Armageddon (For The First Time)

Artwork for podcast The Last Video Store Clerks

Episode 8 • 2nd June 2022 • The Last Video Store Clerks • Last Clerks

Welcome everyone to the last video store clerks podcast with Frank and Scott, the days of blockbuster, Hollywood, and the independent video store over. But the days of searching the shelves for hidden gems and overlook called classics has never ended join us while we drown in a sea of streaming options.

And ask the question, what the hell is a good movie. Anyway, I'm Frank I'm Scott, and we're the last video store clerks.

I saw a video of Dave Mustaine and I don't like any story. Let's start that way. No.

Somebody who was like, yeah. And then this and that Curt, you know, how do you feel about Kurt Cobain? He was like, well, he's a good shot. There he does.

yeah, dude. I forget if he was like, he doesn't miss her. He's a good shot, but, and it was old. So this had to have been like fresh and I was like, Dave Mustaine gives zero fucks. We would be friends. We'd be good for it. It's got dark already. It did.

Oh man, this is going to be a good one. Yeah. We're in both in rare form today. I went through a lot, man. It's been a rough fucking day. I'm just hanging out. I'm happy. I made it over here. I didn't watch as much TV is normal this week. I watched the movie we're supposed to watch, but I just, I fell into comfort zones, started watching X-Files again.

Oh, that's awesome. Which we could probably spend an entire episode. Just you and me talking about some X-Files how many times both of us have watched it all the way through, we fell off around season four, started watching something else. And then when we started again and I was like, right, this is right where it gets good.

Weirdly enough, uh, kind of goes with this week's theme. I think where I'm at in the X-Files and season four is like 96 97. And is it in between four and five when you watch the movie or is it in between five and six in between fights? It might be four or five it's, four or five and five and six is when you watch the first season four is where you get, you finally get a cigarette smoking man backstory.

Oh, that's when they start diving into the cancer man backstory. And when he like John, uh, Lee Harvey Oswald gives them that pack of cigarettes. The Morley's yeah. The more lazy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, his story was deep. You didn't know that was coming. I think Vince Gilligan is our writer at this point. And like I was saying before about how like Vince Gilligan is really good at that sympathy for the devil thing, you really do kind of feel bad for this, the cigarette smoking man, when you get to that point, I think by the time you get to current, X-Files you no longer have any sympathy for the devil anymore.

And the fact that he's still kicking is probably just so real. I mean like Billy billionaire, rich guys. Yeah. The asshole's still going somehow. The one who's done everything horrible in the world. Yeah. But I liked that he kills JFK and kills Martin Luther king, but he won't kill the alien. Like he's like, I'm not doing this one.

That's right. Almost forgot about that all the way. I appreciate the N that he's like a struggling science fiction writer. That was the most humanizing shit to me. Cause I was like, oh my God, that's me sending off fucking manuscripts and hanging fucking rejection letters on the wall. Inspiration. I just pointed out that that was my first rejection letter.

Oh, I never knew. Yeah. That's what that is. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's a form. They didn't read it. So today we did a Armageddon. W we'll start talking about it. W. I watched a couple of things that I have. I started the new star Trek movies over again, the Chris pine. I like them. They're good. And it's been while.

Yeah. And I'm into star Trek. I'll watch any star Trek that comes on TV. I grew up with next generation on TV. Yeah, same. My dad made me watch the Kirk movies when I was a kid. I had to find the old show and reruns and well, yeah, when I, the video store I with like, I watched all of the original series and I was like, God damn as short as fuck.

Not, not very long, but the original series episodes per season. Yeah. Aren't those like, what are they like there? It's huge. It's such a big number for episodes for season and that, and those, I used to watch them. I used to stay up so late and it was before I had a TV in a room at my mom's house. They had a little handheld portal TV, and this thing was black and white with one of those long metal wiring tenders that you pull out.

Eight AA batteries or something insane. But if I could tune in those local stations just right, I would catch that, oh, gee star Trek in black and white on this little hand. Well, I think what JJ Abrams got right with the new star Trek was Kirk, back in the day, he was just like corn fed farm boy football quarterback, barrel chested guy.

And to sell that character to us, I thought it was so perfect. He just takes his dad away. He just kills his fucking dad. And you know, you make this angry Kirk that our generation can relate to. And that was a Hemsworth. Oh yeah. Was damn man. And Zoe Saldana was in it. I like that. She likes to do SIFA. Yeah.

Checkoff rip. Oh yeah. Anton have 10 man. Yeah. I was like, Graham. He, he w he was so good and everything that he was in, he was going to do things so good. And I need to watch greenroom. The guy who directed greenroom directed or the toxic Avenger movie. So yeah, I watch like, you know, new star Trek documentary on Netflix that they're making right now.

And then an article caught my eye. That was like a toxic Avenger. Reboot gets our rating. And I was like, wait, toxic Avenger, reboot. I haven't heard shit about this. I always kind of hoped that if that happened, James Gunn would do it. Cause he's a trauma guy. Cause James Dugan's first movie was Tromeo and Juliet, which I don't know if you ever saw that they are brother and sister in that shit.

Wow. No, no miss that one, but I did watch those original toxic Avengers. You know, I saw the cast for this new one. When I was a video store clerk. I went through every trauma movie. We had every single one and we had a lot. He wouldn't let me make a trauma section though. I don't know why the Cronenberg trailer was the only other thing that really caught me this time.

You were texting you about it. You're like, yeah, the new Cronenberg and you start talking and you talk about, and you never once said the name of the movie. So I'm literally I'm online and I'm like crimes of the future I had to, but it was easy to figure out. Did you watch the trailer

the same way when we're? I think I just got off topic. Cause as soon as I did, I was like, Ooh, cosmopolitan is on there. That's something that's on our list with Robert Pattinson that he directed. And then I think I, I saw somebody in that movie that was in what we just watched. We went down a fucking, I went down my own rabbit hole, trying to find out what movie you were talking about.

It's got a Vigo Morrison. It's got a Vigo, Kirsten and Kristen Stewart, Kirsten Dunst fucks me up. Her she's gotta be a Kirsten. Kirsten, Kiersten, Kiersten done Kirsten, Kirsten danced. I don't know. Kiersten, slow motion running. Jumanji fucking Amber Atkins. Hate melancholia, love drop dead. Gorgeous. I love drop dead.

Gorgeous. I like Kiersten, Kiersten, Dunst. I just know. I just say Kirsten. I was fucking with you. I didn't even mean to, I'm not as self-conscious about it. I like her a lot. I think she makes good choices. She's great. Melancholy was fucking hate Lars one. True. We've we've covered this though. Yeah. We listen to the killing of a sacred deer episode.

If you want to hear me just go on a rant about how much large one trigger is a fucking Dick. I am so sick of him making slow motion, running movies. Darren Aronofsky did mother, mother. I have a soft spot for mother. I don't want to watch it again, but I need to watch it again to make sure I understood everything.

But, like I said before, black metal cat in the hat,

that's awesome. Get out of my house.

