If you don't know where to start your pleasure healing journey, try this very simple (but very effective) practice: Breast Massage.

01:35 - Why Breast Massage

09:08 - How to do it

16:33 - What to expect

Breast massage can be a helpful way to reconnect with your body. Society's opinions on breasts can cause negative emotions and self-criticism, but breast massage can help release stored emotions and increase sensitivity. It is safe for most people, including those who have had breast surgery or are pregnant or breastfeeding. Regular practice can lead to increased pleasure and a deeper connection with your body and emotions. A lot of things can happen during a breast massage, from huge emotional release to nothing at all, and that's OK. Remember to focus on feeling the sensations, not the story behind them, and to prioritize safety and self-consent.

Episodes related to today's topic :

• Ep 9 : Completing the stress cycle

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If you’re new here, hi, I’m Dr Fanny Leboulanger, French Doctor and Sassy Sex Coach, nice to meet you 😏 My mission? Helping people (like you ?) fall in love with sex life, stop self-hate and reconnect to their pleasure, so that they can reclaim their own Lifegasm. Through 1:1 coaching and magic tools (food for thoughts, sexy education, reclaiming pleasure and inner healing), with a zero bullshit tolerance, we embark together on our journey towards your most Sexyfied Life. 

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And if you want to discover other amazing shows from podcast friends, here is a selection of amazing podcasts :

• My Spoonie Sisters
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• The Fire Inside Her
• Who the F*ck?

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15. Pleasure Tool 101 : Breast Massage 


Hello, everyone. And welcome to an other episode. If you new here, welcome, and if you're not, thank you for coming back. Today I wanted to share with you the exercise that started it all for me, the beginning of the journey. And because, you know, even if I'm passionate about debunking myths and cliches about self evolution to help you get the Fulfilling life you deserve, it's also time to talk about thriving sex. So this exercise is something you can do on regular basis. And I guarantee you, you will see results. Three parts for this episode, why we should consider gifting ourself a breast massage. Then how it works and how to do it. And then what to expect. 


First let's talk about why we should start with breast massage at the beginning of the journey. Or even in the middle for what it's worth. Depending on where you are on your pleasure journey, you might not be aware you are totally disconnected from your pussy. Or maybe you are aware you have mixed feelings about her, from disgust to also being aware she's helping you experience a lot of pleasure. Or you may be totally connected to her and experienced the best sex you've ever had in your life. And that's amazing. If you're somewhere around where I was, when I started just the idea of touching myself was making me feel like I want to puke. So you could tell me all the benefits about self-pleasuring, connecting to the greatest source of power of the universe or whatever: "screw you, I'm not doing that. It's disgusting. I can't do that. I don't deserve it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". Yes. I had a lot to deconstruct and I'm still working on it. So where do we start? 


Our breasts can be a part of ourselves we are disconnected from, for a lot of reasons. Maybe we feel they don't belong to us, because you've breastfed your children and they feel more like a fridge than your beautiful breasts. And if they look different from from what they used to do, that's even worse. Or maybe we interiorized comments and opinions on them from the crappy patriarchal society bullshit we live in. You know, the big question of "how much boob is do much boob ?"" when you wear a beautiful top, that looks amazing on you and you feel so sexy in it. And then a voice comes in and say, "you're in danger. If you do that", or "people will talk" or "people will think you asked for it" or whatever. Yuck. 


Our breasts stores so much emotion. When we are surrounded with pictures of beautiful curvy breasts on ridiculously thin bodies. Our brain cannot understand, it's not even logical. Whether we see it in porn or from people looking straight into your breasts or evaluating your body shape top to bottom when they look at you, yuck again, we can feel it. Whether it's real or not. And to my fellow may listeners, this may not be what you do personally. That's great. But the reality is it's still the case for a lot of us to feel that way. And same goes for female gaze as well, as in comments on what you are wearing, this woman will say or think very loud how it's wrong to put your breasts under so much scrutiny. You shouldn't expose them like that you won't go outside wearing this blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 


There is this constant ambient opinion about what your breasts should look like, whether they are too much or not enough. They should be more like this or more like that. This ambiant bullshit about our breasts is stored in them, whether we want it or not. And even if we try to be vigilant, we can fall right back into it. Because you may love your breasts most of the time, sometimes you criticize them and that's okay. It's not normal, but it's usual when you've been told over and over consciously or subconsciously, they are a source of problem. It sucks. And we will change that. But there is nothing wrong with you, if you're not perfectly happy with your breasts at the moment. 


