Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina delve into the complexities of emotional responses, particularly focusing on how men and women handle crying and vulnerability. They share personal experiences and insights on the importance of empathy and support in relationships, discussing the societal expectations that often hinder emotional expression. The conversation emphasizes the need for safe spaces where individuals can express their feelings without judgment, and the significance of understanding emotional triggers in oneself and others.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. am Rob, along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I am doing all right. Like it's been, it's been a couple of crazy weeks, but getting through it. And we did our, I was going to talk about the podcast that we did for, that's going to be coming out on the 25th that I did with my.

Yes. You mean, you mean this one that just came out? Yeah, because we're ahead. So this one is after that one.

Okay, I'm all confused on the days because we're recording earlier than yes.

.

Yes. So anyway, I'm I normally don't listen to the podcast, which is, you know, we all know anyway, but I've listened to that podcast like three times and it was it was interesting because my ex and I don't talk about our divorce or things like when he talked about dating, I thought that was hilarious when when he said that he shouldn't say he's still friends with his ex and

We get along fine. I was dying because I mean, how did he not know that? Like, I thought that was funny. And I told him about it. He just laughed. He's like, yeah, well, whatever. it was, it was really cool to hear his perspective on things. And I think when, for me personally, getting the divorce, I felt like I failed at everything. Like there wasn't one thing that I did right. Right. But in talking to him,

Right.

I did a lot of things right and we didn't have the most horrible relationship and you know it was very therapeutic to do that so I don't know I just wanted to say that out loud and let you know because we didn't talk yet so but man was that ballsy

Yeah, I thought all in all, from my point of view, it was odd because I mean, obviously,

Odd Man Out is a very interesting place to be when you're trying to drive a show to go a certain direction. So, but I thought I landed the fall pretty good and you know, look, yeah, I mean like

Yeah.

Lended the fall.

Cause here's the thing, like at the end of the day, I was kind of like, I've known you forever. So I was, you know, and it's odd to be in a situation where people who had a long relationship and aren't together and had feelings and have feelings and lots going on. So for me, it was definitely a learning experience. I mean, look, it's, it,

It was good. I had a good time and I think that just in general, it's a solid show. Hopefully everyone shares it. You

Yeah. I was thinking to myself about how is Rob in the middle of this? how is he? Because you were watching us because there were there were definitely times when we when we had tears in our eyes and there was times when we were supportive of each other and there was times when maybe I don't know, maybe we didn't agree completely, but we still like went forward and and yeah, you were like a bug on the wall. It was kind of.

Mm-hmm.

I was I was sitting there going fuck Rob like sorry you were putting you through this but I don't know I think it was therapeutic we went out to lunch afterwards for people that don't know and and We did that for our podcast lunch and he came my ex came with us and so we got to talk a little bit and He rode in the same car as me and I'm thinking of myself. Yeah, we kind of have a different relationship, but you know, I gotta say that

Mm-hmm.

No. Yeah, it's not fun.

To me, it's so much better than trying to hate somebody, because I'm really finding I'm not good at that. Hating somebody to the point where I can't deal with them or talk to them. I've done it, but it's not something I like to do. So I'm so grateful that we didn't have to go that route. Completely internally grateful.

Yeah. So anyway, that's what I wanted to say.

Yeah, great show and, you know, definitely leave feedback. thought it was very good as well. So this week. You. Text me was like, hey, I have an idea for a show. I was like, OK, there's always there's always a you know, there's always a place you can put those ideas, you know.

Thank you.

For those who don't for those that don't know, we have this running list on our Apple Notes and every blue moon you will add something to it. And then generally I do. But this is how we keep track of certain things, because now we're trying to be better about it and get ahead and doing things. So this is how I wrote it down. And then you can kind of...

There is a place, but I'd rather talk to you about them.

Push it forward. For a title I put, How Men Handle Women Crying, which is kind of how you said. And then I had a bunch of ideas in my own head of what you meant. So much that before we got on here today, I went to my son and asked him what he thought. And he said the same thing. He goes, well, it all matters. And I was like, yeah, yes, you're correct.

Yeah.

Robb (06:12.066)

I said, what do you think? And he goes, I don't know. He goes, I don't handle women crying good at all. I was like, okay. So I threw things at him and I said, listen, and I'm gonna give you the man logic before we start this. Well, this is kind of how I have to put it. Yes and no.

