Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina delve into the complexities of relationships and marriage, discussing signs that indicate a relationship may be over, the importance of intimacy, and the impact of social media on trust. They explore the dynamics of jealousy, communication, and the necessity of mutual respect and understanding in maintaining a healthy relationship. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags and the need for open dialogue to navigate the challenges of love and partnership.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Wisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

hanging in there. It's dealing. Life is getting rough right now.

Yes, ma'am. Yeah, dealing. Yes. If people could only hear right before we get on. What I should do is just record that and then we'll go into a show one time so they can actually hear what the hell we talk about. Kind of We talk about the about the craziest shit. So, you know, personal life. So we we had some.

some ideas or you had an idea, but I think that we're gonna go on to something else, because I think it's probably just smart at this particular point. But I had some stuff written down. I always like write down crazy things, because I always talk on here. I watch like way too much red-pilled YouTube now and how women are...

Probably.

What is that? Red pill what?

Red pill. It's basically like, have you ever seen the matrix where like the red pill and the blue pill and then the red pill tells you the truth. It's it's basically red pilling is red pilling men. It's like telling them the truth. It's the Manosphere. It's a bunch of there's a lot of stuff behind it, but these these pages get all these insanely psycho women who do Tic Tocs talking about like what to do, like never go on coffee dates because they're cheap and

Yeah.

A man should put money into you. And it's all these men going, eh, fuck them women. Like, if they don't wanna go on a coffee date with you, don't go. So it's like, oh no, there's a line drawn in the sand. It's...

I'm glad there's a line drawn in the sand, for sure. But why am I just hearing about this? This is like a whole culture?

I, yeah, I'm gonna send you a bunch of stuff. We'll do a show on just that. I'm gonna send you a ton. You're gonna be really mad though, cause I know how you are. You're gonna be really mad at all these dumb women because like you hear all these, you'll see, I'll send you some stuff. But it's a lot of this culture that's going around and a lot of it has to do with marriage, right? A lot of it has to do with marriage. There's so many of these women going, I left the good guy.

Yes!

You know because I wasn't happy. And it's like and then all these people are going. Are you out of your mind like you know so? Here's what we're going to go with today, cause I think that it's important for. Everyone I'm going to say what are the signs that a marriage is over? But I think it's one of the signs of relationship is over as well. Right, cause there's there's two totally.

Yeah, for sure, because it goes hand in hand.

they do walk hand in hand. think obviously a relationship much easier to get out of. But I think the signs are pretty much the same, right? You know, we've both, we have both been divorced. Yeah, yeah. Here's the thing. Like, I mean, I did it so long ago that I am, I am yay us.

Yeah, for sure. Yay, yay us. Yay us.

Like, I'm okay with it. Because I'm at just a different place, you know what I mean? Like, I would say that I hate to be the guy that says, I'm over it. But I'm over it. Like, I was over it many, many years ago. Because I've been there. So like, I don't have any lingering things to do with my marriage. Let's just say that.

Right? So I think that I've moved way past that, but I do understand the signs because I take a lot of responsibility for my divorce.

Right? For sure. Takes two every time there's a divorce.

Um... Um, 100%. Do I think that sometimes it can be very one-sided? Absolutely.

Yeah, for sure.

It's never completely, but it can be very one sided where. Go. No, it's not that 100%. You're right. It's it can be. It can be 9010. It can be 8020. It can be 5050. It can be. But you know, there's a lot of things involved though that I would say that make it. More one sided.

But it's still never completely one side though.

You know what I mean? Like, if you cheat, that's pretty one-sided. Now, we can also go down the road of what leads you to cheating. Right? So, since we're kind of doing this off the cuff, I'll go with the easy ones that you can kind of throw out there. The first one, I think, for a man is lack of intimacy.

It is such a cornerstone of what men need. And I'm not talking sex. Intimacy. It's everything. There's so many things that are involved in that. I think it's kind of, you can step into a ton of different ones. I think for me, intimacy is the

Being close to each other, like sitting on the couch to me when you're watching something is the best kind of intimacy for me. I want your legs over me. want, you know, I want to be rubbing your legs, whatever it is. Cause I think that that's being close. That's sharing a space together. You know, it's so different than, you know, being in the kitchen and, and maybe cooking together and going by and touching each other. Like,

Those simple things is what keep intimacy going. Cause that I think can over a couple of hours can turn into something more. but I think men, when, when we stop getting intimacy, things really go sideways. You know, you, you've said a lot of stuff over the 240 shows that we've had about

Alright.

women in your hair chairs really talking about how they use sex and intimacy as a weapon. Which is insane to me.

Yeah, it's it's to me it's insane what men and women are doing to each other these days in so many ways but But when you just can't even be nice that really kind of it's concerning like wait You can't be nice to the man that you're with you can't you know, throw him a bone every once in a while you can't You can't you know say something nice because he really tried. I mean

Sitting here women talk and the things that come out of their mouths about well, it was the wrong color. I He bought her the $500 bag that's like the ugliest thing I've ever seen right and and He didn't get the right color and she was pissed off about that and I was like

Right.

