Shownotes
This week, I sit down with Steven Webb, host of the Stillness in the Storms podcast, a show that helps you find inner peace at difficult times.
Each episode, Steven brings a different perspective and way of living life that eases your suffering. Being severely paralyzed is just a fraction of Steven’s mountain climb to find his inner peace. If Steven can sit with stillness, you can also.
It’s the first time, really, that being paralyzed really creeped up.
Steven talks about the moment that he hit rock bottom when he was forty. At that moment, it felt that his life had come to a grinding halt, and that he was going to be truly alone, and couldn’t see how his future was going to play out.
The Dark Night of the Soul
Steven talks about how, leading up to his darkest moment, he had been thinking about all the things that were going wrong in his life, and likened it to The Dark Night of the Soul, a poem by John of the Cross.
I was creating everything that was terrible in the world, and I was the victim of everything.
As Steven sank deeper into depression, he began drinking, and he shares how the embarrassment of needing to ask his carers to pour him a drink was a major turning point in getting his life back together.
On Living in Invisible Shame
One of the things that Steven pushed back on in his early years was the belief by others that he was doing something amazing or inspiring. If he heard people say that, he’d run away. But then he realized it was pretty amazing when it came to what he’s done:
- Multiple charity challenges
- Organizing music festivals
- Running in politics and becoming the deputy mayor elect
Steven talks about how it took him a long time to accept people were being genuine, and not just saying or doing something out of pity for his disability.
I don’t look at it as incredible for being paralyzed to do that; it’s just incredible for me.
Why It’s Important to Reflect
In one of the episodes on Steven’s podcast, he talks about the anniversary of his accident - not just to the year, but the exact day and time that it happened. In that episode, Steven recounts the moments of the day leading up to his accident.
Steven does this every year, and as he mentions in our chat, he reflects more on that than he does his own birthday. He believes it’s because it was such an ordinary day like any other, until it wasn’t, that it remains so clear and so remembered.
It was just an ordinary day; but we never know when it’s the last day we’ll do that ordinary thing.
How His Difficult Childhood Served Him Well for What Lay Ahead
When Steven was a young child, his parents were divorced, and he, his sister, and his mum were left homeless.
At the time, he thought it was a big adventure and something cool - after all, they eventually moved into a big house. It was only afterward that he learned it was a refuge for women. This knowledge of having nothing and losing everything helped shape an important mindset for what was to come.
Those are the times that really decide who you’re going to be, and how you’re going to show up.
Join us for an open chat about loss, adversity, affirmation, consistent persistence, and why losing everything isn’t the end of the world.
Connect with Steven:
Contact me: danny@podcasterstories.com
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Transcripts
But certainly it gives you a perspective of you, you
Speaker:know, if you've gotten nothing and you lose everything, you
Speaker:already know that you can lose everything and be okay.
Speaker:Even at that doorway, when I was quiet, you know,
Speaker:I had no money I had in in fact I
Speaker:had nothing. I didn't even have my ability to move
Speaker:forward. And it's been 40 years old. He literally bought
Speaker:it in your eyes, out in front of a public
Speaker:on a sunny Saturday afternoon. You don't get a much
Speaker:lower than that.
Speaker:Hi and welcome to Podcaster Stories. Each episode will have
Speaker:a conversation with podcasters from across the globe and share
Speaker:their story. What motivates them by the start to the
Speaker:show are the crucial And More will also talk about
Speaker:their personal lives. And some of the things that have
Speaker:happened, I've made them the person who you are today.
Speaker:And now here's your host, Danny Brown. Hi, and welcome
Speaker:to Podcaster Stories. The show that it meets the people
Speaker:behind the voices of the show. If you listen to
Speaker:this week, I have Stephen Webb from Trudeau in the
Speaker:UK. Steven is a host of the Stillness in the
Speaker:Storms podcast. A show that helps you find inner peace
Speaker:in difficult times. Steven, welcome to the shore. How about
Speaker:you? Tell us about yourself and your podcast.
Speaker:Hi, Danny. It's a pleasure to be here. Yeah, my
Speaker:podcast, I do. I do a lot of meditation, So,
Speaker:and really when I hit rock bottom, when I was
Speaker:40, I suppose a bit go a little bit further
Speaker:about than that. I, I often jumped straight to my
Speaker:rock bottom because that was the kind of the worst
Speaker:thing that happened to me. But when I was 18,
Speaker:I broke my neck and ended up paralyzed and I
Speaker:dived into a certain point. It was intro to where
Speaker:I live now, stay home and I kind of eye,
Speaker:I went to a hospital for 12 months. So when
Speaker:you come back and that kinda changed my whole life
Speaker:completely. I know you as an electric wheelchair, I come
Speaker:up and move my hands. I'm paralyzed.
Speaker:I'm the easiest way I would say I would never
Speaker:know, or wherever it was really politically correct, but from
Speaker:my nip who was down and I can not fail.
Speaker:So it's the easiest way of explaining that everybody has
Speaker:them and everybody knows where they are. So at that
Speaker:point I kinda got all my life. I've had the
Speaker:normal struggles now, all of life and things like that.
Speaker:I do different girlfriends. And so I just enjoyed a
Speaker:different kind of life style. And then really nothing really
Speaker:happened in my life. I open it compared to a
Speaker:shop. I ended up bankrupt, things like that. So it
Speaker:is the Normal ups and downs. So every kind of
Speaker:life, when I hit 48, I ended up single out
Speaker:or the player or a text message or in the
Speaker:morning have my then partner.