I could go on and on and on about the anatomical explanations and physiological benefits of both how it's a good idea to do a breast massage. Ocytocine, fascia mobilization. And we could also talk about the elephant in the room, how your breasts are literally in front of your heart. And when your heart gets into closed mode and in protection, you just shrink and close everything. So yes, your breasts may go numb. 


When you recreate contact with your breasts, you get an access to your heart. So that also means you will get back the mess up the heartbreaks, the emotions and everything you bravely have put under the rug. Because, you know, you actually needed to go and live your life. And don't worry we have all done that. But we can deal with that. So, yeah. If you want to heal your heart, go out and scream, go to therapy, do everything that feels good. And don't forget your breast massage. 


The beauty of breast massage is how there is no counter indications to it. If you had surgery on your breasts, if you are pregnant, if you're breastfeeding. It can be really helpful to feel like your breasts belong to you and are not only food provider for your little one. The only thing to be cautious with is to not do the second direction of the massage, which I'll tell you in a minute, if you have any history of something that doesn't need more energy in your breasts. Any history of active cancer, assists, et cetera. Ancient Taoist tradition don't recommend it, even if, it has never been backed by science per se. So I'm not recommending it either. But the first direction and the rest of the massages is totally safe. And actually the first direction is supposed to help the release. So if you have a breast condition, it's even better. 


For some of us, our breasts are an easy source of self-critique. We wish there were different. We don't like them. We constantly criticized them, even sometimes without noticing. And it is actually pretty scary when you start noticing how you talk about your breasts. Or any part of your body, you have a complicated relationship with, for that matters. And if you notice yourself having bad self-talk with your breasts, there's nothing wrong with you. Almost all of us have been there, not really raised into a sex positive culture, but we can change that. 


I could give you the advice of "choose to love your breasts". But in my experience, it doesn't work, because it only creates dissociation. And what happens when you dissociate? You get numb. And since you cannot selectively you numb, you numb more, more and more everywhere. And you feel less and less pleasure and happiness to be alive. 


This vicious circle can become a virtous circle. When you reconnect to your breasts, you decrease the numbness. So you resensitized many other parts of your body, so you get to experience more pleasure. Sounds simple when written on paper, doesn't it? So with a regular practice, you may notice your breasts are an erogenous zone that you like, that is pleasurable, and they can be an endless playground too. Get ready for a highway to reconnecting to your pleasure and your emotions and your life. And no, I'm not overselling it. Remember because that is how it started for me. 


First things first and as always: respect your self-consent. If experiencing the pleasure of a breast massage isn't something you have some kind of interest in, don't do it. As long as it is true disinterest and not, "I wish I had that, but since I can't, I'll convince myself, I don't want that." 


Hint, there's nothing wrong with you if you want to experience more pleasure. Remember you have your orgasm organ inside of you. So, if you have neither interest in your breasts and your sensations, nor curiosity of what's available, don't do it. I'll see you in our next episode. Or you can also continue to listen so that you can drop to your friend after her next breakup: "You want to heal your broken heart. Start with breast massage". It's always something interesting to say at a party. Especially people's reaction to that sentence. 


