"Fake intimacy to keep you . Now you're locked in. Now you're on the shelf. So he can drop down his mask and really express how he truly feels, which is another common trait of narcissistic personality disorder. "

The 13 Most Common Traits of Narcissist Personality Disorder and how quickly domestic violence can occur.

Today I share a conversation with Victoria Coure

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& her guest @acontagioussmile

Victoria is a Domestic Abuse survivor and mother of a special needs miracle child. With more than 16 years of educating myself and countless others within the special needs community. She holds several degrees and certifications which also include a Paralegal Degree, ASL Masters, First Aid/AED/CPR, Tracheostomy Certification, 2 Black Belts in mixed Martial Arts and am currently furthering my studies through online classes at Yale. I also speak to groups of domestic violence survivors as well as advocate for both survivors as well as special needs families. My daughter and I have been featured on tv advocating for those with challenging abilities and also with abused women. Having become a survivor has made me into a “Pitbull”. I advocate for these families and individuals and fight tooth and nail for them.

Here are some key moments:

• Her story of physical domestic violence
• Her experience with a narcissistic father

1. Don’t respect others boundaries 
2. Using guilt to convince you o their agenda and persona 
3. Twist your mind to second guess your truth 
4. Wake you up from your sleep
5. Dropping down mask once they have you locked in 
6. Dv common in military without help
7. They show you off and brag about you
8. Never admit fault 
9. Have to appear to be the hero
10. Blackmail you 
11. Lack intimacy
12. Belittles everyone & gossip
13. Cheating 

• Emotional abundance is far more rewarding than material money 

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Reagan, I was dumbfounded. I was like, What is this? And he said, Well, you know,

it's the,

perfect excuse.

Now she's up here and I get to spend time with her. I always fit to be, I was like, Why am I so stupid that

I didn't

No,

know her.

Um, she was actually my hand therapist.

gosh.

Welcome to the empath and the narcissist podcast. Where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse.

. I am your host, Raven Scott,

this is episode

1, 0 2, the most common traits of narcissistic personality disorder. With Victoria Koray.

This episode is sponsored by better help. I numbed myself to stop the pain and I reached out to friends for. But it wasn't until I gained courage to leave and seek therapy that my dark abyss of hopelessness finally started to let in the light I was so longing for.

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I learned that I wasn't the selfish, lesser person. My ex convinced me I was in my therapy. I was able to get affirmation that I was truly being emotionally and sexually abused. That alone allowed me to release my trauma and grow into the strong coach and mentor that I am today, but I didn't just gain that alone in therapy.

I gained my sense of self autonomy back my power back and my confidence back. Join the 3 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experience better health therapist. Get 10% off your first month@betterhelp.com slash empath. That's better. H E L p.com/e M P a T H in the link in the show notes.

We are just about to close October as domestic violence. Awareness month and. I have with me as special guests today. To share with us how you can be so much stronger than you can even imagine.

Victoria is a survivor and a mother, a special needs miracle child. With more than 16 years of educating herself and countless of others within the special needs community, she brings light to those who've known true darkness. She's dedicated a large portion of her life to aiding those who are not in a position to help themselves.

And she has several degrees and certifications, which also include paralegal degree, ASL masters, first aid. Trickiest tracheostomy certification to black belts and mixed martial arts. And she's currently furthering her studies through online classes at Yale. She also speaks to groups of domestic violence survivors, as well as advocate for both survivors. And special needs families. She is an accomplished author and. Works throughout the year to help bring awareness along with toys for the special needs community, her daughter and her have been featured on TV advocating for those with challenging abilities and also with abused women, having become a survivor has made her into a quote unquote pit bull.

She advocates for these families and individuals and fights tooth and nail for them. She works with special needs families and children, as well as survivors of domestic violence. She offers many different opportunities, . Such as free social groups. That allow individuals, the chance to make new friends that accept you without judgment and without the fear of being bullied.

She also offers classes, legal document preparation, and so much more. I'm so excited to introduce to you today, Victoria.

And without further ado, let's get into the conversation.

Um, Taught me how I didn't want to be. And so I lived that childhood of never feeling I was enough. I was, you know, always blackmailed for things. I got in trouble for things I didn't even do. And uh, I have a half sister who is from a previous marriage with my egg donor and my biological father has nothing to do with her.

