Shownotes
Introduction
- Topic Introduction [00:53]
Main Topics
- When Ordinary Words Are Not Enough [02:29]
- Reading Poetry as a Healing Practice [04:23]
- Writing What the Heart Wants to Say [06:35]
- Poetry as a Spiritual Practice [09:01]
- Letting Poetry Become Part of Your Healing [11:21]
- Closing [15:31]
Additional Resources
Transcripts
00:00
until his passing in January:00:38
My mission is to walk beside you as you navigate grief, honor your healing, and rediscover meaning and purpose in the life that continues. You are not alone. This is the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast.
00:53
Thank you for joining me today! Grief has a language all its own. Sometimes it comes through tears, sometimes through silence, and sometimes through memories that seem to appear out of nowhere. There are moments when we can talk about what we are feeling, and other times when ordinary words just don’t seem big enough to hold everything that is happening inside us.
01:19
That is one of the reasons poetry can be such a meaningful companion in grief. Poetry gives us permission to step outside the usual rules of conversation and say things differently. We do not have to explain everything, make everything logical, or even completely understand what we are feeling before we put it into words.
01:41
You also do not have to consider yourself a poet to use poetry as part of your healing. You do not need to understand rhyme schemes, meter, or literary techniques. You simply need a willingness to listen to what is moving through your heart and allow it to find its way onto the page.
02:03
Today, we are going to explore the role poetry can play in processing grief. We will talk about reading poetry, writing poetry, using poetry as a spiritual practice, and finding words for emotions that are often difficult to express. Most importantly, we are going to take the pressure off and remember that poetry does not have to be beautiful or perfect to be healing.
02:29
One of the challenges of grief is trying to explain an experience that is incredibly personal. People may ask how you are doing, and you might say, "I'm okay," because you don’t know how to put the truth into a sentence. How do you explain that you are functioning and falling apart at the same time, or that you can laugh at something in the morning and cry over a memory that afternoon?
02:55
Grief is filled with contradictions like these. We can feel gratitude and anger, peace and sadness, hope and loneliness, sometimes all within the same day. Poetry allows those contradictions to coexist without asking us to choose which feeling is correct.
03:13
Poetry also allows us to communicate through images and metaphors. Instead of saying, "I feel lonely," we might write about an empty chair at the kitchen table, the quiet side of the bed, or the sound of a key that will never again turn in the front door. Suddenly, we have found a way to describe loneliness without ever using the word.
03:39
That is part of the beauty of poetry. It can reach beneath the surface and give shape to something we have been carrying but have not been able to name yet. Sometimes when we finally see that feeling written on a page, we understand ourselves a little better.
03:58
I think this is especially important in grief because so much happens internally that other people never see. The outside world sees us going to work, buying groceries, answering emails, attending church, or meeting someone for lunch. Poetry can become a private place where we tell the fuller truth about what is happening within us.
04:23
You do not have to write poetry to experience its healing qualities. Sometimes reading someone else's words can comfort us by showing that another person has felt something similar. We may read a line and think, "Yes. That's it. That's what I've been trying to say."
04:42
There is something powerful about being recognized in someone else's words. Grief can feel incredibly isolating, particularly when the people around us have returned to their regular lives while ours still feels unfamiliar. A poem can remind us that sorrow, longing, love, and remembrance are part of a shared human experience.
05:07
You might consider keeping a collection of poems that speak to you during difficult seasons of your grief. They do not all have to be specifically about death or loss. A poem about nature, change, love, resilience, hope, or even the changing seasons may touch something within you that needs attention.
05:29
You could keep these poems in a journal, save them on your phone, or place a favorite beside your bed. You might even choose one poem and read it slowly each morning for a week, noticing whether different words stand out to you each time. The poem may not change, but you are changing, and that can affect what you hear within it.
05:52
Reading poetry aloud can be meaningful, too. When we speak the words rather than silently read them, we experience their rhythm, pauses, and emotions differently. Sometimes, hearing ourselves speak words of grief, love, or hope allows them to reach us more deeply.
06:11
You might also read a meaningful poem as part of a remembrance ritual. Light a candle, hold a photograph, sit quietly for a moment, and read the poem aloud. In that setting, poetry becomes more than something we read. It becomes part of an intentional practice of honoring love and remembering someone who remains an important part of our story.
06:35
Now, this is where some of you may be thinking, "Kay, I am definitely not a poet." That is perfectly okay. You don’t have to be a poet to write a poem any more than you must be a professional singer to sing along with your favorite song.
06:52
When we use poetry for grief, the goal is not publication or perfection. The goal is expression. Nobody needs to read what you write unless you decide you want to share it.
07:04
One of the easiest ways to begin is with free verse. Free verse does not require rhyme or a particular rhythm, so you can simply write what comes to you. You might begin with a sentence such as, "Today I miss..." and see where it takes you.
07:22
You could also begin with "I remember..." and allow yourself to write whatever memory comes to mind. Maybe it is a significant moment, but it could just as easily be something ordinary. You might remember the way your loved one drank coffee, laughed at a television show, folded towels, told the same joke over and over, or called your name from another room.
07:48
Those ordinary memories can carry tremendous meaning because grief is not only about missing the major moments. We miss the routines and little habits that once made up everyday life. Poetry gives those moments a place to live again, even if only for a few lines on a page.
08:08
Another prompt you might try is, "If I could tell you one thing today..." Then write directly to the person you are missing. Do not worry about whether your words sound poetic. Allow yourself to say whatever your heart wants to say.
08:25
You might be surprised by what emerges. There may be love and gratitude, but there may also be anger, regret, disappointment, or questions that never received answers. Poetry gives all those emotions room to exist without judgment.