But today we're doing Armageddon, which, uh, I think all those things sort of contribute to it. I have never seen Armageddon. This was my first time watching Armageddon. My wife watched Armageddon with me. She had nostalgic feelings about Armageddon. I, uh, avoided it at all costs. This came out when 96, right?

98 98. Okay. So 98 does right before high school. Uh, I think at that point I was SciFest. Um, alien was still the best movie I'd ever seen the alien and blade runner. And I was starting to be formed as a human. I was getting, I was understanding more. I was getting there. I was old enough to understand that Aerosmith had gone to shit, the song, the Aerosmith song for this.

Was written by a woman who writes score music. That's why it sounds like a pop country song, you know, in recent years, hasn't Steven, Tyler fucked with country. I wouldn't be surprised. So you have nostalgia when you watch Armageddon, you saw him, we're getting around the time it came out and watch new releases with the family, with different friends houses.

You know, I've watched the rock with Shep for the first time, another Michael bay. I somehow avoided this to the point where, uh, while we were watching it, like, I didn't even see some of the things coming like, well, I was like, this is what's going to happen. And Kelly was like, you honestly don't know that's what's going to happen.

And I was like, well, I do because writer, but not from a, because the, I looked it up, the six fucking people wrote this movie. Two of them came up with the story. Two of them adapted that story into a screenplay to more people. Polished it while it was being made, as you mentioned, it's a, it's a nineties action movie that had the budget.

It had the backing, you know, like, yeah, these six people wrote it, the head that they brought in the posse, it's a horrible movie studio creation. Like, this is what we're going to do. This is the idea who are we going to get to bank it? Who are you going to get to direct it? Who's going to fix the script.

Who are we going to get to be in it? You know, that's, that's what this was all about. So I avoided it. I knew that I also knew that this was the only one Michael bay has ever been. Like, I apologize for that one. And once I knew that I was like, good, I'll just never, I'll just never bother. Well, you know, I didn't look up the numbers, but that movie did.

That movie makes because people have money, horrible taste, it breaks down the dollars in that song. That thing was on VH1, MTV over and over. It was on the radio. Oh, I couldn't handle it at the time. I was like, I just, I'm not fucking interested. And this is a time of Ben Aflac that I fucking hated. Ben Affleck.

I thought Ben Affleck was a good Batman. I've been contested with that. A lot of times he did. Good enough. Excellent. Bruce Wayne, who cares? Who's wearing the fucking mask. I care about who plays Bruce Wayne, as far as I'm concerned, Kevin Conroy is Batman and he's just been the cartoon voice my whole life.

I think Val Kilmer was the worst Batman really? That's yeah. I think worse than Clooney. I think. I don't know. Bat nipples. Yeah. The bat nipples. That was huge. Um, no, I, and you know, I even liked Batman forever better than Batman and Robin. I just feel like he didn't pull it off as well. I think we'll learn that.

And Lego Batman was better than Val Kilmer in Batman forever. I think we'll learn out. It was an excellent Batman.

But no, and I mean, fucking, I, I love Val Kilmer just, and I'm sorry to get us off topic on that, but he was my least favorite of the modern day, Batman around the same time as Armageddon. Yeah, they were all right there. There was that scream for shitty action movie. The closest Batman to Armageddon was Batman and Robin, and I'm not going to lie.

I like Michael bay, man. I like really bad. Michael bay movies a lot. There's a place for it. There's a reason. This is, this is our first criterion collection movie. Yeah. Uh, well, no. I mean, Y he has criterion movies is because he makes movies. That center demographic wants big trucks, fast cars, people that are, you know, rowdy because this movie is every kind of action movie trope jammed into a really weak Saifai prem.

Yep. And it was overwhelming and I'll give it that. I had fun watching this movie. It's a fun movie. It's an, it's one of those nineties action blockbusters. It's just like, but I didn't have any of this nostalgia to pull from. I feel like that was critical in watching this movie now, like I said, one of our friends from a long time ago had the Ben poster of him in the oil field.

From Armageddon, like when he goes and gets him, he's like kneeled over, you know, one of those poses where he's like kneeling, looking at the camera and he's like, I'll not so dirty roughneck in the oil fields, but that was on her wall. I was just like, oh man. And it didn't look like anything because, you know, Armageddon, you think spaceships Bruce Willis live, but no it's been in the oil fields looking sexy.

This was a time where like Ben Affleck was trying on hats, that asshole from the fashionable male.

And he's great in it's fantastic. It was when he was trying to be like charming and funny because Ben Affleck to me belongs in that gone girl. Where he's the guy who likes smiles and appropriately when his wife is missing. That's perfect for him. Well, yeah. And I mean, you know, he's still seeing the side chick from school.

I feel like that is Ben Affleck. It's definitely. Cause I mean, after that was like Pearl Harbor, you know, again, and that when you've got, uh, Josh Hartnett was in it, I've never seen Burl, never started playing as much as, you know, as well-rounded, as my film is all the Michael bay. No, I did. You ever see all the new transformers?

Not all of them. Not all of them. No, not all. Did you watch the three shires? I watched two maybe. Okay. And the third one too. Uh, no, no, not even with TJ Miller in there. Oh yeah. I love TJ melon. Yeah. He's he's hilarious. Yeah. What was the last thing we saw him in? Was the, was it that Kristen Stewart? Oh, underwater was great.

Oh fuck. Yeah. I love that movie. I love craft movie and disguise really like, but this, I don't know how I avoided it for so long to the point where I really like those movies. It feels like a McDonald's movie, the same age. And it was one of those things you just saw it. Like, you know, I watched the rocket chef's house.

Um, I like the rock I re I love bad boys. Bad boys is the shit I like Michael bay winners go home and fuck the problem. The audacity of Michael bay is, is really cool to me in every Michael bay movie, you can watch him cutting corn. You know where he's like, who cares? This was just top tier Michael bay, ignoring shit.

He filmed this entire movie in 16 weeks. No way, which explains some shit, because a lot of stuff has jammed into this movie. And does that explain the timeline in the movie? Because that was one of my big asterisks we'll get through the summary, but yeah, that was one of the things. When I started the movie, it seemed like they were cutting every shot down to its bare minimum.

The action hadn't started yet, but it was being cut together, like an action sequence. And I was like, oh fuck, I don't have well, and he has this signature style to the way that he shoots. And I was looking for like a common terminology that's used. And the best thing that I could find was the hero shot.

And it's when he does those 360 or 180 pans. And I actually watched something in a documentary once about how other directors have tried to do it and you can do it, but nobody really does it. How he does. What was really weird was I didn't point out a bad, special effect. I never was like, that looks terrible.

Yeah. For 98 it was all good. I mean, there were some of the cockpit seen. He dated for sure. Oh, the spaceship inside the space looked bad. Like it looked really, ah, I don't even want to compare it to a star Trek set because I think those are better. It's been a long time since I've seen Armageddon. Like, I can't tell you how long it's been, but I feel like I did watch enough back then where things came back a little faster.

So I was able to focus on the fine details inside the spaceship when shit starts rocking around. That's yeah. I almost wanted to watch this again, just cause I was like, ah, that was fine. This is like getting slapped in the face with Michael bay. Wicked looking asteroid. Huh? Didn't you like that tail? Did you like the tail?