And then I have. Brother who is considerably younger, who is hands down the golden child and, uh, my father has nothing to do with him. And, um, none of the either parent has nothing to do with both kids. And I'm no contact. Uh, I've gone no contact for over a year. . Um, but I realized, and it took me a very long time to realize, and a lot of professional therapy to realize that, um, they really put me in the path at.

At one point in time to get with my ex-husband who was a narcissist, and that's putting it mildly. Uh, I had been with my soulmate, the love of my life for four years. We broke up and I had never been on a rebound, but I guess. Call faus Spade. I rebounded and I met this guy, if you wanna call him that, and, uh, he was so charming and so, uh, understanding and had this just amazing disposition.

He, he found my. My weakness, if you will, which was, I so wanted to be a mom. That was like my, my dream was to be a wife and mother and he played it, he played it well, and he rushed me down the express lane of relationships as we all have learned they do. And, um, I didn't live with him until we were married.

I was. I didn't even do anything with him until we were married. As I'm trying to keep it G-rated. Um, I, I even expressed to him, Raven, that I, I wasn't ready. Uh, I think he was pushing it and why we couldn't wait like six more months for even getting engaged and it, it was amazing to me how he would turn it around.

On me. Like, you know, we've been with the wrong people our whole life. Don't you think now that we finally found one another, we should start our life now? Why do we have to wait any longer when we've been with the wrong ones for so long? And then it was like, maybe he's right. Why am I thinking like this?

Um, and then when I would say, you know, Okay, I still think we're moving a little fast because next thing I know, we're engaged. Next thing I know, he's like, We're gonna go get married and cross the country. And I was like, You know, yeah, maybe we're going a little too fast. We need to slow it down. And then guilt trip back on me, I felt horrible.

I, I explained to him right off the bat that. I love the person that he now, I can say portrayed himself as, but I wasn't in love with him. And I told him that, and he said that was because I hadn't let all the walls down from my ex that I was still like mourning over, if you will. And so I told him that he really.

So the next thing I know we're married and I literally was just like, How did this. I moved in with him after we got married and we got pregnant basically right away, and that's when the abuse started.

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No, it was like, why, why wait. You know, Pushing you, pushing you in guilt.

And my family fostered kids their whole life. And even though we didn't have a lot and we, we really withheld everything monetarily so that we could provide foster care for so many kids. And that's how my parents were. And I was thinking, How can I be so selfish? Why am I acting like such a jerk? He's not who I just broke up with.

You know, Everybody was like comparing over there to that and, and I, I was like, I'm just being so wrong. And I started like tearing myself apart, thinking this guy is like everything I wanted, you know, not physically, but I was like, how could I be so selfish and self-centered and, and snobby and be like, well, you know, when he wants what I want.

And so next thing I know

And you're like, Oh, yes, but you know, you're selling, you're selling it hard, so I guess you're right. I guess, you know, Right? They're very convincing and all of a sudden you're like, Well, I guess I'm the one that is being selfish. It's insane how they twist it back on you. It's

Why did you make me do that? Do you think I like doing that to you? And I was like, I would never become that battered woman. You know? Never. And I had a background in martial arts. I was like, I know you're not that dumb. I know you didn't just hit me. And then he did it again. And I was like, I know that didn't happen.

So I said, I'm out. I'm not gonna be that bad wife. And when I tried to leave, he shot and killed my puppy to show me what he would do to me if I left. And that is a in the track stopping moment where I'm like, This is fight or flight. This is, this isn't a joke, you know? And so, you know, Raven, I own what I do.

I own what I did. I did say to him, I will make you a deal as long as you don't touch my. I will not fight you back because he was gonna hit me, but I didn't wanna hurt my child, my unborn child.

So one of the first things you learn in martial arts is you deescalate the situation. It's self defense. You stop the threat and you get out.

That's it. I can't stop a threat when at night you are being woken up with your husband, straddling you, punching you in the face, waking you up in that manner because he wants you to go get him something. and I knew that that was not gonna be an easy way for me just to get out. There was no easy way up this

So

So it's not like we spent all of this, you know, intimate time. We didn't spend any intimate time together prior to us being married.

Yeah.

Now, don't get me wrong, or even, not all military's bad, not all the soldiers are bad, but domestic violence is very, very common in the military, and they're not doing what they need to do to. The spouses and children of the active duty soldiers, men and women are getting abused and it's being turned to blah to die too, and it's more and more every day.