Yeah.

You realize he went shopping for you like to buy a purse what fucking guy wants to do that?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And he did it for you and you're not gonna give him like I would change my fucking wardrobe around that bag just to say thank you for being somebody that that wants to be that to me not this like Like what kind of see you and T. Are you? That you get that mad at a color. I can't Rob I can't As I

Right.

Right?

Yeah, I think there's a lot to be said with what you're saying too.

The disrespect.

And it's on both sides of me because I hear what guys say about women too, but really I have a hard time with what women are doing. But they both are they're just so disrespectful and out of line and not wanting to bend and everybody needs to get more in the middle unless in the you know the like the extremes. Yeah, can we kind of meet in the middle because wow the energy it takes to be that screwed up is far beyond

Far outside.

on my want.

Yeah, I think that also comes down to just taking people for granted.

I don't know, think it's worse than when they're talking about their husbands in the way that they're talking that I'm hearing and stuff. I'm just like, damn.

And then I think, what is he doing? Like, cause if she's that screwed up, he not, most men are not going to take that. They're going to be doing their own thing too. Then, then at that point, I just want to know. I just want to know what everybody's doing. Like I want to see the whole movie, not just, you know, one side, one character's version of it.

Right.

I think when it comes to things like that, you're 100 % correct. Both sides have their issues, right? I think when you get to a certain part of your relationship, it's like you're either going to push yourself out to sea or you're gonna sink, right? Or you're gonna swim.

If you keep pushing your mate away, you're going to end up alone. And or with somebody worse. Right? Or you're going to look at the things that are in front of you and go look, you know.

There's bad days. Everyone's going to have a bad day. I think that the short end of this story is if you have a bad day with your mate or your girlfriend or your boyfriend, it's one day. And as long as it's not, you know, three times a week, that's being human. And I think that everyone should go, hey, it's going to happen every blue moon for whatever reason. We're

We are ticking time bombs of emotion, right? And there's a lot going through our heads. People are going through their own stuff. You know, if you look at like marriage where they're both working. So maybe work is bad. And, you know, we've talked about it on here. I think for one, you should never...

You should never discuss problems in your bedroom. That's not a place for problems. You should definitely take care of things that happen in your day within the first 15 to 20 minutes of being home with each other. Throw that shit out all and be done with it. So then you can enjoy the rest of your evening.

and hopefully not anything else comes up where, you know, and this is like minus children because, you know, children, that could be a whole other thing during the day, during the night. But things need to be said because these are the other things that push people away. When you're, when one party wants to be intimate or close and the other one just is.

vomiting verbal shit out, you're pushing people away. And with that being said, I think that as a couple, you have to have rules. There has to be rules. Life is rules, right? And before you get deep into a relationship with somebody, these are the things that I think you have to...

You know, have boundaries and ground rules for like we need to do this so we don't end up not being together. and I know that's easier said than done because I mean, obviously I'm not married. So that, you know what I mean? Like, but I think for me, I've learned. Cause I've only been in a couple of like relationships since my divorce.

And I'll do quote unquote's because I really haven't been in anything really serious. I think the longest I've been in a relationship with since then is like six months. And I think that has a lot to do with me too. when you because I'm not used to handling other people's emotions, I just go fuck it. I don't care. Which is not healthy. Right.

You think?

But it's because of where I'm at. And I think a lot of that stuff earlier is because my son was little. And I think that I was, when I got divorced and I had my son and I took him, I've never not had him. So for me, I was always in dad mode. Where I'm at now, I'm not in dad mode, right? He's a grown ass man. So I think the way I look at things are totally different. Do I still have problems dealing with people's emotions? Absolutely.

Because I don't have to deal with that on a daily basis. I just don't. So, you know, I'm still learning as I go into something new, you know, you have to you have to look at the realities of what might push people away. And and in marriage, it can be, you know, should I know people who were married while I was married? Technically six years.

I was with her 10. I know people who've been in married, you know, been married for. Well, one of my one of my older friends was I worked with her. I think she was married 14 or 15 years before she got a divorce. But they had. Yeah, 17 and my friend in Vegas, 17. Yeah, so like, you know, and look, they're roller coaster rides. They are. I think a lot of us don't get out of them soon enough.

me who's 17.

I'd agree with that.

I think that's also a thing. So, so for me, I think at least from the man point of view, think intimacy is, is one of the things that definitely would be a cause to, you know, a marriage to end. It's, you know, it's a big sign when, when your mate stops being intimate with you, there's a problem.

and

You know, from the man's point of view, I think if your wife or girlfriend stops being intimate with you, they have either are cheating on you, because they don't need to be intimate anymore, or they're emotionally, someone's taking up the slack. Because I think that's, it's a two way, it's two things as well, you know.

Well, could be that she's still scorned from his, you know, endeavors.

True, that is true. That is very true. But I mean, my thing is this, is if you're in a healthy relationship, no one's cheated, no one's done anything, and your intimacy starts slacking or going sideways, you need to find out what the problem is of why that's happening.

