Summary

When we neglect our own mental, spiritual, and physical health to take care of everyone else, the trauma we ignore doesn't disappear. It piles up like a heap of debris, blocking our natural life flow. In this episode, you will explore a deeply personal journey of healing, learn how to unpack decades of hidden wounds, and discover how to construct your own multi-dimensional healing toolkit.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

~ Matthew 11:28 (NIV).

This episode will help you:

• Identify the physical and mental signs of living in chronic survival mode.
• Understand the concept of multi-dimensional, layered healing.
• Learn how to utilize free community and workplace resources for mental health support.
• Build a personalized healing toolkit using practical daily exercises.

Key Takeaways:

• Recognize the Signs of Survival Mode: Chronic worry, physical exhaustion, and feeling like survival is your only setting are clear indicators that your body and mind are crying out for care.
• Start with Simple Movement: When structured plans feel overwhelming, take the easiest step first. Walking outdoors can act as a catalyst for both mental clarity and spiritual peace.
• Build a Layered Toolkit: A robust recovery plan uses multiple resources—such as journaling, reading self-development material, prayer, therapy, and community support.
• Utilize Workplace & Community Programs: Don't let finances halt your healing. Look into employer-sponsored Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) or local sliding-scale non-profit counseling services.
• Extend Grace to Yourself: Healing takes time. Be patient with your progress and seek out safe, trustworthy confidants who can listen without judgment.

Resources:

From the Blog: https://jrosemarie.com/connect-with-nature-for-better-mental-health/

Courage to Believe 21 Day Christian Devotional for Single Moms. Ebook available in English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, and German on Amazon: https://link.amazon/B0bKY9jS0

Also free with Kindle Unlimited: https://link.amazon/A0hRTZlVw

Connect with me/request your free study guide: https://www.jrosemarie.com/contact

Explore more resources: https://solomomstalk.store/b/giveaway

Disclosure: as an Amazon Associates, I may earn a small commission when you purchase an affiliate link on this post. There is no additional cost to you.

https://solomomstalk.mysites.io/podcast-2-copy/god-my-healer-facing-the-wounds-i-learned-to-hide

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Hello, Solomon. I had two other topics that I wanted to talk about, but I am in the middle of recording my the audiobook to Courage to Believe andI felt impressed to talk about healing. I hope that this episode really reach in and grab you. If you're one of those mamas who,whether or not you're aware that you need healing, that this

Episode will move you to look at,address, discover God, your healer. I'm J. Rosemary Francis. Thank you for listening to Solomon's Talk.

Have you ever looked back over your life and wondered what made you do that? You know, it may have been a relationship or it may have been a decision that affected your entire life. And when you stopped to think about it, it didn't reflect who you are now. And you wonder to yourself, why did I do that? Today I want to talk about God, our healer. And this episode is inspired.

By day 14 of Courage to Believe, 21-day Christian devotional of a single mom. I'm not going to talk about the devotional.I'm going to talk about God and how we can arrange our mindset, our thought process around healing and how it connects to our journey, not just as a mom, but as a person, as an individual. A lot of times we when we're

Mothering solo. It's hard for us to separate ourselves from our children. We move as one unit, we make decisions as one unit,and that is the way it should be. But we sometimes forget that we're individuals and that there are things that happen to us that has to be dealt with on an individual basis. And many of us don't have the time.

To take care of ourselves. We don't have the time to focus onour own needs, especially if we're living in survival mode. That's why I talk about getting out of survival mode so much becauseI realize that is one of the ways that we get trapped into not taking care of ourselves. I told this story already, but I want to make a point here. So I was living in New York City with my two youngest son.

They were about teens by now,and I was working ten, twelve hours a day, taking the subway two hours one way.And I had difficulty sleeping because I lived on the corner in Brooklyn, New York. And so for years, literally, I wasn't getting enough rest. I was worried, I was

I was traumatized over the well-being of my children. I traumatized myself because I was worrying so much. And one dayI did something unusual.I wanted to get to work at a certain time, so and I saw a bus and I wanted to catch that bus. And I lift my foot to run for the bus. And my my foot protested. My whole body decided it was not going to run.