And that has to stop. It has to stop. We've got to do something to, to protect these people because it's nobody else is doing it.

I'm not getting beat up. Like I'm fine. There's still that emotional abuse realm that's maybe in the middle, narcissistic personality traits, and then you could even go to the lower, like toxic, right? So we don't deserve to be beat, We don't deserve to be manipulated or guilted. We deserve to have our boundaries held and honored no matter what situation you're in.

I just have to bring that up and, and I says, So tragic that, you know, to, to have to experience something so intense when you weren't even living together. So he really couldn't see the signs. He was able to have his mask up really well, cuz you didn't see it slip, you weren't in there, you weren't living with

him and you were traveling and all that.

So this is, yeah, it's just

did a

He was one way with the door open and another way with the door shut, metaphorically like, Everything was about him. He never could admit fault, didn't matter what happened. I mean, he could drop something literally in front of you, but he would blame me for doing it because it was all about his ego and what could done for him.

And, um, the perception of what everybody thought about him. Um, he, he would throw me to the wolves, so to speak, to make himself look better. It was just the fact that like everything was at fault and it was my fault. I owed him for ruining his life for, you know, him taking me in and having to put up with me, having to put up with my morning sickness.

Um, and then he would go and tell everybody one thing at work and then another thing at home, but he wanted to be the hero. He would tell me these stories of how he like did these things overseas. And then much later on when I actually got out, I found out that none of them were true. and it's, it's so horrifying because I started really seeing a lot of the same signs of him that my biological father had.

And that's it. It made me so upset that I didn't see it sooner. Now, I, I was very fortunate in the fact that my, my biological parents never put hands on me. Uh, so it wasn't a physical abuse in any way. Um, Like my biological father would use me as an escape to see other women. Like he would tell his wife, I'm going out with Victoria for dinner, and then he would bring another woman to dinner and it would be like, If you tell her that, I'm gonna tell her you made me meet her.

Which I don't understand that concept, but we don't think

like they

I

and it, Yeah.

He was never affectionate. No hugs. I've never ever seen him and his wife, which is my mom. I've never seen them like kiss. I've never seen them hold hands. It, it was a very un nurturing relationship growing up, which I was very fortunate. The fact I had my grandparents who were the absolute complete opposite.

And I remember asking them, I asked my grandmother one day, Why is my dad quote unquote so different? You raised them and you're so different. And they said that he ruined and his wife ruined him and money ruined him. Um, he wants the perception of having power and money. And I said, Well, I don't understand that.

And they said, Well, they raised you and you're just like, You choose to act that way, you're, you're choosing not to follow in their footsteps. And then I've learned later on, that means I'm breaking the cycle. Like I don't do any of that to, or with my daughter or my kids. It's, I don't want them to go through the, excuse my French, the hell that we went through, you know, with that.

And I saw so much of that with my ex as well.

But they, they praise you and they put you. In front of like a trophy in public to make them look good. Because look what I have, Look at this person. And they're always trying to, you know, put the persona forward in the public that they're perfect. They are excellent storytellers,

and they have to be the hero.

It's like a Napoleon complex that's like how they, um, how they value. Worth is by being the hero because really inside, like they suck and they have trauma, and they have pain, and they have wounds, and then they blackmail you, like your, your father would do. And they lack intimacy, like true intimacy. Have you touched, you know, I was, um, my husband research recently.

Have you touched your partner 10 times today? A touch on the back, a hug, a you know, a handhold. That's what our human, you know, related bodies like need from real, true love and intimacy. Have you gotten that lately? And if you ask for it, do you get like verbally abused that you don't deserve it and they do all this other stuff for you?

Or do they say, Oh, I'm so sorry, and they give you a hug? I've been so busy. Let me just like spend a moment, right? Cause we can all get busy, but if you def get deflected and if you get like berated because you're asking for intimacy. , there's your sign that that person is not healthy for you. That person's

not healthy for anybody.

But anyways,

going on. Move on.

We moved in with them. Um, but it

was, it was, yes, but it was incredibly tough because, um, my daughter was in the NICU for six months and I never went home. I stayed with her, uh, the entire time. She is just a shining star. She's amazing. And when. Grandfather, like my grandfather, Raven, would always brag, Look, look at my baby girl, look at my sweet girl.