Right?

But do you take women's crying okay?

Because here's the thing, it all matters why. If it's about our relationship, then I will tell you I would handle it with kid gloves. If it's about someone else's relationship, them, the woman crying and someone else, I handle it differently. I'm supportive, obviously, or, but I am, you know,

I'm probably a little more standoffish unless I know them very well and then they can cry on my shoulder. But then there's like, okay, what if it's death? Death's a whole other kind of crying where there's nothing you can say, you just have to be there. So I would say I handle crying from women differently for each occasion that it's happening. But if you're talking inside one of my own relationships,

I think it's very hard for anyone, right? Because if you're already at the crying stage, you then as a man, think, and it all matters too, are you crying? Is a man crying too? Because then that's a relationship that's on the verge of total destruction. Then I think it, you throw the rules out.

because you're both going through an emotional breakdown. If, if I'm in the relationship and she's crying, I'm going to dig deeper into why, why is this happening? Why are you crying? What is making you cry? So I can try to make the situation better. Right? Now,

Mm-hmm.

Some of that might never be better because some people cry to just get it out because it's the one way to exert anger or sadness or You know Whatever your emotion is at the time. Some people don't want you to react to it Do you know what I mean? Like they just like let me cry because I need to get a good cry out real quick and then we can

Yeah.

Yeah.

argue about what is wrong. So there's a lot to unpack. I think most men don't handle women crying well.

Right.

you

No, they do not. I mean, so, so here's what, what came up.

I, when I get super frustrated, not, I don't even know if it's sad, cause when I'm sad, I shut down. But when I'm super frustrated, I will cry. It'll get the best of me. and, and I happened to do that in front of a friend who I was telling like how I was feeling and he done flipped out. He's like, I told you, I don't like when women cry.

You got to get a grip on this. What the hell's your problem? Like he just made the frustration that I was going through a lot worse. So it got to the point where I couldn't even tell him what was wrong. I didn't want to talk to him about it. I didn't feel like comfortable enough to like be vulnerable. And so I, what I did was I clammed up and I'm like, okay, let's just go. And that just, it just totally pissed him off. And I was thinking, wow, like.

you

Why is it, why is it that, that first of all, that, that you're so,

don't even know what to call that. Like so reactive that I'm crying. Like I'm not, I wasn't trying to manipulate him. I wasn't trying to hurt him, throw stones. Like I was trying to explain what I was going through and couldn't. then I thought, you know, about, I remember when I was married and there was so much going on that one year that

Mm-hmm.

Right. you

was just a really heavy year and it got to the point where my ex had to go outside and he didn't come in for like hours because he didn't want me he didn't want to hear me cry he didn't know how to fix it he didn't know what to say he didn't know what to do he's always been a little um he's not the warm fuzzy type right away you have to work on that with him to get him to do that and and when i cried

Right.

Right. Right. Some of us aren't. you

He couldn't do that. He couldn't be that.

I guess I taught him to be later on, still he wasn't really that good at it. Like he struggled and

Right, for sure. And so, then, then I had an ex-boyfriend that

He said that when I cried, like, he could feel the wave of emotion. Like it was so heavy. It just, he said, it makes me so sad when I see you cry. It's like, he goes, I can't look at you because the big crocodile tears, he goes, it breaks my heart every time you do that. And all he wants to do is like, tell me funny things to stop me from, from crying. And I'm like, quit being fucking insensitive because I'm like, if I don't cry a lot.

Right.

Like it takes a lot for me to, I really gotta feel something to cry. But when I do, it's like, I need support at that point, I guess. And not getting it doesn't help me at all. And being chastised for being vulnerable doesn't help me at all either.

Right. Right. That's the worst thing you can do. Yeah. If you, if you try to stop somebody. Right. Exactly. You can't do that. And I think that, you know, without

Yeah. Like don't make me feel stupid for having feelings, right? Yeah.

Throwing this the other direction I think women do that a lot with men Make them feel bad for being vulnerable Yeah, so like if a man gets a little teary-eyed or choked up or whatever that can come back to bite them Because

Do what?

Women make men feel bad for being

You know, as much as that people say they want a more vulnerable man, then once they see it, they're like, he's Hmm. that's good. Right, right. I. Yeah, I'm saying inside a relationship though.

Huh. No, that's not... that's not me.