I think it just starts to become everything. You know what I mean?

That's what I mean. But there's got to be something, because you said that you've heard people use it as a weapon. Like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to have sex with him because he's not doing this. like, you know, that is a horrible way to push your partner away. You know, I and look, I think

Men also, you have to understand that women are women. can't just... You can't just plug them every day. That's not... That's also not realistic. You know, and I think that you have to have whatever you think is... Yes, you can't just have sex with them every day. Or here's the thing, you can if you have that kind of relationship you have. But if your mate comes to you, and like I said, not...

Wait, plug them? You're talking about sex. Okay.

It can't be every day, but it also can't be every day no.

Yeah, again, there's meat in the middle. There should not be extremes in a relationship. There just should not be. It's not, it's not really healthy.

Yeah.

Right, and that's what I'm saying. There is a healthy...

number of times that you should have sex but I think you should always be intimate right you know it and again you know there's you have to see both sides of the people like I love holding hands like I think that that's an important thing but I know people that's what I'm saying

But not everybody is like that. My ex was very much, I would rub a part on his hand and if I went over it two or three times he'd say don't rub it out. I'd be like really? That... that...

Yeah, but I'm the same way.

To me that I kind of felt a little rejected like I didn't okay if you don't like the way I rub you I'm just not gonna rub you because I don't you know what I mean it was like the way he said it was odd but then I took it weird and we couldn't we didn't find a place to meet in the middle took a long time to get through that.

Right. I've had somebody do it where they tickle my the inside of my hand. And it's like, I'll let it go once. And then let it go twice. But then it's like, stop. Like, hold my hand. like, there's but it's like, it's too much. It's like, it's to the point where like, you feel like you're being pushed, like, okay, I've asked you not to do that. And you keep doing it. Like, and it's

And again, it's the 80-20 rule, right? Or 90-10 rule. There's some things that as a great mate, you're not going to be okay with. It's just bothersome, right? And I've been with women the same way where I would put my hand on them a certain way or tickle their back a certain way and be like, don't do that anymore. And yeah, I think in the beginning, it is kind of crushing because you think, but...

But here's the thing, I think a lot of us do, a lot of us older folks, because previous mates were okay with it, you think that everyone's going to be okay with it. And that's just not the truth. But you also have to be able to meet in the middle, like you're saying. I think that there's something to where like,

It's like, I don't like that, but I like the other 90 % of the things we do. It's like, I'm not pushing you away because of this. I'm just telling you, I don't like that part. Everything else is fucking great. You know what I mean?

Right.

Well, yes. But at the same time, your approach is everything. You know what I mean? Like, because when he said that to me, I'd be in my own head. was like, motherfucker, all right, I'm not going to do that shit ever again. Because that's the flip side. You know what I mean? It's like.

100 %

I agree. It's how you say it. And like, look, you know,

But again, it is like how when a relationship is over, you know when somebody says, hey motherfucker, you know that the respect is not there anymore.

Right. Well, like I said, it's on the front end of this. If you tell your mate early in a relationship, like, look, I really don't like that. It's up to the person to understand that it's just one little thing. That's it. You know, it's... Because we've been with different people...

I think that we assume, right? You assume they're going to be like this. You assume they're going to be like that. And it's just not reality. It doesn't mean that you're not, you don't have chemistry or some kind of connection. It just means that, yeah, that bothers me. And it's okay. think if something bothers you, you should be able to go to your partner and go, look, I really don't like the way you do this.

And some people can work on that and some people can't. And I think that when you can't, that will drive you out of a relationship. That should be a sign, right? I gotta get out of this before it's too bad. Once you're married though, I think... I mean, you're not stuck. I mean, obviously. But I think that...

You're in, you're stuck. Like quicksand. You're stuck until you're not.

Right, but I think if you're going to marry someone, I think that you've already understood that that's the 10%. Like, all right, like, could I live with someone tickling my hand? Absolutely, because if they're a great person, You know what I mean? I guess I tried to look at things so different because, you know, we're on the backside of life.

If I can deal with someone's craziness, because I've already done it before, right? I've dealt with a lot of other people's craziness.

Well, every person you've ever been with, you've had to deal with their crazy. And all the other parts of them too.

Right.

And so you have to see that for what it is. Yeah, we're a lot. People. We're a lot. And exactly. Right. And to understand. Yeah. And then to understand like, hey, I'm okay with you being crazy.

Everyone is a lot. It just takes the right person to deal with it. That's truly what it is.

I get it and it's not like it's gonna drive me away. The things that are gonna drive me away are lack of intimacy. Or the other thing would be to me.

and lack of sex and, because that's important, it's gotta be on there. For sure. Right?

It is. Yeah. And cheating. Because I think as a as a person. I mean, I've said it a bunch of times on here, I don't share well. And I mean anything like when I was little, I'm sure I was horrible. But a mate never ever, ever. Ever.

Right.

