John's storytelling contest entry: "No happy endings"

Summary

This episode offers a unique twist as host John Ball shares a personal and vulnerable story he delivered in a storytelling competition.

John discusses the challenges of storytelling, including balancing humour with emotion and ensuring the story's core message shines through.

The episode concludes with John's triumph in the storytelling competition and an invitation for listeners to engage with future episodes and offer feedback.

You can watch all the stories from that evening here: https://youtu.be/LXVlgEbR0B0?si=CNY8bmxUEa6jCtB9 and please Subscribe to the En Route Storytelling channel whilst you're there

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Upcoming Content

00:30 Storytelling Competition Announcement

02:05 Personal Story: Coming Out Journey

11:50 Reflecting on Storytelling Techniques

17:30 The Story Behind the Story

21:15 Feeling Rejected and Scared

22:02 Deciding the Story's Purpose

23:36 Journey to Acceptance and Happiness

25:52 Coming Out to My Parents

27:16 Facing Homophobia and Family Support

29:02 Meeting Someone Special

33:48 Confronting the Villain

37:34 Reflecting on the Storytelling Process

39:46 Conclusion and Future Plans

Go to presentinfluence.com to take the Speaker Strengths Finder and discover your greatest strengths as a speaker as well as where to focus for growth. For speaking enquiries or to connect with me, you can email [email protected] or find me on LinkedIn

Thanks for listening, and please give the show a 5* review if you enjoyed it.

Mentioned in this episode:

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New PI mid-roll

This week something a little different for you.

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And if you have been tuning into the show

regularly, and I know some of you do, you

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will have seen that I've been sharing some

storytelling and some standup comedy with

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you, and I'm definitely gonna bring you

more of those things as well as more talks

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that I've got planned coming up as well.

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So I want to share.

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The practical elements of this as well.

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So it's not just me saying, oh, this is

what you should do, or this is what you

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could do, or speaking to other people who

do know, but you can actually see this

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stuff in action from me and from others.

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And so this time I'm bringing you a

storytelling competition that I was

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in recently, and I'll share with you a

bit later in the video where I placed

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in the contest and how that went.

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But first of all, we'll watch the

video together and then we will watch

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it and cut through certain bits.

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I'm gonna share with you how the story

came together, some of the mistakes

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that I made when telling the story and

some of the mistakes I was making in

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putting the story together as well.

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Some of the stuff in this is stuff I

haven't shared much on the podcast over

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time is a very, I would say vulnerable

story, but I wanted to share it and it

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felt really good to share it as well.

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I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

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I'd love to hear from you what you

think, your thoughts and whether

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maybe it even inspires you to go

and try out some storytelling.

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And let me very quickly remind you, if

you haven't already subscribed to the

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show, please make sure that you do that.

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It's super easy to do on Spotify.

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You just need to click the plus

button and you may even want

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to check out the polls and the

comment section on Spotify as well.

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Would love to hear from you there.

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On Apple Podcast.

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Just click follow.

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It may be different on

your podcast provider.

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If you're on YouTube, it's really

easy, you know what to do, like,

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subscribe and leave a comment.

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It's gonna help me to grow the channel.

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wherever you follow or leave comments

for the show or get interactive in

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whatever way you choose to, you will

have my deepest appreciation for that.

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But let's get on with the show.

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Welcome to Present Influence show for

professional communicators who want

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to impact, influence, and inspire.

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My name's John Ball and I'm your

guide on this journey to mastery

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level presentation skills.

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John Ball's screen-1: As a young

boy, I wanted the stuff you're told

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to want when you're a young kid.

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I wanted nice house, nice job, nice

family, car, of that good stuff.

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But sexual orientation had a few other

ideas and I think I was probably about, I.

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14 years old by the time that I realized

or was told that God wasn't super

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fond of men of the homosexual variety.

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However, I stayed with the church at

that time 'cause I kind of figured

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if some, if anyone was gonna help me

get rid of this unwanted shame I had.

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God was surely the very fellow to do that.

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uh, a few years later I would

mostly be seen hanging around with

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my best Christian friend Marcus.

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Marcus was cool.

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Marcus was charismatic and

Marcus was cute and, uh, Marcus.

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Marcus smelled really good as

well, which was very unusual

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for teenage boys, I guess.

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And I guess I was a bit in love

with Marcus, maybe infatuated.

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Even One day Mark has called me

up and said, uh, can I come over?

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It's really important.

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So I'm like, yeah, okay, sure.

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Come over.

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He got to my house and he said, look,

is there somewhere we can go and talk?

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So we went to the privacy of my bedroom

and he sat on my bed trembling and said,

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I've got a really horrible secret tell.

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I'm not sure.

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I'm not sure I can say it.

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And thought, well, I've got a

horrible secret to share as well.

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I wonder if it's the same one, the

same secret that I had been maybe

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fantasizing about various times as well.

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So I suggested that we both write

our secrets down and swap paper

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and we'd read each other's paper.

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So we wrote our secrets down

and he gave me his paper.

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I gave him mine and I opened

it up and his said, I.

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I am addicted to masturbation.

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A 17-year-old boy addicted

to masturbation ground.

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Groundbreaking,

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but is that it?

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Is that it?

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He opened my paper and they

did not say the same thing.

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Mine said, I think I'm gay.

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And he read that and his face dropped.

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And he said to me, I don't

think I can be your friend

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anymore if you're gonna be gay.

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And I guess compulsive masturbation

didn't seem quite so bad at this point.

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But, uh, he wanted to pray for me.

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I.

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To pray the gay away, and

I didn't know what to do.

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I, I panicked.

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I thought, you know, he might, he could

tell someone, he could tell my parents

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he could help me to various people.

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I said, okay.

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And I let him pray for me.

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There were tears and snot and all

the nasty stuff, and, and at some

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point I, when I just couldn't take

anymore, I said, look, I, I, I think.

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I'm not gay anymore get,

to get him to stop praying

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and, well, he didn't know.

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and, and so not, the only

thing that really changed that

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day was that I felt rejected.

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I felt rejected by him.

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I felt rejected by God.

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I felt rejected by pretty

much the whole world.

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And on that day I realized that

the happy endings that other

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people could have weren't for me.

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I wasn't gonna get that.

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Now it took me another four

years or so to the confidence

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to try coming out, uh, again.

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And I was at university at the time and

I came out to some friends at university.

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I'm happy to say the responses were a

bit more positive and it gave me the

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confidence to come out to my parents.

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So I decided in the next holidays,

I would come out to my parents.

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And when they picked me up from the

train station for the Christmas holidays,

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they drove back to the house and every

conversation in the car was about.

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Gay people.

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Gay.

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This gay, our friends sons gay.

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And, and it wasn't me who was

starting that conversation, so

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something was going on and we got

back to the house and I asked my

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mom, I said, what, what's happening?

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What's the, what's all this

conversation about in the car?

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That was weird.

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she said, we know me and your dad,

we, we know, we know you're gay.

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And it's okay.

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We love you.

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I was like, You know, it is like,

like many queer kids, you have

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that fear for years and years

of what your parents will do.

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When they find out are they gonna kick

you out, are they gonna disown you?

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Or you know, the real fear

is for, for many people.

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Mine didn't.

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Now we've certainly had our ups and downs.

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My dad wasn't very comfortable with it

still, and about a year or so later,

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their church got kind of infiltrated

by this weird religious cult from the

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US and they seemed to get amnesia about

their son being gay for six to 12 months.

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But then that went, thankfully

that went and things normalized

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again, wasn't perfect, and there

was still a lot of work to do.

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I think I pretty much decided at

that point that happy endings and

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relationships probably weren't my thing.

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Like my relationship history was

colorful at best, not very successful.

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And that was seemed to be even

more the case when I moved to

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Javier down the coast here.

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And uh, I.

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Javier, but the gay scene, there

is like several old retired

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couples together with the same sex.

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That's pretty much it.

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But I was happy there.