I think, I- well, you know me. Like, I'm the one that wants to talk about everything if you're having a hard time. Like, please, tell me what's going on. You know, I don't- I don't- I don't- I-

No, if my what there was just a couple of times that I saw my ex cry it broke my heart And I let him cry. I'm like you He he had to listen to me for I don't know 20 times for the one two that he did, you know, so No, i'm like wow if I know for me Because of having the dad that I did when when I saw him cry There was some major emotion going on

I didn't see him as weak. was like, finally he let the plug out because you could feel the tension build. You could feel the rush of emotions and there's gotta be a place for you to let those out.

Absolutely. you

And I think men go through it probably more than women because they have to be stone cold, supportive, like never waver, super strong. don't agree with that, but watching men go through that, I don't know how they deal with

Yeah, unfortunately we that's why men hide so much I think that the bigger thing with with men, know men don't know how to handle it because We're afraid what to say during a crying thing. So like if it's a

If it's a cry out of anger where like you're upset. But you're fighting and you're crying. You start to see things where you're like, OK, how do I? Because you don't want to say anything that's going to make the crying worse. But you also don't want to not be truthful in the matter. Right, so there's I think with with most.

Yeah.

things. It's a it's a it's almost a chess game where you have to like give a little to take a little to give a little to take a little. No man wants to see a woman cry. That's just I think that's our inherent DNA of the fixer, right? You we see someone crying. The first thing we need to do is how do I make her stop?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so is it about me? Okay, what did I do? How do I do? What do I you know, how can I fix this? Can we go on? You know, because when when we see our loved one, mostly if it's a mate, crying, we want to make sure that if we did it, what is the glue that can fix it? Because, know, assuming you want to keep that relationship, right?

Right.

You want to go, okay, if it's me, what did I do? And how can I fix this? And if it's me and I feel like I am not at fault, how do I word this in the best way of like, look, this is how I feel and I want...

this to be better at the end. It's hard. There's, there's a lot of things that can go on. You end up getting angry if in those situations, if you, but if you're a guy who doesn't like girls crying, there is no answer for it. You're, if you always see them as like, you're just being emotional.

You'll you're never gonna be okay and really You're fucked forever Because it's going to happen right at some point and and like like I said, let's say it's something other than your relationship your relationship's decent and it's normal and things happen What happens when? I'll give you a couple of things

you

Let's say it's just a Saturday night and you're sitting on the couch watching a movie that triggers your girlfriend and now she starts crying. You're not gonna rail her for it, right? What are you crying for? Don't be a pussy. Like it's just a love story or it's just this or it's just that. You can't do that. And I'll tell you, I watched a movie.

You

with my friend down the street and I would have to find the title of it. But it was it was it was gnarly it was it had a lot of overtones of abuse and being hit and things okay.

Where I could see her, you know, Welling up and seeing Herself in this character. It was called it ends with us. I don't know if you've ever seen it Okay, so and here I am and we're watching it and I'm getting

I've seen that, yeah.

teary-eyed because i'm pissed right i'm mad at this character the guy in it because he's you know he's got something he's got a good woman and he's ruining it because he's just a piece of shit and then she's seeing it from the point of view of this has happened to me so i'll tell you at the end when it when the credits rolled you could hear a fucking mouse fart in church

you

It was so quiet between us and we both just kind of sat there for a few minutes and looked at each other and you know wiped a few tears off and then she anytime my friend would get any kind of emotion she was she's the kind of person that makes a joke no matter what to kind of

I like that.

To kind of clear the air Yes, I like that in a lot of cases in some cases. I don't like It's okay to be an emotional wreck You don't always have to try to make light of it Because if that's all you do is make light of it you're not dealing with the real inter Emotion like it's it's okay like some piece of shit fucked you up

Yeah, not like doing that.

Absolutely.

Don't do it again. Right? So, but, well that's what I mean. Don't let it happen. If you see it in somebody else, get rid of them, whatever it is. Like, don't do it again. Don't let it happen. So, but that was one of the things that were like, I mean, it was quiet afterwards and then we both kind of got up and then we started, and then we talked about that movie and situations and.

Well, don't let it happen. Yeah, definitely.

Other people in those kind of situations and a bunch of other stuff so we we Handled it. I I looked at it from a different point of view because I could see what was Going on in her head through watching a movie So it was much easier for me to handle right because I knew what was I knew some of the things that had happened to her anyway so that made it but

Yeah.