I just wouldn't do it. That's me. And it's probably because I respect both of us. If you don't, if you want out, if you want to go be with somebody else, just say it so we can finish it. I'd respect you more if you came to me and said, look, I, this isn't working for me. I want to be with other people. Cool. C'est la vie. Cause I think that's fair. But if you're, if you're doing it around me and I find out

First of all, I'm probably going to prison because I'm killing people. Yeah. Yeah. No, I. No, I wouldn't. I would never kill the person. Maybe the dude, but. But even that's saying a lot, I don't think I'd kill somebody over it. But to me, it's like. That is just a line that you don't cross.

shit. And he said people.

You didn't say him, her, you said people.

It's like because you'll wreck people. I mean, I've. I've been cheated on before, but I didn't know it until a long time after it. Eight years, actually eight years. And by then I was fine. I mean, I was I mean, I mean, by then I had had.

Absolutely.

tons of other relationships. it was, you know, I mean, I guess by the time it happened in theory, I would have said I cheated on her because, you know, was years. I found out from somebody else like 20 years later that they did. But even so, like 20, I mean, 20 something years ago, I was a fucking child. It was almost 30 years ago. You know what I mean? Like, and then why that relationship ended was

Right? Yes.

being a child. Like I just didn't, I didn't understand. I didn't know how it worked. But that is another thing that I just, and I think women are, I don't want to say women are okay with it. I don't know. I would say most men cheating.

Women are okay with what? no they're not. But they'll stick in it. They'll stay in it. Yeah.

But they stick in it, that's what I'm saying. Which men I don't think do. Men find out their woman cheats, they're like, go fuck yourself, you can leave.

They do. No, you know what? For the most part, I have seen it, but for the most part, you're right. The one thing they'll put up with disrespect for years from the same person, but the second and other weenies around, they're Bolton.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And for good reason. You know what I mean? I just it's it's absurd to to take that now. I know women who. Who have been cheated on by their spouse and stayed a long time. I know one who. Who had happened to. And.

She stayed a little bit, but I think then everything started fermenting, right? When you're in your own head, over and over and over, then what ends up happening is there's no more intimacy anymore because you look at him like he's a fucking piece of shit.

And you don't want to touch him because he's been with somebody else. And I think that's why men, when they find out they're done, it's just like, no, because I, and this is going to sound horrible, but it's very much the truth is that men feel

to say it, it's gonna sound really bad. You know, it's like a property thing. Like we we put a flag in you. Yeah, it's the truth. And that's why men are very like, the first time they hear about a DM coming into someone's, you know, their girls shit, they're like, and that shit, or we're done. Because it's we do we. But that's I think a protection thing. It's like

piss on the hydrant?

If you don't want to be with me, cool, bail out. Tell me. So I can fucking kick rocks and I'll have no problem. but I think that that's the thing. And these are the signs. I think a big sign for a man now is social media. And I know that sucks being on it all the time. If you, if you're on social media all the time, matter of fact, if you're on your phone all the time in front of me, there's a problem.

Why? The whole point of being together is not having to worry about an electronic leash taking your time. If I'm not good enough to, to, you know, be your, enjoyment, why are we together? Because like to me, I love when I'm with somebody, there's nothing better than putting my phone down. It's the greatest thing in the world. I've

I'm with you on that.

I've had some dinners with some some people here recently. That when I'm with them, it's awesome because we both put our phone down.

and disappear into a conversation.

That's the greatest thing in the world. Exactly. But I think that's how that's how your relationship should be. You shouldn't be on your phone. Well, you shouldn't be on your phone all the time anyway. You know, from a human standpoint, it's rotting us. But the other thing is, is like there's a thing that we've talked about a while back and we haven't done a show on it, but I think that it's

You know, would you would you dump all your social media to stay in a great relationship?

It would be easy for me.

I mean, I would do it in a second. would be it would be hard for me only because of the show. You know, having to go on and post things. But I'm also open to like if my girlfriend wants to go through my phone, I don't care.

But also if you don't want to trust me, I don't want to be with you. I don't know. There's a fine line with that because getting on Life 360 with your partners and everybody knows how to get into your phone and go through it. Where's the sense of trust there?

I understand that, but I mean, my thing is, shouldn't you just be open to it? Like, what do you care?

Yeah, but shouldn't you just be trusting of it?

100%. But again, there's a fine line there of, I think society has just screwed up, right? Because there's, you, and this isn't from a man's side, because I'll tell you, it rarely happens that someone DMs you, some girl DMs you and is like, hey.

I would say it never happens. It's probably few and far between. And I mean on average. Where women, I think it happens daily. So if you post it, all you would have to do is post a picture. That's the other thing. Like what's the fine line of posting pictures? Is it okay to post bikini pictures?

daily.

I don't think it's okay because I don't want see my fat ass in a bikini but you know so be it.

But from the other side though is what I'm trying to tell you. If your man's, and again, whatever you find attractive in a man, let's say it's a suit, your man's pictures in a fucking suit all the time, you should probably be wondering why. If he's not posting pictures in like sweatpants and a fucking dirty t-shirt and his hair sideways, where he's posted, every picture he posts is him trying to look handsome, there's a problem.