I wasn't gonna catch that bus because running was no longer in my DNA. The reason being, and I discovered after thinking about it, I was not taking care of myself. I was, like I said, working long hours. I worked at a desk. Sometimes I'd I'd just shovel my food into my mouth right at my desk. AndI realized that not taking care of my body was coming back.

to haunt me because I missed the bus because I couldn't run for it. And therefore I didn't meet my deadline to get to work for a certain time. And that's just one small thing. Small one small effect of me as a mother neglecting my own health because I was living in survival mode. So what I did, I started to walk. I realized that it was difficult to put a plan in place,you know, likeafter

Years, decade even of trying to figure out, even decades of trying to of living a life in survival mode that it wasn't gonna take one solution and I wasn't gonna be able to put all the plans in place to take care of myself.So I did the easy thing. I started to walk. I had a car, but I decided I needed to walk. And so I started to walk everywhere. Sometimes the walk

was a mental walk. It it allowed me to walk and think about things instead of lying in bed thinking about it. So my body was moving and my mind was moving.Eventually, you know what happened? I stopped worrying about things.And I noticed I thought I started to take notice. The flowers, the plants. I have tons, hundreds of photographs that I take because I started to notice

nature, the birds singing, the butterfly flitting, the bees, the water. And my healing journey started to unfold. Now I mentioned I wasn't gonna talk about the devotional, but in day fourteen of Courage to Believe, the one that inspired this episode, I have a long list of tools that I used as I went through this healing journey.And the healing journey began

A long time before that. The the spiritual and mental part of my healing journey started years before that.But the physical part was just beginning.And what happened is I didn't plan this, but me doing the physical walking and enjoying nature merge the spiritual jour the spiritual healing that I I

That I I was receiving and the mental clarity that was coming together. Everything just came together.Once I started to walk, you don't have to join a gym to begin with. You just need to put one foot in front of the other.Literally.I worked in downtown Manhattan. I lived in East Flatbush.

For those ofyou who are familiar with New York City, you understand what I'm talking about. Usually I would get out get out of work, go downstairs, get on the subway, get to Brooklyn, take a bus, get home. Bus dropped me right in front of my house, literally. I decided to eliminate all that sitting down. First, I had a job that allowed me the freedom to get up anytime I wanted and take a walk outside.

I took advantage of that. My job was was located near the the water, the East River in New York City. And so I would go down, I would I would walk down there sometime when I feel stressed and frustrated.I would walk down there and I would sit by the pier and watch the helicopters land and take off,the the ferry come and go. Eventually I would just walk.

I would just keep walking, just keep walking, just walking, walking, walking. I had my phone, so I was fine. The other thing I did was when work was finished, instead of getting on the subway,I would walk down to the Brooklyn Bridge. I would walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to downtown Brooklyn. And sometimes I'd take the subway from their home. But a lot of times I would just keep walking.

Now it's a lot of walking and most times I was tired when I got home, but that meant I slept. And soI'mrelaying all this story because I want people to understand that healing is not a time,one dimensional, complicated thing.What I did was I build, I I build

build layers and layers of things that would help me.I juiced, I went and juiced fast,I had therapy,I did discovery groups in church.And there was just a layer upon layer of thing.I took Tony Robbins coaching, I read his stuff, I I went to unleash the power within, I walked on hot coals.

And consume this stuff, I consume Joel Austin stuff. And so I wanted to tell you all of this because I want you to understand that healing is multidimensional. And we need multi-layer, multi-denimensal healing when we are carrying years, decades of pain from trauma and abuse.

And whenwe've suffered childhood ch trauma, when bullying, childhood abandonment, parental neglect, and then that comes into adulthood, betrayal by friends, betrayal and abandonment by spouses, abuse by spouses, bad treatment in the workplace.When you have to deal with all

all those things in one lifetime nonetheless and they're not identified and addressed. When we have to do when we our body or psyche or mental or spirit has to endure years of piling on. If you've ever gone to somewhere where there's a lot of debris and trash and you watch the wind blow all that debris debris and trash.

