world that I come from.

So you're saying like, we're almost like learned out and we need connection.

Absolutely, it's connection.

And what I always try to do in my workshops is kind of embrace all the senses.

You know, we sing a little bit, we, we create.

And then I also allow everyone to kind of introduce what they feel comfortable introducing about themselves.

And I've noticed that there's a certain pattern.

Right.

Like, even if it's a younger woman, we all go through these life cycles of grief and loss and marriage and divorce and partnerships and.

But we still just want to go and just have a cup of tea and some chocolate and create.

So it's, it's very bonding, very grounding.

Yeah, it's.

You're creating sisterhood.

Yeah.

Because as a, as a therapist, you know, you said you're doing all of this trauma work, but then it's like, what is that next step?

And, and you could tell them, oh, go make some friends.

But that wasn't really solving their problem.

Like they're like, okay, where and how?

And you were like, ah, here's a problem that I see and here is how I, I can create a solution.

That's exactly what it was because I would get, where do I meet people?

And I'm like, well, I'm not sure.

Right.

Like, if I don't drink, I'm not going to go to as 40 and 50 year old women.

Like, we're not just going to go to a bar and try and make friends.

Like it's very different.

Right, right.

And people sometimes that have had a lot of trauma are afraid.

So a lot of times through the workshops that I do is it's kind of hand selected a little bit.

So, so that I know that everyone's gonna respect each other and we kind of set little ground rules.

Right.

Kind of what's presented here stays here.

Just so everybody can kind of feel like they can share.

I love that.

So tell me a little bit more.

Is there anything in your life that you have experienced that helped you see that this was the missing piece in your own life besides what your clients were coming to you with?

Yeah, well, I also felt that I, I kind of have this creative need.

I also have this academic need and there really just wasn't anything like that.

So I, I, that's why I created it.

Right.

So these classes are designed with intention.

So there's, there is like a little bit of a clinical guidance underneath it, you know, and we make sure that every woman that joins usually is, it's going to be a safe support to the other women.

So I found that I needed that in my life.

I needed to make sure that the people were, that were in my tribe were really rooting for me.

That is so important because in friendships we don't talk about this enough how like friend breakups and as you like, this is something that I struggle with as I a very ambitious person and as I continue to grow my career, my visibility and do things like hosting a TV show.

Not everybody is going to be happy for you.

It's going to, it's going to, you know, hold the mirror up for them and, you know, project their own insecurities.

Yes, absolutely.

And sometimes in my own life, I realized I had to kind of rock that boat a little bit.

And the people that needed to kind of ebb and flow with me did, and the rest kind of had a fall off or gently be guided off.

I'm just gonna not answer your phone calls anymore.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it is very true.

As your life shifts, whether it's, you know, career or family or whatever the need are, our friendships do change.

That's actually something I talk about a lot with my, with my clients is, you know, what does your friendship circle look like and who are your support?

So having to go through that with my home friendships.

Yeah.

Maybe kind of create this selective group.

So, you know, as these workshops continue, we do see some of the same people come back.

Yeah.

Because you created a space for them to actually feel safe and feel seen and feel supported.

Without any kind of agenda.

Yes.

Around it.

Yeah, that's.

I recently had a client say to me, it's not about where you go.

It's about that safe place that I created for them.

I thought that was really kind of powerful because it can be in Atlantic City, it can be in Texas, it can be in a barn, it can be in a garden.

But it's that just idea of being safe so I can be vulnerable and share, and then I feel strong enough to go on and make friends and connections.

So you're saying there's a lot of groundwork that has to be laid in creating the safety.

And I love that we're talking about this, because this is what I realized I needed to do when I'm training keynote speakers.

Speakers, like, telling your story is very vulnerable, and there has to be that.

You're like, tell me about it.

There has to be a level of safety that we create so that you can work through these things.

And if you hadn't had this background in the clinical psychology, and please correct me if I.

Is that correct?

Okay.

Yeah.

Then you wouldn't be able to create that level.

But you're not telling them, you know, hey, we're going to come to group therapy.

Right.

It's a lot more casual.

Right.

So it's interesting that you bring that up, because my.

My first degree was in psychology, and then I branched down to social work, because psychology is really individual minds, and then social work is really the person in the environment.

Yeah.

So that's really kind of how I expanded, because it's not just how we operate in this world.

It's how things that we have learned, good and bad.

Right.

So of our survival strategies and how we navigate the world and creating that social circle that's very safe.

It's key to, really, resilience and happiness.

Yeah.

So you've got your workshops, you've got the Beautiful Life Institute, and you are a certified keynote speaker.

So tell me a little bit about what made you decide that you wanted to speak on stages and that you felt like you had a message that needed to go a little further.

Yeah.

So the.

The message that I really wanted to get out to the world is that independent women and we.

We are sometimes on the verge of burnout, and we don't.

We don't realize it, and it can look very successful.

But so many women are really just struggling.

They're kind of.

They're kind of ready to.

Just ready just to have peace.

Right.

And I felt like I needed to get that message to many People that it's okay to not always burn the candle on both ends and you don't always have to command this huge room of respect because you have it internally.

So we had to kind of work through some of these survival strategies to really allow ourselves to find peace.

So that was really my message is that sometimes we have this unidentified trauma that usually comes from our childhood that we have to work through these high achieving, almost some type of toxic independence at times.

Yes, I know, I get that a lot.

A lot of the people that I do work with are very, by today's standards, are very successful people.

And we're praised for it, we're celebrated for it.

And inside we're like, I am drowned.

Right, right.

And then, and then you can't step off the ladder because then they think something's wrong with you.

She must be depressed, she must be having a breakdown.

But in reality she's just trying to like come, come to come home and put her pajamas on and watch a movie.

