Whether it’s a fishing trip, a facial, or just locking the bathroom door for five uninterrupted minutes—this episode is all about the vital (and often funny) truth that healthy relationships need personal space. Nancy and Matthew reflect on their early parenting years, share their current routines for alone time, and talk openly about guilt, boundaries, and self-care. They also dive into the importance of balance, mutual respect, and why doing things apart can actually bring couples closer. It’s relatable, real, and surprisingly rejuvenating.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 People Mentioned:

• Donny (Matthew's friend)
• Tanya (Ultra event)
• Megan & Vinny (couple friends)

🏢 Companies/Organizations Mentioned:

• GrowthDay
• Ultra (Brendon Burchard event)
• Silvermine Arts Center
• Powerhouse Women event

Takeaways:

• In nurturing healthy relationships, it is paramount to acknowledge the necessity of personal space.
• Engaging in activities separately can foster a deeper connection between partners when they reunite.
• The dialogue emphasizes the significance of establishing boundaries to combat feelings of guilt in shared responsibilities.
• Through personal reflections, Nancy and Matthew illustrate the rejuvenating effects of self-care routines amid parenting duties.
• They highlight that self-care, whether through hobbies or personal time, is essential for maintaining balance in a relationship.
• The podcast advocates for mutual respect and understanding, particularly regarding the need for alone time in a partnership.

Hi, I'm Matthew Greger.

And I'm Nancy Greger.

We have this podcast called we should.

Probably Edit this, But we won't.

Our podcast is about us, our relationship, our 37 years of being married, raising.

Three children, and hopefully we can share.

Something that would be inspiring, honest, truthful.

As our tagline says, unfiltered, unscripted, and unapologetically us.

There you go.

We should probably edit this, but we won't.

Hello.

Hi.

So I think you're wondering why Matthew has this board between the two of us, because he thinks that's.

Well, I.

Sometimes you just need.

Sometimes you just need your own space.

You know, and that little board is going to help you.

Well, you know, that's what this episode's about.

Having your own time in your own space.

Even, Even in.

Even though I love you so very much, once in a while, God help me, I got to have my own time.

You got to have your own time.

These are very important things.

Even when you're mom and, and all your kids are whole, you need some time to yourself.

I think that's when you need more time to yourself.

And, and, and as a, as a father, if you're, if you're the one working and coming home, although you may be exhausted, this other person's probably 10 times more exhausted than you are if she's been taking care of the house and the kids all day.

So it's important to figure out how you're going to give your spouse their own time.

I think it's important.

I think for us in the early stages, we were first married and we had the kids.

I worked.

There was a time period where I didn't work.

I was a stay at home mom.

I had, I had the luxury because Mr. Greger here was able to support us to stay at home.

But when the kids got a little older, I think actually when the youngest was a baby, I went back to work at a bank and I was.

You were driving a school bus first with both of them?

No, no.

First time I, I went back was when I was working for the bank and I was working evenings and the baby was a baby.

But I also, I also drove a school bus in which I had to take the, the, the middle one and the younger one on the school bus.

Well, that really wasn't your own time.

That was.

Let's, let's talk about our.

But when I, when I was working, I would.

We hired a, like a mother's helper.

I don't even know if that's when you Were working.

When I went back to work at the bank, we hired our babysitter who was a teenager.

Okay, that's a babysitter, not a mother's helper, just to let you know that.

Yeah, I think it's about the same.

And we hired her because there was a transitional period before I would have to leave and you would come home.

And so yes, there was that time between after school with the other kids.

And she came in like around five and you would be home around seven.

Well, yeah, there was that gap because that's when I was commuting and I didn't.

Yeah.

And I couldn't get home earlier.

You couldn't get home any earlier.

So we.

I did that and that was great because I was able to leave the house, go to work.

I worked nights, but it wasn't that bad.

I mean, I was usually home by 10 o', clock, so it wasn't okay.

Well, would you consider that having your own time in your space?

I did because like I was.

Oh, you were.

You were with adults now?

I was an adult, actually, I wasn't.

There was nobody at the.