Neither of us had seen this movie, so we didn't know what was coming So that kind of made it a bit like shit But at the end it was like good like I I thought I handled that good because I was a spectator in that I Wasn't dating her. I didn't do it to her. I So it was it was a much easier thing so

Mmm.

Yeah.

That's one situation where crying and how you handle it. Where, I'll give you an example for death. My ex-wife's father died while we were married. And to see that. And then her mom passed away not too long after we were divorced. And to see how that was handled. And, because I...

You know, I, at the time her mom was in the hospital, I went and dropped off my son to see grandma before she passed away. Well, she died while he was there. I had to run out and like I hung out there, you know, that was my mother-in-law for, you know, well, six years of marriage and, and four years of being together before that. So that was my mother-in-law. so, but to be around that,

huh.

Long time.

both times to see how she was, know, dealing with death is a whole other thing. So for me, I just leaned into it. Like I'm here for you. What do you need? How can we fix, you know, things around the house? You have to grieve where, you know, those are situations that it's only that. It's only I'm here for you. It's, you know,

Mm-hmm.

What can I do for you in those situations? So that's how I handle that. And then as a man, I think try to be strong more than emotional.

I have

Yeah, I'm finding that men these days are really insensitive to emotion at all. And if you show any emotion, they, they don't want to deal with it. They don't deal with it. They don't know what to do. And I'm thinking like, where are these people growing up? Because I grew up in a family where when somebody cries, they get

Like grabbed they get held they get hugged and then it's like what's the problem like, you know, whatever it is I think the first step is dealing with the emotion but what i'm noticing is that like Men men that are just my friends even like can't deal with

whatever it is that I'm feeling them. First of all, I say, don't ask me what I'm going through if you don't want a real answer, because that could come with a lot of emotions itself. So don't fucking ask if you can't be supportive, because I guarantee you if like, for instance, we'll just use you. You had something that you had to tell me and it was choking you up. What would you think I would do to you?

Absolutely. Right.

Or say to you I would hug you and say you're gonna be okay. got you and and as a man if you can't do that like what kind of fucked up situation are you slinging at people? Like I get it. I get it that women I get it that women will manipulate men in a lot of situations I get that but man, you can't come at emotion like it's

Right, exactly. Mm-hmm.

It's disgusting and it's wicked and you're not going to put up with it. Like, why would you have, why would you have a female friend if you couldn't deal with the fact that she's going to be emotional? Like, why, why is this real getting to the point where, first of all, you can't be emotional and you can't say how you're feeling? What, what is wrong with that? It's, it's, it blows my mind that people are like that. But, but, you know, just

Some human kindness is all that women need. I mean, I get it, are like fixers. I get that. I used to tell my ex all the time, I am having a fucked up day. I am feeling some sort of way, but I don't need you to fix me. But if you could support me, it's because it's not about you. And he used to tell me, goes, thank you for saying that because it takes the stress off.

All right.

Right.

I understand that. It does take the stress off if you tell somebody, I'm going through something, but this isn't about you. Cool. You know, take the stress off. I'm good with that.

Even after being told that, why be defensive to the point where like, just can't stand it. It pisses me off when women cry. I'm like, you need to walk away from me then because I don't have I don't have anything I want to say to you because I'm feeling emotional and I don't want to hear your shit. Like, I'm not weak. You're not weak when you're hurting. You're you're struggling when you're hurting. You're going through stuff, but

But I'm not a weak person and I handle all my own shit like a big girl. But I wish that at some point he could have like had a little bit of grace for me. And I get it. He's just not that guy. And thankfully, he's just my friend. Because if he was more and I had to deal with that, like that would be hell.

You're going to say something. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, mean, right? You have to at least have a little, okay?

Yes.

I think the other thing is, again, I'm gonna say things I'm sure that ruffle feathers of the women who listen to this show. But men think logically and women think with emotion. So, that being said, if you're a man, your logical question generally is, how can I help you? Now, I...

Yes.

I think, and again, it all matters what situation we're talking again, right? There's several situations where, you know, how can I help you or, you know, help me understand if you're, if it's in a relationship or how can I help you if it's this or this kind of thing? At the end of the day, it's both parties that have to work together. So if a man asks a question like, Hey, you know, what's wrong? Jump on him.