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I made some friends there.

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Some of those friends had special

benefits as well, and I was like, this

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is I, I could spend the rest of my

years like this and I'm pretty happy.

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And then I met someone and.

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Things happened, things blossomed,

and one day my parents drove by and

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they saw him on the terrace of my

apartment and they wanted to meet him.

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So we set up a dinner and they met him.

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And unlike any of my other

boyfriends, they liked him.

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were happy, conversational, they

really enjoyed getting to know him.

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I thought this is so much progress

from anything we've ever had

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before those awkward times where

they'd met previous boyfriends.

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So I was really happy about it.

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Our relationship continued and as

things deepened, we maybe accelerated

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a little bit by Brexit happening.

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We decided to get married and

uh, and so on the, when I, we got

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started to get married, I wanted

to tell all my friends, I wanted

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to tell the family, and I did that.

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And I even told my Spanish

teacher after our class one day.

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She was so excited.

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She wanted to come to the wedding,

and just as we were finishing up the

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class, a few of her friends came up.

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Now I knew them.

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I had done charity work with Pete

and Trish for, uh, about a year or so

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for a, a food bank that they set up.

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so they knew who I was and Lynn couldn't

keep 'em mouth shut, and b, blood it out

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that I was getting married, and their

faces dropped and it was a strange look.

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They acted as if nothing had been said,

and then abruptly changed the subject.

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Okay, well, I guess they're, we're

not inviting them and, I've had

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worse reactions, so, you know,

but I knew that that wasn't great.

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But I also didn't know at the time

that an invisible fuse had been lit and

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that Tricia had decided to take it upon

herself to start a one woman campaign.

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And she started going up to various

people in my parents' church

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who she knew, and taking them

aside for private conversations.

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My dad kind of got the sense that

something was going on, and one of

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the ladies actually came up to him

one day and said that she had been

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going around various people trying

to convince them that my marriage

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was against what God wanted and that

my parents should not be supporting

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it or even coming to my wedding.

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And this lady unknown to Trisha,

had a gay daughter herself and had

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just been to her wedding so she

wasn't very happy about was going on.

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Now, my dad did try and address the

people, and what ended up happening

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was nobody was actually on her side,

but Trisha did actually manage to

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ambush my mom at a lady's coffee

morning, and my mom was so upset.

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She pretty much ran outta there in tears.

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They didn't want to tell me

'cause they were upset or worried

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about me being upset about it.

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I think this was the first time

my mom particularly had ever

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encountered homophobia herself,

had a personal experience of that.

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So it was quite intense for her.

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But they sat me down and they

told me what had gone on.

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And that Tricia had been waging

this campaign to try and stop

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them attending the wedding.

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Now, it would've done more than just

stop them attending the wedding.

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It would've pretty much damaged all the

progress we'd made in our relationship

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and probably irreparably as well.

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But I had worried for years and

years that at some point my parents

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were gonna have to make a choice

between religion and between me.

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And that day I realized that

they had made their decision.

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they'd chosen me and it was really

only at my wedding, on my wedding day

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looking around, seeing all of my friends

and family there, that my parents were

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really being open about who I was.

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Everyone there was there to celebrate us

and our love that I actually got the happy

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ending that I thought I never could have.

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John: Okay, so, uh, what do you think?

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I, I hope that's all.

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I hope that's all come through.

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Okay.

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But that was the story.

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And, uh, I will show with you.

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I'll show with you now.

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The story won.

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I, I was the winner of the

top raconteur of the night and

219

00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:47,750

was pretty happy with that.

220

00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,910

I think it was a great, uh, great story.

221

00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,060

There were bits that could have gone

better, but I just wanna, go through some

222

00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:59,490

of the parts of that story with you so you

can have a, a bit of a sense about some

223

00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:03,840

of some of the different elements that

I was aiming for with the story as well,

224

00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,380

and what bits of it worked, what bits

of it could have worked better as well.

225

00:12:07,983 --> 00:12:10,293

John Ball's screen-1: I wanted

all the stuff you're told to

226

00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:11,643

want when you're a young kid.

227

00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:17,253

I wanted nice house, nice job, nice

family, car, of that good stuff.

228

00:12:17,283 --> 00:12:21,363

But my sexual orientation

had a few other ideas.

229

00:12:21,363 --> 00:12:21,423

I.

230

00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:26,965

John: Now I stop here because one of the

hardest parts of this whole thing for me

231

00:12:27,235 --> 00:12:30,205

was figuring out where to start the story.

232

00:12:30,865 --> 00:12:34,975

And in a lot of storytelling training

that I've done, and you are always

233

00:12:34,975 --> 00:12:37,795

told to, I've, I've been told.

234

00:12:38,015 --> 00:12:41,825

To put in a location, the story

needs a location to start with.

235

00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,405

I didn't start with a location.

236

00:12:44,705 --> 00:12:50,645

If anything, the location was temporal,

uh, of my childhood, my young years.

237

00:12:50,945 --> 00:12:52,355

Very vague, very general.

238

00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,815

But we do get to a location pretty quick.

239

00:12:56,273 --> 00:12:59,458

John Ball's screen-1: And I think

I was probably about 14 years old

240

00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:04,018

by the time that I realized or was

told that God wasn't super fond

241

00:13:04,018 --> 00:13:06,028

of men of the homosexual variety.

242

00:13:07,168 --> 00:13:10,618

However, I stayed with the church at

that time 'cause I kind of figured

243

00:13:10,618 --> 00:13:14,428

if some, if anyone was gonna help me

get rid of this unwanted shame I had.

244

00:13:15,268 --> 00:13:17,188

was surely the very fellow to do that.

245

00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:22,328

And, uh, a few years later, I would

mostly be seen hanging around with

246

00:13:22,328 --> 00:13:24,158

my best Christian friend Marcus.

247

00:13:24,998 --> 00:13:26,708

Marcus was cool.

248

00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:30,998

Marcus charismatic, and Marcus was cute.

249

00:13:31,208 --> 00:13:32,588

And, uh, Marcus.

250

00:13:33,008 --> 00:13:36,518

Marcus smelled really good as

well, which was very unusual

251

00:13:36,518 --> 00:13:37,958

for teenage boys, I guess.

252

00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:43,840

John: Yeah, I, I generally can't help

but go for a few laughs here and there.

253

00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,960

It's the comedian inside me, uh,

and that's always gonna come out.

254

00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:50,730

But, um, I will say this, there's

certainly some more laughs in this, as

255

00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,230

you've already seen from watching through.

256

00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:56,940

But one of the things I found myself

doing, and if you are someone who

257

00:13:56,970 --> 00:14:01,260

tends to go for the joke a lot of

the time, like myself, it's a really

258

00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:02,520

important thing to watch out for.

259

00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:08,310

I was going for the jokes over the story

some of the time, so in editing and the

260

00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:13,050

whole process of creating this, that was

one of the things that I really had to.

261

00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:14,480

Guard against and stuff there.

262

00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:14,900

All right.

263

00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:15,080

Okay.

264

00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:20,420

Some of my jokes had to go, some of

them actually were damaging the story

265

00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,810

and, and changing the atmosphere of it.

266

00:14:23,870 --> 00:14:28,220

Like later on there's a, there was

some jokes about Trisha, the lady

267

00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:31,640

who was like campaigning against

my parents attending my wedding.

268

00:14:32,030 --> 00:14:33,380

Um, that just seemed.

269

00:14:33,845 --> 00:14:36,485

Uh, the, some of the feedback

I got in rehearsals that was

270

00:14:36,485 --> 00:14:37,745

that they seemed kind of nasty.

271

00:14:38,135 --> 00:14:41,975

Uh, and certainly that wasn't my

intention or it made, it, made it

272

00:14:41,975 --> 00:14:45,365

look like perhaps there was still

resentment there, which there isn't.

273

00:14:45,365 --> 00:14:48,455

So, you know, it's all

in the past and moved on.