When I worked, I worked the night shift and nobody was there.

I was there with the cleaning crew.

Nobody was there during that time.

So I got to be in the office all by myself.

And that was great.

And I would work, put in my maybe four hours.

I. I would do.

And then I'd come home.

Sometimes people were asleep, sometimes they were still up.

But that's when you took over.

So I think that was important.

I didn't make a lot of money, but it wasn't about the money.

It was more or less about.

I needed time away.

Yeah.

And part of it was about the.

Money, though, little part, because it wasn't making that much.

But it was grocery food, it was grocery money.

It might have been vacation money type of deal, but it contributed, don't get me wrong.

But in the same token, I don't think it was.

It was just something I did for myself.

I don't think I did it for anyone.

Well, that was during kid days.

Yes, with it.

But how about now?

What's important?

Well, let me go first, since you've been talking.

So for me, what's important is having my own time.

I have two main things that I enjoy doing on my own.

Although I wouldn't mind you participating with me, but you don't want to.

So the first one is going fishing, you know, that's.

That's one.

And when I had a boat, you know, that was.

That was My alone time to get out there on the water.

There's a sense of peace and tranquility.

I love that fishing time.

Yeah.

You loved it for other reasons.

Could you.

Because you could watch your shows that you wanted to without me, your biographies and different things.

So.

But for me, it's getting out on the.

On the ocean in that sense of calmness for it, you know, you can be crazy.

Hustle and bustle, i95s backed up, people honking.

In a few minutes, I'm out in the middle of the sound, and I can see the city, but it's quiet.

And I'd be out there fishing.

Yes, that would be my main objective, to try to hook a fish.

So that was.

That was one of them.

The second is.

Is being able to play tennis.

Going out there, that renews me.

Gets out there.

I get a good workout in without thinking that I'm working out.

But when I'm done and I look at my watch, it's like, yeah, I could have done a cardio class for an hour and gotten the same workout.

But this.

But it goes by so fast.

So that's what I enjoy doing right now at this time.

Those are good things.

How about you?

I mean, for me, probably at least once a month, I go and I get a facial done.

That's always relaxing for me because I'm just laying there letting somebody else fix my face.

That's very relaxing for me.

And I.

And I do that.

I mean, I get my nails done, you know, every couple weeks.

I do maintenance stuff to take care of myself.

Like I said, I do my nails.

I do my nails, you know.

Get your haircut.

Haircut is every six weeks, I get my hair done, cut and color.

Some of us, you know, we have some.

Some have it, some don't.

Some of us don't.

And that's okay, you know, but, yeah, I mean, I like to do those types of.

Those things for myself because that wasn't something I could do.

And when the kids were all around, at least, I don't think.

No, I. I don't think I.

Well, you always had your hair done.

Hair done is a different style.

Right?

But now getting your eyelashes done, I get my eyelashes.

I. I pay attention to myself a little bit more than I did when the kids were allowed.

And I'm not participating in those things.

With you, so just let you know.

You did have a facial one.

Yes, but it wasn't together.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

But you got to do your own.

You had your own facial.

I had My own time?

Yeah.

You went there and had them.

Yeah.

I'm not sure.

I'm not so sure I want to do it again, but it was okay for a first time.

It's not like you're getting a pedicure.

No.

Well, manicure be okay?

The pedicure?

No, I don't want anybody touching my toes, I can tell you that for sure.

But I think it's always.

It's always that important thing.

I usually.

I plan my time as early in the morning as I can so that if we wanted to do something later on together, we could.

Yes.

Fishing for you, that was a totally different story.

Either you got up at the crack of dawn, which, by the way, you would have been on your own no.

Matter what, or I want to see that.

I want to see the sun come up and it's also the calmest time.

Or you would be out there, you'd go late.

I would.

I would try to be home by noon when I would go out early in the morning.

Yeah.

And if you went out late, like around 1 or 2 o'?

Clock.

Yeah, it was.

It was until it dark.

In which case dinner would have been left for you because I would have had dinner already.

Yeah, I understand that.

Yeah.

I wasn't gonna wait, but now there's no boat.