And we always had these great pictures and things of us together and it was, you know, I lived inre to make sure I made them proud and I didn't do anything that would upset or disappoint them and make them think I didn't do good. And it wasn't because they never, you know, berated me in any way. It was because I wanted to make them proud, because that's how amazing they were to me.

And so, with that being said, Um, the, my parents had barely anything to do with me and my daughter. I had all these surgeries. My daughter had surgeries. You know, my biological father would use the excuse that he was going with the girls, and then he would go off with somebody else and. The, the, the big part of how I got away from him is for the, for a couple of years, he was always talking to other women, like constantly.

If my biological mother would go to her older daughter's house to babysit, then he would use that excuse every single time to go out to dinner with another girl. And we would, you know, he would say, I'm not doing it this time, just, you know, let's meet for dinner. And I got to the point where I would meet him and if we met him there and a woman came.

I'm not doing this. And he would have, he would say to my daughter, You can't tell grandma who was at dinner. It was just the three of us. And I'm like, I am not teaching my child to lie. That's not how this works. And so with that being said, I started going in for. Therapy and stuff like that with my arm.

And we were going to have a big surgery coming up, so I decided, like I did very often with my daughter, that we were gonna do a weekend, mom and daughter, like get away for the weekend and we were gonna go to the aquarium and you know, just go do some stuff. So he said, I'll go with you and we'll make it like a three generation thing or whatever.

And I said, First of all, I'm driving. and it's going to be, um, we're gonna have separate rooms cuz I just think that's kind of weird sharing a room with him and. That's fine. So we get up there and we check in and everything's great. First night we go to dinner. Um, I think we went to a couple of tourist things and then the next day we got up, we had breakfast, we met him down there, and then we went to do like airas stuff, uh, blowing airas and stuff like that.

And he kept looking at his watch and I didn't think anything. and then it started raining. And I said, Okay, we're gonna go back cuz we walked everywhere. So we're gonna go to the hotel and get umbrellas and stuff. And he says, Okay, I gotta make a couple phone calls. I'll meet you in half an hour. Great. So half an hour later I get a text message, What's your room number again?

Okay, well, whatever. So I text him the room number and when there's a knock on the door, my daughter goes to open the door and there is a female there with her child.

Reagan, I was dumbfounded. I was like, What is this? And he said, Well, you know,

it's the,

perfect excuse.

Now she's up here and I get to spend time with her. I always fit to be, I was like, Why am I so stupid that

I didn't

No,

know her.

Um, she was actually my hand therapist.

gosh.

imagine how much in shock you were

so in shock Well, I didn't realize that they had become buddies. He had come up one time with me when I had to get my hand therapy done, which was near their house, and I was gonna take him and drop him off somewhere and he went with me so I could take him after.

And he met her and I didn't think anything of it. I thought, okay, that was it. He, whatever. Apparently not the end of that one. And so my daughter,

who. A feisty little firecracker starts taking pictures of them together and they're in the hotel room and, um, we end up going to the aquarium and I said, I'm not going with y'all.

Y'all go do your own thing. I'm going with my daughter. This was our plan for the weekend to have our time together. That's what we're doing. Bye. And he is like, Do you wanna take her daughter with No

He's like, you know, why

can't you do this for me? How

come you can't do this for me? You know, aren't, don't I deserve a little happiness in my life?

I'm

like, Start at home with your wife. And I was like, You know, she might not be the perfect

person, and if you want, get a divorce and then I'll be your biggest cheerleader. But until then, no. So we went to the aquarium. He, he kept calling and saying, You know, you really could meet up with us and, and, So afterwards we went and got something to eat and they met us at the restaurant.

And as soon as we had gotten done eating, we left. And then they, and the whole time my daughter's taking pictures of them, like canoodling and on my phone, and he's like, You better not do anything with those. And you know, he was like, I'm warning you. And he, she's like, What are you gonna give me? And he goes, What do you want?

And I mean, he's

priming my kid. . And she's like,

deal with him.

fine. And she's like, I mean it.

And he goes, You can't tell her that she was up here, whatever. And I said, This is not okay. And I told my daughter, Faith, you cannot do this. And she's like, Why? I could get all the books I want.

And he, he kept saying, you know, if, Tell your mom, I will tell her you're the one who brought her up here. And I said, How can you put this on me? Like, okay, let's look at that scenario. You go home, you tell your wife, I brought you up a woman. I didn't have you canoodling with her. I didn't have you sitting next to her, making out with her.