It looked cool. You didn't like it? You're faking it. Tell me the truth. I'm weird about Saifai shit. Was it not an accurate meteor tale? No, it wasn't even that it was just, I don't know. I don't think I noticed that much. Oh. So if the, the tail on this meteor it's like this really cool cosmic green suede, this movie overwhelmed me with.

What the fuck that guy's in it. What the fuck? What the fuck? I looked at the list and there's so many people and I was like 10 there's, 10 names. People, you will know they've been so many and it wasn't even like beginning or anything of their career or anything like that. Uh, it was, it was just a star-studded cast.

I mean, this is like your prime 98 cast. Oh. And Wilson was kind of up and coming, like he was there, but sorta he is a man. He was a minor character. He was probably fresh off Anaconda if it was 98, I feel like Anaconda was 97. Tried to write a summary of the movie too. And as I was doing it, I was like, I'm going to fill several pages.

If I just keep going like this. So I like started going through things that would come up organically and let's try to get through. So it's sort of, oh yeah, no, I'm not going to lie. You had the names in the middle of the summary. So I thought that's what you wanted to do. Well, I was trying to jam some things in there that I didn't have to, and straight up, not going to refer to anyone by their character's name because there's too many people in this.

Basically. I was trying just to assume what you were doing. And I tried to pull that off so smooth and you're like, no, no, well, there's some summary first Dick. I thought I was, I thought I did it right. Well, this was so scattered. I was like, I just need to put it in, in some sort of sense for myself, even like, I was like, even if we don't do this, because everybody's seen this fucking movie, but me, so, you know, fucking everybody has seen them fucking Armageddon, maybe you're real young and you never wanted to.

You were like, well, that looks terrible when you would be. Right. But, but I thought it was worth, uh, stating in summary form by somebody who grew up during this time and then avoided watching it. I'm never going to watch Titanic by the way. I'm not fucking doing that. I'm going to hold onto the spike. I was, I was into doing this because people have been like, it's a good, bad movie.

And I like a good, bad movie. I'm like one, a lot, a toxic venture. I'm really excited about that because those were really bad. And I really liked them when I was a kid. I watched football too several times. Oh, you got me curious about, okay, we're going to do the summary. So we don't have to go back and explain where we are when we're talking about anything.

If you haven't seen Armageddon, if not forward 15 fucking w like, so he starts out as an old man.

The wrinkles and everything. Hugh Jackman, I was going for Benjamin button.

Did you ever see tree of life? So a shuttle mission, which is being overseen by Billy Bob Thornton is destroyed, which alerts NASA that a Texas sized asteroid has headed for the earth. They decided to send a team of extremely fucking unqualified oil drillers, roughnecks to the asteroid and, uh, to blow it up with a nuke.

So it splits in half. The drillers are played by Ben Affleck will Patton Steve Buscemi, which was really weird. Uh, Owen Wilson kind of funny looking he's like a Playboy in this is like the Playboy is kind of funny looking. I like the, I liked Steve shammies look the good man, especially if it puts that lipstick on and Billy man just lays back all is off the list.

Glad I called that. So Owen Wilson, Michael Clark Duncan, uh, and Ken Hudson Campbell, who I looked up this guy's, I'm kind of a main character in this movie. Never seen him before, as I was looking, he's been in lots of stuff. He's always the door. The, uh, the guy behind the counter. And he did that, his whole career voices here and there for tunes and stuff like that.

Thinning real thinning hair, fat guy. And he was one of the astronauts. Yeah, he was one of he's the, he was one of the, uh, the oil drillers. He was on his team. Yeah. Is that the guy who I was like, that's the, that's the guy who dies for sure. Cause you don't really know him. He's the most background driller guy.

Yeah. Like he was all of a sudden just on the shuttle and you're like, well, I haven't seen him. Not even like at the bar scene, it's only during training and stuff like that. Yeah. Cause I was like, who is that guy? And I looked him up and he's one of those dudes, he's in a lot of stuff, but he's just one of those guys in that thing you saw.

Wait. And what was his name? Ken Hudson Campbell. Ken Hudson CA oh, what movie was he in? Down Periscope. Oh, I did see that he wasn't down Periscope, an actual name and he wasn't just a server. But then after that he was some guy. In the background of a bunch of movies, always. This was the only thing I think he was almost a starring role outside of down Periscope.

I can't remember down Kelsey grammar. I remember Kelsey grammar and a submarine and golfing off the submarine. That's about, and then he's got a tattoo on his Dick. Oh yeah. That's like a whole joke that the whole thing was fucking ripped. Torn in that movie. Probably. Yeah. Okay. I'm done. Sorry. Washed fucking down Periscope too much.

Yep. Where did it change? The name of this podcast is almost summarized. We finished the summary. We didn't join us next week. So Ben Affleck is dating Bruce Willis. His daughter who's played by Liv Tyler. I have a lot to say about that. Uh, not the, uh, not the pairing or anything like that. Just the romance in this movie really bothered me.

Uh, don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep because I miss you maybe. And I don't want to miss a thing.

And basically most of those movies, a series of montages, so many in which they introduce you to the guys you've already met, uh, they train them, they shoot them into space, a bunch of incompetence and failure. Follow-up self-inflicted, by the way, they're told not to touch things and they just fuck up.

They're set up there with actual astronauts, uh, led by a William fitter. Yeah, it was one of those guys. I always have to look his name up no matter how many times I learn it. He's great. He was an invasion, the TV show on ABC. That was really, I thought it was really good. Oh, they stop and get gas, which is, I mean, clearly you got to stop and get gas at the Russian gas station run by only Russian in the nineties.

Peter Stormare Peter, Stormare only Russian guy in the nineties. Who's a Swedish person. You blew my fucking mind told me that he was held onto it because his reaction when I told him blue is he's always the Russian plays the German or he plays a fucking rush. He was a German nihilist. He was, um, in one of the bad boys movies, he was like a Russian gangster and then engineering.

Fucking Volkswagen commercials. You remember that? He's like dancing next to the car? No, man. I just, oh, those were he's the devil and Constantine, which is, underwrited not a great adaptation of Constantine him as the devil was so fucking good in that I'll have to re Constantine's one of the, I don't watch movies fucked up like drunk.

I don't drink that. But somehow back in the day I was somewhere fucked up trying to watch that movie so it didn't stick it all. And since then I refuse to watch it. Cause I'm like, I need to sit down and watch it. You got to respect a filmmaker that goes in and cuts. Most of Shiloh buff out of a movie.

Holes is great. Know I have no frame of reference to Disney channel Shiloh buff. I was too old by then, but I was pissed. I thought he was some guy who was getting roles that he shouldn't. It was like a really weird thought process that I had for awhile. So even just seeing him in like I robot, I was like, man, he was in I robot real small part.

And he's like the kid who talks to will Smith will Smith fucks up my favorite books. And then yeah. And I mean just something. And I was like, eh, fuck you. And then I didn't, I have to rewatch the latest Indiana Jones too. I don't know if I need to, but I remember seeing Harrison Ford get mad at him in an interview for really, for being shitty about the movie.