You never know.

You haven't?

No.

It.

It will be another one in my future.

But not right now.

But so, so how about now?

What Other things.

Even when we're in the house together and stuff.

When do you need your time alone?

When do you need to do things by yourself without the influence or interference of me?

I can do that anytime I want.

I mean, first of all, we're.

We're in two separate rooms when we're working.

Yeah, well, when we're working.

Yes.

We have our own space.

And even if I'm.

We weren't working, I could be upstairs in my office.

You could be here in your office.

Yeah, but I'm talking about there's a specific task that you don't want me to be involved with at all, and that's cooking.

You know, you don't want me in your way or doing that thing unless I'm doing the barbecue and I have a specific task for it.

You prefer to do something on your own?

I'm more efficient at cooking.

Not necessarily.

Would say to you, yeah, cooking is, you know, the life's ambition.

It's not.

It's.

Is cooking.

Some things I do on my own most of the time, yes.

Whether it's cooking for us or whether it's getting ready for people to come over.

I'll cook.

That's.

And then when I'm in that zone, I'm just in my zone.

Like, it's really not in your best interest to interfere.

And that's.

I mean, you'll be.

Anybody else, you'll give me some tasks.

I might give you a couple of tasks every once in a while, but overall, it's probably one thing I could do on my own.

Yeah, I wouldn't say that that's alone time.

I would just say that I'm more.

Efficient and I get in your way.

Yeah, I chop faster.

Okay.

Yeah.

You're very meticulous.

I'm like, let's go.

So I want to be precise when it doesn't really matter.

That's the problem.

It doesn't always.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I just can't do things quickly.

There's moments.

There's moments.

But overall, I don't know.

I mean, it's just second nature to me as what I've been doing all along.

You've been gone when the kids were little.

You're not at home, so why would you be home cooking dinner?

You wouldn't.

You weren't so.

Right.

I did it on my own.

That's just how it is.

And so I carried on the tradition, if you will, even after the children are no longer here.

It's the same.

It's the same idea.

Okay, well, do you ever feel or have you ever filtered.

Do you feel guilt, any guilt now for doing.

Wanting to do something for yourself?

No.

Okay.

Not a little teeny tiny bit.

Okay.

All right.

Be that way.

I mean, so what do you think about that, though?

Should.

Should you feel guilty because you're wanting to do something for yourself?

No.

Okay.

I think some people do.

I think if you do this, there might be some under.

Underlying issue there that you feel guilty about it.

I mean, but I don't know why you would.

I mean, listen, when I go get my facelift, I'm going to spend $45,000 to do it.

Yeah.

I'm going to tell you that's so what, you.

You have to announce that to everybody?

I mean, I thought that was still something you were thinking about.

No, it's going to happen.

It's just a matter of how quickly I can summon that little secret stash in order to do.

In order to do it.

But no, I will.

I will do it.

Kris Jenner looks fabulous at 70.

She had a.

And she said two.

That was her second one.

So I think I can Owe myself one.

I'm.

I don't want to see anything moved or, or moved around or anything like that.

Is this.

I, I like you the way you are.

I just, I'm going on record for that.

But that's wonderful.

But this isn't about you.

This is about what I feel.

Okay.

And what I, what I would want done.

And I think that's important.

We can save that one for another topic.

What to do to yourself during your alone.

No.

You're asking.

Okay.

Do I feel guilty?

No, I don't feel guilty.

I think I've put in the reps and I put in the work that I needed to do and the sacrifices that I needed to have made, I made them.

When my kids were around and my kids were little, if there was a difference between getting them something and doing something for myself that was a balance, would I have felt guilty if I didn't provide something for them because I wanted to go, say, get my nails done?

Probably.

But no, I don't.

I work, I make money, I contribute, I do what I need to do.

So no, at this stage in my life, I have been given the abilities to pamper myself.

So I do.

Okay.

Well, that's good.

I mean, my pampering isn't as involved on myself.

It's just things I want to do.

So want to do.

But I, I like to go outside and, and work in the yard garden from time to time.