274

00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:52,745

But this is a critical element with,

uh, two critical things really was

275

00:14:52,745 --> 00:14:57,575

storytelling that I have found in this

process, and certainly not the first

276

00:14:57,575 --> 00:14:59,255

time I've been introduced to these ideas.

277

00:14:59,615 --> 00:15:00,545

But one is that.

278

00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:03,360

The, the story is more

important than the humor.

279

00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,510

If you can add humor in and it fits

well with your story, and sometimes

280

00:15:06,510 --> 00:15:08,160

it's there naturally, then great.

281

00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:13,170

But don't, don't go for humor just

for the sake of going for humor.

282

00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:14,010

Let it be natural.

283

00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:16,410

Let it let it flow as best you can.

284

00:15:16,770 --> 00:15:18,690

And sometimes the jokes will stand out.

285

00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:21,960

The the joke that's coming

up, I'll tell you something

286

00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,040

about that when we get to it.

287

00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:29,240

But the other thing that came up in

this process was very much about I

288

00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:34,670

have not always been a hundred percent

comfortable talking about my sexuality

289

00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:40,340

and my relationships in public, and

so that was a barrier to get past,

290

00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:45,230

and I recognized it was an important

one, that it was something that.

291

00:15:46,625 --> 00:15:49,205

There was no real reason

for me holding myself back.

292

00:15:49,205 --> 00:15:51,995

It's not like I'm ashamed of

who I am or anything like that.

293

00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:56,265

The only thing I could really, ultimately

think that was some that, that pulling

294

00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:59,385

me back in my brain was this thing that

I've kind of grown up with, I guess.

295

00:15:59,385 --> 00:16:03,585

And some of that's a theme in the story

as well, to a degree of caring a little

296

00:16:03,585 --> 00:16:09,075

bit too much about what other people

think of me and the willingness to let

297

00:16:09,075 --> 00:16:16,365

that go creates, created a level of

vulnerability for me that was very, it

298

00:16:16,365 --> 00:16:19,905

was, it was in some ways refreshing, but

it was definitely a bit scary as well.

299

00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:21,795

Alright, let's move on with the story.

300

00:16:22,608 --> 00:16:26,208

John Ball's screen-1: And I guess I was a

bit in love with Marcus, maybe infatuated.

301

00:16:26,208 --> 00:16:30,558

Even one day Marcus called me up

and said, uh, can I come over?

302

00:16:30,558 --> 00:16:31,458

It's really important.

303

00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,918

So I'm like, yeah, okay, sure.

304

00:16:33,918 --> 00:16:34,338

Come over.

305

00:16:35,103 --> 00:16:37,953

to my house and he said, look, is

there somewhere we can go and talk?

306

00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:45,003

So we went to the privacy of my bedroom

and he sat on my bed trembling and said,

307

00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:48,333

I've got a really horrible secret tell.

308

00:16:48,783 --> 00:16:49,413

I'm not sure.

309

00:16:49,473 --> 00:16:50,523

I'm not sure I can say it.

310

00:16:51,663 --> 00:16:55,413

And thought, well, I've got a

horrible secret to share as well.

311

00:16:55,833 --> 00:17:01,623

I wonder if it's the same one,

the same secret that I had been.

312

00:17:02,058 --> 00:17:04,968

Maybe fantasizing about

various times as well.

313

00:17:05,808 --> 00:17:09,348

So I suggested that we both write

our secrets down and swap paper,

314

00:17:09,348 --> 00:17:10,877

and we'd read each other's paper.

315

00:17:10,877 --> 00:17:14,088

So we wrote our secrets down

and he gave me his paper.

316

00:17:14,088 --> 00:17:19,848

I gave him mine and I opened it up and

he said, I'm addicted to masturbation.

317

00:17:23,613 --> 00:17:26,897

A 17-year-old boy addicted to

masturbation ground groundbreaking.

318

00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,000

John: All right, I'm pausing at there.

319

00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:30,690

Now.

320

00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:35,170

That story is almost, count for

count exactly what happened.

321

00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:37,090

I mean, very minor changes.

322

00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:40,000

Nothing that really affects the story,

that is exactly what his piece of

323

00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,740

paper said and all of that stuff.

324

00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:46,060

And, um, so it's, it's a very true story.

325

00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,060

I don't know, I don't really

know how else to put it to you,

326

00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:55,880

but the line about, a teenage boy addicted

to masturbation that didn't come to

327

00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,050

me until the night of the story event.

328

00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:00,650

We sat, sat watching some of the

other storytellers ni course.

329

00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:04,190

As much as you wanna be focused and

present for the other storytellers, I.

330

00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:06,860

If you haven't gone and

performed yet, you're still

331

00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:08,180

thinking about your own story.

332

00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:09,290

I, that's me anyway.

333

00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:10,010

Maybe you as well.

334

00:18:10,010 --> 00:18:13,280

But I think that's pretty natural and

that's where that line came to me is

335

00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:18,920

like, I, I knew that there needed to be

something to, to punctuate the line of a

336

00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,070

teenage boy addicted to masturbation and.

337

00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,350

And I thought there was that thing.

338

00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,160

I trying to think, trying to remember

it, that line that, uh, that Meryl

339

00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,940

Streep had in the Devil West Prada

that just cracked everyone up and

340

00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,170

it's like, what was the word she said?

341

00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,310

Groundbreaking.

342

00:18:34,340 --> 00:18:35,030

That's the word.

343

00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:37,790

That's the punctuation

that, that joke needs.

344

00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,680

And, and it worked.

345

00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:41,480

And it, and it fits in really well.

346

00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:46,610

But this whole event was real and actually

very traumatic for me as a 16-year-old

347

00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:48,230

because I was trying to come out.

348

00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,010

Um, it was a complicated coming out

'cause I was trying to come out to someone

349

00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:58,220

who I was very attracted to and um, and

obviously with religious complications

350

00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,240

where everything else it didn't go well.

351

00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:03,650

But the other aspect of this is

stories do kind of need their villains

352

00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,800

and this story kind of has two.

353

00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:10,880

Marcus is less of the villain because

he was still very young and, and, and

354

00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,240

immature, but still a bit of a villain

because, you know, the, the whole sort

355

00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,600

of turning against me because like, well,

you're gay and I can't be your friend

356

00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,415

if you're a Christian, blah, blah, blah.

357

00:19:19,415 --> 00:19:22,790

Some people might empathize with him

more than me, but, uh, I might might not

358

00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:23,990

see him as the villain at all in that.

359

00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,870

A lot of people will, it's not

necessarily intended that he is,

360

00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:31,290

but he is definitely the antagonist

there rather than the protagonist.

361

00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:35,940

And uh, and I think it is important,

know it's very helpful to have those sort

362

00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:38,730

of delineations in your story as well.

363

00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:42,780

I don't think you again want to ex,

I didn't want to exaggerate that and

364

00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,370

make Marcus into anything he wasn't.

365

00:19:44,370 --> 00:19:45,480

He was a great guy.

366

00:19:46,235 --> 00:19:50,435

In so many ways, and I was very

much, I was infatuated with him

367

00:19:50,435 --> 00:19:54,905

when I was that age, but that

whole situation messed me up.

368

00:19:54,905 --> 00:20:01,175

So, um, but you know, I'm happy to be able

to share that now from a place of having

369

00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:04,955

healed from it and, and it not being, not

really affecting me in the same way now.

370

00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,003

John Ball's screen-1: But is that it?

371

00:20:08,873 --> 00:20:08,933

it?

372

00:20:11,303 --> 00:20:14,903

He opened my paper and they

did not say the same thing.

373

00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:17,783

Mine said, I think I'm gay.

374

00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,718

And he read that and his face dropped.

375

00:20:21,878 --> 00:20:21,998

I.

376

00:20:22,223 --> 00:20:24,713

And he said to me, I don't

think I can be your friend

377

00:20:24,713 --> 00:20:26,183

anymore if you're gonna be gay.