Oh, no way. And him being like, you know, it's supposed to fucking promote the movie you're in kid. Like he was grouchy. Harrison Ford is like down on you for that. Something like that. You fucking she'll ride for weeks of Harrison Ford told me some shit, but then again, I probably wouldn't be that disrespectful in front of Harrison fucking forward.

Oh fuck. No man. He's terrifying. Yeah. He's I mean, you look, he's got that scar on his chin, put you in an airplane and crash it.

I love being mean to Harrison Ford. I love Harrison Ford. One of the most beloved actors of my lifetime, some of my favorite movies ever. I love Indiana Jones. Love it. Uh, I think that he should let it go. I've I've said this before. I don't want to see a hunched over Indiana Jones, just like Chris Pratt play, Indiana Jones, pass it off like fucking James Bond.

It's supposed to be American James Bond. Do it. Oh, yeah, the summary. So they, they go up there with some actual astronauts, William Fitchner who's great. And everything. He can't remember his fucking name, but he's really good. He's really fine. Actor makes me want to say sphincter sphincter, but yeah, they, yeah, they make it up there.

They're a incompetence and failure ends up blowing up the Russian space station because they can't not touch anything apparently. And that's the joke they make, but I'll say a couple of people died and they were all red shirts. Cause the astronauts, they send up with them, our star Trek, red shirts they're meant to die.

You know, they're disposable. There were also a bunch of really, really kind of offensive to me. Star wars references throughout the movie. Cause they were like star wars references. People who've never seen star wars could get, fuck you. Why are you doing that? Stop doing that. Stop making star wars jokes.

Was there more than one, there was, uh, I should have written them down. I, the first one was, oh, and Wilson says, oh, I be one. And he's like, you're too baka. And he's like, I'm chewy. And he's like, have you been seeing it? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And so, uh, and it was one of those moments where I was like, fucking hate that era, Ben Affleck, like that age Ben Affleck, where he's like, I want to do a comedy now.

And they're like, no, because Ben Affleck is like a w his strength as an actor is that as a person, he doesn't have a whole lot of personal. I think that's what it is. And so he's trying on hats and this was, this was that time that he had the look reindeer games time, you know, I didn't things that make you go.

Yeah. I watched render games once. That's good. Yeah. Same money I did once. I'll be good. No, but I think that part of the reason I didn't watch this movie was I was avoiding Ben Affleck at this point in my life, my life, anything Ben Affleck was in. It was probably not very good. And that was like before paycheck.

Was that, that one? That's another has a good short story. Philip K Dick short story. Fucking ruined. Oh no shit. Paycheck was Philip K Dick. Oh yeah. That movie was fucking trash. Yeah. It's in the same, a short story collection as a total recall. Damn. Yeah. And minority report as well. Last time I was reading through those.

I got interrupted. I put it down. It didn't pick up. They're really short. And then they make really long movies out of them. Like minority report is like a few pages long. And the movie like should have ended 10 times. I liked minority report, but like, I, you could just chop the end of the movie off. And I think it would be a better movie.

I think that way about a lot of things. I also think that, uh, if, uh, at the end of Forrest Gump, he beat Jenny to death with like a ping pong paddle. It, would it be a better place? People get really mad at me about that. Let me Jenae Jen, you settled me with a child and he's going to see dose going to take care of me.

Oh, he's real smart. Oh, fucking this fucking summaries so long.

So they Slingshot around the moon. I don't think it has been attempted at this point in history. I think the international space station isn't even in the air yet, which is why they have to go to the Russian space station, who refills the gas at the Russian space station. They send up supply ships. Okay.

I don't know. It makes sense. Right. Um, I realize this is going to be a lot of me asking you questions and just having to accept that there's no answer. Oh, but I can give you an answer. I plan to ask the question. They send supplies, shifts. They're there on man, you know, because they just have to release the payload and they can bring it in the time I land on the asteroid, people of earth have decided that they're probably failed because one of them lands 26 miles off course.

The other one doesn't land. Oh, right. They got hit by some, you know, like stray, asteroid shards. One of them shirts just leaves a couple of takes out a whole ship. What was it? The independence went down. The freedom made it the two ships where the freedom and the independence, independence. Yeah, I'll try and land on the, on the asteroid freedom lands 26 miles off.

That clears up my first question, which was, I remember them being like whichever team gets there first. Well, in hindsight, when they were lifting off, like before liftoff, Bruce Willis is, I hope you wrote your hope. Your wills are up to date or hope you wrote your wills or something like that. And I'm like, It's fucked up because it's more than like a precursor, you know what I mean?

Shadowing? Yeah. About 20 minutes into the movie, I was like, so Bruce will sacrifices themselves. And Kelly was like, really? You don't know that that happened. And I was like, no, I have no frame of reference to this movie. I know that they go to an asteroid. I know that the whole thing for some reason brings up memories of McDonald's commercials.

Was there McDonald's merchandise for this movie? Uh, the, you know, I don't, I think it might've just been some like nineties product placement, you know, You know, their night before they leave a bunch of the guys go to a bar and party. And then also Liv, Tyler and Ben, they go off in a BMW and they show those BMW wheels so many times.

So the people of earth who think that it's not going to work out, the asteroids is going to hit. They all start being shitty. Like people do. We're all going to die. Time to start murdering and killing people like riding in the streets and throwing things. The movie I would like to see would be just all that.

And then everybody having to be like, sorry, no, that's not, I there's the buildup, you know? Um, oh, sorry, neighbor. Didn't mean to murder your wife? Well, there's tons of the cliches in this one, they stop a clock twice full of cliches. They stop, they stop a nuclear bomb from going off once with 2.4, six seconds left.

I think I had written that down red wire, blue rot wires in there. What bothered me? I made a note, the control center, you know, mission control. They rounded up to three and it really bothers me from like a continuity point of view that it shows 2.4. But there at NASA, the smartest people on earth, they're like three seconds left.

It feels like after they're trained that it takes them six hours to get to the moon. No, no, that was, that was my biggest issue with this movie, because like I saying, I have the nostalgia factor. So I take into account like, remember yourself at 13 and the hype and just the way you thought about the world.

And this was like Bruce Willis in a fucking asteroids coming. But the timeline issues, hearing his daughter when first approached by the government, they go from the south China sea to Houston, and then they're like, Hey, I need my crew, boom, all that. But then he's like, oh, good luck. Finding them once they get off the rig, they scatter.

And I'm like, okay. So they get off a rig. And the south China sea, I was like, how the fuck did they all get so far apart so quickly for us? Ben Affleck is working some job in the middle of fucking, he has his own oil field, buys his own plot of land with pumps on it within a day shooting thing that was happening.

Like, dude, it's been a day and a half and this motherfucker already bought. Eddie Griffin was in the beginning of this and the guy in New York with the dog. Never saw him again. No, never saw him again. I don't know if it was cut or well, who was the guy in the taxi cab was also a comedian from that time too.