And I also like art and creating things.

Like I enjoyed going to the Silver Mine, you know, art center and working with metal or working with wood, something, doing something with my hands where I can actually, actually create something.

To me, I'm in that zone.

It's, I think, I think what's important is to disconnect from your normal routines at times because you can get so wound up in what you do on a day to day basis.

Whether it's working, taking care of the house, coming home, dealing with family, all that kind of stuff that you sometimes need that time especially to let your creativity come back.

And for me it was creating something with my hands, working with metal, working with wood.

Doing those things.

Yeah.

It's just too bad that Silver Mine doesn't do things or doesn't have events or offer classes for people who have full time jobs, you know, because most of their stuff was like during the day, on a Monday, do have stuff.

On, on the, on the evening and the weekends, but, but not, but not all of them.

Yes, it seems to be more geared towards the retirement community, which I'm not there yet, not, not for a while.

Yeah.

So, so, but if there was an opportunity to present itself, I think you do take advantage as best as you can when.

Yeah.

And I think it's really important though, that when you do do those things, whether it's fishing or, or golfing or playing tennis, you know, from a, from a man's point of view that you, that you go and you also enjoy it, that you, that we all need that time to do that.

I mean, there's, there's a situation when you're ignoring other responsibilities to do those things all the time, but then there's that time that you need to take for yourself.

There's that balance that, that I think needs to still happen.

Right.

You know, you can't be the dad that's never around, that is always playing golf or, or fishing, you know, and not taking the kids out or, or hanging or he's hanging out with his buddies when he should be also doing other things.

But, but, but then you still need to be able to do those things to, to get out of the monotony of, of day to day work.

Right?

Yeah, it's, it's finding that balance and those boundaries that you have to set up in place that allows you to not feel guilty about taking advantage of doing things that you want to do and then the same token, you know, balancing and, and putting up the work that you need to do with your family.

And I think we did.

I don't, I don't think we, we were that kind of, we're that type of person back.

No, but if we're talking to somebody else, that's, that's not, or they feel they're burned out or they're burning out, you know, especially being a mom and not taking the break, you know, you can, you've got to just make sure that you do take time for yourself, you know, and hopefully your spouse will allow you to do that without making you feel guilty because of them.

Yeah.

You know, and, and I think that's something that, that you have to be very careful of when it comes to like the, the husband towards the wife or the, even the wife towards the husband.

You've got to let them.

There has to be an equal balance and there has to be, like I said, there has to be a set boundary that's put in place because it's important.

And if anybody makes you feel guilty, that's, that's a different conversation that you need to have.

Right.

If anybody makes that a point of saying, well, gee, you've, you've know, you do this, this and this and makes you feel a certain way, then I think that's a conversation.

That's a different kind of conversation I think you have to have.

Right.

I think there's a balance because I don't necessarily feel that I would need you to make me feel guilty about doing something because in my mind, I already, if I was going to do it, I knew what some consequences could be from it.

And so I had to make that decision as to, well, do you, do you move forward with it or you don't move forward with it?

I mean, I think once in a while, even a trip on your own is okay, you know, or you, or maybe you're taking your kids somewhere on, you know, by, by yourself.

But I mean, there's been different times that I've been gone, that I've gone to events.

You have too, you know, and you have that time or that separation together.

And, and I think the best part with that is actually coming back.

Yeah.

You know, coming back home and coming.

Back to you because then you feel, you feel you can, you've been rejuvenated somehow.

Right.

And I always used to say that to you when you took your trips to China and you would come back from, you know, being away for two, maybe three weeks, and I would say, are you rested up?

Yeah.

Because you're ready to pass all the other responsibilities.

Did you have fun going out to dinner?

News, you know, was working.

I was like, oh, yes, I know the struggle of having to get up by yourself, take care of yourself, go out to dinner three times, you know, throughout the day.

That was very stressful.

But some of, some of the, some of the stuff was very stressful.

And, and sometimes when you're traveling, you know, you do get exhausted and you just want to come home.

Uhhuh.

Uhhuh.