378

00:20:28,313 --> 00:20:33,953

And I guess compulsive masturbation

didn't seem quite so bad at this point.

379

00:20:34,853 --> 00:20:36,653

But, uh, he wanted to pray for me.

380

00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:37,643

I.

381

00:20:37,643 --> 00:20:41,318

To pray the gay away, and

I didn't know what to do.

382

00:20:41,383 --> 00:20:42,308

I, I panicked.

383

00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:44,828

I thought, you know, he might, he could

tell someone, he could tell my parents

384

00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:46,268

he could out me to various people.

385

00:20:47,108 --> 00:20:47,768

I said, okay.

386

00:20:47,858 --> 00:20:49,418

And I let him pray for me.

387

00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:53,678

There were tears and snot and all

the nasty stuff, and, and at some

388

00:20:53,678 --> 00:20:57,188

point I, when I just couldn't take

anymore, I said, look, I, I, I think.

389

00:20:57,533 --> 00:21:01,223

I'm not gay anymore get,

to get him to stop praying

390

00:21:03,378 --> 00:21:05,783

and, well, he didn't know.

391

00:21:06,263 --> 00:21:06,503

So,

392

00:21:08,723 --> 00:21:12,263

and, and so not, the only

thing that really changed that

393

00:21:12,263 --> 00:21:14,093

day was that I felt rejected.

394

00:21:14,153 --> 00:21:15,353

I felt rejected by him.

395

00:21:15,353 --> 00:21:16,558

I felt rejected by God.

396

00:21:16,703 --> 00:21:18,593

I felt rejected by pretty

much the whole world.

397

00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:23,435

John: Um, again, pretty much blow by blow.

398

00:21:23,435 --> 00:21:24,545

That is what happened.

399

00:21:24,545 --> 00:21:28,145

That was the, as best I, as

best as I remember it, memory

400

00:21:28,145 --> 00:21:29,765

being a pretty fallible thing.

401

00:21:29,765 --> 00:21:34,385

I know that's pretty much my

memory of that whole event.

402

00:21:34,805 --> 00:21:37,505

Um, certainly didn't have the discourse

going on in my head about that

403

00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:41,855

time of, uh, um, you know, I wasn't

making jokes in my head about what

404

00:21:41,855 --> 00:21:42,965

he was saying or anything like that.

405

00:21:43,025 --> 00:21:44,315

At that time, I was.

406

00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:50,155

Really, uh, scared, really scared that

I was gonna be outed to my, my family,

407

00:21:50,155 --> 00:21:53,065

to the church and this whole community.

408

00:21:53,065 --> 00:21:55,675

I might actually get kicked outta

this whole community that I was in.

409

00:21:56,155 --> 00:21:58,315

That did happen years, a few years later.

410

00:21:58,315 --> 00:22:00,835

But not for those reasons,

interestingly enough.

411

00:22:01,225 --> 00:22:01,945

And, um.

412

00:22:02,630 --> 00:22:06,440

There, there was so much more that

I really wanted to say here, and it

413

00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:11,750

had to be paired down, and I had to

really decide quite early on what the

414

00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:15,350

point, what the whole purpose of the

story was, like the themes, deadlines,

415

00:22:15,350 --> 00:22:18,770

but I didn't want the whole story to

be like a countdown or a deadline.

416

00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:24,290

It just features, features, some deadline

elements in it that, that relate to it.

417

00:22:24,290 --> 00:22:28,040

So it was almost tangential

to some degree, the theme of

418

00:22:28,045 --> 00:22:29,300

the, the theme of the night.

419

00:22:29,995 --> 00:22:32,895

But, I initially wanted the story

to kind of be about too many things.

420

00:22:32,895 --> 00:22:35,445

I was trying to make it really

clever that it was gonna work

421

00:22:35,445 --> 00:22:36,945

on all these multiple levels.

422

00:22:36,945 --> 00:22:39,825

And, you know, I think we were

gonna have a big focus in on

423

00:22:39,885 --> 00:22:41,475

Brexit being the countdown.

424

00:22:41,475 --> 00:22:44,125

And that was the thing that, sparked

the marriage and stuff like that.

425

00:22:44,125 --> 00:22:48,715

But there wasn't enough emotion to it and,

and there wasn't enough purpose to it.

426

00:22:48,715 --> 00:22:52,745

And, and then it was gonna be,

well, is the story about me not

427

00:22:52,745 --> 00:22:56,675

really caring about getting married

when I was younger and kind.

428

00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,745

Of pushing all that away from me.

429

00:22:58,745 --> 00:23:02,645

And then at some point later in my life,

meeting someone who made me want that and

430

00:23:02,645 --> 00:23:07,025

recognizing, actually, this is important

after all, which I think the, the title of

431

00:23:07,025 --> 00:23:11,975

the talk that, uh, that Oki has put in is

not what I called the talk, but it does.

432

00:23:12,345 --> 00:23:15,855

It does allude to that, to do

I want to get married or not?

433

00:23:15,885 --> 00:23:19,905

And it wasn't ever really about, I mean,

this, this story wasn't about that for me.

434

00:23:20,115 --> 00:23:24,015

I just didn't care about marriage

and uh, that just ended up not

435

00:23:24,015 --> 00:23:25,245

really fitting into the story.

436

00:23:25,245 --> 00:23:27,045

So I had to pull all that stuff out.

437

00:23:27,465 --> 00:23:30,255

So, so initially it was gonna

be a much bigger focus on

438

00:23:30,255 --> 00:23:31,575

Brexit, the thing that sort of.

439

00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,300

We got engaged on the day the

Brexit result was announced.

440

00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:36,460

All of that stuff had to

be pulled out of the story.

441

00:23:36,490 --> 00:23:42,520

'cause I ended up deciding that it was

more important that it was about, um,

442

00:23:42,730 --> 00:23:45,190

my whole journey to a happy ending.

443

00:23:45,940 --> 00:23:50,200

That being someone who was who, who

got to a point in life where they

444

00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,660

believed that that couldn't be for me.

445

00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:57,340

And having that transformation to

someone who like, not only can it

446

00:23:57,340 --> 00:23:59,140

be for me, it is, and here it is.

447

00:23:59,140 --> 00:24:00,280

Here's that happy ending.

448

00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:01,570

Okay.

449

00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:03,520

Say Happy ever after is not a fairytale.

450

00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:08,110

Like life, life goes on, still married,

still very happy, all of that good stuff.

451

00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:12,080

We are not talking fairytales here,

but that was, to some degree it was,

452

00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:17,450

it was a happy ending in terms of

ending a, a conclusion of a question.

453

00:24:17,475 --> 00:24:21,135

That was in my life of

am I allowed to be happy?

454

00:24:21,215 --> 00:24:24,485

Am I allowed to have the

happiness and the acceptance?

455

00:24:25,405 --> 00:24:31,165

And the joy that other people have,

that straight people have, and no

456

00:24:31,165 --> 00:24:36,385

one questions it that often people

do question and, and even try and

457

00:24:36,385 --> 00:24:40,450

stop for, for queer people, I.

458

00:24:40,450 --> 00:24:45,740

And that ends up being the question that

gets asked in this story more, more than

459

00:24:45,740 --> 00:24:49,490

anything else, which is why, which is what

led me to think, okay, well I think the

460

00:24:49,490 --> 00:24:52,610

next thing to focus in on is that, well,

we bring my parents into that because

461

00:24:52,610 --> 00:24:56,330

they weren't, they weren't antagonists

as much as the relationship with them

462

00:24:56,330 --> 00:24:57,860

has been complicated over the years.

463

00:24:59,065 --> 00:24:59,690

It is good.

464

00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,100

We have a great relationship now, and it

didn't get damaged in this whole event.

465

00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:07,940

I didn't want that to be the case, but

I recognized that there was another

466

00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,620

villain to bring into the story.

467

00:25:09,950 --> 00:25:13,860

And, she wasn't even initially

gonna be a very significant part

468

00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:18,375

of the story, but then I recognized

that there was a deadline there.