I just forgot his name. Oh God. Yeah. Um, geez, if you look at another point in the movie, there's another comedian, there were a couple of comedians scattered with those smaller roles. You know, we talked about drop dead. I remember the creeper judge. He was like, why would I be filming young girls? Listen, he was one of the guys in mission control.

Oh, uh, notable people that were also in this movie that I didn't mention in the long-winded summary that is really simplified. There were 10 of them for me that were like big name people. I always get mad at the copywriters for Amazon and Netflix. And this one, the plot, the description of the movie is a comment is headed straight for earth.

If you need me to work for you and write your fucking movie descriptions, it was one sentence. Please email me at the last video store clerks at g-mail dot com. I will write your fucking video description better than a large asteroid is heading directly toward earth. That was all that the description said.

If you had to write a summary. Of the movie like I did, it's not going to fit in that fucking space. I'm a copywriter and I couldn't have fit this much shit and do a little better than that. You can do it in two sentences then for sure, I have faith in you. For sure. I remember them pumping about this movie was the love story though.

The Steven Tyler in the background singing. I also remember even at what was, I like 12, 13 years old at the time that I was so weirded out, Steven Tyler was singing a song like this over his dog. Making out with Ben Affleck and also Bruce Wilson, his reaction to them being in bed together was really strange when he walks up on them and they're in like the shuttle.

And when they introduced the relationship at the beginning of the, well, and just to double back of hair. Yeah. But do you remember the other Aerosmith video? She was. Yes, I'm going to bring that crazy crying and crazy. Yeah. It's fucked up, man. Alicia, Silverstone's in those two. Yeah. She's in a two and that's cool, but like his daughter's in there and she's pretty, uh, scantily clad for, and especially for the nineties, when that shit wasn't like, I mean, I feel like it would be more acceptable now than it was then, but it's still got a weird kind of factor.

The nineties was a little more off the chain than the eighties. The eighties is a very repressed time and in movies and you got to like it, everything. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen Robert Palmer music videos,

you know, I think you fucking talked about max max had drawn a while back next headroom. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. It's yeah. The eighties was something different. The nineties was something different. It was just weird. I mean, it's cool to be proud of your kids. That was really weird. It was just a real.

Misrepresent, I don't know, put a sour taste in my mouth about Liv Tyler's career in general. Like generally when she popped up in something, I was like, I feel weird about you. I mean, the first one was empire records, empire records, for sure. Yeah, by the time she was in leftovers, she was fantastic. And leftover day, not, not bringing her a game in this one, that fucking animal crackers scene is the belly was the most upsetting thing I've watched belly hears.

I was so upset watching Ben Affleck try to be a human, and then he stuffs it in her diaper. Those are some weird panties, man. You saw it too. I saw it. Fuck was that there were like puffy, because I feel like even then chicks were still into the French cut thing, you know, like he was higher up on the waist, if anything, you know, and that's fine.

Or they were thong in it already. These were like the, she was wearing like a long dress. And at first I was like dress up or something like that was a summer dress. He said that you wouldn't wear a white slip under that dress. It's like a summer dress where if anything, they're going commando under there.

I wouldn't have pointed it out, but he tucks one of those cookies into the hem of her underwear for some reason. And he doesn't go down to get it either. Which also bothers me a little bit. You want to learn to be a person, Ben Affleck, get that fucking cookie bag. Well, and I mean, that's totally a middle school thing that I feel like early, mid 20 somethings wouldn't be flirting like that in a field before he goes on a mission to save the world.

They wanted you to know that that was a BMW. That was one of those things. The lights in the tree in that scene were rolling. Then they reflected down on the car. I'd never noticed that until the last night. Yeah. Sometimes when I watch things from his era too, with like a soundbar and a nice TV, like weird sound anomalies happen, it's happening with the X-Files anytime they were in a big room or like in an autopsy background noise, I can hear like so much rebirth happening.

And I was like, Jesus Christ. Really fuck this up, but I never would have noticed that on a regular TV, TV speakers. See, my surround sound is where I play video games. Not where I watch movies, archaic TV. I should damn the animal cracker thing was disappointing. You know, they had the classic, the bar room.

Every time there was any sort of romance between them in this movie. I shuttered it was horrible. Well, like you're saying, Bruce Willis goes to look for him. He finds them in the scrapyard, like about to bang down. It looked like, and he kind of watches a little bit longer than is appropriate for a father.

Yeah. I mean, if anything you scream like, Hey, get your fucking hands off first or you walk away immediately. You don't S I, yeah, I get what he was trying to chase this kid with a shotgun though. Yeah. At the very end of the movie. Yeah. Oil tanker oil rig. They're on an oil rig. Yeah. There's some high pressure lines there.

Mark Walberg would be pissed at you. Right? Deep water horizon. I've seen it twice. You've seen it twice. Yeah. A long story, man. I had HBO there for a minute. Really upset me people other than Peter Stormare who's always great. The Russia, David, Keith David. So David Keith, he had a fucking line in this movie that wouldn't fucking fly today.

I'm pretty sure Tropic thunder it's oh yeah. Do you have that one? Can I say it? I'm going to say it. Just say Keith David, he's a fucking wet general. He's a general air force child star general. And they're talking about, you know, like, Hey, these guys barely passed the physical and he's like, the fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards.

I wouldn't trust with a potato gun. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, I had to rewind it and listen to it again. And I was like, like, this was 98. It's like fucking Keith David as a general. I'm so glad he had that. The other general that comes to get Bruce Willis and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a man.

The one who went on the rig to fetch him. Yeah. He's only in that one. Also two shuttles cannot launch at the same time. Not that close together. I feel like that's yeah, they came from the same catwalk at the top of the tower. That's just too close already. Just launching one. Did you watch any of those like space X launches and stuff like that?

If the wind is wrong or something like that, they don't launch at all. I've been to many fucking spatial's falls. Kayapo. Fucking blew the fuck up then. Uh, what was the one when like end of high school that blew up and there were space parts all over the Texas early one. Yeah. So this was Columbia, Columbia, cause that one blew up and uh, oh three, like just after high school, I was in San Marcus when it happened.

I was just like, wait, what? Like that happened. It was like west, Texas was just getting littered with and people were keeping it, people were keeping the debris and they were like, stop doing that. It has radiation. Yeah. Do you guys not fucking watch scifi movies? That's where the spore comes from. That fucks us.

I always believe that if you're a Dick in a scifi movie, you're going to die. And it only followed that to a point which sort of upset me. Some of the people who were dicks ended up living, living, or even being heroes, which is fucked up to me. If you're talking about a Steve Buscemi now I feel kind of bad for Steve Buscemi.

Shammy took this role because it was different. And then they started turning it into a crazy Steve Buscemi role, like after he was in the movie. Did Michael bay do the island, maybe with Scarlett Johannson and, uh, Is that you and McGregor McGregor. Yeah, because that was Steve Buscemi too. And I feel like that may have been Michael.

It might've been this, that movie was better than this one. Not great.

The training montage went on longer than the setup of the movie. I did the psychological testing. Oh my God. I don't know this room though. Man. We'll pat on the room, all the entirety of NASA was like full of that like spiky floor thing. And then when we were watching it, uh, we were both like, did they do that to prep them?