Or if it's, know, he's next to his fucking car or he's next to his boat or he's next to his whatever his motorcycle, whatever the whatever it is. To me, that's a problem that you're trying to flex on something. So you're you're fishing where women fish the other way. One bikini pick one pick in, you know, tight pants, whatever it is, you know, men will flock to it. So if you're if you're

looking for attention, it's not hard to find. So social media is kind of that thing where it's not that I don't think men trust or don't trust, it's that they don't trust men. So it has nothing to do with trusting your partner. It's just don't put me in that situation. You know, it's no different than, it's no different than

right?

And I'll say it for both sides even though it's probably not true mostly for men You know a girls night out if you're gonna go to a club on a girls night out Why why are going and I know that sounds horrible and I know it sounds like he just wants to control me No You shouldn't why do you need to do that now? Going to a club 99 % of the time is that you're it's a meat market

You

So you're just setting yourself up for failure on both sides. If a man's going out to a club with his boys and his, and you know, 50 % of his boys are single. What do you think is going to happen? Everyone starts drinking. Everyone starts doing this next thing you know, there's some girl talking to you and you're like, Hey, blah, blah. And, and

Alcohol is a whole other issue when you're out doing stuff. So you're just putting yourself in that position. And maybe it's just because I'm old, but I never did that when I was young. I don't put myself in positions.

I did. I loved going clubbing and I didn't go to check out guys to be honest. went to dance.

Right. But I just think that...

I mean, I think it's common for girls because girls will dance with girls. but I just think that it's, it's the why, why do you, or here's the thing. If you need to go to a club, go with your girl, take her with you. If you want to go to a club, take your man with you. It's okay. but I also think that there's, you have to go within the

Absolutely. That's actually a lot of fun.

You have to understand that, you know, one person has to be of healthy mind. You can't go with your girl to the club and both you get hammered and then some girl or some guy hits on your woman and you get all pissy and want to murder somebody. You know what I mean? Like you have to be able to go right now. And here's the flip side. You can't be the girl and get so hammered and going, what? He's only dancing with me. It's like, no, that's I'm uncomfortable with it.

I've seen that

I don't want my girlfriend dancing like that with some other dude. So, but you know, each other's friends will then go, they're just controlling and they don't want you to have fun. It's like, no, because the reality of that situation is the long-term is we have to be with each other. The other 364 days where we're, you know, we're in the backyard gardening, we're barbecuing for dinner. We're, you know, real life shit.

So don't give your mate a sign for one night out to ruin everything. Because it's that easy. I mean, can fuck up your relationship in a night. people who really good for each other, really great to be around each other, 99 % of the time, it's amazing.

In an hour.

You know, they, they sit around, they talk, they, you know, learn about each other. They giggle, whatever it, you know, my, my, big thing is can you sit down and have a dinner with somebody and enjoy someone's company? I,

Not someone's the person that you're with's company.

Yes, here I'm gonna I'm gonna play something here. It's a Let's see if I can get it to play What hold on I I had it I met a friend I heard it today shut up

I saw that today.

True.

that you actually enjoy being with before sexuality. That's 100 % true.

Yeah, got it. That way you get to know them and see if you want to be intimate. That's how it's supposed to be. That's how we were taught for it to be.

Yeah, well, and I'll tell you firsthand, it works.

It works. I I spent time with somebody for a weekend and it was a long time ago. And nothing happened.

It was just, and I'm talking to like years and years and years and years ago. And, and, and when I mean nothing happened, I mean no sex. Did we, were we intimate? Absolutely. Like we kissed and we held hands and like we did, you know, we did like, let's go out to dinner with your friends. And like, we did all that. So like there was intimacy, but there was no, absolutely no sex. And to me, I realized that, you know,

you have to like someone for who they are. And then it happened to me again years later where I spent a weekend with somebody and it was nothing but talking. And I realized that that's the most important thing in the world.

Because a lot of people, all they worry about is sex.

I think it's become a thing. Sorry, I just sneezed. It becomes a thing because...

It's okay.

previous relationships more so men they've been Kept from having sex so sex has become a big holding like I'm holding out if you're not gonna put up We're not gonna It it's be yeah, it's become that and I get it because women as I've heard it You know and and always do hear it like they hold it out like as if it's a

Yeah, well sex is currency, that's why.

if it's a... it's if they're proud of themselves and I'm like you're proud of yourself from holding out being with somebody you're supposed to love how does that make sense? it doesn't make sense to me I don't care how mad you get at a person you should always try to have sex you should always try to be close you should always try to be intimate and if you're not wanting that you're in the wrong relationship

Mm-hmm.

Right and I think that that's a telling sign right I think

for sure. know that that was the end. I remember those signs in the end of my divorce. Like just the lack of caring to be close like that was very much a sign looking back. Didn't know at the time. I thought it was more like a power struggle or something of that nature, but it wasn't. It was the beginning of the end.