Things are different if touching your breasts is scary or not pleasurable, but you still want to experience something pleasant with them. Master word here: self consent. The last thing you want to do is to force yourself to do breast massage, because you should want it, because it's good for you, or whatever... if at the beginning, the idea of touching your breasts isn't appealing or creates a negative reaction on your side, you can do the whole process with your hands above the breasts without touching. Or if that's too much, you can do the process in your mind, it works as well. The best benefits you will get are the one from a practice where you respect yourself, more than the one where you do what you are told. Let me say that again, the best benefits you will get are the one from a practice where you respect yourself, more than the one from a practice where you do what you are supposed to do. So if at the moment you want to work only with your mind do that. Or if you want to work with your hands above the breasts. Do that. And if you want to put your hands on your breasts and just breathe for a few minutes while imagining the massage. Do that. 


If at the beginning, the hands on the breasts is unavailable, maybe put your hands on your rib cage and breathe and ask inside if you can get closer to the breasts. And move slowly and look for a reaction and an answer. Every exercise or tool I share with you here is always an invitation. You are a smart being, you know what's best for you. So listen to that and follow it. 


And one more thing. It's always useful to do something that would help you feel a little bit safer. Maybe closing the door, asking your loved ones to take care of the kid for five minutes. Or to put on headphones or grab the pillow to screaming if you feel the need. It doesn't have to be fancy. Just something that signals to your nervous system. "Hey, I'm here. I can do this. It's safe to do this". If we haven't talked about this, we'll discuss an episode later, why safety is so important when you want to start healing. But as the saying goes safety first. That goes here to. 


If that feels aligned, choose an intention. What do you want to experience today? Is it love is a release. Is it soothing pleasure or anything else? You can also ask the how you will receive it. Maybe you want to receive love in a gentle way, in a passionate way, in a quiet way. You get to choose the flavor of your practice. And if that feels helpful, you can also play some nice music to accompany you in this practice as support. And also as part of creating safety. You know, music always helps when you're self-conscious. 


You will need oil for this exercise. I would suggest just to focus on skin friendly oil, without any essential oil or strong perfume. So almond oil, jojoba, coconut, sesame. Put the oil in your hands and warm it up. 


Then you will start to massage your breasts up on the inside and down on the outside. Up on the inside and down on the outside. This direction is said to help a healing by releasing what's not needed. You can play with how much pressure you want from moment to moment. Staying curious, how does it feel when I do this. And when I do that. You can go as fast or as slow as you want. The slower you go, the more informations from your experience you will get. 


If you have a history of active cancer, cysts, or anything that shouldn't get more energy, keep that first direction. Insight. Up outside, down. Otherwise, reverse the direction down, inside and up outside. This one is said to build the energy in the ancient taoist traditions. So that's the one you don't want to do in case of active cancer, cysts, or anything unpleasant. You will get tons of benefits from the first direction alone. And spend as much time as you want there. 


Some people even say it is supposed to help grow the size of the breasts. Personally, I haven't noticed it on me, so I can neither confirm nor infirm this assumption, but the list, it feels pleasurable. That's always a good thing. 


The third step of the breast massage is to cup your breasts and gently shake them. And as a last step, just keep your hands cupping your breasts, and you can whisper compliments to them or compliments to your heart. And if compliments are unaccessible at the moment, you can start with something simple. Like "I see you. You are my breasts. You are allowed to be here. You belong to me". Or even simpler. " I have breasts and you are those breasts. I have breasts and you order those breasts". There is nothing wrong if at the moment whispering compliments to your breasts or to your heart isn't accessible we've all been there. 


What you want to focus on in this exercise, and every other, is to respect your rhythm. And be sure to proceed at a pace that works for you. Also being persistent, because our sneaky brain tends to think we can drop it instead of keeping the practice on a small level. Just imagining the breast massage on a regular basis will make a difference. Don't let your brain trick you in saying that is not enough. 


So now that you know what to do with your breasts, in which direction, with which oil, et cetera. Let's talk about what can happen during your practice. 