469

00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:21,165

Like she and I probably could have

made more of this in the story.

470

00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:29,295

She only had a limited amount of time

to try and derail my wedding, derail and

471

00:25:29,295 --> 00:25:33,285

to try and convince my parents that they

shouldn't attend or support the wedding.

472

00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:38,205

And, uh, so that, so the clock

had been started and little did

473

00:25:38,205 --> 00:25:40,065

we know, but we found out for it.

474

00:25:40,230 --> 00:25:44,520

John Ball's screen-1: And on that day

I realized that the happy endings that

475

00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,350

other people could have weren't for me.

476

00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,590

I wasn't gonna get that now.

477

00:25:50,250 --> 00:25:51,780

It took me another four years or so.

478

00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:56,280

To get the confidence to try

coming out, uh, again, and I was at

479

00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,980

university at the time and I came

out to some friends at university.

480

00:25:59,370 --> 00:26:04,020

I'm happy to say the responses were

a bit more positive it gave me the

481

00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:05,610

confidence to come out to my parents.

482

00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:08,970

So I decided in the next holidays,

I would come out to my parents.

483

00:26:08,970 --> 00:26:12,870

And when they picked me up from

the train station for the Christmas

484

00:26:12,870 --> 00:26:16,110

holidays, they drove back to the

house and every conversation in

485

00:26:16,110 --> 00:26:18,370

the car was about gay people.

486

00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:19,095

Gay this, gay that.

487

00:26:19,095 --> 00:26:22,905

Our friends sons gay and, and it wasn't

me who was starting that conversation.

488

00:26:22,905 --> 00:26:28,395

So something was going on and we

got back to the house and I asked my

489

00:26:28,435 --> 00:26:30,225

Mum, I said, what, what's happening?

490

00:26:30,225 --> 00:26:32,175

What's the, what's all this

conversation about in the car?

491

00:26:32,175 --> 00:26:32,685

That was weird.

492

00:26:33,495 --> 00:26:34,605

she said, we know.

493

00:26:34,895 --> 00:26:38,255

Me and your dad, we, we know, we

know you're gay and it's okay.

494

00:26:38,315 --> 00:26:38,825

We love you.

495

00:26:39,005 --> 00:26:43,655

I like You know, it is like, like many

queer kids, you have that fear for years

496

00:26:43,655 --> 00:26:46,535

and years of what your parents will do

when they find out are they gonna kick

497

00:26:46,535 --> 00:26:48,395

you out, are they gonna disown you?

498

00:26:48,395 --> 00:26:52,445

Or, you know, the real fears for,

for many people, and mine didn't.

499

00:26:53,175 --> 00:26:55,785

Now we've certainly had our ups and downs.

500

00:26:55,785 --> 00:27:00,075

My dad wasn't very comfortable with it

still, and a year or so later, their

501

00:27:00,075 --> 00:27:05,985

church got kind of infiltrated by this

weird religious cult from the US and

502

00:27:06,045 --> 00:27:10,155

they seemed to get amnesia about their

son being gay for six to 12 months.

503

00:27:10,155 --> 00:27:14,235

But then that went, thankfully that

went and things normalized again.

504

00:27:16,141 --> 00:27:20,251

John: Now all that there is is very true

again and, and really it's just there to

505

00:27:20,251 --> 00:27:24,481

give a bit of context to the relationship

with, with my parents, to give you a

506

00:27:24,481 --> 00:27:27,481

bit of experience of these are some of

the things that actually we, we went

507

00:27:27,481 --> 00:27:32,101

through on journey to having something

of a normal, healthy relationship.

508

00:27:32,401 --> 00:27:35,761

So it felt like they made sense to be

there, but something, I missed something

509

00:27:35,761 --> 00:27:40,891

out here in the talk, which was my

own fault for just, just forgetting

510

00:27:40,891 --> 00:27:45,291

about it, that at this point I was

also going to drop in a line of that.

511

00:27:45,291 --> 00:27:50,211

I recognized here that even with the

progress we made, I still felt that there

512

00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:53,751

was gonna be some point in the journey

with my parents where they were probably

513

00:27:53,751 --> 00:27:58,451

gonna have to make a decision between

the church and between their son, which

514

00:27:58,451 --> 00:28:01,691

would've been a much stronger callback

when we come back to that later on.

515

00:28:01,691 --> 00:28:05,831

So, no, I was a bit sad that I missed

out in the story there, but it, uh,

516

00:28:05,861 --> 00:28:07,331

hopefully doesn't take away too much.

517

00:28:07,555 --> 00:28:09,600

John Ball's screen-1: It wasn't perfect

and there was still a lot of work to do

518

00:28:12,005 --> 00:28:12,065

now.

519

00:28:12,325 --> 00:28:15,745

I think I pretty much decided at

that point that happy endings and

520

00:28:15,745 --> 00:28:17,125

relationships probably weren't my thing.

521

00:28:17,125 --> 00:28:21,505

Like my relationship history was

colorful at best, not very successful.

522

00:28:22,495 --> 00:28:26,015

And that was seemed to be even

more the case when I moved to Javea

523

00:28:26,035 --> 00:28:29,705

down the coast here and, uh, Javea.

524

00:28:29,725 --> 00:28:33,295

But the gay scene there is like

several old retired couples

525

00:28:33,865 --> 00:28:35,155

lived together with the same sex.

526

00:28:35,155 --> 00:28:35,845

That's pretty much it.

527

00:28:36,981 --> 00:28:37,251

John: Okay.

528

00:28:37,581 --> 00:28:40,671

That joke was supposed to be

a joke and it didn't work.

529

00:28:40,671 --> 00:28:43,281

It very flat, but it

didn't damage anything.

530

00:28:43,281 --> 00:28:44,391

It still kept things going.

531

00:28:44,721 --> 00:28:47,211

This is the good thing about when

you're storytelling, you don't

532

00:28:47,211 --> 00:28:48,561

have to be the standup comedian.

533

00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:50,211

Not everything has to be a laugh.

534

00:28:50,601 --> 00:28:53,241

Um, we, we swept over that.

535

00:28:53,241 --> 00:28:56,241

I think possibly people did

realize it was meant to be funny.

536

00:28:56,581 --> 00:28:58,951

I had been playing with that

joke and hadn't found the

537

00:28:58,951 --> 00:29:00,091

right way to make it work.

538

00:29:00,181 --> 00:29:01,831

Uh, so it still needs a bit of work.

539

00:29:01,831 --> 00:29:02,161

That one.

540

00:29:02,645 --> 00:29:03,250

John Ball's screen-1: I was happy there.

541

00:29:03,250 --> 00:29:04,540

I made some friends there.

542

00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,850

Some of those friends had

special benefits as well.

543

00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,850

I was like, this is I, I could

spend the rest of my years

544

00:29:10,150 --> 00:29:11,440

like this and I'm pretty happy.

545

00:29:12,610 --> 00:29:19,180

And then I met someone and things

happened, things blossomed, and

546

00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:22,180

one day my parents drove by and

they saw him on the terrace of my

547

00:29:22,180 --> 00:29:24,280

apartment and they wanted to meet him.

548

00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:25,810

So we set up a dinner and they met him.

549

00:29:25,810 --> 00:29:29,740

And unlike any of my other

boyfriends, they liked him.

550

00:29:30,580 --> 00:29:34,180

were happy, conversational, they

really enjoyed getting to know him.

551

00:29:34,930 --> 00:29:38,200

thought this is so much progress

from anything we've ever had before.

552

00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:38,350

There's.

553

00:29:39,316 --> 00:29:43,246

John: Now, lemme be clear, my, my

parents had been very civil with

554

00:29:43,246 --> 00:29:48,226

previous boyfriends, but never

particularly warm or close with them.