Well, that was a long time ago, but sometimes events that you go to aren't relaxing, you know, if, especially if it's a work related event or something, you may be in seminars all day and you're a beat, you know, so.

Sorry, that just doesn't flow.

But okay, okay, that's, that's fine.

That's okay.

But yeah, I think having separate times and doing things helps you connect when you do things together.

Sometimes if you go apart, you do your own thing and then you have.

That come back together.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Doing things together, like you may like to go and do the silver mine and, and the crafting and that type of deal, but we've done things together too.

We've done the pottery classes together.

We've done those things.

Which ended up being quite like ghost, but it was.

Wasn't like ghost.

No.

And then what did.

We did the.

The.

We did the painting.

Well, that was a disaster.

But the one where we did the.

Glass, that was glass blowing.

Yes.

Glass.

Yeah.

That was not a silver mine, but.

Yeah, no, we did that.

That was interesting.

Yeah, that was hot.

Like, really, really, really hot.

But that was fun.

We did those things together.

I wouldn't go in shorts and a T shirt, though, either, because it's, like, too hot.

I might.

Might get sunburned.

So it's good that you could do things apart and then share a few things that you could do together.

I will say to you that he is an extremely artistic and very good at painting and drawing and sculpting.

That's not me.

However, it's always good to.

It's good to do things together.

And you could see what his pot would look like.

And you.

The pottery wasn't as bad as the painting.

The painting was bad.

That was bad.

You tried.

I got to the point where even the instructor was trying to do her very best to kind of get me in, and I just looked her and I said, listen, this is my interpretation.

That's what art.

We just gotta go.

Art is.

Art is subjective.

It's an interpretation of how you're seeing things.

That's how I'm seeing it.

Or.

Or it's.

You may see something, but to actually convert that thought into that, your head doesn't always work.

It can be.

It can definitely be a struggle.

That's for sure.

And I think it was important for, you know, especially when you're raising children, that they see that you took time out for you.

You did things without the whole family, you know, around, though they.

Sometimes they would appreciate when you would come back, like, oh, okay, Mom's back.

Dad, you're off duty.

Mom is back.

Or they may be the other way around.

Oh, Mom's back.

Now we gotta, like, straighten up.

We can't.

We can't horse around anymore.

We have to clean up.

We can't get away with the messes.

Gotta clean up.

Let's go.

Let's get going.

So, yeah, I think that.

I think that's healthy to see.

I don't remember.

Do you remember your parents taking time out to do things themselves?

I don't.

Not really.

No.

I don't.

I don't remember that.

I don't.

I mean, there were different things that they would do when it was more related to jobs than it was to.

To doing something on their own.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think so either.

I don't think my.

My mom or my dad did anything for themselves.

No.

I mean, my, my dad would play tennis sometimes, but I don't remember that that that often.

I mean, he'd go fishing, but usually it would be with us when he.

When he would do that.

You know, most of the time he was gardening or.

Or working and that was usually gardening too, because that's what he did.

Yeah, but it was gardening.

He was outside by himself.

Himself and I.

Your father still does that to this day.

Yeah.

He could get lost for hours out there.

Out there with the plants.

With the plants and doing things so that he could be out there for hours.

Hours.

I don't recall.

Even when you're.

When your mom.

I mean mom.

My mom will do.

My mom will do some stuff outside, but.

But no, my dad might not an outside person.

Person.

I mean, she did a little bit more now I think with.

With the yard a little bit and helping out.

But now my dad was the one who was out there all the time until he couldn't see anymore.

And then he would still go another hour.

He'd go get a light.

Yeah.

Maybe we were the one.

Depending upon what he was doing.

He would be out there.

Yeah.

But I don't recall my parents well, really doing.

I mean, if they did anything, it wasn't necessarily by themselves.

It might have been with other family members.

Like my mom might have gone with her sister to go do something or her mother or father to go do something.

I don't think my, my mom took any specific time for herself other than getting her hair done.

Okay.

And that's.

That just might be a girl thing.

Right.

But yeah, it's definitely not my thing anymore.

No.

But getting your hair done and I think your mom would.

Would attend.