Into a pile, into a heap, or you pull it into a heap yourself. That's what that heap is how trauma looks in our lives when it just piles up and piles up and piles up. And imagine that all that blockage, all that, all that debris is blocking a river.A river that was flowing is now stuck.

The life flow of that river is stuck because it's blocked by debris. And imagine your life was that river. And then the effect is, the the the result is not always, because we're all different. Our none of us are the same. We may have identical story,similar paths, similar experiences.

But we are not the same. So everything with us is individual. God looks at us as individuals and we're all individual. That's why I don't ever believe in this, do that, do this.I love to share my storyand let you decide what works for you.So this healing thing. So I'm gonna stop babbling and then I want to

I wanna talk about a few things before I wrap up.When we realize that something is wrong, something is deeply wrong.Sometimes it's because we yell at our kids or we're angry all the time. Or maybe weare wimpy. You know, I went through a period where I was wimpy. You you you you're afraid of everything and

People can just walk all over you and you just take it.when we when we get to a point where we wonder, why am I like this? Why do I do that?How come I'm always this way?When we get to that point,it's a point when we realize something is up.And then time to

Recognize what's wrong and recognize those pain and and and those wounds that we're hiding.So and and a lot of times what we do is, you know, it it's tunneling through, it is pushing through this strength,this single mother's strength. And people ask you, Are you okay? I'm fine, you know, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Right?Because we're afraid somebody will reject us or judge us.Orso it's hard to ask for help because when we ha asked for help in the past, we were made to feel less than.Andso we have to prove that we're strong enough on our own without any help.But bear in mind that that is not a healed response. So

Even if we look strong,we learn to keep moving through the pain, it doesn't mean that we're fine, we're okay.And sound and and we have to remember that our children are not stupid. They can see through what's going on, you know?So I I encourage you to

Think about what I'm saying and look at your own life and maybe you're fine. For real, you're fine. And that is amazing. Butfor for those of us whograpple with this stuff daily,I'm encouraging you to start doing something, anything.If it's physical for you,walk.

If it's spiritual for you, pray. If it's mental for you,seek the help you need.And so here's where we move from here. I ask you to invite God into your life. Whether or not you're a Christian, if you're already a Christian, make this an exercise. Invite God into your life. Talk about

work through whatever it is that you're going through. So this is how these things work. It's never a one size fit all. And it's never you know, sometimes it's a miracle, right? Sometimes things happen and, you know, there's a lot of times stuff happens to me.Andone day I wake up and realize, huh

How come that doesn't happen anymore? And it it's it's so sometime it happens without you even realizing it. But it takes some work, it takes some going through. I didn't even plan on bringing this up, but

A couple of weeks ago,maybe it was last week, I don't remember, my mother call my talk to my I was talking to my mother and she told me who my father was. I have been asking her for years, for decades, who is my father? Because I didn't know who that was. And the last few years,for some reason, it keeps the idea of my father keep coming up.

AndI learned a story about who my father was. Wasn't true, but it hurt me to the core.And it caused me to dislike my mother t even more than I did before. It it caused me to not want anything to do with her.But I didn't want to sit in that feeling.I didn't s want to sit with that feeling. So I prayed. I asked God to help me to one, forgive her.

Not for her sake, but for my sake.Cause I wanna I didn't want anybody tormenting me. And so I prayed to God and asked him to just help me to deal with this situation with the the father wound and the mother wound and all this stuff. And so when she finally told me the truth, I at the moment when she was telling me the truth,

I wasn't even angry and I'm still not angry.And I realized that I'm not angry because I've worked through my pain regarding that. Now I still gotta work through my pain regarding her.But I've worked through the pain regarding who my father is and who he wasn't and all of that.So that's one thing.The second the other thing is that.