Because the Astro was going to be spiky too. You know, my whole thought was it was for effect. Well, they really shot this at night. 'cause top gun was a good recruiting thing for the air force. They that's how they convinced NASA to let them shoot that it would be good for recruit any that it would be good, but now NASA shows it to management to get them to find the mistakes they made.

No way, like all of the fuck ups that these astronauts make. I seen Apollo 13 with Tom Hanks. I'm a fucking pro. Oh yeah. You know, and that's back when ed Harris was at mission control, so yeah. And then when they get up there, I think it's important to point out that then plan B goes into effect, which is just like the evil government trope.

They're like, we're just going to blow the bomb up. Even though we get on the surface, we're going forward and try something they're up there. And I already forgot his damn name. Ben Affleck? No, the actual astronaut. And that is with them, not a Watts. Gunther. William Fitchner. Oh yeah. So William Fitchner and there's also no light delay.

Yes. But he opens a compartment that is very large, that is holding a loose, loaded gun at the very end of a lope with instructions in a spacecraft. That's right. That's not the lift side held down. It's not pressed into foam. It's just in a fucking like, it's like, there's like,

very good point, man. I, that really fucked with me a lot because you couldn't just fucking tie it down or something, make him detach it. Even the police have a strap that keeps their gun in their pants. Cool. Like space holder inside the like holster inside the safe I put foam in there, like a gun case or something.

This just a loose fucking nine millimeter. Also the rovers that they armadillos the armadillos. Excuse me. They're armadillos. Fucking machine guns attached to them for some reason. Why was there a mini gun underneath the nose of the fucking Armadale? Because cause Ben Affleck shoots his way out of the garage crash.

The independence had crashed, but there's a couple of them. Owen Wilson, he's gone. Um, the other, the other random guy, not the guy you were talking about, but there was another random, did you notice he was an astronaut? He was a red shirt. He was the other one that died, but yeah, so they're dead. It's been the Russian and Michael Clark Duncan.

Those are the three. And th that many gun, where did it come from? I almost rewound it to see if it was there when they were training on earth. Definitely let Steve Buscemi fire at a whole bunch later from, and that one's different. That one's like a turret mounted. Why are they there? Were they expecting aliens on the fucking?

So my best explanation is while it was NASA, the military is definitely tied in with NASA. So you have to have plan B likes the loose gun in the safe, because if there's one thing you know about, Mirka, there's going to be guns just in case, just no real good way to store them. You know? I mean, you fuck even what is it?

Alien vs. Predator, you know, they're going to explore. And then those dudes drop a suitcases that turn into assault rifles. Everything on a spaceship is tied down. Come on now. They, you know, I didn't even notice that man, that loose pistol was perfectly placed on top of that folder. It's all the fucking envelope is tied down the lower gun safe, but the gun is just in there.

Let's see. Now I was looking at the colors of the asteroid, you know, I was looking at like the cockpit setup and the spaceship. Yeah. But you had the story in there. I was just upset by things and being like, why is this happening? No, to me, the worst special effects where the blue screen from the cockpit, you looking out towards the end of the movie, there's a scene where the spaceships getting all fucked up and you see everything rocking around when they, he gets a gun and then they do red wire blue wire to, to shut it off.

William Fitchner has been a Dick and should die according to Saifai law. But he doesn't, he's like, let's stop this bomb. And suddenly he's like, as well as gives him the pep talk, like don't you want your family to have a chance and they got an extra. And what distracted him was. Oh, Billy Bob got a NASA guy to disrupt the signal for the automatic.

Another thing I had a problem with was after this whole plan B thing goes back suddenly David Keith is a good guy. Again, another weird inconsistency because him and Billy Bob were working together again, just because they may fall apart. Sorry, sorry. I reloaded my neighbor's house. Yeah. And I mean, in version of that happens with everyone.

It's that whole thing that doesn't really happen in real life with a soldier disregarding a director. So really other than Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis, no one actually contribute. Anything to this mission at all. Ben Affleck drives the thing. He drills the hole. Well, even Michael bay can't make drilling a fucking hole exciting, and they built that moment up.

And then it just sh shots of him shaking in a cockpit while he like drills a hole and makes vinegar stroke. If you really want to get into that part, the drill is up and down. It's a vertical drill. Oh, unless it's some space explanation that I don't know of. Why the fuck was that drill at the angle that it was at the whole time?

I still don't understand 800 feet or like, I was like, Drive down the hole or what's going to happen. Well, so that's the thing is when you're drilling, you add sections 800 feet, you figure those are 10 to 20 foot sections that they had. Do you know how many of those poles they would have needed? Not a few minutes.

That's the whole thing. I've never missed a death trap. I've set for myself. Every ridiculous. I feel like Bruce Willis should've gotten mad, but the only thing I read in like trivia stuff was that Ben Affleck was like, why wouldn't you just teach the astronauts to how to drill? Which good for you? Ben Affleck.

Ben's epic moment. They're like trying to say, like they found a gas pocket, but his persistence to keep drilling was somehow going to cancel out the negative effect that blew the first guy off the rock to begin with just as believable as anything else, but in reality, because in real life, when they drill on land and then there are gas pockets, but I think once you hit it, like you're kind of fucked.

Like there's these pressure release valves and things you can hit when they hit like methane. Yeah. I don't think you can. Through it. I don't know how accurate that is. Mm. Um, probably not two people. Max, write a screenplay. Maybe you have six fucking people's fingers in something it's going to turn into Spiderman three.

Well, you know, and like I defended Congo to a degree because I'm like, well, put yourself back in that time, we, our expectations were different. Things were different because I saw this trailer and was like, Nope. When I was like 12, 13 years old, then even back then some standards hold the money that this movie made.

Must've been through the fucking roof back then. You weren't trying to pick at it. I don't, I don't want to like hate on a fucking Michael bay movie to the full extent that you can't. Cause I love point break. My fucking love points. That shit.

Oh man. Oh, another thing I would like to, uh, point out. So will Patton goes and visits his wife and he's like, my boy is going to be proud of me. And like that doesn't tell her that he's like going to go up into space and stuff like that. I give them this. You don't have to tell them who it came from. Who is April O'Neil from ninja turtles.

That is April O'Neil from the first one. Yeah. Wasn't she in a bunch of nineties. Shit though. She was like, the mom popped up in a lot of things. She's a fucking mom and Halloween town. I don't even know. Sorry. Okay. Olympia is younger than me. So she there's this whole Halloween town thing. I have no frame of reference to that.

Oh, it's like a kid show. It's like a kid's movie. I think it might've been Disney that her earnest scared, stupid there ended up being more than one. Okay. So Halloween town was like this whole thing fucking way to go April. And you'll find your first April find your niche. You're the fucking mom not page.

April. I'm just going to call her April. Now everybody else by their proper names. That's the second one, 100 page. Replacement April, who was the mom and the 100 Clark's mom. Oh, Steve Buscemi spaced dementia. Oh, is there such a thing as like early onset dementia in this space dimension that I looked it up the first instance of space dementia ever on.