She has.

She.

She.

I think she.

That.

That would have been her.

Not as much now, but she did.

Did back then.

Earlier.

Yeah.

Earlier on.

What's something you want to do without me now?

Besides your.

Your facial stuff and, and things.

Is there anything that you want to do that doesn't involve me?

No.

I can't think of anything that I would do without you.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe as we get older, if we have guy friends and, and girlfriends, if.

We have different friends with different interests, the other one may not be interested in.

Like if I have friends that I'm going to go fishing with, you're probably not going to come with Me, I.

Wouldn'T come with you even if.

You know, you never know.

You could.

It might have.

It might be a big boat and it might be another person you're really interested in and you guys could be up there having.

If you're saying if their wives.

The wives came with the, with the guys fishing, then it might be a different story.

It might be.

Might.

Okay.

Might be a different story.

It still has to be a big enough boat, but it might be a little bit different.

But I think if you, if, if we both had, you know, guy friends and, and girlfriends, that type of deal, and you would go out with the guys and then I could go.

Go out the girls maybe.

But we never did that in the past.

No.

And.

And I think most of the time we're going to find someone that we're gonna do it as a couple.

Yeah.

Together with different people.

I don't think we're gonna.

Whether it's a cooking class or.

But I would say even if we had a couple, if we got to know the other couple really well, would we?

I, I think you're.

The question you're asking me was is there something I would do without you?

And the only thing I could think of that I would do without you is I would entertain.

Doing like a girls trip.

Okay.

Like some of the ladies that we've met in Ultra and all of us getting together and going somewhere and just having a couple of days where it's just the girls and that.

That would be it.

No guys.

I think that would be good.

When we went to Scottsdale, was it last year?

The year before.

Right.

In the year before when we went.

To the Powerhouse Women event.

Correct.

And so the other women, eventually the guys didn't.

Weren't included.

No.

And you stayed back and Nancy and I with, with Tanya, we went to the woman's.

It was an all day thing.

Right.

And we were there all day and you guys hung out by the pool.

We hung up by the pool in 120 degree weather.

So.

So I don't know if you call it hanging out or boiling out.

I don't know what it was, but that was.

Right.

But that was an opportunity where we did things separately.

Right.

I think that would be something that I would, I'd be intrigued about doing now.

Like getting.

I mean, if we ever end up in a different community or something as we get older.

You never know, 55 and older community or something like that.

I mean I would be interested in like getting to know other people and, and I may play some different Games or whether it's chess, you know.

Oh, I like playing chess too.

So I don't think you would be participating with that with me.

But those kind of things in.

In that community setting.

Yeah, I mean, I think to some extent, like you have that now when you.

You go with Donnie to.

For breakfast some mornings and you guys just kind of sit together and.

And talk about what he's doing, what you're doing and kind of like.

Yeah, there's been definitely times that I went and worked out with him.

Right.

And had that time together away from.

I wasn't.

I didn't participate in any of that.

So those.

That, that, that to me is just like you formulating your own.

Some friends that maybe aren't couple related.

Couple related.

Right.

Couple related.

Right.

I mean even when we go with Megan and Vinnie, I hang out with.

Megan and you hang out with Vinnie.

So once in a while we'll swap it.

Not very often.

Not very often when we sit down for dinner or lunch, whichever.

The.

Then we'll all kind of discuss.

But most of the time when we're hiding, you two guys are on ahead and Megan and I are all the way in the back just yapping away y.

And catching up and figuring out, talking about all kinds of things.

But yeah, I think.

I think those are the things I my only up if I see it down.

The future would be an actual trip.

That would be the only.

I still may go with you.

Yeah.

No, I don't have to go to the same event, but I still may go with you.

It depends where you're going.

So that's the thing.

It depends where you're going.

And then I would consider tagging along.

Yeah, okay.

We'll see about that one.

So on that note, we should probably.

Edit this, but we won't.

So until next time, make sure you.

Like us and follow us, share us.

Yeah.

And let us know what else you would like us to.

To discuss.

Yes.

Don't be afraid.

Ask.

Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.