I have learned over the years to build myself a healing toolkit.And my healing toolkit is based on the foundation of prayer and scripture.And sometimes I sing.I I don't have the best voice, but I love to sing.And so I pray, I read the scripture, I talk to God, and then, you know, sometimes I sing.

The other amazing thing that I do is I journal.Iwrite down what's happening to me, how I feel about certain things.And there was a timeI Iwas worried about people reading it and, you know, maybe judging me, I guess,but I'm at a point in my life where it doesn't really matter to me if somebody reads it.

Because that way they will understand who I am. So I journal and I I I learn. I I I don't stop learning.I reada lot of different material.I mentioned Joel Austin's book, Your Best Life. Now that helped me after my third divorce.I needed something like that.And I work through this study guide to help me, you know.

up with a way to heal, to get out of that quagmire of despair that I was in after my third marriage failed.And the other thing I did wasII got I didn't only get therapy,I also got coaching.

in the therapy,and it wasn't that I had all this money I could do do all these things. Like I said,this was a multi layer healing process for me because I I had multi-level,multi layer trauma. And not to sound flippant,but it's like I had a pyramid scheme of trauma. That's how it feels. And a lot of the space thing took

several years over the period of several years.But I had a job that had good benefits. Your job probably do too.And they have what's called employee assistance programs. And in that package, it's it's no cost to the employee.In that package, usually there is an offer of six or five or a number of sessions, free sessions,

With a professional, whether it's a therapist, a lawyer, or whatever professional you need.For me, the need was, I needed a therapist. And I utilized that program to to kick off my healing journey from a a therapy professional point of view.The coaching, I realized I needed because it was more from a self-development point of view.

When I was younger, I used to the way I handled my trauma when I was younger wasI tried to outperform my own self. I had a type A B personality, I was going, going, going,and I wanted just to beat everything. My discord was off the chart because I was just one of those people who wanted to outperform.

perform.AndIwanted to get back to that,not in an unhealthy way, but in a good way. Where because years of trauma building had made me feel beat down. I mentioned before that sometimes you get to the point where you're so beaten down and weary that you just allow anything to happen.You don't live the way you used to live. You don't

you're not happy, you're not there's no joy. You don't even dress the way you used to dress.And your body is now fighting against you because you haven't taken the time to take care of it.And so I needed some guidance in addition to the therapy.SoI did a lot of things. I spent a lot of money trying to

get myself to the place where my thought process was in line with God my father because the mind was the thing that was tripping me up all the time.So I wanna I wanna go through this because I want this to be a resource for you. If you need it, you may not, and that's fine. And so

I want to relate my own story and then hopefully you can find if you need help to to address and treat your trauma that you will this will help you at least be a starting point.Soifif therapy is out of your pocketbook,maybe your employer has an EAP program.

I would check it. Don't don't think that they don't.And if they do,it's something you will want to start to utilize.And if that's not an option for you and you have a local YMCA or another nonprofit organization that's prevalent in the community, check them out.They may have a you know, a free or a sliding scale program that gives you a number off.

Mental health sessions that will help you to talk through what's going on in your life so you can breathe better, you can breathe freely. Or one final resource is you may have a trusted friend that you can talk to about what's going on in your life. Maybe

It's somebody you've known all your life. Or maybe it's somebody you just met.And that person is a person who you realize you can compartmentalize your life with and talk about this area that you believe they might be able to be a good listener for. You're not looking for somebody to fix you, because nobody can do that. What you're looking for a

Confident in the absence of therapy, if that's not an option right now, right?So what can you do this week?If you're feeling like the struggles you're having right now,the living in survival mode is caused by something you've not dealt with and that needs to be dealt with. If you're feeling like that.

I often recommend and I am going to recommend to you to do two things.well, several things actually.start a journal, grab a notebook, a piece of paper, anything, and start to write down what's going on in your life. Are you angry a lot? Do you get annoyed with your children for just because? Write that down. And then ask yourself, why am I like that?

