In this episode, Aral plays ALL the characters on the show…again! This is a rare (slightly) scripted episode of the show, due to the fact that Aral thought improvising against himself might prove a bit too confusing, especially since this was one of the first episodes he recorded! In a direct response to the xenophobic propaganda about immigrants, this episode imagines what happens when a unit of the Michigan Militia starts preparing for an invasion…over our NORTHERN border! After the episode, enjoy another commercial parody inspired by a local car salesman. Thanks for listening!

Aral’s website: https://aralgribble.weebly.com/

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Website: Aral Gribble

Instagram: Gribbles 'n' Bits

YouTube: Trollin' the Mitten

The opinions and views expressed in this program are those of the participants and do not reflect the official positions of Lansing Community College, its administration, or wlnz. Crawl out from under your bridges.

Cause it's time for Trolling the Mitten, Your favorite local comedy podcast where we bring you the best and brightest from the Great Lakes State.

I'm your host, Errol Gribble, a Michigan reconnect student here at Lansing Community College in the Digital media, Audio and cinema program, where, just like in nature, stars are forged through exposure to pressure and a lot of hot air. Welcome back to Trolling the Mitten. I'm your host, Errol Gribble. Welcome back.

This is another rare solo arrow lolo shout out to my comedy Bang Bang fans out there due to a shortage of guests and an overabundance of a desire to show off. I guess I play all the characters in this episode and this one is another doozy.

This one was recorded a couple of years ago during the last election in direct response to the garbage that Trump was campaigning on about the dangerous immigrants on our southern border and how completely ridiculous it would be if we flipped that border. Right.

Ironically, I never dreamt that just over a year later we'd be living in an America that is actively antagonizing our beloved neighbor to the north.

So today it's just me portraying an entire division of the Michigan Militia stationed on the shores of Lake Superior of Gitchi Gummy, preparing for what they're absolutely convinced is a looming Canadian invasion. Unlike any of the other shows, I did put together a tiny little bit of a script, but most of it's improvised.

And for those who are curious, yes, I did record all the characters at the same time. No rehearsal, no guests. No problem. Enjoy the show. Hey, everybody, welcome back to Trolling the Mitten on LCC Connect.

I'm your host, Errol Gribble, and today we are up here in beautiful Hunters Point park on the shores of Lake Superior, one of the northernmost points in the upper peninsula of Michigan. Yikes.

And today, as you can hear, the park has been transformed into a training ground of sorts for the Copper Harbor Commandos, one of the many offshoots of the infamous Michigan Militia.

Now, I've been invited to peer behind the curtain of this infamous group by their leader, General Norm Polchowski, to bring you another exclusive troll in the Mitten. Welcome to the show, General NORM.

Oh, yeah.

Now, General, tell us a bit about what we're doing here today. I mean, I see folks swimming in the water. Looks like some troops climbing Those rocks. There's of course, some target practice going on.

Yeah, yeah, we got everybody running drills today. You know, just going out there, keeping our skills fresh. You gotta stay sharp. This country's being invaded, you know.

Yeah, yeah, I heard folks talking about that as I arrived. But historically, however, though, the Michigan Militia's purpose was to protect the citizens from the government.

Right, and they're coming to take your guns and all that.

From my core dead hands.

Yeah, but that's real old school, you know, you spend any time up here in the up, there's one thing you know for sure, we can have all the guns we want. You know, I personally got a safe in my sauna with over 200 firearms in there locked away tight.

Anyway, since you're not afraid of your government so much, I guess you're turning your attention to illegals crossing the border.

That's right.

Yeah, but crossing the northern border?

Oh yeah, there's nothing shiftier than a Canuck.

Really?

Oh, yeah. Speaking all that fancy French, what would all their universal health care and free education. Nobody that nice. Yeah, I don't trust them.

So we're out here preparing for the inevitable invasion.

I mean, what would be the point? You know, most folks coming over the southern border are looking for a better life here in America.

