Episode summary introduction:

The principle theme of this podcast episode revolves around the critical importance of honesty as a cornerstone of integrity. TC & Maddog share how important it is to share life with others in both the ups and downs. It will be the downs that bind us together. 

As we navigate through various life scenarios, we confront the challenges of maintaining honesty and the repercussions of dishonesty. 

Join us as we explore the interplay between honesty and moral dilemmas, urging listeners to consider the right course of action in challenging situations. 

Get ready for this introspective journey as we examine the nuances of honesty and its profound impact on our character and relationships.

Topics discussed in this episode:

Exploring the essence of honesty, TC recounts a personal experience that sparked his curiosity about this value. The speakers delve into the lyrics of Billy Joel's song 'Honesty' as a springboard for discussion, highlighting the sentiment that honesty is seldom heard but is crucial for authentic relationships. 

They examine the necessity of honesty in various facets of life, from parenting to workplace dynamics. The dialogue also touches on the nuances of delivering honest feedback and how the manner of communication can greatly affect the reception of one's honesty. Through practical examples, the speakers underscore that honesty, when delivered thoughtfully, can enhance trust and facilitate deeper connections

Walkabout takeaways:

• The essence of our podcast, Electronic Walkabout, is to talk about the important things in life.
• Honesty serves as a cornerstone of integrity and is crucial in our lives.
• We explore the importance of being honest and the challenges that arise in real-life scenarios.
• Engaging in open dialogues enhances trust and communication within relationships and friendships.
• It is essential to deliver honest feedback with tact to avoid unnecessary hurt.
• Practicing honesty consistently helps build character and reinforces one's integrity over time.

More about E-Walkabout:

To learn more about Electronic Walkabout visit us at   www.ewalkabout.ca.

If you want to read more “Thoughts of the Day” check out TC’s Book at Amazon:

"St. Mike's Fortunes"

A special thanks to Steven Kelly, our technical advisor, who keeps trying to teach these old dogs new tricks when it comes to sounds and recording!!

“Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you!”

Electronic Walkabout. No one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times.

Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Maddog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us.

The Electronic Walkabout. Maddog, thanks for joining me in the studio today. What's happening with you these days, T.C.

You know, just enjoying this weather, enjoying the summer, quote, unquote, while it lasts before the lights turn out and the rain comes back.

Oh, you had to say that.

Sorry. I know. I think I jinxed it.

But. But you. You have some great news to share with the listeners.

I do, yes. I've been hard working over the last little bit and received a promotion, got awarded it yesterday, so jumping up into the old vice president role.

So, yeah, it's a. It's a big deal, and it's kind of like the. The cumulation of many years in a specific career. So I'm pretty excited.

Well done. I. I' truly happy for you. And best. I don't want to say luck. I.

Luck's got nothing to do with it, but I hope you slide into that position and continue doing what you're doing and, you know, continue being the leader you are.

Thank you very much, sir. I appreciate that.

So today we're going to talk about something that really is the gauge or cornerstone to integrity, which is honesty. And I'll tell you the story behind it, why I picked honest. So the other night, I was sitting on the couch watching a rockumentary on Billy Joel.

Okay.

So you're familiar with his song Honesty. So I've listened to that song probably four or five times since I've listened to the rockumentary. And I started wondering, well, what is honest?

Because in that song, one of the lyrics is, honesty is seldom ever heard. So I got curious about that, and I started thinking to myself, well, wait a second.

I'm pretty sure that mom and dad told me how important being honest is as far as relating to your integrity. Yeah. So I figured let's. Let's go down that road and see where it takes us.

Sounds good.

So join us as we travel into the challenge to be honest as life hits us with real life scenarios. But first, as always, a thought for the day. Learning how to be the bestest friend results in the best ROI in the world.

And we're talking about dogs, right?

Guess. I guess you could.

Yeah.

So just out of curiosity, how many dogs do you have?

Two. Two bestest friends ever.

Bestest friends.

The just, the love, it's unconditional. It's fantastic.

Yes. And of course, you always say hi to our, our husky.

Absolutely.

More ways than one today. But. So why is honesty so important to us?

I think it's just part of your. Why is it important? Because people like to know the truth. They know the truth, the base of it, but it's kind of speaks to who you are.

If you are honest and stand up, you, you know, have a great deal of integrity. And I think people can see that and resonate with it.

Whereas if they catch you in a lie, that it kind of paints you in a different shade a little bit. So I think it just really symbolizes who you are when you are honest.

I, you know, I'm on exactly on the same page with you now as far as defining who you are. There's no question about it.