Red and Stimpy shut up. You're not it's the first time it comes up. It also comes up in Firefly, which is weird, but the train job episode. So that's weird. It wasn't that like the first one, it was the first one that aired, but it is not the first episode. Oh, I think it's like the second or third episode.

Fuck. Well, Fox was trained to kill Firefly. So they aired the episodes out of order to confuse everyone, watching and then looked at it and was like, look, no one likes no shit, no shit. You fucking corporate fucks. Yeah. Good movie washed didn't need to die, but great movie. I like when the fans come back and cause I love Firefly serenity before I got to see Firefly.

Oh really? Yep. Threw me off like a motherfucker. I watched it. I was talking to my dude at the video store. Oh man. My guy. Yeah. He's the one who told me about earth above and beyond. Is that the name of it earth. I watched Firefly when it aired on TV, because it looked like the best thing that was really excited about it.

I actually, I think I left your house once in ninth grade to go home and watch Firefly. It was really when we first met and you were like, I was like, I want to watch that show. I really like it. I want to find out what's in the box and stuff like that. I had no idea. And then it got canceled like three, four episodes in.

Yeah, man. No, it was just a couple of years later. I was like, serenity was on HBO Cinemax and I watched it. And then I was talking to Sam space above him. That's it. I always want to say earth above and beyond, but no, he's the one, Sam is the one who got me into Battlestar, like before you were pushing it.

Oh, wow. Yeah, no, but he's also the one who tried to push the Babylon five on me. And I was like, yeah. That's I think I held off telling you about that. Cause I wasn't sure you were ready for like , but you didn't cause that it should be mentioned that that was at a time where like, I was still sort of hiding the deep nerdiness from people because it wasn't as accepted.

We live in a great world where you can like read comic books and stuff. But like the magic, the gathering kid that I was in middle school was something I straight up hid from people in high school because yeah, the magic had got a bad rap. Yeah, but even in high school alone, sometimes I'd be like, oh no, I got something to do.

And I would walk to Austin books and buy comic books. I have a file there at the time in high school, but I never told anyone about it. I didn't know about it. It was a weird, weird time to be a nerd. You know, that kind of nerd, hard to explain to people. And then, uh, our, our friend, Nick, at some point he, uh, was playing, he was painting war hammer figures.

When I went over to his house, I was like, oh fuck, you're a nerd. And he was like, ah, it got real defensive about it. And I was like, no, man, I fucking like that's cool. I mean, you never knew I had that blink 180 2 CD. I had that shit. That was my dirty little secret. Was that blink 180 2. I don't have much more about this movie fucking army, you know?

Yeah. They fucking make it up there. Okay. They plant the fucking nuke. The fucking detonator gets fucked up. It is what it is. Yeah. Bruce Willis has to, you know, oh, AAJ, Ben pulls the short straw. Bruce is like, Nope, I'm breaking a promise, but you're going to go home and take care of my daughter. And we knew that was going to happen this, and he's like, you were like, you were always like a son to me, AAJ newsletter, tell guys.

And then they exchanged the, I love you. Ben is ugly crying. Bruce's like doing a solid job. You know, it was like as good a delivery as you could give for that, even when he's not doing a good job, a lot of the acting in this that I thought was bad. I thought it was a bad editing job. Not necessarily bad acting, uh, except for Ben Affleck.

It was terrible. And fucking, I know that we lived, Tyler was also not good. I feel like another one of our reoccurring themes is fucking. And it's been coming up a lot, cause he's an outer range and he's fucking amazing that guy has gotten around and he's done some good shit. Yeah. He narrates tons of Stephen King, audio books and fucking winter.

Oh, that's awesome. Man. The Mossman prophecies with Richard Gere random movie, but he was like the fucking guy that it takes. As I recall, he had a decent fucking West Virginia accent, which is a hard thing. There's back and forth. Like I'll hear like a good West Virginia accent. And then sometimes I'm like, you know, they should sound a little bit flamboyant.

Well, it's funny because like when somebody says like, you know anything about West Virginia, West Virginia, you know, I can't even, she doesn't really good, but daddy, a coal miner,

Bruce goes with the asteroids, not a lot about the plot that paid to talk about. One of my favorite, the spaceship is trying to launch off the asteroid and Bruce Willis is going to have to manually detonate in, in classic like fucking movie, the engines won't fire. Right. And when they're taking off my favorite line in this movie, I, I went back, turned the subtitles on to make sure that I heard what I thought I heard.

He says it's pucker time. Who said that? One of the guys in the control booth , but when he's like, all right, people it's pucker time clench that asshole. We're about to launch two fucking spaceships at the same time, which is not possible. That's right. There was the potato gun quote, pucker time. They don't know Jack about drilling.

When he's golfing at the beginning, from the oil rig, he's actually driving balls at the fucking Greenpeace.

I was like Michael bay. It felt like sort of a dry script. And then Michael bay, like, like the script was like a bag of like really crummy trail mix. And Michael bay just started pouring fucking M and M's in there. And then by the time you'd eaten all the Eminem's out of the bag, all the walnuts were all bitter.

How about like the guy who's, you know, NASA mentions that they don't have the budget to track these things. And so it's like that do it yourself, dude, with the biggest telescope. And he's like, Hey, the guy who finds it gets to name it. Right. It's like, I'd like to name it. After my wife, she's a vicious life sucking bitch from which there is no escape.

Oh. But I forgot what the whole, the whole point of me saying that April O'Neil pops up in the thing is at the end of the movie when they come back that cause they make it back to earth. His fucking Fairweather wife, who's just there all of a sudden, oh, he did something that he said he would do now. He's a good father.

to door salesman and fucking: 1998

No, those are just guys who want to sell you new windows also, uh, Steve Buscemi wanted to die on that asteroid. They could have just let him do it cause he was acting crazy, but he, the space dementia space dementia. Yeah. That's I don't, I don't recall. That's the equivalent of that. Yeah. There's a lot.

There's so many other things that we can jam into this conversation, but that's what this movie is, is just a bunch of fucking tropes jammed down the throat of a week. Saifai script. Did you happen to do any research on deep impact versus Armageddon? No. I liked deep impact cause everyone fucking dies.

They accomplish the mission to a degree. So not everybody dies. Yeah. It had a little more prestige. You had Morgan Freeman as the president. I just wish today was not such a fucking crazy day, so I could have done more research on this. What happened with deep impact and Armageddon coming out at almost the exact same time with such a similar storyline, deep impact flopped, pretty hard at the box office.

From what I wrote, I like these had to be in production at the same time. Oh yeah. That maybe that could explain a lot of things that they were trying to shove this movie out before deep impact you get out. It's one of those things, like a fucking observant reports, script leaked, and then they shoved that Kevin James movie out Paul Bart, what didn't, you know, you trying to get me to watch Becky?

I did some more research on Kevin, on Kevin, James M more. I read about Becky and people suggest it. What they write about it. I'm going to watch it, man. Yeah. That's what I say. I'll watch one thing you fucking run with that. I can't, I can't, I hate him. I was always concerned about the observant report versus, uh, Paul Blart.