So how is that my fault? How are you gonna put that on? So needless to say, um, my daughter had asked Tim to go to a movie with him for the longest time, and he always said, No, I don't want to, blah, blah, blah. Well, of course he takes her to a movie and he's texting the whole time, and I've kept the text messages.

I kept all the evidence of the, this time with this woman and when we get back to the house, we get back. Cuz to me it wasn't home. You know, he and I had a huge blowout cuz he was like, I'm telling you right now, you better not tell your mother and if you do, I'm gonna make her believe it was your idea. So I went up there to her and I, you know, she only gets one side of the story and, and there's no point in me telling my side.

She's not gonna listen. She has it made. She has it made. Like they have lots of money. She has everything she needs. She doesn't have to want or need anything cuz it's all provided. So I, I just said to her, I said, I'm not the bad person that you think I am, but I want you to know that if he doesn't tell you why we're arguing, I really wish you would really think about what that could be for.

Why would we be arguing? And I said, Think of my values and what I don't stand. Why would I be arguing with him? And she didn't get it. Like, she just didn't catch it. Um, and we moved out and when I did, I, I couldn't do it anymore. Raven, it was killing me to, to keep all this in. I watched him belittle my brother, um, who is an incredibly smart individual who has really.

An unfair advantage, I mean, disadvantage on a lot of

things.

You know, he, my dad, Raven, would make fun of him all the time. He would send me these text messages about how he's worthless and, and that he will never amount to anything and that he can't stand the fact that he's gay.

And, um, I said, As long as he's with someone who doesn't put their hands on him, who cares? And now granted the choice that he made for his first relationship, which was when he. 33 is the first time he got in a relationship wasn't the best, but that's his choice, um, in that regard. And I, I have all these messages of him, you know, he belittles everyone.

Like I sent him a picture. I sent my dad a picture of my mom and he wrote back. I just ate. So like I have all of this and I really, I sat down when I left and I asked my, my mother to get Christmas. ,

um, a while back and I said, You know, can we get our Christmas stuff that we left in your attic? And she put it outside like we were evicted.

Like, you need to bring a truck. You need to come and get it. This is where it is. It's outside the house. .

And when we pulled up, my daughter wanted to see the dog and we weren't allowed in the house. And I was like, This is insane. This is so stupid. And I said, Look, I don't wanna do this. And I said, You know what?

I know what I'm, I'm walking away from right now, and that's okay because my self worth is worth more. I know that you're gonna go and say something to your husband and that's fine. That's your choice. But I can't be a guilty conscience anymore, and I'm tired of being blackmailed. Whenever he did anything wrong, he blamed me.

Even if I wasn't even around, it didn't matter. And I said, He has had so many other women, and she's like, I don't believe you. Okay, well, pictures don't lie. And I showed her pictures and I said, I am not showing you these to hurt you. That's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to let you see why we have no relat.

and I said, and I'm trying to show you why you don't have a relationship with my daughter, because he keeps talking about how horrible you are, what a bad person you are, how you've ruined your son. And it is, you know, literally made it where my daughter is doing thing to do with you based on what she hears from her grandfather.

So I'm showing her all these pictures, I'm showing her text messages, and I said, If I was doing this in malice, I would've sent all this to you, my brother and my half sister, because it would've destroyed my. It would've absolutely destroyed him if he had seen the messages that my dad had written about him.

And I didn't. I said, I'm just showing you so that you know

what he is saying. And I said, You know, you can say there's a, he said, she said, which as a, as a survivor, you hear that your whole life. But when you have proof there, there's nothing really that needs to be said. And I said, You don't think he's done anything wrong, then tell me why you didn't know that this woman went on the trip with us.

Well, maybe he forgot how, How do you forget to tell your wife that another woman went with or met up there? How, How,

do you forget that? And I was like,

Do you

get up and leave.

Like if you tell, then you guys are gonna have to go and find somewhere else to live. Well, at that time, we were doing 20 to 25

medical appointments a week with therapies. She was in physical therapy, speech

therapy, occupational therapy. I couldn't have gone anywhere else at that point, and I'm eternally grateful for the fact they let us stay there.