555

00:29:48,466 --> 00:29:52,666

So it, it, this was a big difference,

but I don't, you just can't spend

556

00:29:52,666 --> 00:29:55,966

too much time in your story making

these distinctions or giving too much

557

00:29:55,971 --> 00:29:59,836

clarity on this stuff that you might

do when you're less time restricted

558

00:30:00,436 --> 00:30:03,646

or when you're really trying to, when

you're really trying to give just the

559

00:30:04,026 --> 00:30:08,046

the essentials of the story so that

people get where we're going with

560

00:30:08,046 --> 00:30:09,396

this and what we're talking about.

561

00:30:09,846 --> 00:30:10,356

Um.

562

00:30:11,556 --> 00:30:15,416

But hopefully you also see at this

point, this was the turning part

563

00:30:15,416 --> 00:30:19,986

of the story where we start to move

into, the transformation elements.

564

00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:23,316

Like, okay, well lots of things are

changing, things are shifting, and

565

00:30:23,316 --> 00:30:26,706

there's a big development there of the

relationship, the new relationship.

566

00:30:26,706 --> 00:30:29,226

The parents love him, um, I love him.

567

00:30:29,316 --> 00:30:33,126

Uh, all these kinds of things that

start to take us on a little bit of a

568

00:30:33,126 --> 00:30:35,466

different path to the per, to the guy who.

569

00:30:35,716 --> 00:30:38,996

It was just kind of settling

for a few friends and friends

570

00:30:38,996 --> 00:30:40,046

with benefits along the way.

571

00:30:40,376 --> 00:30:44,756

Again, that joke didn't quite work the way

I was going for as well, but, uh, okay.

572

00:30:44,816 --> 00:30:46,466

Not all about the jokes, right?

573

00:30:46,796 --> 00:30:49,526

Um, and maybe I shouldn't have even

been going for a joke with that.

574

00:30:50,371 --> 00:30:55,501

But, um, but that was the, that was the

changing point of the story, where it

575

00:30:55,501 --> 00:31:00,541

moves from, okay, this guy is no longer,

um, someone who's not heading toward a

576

00:31:00,541 --> 00:31:04,441

happy ending or, or to the happy ending

he really wants, or that other people

577

00:31:04,441 --> 00:31:06,541

can have heading to something different.

578

00:31:06,541 --> 00:31:07,711

Something else is going on here.

579

00:31:08,210 --> 00:31:11,065

John Ball's screen-1: Awkward times

where they'd met previous boyfriends,

580

00:31:11,425 --> 00:31:12,715

so I was really happy about it.

581

00:31:13,135 --> 00:31:14,335

Our relationship continued.

582

00:31:14,335 --> 00:31:18,925

And as things deepened, we

maybe accelerated a little

583

00:31:18,925 --> 00:31:20,275

bit by Brexit happening.

584

00:31:20,275 --> 00:31:21,355

We decided to get married.

585

00:31:23,416 --> 00:31:26,891

John: So Brexit only gets a mention now,

whereas a big part of the story before.

586

00:31:27,905 --> 00:31:29,345

John Ball's screen-1: And so on.

587

00:31:29,345 --> 00:31:31,325

The, when I, we got started to

get married, I wanted to tell

588

00:31:31,325 --> 00:31:33,275

all my friends, I wanted to

tell the family, and I did that.

589

00:31:33,545 --> 00:31:39,125

And I even told my Spanish teacher our

class one day, and she was so excited.

590

00:31:39,125 --> 00:31:42,125

She wanted to come to the wedding,

and just as we were finishing up the

591

00:31:42,125 --> 00:31:43,625

class, a few of her friends came up.

592

00:31:44,015 --> 00:31:45,005

Now I knew them.

593

00:31:45,095 --> 00:31:47,705

I had done charity work

with Pete and Trish for.

594

00:31:48,455 --> 00:31:52,085

Uh, about a year or so for a,

a food bank that they set up.

595

00:31:52,565 --> 00:31:55,925

And so they knew who I was and Lynn

couldn't keep her mouth shut and blurted

596

00:31:55,925 --> 00:32:01,355

out that I was getting married and their

faces dropped and it was a strange look.

597

00:32:01,475 --> 00:32:05,765

They acted as if nothing had been said,

and then abruptly changed the subject.

598

00:32:06,905 --> 00:32:11,675

Okay, well, I guess they're, we're

not inviting them and, uh, I've

599

00:32:11,675 --> 00:32:14,675

had worse reactions, so, you know,

but I knew that that wasn't great.

600

00:32:14,675 --> 00:32:19,175

But I also didn't know at the time

that an invisible fuse had been lit.

601

00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:20,296

John: Mm-hmm.

602

00:32:21,526 --> 00:32:25,156

Which is true and, and it really was

only looking back and thinking on it

603

00:32:25,186 --> 00:32:30,556

that is like that as I was thinking about

this story and Lynn wasn't, my Spanish

604

00:32:30,556 --> 00:32:31,936

teacher was not gonna be in it at all.

605

00:32:32,266 --> 00:32:33,916

So we, but I had to bring that in.

606

00:32:33,916 --> 00:32:36,466

'cause that whole scene where.

607

00:32:36,826 --> 00:32:40,876

Um, Pete and Trish came into, um, my

Spanish lessons used to be in this

608

00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:42,976

bar in, in the old town where I lived.

609

00:32:43,396 --> 00:32:47,236

And um, and they came into the

bar and they came up to see Lynn

610

00:32:47,266 --> 00:32:48,226

'cause they knew her really well.

611

00:32:48,736 --> 00:32:51,976

Um, there was a whole conversation

about do I use their actual names?

612

00:32:51,976 --> 00:32:54,231

Well, I mean, Pete's passed on.

613

00:32:54,231 --> 00:32:57,321

So he no longer cares, I'm

sure, but Trish is still alive.

614

00:32:57,321 --> 00:32:59,751

But it was like, well, are people

gonna be able to identify them?

615

00:32:59,751 --> 00:33:00,351

Maybe.

616

00:33:00,831 --> 00:33:04,141

But, there was a joke that I

cut out that seemed a bit mean.

617

00:33:04,401 --> 00:33:07,791

something along the lines of, uh, so

this lady, let's call her Trish, because

618

00:33:07,791 --> 00:33:09,566

she doesn't deserve an anonymity.

619

00:33:10,461 --> 00:33:13,671

That was a line that might, some

feedback I got from, from Oki and

620

00:33:13,671 --> 00:33:17,001

others was that it seemed like there

was still some resentment there that

621

00:33:17,001 --> 00:33:20,811

that seemed kind of like, uh, I'm not

gonna give you her real name because she

622

00:33:20,811 --> 00:33:22,881

doesn't, uh, she doesn't deserve better.

623

00:33:23,391 --> 00:33:25,821

And so it's like, well, we took all

that out, but do I still use that?

624

00:33:25,821 --> 00:33:27,051

Do I still use the real names?

625

00:33:27,051 --> 00:33:28,971

I didn't really see any reason not to.

626

00:33:29,361 --> 00:33:33,221

Um, it's not a way of me trying to

be vindictive or anything like that.

627

00:33:33,221 --> 00:33:36,311

It was just, this is the story

and this is what happened.

628

00:33:36,311 --> 00:33:40,661

And um, I don't think anyone can

really object to the situation.

629

00:33:40,691 --> 00:33:44,231

And if anything, there's a lot

that I left out that certainly

630

00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:45,911

made her look far worse.

631

00:33:45,911 --> 00:33:47,141

So here we go.

632

00:33:48,045 --> 00:33:50,865

John Ball's screen-1: And that Tricia

had decided to take it upon herself

633

00:33:50,865 --> 00:33:52,635

to start a one woman campaign.

634

00:33:54,405 --> 00:33:57,555

And she started going up to various

people in my parents' church

635

00:33:57,555 --> 00:34:02,265

who she knew and taking them

aside for private conversations.