Now, one of the things we are going to talk about is the fact that, okay, let's say you are caught in that lie and there are ways you can recover, but it's a TSN turning point. It's an opportunity for you to, I'll say, make it good, but easier said than done, for sure.

True.

I had a little trick with my kids when I, when I knew, when they were younger, when they were not being honest, it was always, I'm going to give you one chance to tell me the truth.

What a heart knows.

And they just kind of, you can tell, their whole demeanor just slumped because they knew this. I got to do it now because if it comes out later, it's going to be worse. But they always fessed up.

Kind of knew when I'd say that, that they got caught. But I, I was happy that they would actually divulge with the, the, the real issue was.

And then again, that's, that's another opportunity for you. And we'll talk about that as well to how to manage that once that person, let's say, gives it up and said, okay, this is the, this is the truth.

But when you think about it, and an easy gauge is this isn't simply being honest. And it doesn't matter what the situation is, asking the question and following the answer, what's the right thing to do.

In this situation with regard to story. So if you get asked a question.

So you're in a situation where you realize that, okay, a. Let's call it a moral dilemma.

Okay.

And all of a sudden you realize that honesty is part of this moral dilemma and you're debating with Yourself, should I be honest in this situation? And then the question becomes, well, what's the right thing to do?

So you're kind of taking it away from yourself and just putting it out there, saying, well, rather than being subjective, what's the objective right thing to do as a gauge to say, okay, what am I going to do here?

Right. Kind of like, do I look fat in this dress?

It's hard he should say that because there is, there's one of the things I did want to talk about. We might as well get into it right now. But those kinds of questions, is it okay to lie?

Absolutely. It is. For. It's for your own well being. I think so.

For your own preserve.

Self preservation.

Self preservation.

I think it's just. Yeah. And I think everybody does. They want their partner's honest opinion.

And if you get to a point in your life, in your relationship, that if something really doesn't look good or whatever the case may be, you're. You will be honest with it. And my wife, I am not a fashion person at all, but my wife will come up and say, how's this look?

She knows if I pause for like three seconds, she's like, okay, thanks. And she'll just turn around going, james.

You'Re a dead man.

Oh, no, I didn't say anything though.

But you know, you can say so much without saying a word.

Yes, but, but then you know what, it's, it's the how I respond.

Well, that's, that's what I was going to say. So the diplomacy comes in and that's another skill set to have to be diplomatic.

It really is.

And it's funny because I look my son and he has no idea what that word means. He's like, you talk about honesty. There's no filter with his honesty. So I guess what I'm talking about, should honesty have a filter?

And in that case, that's a perfect example. How do I look at this?

Right. I, I would personally say that honesty shouldn't.

It shouldn't.

No, no, it shouldn't.

With a few exceptions. Right.

Well, correct. Like you want to not have a filter but not be crushing and rude. Like.

Yes.

If you're asking me for my opinion, I'm going to tell you what I think.

And I'm being.

And it's a take it or leave it type thing, but I'm not going to say it detrimentally.

No, no, no, no. And then I was actually talking to someone about this at the gym.

I said, hey, we're going to get together, we're going to talk about honesty on the podcast. And he, and he said to me, he says, you know, and we're talking about those. I'll call them. I don't know if you want to call them.

They're white lies because they're not lies. You're just going along with it because you're, you're saying, well, what do you think about this? Do you really like this?

And you don't want to hurt the person's feelings. You just go along, say, hey, that looks great. You just keep going with it. Right?

So you do you.

And getting back to the whole filter question, I agree with you. There shouldn't be. But if there were to be a little filter, I think there should be some wiggle room with this. And again, knowing who it is, you're.

Who it is you're dealing with, whether it's someone close to you, because if someone's really, really close, you should be able to have that as honesty without a felt.

And like, guys that are our best buddies are brutally honest and they don't care how you take it. Usually if you're that good of a friend, but, you know, it's coming from a good place.

Like, they, if you have a best friend like that, they're not going to say stuff to intentionally hurt you, but if you ask and you open that door, they're going to, they're going to give you the answer.

Yeah, they taste the blood and they, and especially in a group. Right. They don't, they don't let up for sure. I just call that good character building myself.

But, and in doing the extensive research that we normally do for these podcasts, one of the things that popped up right away is that people have some difficulty in being honest. And I thought to myself, well, that makes no sense to me. It really doesn't. Because the way I was brought up that, no, you're. The expectation is.

Doesn't matter what the situation is. Just be honest. It'll be easy for you.