Yeah, there's more drama. If you look into it, there was a script for a mall cop movie. That was Paul Blart. That was like, it disappeared. But then Kevin, James has Paul Blart mall, cop, Seth. Rogan's talked about that, about how their screenplay leaked in the Sony leak. And then this fucking Paul Blart movie got like squeezed out before I read some other guy's name.

Some other guy's name was out there. Like he wrote this fucking script. It had nothing to do with observing report, but then Kevin, James still did this other one that was very similar to this guy. You could, you go around and around without that's the whole, uh, you remember that lady sued the, which for stealing the matrix.

And then the myth was that the, which house he's had to rewrite. That's why it took so long to put out two more matrix. Oh, that lady had sued. Fuck. Tons of people already for it. Stealing her ideas and stuff like that. She would steal the fucking matrix. Well, one of the most interesting things I ever saw, did you ever watch the documentary on the Nicholas cage, Superman movie that never happened?

So do you remember the part about wild, wild west? I don't remember it from that. I remember Kevin Smith talking about it. They just had, it was making the damn spider and that guy was obsessed with making that then wild, wild west comes along. Yeah. I'm not willing to watch that one. No, you know, movie sucks, man.

I've watched parts of it. It's just like, what the fuck? And it's not even like, if it was, is it Tim Burton? It's not Tim Burton. Yeah. It's not like, let's say Tim Burton had gotten. And maybe been able to put his little touch on it, maybe. Yeah. That might've been cool, but everything about that movie is weird.

Oh, it was just weird. Kevin Klein and will Smith and then yeah, just the other fucking random people that are in it. And this is the whole thing. It's like civil war soldiers and just weird shit. What was based on some existing property songs, sold movies back then in a big way and getting that stupid fucking Aerosmith song stuck in your head was how this movie got sold.

People went to see it. And I don't know how you buy that relationship between Liv, Tyler and Ben Affleck. But I mean, it fucking wasn't rented. Matt talked a lot of shit about Ben Affleck during this episode, but I want to watch that movie with a Ana de Armas. It's an erotic thriller, you know how I feel about erotic.

Oh, it's, uh, it's on Hulu or something. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've thought about it. I haven't watched it yet. I know what you're talking. I've seen it in pocket. That's right up my fucking alley. That's up my history of violence alley. I'm going to finish up these new star tracks. The, well, the newer star tracks.

That's what I that's my project right now. I decided to talk to you about those just as a star Trek nerd. Cause I liked. Beyond a lot more than other people did. Did you watch star, have you seen star Trek beyond before? Yes. I've seen all three of them. I just haven't seen them since they were like out that one felt like a star Trek episode to me and I really, I really dug it.

A friend of mine who was a video store clerk with me. He had, he just saw it for the first time. He's an older than I am. Uh, he's in a band. He was like on tour in Europe or something like that. And on a plane, he watched star Trek beyond for the first time he made a lot of jokes that like, I was like, God, you have to be me.

And you like nerdy to fucking get those star Trek deep cuts that he was making jokes about. And, uh, damn, I thought it was a really good star Trek movie. As far as star Trek, movies go, you know, what, what was I tried to start next generation again, a while back kind of hard getting Olympia stuck with it for awhile, man.

If you didn't have going, you can kind of figure out how like comic books do. Event series. So like comic books will start to cross over and stuff like that. Like Batman, no man's land. And so they'll bring all the Catwoman series into it and there'll be offshoots or like a hope, the hope saga in X-Men where we're like all the mutants start to die.

And there's only a few left and cable finds like the last meat and born. All of the X-Men comic book series, the X-Force and all that stuff. They all converge on something. If you do that with star Trek and you, you figure out the story arts, even though I really liked the really shitty in between episodes, like the ones where they like go into the holodeck and play Robin hood.

And like, I really love this. I called the filler filler episode. I like those it's the same as like X-Files I really. Watching it now, I really don't like the episodes that are storyline with you. Don't like the core story that goes in. No, I want the monster of the week stuff. I get what you're, when I was, when I was young, I lived for the core story.

We were waiting for it back then, because it was happening. It was happening. But now yeah, dude, that freak show episode. Yeah. And like the millennium crossovers and stuff like that, but they're really in blue, those things don't hold up.

So I haven't gotten to it yet, but the episode, I always bring it up. Cause it scared the shit out of me when I was almost a little too old to be so freaked out by it. But they go to West Virginia and the guys at the fountain of youth with the red eyes. No, that one is. Yeah. And those monster of the week episodes are really where X-Files excelled.

Yeah. Some of those were, they were creepy even with the new X-Files episodes that they made the monster of the week ones were the good ones, the, all the one with Rhys, Darby and Kumail Nanjiani. It's just one of my favorite episodes of the X-Files ever made. And it was one of the new ones, new ones I see.

And I'm not as familiar with those, so they're not, they don't, they're not as you know, I like that too, because at that point, David do company and Gillian Anderson are both so comfortable being those people. But like, I really felt good, but even then the ongoing story stuff with the, their alien baby and all that shit, I don't care.

I just wanted more episodes a week stuff I liked when they brought the other two agents then Lauren Ambrose and a guy from uploads fucking great David. He does mushrooms in the hospital. Oh fuck. I don't remember that. Oh, you should watch the new ones. Are those still on Hulu? I think they just put them in with seasonal.

Well, one of the things I always do, I always try and time it when the 98 movie or whenever was out whenever that's out on a streaming platform, that's when I try and rewatch the show. So in between the seasons, I can watch the one of two movies that actually made sense in the series. By the way, we don't have a movie for next week.

Oh, do you have this again? Uh, okay. Frank is holding out both hands for me. He has them crumpled up. So I guess this is how we're doing it now. Uh, give me this one. Maybe I'll think of a different way to do it every week. You don't know. Last week was several and a hat. If you put it in your butt, I'm not taking my watch off.

I'm going to be like, you want a gummy bear apartment 1 43. Yeah. So I don't know anything about this movie. What's what's this movie, it's a horror. It's a horror movie. I think it's a found footage or handheld. Okay. You love the found footage movie. I found one that I haven't seen and I believe that this one is like a 5.0 on IMB.

I feel like it's an in the middle. It's in the middle. Okay. Yeah. Cause I, you know, we want to go for that in the middle. Yeah. I like that. I feel like it's an in the middle on IMDBs. I feel like we've gotten into a rhythm to where it's like overblown Hollywood blockbuster. Yeah. Actually like Armageddon was like, you know, we, I don't know if we'll always cover those.

I don't know. It's just that you hadn't seen. We may never go that high again. Yeah. That's just a weird anomaly that I never wanted. Yeah. And I think it's so interesting that you'd never seen that movie who hasn't fucking seen Armageddon me, especially when you're like our age. We were that age. We were Armageddon.

Me and my wife have never seen Titanic either of us. I'll never fucking watch it. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to make you watch. No, I'm not watching fucking Titanic. It's off the fucking table. Thanks everyone for joining us for the last video store clerks podcast. Be sure to leave a rating and subscribe.

You can find us on Twitter at last clerks, Instagram at the last video store clerks, and you can findScott@dispatchesfromthepit.com.

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