Right. Yeah, and I think that was probably very similar for me. Matter of fact, in a couple of relationships, when things just kind of, you know, you just stopped that part of everything.

women use that as a tool to get what they want and then on top of it, it becomes something that isn't felt like now you're cutting him off from the source, know, from everything because even when you're having sex, you're not bonding, you're not being close, you're being robotic or you're doing it to get something out of him or you're doing it because he's losing his shit and if you don't

you're afraid of what he's gonna do next. Like those aren't reasons to be doing that. But when it happens, you might want to take a good look at your relationship because it may not be going that great.

Right.

Mm-hmm. I agree. And look, and like I said, I think that there's longevity of this. Not having, not wanting to have sex one weekend is not, it's not the reality of your whole relationship. And again, for whatever reason. I also think that if you, if you don't want to be intimate with somebody, you should say why.

Like, and not use I have a headache. Like, I'm just not feeling it right now. It doesn't mean that I don't love you, that I don't wanna be with you. It's just right now. And I think that goes a long way short term.

Well, you gotta understand for women as always their hormones are, you know, battling out inside of them. So as they get older that changes or I gotta tell you just getting bored of the same damn thing. Like for me, there wasn't

Yep.

there wasn't anything more new that we could do because we had been together so long and that

Right.

mean, there's always something new, but yes.

But it was, yeah, but that was hard. the, and I don't want to sound mean, but by saying mundane or the monotony of it all, but there was some degree of that. And I'm sure he would say the same thing as well. Like it wasn't, it's always two people. It's never just the one person.

Yeah.

I agree with that, but I do like you've said before, like I'll give you an example. I think it's up to both parties to push the envelope when it comes to being intimate, right? Because men, we're so simple. We're so simple. It doesn't take a lot for us to orgasm where

where in a lot of cases women it does it is but i'm just saying it's a combination lock sometimes my thing is this too i guess i'm i'm just a different cuss i want to know everything i would prefer a road map than thinking i know what i'm doing on my own so when i'm with women i'm like if i'm not doing something right you can say it

Yeah.

Because at the end, I want you to have a good time where I don't worry about it anymore. Just like, because I I like getting people off. I think that there's something to that.

But that's also intimacy. like to, you know, and I know that, you know, we can argue semantics when it comes to that too, because I know girls are like, I didn't get you off. I don't like that. I get it. I don't want to argue on either side of that. But when it comes to pushing the envelope of what you want, like you said before, you're like, I just wanted him to take me in the kitchen. And I think men, we have our own issues with lots of different things.

I it is difficult. Like I couldn't see myself doing certain things 10 years ago that I've done today. You know what I mean? Like I remember way back in the day. I would love to tell you who it was, but I don't remember the first time like having sex in a jacuzzi. And I do believe I know who it is, and I do believe you know them.

But I'm not 100%, but I'm pretty sure it was. I'm almost positive. Too many bumps on the head. that person, then I was probably like, I don't want to do this, and I don't want to do that. Where now I'd be like, fuck it, I don't care. Like, get naked in the pool. Like, it just doesn't matter. You have to let things go where...

I think I've found myself doing things like I've had sex in front of a window knowing somebody was in the backyard and not caring.

So, right. And matter of fact, if they saw, I would have like giggled and probably waved. You know what I mean? So there's something to that. That's where I'm saying that there's, you know, the signs of your relationship going sideways is when the person that you are with,

as it should be.

Says hey, I would really like this to happen and it doesn't like you really do have to press your mate to to Keep things going. It's like I've Women who are a little bit forceful sometimes are great

They should be too. I mean, I think it's good for a man to know he's wanted.

both sides. Yeah. And vice versa. There's something and you know not to get too like, you know, in depth on this, but there is something like I know that like we haven't done a sex show yet and we really you know that that's been on there for four years and we saw them done it. But like if you grab somebody by the neck and push them against the wall like and that's

you

Let's just do it.

And I'm not saying like trying to hurt somebody but just hey, I like I want you right now. There's nothing better than that. So like I think if a girl does it to a guy. I most guys aren't going to and I don't mean push me. I mean push me against the wall. Fuck. That's the same thing, but

They're not going to say no.

They're not gonna say no and vice versa. If you're walking through the kitchen and she like fucking drops her drawers and says take me right now 99.9 % of dudes are gonna say yes, you know and and and Agree like I'm saying it it's no different than having sex in front of the window knowing that you could get caught because there's something not only is it daring but it's

I would hope so. I mean, we need them to be like that. We need that.

It's showing like I want you to be mine. Like, so if they, if they see it's all right, because that guy's just jealous of me. You know, so there's, there's something to be said to that. So, you know,

There's it's also a sense of like possession of taking taking control and taking charge which is at the core what men are So it does it does cause a woman to take notice or take Not notice but like To know that she's wanted like that. It's it's a good thing. It's it it demands attention and respect

Right.