If you're asking that you better be ready if you're saying I don't want you to cry in front of me and I told you this and don't do it because I hate women crying in front of me I think that there's already a wound that's open and they Cry a crying woman is like salt in the wound. So there's probably I'm gonna go out on a limb and say somewhere

Yeah, for sure.

Seriously, that's what it was like.

in that man's life, someone very important to him cried and he didn't read it the right way and they left. And, and he associates that with someone leaving deep down inside and, know, just for everybody. I am not a doctor and I don't do therapy. I'm just telling you how I would take that.

Hahaha!

That's deep rooted shit, right? Because I think most people using our bell curve at least go, hey, you know, even if you don't like to see women crying, you understand that I need to find a solution to help them out. Because that's, even if you only have a little empathy, because I know people who have not fucking much.

Right? And dead serious where they just don't have much empathy. I don't have a lot of empathy towards certain things. And people go, really? And they go, no, I just fucking don't care. But on the flip side of that, if I do care, I have a shit ton and it gets me in a lot of trouble as well. Do you know what I mean? So, but as a man, I think that you have to handle things with empathy.

And grace. think that that is a great word that you're using. You don't have to be a dick if you don't like it. Right? I think you have to be able to communicate the thing is I'm not good with women crying. How can I help you still? I think those words alone is like because I'm telling you I'm really not good at this. But I still want to help you.

Exactly.

Because right there we've I've showed my empathy I show that I care because I do I'm just not good at this because of whatever's happened in my past or I'm not good with emotion because now I'm gonna start crying and you're gonna think I'm fucking a baby You know what? I mean like and I don't mean that in a bad way I just think it's because a man doesn't want to show he's vulnerable to cry either because that's just how we are right so

Yeah.

Yes.

I think there's a lot to be said to that of like hey I like I cry at movies so like I've cried in front of some people recently and I'm sure they were like well because it was an emotional movie and I liked it and I got teary-eyed Yeah, but I but I also cry it like, know braveheart and like, know, like, you know karate kid I like the I also cry for like

And I don't do that.

the yes we did it you know like i watched miracle which is about the 80s hockey team winning the gold and it was great i fucking was like yeah so you know i i do have that in me so i think maybe that's probably why i do handle it a little better because like i i you know if you open your emotions without letting someone use them against you i think it's a good thing if either

you

Yeah.

party uses emotions against somebody, you will ruin that person. This is why men don't open up to their girlfriends or wives because when they do, it comes back on them. And I'll tell you from a man point of view, you'll never ever hear another thing from your man about emotion ever again, if you do it to him. Where I think it could be the same for a woman. you...

Come to me and say like I'm hurting and this and this and I use that shit against you You will you will bottle that shit up forever until it blows up and it ruins the relationship

But why would you, if you care about the person that you're around, why would you want to throw it at them like that? That to me, like, where is your compassion? Where's your empathy? Where's your, like, show up as a friend. Show up as a friend and support. Like, cause that's how I show up. And if I show up like that, chances are I'm gonna expect the person that I'm friends with to do the same thing.

or the guy I'm with to do the same thing, or my family member to do the same thing. You know, for me, anybody that knows me, that's known me for a while, knows how I am. I don't hide who I am at all. So if I come up to you and I say I'm struggling with something and I'm crying, like, shit, Tina's crying, like, Tina doesn't come out like this very often, you know, so.

Mm-hmm.

Exactly.

Whoa, you know Wouldn't you want to support somebody that's? Having a rough time I mean I remember when my mom died and my brother and I went up to see her in the casket and we started laughing like I'm not one of those people that cries to be a little baby or cries to get empathy like when I'm crying, it's a struggle and I'm finding lately that

Right.

you you

Men in general. I don't know who the hell has been manipulating them or what the fuck has been going on, but the compassion that they lack is

It's sad. It's... I don't know. I'm having a hard time with that because I was... I've never seen reactions like I saw.

Right. think you are correct though about it's someone has been manipulated for feelings and and look and I don't want to shit on anyone but people women have cried to manipulate men without having any justification for crying. Right?

So they'll use that to get something or get their way or get whatever. So if somewhere in their life, a man has been manipulated by crying, maybe that is a shutoff switch rather than an empathy switch. Do you see what I mean? So maybe the person we're talking about has been manipulated by somebody, used crying against them, got something from it, whatever that is.