I mean, is your belief that Canadians are going to do the same?

No way, Jose. No. Life in Canada sounds awesome. No, they're just jealous how cool we are.

You know, they got Avril Lavigne, we got Taylor Swift, they got Drake, but we got Dr. Dre.

Yeah, it's hard to argue with that logic. But we're also not on the border. Technically, the greatest of all lakes stands between us and Canada, you know?

You know, there's better points of entry like Sault Ste. Marie or the Windsor Bridge.

What did I tell ya? Them could looks are shifty. They know he's expecting that. So that's why we're here, protecting the shores of Gitchy Gummy. Oh, God. I gotta go.

Oh, my buddy Hooly just shot himself in the butt again. Hey, hold on, Hooly.

Okay? That was General Norm Pulchowski. We're just gonna give myself a little tour of this place walking around here.

I mean, it really is a beautiful park, folks. You know, when there's not all these yahoos running around. Folks, you really should come on up here. Oh, wait, here we go, folks.

We got a porta potty here, and over by the porta potties we have a young man with what looks to be like a Sort of a sling. Doing a little target practice on some old Kessler's beer bottles now. Excuse me, young man, may I speak.

With you for a moment? Oh, yeah, sure. Hey, you're from Channel 6 News?

Sort of. I'm Errol Gribble with Trollin the Mitten. It's a podcast.

Ah, sweet. I love podcasts. I have my own called Sweet Stevie Soundscapes, where it's just me in my basement making fart noises with my armpits. See?

Impressive. Sweet. Stevie, is that you?

Yeah, yeah, my name's Stevie. Saskatchewan.

Saskatchewan, like the Canadian province?

Yeah, yeah, I was born in Canada and then my parents smuggled me across the lake when I was a baby. You know, kind of like Moses in the basket. But instead of being snatched up by.

The Pharaoh, a team of river hogs.

Rescued me after getting smashed in the.

Head by some fresh cut logs rolling down the river. Wow, so technically you're an illegal sh.

Don't you say that word around here. Not so loud. You're gonna find me out, man.

Stevie, don't you find it ironic that you're training to fight the same people who allowed you to come here?

What's ironic mean?

Okay, let's move on. So why don't you tell me what you're doing here?

Okay, see now, like every red blooded American, I love guns. But I've never been able to shoot one straight. In my last ski chute tournament, I took out six geese, four woodchucks and a rain neck pheasant.

Thing is, I was aiming at clay pigeons the entire time. I don't know, maybe it's my cursed Canadian blood, but I still want to do my part.

So I made this sling out of some twine and an old dried up pasty and I'm good to go. Bullseye.

Nice shot, Stevie.

And I saw on the wrist. Actually, it's my secret weapon.

Secret weapon?

I only shoot Petoskey stones. Oh, wow.

Okay, for our listeners who I'm sure already know, Petoskey stones are Michigan's official state stone. And they're actually prehistoric fossils that are skeletons of coral polyps.

Yeah, that's right. And they're the perfect shape and texture to take out a trespasser.

Watch your shrapnel, Stevie. Sorry, Buck.

See, these stones are supercharged.

Oops.

That gun got away from me. Oh, God, that's a lot of bloodline one one. Folks, I'm gonna wrap up this thing before we have any more casualties around here.

That's okay. I'm out of potassium stones anyway. I'M gonna spend the next five or six hours coma le trying to find some more ammunition. Okay.

Thank you, Stevie, for your time.

Oh, sure. Pleasure's all mine.

And thank you all for listening. I am your slightly traumatized host, Errol Gripple. And this has been trolling the mitten. Now put some pressure on it.

Oh, God.

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That's all for today, Yooper. Scoopers. Remember, you can listen to this and every one of our episodes on LCC connect.org plus all your major streaming platforms.

Thank you so much for tuning in. We hope you had as much fun as we did. And until next time, if you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you.