I. People's feelings these days, I think, get in the way a little much.

There's certainly that aspect.

And when, when you look at it, if, if I'm going to be honest, I have to come to some kind of realization that, that I might lose something or be hurt because of my honesty. Talk to myself. Well, maybe, maybe the first couple of times.

But like, really my mind, if you can be honest, that's, that starts to speak to your integrity. And then again, how you manage that, that's. That's even more important.

There, there Definitely is an art to giving feedback that isn't crushing or hurt somebody. You can be honest. It's, I think a lot of it is the delivery. Right.

You, you can really hurt somebody by just being very blunt and brash and they maybe just wanted to a conversation about like, it would have been better received if it was delivered a little bit better. So I think that might be. Some people don't have that tact and it's just like, blah.

It's true. So like there's been a couple times in, in my life where I said, jesus, that was a stupid thing to do. And the person said, you're absolutely right.

I'd say you won't stop and think about that for a sec before you respond.

You answered way too quick when I said that.

Yeah, but I mean, I already knew. Right. And we're, we're our own worst critics.

So, So I, I guess wouldn't it, wouldn't it be helpful if our, our own worst critics to learn to be honest with ourselves so to make it easier to be honest with others?

Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely a learned trait or learned skill. It doesn't, that does not come naturally.

So what do you think the positive outcomes are if we follow our conscious when it comes to being honest?

I think there's a trust factor that get gets built. I, I had a boss and he was, his big words were always, I like to be fully transparent.

So I, I, whenever he said that, I, I knew that he was really speaking his mind. He delivered it well. But I learned to trust him.

And whenever I heard him start off with just to be transparent, I knew that it was his opinion or, you know, being honest with something. But I took it, I took it to heart because that was his kind of precursor to, I'm going to tell you what I think.

But for the most part, he was always right. So I learned to trust that whether.

The, whether the message being shared on it was, was good, bad or indifferent.

Yeah. And it was, it was his delivery. It was, it was very easy to take and it didn't come across as offensive.

So you're more apt to listen to that versus somebod. It's coming out of the gate hot and it's just like, whoa, whoa. Okay. That was a little much. Thanks. I'm never going to ask for your opinion again.

Anything else you can think about because like, what you're talking about is in a leadership context for sure.

If you're talking about that partner relationship, that, that learning how to be honest with each other Again, is something that you have to develop between you and your partner for sure. And that comes with, I'll say some, sometimes with some pains.

Yeah, sometimes you learn the hard way. You learn the hard way by your verbiage and how you're responding.

But, you know, if you're trul, you know, invested in a relationship and you have a lot of feelings for somebody, you are probably more times than not going to be a little bit sensitive in your delivery. You still want to be honest.

Yes.

But you don't want to intentionally hurt your partner's feelings.

There's, there's this thing, and I've talked to some of my kids about it. I call it lying by omission because they don't tell you the full facts.

That's fair.

And I, and I say you're still lying to me if you don't tell me everything. You realize that. So when it comes to the partner and you realize that, man, if I share this information, it's not going to be good for me.

So you, you, you kind of avoid it to start with.

Right.

Which is not, it's not a good thing. No, you got, you have to hit it head on. There's no question about it.

Yeah.

And I always like to say that you look at it from a positive and it gives you and your partner an opportunity maybe to, I'll say, manage that, that issue together.

And it does nothing but help your communication skills with each other when you're able to express those truths or becoming honest with each other.

So those comments, you better not be lying to me or else. How does that do for, for making the honesty.

Yeah, that's just as a straight up threat. Right. And it's, it's almost like, okay, well, if I'm going to be honest, I'm going to get that same tone back.

So I'm just going to say, yeah, that's, it's great. Everything's great. Because you kind of like, go ahead, say it. If you say the wrong way, I'm going to punch you. Well, okay.

You're going to think twice as to how you deliver it. So. Yeah, I think it's, Yeah, I think it definitely boils down to communication in the grand bigger picture.

And, and being able to deliver honest thoughts is, needs to be communicated effectively.

Effectively.

Now, just, just building on what we just said here, and I kind of, kind of little comment about it in the introduction is that if, if I'm having trouble being honest about the situation and I finally also, I'll put it this way, come Clean. You want to make sure that if you're the receiver of this. This.

This information that you thank that individual, because what it does is it reinforces the aspect of being honest.

Yeah. I had a friend in high school, and he was a very close friend of mine, and he started dating this girl.