Yeah.

Because it doesn't matter and now every time they see someone crying they're like fuck it's gonna get manipulated again I'm gonna end up fucking having to move this girl out of her apartment. I don't want to move her cuz we're not we're barely friends You know what I mean, but she's gonna give crocodile tears and say no one's gonna help me and you need and you know and of course if you have any kind of you know Empathy and backbone you're gonna be like fuck. Yeah, I want to help you. Like I don't want you to cry anymore. So they're

Right?

It's a double edged sword for sure. But that's a that other side of the sword is very small. I don't think that most women are manipulating men by crying. And but maybe I'm gullible. So like that could also be something I like to see on the front end that if that's happening, that is a true emotional response. And my duty as a man is to

No.

See it and fix it or see it and be there for whatever they need. Mm-hmm.

For me, going through the situation where, like, I felt in a way that I was attacked, because I couldn't get the words out to explain exactly what I was feeling, and I'm very literal, so I need to be able to say exactly what I'm feeling to communicate what it is that's going on. I was struggling, and then the stress of how I was being treated didn't help. It flustered me. The frustration just got...

Even more intense and and I couldn't stop crying and it ended up in a fuck you And I walked away and I don't want to talk to that person anymore I don't not that I don't want to be friends with them, but I just right now i'm feeling like I don't have anything I want to say because I don't feel like First of all that i'll be heard because I feel like i'm going to be You know condemned to hell for having emotions. I don't want to say anything

Mm-hmm.

Right.

You know, and I'm not normally like that. I'm normally the ones like, no fucker, we're going to talk about this. But I just don't have the strength for the lack of decency that I should have been shown. then the frustrating thing was after that, then the arguments started and the texting started. And I was just like, fuck, I don't like this at all. You know?

Right, I don't want any of this.

I don't like any of this, like I'm good. And it's kind of...

It's kind of built a wall that I'm gonna have to now deal with too because you know, I don't feel like I was heard. I don't feel like I was understood. And I definitely felt like I was chastised for having any emotion. I won't make that mistake again. Like you said, like guys do that too. They won't want to do it. Well, so will women like.

Oh, absolutely. That's 100%. you

But the thing is, the funny thing is, like...

If somebody came to me and they were in that situation, even if I got treated the way I did, I would still show up for them. Like I would still, because I know what it's like to be in a situation where you cry and something really hurts and you don't have support. I've been in that situation a lot. So I don't want to do that to anybody else, but man, it was shitty. But then I know another person.

He says he wishes he could cry. Like, he looks at me like I'm stupid when he's seen me cry, because, you know, he'll get teared up or I got bad news around him once and I had tears in my eyes and he's like, what's going on? He goes, I wish I could cry. I can't cry. and he, I've had so many conversations with him where it's been really, really a struggle for him to even communicate. He won't drop one freaking tear out of his eyes. It's like,

That's why I was like, what is it with men and crying? Like if, if women have really fucked over men to the point where they can't cry, shame on them. But I get the other, on the other side, I'm like, if you think that being tough is, is, never being vulnerable, you got another thing coming. Cause being vulnerable is way harder than, than being still waking and not letting anybody in.

I agree. I just think that there's when you leave yourself open, you leave yourself open to also criticism and a lot of men don't want that.

So if you don't open up, then you don't have to worry.

Yeah, I have I have one friend that when I when he has seen me crying he grabs me He he hugs me. He's like, alright I'm gonna hug you until you're done and then you got to tell me what's going on and and get it out So you think and and for me it's like, my gosh. Yes, just let me cry I'll tell you whatever the hell it is afterwards, but but there's such a buildup of in me there's such a buildup of emotion and and just

you

The energies get so large that I need to get that out sometimes. And I'm not a big crybaby, but shit, life is hard. And I liked when he just grabbed me and said, okay, I'm going to hug you, get it all out, then fix your makeup, wipe off my shirt, and then talk to me and tell me what's going on. I liked that style. So it wasn't him. He wasn't trying to fix me.

Absolutely. Thank

because didn't need that. I just needed to cry. And then afterwards I told him what it was and then we ended up laughing like I normally do when something gets really stressful because Lord knows I don't want to spend that time being that sad. It's hard to be that sad and to have that that ache in you, you know, but I'm noticing like since Gosh, it's been years. I've been noticing like

Yeah.