Speaker:And I don't know if, if I don't know what
Speaker:I want anymore. And then of course I've been around
Speaker:the block enough to know what that meant. And so
Speaker:that kind of just knocked me for a sec. It's
Speaker:completely, I was 42 years old and I was paralyzed.
Speaker:I didn't really have a career. I didn't have any
Speaker:money or anything like that. I knew I was faced
Speaker:with never, ever, never going to see anybody can say,
Speaker:I'm never going to enjoy my life again. And if
Speaker:you like, that is the first time, really big power
Speaker:lights that are really creeped up into my life. And
Speaker:it's the first time I felt really depressed. And then
Speaker:a few weeks later I was at the supermarket. And
Speaker:at that point, my chair broke down a wire.
Speaker:I went in for the tire and the tire half
Speaker:burst and it stopped. And I didn't think that life
Speaker:could get any lower. But at that point it did.
Speaker:I said that I started crying out in the supermarket
Speaker:with a guy that a security guard was just a
Speaker:few feet away as I wasn't with anybody at that
Speaker:time, it was a Saturday afternoon and it was really
Speaker:busy and I just didn't know what to do. I
Speaker:just burst out in tears and bearing in mind. I
Speaker:didn't know anybody around me. I didn't have any way
Speaker:there to, like, I was scared to go walk over
Speaker:and excuse my shoulder. And it was, it was not
Speaker:a little bit of comfort. I don't think he knew
Speaker:what to say. I don't think you have any idea
Speaker:what to say, but it was enough to think, well
Speaker:that someone's there.
Speaker:You know, I'm not alone in this and after composing
Speaker:myself and all of that, and I thought, Oh, how,
Speaker:how can I even fix my chair? I have no
Speaker:money. My credit cards too, are completely full. I knew
Speaker:I was in a broken electric wheelchair, paralyzed single. And
Speaker:at that point I just lost all hope. Like I
Speaker:think that they say is like the dark Knight of
Speaker:the soul. I've heard about it afterwards. But for weeks
Speaker:at that point for several weeks, I couldn't sleep. My
Speaker:mind was too active. I would think of all of
Speaker:the worst things. Of course my ex girlfriend was having
Speaker:a wonderful time with all different relationships. All the things
Speaker:that I would love to do these things are like,
Speaker:which of course that wasn't true, but in my mind
Speaker:thought that was true.
Speaker:So I was creating everything that was terrible in the
Speaker:world. And I was the victim have everything. I couldn't
Speaker:even sleep at all. And I started drinking every night.
Speaker:I started with one or two glasses of Southern comfort
Speaker:and it was quite embarrassing because I was asking my
Speaker:carers to pull up the drink because they have 24
Speaker:hour care to help me. And I've had that since
Speaker:it was 18. So it's one thing when you go
Speaker:into the drinks cabinet yourself and point out, there's another
Speaker:thing when you go to, as someone who has to
Speaker:do it and I wasn't a drinker, so it was
Speaker:an unusual, but they weren't saying anything. And after a
Speaker:few weeks that one glass turned into two turned into
Speaker:three.
Speaker:And at that point it was embarrassing, but a bee,
Speaker:I knew it was a slippery road and that was
Speaker:my lowest point in my life. I think I knew
Speaker:I had to do something about it. And I started
Speaker:reading books, which was unusual for me because I had
Speaker:never read a book sit in school because there was
Speaker:labeled dyslexic. And then at that time they didn't really
Speaker:know what to do about it. So it was just
Speaker:while you were dyslexic. And I lived up to that,
Speaker:that paradigm. So I started reading books. It was really
Speaker:difficult, but it was so it was enough for her
Speaker:to sleep. And that's why I did it for weeks.
Speaker:And then every single book would look up and go,
Speaker:well, if you go to meditate, you've got to love
Speaker:yourself and meditate.
Speaker:And they were the two bits of advice for me.
Speaker:I kind of Love by Southwest narcissistic and that is
Speaker:so wrong and everything against why I would ever think
Speaker:of it. And as far as a meditation, you've got
Speaker:to be kidding my mind, my mind. So overthinking and
Speaker:so on. And the only time I've tried meditation was
Speaker:it in my late twenties. And I sat down for
Speaker:about three minutes because I thought it was cool. I
Speaker:thought I might got a girlfriend, that guy, you know,
Speaker:I thought it was a trending thing today, but it,
Speaker:it lasted about three minutes and I realized my mind
Speaker:doesn't shut down. So here are the two solutions to
Speaker:my pain was meditation start having compassion for yourself for
Speaker:giving yourself.
Speaker:So whenever the w w when one person tells you
Speaker:something, and when one book tells you something and you
Speaker:go, okay, it may be true. But when everything is
Speaker:pointed to the same thing, as some point you've got
Speaker:to go, okay, I can not be right. And everybody
Speaker:else, and everybody has to be wrong. So I started
Speaker:mass. I think I started sitting down with my thoughts
Speaker:and I quickly learned that I wasn't my thoughts. And
Speaker:that was the major breakthrough for me. It was like,
Speaker:wow, I have thoughts, but I'm not those thoughts. And
Speaker:this is what led to my journey. Really. Now that
Speaker:realization from been at that rock bottom, being at the
Speaker:mercy of all the thoughts I thought was true, or
Speaker:where the pain and suffering, and I was still disabled,
Speaker:I was still had all of the problems.
Speaker:They come in with a disability they're not walking. And
Speaker:I know is the easy part of it is that
Speaker:the stuff that goes with it, that is the Difficult
Speaker:pods. And just realizing that I can have a thought
Speaker:by now, I have to do anything with it. It
Speaker:was so liberating for me. It was so freeing of
Speaker:that suffering. I still felt pain. I still got upset.