And, you know, I got real jealous because it was like, she stole my buddy away. And, you know, we were in grade 11, and I. I told him straight up, I said, I don't like her. Like, this is. This just. I don't. I don't like this at all.

And he. Okay. And that was pretty much the end of it. We drifted apart because I was blatantly honest. And you know what? Many years later, I sought him out.

I apologized to him. I said, listen, that was. We were in grade 11, and I said some dumb things, and I apologize. I shouldn't. So it was.

It wasn't so much me being honest, but the delivery was pretty harsh and almost made him feel like he had to pick a side. So. And you learn going through that, right? You have to make those mistakes to understand how people receive honesty sometimes.

You know the funny thing, we were talking about that filch thing and just listening to your. Your story there.

You know how on occasion where, like, an individual gets together with another individual and that individual's friends is not like this person, and then they. Then they break up, and then. Then the honesty comes up, right? And. But the challenge all of a sudden is, well, then they got back together.

Oh, you've made your bed. You need to lie in that.

Right? So sometimes, in that case, maybe.

Maybe not so much a filter, but maybe just kind of maybe wait in the weeds a little bit to see if things kind of either continue on or they truly are done.

Yeah.

I saw a video not too long ago where a guy is in a car and he calls his best friend, and his girlfriend's sitting beside him in the car, and he's got his friend on speaker phone. And we'll call his buddy Chad. He's like, hey, Chad, just, you know, I'm. I'm not. She's not my girlfriend anymore. So he.

His buddy on the phone pipes up. He's like, good, I hated her. She wasn't good for you. He's like, no, she's not my girlfriend now. She's my fiance. And it was funny.

Okay, well, yeah, maybe you should be a little more honest.

But, you know, I'd say again, common sense will kind of dictate which way you're zig or zag. If in fact, and I don't mean getting caught in a lie, but I truly wasn't on it.

And let's say it's something that's of serious consequence, I can survive that. But it's a question of how and how you take the steps.

Because if you say, okay, well, it's up to you to take the action, and that's the important thing you can say, geez, I'm sorry for not being honest with you.

But that's only part of the equation because the other part is there's got to be some action piece to say, first of all, to reinforce the fact that you really are sorry. And what action can you take, let's say to gain that trust that was lost because of your dishonesty?

Yeah, it is a slippery subject. You don't get too many chances when it comes to lying and being dishonest. And you know, like I said, people will get their guards up real quick.

So you kind of don't really have a lot of chances when it comes to not being truthful. And you know, some people will hold you to that and it'll end a relationship or a friendship.

It should.

And of course, when it comes to, let's say, someone close to us, obviously you're going to spend a little bit more time or give them maybe another chance or two.

But at the end of the day, the onus is on them to take that action, to say that, look, my, my intentions are in the future to be totally honest about or as you say, transparent about things in the. And go from there. Yeah. What will it do for your reputation.

The whole being honest?

Yeah.

I think people, if, if they can truly see that you are being honest, that they would have.

That give you credibility because, you know, you said something and it was honest and either they realized that it was or investigated that, yeah, okay, he was being honest. And I don't, I think it just creates a trust or. Yeah. I'm not sure how to phrase it.

But yeah, it's funny and I think sometimes we struggle with trying to, trying to phrase this is because at least in my mind, it should be easy as breathing. It really should be. But again, it's something that's got to be learned.

And of course, when we were in that process of learning how to be honest, let's say in every situation there's going to be some faux pause that somehow will shape you into being or allow you to be honest in an easier fashion. I'll put it that way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, I definitely Think it's tone and delivery.

Tone and delivery. So one of the things I asked was, is there a reason why you might. Might avoid being honest about a situation?

One of the things that they say influences that is that it causes you stress. So it's. It's that whole avoidance thing because of the stress. Say, well, I can't deal with this. I'll just walk away from it. And.

And at the end of the day, all you have is this cloud that's hanging over you.

It does nobody any good. And then, God forbid, something happened, and then that person's like, oh, I should have said something. You know, it's like, too little too late.

But, yeah, unfortunately, that's another thing that gets learned if it doesn't go the right way.

Does rationalization perpetuate dishonesty?

I think so. People just trying to explain why they were being dishonest. Don't know what I mean. It was.

And, you know, trying to rationalize and make it make sense, where you're just. You're not taking the onus to admit that either you got caught in a lie or you weren't being honest.

And again, like I said, okay, so first time it happens to you, it's a golden opportunity. Because the key is to be totally honest, regardless of the consequences.

Because the consequences should be like a positive reinforcement, to be honest, I would think. Right?