636

00:34:03,765 --> 00:34:07,455

And my dad kind of got the sense that

something was going on, and one of

637

00:34:07,455 --> 00:34:10,755

the ladies actually came up to him

one day and said that she had been

638

00:34:10,755 --> 00:34:14,835

going around various people trying

to convince them that my marriage

639

00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:19,514

was against what God wanted and that

my parents should not be supporting

640

00:34:19,514 --> 00:34:21,315

it or even coming to my wedding.

641

00:34:22,949 --> 00:34:25,080

And this lady

642

00:34:25,286 --> 00:34:28,856

John: You can't see it here, but

there were shocked looks on people's

643

00:34:28,856 --> 00:34:30,386

faces in the audience at this point.

644

00:34:30,810 --> 00:34:34,409

John Ball's screen-1: unknown to Tricia,

had a gay daughter herself and had just

645

00:34:34,409 --> 00:34:39,900

been to her wedding as well, so she

wasn't very happy about was going on.

646

00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,360

Now, my dad did try and address the

people, and what ended up happening was

647

00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,159

nobody was actually on her side, but.

648

00:34:48,014 --> 00:34:51,614

Trisha did actually manage to

ambush my mum at a lady's coffee

649

00:34:51,614 --> 00:34:54,764

morning, and my mum was so upset.

650

00:34:54,764 --> 00:34:56,925

She pretty much ran outta there in tears.

651

00:34:57,795 --> 00:35:00,195

They didn't want to tell me

'cause they were upset or worried

652

00:35:00,195 --> 00:35:01,815

about me being upset about it.

653

00:35:02,955 --> 00:35:05,775

I think this was the first time

my mum particularly had ever

654

00:35:05,775 --> 00:35:09,795

encountered homophobia herself,

had a personal experience of that,

655

00:35:10,605 --> 00:35:12,225

so it was quite intense for her.

656

00:35:13,755 --> 00:35:18,405

But they sat me down and they told

me what had gone on and that Tricia

657

00:35:18,405 --> 00:35:21,765

had been waging this campaign to try

and stop them attending the wedding.

658

00:35:22,455 --> 00:35:25,245

Now, it would've done more than just

stop them attending the wedding.

659

00:35:25,245 --> 00:35:28,305

It would've pretty much damaged

all the progress we'd made in our

660

00:35:28,305 --> 00:35:30,615

relationship and probably irreparably as.

661

00:35:31,046 --> 00:35:33,386

John: And the words that I'm

missing here is had she been

662

00:35:33,386 --> 00:35:36,746

successful and kind of important.

663

00:35:37,706 --> 00:35:40,646

So a pain that I missed that

out, but I think the message

664

00:35:40,646 --> 00:35:41,726

still got across luckily.

665

00:35:42,075 --> 00:35:46,245

John Ball's screen-1: As well, but I had

worried for years and years that at some

666

00:35:46,245 --> 00:35:50,505

point my parents were gonna have to make

a choice between religion and between

667

00:35:50,625 --> 00:35:58,425

me and that day I realized that they had

made their decision and they chosen me.

668

00:35:58,425 --> 00:35:58,515

Mm-hmm.

669

00:35:59,895 --> 00:36:05,205

And it was really only at my

wedding, on my wedding day looking

670

00:36:05,205 --> 00:36:08,865

around, seeing all of my friends and

family there, that my parents were

671

00:36:08,865 --> 00:36:11,025

really being open about who I was.

672

00:36:11,025 --> 00:36:16,155

Everyone there was there to celebrate us

and our love that I actually got the happy

673

00:36:16,155 --> 00:36:17,805

ending that I thought I never could have.

674

00:36:21,441 --> 00:36:22,431

John: Okay.

675

00:36:22,711 --> 00:36:24,751

Is that just for your information?

676

00:36:24,751 --> 00:36:28,111

My husband was in the audience at

the time as well, came to support

677

00:36:28,116 --> 00:36:30,916

me and, with several of our friends

as well, some of them who were

678

00:36:30,916 --> 00:36:32,236

actually at our wedding as well.

679

00:36:32,626 --> 00:36:36,616

And, he liked the story and certainly

there was nothing in there objectionable.

680

00:36:36,976 --> 00:36:40,006

One of the things that I missed out, and

I'm not upset about this necessarily,

681

00:36:40,006 --> 00:36:43,096

but at the end there was this whole

confrontational thing with Trisha, which

682

00:36:43,096 --> 00:36:48,186

was, really where I, I faced up to her

and asked what was going on and said

683

00:36:48,186 --> 00:36:49,686

that I was aware of what she was doing.

684

00:36:49,686 --> 00:36:52,656

My parents had told me what she'd

said to my mom and what she'd said to

685

00:36:52,656 --> 00:36:53,916

other people at my parents' church.

686

00:36:54,246 --> 00:36:58,726

And she had denied everything

and they even even said, who am

687

00:36:58,726 --> 00:37:00,506

I gonna believe her or my Mum?

688

00:37:00,526 --> 00:37:02,026

It was like, well, my Mum obviously.

689

00:37:02,416 --> 00:37:05,956

So, um, that seemed like a funny

bit to go in there and it was

690

00:37:05,956 --> 00:37:07,906

kind of closure of that situation.

691

00:37:07,906 --> 00:37:11,386

But it's closed anyway,

like she'd already lost.

692

00:37:11,386 --> 00:37:12,106

My parents had.

693

00:37:12,706 --> 00:37:14,566

Not chosen to go that path.

694

00:37:14,596 --> 00:37:17,386

No one in the church had

supported that either.

695

00:37:17,786 --> 00:37:20,966

Because I think that would've

caused, undoubtedly caused, would've

696

00:37:20,966 --> 00:37:24,146

caused issues for my parents

as well, which it already did.

697

00:37:24,146 --> 00:37:25,826

Even with, even with that friendship.

698

00:37:25,856 --> 00:37:29,186

'cause she had been, her and her husband

had been friends with my parents.

699

00:37:29,636 --> 00:37:31,106

For several years as well.

700

00:37:31,526 --> 00:37:34,286

So undoubtedly there, there

was more good ness there.

701

00:37:34,526 --> 00:37:36,296

But it makes me think of something.

702

00:37:36,386 --> 00:37:40,016

When I was talking to Judy Carter,

uh, some episodes back, uh, we were

703

00:37:40,016 --> 00:37:43,716

talking about standup comedy and, one

of the things that she says in her new

704

00:37:43,716 --> 00:37:50,241

comedy Bible book is that even on a

open mic night where a lot of comics

705

00:37:50,241 --> 00:37:54,921

will go up on stage with their notepad,

uh, with, you know, the, or cue cards

706

00:37:54,921 --> 00:37:57,831

of things of jokes they've written,

she says, not maybe don't do that.

707

00:37:57,831 --> 00:38:00,651

Maybe try and do it without

that because you're not gonna

708

00:38:00,651 --> 00:38:02,271

necessarily remember everything.

709

00:38:02,271 --> 00:38:05,061

But probably a lot of the stuff

that you'll end up forgetting,

710

00:38:05,811 --> 00:38:08,931

shouldn't be in there anyway, or

doesn't need to be in there anyway.

711

00:38:08,961 --> 00:38:13,291

So take a walk and practice your talk or

your, your, your routine or your bit in

712

00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:17,651

your head, uh, whilst you're walking, but

without the cue cards, without the notes.

713

00:38:17,941 --> 00:38:20,941

Because if you forget those bits,

then you do have to question,

714

00:38:21,001 --> 00:38:22,321

do they belong there anyway?

715

00:38:22,321 --> 00:38:23,941

Can the story still work without them?

716

00:38:24,301 --> 00:38:27,331

So as much as I think when I, when I had

finished the story, I was like, oh yeah,

717

00:38:27,331 --> 00:38:29,761

I missed that out, watching it back.

718

00:38:30,451 --> 00:38:33,961

I, I see that it probably

doesn't need to be there.

719

00:38:33,991 --> 00:38:38,761

I'm not sure it really adds enough to, to

stick it back in if I tell that, should

720

00:38:38,761 --> 00:38:41,251

I tell that story again in the future?