Maybe you need to talk to your mother or your father or a relative or a friend who may know something that who may have the answer to that question. Maybe something happenedthatyoudon't realize is coming back to haunt you.The other thing I I ask that you do is pray. Go ahead and pray. You know,people say,

Well they just tell you pray about it.Okay.Some people are not sincere in that, but I'm s I'm sincerely asking you to trust God. Trust God. He's the only one you could trust. He's the only trustworthy entity in this whole relationship thing.So pray honestly. Talk to God. You know,if if you've

And and if that wound or that pain or the cause of it is disguised and hidden from you, you can't see it and you can't understand it, ask him to open up your understanding. So you could you could try to figure out what's going on with him.And check your business, your your employer orlocal organization to see if help is available.And I'm gonna say that.

It may not be you that needs this. So even if your child needs this, this is also for them.But my focus today is on you, the leader of your household, being healed, being strengthened, being living in joy instead of struggling in survival mode.Talk to somebody if

That person is available and and not just available physically,but available intelligently. Right? You know, I have a couple of friends that we have not seen each other for years.We have crisscrossed each other, traveling across the world, but we really haven't seen each other.But there's one or two women in my life who

Whatever I'm going through,I can pick up the phone and call and we can talk through.And there is one, there are two of them in particular. One, you know, who it doesn't matter what it is, I could talk to them about it. Andwith them, there is no shame in my game.Becauseone of them has been through some of the things I've been through.

And the other one,although she has never experienced the things I've been through,she has somehow become one of those people that will tell me the way it is rather than tell me what I want to hear.It's one of those people that you need in your life.So search for them. They're probably there and you don't realize it. And and and talk to that.

person who is who has your interests at heart, your best interests.Don't just blindly trust anyone because you know them. So wrapping this up.

I am going to ask you if your

If you're traumatized today by life, you know,it happens. We were left to raise our children.And you know, this figures in even if you just you chose to raise your children alone.I'm going to encourage you to check out Courage to Believe.And check out day fourteen. I'm

Like I said, right now working on the audiobook, it should be finished by the end of this week.And it will be available.Also, the ebook is available onAmazon in English, French, Spanish, German, Italian, and Portuguesefor your reading easeand free if you have Kindle Unlimited.So

If you link below, you could grab your copy. And if you do decide to take to get a copy,send me proof of purchase. I put an email and a contact form below. Send me proof of copy and I'll send you a free study guide that will go along with the ebook because obviously the ebook doesn't have lines for you to write. The paperback does, but not the ebook. Soyeah, and that's it about the devotional.

So to recap, name your heart, bring it to God.Use any support that's available to you that can help you.And give your time give yourself time to heal. Don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself grace. But don't give yourself an excuse to not heal. I'm gonna tell you two quick stories. Well, one I'm gonna say.

Start walking. Just start walking. Don't talk yourself out of it. Just start walking.Andmy mother, as much as we have thistumultuous relationship, has taught me a very valuable lesson in healing.Because she she got a health scare like when she was about fifty, maybe. She's ninety-one now.

Up till the time she was in her 80s, she was still going to the gym because she quit her job and she took care of her health.And I am challenging you, mama. Take care of you.Whether you're children,and I know it's hard, especially if they're young and tiny, and you're the only one they can depend on. I know that.But as they get older,

Just had one little thing that you could do.What I used to do with my babies when I had a two and a four year old, I used to put them in the stroller and I used to walk all around my apartment complex. Sometime I'd be crying, praying,you know, just fretting, but I'd be walking.And so there are many ways for you to heal and many pathways that you can take and that will sometimes

All the pathway will come together when you're willing and able to do it and to to to add that layer upon layer of help that your body, mind and spirit needs to heal from decadesof trauma and painand hurt.SoI hope that helped you today. I I

Talk the best I could. I I tried to be as you know, I tried to talk with empathyand the love that I feel for you.But bear in mind I've been through it.And I am talking from my heart and from experience.Sogo ahead and take care of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.Thank you for listening to Solomon's talk.