Right, it's I want you this bad that I'm willing to do this. Right, well, or willing, like I'm saying, feel like you're out, if you can get caught, that would be the willing part, but yes. What else would you think would be like a big warning sign that your relationship's over that we haven't talked about? Yes.

know that I'm going to do this. Yeah.

Yeah.

sleeping in another bed, different beds.

Yeah, I 100 % agree. Once you're there, I think it's you're just kidding yourself. Yeah.

Yeah. Or, and not trusting. Like when I've seen couples where they quit trusting each other and they move their money separately and they lock up things and like, know, stuff is just disappearing and they don't know where that's definitely assigned to.

Yeah, and look, I think as older folks like we are, you you're once bitten, twice shy. So there's a lot to be said to that. you've had issues in the past, I can understand where you might not be as trustworthy. But I think those are the things that you talk about during the courting stage and just be like, look, this happened to me.

I want you to understand that I could be this way. But I think, you know, look.

To me, the trust thing is give them enough rope to hang themselves.

That's it.

I think you should. mean, for me, it's like when I was married, I remember I never even went into my ex's drawers or go through anything in his personal, you know, in his office or in the garage. I just never went anywhere close to his things. Not for no other reason other than I just didn't want to know whether there was trust, whether there wasn't, whether I, I, and I think that when you don't trust, there's a level of insecurity.

that you need to check yourself. you know, whenever I had any of that, I didn't bother to look. And I think that part of that, not fighting anymore or the not, like, not getting passionate was part of it too. So was like it was good on one side but not on the other.

Yeah.

you know, was a double edged sword. Like, trusting to that degree is great, but not caring to check is not great. I don't know.

Yeah.

Correct. Like you said, it's very much a double edged sword. You have to walk the fine line. Like, look, I've let many girlfriends and wives go out dancing. And I will tell you that it has bitten me.

See, and that never would have been a problem for me because I was always just on the dance floor. wasn't looking for... As a matter of fact, every time somebody approached me, I was like, no, don't bother me. I'm dancing. Like, leave me alone.

I truly don't think that one of them meant for it to happen. It just did. I think my relationship was already not good. She was probably already looking for a way out and it just happened. But I will tell you that I didn't find that out until way later where...

You I let my ex-wife go out partying until four in the morning and then and and I know for a fact that she didn't because her best friend is who told me about the other person. So if it was happening before it, I would have already I would know. So there's a lot to be said to that. But look, you have to minimize the.

things that can happen in a relationship that can turn it sideways. So, but there are signs, like I mean, like you said, if you're pushing your mate to another bed, probably already over. It's just, it's unfortunate, know, it happens. And we're at a spot where, you know,

There's a lot of things that can kick up a relationship. Generally, it's other people. Other people will always screw your relationship up. And I mean that from...

Well jealousy is an ugly thing like you know if you have it even if they never wanted it chances are they're gonna want it because you do. So you really gotta watch that.

100 %

Yeah.

Yeah, and you have to understand that the person that you're probably with, you know, emotionally can, you know, kind of weave in and out of traffic. You've got to find your way back to the person and say, look, this is what it is and let's not let it go down this road. But there are a lot of signs that relationships...

I think that are, and I hate to use the word red flag. I think that that's just, it's overused. Everyone, everything's a fucking red flag. Yeah, everything. It's like, it'd be like going to the beach. There's a fucking million of them. So that, you know, I don't buy the red flag thing. Like if you're a good person and they're a good person, you can make it work. It's, you just have to realize that there's, that, you know, we come with baggage.

Overdone. Everything's a flag. Everything. You're right.

All of us, no matter if you're 22 or 52, you come with baggage. Some of that baggage needs to be handled and some of it doesn't. But you can't, you have to understand that the baggage that comes with people is part of life and it's a good reason not to push them away. It's just trying to understand that things will be okay.

Yep.

It's very difficult. Look, there's a lot of signs. Look for them. But also remember that if it's an early in the relationship and you see a sign and you think it's worth fighting for, make sure they know. If you've been in the relationship 25 years, it's probably already done. Because you've probably saw that flag at 10.

And you just didn't. Yeah. Yeah, and it turned into marriage that turned into kids that turned into 10 that at at 10 you were like, I got to get out of this shit. This is fucking horrible. And then at 25 you finally there's something that breaks the back, right? There's always there's always something that that finally you go. I cannot do this anymore and I got to go.

You saw it when you were dating. It turned into the 10.

Look, I mean my ex wife, you know, she was 40 years old. Yes, she met somebody else, but I think that it was probably over well before that. That just helped. But look, she walked away. There's something to be said about that. I think that, you know, make try to make your relationship work. And if it doesn't look walk away like. Better to do it now than than wait and wait and wait and wait.

Because look, at the end of the day, like we only have so many years. You better enjoy them while you're here. And if you, if you found that you like somebody and they're good for you and you think it'll work, it might be a good idea to fight for it. Cause they're, they're few and far between, you know, the, uh, to think that there's a lot of choice out there, you're, you're going to be very, very disappointed.

because there's a lot less than you think.