Men and crying is really a-

It's kind of a difficult thing to watch them have to deal with it. But in my family, it wasn't like my brother, my brother and my dad, when I cry, they sit there and they say nothing. They may not even look at me, but they'll just sit there like, do what you got to do, get it all out, you know, whatever you need. I'm just here. I'm cool with that too. Cause you know, at least I'm being supported. Like I don't think

Correct, that's what that is.

I think anybody wants to see anybody cry and from what my friend said about He goes you you make me want to run in place. Like I want how do I fix things? I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that I'm gonna do this and do that cuz I just want you to stop crying, you know, he He goes into a state of panic But he doesn't he doesn't walk away he doesn't chastise me and I tell him I said you really got to work on your reaction with me because

you

I've got some really hard like things that I'm just dealing with and I'm gonna cry and and I feel confident enough in our relationship that if I do it with you It's gonna be okay because you got me and I got you But just don't you know if you're gonna run run in place like you don't need to go anywhere It's not about you and if I am crying because it's something you did well shit sit and listen and then just say you're sorry like it doesn't have to be this huge

like situation because somebody dropped a few tears on a napkin, you know?

Correct. Yeah, look, at the end of your situation is, you know, some men aren't built to take it for whatever reason. And some are absolutely the perfect people to do it.

Then there's that big gray area in the middle where they just all kind of mishmash together in and out. And thankfully that's humankind, right? I think you should draw into it where...

It's about empathy, all of it. And being able to understand that people are going to cry. If they're your friends and they're going through whatever mess they're in, whether they're going through a breakup or...

a divorce or, you know, something with their significant other. The only thing that you can really do is say things are going to be okay. And, and I guess give some advice because, you know, I think that during emotional times, trying to give advice to somebody is not the greatest idea. Because you as the person giving the advice also may have some deep rooted feeling that you're going to

say out loud that could ruin someone else's life. I think your best thing is to say, I'm here for you and be a shoulder and listen. I think that is the best thing you can do as any kind of friend in any situation is just be there and listen.

Yeah.

You don't know how many people over the course of my life have come to me and thrown their arms around me and just sobbed and I didn't even see it coming. Like I've gone through that a lot. And I think that I've gone through that because people know that they could feel, they could feel vulnerable around me and they are safe. And, and I think we need more people that, that we could just feel safe with because

Right. Safe.

Yeah. That's 100%. Yeah, it look, it's hard to be around people that you don't feel that you can.

I gotta tell you, not having somebody where I felt safe and feeling what I was feeling was really tough to handle.

Be who you are around them It matter of fact it sucks because then you we bottle up and then you don't feel like telling someone anything so Yeah Yeah, well and it sucks when that happens between

and that's where I'm at right now. I'm like, I don't even want to see you. don't. And this is somebody I like hanging out with. I'm like, wow, you killed my, you killed my vibe.

people that have a relationship or you've been hanging out a lot and all of a sudden it's gonna you're gonna pump the brakes and go from you know riding in the fast lane to not talking at all and you know I I love to to be a person that can tell you that I can do that and I have um but no one is good at that regardless of what you say you might

Yeah.

be able to do it, but it always lingers. you know, don't be that person. know, do your best to be there for the people who need you during these trying times. And like I said, whatever it is, death, relationships, divorce, you have to be there for people. Just do it with some...

some empathy and grace. And I think that we'd all be, we'll all be better off if we do that. You know, men are, just a different breed. It's unfortunate that, look, there's good and bad with masculinity. The good part is that when you need to punch someone in the face, they're there for you. But when you, when you're crying, they don't, we bottle up because we're told from children that boys don't cry.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, that's true too.

You know, and, and again, for the people out there that are saying that's bad and, know, you should tell them to cry. No, you shouldn't. They'll learn to cry on their own. Men should be stoic and, and be that brick wall for whoever needs them. You know,

Yeah.

Women are the empathetic ones. I want to make sure that if I come to my woman with whatever news that she's going to be there with an open arm to to say it's going to be okay, but in a feminine way. So, you know, a man should be able to to be there for his friend or girlfriend or whatever in a stoic way and still say it's going to be okay.

Right, for sure.

Yeah, that's not what happened. it ended up in an argument and I was like, okay.