First things first, maybe you will notice nothing happened. If that's the case, I would invite you to ask yourself the question. "Is that really the case? is it really true that no thing happened? No modification of sensations, no emotions? No. Thing." We all can have a default thinking of if I don't get loads of emotion, fly high like when I'm on drugs or understand the concept of God and the cosmic joke, then nothing happens. That's not exactly true. The question I love to ask my coachees in this situation is "How do you know? How do you know nothing happened? What in your experience shows you that nothing happened?" And you'll notice you might get some answers and start noticing things actually happening. 


I do want to point out though, maybe nothing happened. And maybe you noticed nothing happened because you are so numb, you cannot feel anything. And there is nothing wrong with you, if that's the case. My invitation would then to do the exercise again, maybe commit to once a day for a week. It doesn't have to be long, maybe just five minutes in the shower. Just choose something that doesn't feel so threatening to your system. If you've never really touched your breast before don't go 400% massage pressure. Or maybe do it, if that feels appealing. And, do it regularly just enough to rebuild the sensitivity that has been lost in this. 


What can also happen is a huge emotional release. Because our breasts have so much stored into them: the pain of heartbreaks, the rage of conditioning, the fear of being seen, et cetera. When we reconnect to them, all of this comes to the surface. And it can really feel overwhelming. The waves of sadness we have stored from her personal history or ancestral history or conditioning, the lost years, the lost opportunities. They are normal to experience. Truth to be told, it sucks and sadly it's necessary. And usually when you just allow yourself to experience the sadness, cry when it comes and let it go, that's the definition of completing the stress cycle, so this sadness gets released. 


When we reconnect to what's been hiding under the rug for a long time. Well, you can't hide from it anymore, so you need to feel it. And remember, it's always a question of feeling the sensations, not the story. Maybe something happened when you were three, which you don't remember. And actually, we don't care. The important thing is "I can feel the sensations. Let them pass through. Breathe through them. Get the release I need. So my breasts feel alive and mine again." That's why it's always useful to have spent some time at the beginning focusing on creating more safety. Because your system knows you can experience this because you are safe. 


We must make a distinction between a huge emotional release and being blocked into a spiral. With huge emotional release, you will feel better after the release. And come to a sense of inner peace. On the other side, during the spiral things get bigger and bigger and bigger. You notice you're stuck into the story, why you are sad, why you are angry, why it is like this and that other situation. The story goes alive and vivid into our head. In that case, drop the practice, open your eyes in orient. Notice the room around you. Look at your hands. Open. Close them. And if it helps you can use the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique used in anxiety management. 


Name five things around you that you can see. Four things, you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell. And one thing you can taste. Or if you want, you can just play a game of naming five blue objects around you, then four orange, et cetera. Just to help your brain calm down. This is something you can do every time you feel things are becoming a little bit too heady for your nervous system or too much charged. Getting stuck into this story isn't helping you and pushing and forcing through it, will not really bring you anything useful. 


If after the practice, you get a huge emotional release: grab something to eat, drink some water, help you reground with squeezing your body with your hands really strongly to help you come back. It's expected to get a huge emotional release when you work with your breasts. And it is also expected to experience only tiny sensations. There is nothing wrong with that. Remember, you have full control over this exercise, and over every other exercise for that matters. You choose how often you want to do it. The intention. If you want it complete or not. For how long you want to do it. Only three main things to remember :respect, self consent, focus on the first direction if you have a breast condition, and allow what wants to come up to come up. It is expected. It is normal. And maybe over time, and maybe sooner than you think, you will experience more pleasure and find out, yes, your breasts can be a source of pleasure too. That's why there are Pleasure 101 Tool. 


If you found this episode, interesting. Please feel free to share it with a loved one. And if you want to learn more about breast massage and other exercises to reconnect to your body and reclaim the pleasure to feel alive, you can download my free ebook. It's called essence. You can find the link in the show notes. If you want to support the show, subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform and consider leaving a review on apple podcasts. Click on the star rating and click on write a review on Spotify, click on the star rating. And if you want to stay connected, you will find the links in the show note for my Instagram and my regular love letters. 


Thank you for sharing your valuable time and energy with me. I'll see you next time.