I would hope not. I mean, I hope that when I'm ready to do the settling down again, it's not that difficult.

I'm just looking statistically Statistically, it's it's not good Yeah, I know look I'm all up for dreamy stuff I like that I'm I'm a sucker. I'm kind of a hopeless romantic I like I try to see the best in everything I do But the reality is is that

You're like Tina, I'm just telling you the truth, not your bullshit dreamy shit.

We have a short window, mostly at this age. If you're young, you can probably weave in and out of things for the next 10 or 15 years. But at our age, there's a very, very select amount of people left. And if they fit inside your window, you might wanna go, that might work. Or I might wanna try this just to see what it is. Because...

You know, you may end up realizing what's really out there. You know, it'll be, you know, the next four dudes who only want to bang you and never call you again. Or or it's the next, you know, five girls that you all take on, you know, a hundred dollar dates that ghost you right afterwards. You know, I'd rather find the one person I can go fuck.

I can talk to her pretty much every day and man, we've had some great conversations and great to be around. Yeah, I might want to try that one out instead of going, I wonder if there's anyone better. bet you know what? There's probably somebody better than her. I'm going to see if there is. And then two years later, there's nobody. You know, you gotta if you think there's something worth fighting for, you know,

do it because you may end up 10 years later seeing all these signs that your shit's done.

That's true. I don't know. think that we're all meant to be with who we're going to be with and we don't even need to worry about it to that degree. It'll happen.

Team here.

Yeah, I agree to a little bit of that. I mean, we know too many people who've been in long relationships that are miserable.

You

And you know what? Stick with that! Please! Enjoy your misery...over there. Yeah, no, there's no fucking cants. Walk through the door. Walk through the door.

No, but it, but some people can't get out of it.

I mean, that's true. Yeah. You know, sometimes you have to realize that you can just move on. And your mate at the time is gonna go, but you can't make it without me. My whole thing is with that whole statement too is it's not about proving them wrong. It's about showing yourself that

Yeah, you can.

whatever your thing of getting by is. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't have to be rich. I'd rather be rich in a relationship than rich money-wise. Because I've had, I've been in relationships where we had money. And guess what that got me? Nothing. No house, no car, know, spending, you know.

$20,000 on a kitchen and 12 on a staircase, you know what it got me nothing So I I'd rather you know, like I said, I'd rather barbecue in the backyard some chicken and veggies and sit at the table and enjoy the sunset then then worry about you know What I have Yeah, they don't bury you with what you have

But on your deathbed, if you can look over at the person that you love and that really, really just understands and listens to you, the greatest currency in the world.

See, I'm a hopeless romantic. It kills me every time.

I was gonna say, aww Rob.

I know it's, I can't even watch those type of movies they get me all the time. I just think that we all want something like that, right? mean, we're human. Our ancestors had a lot of that, to a degree. So, and if not, why is there so many people that write about it? We've been writing about love since the dawn of time.

think because it's always bothering you on one level or another. Either have it, you don't have it, you have it but it's complicated, you don't have it but you want it to be complicated. mean, you could go anywhere with that.

Yeah, it could be.

Yeah.

Yeah, you have it, but you can't make it happen or you don't have it and you wish it could and the people that.

It also validates the fact that you're worth being loved and I think a lot of people need that but a lot of people don't need the crap that goes with it.

Yeah, and don't get me wrong, love is hard. It's difficult. It ain't easy. It's another job. But I think that if you look at it from the standpoint of it's probably the best work you'll ever do, you you might end up with somebody that's that's worth your time. I mean,

Yeah. It ain't easy. It is.

I don't know. Maybe I see the people that are 80 years old and they've been with the same person for 40 years and just go, wouldn't that be cool? And look, they may have their days where they hate each other, but they're still there. she's, like I said, I walked out, I was at the doctor and a guy walked out with his little old lady wife and holding her hand out of the elevator. They had to be like in their mid eighties.

But how is that cute to all those years they tortured each other? Because you know being in a relationship does that. You have it still. Fuck.

Yeah, but they're still there.

So, you gotta give them credit. It's hard because we know how hard it is. I would rather fail at relationships a hundred times than never be in one.

You know, there's there's something about We are social creatures when we don't have people It is not a good thing for us and it's both sexes We both have our issues, you know, the pharmaceutical business wouldn't be so big, you know giving people shit if Everyone was okay So any last words

there you go. I'm not even saying anything that'll work. Perfect. Yeah. Check us out on social media as I've been posting like mad. We've been doing really good again for this month. We've had some we've had some Canada's. Yeah, like. A bit we had. I'm sorry, what?

Same areas or further away? Okay.

yes, Toronto. It's the big city. But we've had like we had like South Africa. We had. Yeah, this was all within the last 30 days. Yeah, South Africa, Australia, France, Japan, Albania, all over the place, pretty much everywhere. Germany, Ireland. So if you're checking this out all over the world, thank you again. Pretty awesome. And.

Well, you can check us out every Wednesday. It's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back. I'm Rob. That's Tina. We'll see you in a week. Bye.