08:42
You can even write a poem consisting entirely of questions. Where are you now? Do you know how much I miss you? Did you know how much I loved you? What am I supposed to do with all this love now? You don’t have to answer the questions. Sometimes asking them is enough.
09:01
Poetry can also become a beautiful spiritual practice because it invites us into stillness and reflection. When we slow down enough to write what we are feeling, we are paying attention to our inner life. We are creating space to listen rather than immediately trying to change what is there.
09:19
For some people, poetry may even become a form of prayer. You might write to God, Spirit, Source, or whatever name you use for the Divine. You could write about what you are struggling with, what you are grateful for, what you do not understand, or what you are asking to receive.
09:37
Your poem does not have to sound reverent or traditionally spiritual. Sometimes the most authentic prayer is simply telling the truth. "I am angry. I am tired. I miss him. Help me understand how to live this life I did not expect." That is prayer, too.
09:57
You might also allow nature to inspire your writing. Grief often changes the way we notice the world around us. A sunset, a bird outside the window, a flower blooming unexpectedly, or the changing light at the end of the day may stir a memory or create a moment of connection.
10:17
Try sitting outside with a notebook and writing down what you notice. Describe what you see, hear, smell, and feel without trying to turn it into anything special. After a few minutes, ask yourself, "What does this remind me of?" and allow the writing to go wherever it wants to go.
10:39
You can also combine poetry with other spiritual practices such as meditation, sound healing, prayer, or journaling. After a few minutes of quiet breathing or meditation, write five or six lines without editing yourself. Think of it as listening to your heart rather than trying to create something.
11:00
The words may surprise you. Sometimes when we become quiet enough, something we have been carrying beneath the surface finally has an opportunity to speak. Whether we call that intuition, inner wisdom, Spirit, or simply our deeper self, poetry gives it a voice.
11:21
There is no right way to use poetry in grief. You might write every day for a month and then not write again for six months. You may discover that you prefer reading poetry rather than writing it, or you may find yourself suddenly writing poems when you never imagined you would.
11:41
You can also experiment with different forms. Haiku can be wonderful because its simplicity encourages us to capture one small moment or image. You might try an acrostic poem using your loved one's name or write a poem that begins every line with "I remember."
Another meaningful practice is creating a remembrance poem from a collection of memories.
12:06
Write down ten things you remember about your loved one without worrying about how they connect. Then look at the list and notice whether certain words, feelings, or images belong together.
12:18
Maybe you remember Sunday mornings, coffee brewing, a favorite chair, music playing, the sound of laughter, and a familiar phrase your loved one always used. Those details can become the foundation of a poem that preserves not only the memory of a person, but the feeling of sharing a life with them.
12:38
And yes, your poem can even be funny. Grief does not require us to be solemn all the time. If your loved one had a quirky habit, told terrible jokes, sang off-key, burned everything they cooked, or had some other quality that still makes you smile, you are allowed to write about that, too.
13:00
Humor and grief are not opposites. Laughter does not diminish our love or mean that we have stopped missing someone. Sometimes laughter is another way love continues to show up.
13:13
If you do write something meaningful, consider reading it aloud. You might read it privately, share it with family members, bring it to a grief group, or include it in a remembrance ceremony. Hearing your own words spoken can be surprisingly powerful.
13:30
There may also be poems you never share with anyone. Those can be equally valuable because healing does not require an audience. Sometimes the most important conversation is simply the one between you, your heart, and the page.
13:47
Poetry will not take grief away, and that is not its purpose. What it can do is give grief somewhere to go. It can help us move some of what we carry inside ourselves into words, images, memories, and meaning.
14:03
Over time, you may look back at something you wrote months or years earlier and recognize how your grief has changed. The love may still be there, and the longing may still appear, but perhaps something else has joined them. Maybe there is gratitude, wisdom, acceptance, compassion, or a growing awareness that you are becoming someone new while still carrying the love that shaped you.
14:30
That is one of the gifts of creative expression. It gives us a record of our becoming. So sometime this week, I invite you to spend a few quiet minutes with poetry. Find a poem that speaks to you or take out a notebook and write a few lines of your own. There is no need to call yourself a poet and absolutely no requirement that anything rhyme. Simply begin with what is true today.
14:58
Maybe your first line is, "Today, grief feels like..." Or perhaps it is, "I remember..." You might begin with, "If you were here..." or "What I wish I could tell you..." Then listen.
15:14
Let the words come without deciding whether they are good enough. Let them be sad, tender, messy, angry, grateful, funny, spiritual, or unfinished. Your grief does not have to follow rules, and neither does your poetry.
15:31
Before we close today, I want to leave you with this affirmation:
15:36
I give my heart permission to speak. I honor my grief, my memories, and my love through the words that are ready to be expressed. I trust that what rises from within me is worthy of being heard.
15:54
The mission of Healing Our Grieving Hearts is to support women who are navigating life after the loss of a spouse or soulmate, and those who are tenderly companioning their husbands through illness. Through spiritual care, sound and vibration therapies, and reflective practices, I help women find meaning, healing, and renewed purpose.
16:16
For free resources, including tips for coping with grief and rediscovering joy, visit purpose.healingourgrievinghearts.com. You can also connect with me on Facebook at facebook.com/Kay.Fontana.
16:32
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast. Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and your experiences and emotions are valid. Join me next Saturday at 10 a.m. Arizona time, as we continue exploring the human experience and “Who Am I Now? Rediscovering Yourself After the Loss of a Spouse.”
16:55
Until next time, may you find words for what your heart has been carrying; may you discover comfort in the words of others; and may every line you read or write remind you that love continues to speak, even in the spaces where grief has left us searching for words.
17:15
Take gentle care of yourself, my friend.