Speaker:I, I would cry at a John Lewis address. You
Speaker:know, I, I was one of these people that I
Speaker:was very emotional and that if I hear you a
Speaker:nice story outcry, so, but it didn't get rid of
Speaker:that. I still felt things deeply. I still worried. I
Speaker:say I still got angry, you know, but I had
Speaker:this freedom from the suffering that, that caused, and that
Speaker:impact taught me, or show me to help other people
Speaker:through meditation.
Speaker:And really the meditation of just, just sit with whatever's
Speaker:going on. So I would help other people, you know,
Speaker:and then that, that really, to the Podcast, Stillness in
Speaker:the storms, you know, the storms always rage in the
Speaker:Storms, or is that whether it's in the mind, whether
Speaker:it's your emotions, whether it's political, whether it's the external
Speaker:world, anything, we try to spend the so much time
Speaker:lining up everything else, tried to sort it out when
Speaker:the politics are perfect for me, when the outside world,
Speaker:when my family accept and understand me, when everybody listens
Speaker:to me, when everybody thinks as long as I do,
Speaker:I'll be happy.
Speaker:You know, when I'm perfect house, when I'm perfect way,
Speaker:we will be happy. And we spend so much time
Speaker:trying to put out the fires to put out in
Speaker:the Storms, quiets in the world down, and then you
Speaker:turn internally on the spiritual journey and you think the
Speaker:spiritual journeys is going to be, Oh, this is wonderful.
Speaker:I'm now on the spiritual journey. Now in the second
Speaker:half of life and everything is going to be cool.
Speaker:And then you realized there was a raging storm and
Speaker:fire within you. It's like Tom of just learned to
Speaker:cope with a one out of that. And then we
Speaker:turn it inside and you realized I'm crazy.
Speaker:I thought it's a crazy. And I always get back
Speaker:to the, this by Jack cornfield. And he said, my,
Speaker:my, my subconscious mind is like a, a dangerous neighborhood.
Speaker:They don't like to go there often. And you suddenly
Speaker:realized how crazy we are, how our emotions change every
Speaker:few seconds. How, you know what, when we used to
Speaker:think we were depressed or we, we were anxious now,
Speaker:whereas now we have anxiety and we have, and it
Speaker:comes and goes the same as depression. And I feel
Speaker:depressed sometimes instead of I am depressed, I did it
Speaker:suddenly lifts these barriers. And that enables us to deal
Speaker:with life. Life is still the same.
Speaker:There's nothing different in my life today and not to
Speaker:fall. My life's worst today than it has been in.
Speaker:Most of my life. I'd been single. I haven't got
Speaker:any abundance of money. I've been in politics. You know,
Speaker:my local counselor, I'm currently the deputy Merillat. So I'm
Speaker:about to become the deputy mayor if I get reelected
Speaker:and Mae. So really there's more Storms in my life.
Speaker:Then there ever has been put on a lot more
Speaker:peace. And that's when I talk about, On Stillness at
Speaker:the storms, we got it. You don't have to, but
Speaker:some of you not have to stop thinking, stopped the
Speaker:emotions that will come and go, Oh, you know, were
Speaker:not really in control of that.
Speaker:It's having the tools and having the knowledge that we
Speaker:don't have to do anything with them when they are
Speaker:rising.
Speaker:Well, that's one of the things that I like about
Speaker:your show is just like you, you were there about
Speaker:Y you know, how life and how we allow ourselves
Speaker:to get really distracted by things outside of control. You
Speaker:have a very straightforward, no BS approach to every episode
Speaker:and yeah. And you tell it like it is, and
Speaker:it was one that, and then as long as we're
Speaker:for like a, a, a, a self-deprecating humor as well,
Speaker:which I really don't think that it must be like
Speaker:a, really a British thing. Cause like I tend to
Speaker:find British humor, very dry. And you know, self-deprecating like,
Speaker:for example, the app, there was an episode where you
Speaker:talked about how awesome it is to be paralyzed, but
Speaker:it's still had, obviously all of that is serious. Your
Speaker:approach to are more humorous tech, but it's still had
Speaker:a very serious message, you know?
Speaker:And you were, you were pushing back on and said,
Speaker:well, you are, you're amazing because your doing these things,
Speaker:you know, as well, paralyzed, well look how awesome Steven
Speaker:is and, and the message. And that episode was a
Speaker:really strong message. And did you find that you often
Speaker:have to push back on people's perceptions in, is that
Speaker:what brought an episode like that to the fore or
Speaker:what what's that like?
Speaker:One thing I had found always difficult to cope with
Speaker:is, is the, you are an inspiration. You are amazing.
Speaker:You do so much in life. And for the most
Speaker:part of my life, I was, I was living with
Speaker:his deep shame. The, I didn't see it. I would
Speaker:always see shame and get one, all of that. And
Speaker:other people, not me, I'm doing brilliant. Umm, but every
Speaker:time someone is housed in his face and I was
Speaker:doing an amazing, I would want to run from it,
Speaker:but I didn't know why. And, and I would look
Speaker:at it as well. I've got a carers, they get
Speaker:me out of bed. Should I really be looked at
Speaker:as something amazing for just doing those things. And I
Speaker:very often didn't look at my life and go, Whoa,
Speaker:do you know?
Speaker:I do achieve quite a bit. And even when I
Speaker:sit back and go, how did he crap? I'm deputy
Speaker:mayor of my city. That is like from an ego
Speaker:perspective. I think that's incredible, but I don't look at
Speaker:it as incredible for being paralyzed to do that. She's
Speaker:just incredible for me. But with this deep shame, I
Speaker:would find it very hard. And during lockdown I have
Speaker:had so many revelations, so many freedoms has come about.