721

00:38:41,791 --> 00:38:45,511

But the conclusion is that, well,

where, where do we land with this story?

722

00:38:45,601 --> 00:38:46,711

And that's what we have to think about.

723

00:38:46,711 --> 00:38:47,341

Where do we land?

724

00:38:47,351 --> 00:38:52,661

Someone who is being, to some degree

barred from having a happy ending in

725

00:38:52,661 --> 00:38:54,811

their life, to , a happy love life story.

726

00:38:56,011 --> 00:39:00,061

Discovers that that's no longer the case,

and that that is actually available.

727

00:39:00,361 --> 00:39:03,731

And, not only is it possible,

but it's actually happened.

728

00:39:04,451 --> 00:39:07,991

So this is why I felt it was important

that the end scene was the wedding,

729

00:39:08,411 --> 00:39:09,851

that the decision had been made.

730

00:39:09,851 --> 00:39:12,401

The, the, the wedding was

there, the family were there,

731

00:39:12,406 --> 00:39:13,601

and my parents were there.

732

00:39:14,051 --> 00:39:17,561

Um, no longer caring about

what people thought about them.

733

00:39:17,921 --> 00:39:23,021

Um, fully accepting, fully open, like the

whole family there, my family, his family,

734

00:39:23,021 --> 00:39:27,581

all there supporting us and, and just

feeling love and family and connection.

735

00:39:28,421 --> 00:39:32,951

Um, these are all things, all things that

I just thought were never gonna happen.

736

00:39:33,001 --> 00:39:37,291

So hopefully that gives you a good

understanding of how this story

737

00:39:37,291 --> 00:39:42,781

came together and maybe some of the

challenges of creating it, and also some

738

00:39:42,781 --> 00:39:45,601

of the things that maybe didn't go as

perfectly as they could of on the night.

739

00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:47,671

Uh, I will be going back to.

740

00:39:47,836 --> 00:39:52,786

Collect my award for top raconteur

of the night at the next story

741

00:39:52,786 --> 00:39:56,146

event and I will be telling a

short opening story there as well.

742

00:39:56,176 --> 00:40:00,586

I'll record that too and I'll share

that with you near the time as well.

743

00:40:02,041 --> 00:40:05,851

But let's, but let's close things off

there if you haven't already checked out

744

00:40:05,851 --> 00:40:08,581

my episode with Keith Kong from this week.

745

00:40:08,581 --> 00:40:13,861

Uh, Keith is a famous mentalist winner

of Penn and Teller's Fool Me Show.

746

00:40:13,861 --> 00:40:16,891

If you've ever seen that TV show

with Penn and Teller, um, Keith

747

00:40:16,891 --> 00:40:19,671

won that show with his mentalism.

748

00:40:19,671 --> 00:40:20,661

He's that good.

749

00:40:20,901 --> 00:40:23,271

He's, he's won other accolades as well.

750

00:40:23,271 --> 00:40:26,691

He's performed in all

sorts of wonderful places.

751

00:40:26,991 --> 00:40:30,471

He's got lots of exciting things coming

up, but he shared some great insights

752

00:40:30,471 --> 00:40:36,441

into how Mentalism works, how he

constructs his acts for engagement and

753

00:40:36,441 --> 00:40:40,971

flow and excitement, and making sure

that his performances are memorable.

754

00:40:41,401 --> 00:40:44,131

All stuff that, you know, you

don't need to be a mentalist or

755

00:40:44,131 --> 00:40:45,091

a comedian to make this work.

756

00:40:45,121 --> 00:40:47,221

This is stuff that's really

valuable for speakers and

757

00:40:47,221 --> 00:40:49,471

communicators, so go and watch that.

758

00:40:49,471 --> 00:40:53,491

It's already one of my most downloaded

complete episodes on YouTube.

759

00:40:53,731 --> 00:40:57,181

I would say it's probably one of the

top episodes I've put out recently

760

00:40:57,481 --> 00:41:02,521

that within, within 24 hours of

publishing, um, it has more downloads

761

00:41:02,521 --> 00:41:06,391

than just about any other full length

interview video that I've put out there.

762

00:41:06,391 --> 00:41:10,381

So I do reckon that's worth

going and checking out as well.

763

00:41:10,391 --> 00:41:12,611

The link to the YouTube video

will be available to you as well.

764

00:41:12,661 --> 00:41:15,031

Or just come and search for

present influence on YouTube.

765

00:41:15,081 --> 00:41:19,611

You'll see the channel is there as well

as lots of other videos and shorts.

766

00:41:19,611 --> 00:41:24,141

Make sure you subscribe, leave some

comments and likes and, uh, 'cause that

767

00:41:24,141 --> 00:41:25,911

helps other people to find it as well.

768

00:41:26,271 --> 00:41:27,321

And come and join me next time.

769

00:41:27,321 --> 00:41:29,271

I, I haven't yet decided.

770

00:41:29,931 --> 00:41:35,131

Which interview I'm gonna be bringing to

you next week, because there are sometimes

771

00:41:35,131 --> 00:41:40,261

shows that get recorded that don't make

it to publication, and the decision is

772

00:41:40,261 --> 00:41:43,321

always one of, would I listen to that.

773

00:41:43,401 --> 00:41:48,021

If I was in your position as the listener

to this show, would I listen to that?

774

00:41:48,251 --> 00:41:49,601

And that's the decision I make.

775

00:41:49,601 --> 00:41:53,201

So I will be playing back some of

these episodes that I have in the

776

00:41:53,201 --> 00:41:57,221

bank this weekend and deciding

which one is the right next

777

00:41:57,221 --> 00:41:59,531

episode to bring to you next week.

778

00:41:59,531 --> 00:42:00,941

So I hope you'll come

and join me for that.

779

00:42:00,941 --> 00:42:02,921

I will make sure it's a good one for you.

780

00:42:03,281 --> 00:42:08,861

I am lining up some new guests,

bringing back hopefully an amazing

781

00:42:08,861 --> 00:42:11,801

guest as well, who's been on the show

a couple of times, friend of the show.

782

00:42:12,221 --> 00:42:13,781

Um, we will be bringing him back.

783

00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:17,891

I'll announce that near the time

once we've recorded and, um.

784

00:42:17,966 --> 00:42:23,276

Certainly, but again, another one of my

most downloaded guests ever having been

785

00:42:23,276 --> 00:42:24,536

on the show, so you won't wanna miss it.

786

00:42:25,496 --> 00:42:27,806

All right, so if you're not already

subscribed to the show, please make

787

00:42:27,806 --> 00:42:32,126

sure you're following me on your

podcast app or on YouTube and, wherever

788

00:42:32,126 --> 00:42:34,796

you're going, whatever you're doing,

have an amazing rest of your day.

789

00:42:35,216 --> 00:42:36,746

Hey, follow Oki as well.

790

00:42:36,746 --> 00:42:38,096

Follow En Route storytelling.

791

00:42:38,366 --> 00:42:40,916

Go and check out some of the other

stories from that night and other

792

00:42:40,916 --> 00:42:42,416

nights for the on reach storytelling.

793

00:42:42,806 --> 00:42:46,946

And if you're in the Valencia,

Madrid, or Barcelona areas.

794

00:42:47,261 --> 00:42:51,701

Where Oki is doing these events and

workshops do go and check them out.

795

00:42:51,751 --> 00:42:54,781

They're very cheap to

attend, and a lot of fun.

796

00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:57,921

And at the very least, you're gonna

hear some amazing stories and maybe get

797

00:42:57,921 --> 00:42:59,841

to tell some amazing stories as well.

798

00:43:00,171 --> 00:43:03,351

Wherever you're going, whatever you're

doing, have an amazing rest of your day.

799

00:43:03,621 --> 00:43:04,431

We'll see you next time.

800

00:43:04,611 --> 00:43:04,911

Bye-bye.