Right.

That's all she wants to do.

So I really wanted to just get that message out.

So not just women, but to everyone that it's really okay to just be, you know, we don't.

Someone had said, you know, we're not just human beings.

Right.

We're not always busy doing.

Right.

And just be.

Yeah, yeah.

So I think that's really the message that I wanted to get out there, that we, we can just be vulnerable and we can ask for peace and we can set our boundaries regardless at any time.

So yeah, my message, I wanted to get to the world.

I love it.

And, and I read about you and through working with you, you really.

And it's not just like a branding, aesthetic thing, the heart thing.

You really feel like a lot of the missing piece with us is that we're not giving ourselves like a nurtured level of love to our own selves or we're not allowing other people to support us on that level.

Yes, yes.

Because again, that goes back to that vulnerability.

We, you know, as high achieving women, we don't want to ask or we think that we can do it all, but it really is, is, it's not just self care, it's self love.

And we have, we have to love ourselves in order to have peace.

And it's, it's not just good for your mental health, it's good for your physical health, your spiritual health.

And really when you can just consciously create a decision every day about nurturing your own heart, you really do walk through the world much more peacefully.

Yeah.

You love your partners more and your children more and love your career more and.

And you're not depleted.

You have.

When you fill up your heart, you can share that love with everybody unconditionally.

Yeah.

So for the people who are watching this and like, okay, Anita, easier said than done.

I.

What, like, how can I give more love to myself in a world, in a society that's constantly telling me to hustle harder, I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Get it done.

You know, I don't.

That toxic independence that I struggled with for a long time.

Single mom.

I don't need anybody.

I can do it all myself.

I.

And it gets them to burnout.

But, like, what are some.

Maybe some.

Some daily small, micro actions that people can do to start showing more love to themselves so that they can experience that, you know, cup overfloweth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a good one.

So.

Well, if I'm working one on one with people, I usually look at their wheel of life and, you know, kind of narrow that down.

Like, just get an idea of the career, the health, their spirituality, their medical conditions, just to kind of see if there's anything that really stands out.

Like, I'm working 75 hours a week, or I'm not working enough, but I'm eating too much, and I don't feel good about myself.

So I try to narrow down, like, what.

What it is, is kind of like on the top five.

That sounds like it's burning them out.

And then we really just start with the basics.

And in school, it was.

We talk about Maslow's theory of hierarchy and the basic is, are you getting enough water?

Are you getting enough sleep?

Are you getting enough healthy foods?

And that's where we really start.

Because, believe it or not, us women that work crazy, sometimes we skip lunch.

And.

And then if the kids need to go here and the kids need to go there, we don't eat, or we overeat.

Right.

Or we grab Burger King and feed to our family.

So really try to start with the basics.

And it's food, water, and sleep.

Right?

We're just.

We're all, like, walking, talking houseplants.

We need light, we need water, and we need.

Yeah, it's not that difficult.

I recently had someone, they were going to therapy, and they were doing well, and I gave them a gift of a house plant.

And I said, I want you to nurture this, because this person had worked crazy hours, was coaching, and I gave him a house plan.

I said, I want you to take care of this plant.

And they're like, what do I do with this plant?

I said, well, you got to water it.

And I gave them fertilizer.

I said, like, that's your food.

And we checked in about a month later.

And I said, well, how's the plant?

And they said, well, you know what?

The plant is great.

And I'm much better too, so why is that?

And they say, because, well, when I water the plant, I take my own water.

And then I also get up in the morning and I open the blinds and the sun comes in.

And then I go out on my balcony and I take some depressed sunshine.

Look at that.

It was like.

So sometimes it's really just simple.

Right?

Go get a plant and take care of it.

I love that.

So I'm not a morning person, but I realized that when I created a morning routine that worked for me.

Like, I'm not going to be waking up at 4am to meditate for an hour before I have to take my kids to school.

I get everybody out of the house.

And then I allow an hour before I take calls, before I check emails, just to, like, you know, put my son in my face in the sunshine.

Not that there's any out right now, but, like, you know, drink water, just like sit and be.

And I don't have to, like, I feel like we have to.

We feel like we have to do more, like, journal this for 10 minutes and then.

And that's fine.

And they can work if you feel like you need to, like, get stuff out.

But for me, I. I just need to, like, sit and like, come to reality.

Like, I'm just a slow starter in the mornings.

Yes.

And I need that.

And instead of fighting that and trying to do what everybody else online is doing, you know, go to the gym for an hour.

Like that made me exhausted the rest of the day, so I work out later in the day.

So I love the.

The analogy, or not even the analogy.

Just like that.

Habit stacking of.

Yes.

Taking care of a house plant.

And look, suddenly you're taking care of yourself as well.

I know.

Well, that's kind of where it starts.

Yeah.

Noticing.

Noticing and naming how you feel when you're just sitting there and having that tea and not rushing off to the gym and realizing maybe even your circadian rhythm.

You're better for working out physically in the afternoon as opposed to the morning.

So that's really kind of where it starts, is we assess what works well for your body, for your spirit.

I love it.

I just adore you.

I adore everything that you do for people who want to learn more, where can they find out about Beautiful Life Institute?

Yeah, well, I do have a website.

Yes.

It's pretty simple.

It's beautifullifeinstitute.net and I have on there a little bit about my VIP days.

If you really just want to do some deep, intensive work, I'll have my upcoming workshops.

The.

The workshops are in person in South Jersey.

People love in person, so that's good.

And the VIP days can be done virtually or in person.

Amazing.

Yeah.

Anita Sparks, Beautiful Life Institute.

Thank you so much for chatting with me.

Lovely.

Yes.

All right.

You are watching BFD and we'll see you next time.