Speaker:And then what are the main one is the wheelchair
Speaker:that broke 15 years ago as virtually died again now.
Speaker:And for the last, during the lockdown, the battery has
Speaker:completely died.
Speaker:And now because of that, other things went wrong. So
Speaker:about August last year, I reached out to her a
Speaker:couple of times and said, how am I going to
Speaker:fund a new wheelchair? The ones that we got available
Speaker:in the UK are not really that are applicable. If
Speaker:you wanna be active, put it that way. And they
Speaker:were about 10,000 pounds on that. I was thinking of
Speaker:what I kind of ask people for it. And I
Speaker:didn't know why I couldn't ask people. So I went
Speaker:to a couple of friends and said, all right, we
Speaker:got to do some kind of a challenge. We got
Speaker:to do something that I can get sponsorship and then
Speaker:I can pay for the chair. So I can give
Speaker:publicity to a company's how many tried to work it
Speaker:out.
Speaker:And one of them said to him and said to
Speaker:me, and she looks up and said, why don't you
Speaker:just ask people, wanting to help you? And why don't
Speaker:you just ask? And I have so much resistance that
Speaker:so much fear come up with that. And I sat
Speaker:with that for a little bit. And I spoke to
Speaker:my, of a, another friend about that fair. And she
Speaker:said, she looked at me and say, gee, can I
Speaker:be really honest with you? You and this was the
Speaker:X go for it. And that caused my rock bottom.
Speaker:I want to play where you were assigned my daughter.
Speaker:I mean, she left up a, can I say something
Speaker:to you? And I cannot remember quite the words where
Speaker:she put it in a room and I did not
Speaker:recognize what, what she said to me.
Speaker:But when someone says something to you and you're triggered
Speaker:by him, she said, do you think that you feel
Speaker:guilty about your accident or something? So somewhere along the
Speaker:lines and I had to, I was triggered immediate, like
Speaker:resistance to this. And what I've learned over the last
Speaker:few years is if you are triggered that something that
Speaker:you know, not to deny it and not get angry
Speaker:and then just see what the trigger is. And I
Speaker:saw it on a couple of days later, I send
Speaker:it back and says, I think I've got a deep
Speaker:shame. I know what she said. She said, do you
Speaker:feel like the world owes you something or something like
Speaker:that? And it really put me off, but it was
Speaker:brilliant because it unlocked something in a couple days later
Speaker:on.
Speaker:I said, aye, I think I have a deep shame
Speaker:about my accident. I was the dumb-ass that dived into
Speaker:the pool. Well, that night I climbed up on top
Speaker:of that wall. When I walked along the top of
Speaker:the wall and I looked at my watch, it was
Speaker:September the first at 10 31 in the evening. I
Speaker:like five 10. And at that moment, when I hit
Speaker:the bottom of the Paul, I was instantly paralyzed. So
Speaker:from that moment, I've needed a 24 hour cap. I
Speaker:have needed help on virtually everything in life for all
Speaker:of my physical things. And the life becomes more expensive,
Speaker:like a wheelchair, things like that. I'm not going to
Speaker:live in the UK or in a country that does
Speaker:help people with disabilities now, but it doesn't stop the
Speaker:feeding of, you know, I did this.
Speaker:So for nearly 30 years, I had the shame of
Speaker:asking people for help. You know, I would literally be
Speaker:in a shop and some of them would say, would
Speaker:you like me to pass that down to you? When
Speaker:I was like, no, no pay, thank you because I
Speaker:never want you to be in any trouble. And when
Speaker:I realized my shame of my accident, I realized why
Speaker:I didn't like people calling me a hero calling me
Speaker:or not a hero. Some I was hot. I call
Speaker:myself that, all right, we're all a hero on their
Speaker:own journey. And I'm kinda trying to embrace that part.
Speaker:But when they caught me in an inspirational way, how
Speaker:could I be in an inspiration? So sub-consciously, how could
Speaker:I be an inspiration? Well, I was a dumb ass,
Speaker:broke my neck. I know.
Speaker:And I just get on my own life and I
Speaker:never realized it wasn't because I broke my neck. It
Speaker:wasn't because he was a dumb ass that night. It
Speaker:was because I do get all my life and I
Speaker:think make a big issue about my disability, about betting
Speaker:in a wheelchair. I would avoid disabled clubs. I would
Speaker:avoid a disabled groups. I don't know. And I thought
Speaker:it was because I was in embracing the I'm not
Speaker:disabled. I can go on my life. And it wasn't.
Speaker:It was because of my deep shame of I created
Speaker:my disability when many people didn't, when I realized that
Speaker:I, and I realized that I was an inspiration because
Speaker:of what I've done since my accident. Wow.
Speaker:That was like a freedom that I could never on.
Speaker:Suddenly I put on a go fund, me page. I
Speaker:raised the money for a new wheelchair. People hate me
Speaker:the money for the wheelchair. And I was like, wow,
Speaker:this is like unbelievable. And people said to me is
Speaker:because of how you handle life, not what he did.
Speaker:And that's why I realized is that it's a huge
Speaker:thing in embracing the FA or embracing the fact that
Speaker:I didn't have that shame for so long. It has
Speaker:given me so much freedom. Now, you know, I can
Speaker:happily, I would never have considered it a marital acquisition
Speaker:or a deputy ma I will be, you know, one
Speaker:day that my lead on it to be mad, I
Speaker:will have never considered that.