No, that well that Well, what you said is like I told you I think that guy just has a trigger that something something somewhere happened and You just happened to kind of be the bearer of bad during that Yeah, unfortunately

It was a trip, but like I said, it was, I know several men and they're...

I don't know. I told one he was he was emotionally clogged because he couldn't shed one tear and he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and And I was like you are constipated

True. But here's the thing, he probably feels

Safe not having to deal with people. That's it. He's just like, well, that's cool. I don't have to, I don't have to worry about anything. I don't have to worry about her or them or nothing. I just do my shit and then leave me alone. Now the only bad part with people like that is when it comes back full circle, he doesn't have many people to go to because no one's going to reciprocate.

Yeah.

no, and there's, a very small life because if you're constantly pushing people out of it, they're gonna walk.

For sure. And look, you just have to understand that people have issues, all of us. And if they're pushing you away, it's probably for a reason. And sometimes it's not for you to understand. You just have to go, okay. And...

Stay in arms distance back so no one gets hurt and you know at the end if if it's meant to come back around full circle it will That's it and you kind of have to can you nudge it along to get better sure and it all matters to like

Yeah. No, I'm just, I, know, me, the, famous last words, I'm just going to see what happens next.

What it how it happens or what happens like there's people in my life that I can't be In their life anymore because they're with somebody else and it's better to just not be in that doesn't mean I don't care I absurdly care about them that's just the way it is and or our our Relation another relationship I had ended on a bad note. I really don't talk to them anymore, but I text them on

Yeah.

Right.

Christmas and their birthday Because I care I do care about them. I just want to make sure that they don't feel like I'm intruding in whatever their new life is That's it It's you know, and if that person came to me if those people all of them these certain people I'm talking about came to me tomorrow and knocked on the door and said I Really need to talk to you about something. I'd go. Okay, Get on the couch. That's that's here at all

Right?

Yeah.

Now, would I be a little guarded this time around? Yes. But I would still be there for the people in my life because I have empathy for them. I do care about certain people. So you can cry in front of me because, well, you did the other day. So it's, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah...

I just handle things different because I try to break down the situation the best I can in a very short amount of time of hearing what's wrong. But I would never push someone away and go, don't cry in front of me. I might get in the car on the way home and go, fuck, I hope that doesn't happen again. But I wouldn't do it in front of them. That's, and here's the crazy thing. Even though if I said that on the way home,

in my car the next time they came around I'd be like all right let's do this because that's what friends and and lovers and mates and you know family that's what we're all here for if we're not here for that you're doing life wrong

Right?

You are so I don't know any any last words here for our soon-to-be our shows

Yeah.

I know I looked up and it was like 48 minutes. I went what the hell?

Yeah, we're gonna say I've decided that we're just gonna let these things roll and if it's fucking an hour and 50 minutes, what it is so.

Why do I want to do that? Because I have a life I got shit to do but-

No, no, you know what I mean though. Like if we're just rolling and it goes 15 minutes or 20 minutes over, it goes the way it is. And you'll cut me off. You'll give me the, let's get out of here.

Yeah. I, I, I just think that if you're a man and a woman is crying around you, it's, it should be okay. And it is okay if you're anywhere around me to just give me a hug and tell me everything's going to be okay. I got the rest. I don't need, I'm, I'm a strong person, but even I have, you know, my bad days and, and

just a little support is basically all anybody needs and you don't have to give any more than that even just but be supportive because men need to be that to women just like women need to be soft to men and we need more of that these days because it's not the same world we grew up in so that's what I would say

Absolutely. I'm gonna leave it at that because I think that that that fits the bill for this this week. It's you've

Right on.

We've said a lot and I think that if you come out of this pod today, just on both sides for every person you know, be a little more empathetic. And, Hey, check us out on the, social medias. Cause I've been posting a shit ton. and you guys have been listening like a lot. So we appreciate that. We did finally hit over.

Please.

10,000 downloads. I don't know if I said that on last week's episode because we I knew it was going to be a tad more of an emotional show. So I don't know if I did or not. But yes, so we've we've hit a goal. have many more that we're that are coming. But please share the show. If you click, listen, share, subscribe. If you listen on Spotify and Apple.

Yeah.

I don't know what the actual word is, but I want to say it's subscribe. If you press that, it'll just automatically download onto your phone or device. And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. I'm Rob. That's Tina. We'll see you in a week. Bye.

See ya.