Don't get me wrong. But it was

hell. I mean, it really was. . I showed her all these and I said, I'm not letting you keep 'em. You can look through 'em, but I'm not letting you keep 'em. And I said, I know what

I just lost doing all

this, and that's okay, but I'm not gonna carry this anymore. He's done

this

she's afraid, right? Usually fear is what kind of keeps us in

enabling this bad behavior is I don't know who else

will love me. I don't know. I don't have like a good resume.

How am I gonna

make the money and survive

and

all these things.

she doesn't cook. And I mean, literally, They, she's got the, the pampered life

emotionally, right? Like this is this, If you're in

this just like, you know this her mom, and you're like, I'm stuck. I don't know how to get out. There is always a choice, right? Like we talked about before, the light path, the dark path. The light path might not be easy, but you can rebuild back from

nothing. And

you know, for me, what I found, and I'm sure you can attest to this, Victoria emotional abundance is far more rewarding

and abundant

then actual physical

in this

world. Abundance.

And they held it over my head for the longest time. Okay, fine. You know, that's what you wanna do. You're gonna do it, whatever I do anyway, no matter what. So, be that way. Life's too short. I've almost died way too many times. Life is too short. I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it. I feel like I am the richest person in the world.

I have the love of my life. I married my soulmate from back in the day. He's adopted my daughter, and we have the best life we have. I focus on doing nothing but paying it forward and helping other survivors and special needs families. We actually breed golden retrievers to help with the support dogs.

Everything is amazing because of it. I mean, it's you. You have to be able to walk away and it's horrible and you see that you feel like you've got nothing going for you, that you've lost your inner light, but you have a spark left and that spark will start a forest fire. You, you can't give up on

yourself because you can't.

You can't change a narcissist, even though mine was undiagnosed and it's amazing that the ones that need therapy refuse to go, but. Would literally just like, he would go in front of people and say, Oh, I'm doing all this to take care of my daughter who was beaten. And I, I would meet people that I had no idea who they were, and they were like, You look so different than your pictures.

And

I, I What pictures? Oh, your, your dad sent me pictures where your

husband beat you. I'm sorry. What? And this is what I would get all the time. And I'm like, I.

and he, he literally would just do that to make himself the hero. Like he brought us in and he took care of us. Absolutely not true.

I worked wa, you know, to, to be there.

I took care of things

and it didn't matter because

it's what happens behind that closed door. And, you

know, I was constantly

away from your. Ex-husband. But yeah,

that

was it. Nothing

grateful for shelter,

but

know, I'll do this or I'll do

that, you know, don't I deserve to be happy too? I don't get five minutes of time to myself, which is all he did.

And you know, you, you hear it over and over again.

And whenever he started, I would tell my

daughter to. To the other

side of the house. Go upstairs, Go whatever.

And I always sent her out. I said, This is nothing I ever want you to experience because it will stay with you forever.

And I don't want that for you. So,

you know, go, go somewhere

else.

list of common traits is refusing therapy, isolating the, the victim, cheating, manipulation, gossip. It's just all, just like the negative low vibration things. It's just awful and insidious. So tell us before we end.

physical

body?

Correct.

Tell us a little bit about that. Maybe people are struggling.

had over. a hundred surgeries. Um, like I said to you before, we recorded, I, I own my, my fault. And when my daughter was, um, battling to stay and she fought like she did to be here with me, I literally, if it wasn't life threatening, it had to wait. because I stayed with her and so I needed to

have corrective surgery on my shoulder and my foot and my hand and my

fingers and my

jaws, and I didn't. and so I

know I exacerbated

from

Waited until she had her tracheostomy removed until she was de cannulated, because that is a full 24 hour day responsibility. And if I'm, you know, rehabbing from shoulder surgery, you can't be there if she gets a plug, if she needs an emergent trach change. And so all of that waited and so I know it, it.

The injuries, if you will. And so, like if you look at my face on both sides of my face, you see long scars down the sides. Um, I've had both jaws completely replaced. There's 26 pieces of metal in my face, um, from replacement. I'm deaf so I have hearing aids cuz my eardrums were ruptured. I have a shoulder replacement, I have um, had four.

Permanent stem routers placed to provide like an electric current, um, to help with nerve damage. I have, I'm like the bionic woman. I have screws and

pins and plates everywhere. Um, my fingers before I lost them were all screws and pins, um, and wires. And then I became partially paralyzed because the ulnar.