Speaker:I would have been somebody that would embrace people with
Speaker:physical disabilities and the accessibility issues, faster thing that I'm
Speaker:standing up for now and shouting about rather than avoiding,
Speaker:rather than trying to go, Hey, LA, you know, that's
Speaker:all I live in able-bodied life and that's not reality.
Speaker:So in a really long answer to your question, I,
Speaker:I do feel resistance and you know, I'm paralyzed. There
Speaker:is no about a thinking law of attraction, whatever you
Speaker:can do is going to change that. And there was
Speaker:some awesome news that comes to, I think, one of
Speaker:those things that I think the episode, if you are
Speaker:talking about 10 things, is why it's awesome to be
Speaker:paralyzed.
Speaker:And I think one of them, I said that I
Speaker:didn't have to get up at, in the middle of
Speaker:the night to go for a pee. How well, some
Speaker:of that as a superpower, how many people would love
Speaker:that superpower, especially the older we get.
Speaker:Exactly. So that's like the worst thing is just waking
Speaker:up in a middle name as you mention you go,
Speaker:Oh, but I'm still a warm it's when we really
Speaker:want to do anything on the side that I hear
Speaker:ya. I think what was the, you have to mention
Speaker:them. They are at the exact time and date that
Speaker:the accident happened. There was an episode on your podcast
Speaker:where you share the experience of the, the amount of
Speaker:our story and the memories that you, you remembered leading
Speaker:up to the accident. And, and you broke down in
Speaker:the day that it was a, a normal day, but
Speaker:it wasn't a, and I, when I was listened to
Speaker:that, it was like a really moving, like, I can
Speaker:picture up everything that you would go through, every action
Speaker:that you are taking you on that day, leading up
Speaker:to your accident. It's talking about that deed hard to
Speaker:do is still a R does have a few, like
Speaker:you're speaking of someone else's life, our w what, what
Speaker:was it like when you, we will make an episode
Speaker:like that?
Speaker:Every anniversary I, I do reflect on it. I reflect
Speaker:on that more than I do my birthday. I'm not
Speaker:sure why, but it, it seems to be a September
Speaker:of the first for me, it's quite a big thing.
Speaker:I think it's a big thing because I simply reflect
Speaker:more on that day about my life than I do
Speaker:on my birthday. I got enough to get us by
Speaker:a perfectly, I love growing out. I love the fact
Speaker:that I'm still here. Well, when I recorded that episode,
Speaker:I really didn't know how it was going to go,
Speaker:but I just thought about it. You know, that Sunday,
Speaker:they broke my neck and, and not have to say
Speaker:it. I said about it when I go out, but
Speaker:in the morning and went about my day. And they
Speaker:said, this is no ordinary day, but it was no
Speaker:ordinary day.
Speaker:It was just a completely ordinary day. The same as
Speaker:what you've done this morning, or the same as what
Speaker:we've done this morning. But we never know when it's
Speaker:the last day, he will do that. One thing. You'd
Speaker:never know it. When it was the last day, you
Speaker:will be on the phone. Your mom you'll be at
Speaker:a, a hug. Someone hugged. Your daughter may be, or
Speaker:what have you ever, we never know, because one day
Speaker:will be the last day you would do that ordinary
Speaker:thing. And you have to strike a balance between living
Speaker:every day as if it is going to be a
Speaker:blast. You going to do that because you, you would
Speaker:end up either feeling really embracing life or feeling quite
Speaker:miserable and depressed. If you look at every day as
Speaker:if it is going to be the last day. But
Speaker:if we embrace the fact that everything we're doing is
Speaker:almost like the first time we do those things and,
Speaker:and just embraced.
Speaker:This is the first ad I've got this day. What
Speaker:am I going to do? It that it totally changes
Speaker:the way we, we look at life. And then I
Speaker:do I do I do the ordinary things and think
Speaker:they're amazing every day. Do I drink in a cup
Speaker:of coffee and go, wow, this is an amazing cup
Speaker:of coffee. What I want an amazing gift. This is
Speaker:to have a cat or that works. I have hundreds
Speaker:of people are just suddenly come together at to give
Speaker:the electricity from the cattle to work. I'm the coffee
Speaker:bean. So we pick that up for that so much.
Speaker:It goes into a cup of coffee, but every now
Speaker:and again, when we sit back and just the episode
Speaker:I recorded yesterday, it was about taking stock of our
Speaker:lives.
Speaker:It's like, gratitude is almost overused. Now I'm the same.
Speaker:As mindfulness is all most overused. And we all know
Speaker:we should be grateful for everything, but you cannot literally
Speaker:go for your day being grateful for everything. Every moment,
Speaker:get in the car and you can be grateful. The
Speaker:cost starts. But if you start doing that every day,
Speaker:it becomes a norm. And again, and the episode was
Speaker:recorded yesterday, which will be out this week is just
Speaker:look around your house. What for your house and take
Speaker:stock of what you got. It just like a business
Speaker:would. And every year a business counts his assets by
Speaker:taking stock. When do we do that? But when do
Speaker:we go through our body and, and count the different
Speaker:assets, we got it.
Speaker:You know, the ability to see the ability to talk,
Speaker:tastes, feel things, and just sitting down and occasionally and
Speaker:taking stock of that and go, Hey, this is what
Speaker:I have got, but not in a, in a gushy
Speaker:gratitude way. Just the reality of seeing the way things
Speaker:are, because the way things are very often aren't and
Speaker:the way we see them, you know, were so focused
Speaker:on a negative bias, w w which is a, a
Speaker:good reason why we got it. You know, a negative
Speaker:bias keeps us alive and negative bias is why we've
Speaker:evolved so well as humans in a world that really
Speaker:isn't that friendly, especially, especially in the last few million
Speaker:years, hasn't been that friendly.