Yes, absolutely.

If someone basically is left unaccountable for their dishonesty, then it's just going to continue on for the rest of their lives.

Yeah. A very quick, funny story about one of my sons and coming of age, and he went out with his buddy buddies. He was. I think he was in grade 10.

He's like, dad, I'm gonna go play basketball. I'm like, okay. So he goes and plays basketball with his friends, and then he comes back a little bit early. And I was like, okay, that's weird.

And he's sitting on the couch and he's just kind of sitting there. And I was like, hey, buddy, you okay? And he's like, you know, I'm like, I know what he's like, oh, I tried pot, you know, like, Like, I knew.

Like, I legitimately knew. I had no clue.

He had just had this feeling as he was taking that toke. Yeah.

Yeah. It was like, but. He just was straight up, like, but.

And, you know, obviously I got upset, and there are repercussions from his actions, but he didn't even skip a beat with telling me. And I, I, you know, I don't know exactly why that? It was probably just a straight up fear of getting caught.

So maybe he thought I'll beat it to the punch. But yeah, he, like that was a, a brutal honesty that I was not prepared for at that. Yeah, absolutely. I was like, did you just say that?

Like, I didn't even ask you, you know, are you high or anything like that. So yeah, but that to me.

What are you high, man?

You know, that, that to me kind of explained. Or I saw, you know, his character developing because he just felt so bad that he couldn't sit on it. So he had to be honest.

And you know, it was more of an admission of guilt, which was fine. But yeah, that one caught me off guard a little bit.

Certainly, I'll say a different kind of opportunity for a development there for sure.

Exactly.

And it was his honesty that, you know, opened the doors for communication about the, the issue and the topic and you know, behavior and stuff like that. So yes, he was admitting and being honest about something he shouldn't. But it did have some longer term positive.

Yeah. And that's what you have to look at. Don't, don't get lost in the moment because think about tomorrow and just kind of build on that.

Exactly.

Yeah. So that way it leaves the door wide open for them to be honest and realizing that yeah, I can survive this.

Yeah. And with that I think, you know, just as a parent, you have to pick your battles.

You know, you should not have a thousand dollar reaction to a $1 problem that wasn't a $1 problem. But you know, you really got to gauge.

We'll call it $50.

Yeah. You know, so it was, I was a good 200 reaction. But you know, it was still, you really have to.

Because if you lose your mind after somebody's honest with you and, and launch into them and freak out, are they ever going to be honest again? You know, so it's, you got to really manage it carefully.

Did he? Kind of rationally, but I didn't inhale.

Yeah. Nope, nope. No, he's straight up. Yeah. But I, I was like, okay, well he was, he was honest. I, I absolutely 100 gave him that.

Well, kudos to you and your wife because it's at the stage for that honesty to come to life. And that's truly where what I was saying, didn't mom and dad teach you how to be honest? But obviously not and it's not that easy.

No.

But one of the things I was thinking, if really you have, let's say a moral dilemma and you're not Quite sure. And we've talked about this as an avenue before on this podcast. Would it be so wrong to reach out to someone to get an opinion?

What should I do in this situation?

Not at all. Yeah.

No, we've definitely talked about this and a lot of people think either something is only happening to them or there's absolutely no solution to what they're going up against. But you never know when you. If you reach out for help, you could get some good advice and guidance.

Well, I'm going to be totally honest with you with Nat.

Please do.

I'm listening to that music playing in the background again.

And you're supposed to lie in these times.

Well, life is really about challenging us to do the right thing, even when we've done the wrong. It's how we respond to these challenges that speak to or define our moral character.

Keep this in mind when you find yourself in a moral dilemma begging you to be honest and keep this in mind. Further, most if not all situations, and you've already mentioned this, someone else has already experienced it.

So just think of it as a practice to being honest. And that's the other thing too I was thinking about. So I'm not really sure how to be honest because I've never done it before.

So I'll be honest and I'm gonna get better at being honest. So you just keep practicing until it's.

Gets received the way you intended.

Yes, that's right. Know that this comes with stress and if you can manage this, it will make it easier for future challenges to be honest. It's not enough to be honest.

It usually comes with some action. Make sure you follow through with this action because again, that speaks to your integrity. If someone is being honest with you, thank them for this.

This will reinforce their behavior and remind you the important importance of honesty. Finally, regularly assess your actions and identify areas where you can improve your honesty and integrity.

Thank you for your honesty, tc.

I try. It's not always easy.

No, it's not.

Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about E Walkabout, please visit us at ewalkabout.ca.