Basically died and we did a um, uh, a nerve conductive study and it said that

it was just gone. And so it started spreading. They gave me what's called a crps, which is a complex regional pain syndrome. And so I, after 16 surgeries on my hand and arm, they told me that it was really a lost cause except just putting on band aids, which is a temporary fix.

And so, I had no choice. I had to amputate, and now I'm trying

to learn to live what that's like, which is incredibly frustrating to say the

least.

dressed, um, trying to pull my pants up with my left hand.

I can't cuz it's not there. And I'm having to like, Oh, come on. And so, you know, there's so many things that you take for granted. My husband, bless his heart, he. For a full day. He wanted to see what it was like. So he put a sock over his hand and he put a, like a, a splint sling thing, contraption, if you will.

And he tried to go a whole day And he was

like, I don't know how you're doing it. Like, I, I have no idea how you're doing this. And at the end of the day, he was like, I, I knew at the whole day long I was gonna have my hand back at the end of the day. So I guess that made me not really upset in the aspect.

I knew this was temporary, but it was so frustrating. He's like, I couldn't open a jar and I couldn't, you know, go to the bathroom. How do you button a button?

And, and he was like, I just, It's a whole

different kind of learned respect that you have for someone who

goes through something

like this.

strength of your mind has to be even more

stronger to be like,

I can do

this the rest of my

out.

go through it and don't know how to do it.

between my legs and all that fun stuff. .

can.

annoying.

it was our anniversary

and I'm

ferous things that are, are important to other people in life and the world's like, Hey, you know what? This is here. I've got

this for you. Please don't make me wrap it. Otherwise, you're just an a-hole

Like, just accept the gift.

ab And then

my husband has just a sense

of humor and he's like, Babe, can I hold

your nevermind. Cause he, and then he is like, Hey, high five, Nevermind. You can't do that. And I'm like, Yeah, no more handouts. Oh, thanks, thanks. And I was like, Hey, for Halloween, I could be thing, you know, And daddy and I was like, Maybe I can, uh, be Captain Hook.

And you know, we told my daughter, I was like, Wait till you try and date. And somebody comes over and they try to shake my hand and it comes off

because if you don't, you know, you'll

really put yourself into a.

goes back to like the emotional abundance is far more fulfilling and important than the physical realm of

what you have.

just hit the

power button by accident the very first time and I was like, This is fantastic.

I don't hear him like, This

is great. And he's going on and on and on and on. And he goes, Do you hear me? And I can read lips. And

I was like, Huh. And he goes, Are those on?

And I went, Nope. And I was

like, silver

lining. Great. Cause then you don't

have to hear it, you know?

Right. There's always

a silver lining.

It's

that's what we always talk about here, is that mental health and the mental strength.

So a any, in our conclusion here, we've gone through all of these common traits of personality disorder and you've been through the ringer. Um, what empowering message can you leave the, um, audience to, to take from your

experience?

days, and that just because they have been through something that is this awful, A, it is not

their fault. B, they did not deserve it, and

they can be even happier than they ever were before.

Now that they've recognized what they're involved. They should be so proud of themselves for even taking that first step and realizing it and acknowledging it

and they're so much stronger than you realize

because they're

not giving

themselves that credit.

show?

media, Instagram, TikTok. It's a contagious smile. I have a group on, uh, Facebook. It is private, but you can find it.

It's called a Contagious Smile. I vet everybody because I make sure we have no wolves in there. It's an incredibly supportive group. Uh, you can find me, Victoria Curre on Facebook. Um, we have a website, a contagious smile.com, and

my memoir is

Who kicked first, which you can find on.

vulnerably.

appreciate it.

This week Cathy and I are creating the soul activation. Masterclass. So I'm so excited to share with you that on the first week of November, so make sure that you sign up to the newsletters, you receive the announcement of when that drops so you can purchase that.

As part of that masterclass as well, so don't miss it. Make sure you sign up , anywhere on my website to my newsletter so that you will receive that announcement. The Trauma to Triumph Summit is happening October 30th. Make sure you grab your ticket and attend. That's coming up. I'm so excited this weekend.

And.

You know, you can always listen to my book on Audible. That's available on Audible and paperback, and hard cover. .

So I have lots of resources for you to help you in a spiritual journey, help you heal and help you on this healing journey

to support you empath.

Follow me @RavenScottshow and DM me free gift to automatically get your free, how to Draw Powerful Boundaries Workshop straight into your DM.

And start healing yourself and taking back the power in your life today.

See you next episode.

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