Speaker:We've just made, you know, essentially a heated lockable homes.
Speaker:We made the world a little more safer for us.
Speaker:So this negative bias that we so wants to try
Speaker:to get rid of what we want to always think
Speaker:positive and always be happy. But the reality is, if
Speaker:we are always saying everything in the positive frame, where
Speaker:we are going to miss the signal's in the things
Speaker:that helped protect us, that helps us improve our lives.
Speaker:Negativity isn't bad. It's what we do with it at
Speaker:the same as anger, or it isn't bad. It's what
Speaker:we do with it. I think that's the one thing
Speaker:that if I could teach anything, it's, whatever arises, wherever
Speaker:it is here, what we do with it is completely
Speaker:our choice.
Speaker:You know, you can be given a hammer and you
Speaker:could build a house, or you can destroy something above
Speaker:what was not the hammer. It's not the anger. It's
Speaker:not the way, it's not the feeling of when we're
Speaker:feeling depressed or something like that. It's never the emotional
Speaker:survives in to blame the continued suffering.
Speaker:All right. And it, and it reminds me, I want
Speaker:you to watch a documentary, a thing it was on
Speaker:Netflix are something about the text messages that are the
Speaker:people that were on the plane's in nine 11 center
Speaker:on a lot of them new. This was going to
Speaker:be the last name. And then they were speaking about
Speaker:it. As you mentioned, there are what they should have
Speaker:done for the partner is what they should've done with
Speaker:the kids and spent more time. And, and then afterwards,
Speaker:he had visited the survivor's. So people that were meant
Speaker:to go to work that day and the tower is,
Speaker:but for whatever reason, they would leave it. There was
Speaker:traffic jams. They were saying they have to drop kids
Speaker:off. They, they celebrate their lives now and make, make
Speaker:sure that they embraced the date. But they also ensure
Speaker:as you, as you rightly pointed out, that there are
Speaker:lost people that are lost friends who have lost loved
Speaker:ones, and that they punish that.
Speaker:I'm not sure if punish is that like what? But
Speaker:they, they make themselves feel guilty for that moment of
Speaker:they are here and the friends that aren't.
Speaker:Yeah. And it's very difficult because everything becomes a Normal,
Speaker:everything becomes normal. I say, it's like, we, we see
Speaker:some of them that we want. And then we build
Speaker:up this, that this is going to say, this is
Speaker:going to solve all our problems. This is going to
Speaker:be present at once we move house. Once we buy
Speaker:something, once we learned this new skill, and then we
Speaker:fell great once that happens. And then after a few
Speaker:weeks, if it becomes completely normal again, and I haven't
Speaker:seen that documentary, but I can imagine the euphoria of
Speaker:we survived. We're going to go out and do all
Speaker:of these things. And then the life settles in.
Speaker:Again, they settle back into a normal life and then
Speaker:they feel guilty all my days for not living their
Speaker:life to the fall. Because I th I believe everybody
Speaker:feels to some degree would not live in our lives
Speaker:to the full, I don't think anybody, he goes to
Speaker:bed at night, thinking that I did everything I could
Speaker:possibly do to make today amazing. You know, it as
Speaker:bad as the days and there's days, or have class
Speaker:not so productive, you know, I, I tend to go
Speaker:back to the end of the night if I can
Speaker:put my head down and a small and go, Hey,
Speaker:you know, I did a pretty good, I don't beat
Speaker:myself up. Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I write my
Speaker:level lists in the morning and then to achieve it.
Speaker:And I put my head down and go, I've got
Speaker:to come back and do Pat's in my way, but
Speaker:I kind of laugh at that struggle.
Speaker:But yeah, I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine there is
Speaker:some element of guilt survivor's guilt. I think I've heard
Speaker:that phrase before.
Speaker:And you mentioned struggled on your website, your share, how
Speaker:your childhood was a difficult one, your parents divorced a
Speaker:year, ended up homeless for a while. Did you feel
Speaker:like the, the, the hardship of your childhood helped you,
Speaker:like toughen you up with that sort of an expression
Speaker:for when your accident happened? Because your accident happened after
Speaker:the homelessness? Correct? Because obviously you were kids. And do
Speaker:you think that helped you a mindset or was that
Speaker:a different mindset altogether?
Speaker:I can remember when, when we moved down to a
Speaker:small holding, my, my, my parents are divorced. I don't
Speaker:think that was my fault. So I was only have
Speaker:about seven at that time, but I can remember when
Speaker:we moved out of the smaller to me, moved to
Speaker:tour, and we ended up in a caravan I'm from
Speaker:that car. And we were then put into a home
Speaker:that I thought was a mansion. We put up to
Speaker:this mansion in that, like the English stately home, your
Speaker:drive up to one thing you got out of the
Speaker:car, and you can go into the big dog with
Speaker:a huge stack house and lots of rooms. I think
Speaker:he was out. I thought we made it. I thought
Speaker:it was his mum when the lottery or something, and
Speaker:it didn't occur to me at the time.
Speaker:But later on, I knew it, it was basically to
Speaker:be a refuge for single woman. And I remember I've
Speaker:been in the bedroom where my mum and my older
Speaker:sister, she's two years older than me. So I think
Speaker:she was suffering a lot more than I was at
Speaker:a time. I thought this was an adventure, and I
Speaker:can remember eating an evening, mail out. It was cold
Speaker:part is out of a SoulSteven. And it just, something
Speaker:really struck me when my mum put some of it
Speaker:in the sauce. And then me and my sister had
Speaker:it, it was spoons. I kind of enjoy that. That
Speaker:was cool to me. I was like a young child,
Speaker:but now I see my mum ate when we left.
Speaker:And I do remember sitting there thinking, why didn't we
Speaker:have a normal male? Well, why didn't we have a
Speaker:Hotmail wan? Why is mom At, when we left now?
Speaker:I don't know the reasons I haven't put it up
Speaker:with her. And that's what I noticed that day. I
Speaker:don't know if it really grows you a muscle to
Speaker:become strong, but it's certainly, it gives you a perspective
Speaker:of you, you know, if you've gotten nothing and you
Speaker:lose everything, you already know that you can lose everything
Speaker:and be okay. Even at that doorway, when I was
Speaker:quiet, you know, I had no money I had in
Speaker:in fact I had nothing. I didn't even have my
Speaker:ability to move forward and be in 40 years old,
Speaker:he literally bought it in your eyes are in front
Speaker:of a public on a Sunday, Saturday afternoon.
Speaker:You don't give a much lower than that. And I
Speaker:know now that I can be there and be OK,
Speaker:it almost seems like my life is a firm, one
Speaker:catastrophe, or a one fade into another. It really isn't.
Speaker:It's it's. Those are the times that really decide who
Speaker:you, you going to be decided how you were going
Speaker:to show up. Those are the times when you've got
Speaker:to dig deep and do something that is a signpost
Speaker:in life. All of the other, the music concerts, they
Speaker:have great experiences, the funding and love the, all of
Speaker:those are the things that we wish we could last
Speaker:forever. All of those were immature. I mean, I know
Speaker:all of those are the great experiences, but they don't
Speaker:very often define us.
Speaker:And I think that's why we focus sometimes. And I
Speaker:don't look back at any of those events and go,
Speaker:I wish they didn't happen. I look back on them
Speaker:quite fondly in a way that I do believe I've
Speaker:got this strange today, the ability to be resilient. And
Speaker:I don't live in fear because I really think I
Speaker:can lose everything again and be okay, you know, way
Speaker:things work out. It just might not work out and
Speaker:the same timeline as you want them to.
Speaker:Yeah. And speaking of the things, what can I, you
Speaker:had mentioned earlier, your deputy elect of a deputy chief,
Speaker:deputy mayor aleck, sorry of Trudeau, which was a beautiful
Speaker:place in Cornwell when the UK have done it. And
Speaker:so of course, you've done multiple challenges for charity. You've
Speaker:organized music festivals, and your second book, the gift of
Speaker:no choice is on its way, which is a far
Speaker:cry from some of that, the darker stuff that's also
Speaker:happening in your life. What else is on your bucket
Speaker:list? Give you got a lot going on at the
Speaker:mall. What are your bucket list?
Speaker:Well, I, I have, I have a three-year plan that
Speaker:I'm not attached too, but it's a, I I'm very
Speaker:much live in the moment, be mindful of the day
Speaker:and things like that. But, you know, with climbing the,
Speaker:the metaphorical mountain and I am, and I'm very much
Speaker:a sit down and take a look at the view
Speaker:and enjoy it, but keeping an eye on where you're
Speaker:going, but then it become attached to where the guy,
Speaker:but I haven't a three year plan. And really I
Speaker:wasn't planning on becoming the deputy Merillat act at this
Speaker:point or the deputy mayor for the next year. I'll
Speaker:if I still got Alexa as a local counselor in
Speaker:may the seventh, I will, I will then officially become
Speaker:the deputy manager.
Speaker:So I'll be learning what it's like to be the
Speaker:deputy mayor and supporting the current mayor. John Allen was
Speaker:a big she's now that Merillat. So she will become
Speaker:the math. And then if I choose to take it
Speaker:on, or, and if the counselors do what me and
Speaker:I was raised in an anonymous letter. So I, I
Speaker:so think of my fellow counselors for that, for the
Speaker:believing in me, having the trust in him, giving me
Speaker:this amazing responsibility, and then I would become mad for
Speaker:the year. So the plan then is to release my
Speaker:book, come to near the end of the year, the
Speaker:book it's called the gift of no choice that really
Speaker:is looking at my life.
Speaker:And I think is a wonderful thing. When we have
Speaker:our choices were moved from us, you know, I have
Speaker:no choice in that door way to do something more
Speaker:in my life. You know, if we are comfortable and
Speaker:everything is going okay, when someone comes along and says,
Speaker:well, give up your job because there's better things you
Speaker:can do is just like, eh, I don't want that.
Speaker:I've got to come from right now. I think that
Speaker:sometimes we have to be forced out of our comfort
Speaker:zone. So that's what the books about that, the gift
Speaker:of no choice, I've had no choice, but to face
Speaker:my battles in life. And I think that gifts I
Speaker:really do. And then the, You, after being the man
Speaker:who, if that happens, I wanna go back to John
Speaker:and go to the Lanza.
Speaker:And M is the upper most point of the UK
Speaker:to Just down where I live. Landon is known to
Speaker:be a thousand miles. I attend to that in 2005
Speaker:to raise money for dogs who are disabled and fleet
Speaker:frontline, emergency equipment and trust. Well, I failed because on
Speaker:about the 15th day, I came out in my wheelchair.
Speaker:I'm part of my shoulder. Yeah. I would like to
Speaker:go back and redo that. And I think now with
Speaker:Facebook and live video and having this new wheelchair that's
Speaker:delivered next week, I won't go into it. So it's
Speaker:like, I'm literally like child that has got the best
Speaker:toy in the world.
Speaker:I'm getting my legs back on Tuesday. And just in
Speaker:time for the vulnerable people that have some kind of
Speaker:illness that, you know, COVID-19, that would really affect, we
Speaker:were allowed out from the 31st of March and what
Speaker:a perfect timing is, just so incredible timing. So with
Speaker:that, I want to go back and do my job
Speaker:and go to London. And I want to, my initial
Speaker:thought is I want to provide a, a thousand people
Speaker:with the dogs for the disabled. I had won for
Speaker:nearly 12 years. It was called back in the golden
Speaker:achiever. He would move stuff out my way. He would
Speaker:pick stuff up and put it on my lap.
Speaker:But most of all it is, it is an amazing
Speaker:companion, you know, dogs have this ability to not judge
Speaker:you. They love you unconditionally. And I would love to
Speaker:be able to do that for a thousand people. So
Speaker:that's my plan after I've done that after I finished
Speaker:the book and the reason why the book slightly delayed
Speaker:is because of, I think They deputy mayor. And if
Speaker:I go on to be mad, I think is a
Speaker:fitting end of that is a current chapter. And this
Speaker:is wonderful having mindfulness and a big heart and politics.
Speaker:Uhm, I believe it, it is there any way everybody
Speaker:I see in politics, especially on a local level, there
Speaker:is that because the passionate and they care, they may
Speaker:not, it may not always be as obvious, same way
Speaker:as we say it, but there is a heart in
Speaker:local politics and you know, that's my next three year
Speaker:plan.
Speaker:I I'm so excited about it. It can be a
Speaker:challenge Tuesday. I know we're going to go on about
Speaker:that, but that's just so awesome.
Speaker:No, it was, I'm going to think you mentioned as
Speaker:well. And it's like, why are you looking at your
Speaker:legs? But no, you can do stuff, but it's a
Speaker:lockdown as closing you get to know again, it's like,
Speaker:I can feel that excitement coming through there. This is
Speaker:a screen now it's awesome that you had mentioned earlier
Speaker:that when we were speaking about the episode where you're
Speaker:talking about, you know, being paralyzed as I've trained reasons,
Speaker:being paralyzed is that one of the, the things for
Speaker:the episode, I was going to say it changed your
Speaker:perspective or, or, or offer offering the perspective that it
Speaker:may be is not quite an amazing what I'm doing,
Speaker:but to a lot of people are obviously your, an
Speaker:inspirational and the way they want to show that by
Speaker:help and stuff, who would be your own time inspiration
Speaker:and, and why that passionate people.
Speaker:I think my mum to a large degree, she, and
Speaker:she went through a lot as I was, I was
Speaker:a child. I don't know. Well, she always coped with
Speaker:things. She heard it from us. So I think she
Speaker:would be one of my great inspirations and I've never
Speaker:been asked that question and it's nice to be able
Speaker:to put her down. And I never thought of it
Speaker:so much in that way, but she has. And other
Speaker:people around me that helped me out a lot. And
Speaker:then you've got the famous people where there's people that
Speaker:have made a big difference. Umm, you know, the Mandela
Speaker:was of the world and people like that that have
Speaker:lived in solitude and the gift of new choice again
Speaker:that have come out the other side, Terry White people
Speaker:like that, that have been thrown in the most awful
Speaker:positions, but yet they found a way to compose themselves
Speaker:and you use use that, the situation to their advantage
Speaker:to help others through that.
Speaker:So I hope that answers your question.
Speaker:No I do. And, and I, I like, as you
Speaker:mentioned, it ties completely backed to, to your own mindset
Speaker:and then, you know, your outlook on life, where it's
Speaker:about people who have overcome the no choice and you
Speaker:know, that's clearly not to shape your life and as
Speaker:it is now. So now that it's like that, definitely
Speaker:ask him a question. And like I was curious because
Speaker:I like it might, you know, I know you're an
Speaker:to a lot of people who inspire me, but I
Speaker:was curious to see who, who, who makes Steven inspired.
Speaker:So thank you for that. So Steven, this is I've
Speaker:really enjoyed our chat today. I could sit here and
Speaker:talk with you for hours and hours a day, but
Speaker:in my world that it's, it's like the late afternoon
Speaker:and I'm sure you got stuff to do it for
Speaker:people that want to connect with IU online or listen
Speaker:to your podcast about meditation and taking the time to,
Speaker:to, to sort of flag where is the best place
Speaker:for them to connect with you.
Speaker:The best thing to do is connect with steven.com and
Speaker:I'll make sure I dropped out in the show notes
Speaker:on analytics to your podcast. That will be in the
Speaker:shot. It's too. So if you are listening to this
Speaker:episode on your favorite podcast app, as you show up
Speaker:just a quick reminder, add on to the show notes
Speaker:and you find all the links are over to Steven.
Speaker:So again, Stephen, I really appreciate today and I'll be
Speaker:listened to some more episodes and I know, and I
Speaker:look forward to the new and it's coming out as
Speaker:soon as well. So thank you for today. Thank you
Speaker:Tammy. I really appreciate it. This has been Podcaster Stories.
Speaker:If you enjoy today's episode, make sure to head on
Speaker:over to Podcaster Stories dot com, where you can catch
Speaker:up on previous episodes, subscribe to the free newsletter and
Speaker:basically choose your apps. So you want to listen to
Speaker:the show on Apple podcasts, Apple podcast, Spotify, and until
Speaker:the next time take care and stay safe.
